Does the Contemporary Term “Friend Zone” Really Exist?

張貼日期：Oct 31, 2013 12:14:7 PM

Eric Lee

“We’re better off as friends” or “I don’t want to risk losing you as my friend” are two answers guys dread to hear when finally having the courage to ask a girl out. Of course for girls, quotes like “We’re better off as friends” and “I don’t want to risk losing you as my friend” are used as a cushion to soften the blow when rejecting a guy. However, guys often misinterpret these responses as signs of hope, usually going into great deals to impress the significant other. Unfortunately, these tactics more often than not, end up failing and can lead to emotional and social difficulties for the guy. In popular culture, the term "friend zone" refers to a platonic relationship where one person wishes to develop a romantic relationship, while the other does not. Once a friend zone relationship is established, it is often believed to be hard for the relationship to develop into a romantic one. The term “friend zone” is heavily debated among the social media, especially by the feminists claiming that the term “friend zone” is both sexist and objectifying women. In reality, there are three reasons to believe that the term “friend zone” does not exist. In the paragraphs below, I will discuss the aspects of sexism, human psychology and the fact that the mythical term “friend zone” is escapable to prove why the term “friend zone” does not exist.

The term “friend zone” has been around since the early 1990s and has recently exploded onto the social media as a sexist term. Of course, over the years, this notion has caused a lot of controversy with feminists criticizing the term of being biased by establishing the concept of males being the victims. In fact, there are reasons to assume that this theory has a valid argument. The term “friend zone” nowadays typically refers to girls rejecting a guy without giving a definitive rejection, oftentimes giving guys a false sense of hope. With this false sense of hope, guys will usually invest a lot of time and effort in an attempt to pursue and impress the girl. This input of effort and time, unfortunately, does not always work out. This leads many guys to believe they are being “friend zoned” and being taken advantage for their“Nice Guy” image. However, the idea that every “Nice Guy” is owed sex or a romantic relationship by his female friends is simply despicable violates human equality.The fact that women should be obligated to reciprocate sexual or romantic interest completely undermines the concept of women as autonomous people with the right to make their own decisions, and specially the right to make their own decisions about romantic relationships and sex. The fact that we criticize women who reject men interested in them is sexist and stands against the idea that women and men are equal. Furthermore, the term “friend zone” suggests that women are only good for sex. When a man looks back on the time he wasted as a friend of a woman only to be romantically declined, he may wrongly nullify the idea that this woman may have any other value beyond sex. Overall, the term “friend zone” is a sexist term and a myth created by self-proclaimed victims to discriminate against women.

It is a known fact that the psychology between males and females are very different and it can cause conflicts during a relationship. Some study shows that men are more attracted to their female friends than the other way around. Moreover, a guy tends to make quicker “positive” judgments of the opposite sex faster than girls. According to my observation, most guys have the tendency to develop romantic feelings a lot faster than girls do. Another difference in male and female psychology is that men consistently over-estimated their female friend’s attraction to them and oftentimes inaccurately assumes the female wants to pursue a relationship.Women are, on the other hand, more likely to underestimate their male friend’s attraction to them but more accurately determine the male’s desire to date them. This difference in psychology often causes confusion because guys tend to make quicker romantic judgments while girls take more time. This difference in time to make romantic judgments may be what many claim to be “friend zone.”

The fact that there are cases of friendships that eventually develop into a romantic one shows us that “friend zone” is escapable and is a null rumor. There are three main methods to use to escape the mythical “friend zone.” First of all, one should always show obvious signs of affection towards the significant other if interested for a romantic relationship. A girl will almost certainly see a guy differently after knowing his interest for romance. Second, a guy should attempt to get closer with the girl by texting or phoning her frequently. This allows the girl the opportunity to get to know him better to aid her judgments when deciding if she wants to pursue a relationship or not. Of course, if all those techniques fail, a common but effective desperation move is to ignore the girl completely. Although it is a harsh technique and often looked down upon by people, it has proven to be somewhat effective. All girls want attention and all girls like to be chased. A sudden departure from the usual routine will throw the girl off guard. When a guy who is often there for the girl suddenly disappears, she may have to reconsider her feelings for the guy. Although this step may be harsh, it is sometimes necessary for the girl to consider how much the guy means to them. If she truly misses the guy, she will initiate the conversations for romance.

Nobody likes the feeling of being rejected and of course, girls do not want to be considered a villain rejecting a guy. Of course, to reduce the pain a guy has to endure, girls often reject in a nice manner by offering friendship when in reality the relationship has no hope to develop into a romantic one. This attempt to stave off coming off as a villain oftentimes creates more problems. In reality, it is up to the guy to judge whether this relationship is worth pursuing. A guy has only himself to blame if he pursues an already hopeless path for romance. As a result, this popular term “friend zone” is used by guys as a term to boost their own ego and those who proclaim victim for the failure of having a romantic life. The real meaning behind “friend zone” does not exist and should not be an excuse to promote discrimination towards women. In fact, women can be victims of “friend zone” as well; however this is often rare and ignored by society.