如何成为一个好父母

爱是基础

任何一件事或者一样东西，如果想要能够长久保持，那就必须有良好而且坚固的基础。一处建筑物、一栋摩天大楼、一个婚姻、和一个家庭都需要有一个好的基础。对建筑物而言，最好的基础是钢筋水泥；而好父母和好的人际关系，都是建立在以“爱”所缔造的基础之上的。但是那是什么样的“爱”呢？什么是“爱”呢？

如果我们去问100个人什么是“爱”，或者请他们描写什么是“爱”，很可能我们会得到100个不同的答案。对“爱”的最佳描写是可以在圣经找到。保罗在第一世纪时候给哥林多的基督徒所写信里，是这样描写“爱”的：（圣经新译本）

4 爱是恒久忍耐，又有恩慈。爱是不嫉妒，不自夸，不张狂；5 不作失礼的事，不求自己的益处，不轻易动怒，不计较他人的过犯；

6 不喜欢不义，只喜欢真理。7 爱是凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事盼望，凡事忍耐。

8 爱是永存不息的。

为什么这段圣经里所描写的“爱”是如此地有力？因为这是描写了上帝对人所付出的爱。上帝对我们有忍耐，而且富有恩慈。祂不自大也不高傲，然而祂却非常关怀我们。祂慢慢地动怒。当祂赦免了我们的过犯，祂也销毁了我们过犯的记录。祂的爱是永恒的。祂也知道如何来关怀祂的孩子们。上帝是作父母的最佳典范。

父母爱子女，这是很自然的事情。做父母的很自然地就会把孩子们所需要的给他们。作为父母，我们为孩子提供吃的、住的、穿的，并其他各种东西，这就是因为他们爱他们的子女。但是作为父母，我们还必须把自己所行的与保罗在那一封里所说的“爱“进行比较，审查自己的“爱”。你是不是对你的儿女有忍耐了？你是不是对你的儿女有慈爱了？尤其是在儿女还是幼小的时候，或者已经长大了的儿女，行为却如同婴孩那样无知的时候，我们做父母的就很难做到忍耐和慈爱了。但是我们必须有耐心，而且不能够一下子就火冒三丈。当儿女犯了错误，或者做错了事，我们应当表现出慈爱。

一个慈爱的父母应该总是能够饶恕自己的孩子，而且一个慈爱的父母一定不会把儿女所做错的事情和犯的错误记在心里。父母对子女的爱是永远不会停止的。不会终止的爱就是对子女永远不会放弃的那一种爱。也就是说，这样的爱是一种无条件的爱。你不会对子女说，“如果你听话，也顺从我的意思，我就爱你。”而是对儿女说，“我永远爱你，无论在你的的身上出现了什么情况，如论你犯了什么样的错误，父母的爱永远爱你。”这样的爱就是上帝对你和我的爱。

讨论问题：

1. 你是否曾经有对你的孩子有不好管教的时候？请描写一下。

2. 在哪些方面你觉得需要更好地展现你对儿女的爱？

3. 你是否同意“爱”应该是无条件的？为什么？

HOW TO BE A GOOD PARENT

Love is the Foundation

Anything that is built to last must have a good and solid foundation. A house, a skyscraper, a marriage, and a family all need a good foundation. The best foundation for a building is concrete. The best foundation for parenting, and all relationships, is love. What kind of love? What is love?

If we asked 100 people to define or describe love, we might get 100 different definitions. The best description of love is found in the Bible. Paul described genuine love in his first century letter to the Christians in Corinth. Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIRV)

4 Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not want what belongs to others. It does not brag. It is not proud. 5 It is not rude. It does not look out for its own interests. It does not easily become angry. It does not keep track of other people’s wrongs.

6 Love is not happy with evil. But it is full of joy when the truth is spoken. 7 It always protects. It always trusts. It always hopes. It never gives up.

8 Love never fails.

What makes this description of love so powerful is that it describes the love God has for us. God is patient and kind towards us. He is not arrogant or proud, but He does care for us. He is slow to anger. When He forgives us He keeps no record of our wrong doing. His love never fails. God is the perfect heavenly father. He knows how to care for his children. God is the best model for being a parent.

It is natural for a parent to love their child. It is normal and good for parents to give their child what is needed. A parent provides food, shelter, clothes, and more because they love their child. However, a parent should examine their love and compare it to Paul’s letter. Are you patient with your child? Do you show kindness to your child? It is not always easy when a child is young and acts like a child. We must be patient and slow to anger. We need to show kindness when they fail and make mistakes. 

A loving parent should also be willing to forgive; and a loving parent should not keep records of all their child’s mistakes and errors. A parent’s love should never fail. Love should never stop. Unfailing love is a love which never gives up on a child. This kind of love is a love without conditions. It does not tell a child, “I will love you only when you do good or obey.” But it always says, “I love you forever, no matter what you do.” This is the kind of love that is like God’s love for you and me.

QUESTIONS:

1. Do you sometimes have a hard time being patient with your child? Could you describe it?

2. What areas do you need to improve in showing love to your child?

3. Do you agree that love should be without conditions? Why?