uanjuann dyrdig
derr cid jniux
DERR CID JNIUX GUIHIAM HAM' HIBANG
Siaog simlixhak iauxx bue huatdenw hingsingg ee guan'inx jerje. Simlixhak iuguann si sinx kyhak, berdangr qitai dew siqanx-lai drat qaur uanjingw jiujuann. Simliw kyhak vitqingr sriok kyhak, byy tuatli tuantongw kyhak ee digsingr, m si duiww qewdat pnuawduan ee sukyw/ m si duiww siaog qaiwliam ee jongqauwquanx py diyc huaigii ee taiwdo. Itdit qaur juewqin, siarhue-siong huijongqaur sinwdoo dairjiongr jiacc zinrjinx quanced siaog ee siarhue henrsiong. Lole jewdo ee huiwduu qandna' si jit sewqiw jingg ee dairjir; lanw jitt sewdai jingg, juadduardysor ee langg iuguann knuar gigtai zidongg si lixsow-dongzenn :ee.
Lanw byy hxuad ixx kyhak ee taiwdo simxjax siaog henrsiong ee siongrr diongriaur guan'inx, kyxlingg si duiww qetqyw u qniahniaa. Lanw ingqaix qniax, in'ui siaog simlixhak huatdenw hingsingg au, huihiamw jerje. Guaw siaw jitt vunw ceh sii, qaxsed siaog simlixhak huatdenw iuxsow singjiu au, soxx inxkiw ee huihiamw, viw byy huatdenw ee huihiamw kacc je. e anne qongw, hibang zimrhylangg jinrlik hro siaog henrsiong huhap kyhak soxx qiongdiau qinxsin sukyw/ bingcaa sirhuix ee guanjig, derr id vo rair cimsux jitt hxang hingdong ee vunxsinx kyxlingg inxkiw siaa.
SINGX JURGNOW HUANXSINGW
Guaw qongw .quer, puepnuar qongw langg' si og, si oklangg ee digdingx. Oklangg byy singzin jurqiw byy uanbiw, tauwquer jikvi/ quaiwjue langg', uirr jurqiw ee kiamwdiamw venrho, narr u vit'iaur, simrjiww qra qongvingg/ jingwgi ee qii-aw qiac quann ~, huixbet langg'. Jitt lui ee le byy lann knuar .diyc; singwzinn uirr jniawdy byy air sniwmia/ dinwab byy qang iwqenr ee langg/ dua dosad Iutaiwzinn/ Mylai cuanx dosad ... longxx si qang jitt xee dyrliw. Lanw diyhh ciangjai e qir .did : qongw langg jok'og, vunxsinx dyrr si decc jycog. Businlunrjiaw/ agnostik marr siongsinr Iasox qidog qongw "linw m tangx puepnuar langg, jiacc benw hro langg lunrduan".
"Siaog" si jit jiongw dyrdig ee pnuawduan; guaw decc sniu marr kyxlingg si jit jiongw kyhak pnuawduan/ vingrr byy hro siaog vaiduu dirr dyrdig lingxhik ixgua. Siaog duar u damrvyc kinsi, zuqyw lanw dansunn ixx puepingg/ viaujunxhuar simliw ciwgiam qijunxdiamw, jixmiaa mow langg siaog, jerjiyw duiww jitt xee langg jyr liauw dyrdig simxpnuar. Lanw siongrhyw jurgnow kongwjer, m tangx qongw langg siaa. Kyhak quandiamw ee huihiamxsingr ixqingx u qraur quann ar, dyrdig caipnuar ersaih siyxquaw niu vo. Lanw jnuaxngiu ersaih nng dyx jywhuew pud, seh dingxbin qycc dryr sxngx lyc .kir!
Zuqyw lanw qyckacc qin qirli simxknuar, dyrr e bingliauu uanjuann byy jyr dyrdig pnuawduan, m na byy kyxlingg, vunxsinx dyrr erdangr qongw si og. " liw hyw, guaw marr hyw" ee simtair, kyxlingg duiww tuidenw liw/ guaw siarhue quanhe, u damrvy aw hyxcur ziiw! Hilter qamxx qongxx byy m driyc? Barker vordui qamxx driyc? Dikqog duiww jibdiongngiaa ee Iutaiwzinn jyr ihak sidgiam, qamxx jingwdongx? Diongjingqiok jinwhingg beiyc sidgiam, qamxx byy jinggi?
Lanw laii qongw jit quaw zidsiongg sing'uac ee le. Narr qongxx guaw pacsngr beh cniaw langg' , ingqaix didjiap caixiong derr id xui laii cue qangjog :ee? Iauxx si qaix ham' je xui ingwdingjiaw dramm .quer, ui' qidiongx siurhongxjiaw jerbin pingqow? Narr si guaw huathen jurqiw ee qniaw penr langg'/ qongw vehcat/ tautec mic, kiokk diam diam junw .quer, anne qamxx u jin vaxvah ee jikzim? Zuqyw ving'iuw anwsngr beh jursad/ vnerlangg decc bre dogpinw, guaw qaix zuhyy viauxsi? Qamxx beh qra inx qongw, " linw jyr driyc ee dairjir?" narr jinjniar anne, si quewdo ee qangrlixsimx/ nairsimx je qaxx jyr juixjaix lor, sniu' kuan'iongg!
Sursit-siong, narr langg byy qinxsin sukyw/ bingvik sirhuix, byy jyr dyrdig pnuawduan, dairjir dyrr jyr be jniar. Kecho hrur jnii laii cue guaw, marr si beh air guaw jingwkag ee pnuawduan. Guaw kir cue langg mng huatlut bunrdee, si u cuwbi jaix ludsux ee pnuawduan. Liw/ guaw e jiong' go-cingx kox, qewue qadingg cud kir dro qxaw? Daujux? Qiar ginhangg? Jyr qniaw ee qauwiok qiqimx? Guaw si m si jauxsuer? Lanw dagg zit jyr quatding, dyrr si jit jiongw pnuawduan, qidiongx kacc je qamm u dyrdig iwbi; langg benxvutliauw puepingg/ lunrdng.
"Linw m tangx lunrdng langg, jiacc benw hro langg' lunrdng linw" jitt qxur ciangjai virr langg inxiong. Iasox qidog vingrr m si beh lanw juadduir mair lunrdng langg', Ix suar lyc laii ee sir siyw jed qongw :ee si beh dag'ee decc lunrdng langg' jinwjingg, singx lunrdng jurqiw, narr byy, juadduir m hyw lunrdng vadd langg. Ix anne qongw " qexhyw ee langg ah, qaqi bagjuix-lai ee cakox diyhh singx tec cud laii, jiacc erdangr knuar cingcyw, tangx qra hniadi bagjiux-lai ee ca'iur-aw tec cud laii." Iasox qidog qakcaa cud dyrdig pnuawduan kyxlingg inxhamm siaog, qawsi lanw m si qandna' dypiah, qaix singx jingrhuar jurqiw, jiacc jyr dyrdig pnuawduan. Oklangg jongxsi piacbenw jurgnow puepingg, jingrhuar jurqiw si oklangg jyr be qaur :ee.
Lanw rair e qir .did puanwduan ee iwdoo, zuqyw si uirr vaiqaiw qauliauu/ dirliauu dyrr byy iauwqinw, zuqyw si uirr tequann qywzinn ee jurjunx/ jungiamm dyrr m driyc lor! " narr m si siongrder ee undenw, dyrr qaix singx lunrdng jurqiw" si muixx jit vaiw pnuawduan langg' si m si siaog sii, qaix u ee huanxsingw.
Mow quaw langg jiong' siongrder huanxsingw ee jinliw "narr m si siongrder ee undenw, dyrr ingqaix singx lunrdng jurqiw" knuar jyr cutsiwmia ee qinqir, kyxlingg anne sniu, lanw erdangr qiur jurqiw qaur sniaw tingdo, iauxx si jit xee bunrdee, hyvid bycaiw qangx/ qex liauw qangx? Mrqycc sokmiarlun ee qetqyw jixsi diwmia ziiw! Zinrding jurqiw byy huatdo, jairr miarun hixlang, jixu bedbongg . Byy quanw lanw ingxuanw byy kyxlingg jinjniar huathen zinlui junjai ee iwgi, vauquad cue cud " uirhyy jitt xee langg senrliongg, lingrgua hit xee si siaa :ee" ee dap'anr, lanw iuguann u jikzim jin jurqiw ee ligliong, uac qaxx qongcaiw/ u jingsinn; jex marr iwbi diyc lanw sing'uac-diongx berdangr kiamr ee dyrdig pnuawduan. Zinlui si ersaih jurqiw suanw hro qaqi uac dirr kacc je/ iacc si kacc jiyw ee budix jongrtair.
Anne, bunrdee m si dirr si m si pnuawduan, si bylun zuhyy, lanw itding rair lyc pnuawduan; bunrdee cud dirr zuhyy/ hysii jyr bingvik ee pnuawduan. Zinlui uixdai ee jingsinn lingxsiur ixqingx jixdiamw lanw qivunw guanjig! Lanw jiongbuew diyhh jyr dyrdig lunrdng, habliw ee hongsid si, jit bin e qir .did qivunw guanjig, jit bin ixx kyhak honghuad/ unriong lanw duiww siaog ee zinrdix, jingjinr lanw ee diwhui.
KUANUIX? UIKUANN?
Jex si jit xee dua hamrjnew: e qongw hamrjnew si in'ui zinlui hro kyhak kuan'uix ciauquer ingqaix u ee huanruii jerje, guan'inx u nng diamw, derr id si qik jiyxsor ee langg jaix kyhak ee hanrjer; derr zi, zinlui ongxongw quewdo uaxkyr kuan'uix.
Guaw duarhanr jaboxqniaw iauxx decc cirlingx ingzii sii, sriu diyc juvix/ qingwgiap/ isut itliluu/ hagbun siongdongx ee siyxzikyx isux jin' jiauwqor. Cutsir jit qywguec au, Lily ham' guaw jywhuew kir cue jitt xui isux, ix jixsi gunw qaix sui' cri ix gnerjid/ cox jiahmic, qongw jiac buxlingx ee ingzii su'iaur jitt lui ee sidpinw. Quer liauw jit dxangx, derr zi jaboxqniaw, gunw qycc kir cue jitt xui isux, ix qra gunw qongw, gnerjid jiahmic jinrliong kacc ban hro jiac, jiacc be ingxhiongw jiac buxlingx soxx did diyc ee digvet ing'iongw.
"kyhak" jin' binghenw iuxsow qaixvenr! Guaw iauxx decc tak ihagngi sii, qauwsiu qauwdy gunw, cox sidpinw jiac kacc jiyw si qindir Diverticulosisee vanrhuad, dnaxx ihagngi ee hagsingx qar ee si, cox sidpinw zuxx quann jiacc e qindir Diverticulosis.
Jiaxee qinglik hro guaw texhue .diyc, soxui kyhak sursit, vutqyr si jit quaw kyhagqax henrqaidnua ee sniurhuad/ quanliam ziiw! Lanw quanwsir zinrding kyhak dairviauw jinsiongr/ jinliw, sursit-siong, kyhak diwsig si dirr digvet surgiap lingxhik-lai qangjog ee dysor kyhagqax, soxx pnuawduan siongrr jiapqin sursit jinsiongr ee vorhun. Jinliw m si lanw soxx jiangxag ee surbut, si lanw hibang noxlik drat qaur ee bogviaux.
Hro langg damsimx ee si, kyhagqax --- iuqii si simlixhagqax --- jiong' jiamduir mow quaw zinbut/ surqnia ee siaokbin, qongkaix huatviauw iwqenr. Kacc vuthing :ee si, lanw kyhagqax narr lyc liauw byy qenrjuann ee qetlun, e viw itvnualangg kacc benw sriu kenxjig. Jerje byy ham' Barry Goldwater qnir quer bin ee jingsinn isux, dirr 1964 nii qra ix dah "simliw jongrtair byy sikzim jongxtongw jit'ui" ee viauhy. Solenn ee jingsinn isux sibquanr lamriong inx juangiap kuan'uix, jiong' jingwdi iwqenr byy qang ee zinsu dah "jingsinvne" ee viautauu; suibongw drat qaur jingwdi lirig, kiokk uihuanw jinliw/ dirliauu ee kuanli.
Siarhue dairjiongr vikced qiawbang sriu kyhagqax ee iwqenr laii ingxhiongw, hro bunrdee qyckacc okhuar. Cniurr jingg tyxlun kuntew og soxx biysut :ee, dairjiongr qamguan jyr duisuijiaw, m jyr lingxdyrjiaw. Lanw buanxjiog (simrjiww vikced qitai) iu' kuan'uix dairsux dairter lanw sukyw. Dairjiongr ongxongw qra kyhak dongwjyr "dethak hongder", suibongw inx ciangjai ham' qitnax dairjiongr qangrkuanw besid, marr unxjunw inx inxcua lanw qniaa cud diwsig ee behundin.
Vindnua iong taukag sniu dairjir hro lanw be qir did kyhak susiongw cavutdyx cniurr hongqeh/ himsiongw qangrkuanw duer liuhingg. Kyhak siqniaa ee quanliam, jixsi bogjingg soxx singlip qenwqaiw m si dingrlun. Uirr kakvyw anjuann, lanw diyhh damhu duiww kyhagqax/ juxdniux jitgii ee jikzim. Ngua jit qxur qongw, vutqaix kinsangx hongwkir lingxdyrkuann. Beh hro muixx jit xee langg jniajyr kyhagqax si jit jiongw sniu' giamqeh ee iauqiuu, mrqycc lanw diyh'air jin juanlik, jiwjiyw qaix jyr qaur jurqiw hunx e cringx sxen-og ee qingxqair. Senrog byy kyxlingg virr vaiduu dirr kyhak qiamxgiam huanruii gua, marr berdangr uanjuann qaux hro kyhak pnuawduan.
Hyxzirun, dirr lanw ee bunhuar, kyhagqax hnuahiw horsiong venrlun. Narr sniu diyc mow sii/ mow soxjai e cuthen ixx senrog jyr juxdee, kiokk bersaih venrlun ee "kyhak" jinliw, hro guaw kiw mngqngw. Venrlun si jinjniar kyhak ee qijiyc; berdangr venrlun/ byy ciongbuanw huaigii ee kyhak, qinvunw m si kyhak. Kakvyw kyhak/ uicii kyhaghuar/ kyhak qenwlip dirr qobuw qongkaix venrlun ee binjuw bunhuar-siong, si hongjiw kyhagqax lamriong siaog quamliam ee siongrr hyw cikliok.
ZIN CRINGX DYRR BYY HUIHIAMW
Kyxlingg jiong' kyhak huathen/ quanliam unriong dirr qiquair iongrdoo ee kiwgiap/ jingwhuw/ diwsig byy qraur ciongjiog ee siarhue dairjiongr si huihiamw ee, m si ixx kyhak jinliw miagi, huatviauw qywzinn quandiamw ee kyhagqax. Guanjuxdnuaa si kyhagqax noxlik genxqiur uansingg, mrqycc jingwkeh/ qundui jiacc si jewjy/ jyr cud dausia quatcig ee langg. Jex m si qongw kyhagqax genxqiur huathen jit diamw aw dyrr byy jikzim, si dairviauw inx byy jiangxkongr itcer jinghongw! Itdanr huathen qongkaix huatviauw, dyrr jniajyr qongqiong lingxhik ee jit vorhun (kyhagqax ixx genxqiur/ juriuu liutongx jyr qicow, diyh'air jiong' genxqiur huathen qongkaix ), zimrhylangg longxx erdangr suxiong, dairjiongr lirig tuantew viw kyhagqax vunxsinx kacc u ue beh qongw.
Simliw kyhak diwsig vunxsinx ixqingx jysiu itvnuax siarhue dairjiongr ixx qokk jiongw hongsid lamrsamxiong. Bixqog suhuad texhe unriong simlix kyhak/ soxu suxiong ee tingdo ixqingx vutjiw u jinggi, qyckacc benw qongw Solenn lor! Simliw ciwgiam duiww qauwsux suibongw ongxongw qik u qewdat, mrqycc jerje haidongg kiokk sriu gorjinw/ cywgno quilui, luirsu ee ciwcig ongxongw virr dongwjyr/ virr goriong laii qirjuat langg jiaipsiu kacc qydingw ee qauwiok, qirjuat pinwiong ee lixiuu. Jit qrunn l.-lamluw-l. dirr enwhue kaiqangw/ vangr qokk jiongw hongsniax, dysor m jaix inx duiww jurqiw soxx damlun ee ing'axue zimrbad byy qaiww cringx, byy sniu qongxx inx ee byliauu ue kyxlingg inxhuad cud ee hiyrqyw.
Lanw sidjai m qnaw siongxsiong, siarhue dairjiongr jiangxag iuxquanx siaog kyhak sinwsid ee jingqingw. Qaxsed venrzin oklangg ee simliw cikgiam erdangr iuxhau huatdenw, anne sniu beh suxiong jitt jiongw ciwcig dongwjyr hagsut ixgua iongrdoo ee langg jiong' vutduan itdit laii, haghau iongrlaii qingxsuanw byy huhap su'iaur ee sincingxzinn/ huatdingg jyr pnuawding si m si u jue ee qinqir/ ludsux iongrlaii pah qnuasix jingcuw qamwhorkuann ... dringw. Marr cniaw sniu jit xe, muixx jit xee langg zuhyy dirr cinjniaa ving'iuw/ qowjuw/ qingwjingx duiwciuw ee srinx-siong, suncue siaog diaurtauu/ hunziah, itdanr inx huathen diyc jit sxix aw kyxlingsingr sii, kyxlingg sui' qongkaix suantuann/ dua sniax qongqig duiwhongx.
Suibongw hiongr siarhue dairjiongr hongsyw quanhe siaog kyhak siausid sidjai byy kyxlingg, qywzinn jingsinn jongrtair juliau si ersaih vyxcii inxbit ee. Simliw/ jingsinn isux soxx jinwhingg ee siaog jinxduan, ersaih qingquer giamqeh qamwkongr kyhak genxqiur iongrdoo. Sursit-siong, guaw qenquad siongsinr, quewkir sxor jap nii itvnuax siarhue dairjiongr duiww simlixhak ee zimrbad zuxx jingqax, siongrdingx zinlui dyrdig/ diwhui hiongr jingg hac jit dua vo. M quanw mow quaw langg kyxlingg iong gugong/ byy kiauw ee hongsid, qongkaix damlun Freud, busowlangg marr zinrdongg, amwiwsig junjai ee sursit kyxlingg si zinlui did diyc qiuwsiok ee qinvunw. Zinlui duiww penqenr ee junjai/ kixguann/ amwiwsig ee dig'ir/ huilixsingr ee qniahniaa/ disingr ee amwngiaw/ simliw-siong quanwsir ee jewiog/ qirjuat singdiongw ... dringw girdee sanxsingx hingwcur, si zinlui enxhuar ee kaisiw.
Siarhue dairjiongr duiww siaog simlixhak ee diwsig jiamrr jingqax, si hongjiw lamriong simlixhak ee honghuad. M quanw lanw iuguann su'iaur genxqiur diaurjax, jiacc erdangr duiww siaog zinrbad kacc cimx, mrqycc lanw ixqingx qniaa cud gignaiw, kurvi jit quaw quanliam, viwzuu: oklangg berdangr/ m guanrir binrduir vunxsinx ee jue, jiyh jixkongr langg' ee kiamwdiamw uirr jurqiw venrho. Itdanr lanw huatdenw cud siaog simlixhak, jingg soxx qongw :ee virr hagjiaw zinrding si siongsig ee sursit, jurzenn e kacc kuacbin liutuann .cud .kir, liw/ guaw marr qyckacc erdangr giuw cud krenx jiyhtauu ee langg. Dng' kyhak hongsid tamwsyh siaog henrsiong ee cuwbi siabtauw zip siarhue dairjiongr, lamriong kyhak ee huihiamw, jiong' e zuxx laii zuxx byy diongriaur ar!
UAXQIN SIAA EE HONGHIAMW
Qaur jitmaw uijiw, lanw ixqingx dramm .diyc siarhue dairjiongr kyxlingg iong kyhagqax soxx genxqiur siaog juxdee, laii hamrzip huihiamw, mrqycc kyhagqax vunxsinx si m si e dac diyc huexsnuar neh? Guaw siongsinr, inx kyxlingg be in'ui vunxsinx soxx jinwhingg ee genxqiur hamrzip hiamxqingw!
Dirliauu isux itdit si ixx siongrr qivunw kyhak hongsid tamwqiur oklangg, duliauw vnuaenw dirliaujiaw qaksig ee jingsinn dirliausux/ kumosux, guanrir ham' siaog zinqeh tiaujenr/ juansimx ingwhur guirjongx ee xmoo ixgua, byy qitnax honghuad erdangr tiacpuar oklngg ee binrdar, ham' siaog vunxsinx dew dyx siy' pud ee quewdingg-diongx, hro lanw liauxqaiw siaog ee qivunw digsingr.
Iuxquanx kusiaa ee ceh, qiongdiau qnuaxquiw :ee ham' siaog duiwkongr ee jiongxjiongw huihiamw, tongsiongg ixx jurzenn kyhak ee iongrgiw biyue, erdangr viauxdat kacc kurtew/ qycc iong'i tyxlun. Mrqycc guaw zinruii qnuaxquiw :ee kusiaa sii, vunxsinx ee simlingg sriu srngw/ simrjiww dui lyc, dua quer sixbongg/ puawsniur. Jinjniar u simx dirliauu siaog vnerlangg ee jingsinn dirliausux, guaw siongsinr jerjiyw marr u jysiu .quer luirsu ee honghiamw. Bogjingg oklangg jiapsiu jingsinn dirliauu ee jinghingg byy je, lanw duiww qidiongx soxx siap .diyc ee huihiamw, liauxqaiw byy cimx. Narr qongw jitt vunw ceh singqongx qig kiw oklangg singsimx jiapsiu dirliauu, anne zuxx laii zuxx je ee dirliausux e jinwhingg jiamduir cam'uw dirliauu soxx kansiap diyc huihiamw ee sidgiam. Guaw beh huanhur jiaxee dirliausux diyhh sewji, inx kyxlingg e hro jurqiw henr dirr qik huihiamw ee cuxqingw. Guaw zinruii, cniurr jitt lui tamwqiur huihiamw ee sidgiam vutqaix iu' siauwlenn dirliausux jyr, inx iuguann su'iaur hagsip zuhyy duiwkongr itvnuax joxlik/ jingqamw huanxjuanxii ee henrsiong. Iauxx bue tetdew kiwduu jurqiw bagjiux-lai cakox ee langg, marr m hyw cir, simlingg cuiwziok ee dirliausux be kamx did virr qongqig.
M na dirliausux/ qnuaxquiw :ee ... dringw soxx vnuaenw qaksig u huihiamxsingr, juansimx genxqiur siaog juxdee ee langg sriu siaog uwziamw ee honghiamw itdit junjai, lanw ham' siaog qaujenr si zuxx laii zuxx qin, jniajyr siaog ee kyxlingsingr marr zuxx quann, vauquad soxu qandna' dirr dosuquanw/ sidgiamrsig qangjog ee kyhagqax, longxx rair tniax zip kir jitt jiongw koxkngr, singx knuar Aldous Huxley (1894-1963) soxx siaw ee ceh "okmoo Loudon (The Devils of Loudon)", si hunsig jap-cid sewqiw huatsingx dirr Huatqog jit xee siyw dinr siaog surqnia, tamwtyw siaog hurbin ingxhiongw juxdee siongrr hyw ee duwjog! jo lanw jingqax diwsig/ huatdenw siaog simlixhak. Genxqiuwjiaw/ dirliausux rair e qir did jitt vunw ceh soxx tecniw lanw : ciangjai/ vutduan jiong' juwiwlat jibdiongx dirr siaog ongxongw e jyrsingg sionghai. Byy uirr siongrder, jixsi itsimx sniu beh duiwkongr moquiw ee langg juadduir byy hxuad hro sewqair kacc hyw --- m si hro sewqair uicii henrjong/ dyrr si viw guanvunw kacc baiw. Bylun lanw ee iongrir zuarr senrliongg, ixx siaog jok'uii jyr sukyw, dyrr si ter siaog jewjy qihue. (p.192)
Byy langg erdangr jiong' juwiwlik juanjur dirr siaog --- simrjiww qandna' juwsimx siaog ee quanliam --- kiokk erdangr lenrr jit qix mox dyrr byy siongx .diyc. Huanxkongr okmoo ee lat narr ngiaa quer sinwkyr siongrder ee lat, e jiokk huihiamw, muixx jit xui qaixqikjiaw longxx jin' kyxlingg kixsiauw. Virr digzinn ee siaa uwziamw/ jysiu siaog idnii ee langg, vunxsinx jerjiyw e jniajyr siaog. (p.160)
KNUAR TAUGR QUER LIW EE SIAA
Juewau jit hxang quawlu kyxlingg si: narr ixx kyhagquanx simxcaa zinsingr ee og, kyxlingg e dowziaw kykak vunxjid/ giamdiong uihiap "byy qamm juxquanx qewdat pnuawduan" ee kyhak tuantongw. Narr si lanw jiong' "byy juxquanx qewdat pnuawduan" ee tuantongw dongwjyr kyhak qicow, anne ixx qewdat pnuawduan jyr siaog kyhak ee lunrdng, qamxx m si sngxhai lanw soxx sigsai ee kyhak qicow?
Kyxlingg jitt xee dogdik kyhak qicow u vit'iaur siujingr. Duliauw qik jiyxsor ee digle gua, kyhak genxqiur ixqingx m si danid doglip suncue jinliw ee qywzinn, dirr qanxdanx sidgiamrsig jit xee langg ee dairjir ziiw! Kacc je si dirr jingwhuw/ kiwgiap janrjo ha, siyxjox singguann qinqir dingxqib soxx jixsi quiding :ee, jywhuew sna' habjog jinwhingg. Henrdairhuar genxqiur diaurjax soxx su'iaur ee qisut sidjai jin' hogjap, honghiamw marr quann, qycc qasiong henrdai kyhak/ dua kiwgiap/ duarhingg jingwhuw qiqor horsiong qaudnii ee quanhe, ongxongw kanx jit snuar ingxhiongw juanqiok, "sunn kyhak" ixqingx byy kyxlingg junjai ar! Siongrbuew ee qetqyw si, tuatlii jongqauwquanx/ jinliw ee kyhak naxjunxx dimlunn jyr siauxqongg ee buxkir vixsair !
Lanw u cionghunx lixiuu huaigii byy qamm juxquanx qewdat pnuawduan ee tuantongw kyhak, byy hac zinlui ee su'iaur ar; marr u lixiuu huaigii kyhak berdangr/ vutqaix qra qewdat quanliam vangr gua gua; "siaog" si jiaxee qewdadquanx siongrr binghenw ee bunrdee. Dng' lanw druar dirr cimsnuax, iaxsiur/ dua ho/ duarjuiw/ huexsiyvox/ qihngx/ tuanziaxvne ... dringw jaieh byy hxuad cuxliw sii, lanw byy siqanx/ benw jyr sniu' je ee huanxsingw, e jin' qitai jogkunn u linglik kongwjer jiaxee qiongdua guarlik. Dng' lanw unriong tuantongw byy qamm qewdat pnuawduan ee kyhak/ kyhak soxx enxsingx cud ee qisut, iuxhau kongwjer jiaxee guarlik au, luervo ee huihiamw jiamrr singquann, liw/ guaw singjunn ee juxiaur uihiap byy qycc si guarjai ee dairjurzenn, si zinlui luerjai ee vunxsingr. Lanw cinwcaiw simtair/ duiwdik hing'uii/ jursux-jurli/ qiaugno hongsinn/ jippiah budix, uirr jingxqyy sewqair duar laii huihiamw. Duhuix lanw erdangr apjer/ giuxjniar junjai dirr zinlui luersimx siaog vunwjid; binrduir guarjai sewqair sewji/ jingbit/ ciauzenn qinxsin ee taiwdo qangrkuanw simjingg quanjiaur jurqiw luersimx ee og, narr byy, lanw jurqiw qycc si beh anxjuanw uac .lyc .kir?
"siaog" simlixhak --- jyr dyrdig pnuawduan/ ok'ir budix lamriong kyhak jusinr hro quanliam camjap/ uaxqin siaog --- kaksit e diwsuw jerje huihiamw, jex m na si lixlun-siong soxui ee hamrjnew ziiw! Itdanr lanw huatdenw siaog simxlixhak, dyrr e sidjer sag zip hamrjnew lai. M quanw lanw cue cud qokk jiongw kyxlingg ee hongsid, piacbenw lyc zip hamrjnew, kiokk kaksinr iuguann u iwgua jaieh huatsingx. Dnaxx sewqer kiwgiap jibtuann/ guanjuxdnuaa/ dosad surqnia, h.-hunziauw-z. sewqair, lanw qaix caixiong inwtin hongsid huisiongg bingkag --- siaog simlixhak kyxlingg inxcua cud huihiamw, narr m huatdenw, qyckacc huihiamw.
AIR EE LIGLIONG
Siaa si ho'ngg tyxiar/ jin' qydnii/ pnaiw knuar sniur. Qaur dnaxx lanw itdit jiong' jiaudiamw kngr dirr sikdongx pnuawduan siaog ee huihiamw/ pywhairlik, lingrgua jit bin cniurr vipiw/ angwdo/ hyw knuawtauu byy sidjai ... dringw longxx si siaa.
Simone Weil (1909-43) soxx siaw ee jit pnix dew bunn "diwhui ee suanxdik (Criteria of Wisdom)": siongxsiong-diongx ee siaog si longrban/ gnoxcaiw ngiaxiangg, mrqycc jinjniar ee siaog kiokk si utjud amwngiaw/ did'auu buqiok/ buliauu hro langg iamwhin ee. C.S.Luwis (1898-1963) soxx siaw ee ceh " dua lienn (The Great Divorce)" anne qongw "juewqin guaw kir L.A., taukag-lai itdit puu cud derqak siongrr sinx ee uerbin : jit vaiw qycc jit vaiw ee pajinqo, byzit-bymee, kongkir-diongx si jit dxuix ginqak'aw sirsi-suacsuah, camx diyc diongjiongw ee dua huachiux, jit xee qycc jit xee gongrsinn/ byy viauxjingg ee bagjiux, qimx qimx siongr qikir, muixx jit xee qowding siqanx hionghiongg cud ciuw dua lat giuw jit xe qnuaw-aw, itdit dinghok anne ee dongrjog, sidjai jin' bybi! L.A. ee naurzet cauwjok jixvutqyr si amwkamr siokbok hibii ziiw!
Singwzinn ee qywzinn digjid ham' itvnuax cutqiyh/ dogdik zinbut byy qang, jex si singwzinn ixqingx jniajyr uanjuann ee jurqiw, luersimx itcer byy loriong ee jaupyh longxx danr cud kir jap-veh tnix-gua ar. Siongrder congwjy muixx jit xee byy qang ee langg, Ix ee qngx tauwquer simlingg, uac lingwlingr henwcud laii, cingsinx/ bixle. Keats (1795-1821) hing'iongg jitt xee sewqair si " siusinx iongxsingr ee kneqog". Jingsingg dirliauu isux qamxx jaix, inx vangjan vnerlangg jamxdng jabcauw lauu lyc vit'iaur ee qiqud, si decc jinwhingg "qauwiongw singwzinn" ee uahdang? Inx dongzenn marr jaix, hro huanrjiaw juriuu jurjai jyr jurqiw si inx ee zimrbu.
Siongduir singwzinn lingrgua jit jiongw qigtauu ee zinbut luirhingg, si siongrr byy juriuu ee oklangg. Lanw dirr oklangg srinx-siong qandna' knuar diyc vah jiongw byy loriong ee vunwsyr jaupyh. Derr snax jniux ixx limcngg ihak/ vnerjingr hunliurhak ee hongsid biyue siaog singwqeh, oklangg duxhyw huhap hitt xee mosid, jixiaur liw bad knuar quer jit xee oklangg, dingxii qnir diyc juanvo! Duw diyc lanw zinruii siongrr giamdiong/ siauxqongg tingdo ee jingsinn huanrjiaw, simrjiww e hro lanw qamxqag qyckacc cuwbi. (sursit-siong, lanw u lixiuu huaigii, mow quaw jingsinn vnerhuan si virr qingxsuanw dairter oklangg ee zinsuanw.)
anne, uirsniawmic qaur dnaxx jingsinn isux iauxx byy hxuad hunven jitt lui jiacc binghenw/ mosid qowding ee zinbut luirhingg? Si oklangg itdit ixx texben ee siarhue derui guirjongx jurqiw, inx qruar diyc Harvey M.Cleckley (1903-1984) soxx qongw ee "sindir qenrjuann ee binrdar (The Mask of Sanity)". Guaw jit xee bogsux ving'iuw jixcud, siaog si " qigtauu ee vnerjingr" , oklangg qaxjongx sindir qenrjuann, qisit si siongrr siauxqongg ee langg.
Hannah Arendt (1906-75) qonw diyc "vinghuann/ byy inw kiw langg juwbak ee siaog (The Banality of Evil)" sii, qixle Adolf Eichmann(1906-62) siauxqongg ee tingdo hro langg m qnaw siongsinr. Thomas Merton(1915-68) anne qongw :
A.Eichmann dirr jiapsiu ciwlen sii, jingsinn isux suanvor ix uanjuann qenrkongx, si siongrr hro langg vut'anx ee sursit ji' id. Lanw jiong' sindir qenrjuann dingxii si jingwgirqamw/ zinjingbi/ sukyw cingcyw/ air ee vau'iongg/ textiab langg', qitai sindir qenrjuann ee langg hro jitt xee sewqair tuatli iaxbann/ byy hiongqongg/ be huixbet. Dnaxx lanw jiamrr bingliauw, dyrr si taukag cingcyw ee langg siongrr huihiamw; lixdir/ laurjai/ sik'ingr hyw ee langg, jiacc e kiwdnia-siningg/ simvingg kiwhyy qra huidnuaa huatsia .cud .kir.
Narr qongxx oklangg guirjongx jiacc singqongx/ inx ee pywhairlat naxx "jingwsiongg", lanw qaix zuhyy ingwhur? Dairsingx, lanw diyhh mair qycc siongsinr inx ee qew binrdar, tingjiw virr inx qew ee guarviauw kipenr. Hibang jitt vunw ceh erdangr u vangjan.
Qycc laii rair jyr sniaw? Qoxlyw ee cecqur anne qongw "liauxqaiw liw ee digzinn." lanw m na diyhh bad jiaxee kyxlenn/ imdimm/ hro langg qniahniaa ee langg, marr diyhh genxqiur inx, jinrlik dirliauu/ vau'iongg inx.
Qiwzenn siaog simlixhak ee huihiamw dingdingg, lanw kyxlingg dirr jiapciog ee quewdingg sriu diyc uwziamw/ huwbin ingxhiongw, anne zuhyy drat qaur soxx qitai ee bogviaux?
Guaw sniu, lanw qandna' erdangr caixiong jniawbin qewdadquanx ee hongsid, jiamduir guanvunw si huwbin ee qewdadqanx, kaksit ixx kyhak hongsid jinwhingg genxqiur. Bingkag qongw, guaw zinruii jixu tauwquer air, jiacc erdangr kinsangx byy quawlu genxqiur/ dirliauu siaog.
Jit xui zi-jap-veh huer ee lamjuw, jingxqyy donglenn siqii sriu vaxvah ee ingxhiongw, jysiu jerje siaog ee idnii. Guaw uirr ix jinwhingg sxor nii ee dirliauu. U jit amr ix jyr liauw bang, siongrdingx jingxqyy liaudingg juanw jniawbin:
Dongsii si jenwsii (jenr-sii), guaw srinx cing jenwdauwhok, kia dirr Morris dinr --- guaw dro .quer siongrr cicamw donglenn ee cur jingdniaa, vaxvah dirr cur-lai. Guaw iong bysnuar denrue ham' jit xui puawqikpaur vorvingx tong'ue, qra cur ee uirdir jyrviaux vywqyr hro vorvingx vaidniuw, iauqiuu jinwhingg dertanxsid hongjar. Guaw jaix jurqiw/ vaxvah longxx u kyxlingg e siw, cur marr e juanvo huixbyy, guaw qamxqag jit diamw aw dyrr byy iauwqinw. Vorvingx vaidniuw viauxsi berdangr jyr, ix qongw, "gunw jriab diyc jerje beh gunw jyr dertanxsid hongjar ee cingxqiuu, hongjar ee huanruii ixqingx jerje soxjai ar." gauw jin' sitbong, qycc qra vaiwtog, simrjiww qra qongw, narr erdangr uanbuanw dadsingg, gunw daux u jit sniux Scotch Whisky beh sangr inx. Juewau virr guaw qamxdong! Ix viauxsi e sniu tywdongr vanrhuad. Guaw jin' hnuahiw! Qycc laii, vaxvah an' cur-lai qniaa cud laii ham' guaw qongxue, be qir did ix qongw sniaw, lueriongg ham' beh laii gunw daux ee langg/ qitnax ee langg iuxquanx. Zenau, vaxvah qycc zip kir cur-lai. Guaw duiww lo jitt tauu knuar .quer .kir, knuar diyc jit qrunn langg qniaa hiongr gunw cur jitt vingg laii, m jaix inx si si'angw, m si cinjniaa, jixsi beh laii gunw jiax cue langg. Hionghiongg guaw huathen paur itdit jar(jrar? jitt zri bogjingg byy zri tangx siaw, dyrr qra siaw jyr "jrar" marr hyw.) hitt qrunn langg. Guaw naxx siauw :ee dua sniax hiuqiyr vorvingx vaidniuw, mrqycc jitt vaiw guaw qriuu inx mair hongjar, "guaw qangrkuanw e hro liw hitt sniux jiuw", vaidniuu viauxsi e cuxsiaux bingrling. Jitt sii, guaw jingsinn, qui' xee langg kinsangx cuanw jit kauxkir; guaw bingvik jurqiw dirr sikdongx siqanx ham' vaidniuw tongx denrue, dairjir byy bruw baiw .kir.
Cniurr jitt xee vnerlangg ee bang qangrkuanw, liw/ guaw longxx ham' siaog kongwjingx, qiglet jenwjingx sii, qandna' sniu beh iong qanxdanx ee qaixquad honghuad, vixzii, jixiaur hro jiaxee langg siw. Dirr jokjenr simjniaa giac quann sii, tuatli siaog ee quewdingg-diongx, lanw simrjiww guanrir byy air jurqiw sniwmia. Mrqycc lanw duw diyc "uirr drat qaur bogdig bersaih lamriong ciuxdnua" ee bunrdee. Suibongw siaog si huanxsniwmia, siaog vunxsinx marr si jit jiongw sniwmia hingsid. Taii oklangg, taii ee langg vunxsinx marr jniajyr og --- satzinn hiongciuw. Narr qongxx zinlui pacsngr jiyh huixbet siaog jyr duiwhur siaog ee hongsid, anne lanw marr jiongbuew qniaa hiongr huixbet jurqiw, kyxlingg e qra jit quaw senrliongg sunjinx ee langg tuax .lyc.
Anne, lanw qaix anxjnuaw jyr? Lanw diyhh jiauww jingg soxx qongw :ee, dairsingx diyhh hongwkir jiyh huixbet siaog/ jinwhingg iuxhau jinghok siaog dansunn sniurhuad. Jiong' qaqi he dirr mow jiongw kangbyy ee jongrtair. Lanw qamxx beh nng cniuw jit hnair, knuar siaog qinvunw be qaixquad ee bunrdee? Dongzenn bersaih tihh! Jex juadduir m si sniwmia ee iwgi. Sniwmia si dirr senrog qaujenr ee quewdingg-diongx sanxsingx iwgi --- lanw sxen simx ee jitt vingg u ngiaa ee hibang, hibang "sxen" pacvai "og". Ngua jit qxur ue, lanw hnuaw hnuaw gno cud, itdit sniu beh jaix ee dyrliw : jixu air, jiacc ngiaa e quer og.
Lanw diyhh iong air pacvai og. Jid'err tniax, naxjunxx jin' qanxdanx, qamxx be huaigii, uirhyy m caixiong kacc uaw jinliw ee dyrliw? Sursut-siong, "air" tniax laii qanxdnax, beh hingdong sidjai byy iong'i, iong air ee hongsid, lanw jongxsi e damw damw . Simrjiww jit kaisiw, beh caixiong air, naxjunxx qinvunw qniaa be tongx, lanw jnuaxngiu kyxlingg e kir air siaog ee langg neh? Mrqycc lanw kaksit rair anne jyr. Jingwkag qongw, lanw narr pacsngr an'unw genxqiur siaog, diyhh iong air jitt diauu lo: derr id vo, senquad diauqnia dyrr si diyhh "air" oklangg.
Lanw dngw kir dirliauu Charlyne sii soxx duw diyc jinwter liongxlann ee kunwqingw. Charlyne qencii beh guaw knuar ix si tenjinx busiaa ee ingzii/ byy diauqnia air ix. Mrqycc, ix m si ingzii ar! Ix byqor itcer beh guaw anne jyr, dirr guaw ee luersimx, byy hxuad jiurr ix ee og duanrgenn ix si oklangg. "air" oklangg, qamxx m si siaog?
Qaixquad jitt xee liongxlann ee kunwqingw si jit jiongw ciongbuanw maudunw quixquair. Air si senrog nng tauu ciongbuanw qidongrsingr ee vnevang. Byy kakding ee jinghongw-ha, ciongbuanw tongwkow/ kiokk u congwir ee aplik, si jit diauu beh jaix jin' lann/ jyr jin' qanxdanx ji' qranx, kunwlann dingg dingg ee jinsnuar. Naxx sinn ee juvix si "air" berdangr kiamr ee kuanhongg-dairliong.
Mow jit xui bogsux inxsut siongrder ee ue, soxui siongrder duiww zinlui ee juvix, anne qongw:
Guaw bad liw, guaw congwjy liw, liw dirr maxmah ee vakdow-lai ee sii, guaw dyrr itdit air liw, liw itdit beh dytuad guaw ee air, bylun liw jauw zuarr hng, guaw iuguann air liw, air liw ee tingdo jit diamw aw dyrr byy qiamw. Gauw itdit byy hiongr liw dyjauw ee ligliong kuthok, qenquad byy vangr ciuw, byy beh hro liw likuix guaw, guaw jiapsiu liw guanvunw ee ngiurmau, liw did diyc siawbenw. guaw liauxqaiw liw soxx sriu itcer ee koxlan, guaw jin' bingliauu jiaxee tongwkow. Liw iuxsow vutdix, dng' liw siurkow sii, guaw marr decc siurkow. Guaw cingcyw, liw uirr amkamr jurqiw/ vadd langg duiww liw sniwmia soxx jyrsingg ee siaa/ auwcaur, saixcud itcer siyw qanjar. Mrqycc liw iuguann bixle, liw ee luerjai viw liw soxx jaix ee qyckacc bixle. Jitt xee sewqanx dog'id-buzi ee liw, ingxuanw jiong' guaw singwqed ee suiw, binghenw henwcud laii, jex si liw suiw ee dyrliw. Marr huathen liw jiong' jniajyr bixle ee langg, liw jin' suiw. Liw tauwquer guaw uanbiw byy kiamwdiamw air ee ligliong, suiw qaxx jit diamw aw dyrr byy kicqag. Liw jionglaii e suiw qaxx byy langg u hxuad tewdai liw, jex m si liw jurqiw hunwdaur, si lanw jywhuew noxlik dadsingg :ee.
Simlai junjai "auwcaur siaog kyxlingg dngxjuanw bixsen" ee qitai, laii dongwjyr vau'iongg siaog ui'id dongrlik vingrr byy iong'i. Mrqycc jniujii virr jimx jit xe, tngwpuee venwjyr ongjuw ee sinue iuguann junjai. Ue qongw dngw laii, jniujii ho'ngg jimx jit xe, uirhyy e venwjyr ongjuw neh? Air ee honghuad zuhyy sanxsingx anne ee haurqyw? Air zuhyy dirliauu og? Guaw byy cingcyw ee dap'anr.
Guaw byy cingcyw, si "air" erdangr iong jerje hongsid huatsingx jok'iong, muixx jit jiongw hongsid longxx byy hxuad ircig. Mrqycc guaw jaix, jurgnow jingrhuar si air ee derr id iauwbu, itdanr zinlui vin' siongrder ee undenw jingrhuar jurqiw, drat qaur jinsimx air digzinn ee qingxqair, bixsen ee dairjir dyrr e huatsingx. Jingrhuar au ee simlingg, jniajyr cingbingg tongtauw, jitt xee qywtew henwcud byy langg u ee jursingr/ qng'ngiaw/ unziuu/ dacsimx/sunqed.
Singwqed ee qngx, in'ui vunxsinx jerje diauqnia horjo, isuaw qyckacc qinw; cniurr siaog ee huew, itdanr ham' og qauhue, honghiongr juanxii. Singwqed huatqngjiaw vunxsinx (siongrder qngx ee kansnuawjiaw) byy cingcyw jiaxee haurqyw. Juewau, iamwhin qngx ee langg jiongbuew e qongqig qngx, siaog ee hing'uii naxjunxx virr qngx kipsiux, pacsngw .kir/ virr vauuii/ virr dionghyy, liauxjin soxu ee lat. Duiww huatqngjiaw laii qongw, jingxqyy quewdingg kyxlingg tongwkow vut'anx, simrjiww ongxongw mia byy .kir, jex byy viauxsi siaog did diyc singwli, dendyww hro senrliongg u lat. Guaw dirr "simlingg derdoo" siaw ee "siaog qra Iasox sangr kiw kir sibzirqer, kiokk hro lanw erdangr dirr hng hng ee soxjai dyrr knuar diyc Ix."
Jit xui ham' siaa qaujenr sxor nii ee lau sinhu qongw ee jit dnxua ue, duiwhur siaog ee hongsid, m na jit jiongw, jenr ngiaa siaog ee hongsid marr u sxor jiongw. Mrqycc jiaxee hongsid longxx jixsi jinliw ee jit vorhun; siaog virr singsimx/ ciongbuanw sniwmiarlat ee simlingg duiwciongx, jiacc si jenr ngiaa siaa ee ui'id qinvunw ji' dy. Itdanr siaog naxcniu mihuex duw diyc hueh/ cimzip luersimx ee cxir, siaog dyrr byy lat kir. Siaa ee dervnuaa qiusog .kir.
Qandna' zinlui ee air erdangr dirliauu siaa; henwcud singsit jinsimx hongwhenr jingsinn, si berdangr kiamr :ee. Muixx jit xui dirliaujiaw diyhh iong'unw jurqiw, jiong' simlingg jyr jenwdniuu, qamquan hisingx hongwhenr, "kipsiux" siaog.
Hongjiw simlingg dui lyc huxvai ee lat dirr dyhh? U langg jiong' siaog ee cir kipsiux/ cak dirr simlai, simx ee liongsen qycc zuhyy siamw quer? Siaog e virr kipsiux, liongsen si m si e virr siaubet neh? Duliauw jit quaw byy zimrhyy iwgi ee qaungua dairqer ixgua, si m si iauxx u qitnax inwtin ee hyw vanrhuad?
Guaw qandna' erdangr qongw, jitt xee sewqair junjai liauw hro hisingjiaw juanxhuar jyr singwlirjiaw sinvir lenrqimsut, iong sinvir ee qakdo laii huedab hno! C.S.Lewis dirr ceh " sraix, ang'ii ham' snxax (The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe)" soxx siaw ee "dng' jniawdid diongsimx/ zedsingg ee hisingjiaw dairter vuervuanrjiaw hisingx sniwmia, singwdyh lec jyr nng vingg , sixsinn vunxsinx ee lat kaisiw tewhuar."
Guaw jaix senrliongg ee langg erdangr jairunw/ sinwdiong/ kik'ir iong'unw jurqiw hro oklangg didjiap qrongx zip laii, dag zip luersimx, hro jurqiw sriu jit diamw aw siongx, kiokk m si siongx qaxx cruir qeqee, hro jurqiw ee simx sriu qanziauw, kiokk be vangvnuaa, simrjiww moxjiongw tingdo, hro siaog nihsiw, iuguann qensiuw byy kuthok/ dyy quer jaieh. Itdanr anne, uxdiu ji' qranx ee vnevang ligliong, jiong' e kiw venwhuar.