'Tonight on the 5:00 news, we chronicle 12 signs of the the horrifying apocalyptic decline of human civilization and 5 reasons why you should be afraid of the dark'
'But first our top story: on board Air Force One, the President of the United States takes a piss'
Don't you believe it!
They leave out all the good parts!
God loves you!
Sincerely,
David S. Annderson