So there I was, hanging out with my friends listening to traditional Chinese music and reading about Tokugawa Japan when I imagined someone from the refined world of classical China, Korea or Japan commenting on how little orchaestral musicians make, to which I replied, yeah, you know, popular musicians can make a much nicer living. So they said, isn't it sad how the players of the beautiful art music make the least amount of money. I said, I don't think that classical musicians make the least amount of money. So then, they ask, who makes the least amount of money? I start thinking about all kinds of wierd obscure instruments, and then, I said, I don't think they exactly count... so who gets payed even less than orchaestral musicians? Jazz musicians? Same sad answer. So who?
Cue the 'dueling banjos' music: Bum bum bum bum, bum bum, bum bum bum!
Bum bum bum bum, bum bum, bum bum bum!
Banjo players.
(Except, of course, the guys who actually PLAYED 'Dueling banjos' in the movie, they got paid lots of money!)
So then I think about how odd it is for an African instrument to become a symbol of white America.
Then I think: The Banjo- the whitest of all African instruments.
:D
Then I think of Papa John Creach, who played blues fiddle in Jefferson Airplane.
The fiddle- the blackest of all classical instruments!
That's absurd. The fiddle is not a CLASSICAL instrument! A Violin, certainly not a Fiddle!
So what is the blackest of all classical instruments?
Ummm.....
Of course- the Piano: you still call it a Piano if you play The Blues on it!
Oh, this is fun!
Okay, what is the purplest of all Purple instruments?
The rare Swedish Double Oboe- Unless of course you have instruments from the planet of the Purple Panda, but they only know of them among us humans out in the countryside of Japan, where some people still farm the soil, but when the city slickers come then they dissappear and you can't find them! Just like that, they dissappear!
How bout the reddest of all red instruments?
A red Gibson SG, of course. Not a red Les Paul, they're more yellow, a SG.
The yellowest of all yellow instruments?
A banana. If you know how to play one. Many people don't. When played in Hippy Music, the banana is known as Mellow Yellow, of course.
The most Rainbow-colored of all instruments?
It was a Strat owned by Jimi, of course.
The most Rainbow-colored of all instruments not played by Jimi Hendrix?
The Fool, played by Clapton, of course.
The most Rainbow-colored of all instruments not played by Jimi Hendrix or Eric Clapton?
Oh yeah. Dark, rich brown Rainbow-colored. The Fender Esquire Jeff Beck played in The Yardbirds. Yeah, man.
The most Plaid of all Plaid instruments? The Highland Bagpipes, of course. That's easy. Deep, concentrated Plaid.
The most Polka-Dotted of all Polka-Dotted instruments?
That hasen't even been invented yet, or even given a name. If it were given a name, the entire adult population of the world would be transformed into five-year olds. Except for those who are already childlike, like me. They'll be transformed into three-year-olds. If it were actually Invented, the world's entire adult poulation would be transformed into three-year-olds, except for those who are already childlike. They will be transformed into Two-year-olds. And if it were actually PLAYED, the world's entire adult population would be transformed into Infants. High on Coffee. Children would be unaffected, of course.
Then I thought: I have got to get this down, on the Internet, right now, while I can still remember it!