cionghunx huathuix ee amwiwsig -6
-- Jung (Bunchhai huan'ik)
DERR LAK JNIUX BINRDUIR AMWIWSIG
guaw diyh'air jinrlat kir liauxqaiw huatsingx liauw sniaw dairjir,
guaw jurqiw ee texgiam ham' zinlui ee texgiam dauwdew u zuarr je kaxhap?
Guaw derr id xee jitbu si tamwqiur guaw jurqiw ee jingsinn cimjnew ...
Ham' Freud vunlo au, jin' dngg jit dnxua siqanx, guaw sitkir honghiongr, simx qruar dirr vnuar kongdingx, itdit cue byy kiardiamw. Siongrr juxiaur :ee si, guaw qamxqag diyhh ixx jit jiongw sinx taiwdo laii binrduir vnerlangg, quatding jiamrsii byy qra zimrhyy lixlun jendee qax dirr inx srinx-siong, si danxtai inx luersimx ee huanxingr, tingwhau jurzenn ee hue'imx. Qetqyw vnerlangg jinjniar jurhuatsingr hiongr guaw vywqyr inx ee bang/ jiongxjiongw huanwsiongw, guaw qandna' mng:
”Liw qamxx huatsingx quer ham' jex iuxquanx ee dairjir?”
”Liw uirhyy anne sniu?”
”Jitt jiongw sniurhuad an' dyhh laii?”
”Liw u snaiw knuawhuad?”
Jitt lui ee bunrdee, anne bang ee qaixsueh ui' vnerlangg jurguan ee huedab/ lensiongw-diongx hingsingg. Guaw piacbenw itcer lixlun, qandna' jo inx jurhuatsingr lixqaiw bang ee iwsiong.
Byy zuarr quw, guaw bingvik, jitt jiongw hongsid si qaixsueh bang ee jingwkag qicow, jex si bang sniu beh drat qaur ee bogdig, bang dyrr si sursit, lanw rair ui' jiax cuthuad. Jitt xee honghuad sanxsingx liauw qokk jiongw janbin bunrdee, viaujunw venr qaxx vikced --- rair u mow xee siongrr guansiw ee cuthuatdiamw.
Dairiog dirr jitt xee sihau, guaw texgiam diyc jin' digvet ee jongrtair, jin' cingcyw hueqor liauw qaur bogjingg uijiw guaw soxx qniaa .quer ee lo. Simlai sniu, “jitmaw liw ixqingx vaxag diyc packuix sinuerhak duarmngg ee syxsii ar, ersaih juriuu packuix amwiwsig jingsinn ee soxu duarmngg.” mrqyxx lingrgua jit xee ser sniax qongw “jnuaxngiu beh qra soxu ee mngg longxx packuix neh?” anne, guaw cruw diyc sniaw singjiu ee bunrdee sui' puu .cud .laii/ qaixsueh liauw jiongxjiongw sinue, siaw cud jit vunw quanhe inghiongg/ langg jongxsi sing'uac dirr sinue-diongx ee ceh. Mrqyxx dnaxx langg sing'uac dirr sniaxngiu ee sinue-diongx neh?
Dap'anr kyxlingg si qidokqaur sinue.
“Liw qamxx marr sing'uac dirr qidiongx?” mng guaw jurqiw.
"Lauxsit qongw, m si, guaw m si ixx sniaw laii sing'uac ee."
“Anne, lanw byy qycc u zimrhyy sinue?”
“Diryc! lanw henxzenn byy qycc u zimrhyy sinue.”
“Mrqycc liw ee sinue --- liw sing'uac dirr qidiongx ee sinue si sniaw?”
Dirr jitt diamw, guaw jurqiw ee duiwue venr qaxx jin' byy songxkuair, byy qycc sniu .lyc .kir. Guaw ixqingx qniaa zip sixhangrlo.
Iokk 1912 nii ee singwdanwjed, guaw jyr liauw jit xee bang:
Bang-diongx, jit jxy sniavyw ee lautah dingw, guaw srinx dirr bixle huwquir Irdairli(Italy)-sid ee liangdingg jauxlongg, be jiyw tiau-aw, dervanw si dairlixjiyc, lanqanx marr si. Guaw jre jit liauu qimx iw, si bungerhoghingx siqii :ee, jingg u jit der dyh, suiw qaxx jin' hanxdid knuar .quer, dyh-bin si ligsig jiyhtauu jyr ee, cniurr vyxjiyc hiacc suiw ee jiyhtauu. Guaw jre dirr hiax, hiongr guarbin knuar duiww hng ~ ee soxjai, ginxaw marr jre dirr dyh-vnix.
Hionghiongg, jit jiah vehjiauw (haixjiauw iacc si hunxjiauw) vuex .laii, juser iugnaw, ban ~ pag dirr dyh-bin hiyckunr, gauw qra ginxaw viauxsi jre lehh m hyw dinxdang, m tangx qra jiauw-aw hnaxjauw .kir. Jit bak nih, jiauw-aw venwjyr jit xee siyw qoniuu, iokk lak huer, qimsig taumox, ham' ginxaw jywhuew likuix, dirr jauxlongg sngw.
Guaw hamrzip dimsux, jurqiw duxx texgiam diyc :ee, si sniaw? Jit quw aw siyw qoniuu dngw .laii, iong siangciuw unziuu py diyc guaw ee amrqunw, tudzenn siausid, venr dngw laii hunxjiauw, iong langg ee sniax ban ban qongw “jixu amwsii jingg quiw diamxjingx guaw jiacc erdangr venwjyr langg, in'ui qangx :ee jitt sii byingg draii siw .kir ee jap-zi xee langg.” qongw suah, dyrr vuex hiongr nraa nraa ee tnix .kir. Jitt sii guaw jingsinn.
Guaw jin' qigdong, jit jiah qangx ee hunxjiauw ham' jap-zi xee sixlangg u sniaw quanhe? Lensiongw diyc ligsig vyxjiyc ee dyh-aw, Tabula Samaragdina ee qowsu tudzenn puu .cud .laii, sniu kiw lenrqimsut tuansuad Hermes Trismegistos hitt der ligsig vyxjiyc jyr ee dyh-aw, tniax qongw, ix siw au lauu lyc laii jit der dyh, lenrqimsut ee qivunw diaubunn iong Hellene bunn kig dirr dingxbin.
Qycc sniu diyc jap-zi xee bundoo, jit nii ee jap-zi qywguec, jap-zi cnisiur ... cue be cud jitt xee bxi , jixhyw hongwkir. Guaw kingxding :ee si, jitt xee bang viauxbingg amwiwsig huisiongg uahtiaur, mrqycc cue be cud tamwqiur jitt jiongw luersimx quewdingg ee qisut, qandna' danw qycc danw, jiauww ixongw qangrngiu sing'uac, vingrr bidced juwir qokk jiongw huanwsiongw.
U jit xee huanwsiongw itjairr dinghok, moxjiongw mic siw .kir/ dongsii qycc si uac :ee, vixzuu, sitew danr zip kir hunhuawloo, kiokk huathen langg byy siw, si uac :ee, jiaxee huanwsiongw jinwzip taukag-lai, dongsii juanxjyr bang ee hingsid.
Guaw uaw dirr Alps snuaqunn ee Alyscamps derkux, u jit diauu dairlixjiyc jiyhquanx kixjy ee hangrlo, jiaxee jiyhquanx erdangr duiziog qaur Merovingian ongdiauu sidai. Bang-diongx guaw ui' sniaa-lai cud laii, knuar diyc taujingg u jit diauu dng ~ qui' vaii bong jorsingg ee hangrlo, ham' hitt diauu jiyhquanx :ee luirsu. Jiaxee bong u jit xee jiyhvanw ee daii, sixlangg dyrr dyw dirr jitt xee daii-dingw, jex hro guaw sniu kiw qauwdngg nirr qoxlyw ee bongrhet, cing jenwqah ee buxsu kax ciuw cunkuix dyw dirr hiax. Dirr guaw bang-diongx sixjiaw longxx si anne dyw lehh, cing qoxjaw hogjongx, siangciuw dne ann, byy qang ee si inx m si jiyhtauu cak cud laii ee, si moxjiongw qiquair ee hongsid venwjniaa imwsix. Guaw jit diamw aw byy dinxdang kia dirr derr id xee bong jingg/ knuar hitt xui sixjiaw/ jit xee jap-qauw sewqiw snax-jap nidai ee langg/ jin' cuwbi knuar ix cing ee snxax sii/ hionghiongg ix dinxdang .kiw .laii/ huehok sniwmia/ siangciuw vangwkuix/ qandna' si guaw knuar ix ee enqor. Guaw qamxqag jin' byy songxkuair, qniaa kuix laii qaur lingrgua jit xee sixtew vnix, jitt xee si sriok jap-veh sewqiw. Qangrkuanw ee dairjir qycc huatsingx. Sun qui' vaii ee sixtew qniaa .lyc .kir, itdit qniaa qaur jap-zi sewqiw ee sixtew, jit xee cing ticlenrqah ee sibzirqunx, ix siangciuw dne ann ~ dyw dirr hiax, ix ee hingtew naxcniu si caa kig :ee; jin' dngg jit dnxua siqanx, guaw knuar ix, simlai sniu ix kaksit siw .kir .ar, hionghiongg, guaw knuar diyc ix ee jit qix jngxtau'aw kaisiw kinx kinx dinxdang kiw laii.
"ZIBMNGLEW" EE QENWDIOK IUHIR
Dongzenn, guaw dongcox si janwdongg Freud ee knuawhuad, zinruii qoxdai qinggiam ee jiongxjiongw kaziah si junjai dirr amwiwsig nirr. Mrqyxx jitt xee bang/ guaw duiww amwiwsig ee sidjer texqiam kiokk qauwdy guaw anne ee lueriongg, m si quewsii ee hingsid, si sriok sniwmia vunxjid/ genxqiur jingwsit liauw jitt xee qaxsed, zid'au, guaw qinqir jex huatdenw cud iuxquanx qokk jiongw guanhingg ee lixlun.
Mrqyxx jiaxee bang byy hxuad jo guaw kikhok sitkir honghiongr ee qamxqag, guaw dendyww cniurr sing'uac dirr ingxuanw snewmia ee luerjai aplik-ha. Jitt jiongw qamxqag u sii venr qaxx jin' qionglet, vutditvud huaigii jurqiw si m si u moxjiongw jingsinn jongwgai, incuw, u nng vaiw qiwlok, guaw jinrlik ciaucue/ jingliw jurqiw itsingx soxu ee sewjed, vingrr digvet juwir haidongg sidai ee qiwdii/ qamxqag guaw ee quewkir kyxlingg u moxjiongw jurqiw knuar byy kiokk jyrsingg jingsinn jongwgai ee mic. Jitt jiongw hueqor duliauw dingsinx singzin jurqiw ee budix ixgua, vingrr byy cuarcud zimrhyy qetqyw. Jitt sii, guaw duiww jurqiw qongw ”qiwzenn guaw sniaw longxx m bad, anne dyrr jyr simdiongx sniu .diyc ee dairjir.” / u iwsig hro jurqiw hogjiongg amwiwsig ee jiongxjiongw ciongdong.
Derr id hxang puu .cud .ee, si guaw jap ~ jap-id huer ee donglenn qiwig. Hitt sii, jin' air sngw tiap caqag, iuguann jin' cingcyw jurqiw zuhyy iong caqag kiw cur/ sniavyw, iong quanr-aw qewjyr mngg/ uanqiongx cuwdingw. Aurlaii, iong itvnuax jiyhtauu laii tewdai/ lorqomuaii dairter tojniux, jin' dngg jit dnxua siqanx, jimwdimm dirr jiaxee qenwdiogbut. Hro guaw qniax jit dyy ee si, jiaxee huesiongw dongsii rig .kiw .laii .ee, qycc u jerje jingqamw. “awha! “ guaw duiww jurqiw qongw, “jiaxee mic u snewmiarlat neh! Guaw jin' kiamr qik u congwjyrlat ee snewmia, li guaw byy zuarr hng hitt xee ginxaw, ham' guaw qangg byy congwjyrlat. Beh jnuaxngiu jiacc erdangr tonghiongr congwjyrlat ee lo neh?” guaw byy kyxlingg jitmaw jit xee duarlangg ham' jap-id huer ginxaw cax jiacc dngg qirli ji' qranx, kixjy jit jxy qiyy/ sniu beh ham' hitt xee siqii dingsinx lenqed/ byy vadd jiongw suanxdik, qandna' qycc dngw kir hitt sii, quer ginxaw ee sing'uac, sngw hitt sii ee cittymic. Jitt kig si guaw miarun ee juanxnguardiamw, qingquer busor joxlat, jiongbuew guaw niurvo, bingvik jurqiw duliauw ginxaxsngw ixgua byy vadd jiongw :ee, sidjai jin' qenwsiaur.
M quanw anxjnuaw, iauxx si siujip sik'iong ee jiyhtauu, u quaw si ui' oo-vnix kiyh :ee/ u quaw si ui' oo nirr hroo :ee, kaisiw kixjy vedjongx/ sniavyw/ jngsia ... dogdok byy qauwdngg, qycc kiw jit xee dnghingg ee qenwdiogbut/ dingxtauu u jit xee lak-qag hxingg ee qow/ ngihingg ee cuwdingw/ qauwdngg rair u jit xee jewdnuaa, cud ciuw beh jyr ee sii, kiokk u damrvyc diuduu.
Dng' decc sniu beh anxjnuaw jiacc erdangr uansingg jitt xee zimrbu sii, u jit zit, guaw cniurr vingsii en' oo-vnix sanwvo/ kiyh jiyhtauu, tudzenn knuar diyc jit der angsig juijiamx ee siwqakjiyc, quann iokk jit ingcunr vnuar, si jit der jiyhtauu ee cuiwpnir, ojuiw ee ciongsew, virr buajyr guaw knuar diyc jitt xee ngiu --- jit qnia duansunn sriok gnoxzenn ee mic. Jid'err knuar bagjiux qngx .kiw .laii, jex dyrr si jewdnuaa! qra he dirr ngicuwdingw erkax jniar dionghngx ee xui, anne jyr sii, guaw qycc huesiongw diyc donglenn sii, bang-diongx qnir diyc derharsig ee hitt xee singwkiwquanx, jitt xee lensiongw hro guaw sanxsingx tiongwtauu.
Dagg zit jiac quer diongdauwvng, jixiaur tnikir byy gai .diyc, dyrr qewsiok sngw guaw ee qenwdiok, itdit qaur vnerlangg laii, narr si qangjog kacc jaw qetsog, marr e suar lyc sngw. jitt qiqanx, susiongw venr qaxx jin' cingcyw, qingwzenn erdangr vaxag huehuex cuthen dirr taukag-lai jiongxjiongw huanwsiongw ee ham'ir.
Jurzenn sniu diyc jurqiw jyr dairjir ee iwgi, mng qaqi “ qongw sit :ee, liw jitmaw dauwdew jyr sniaw? Jy jit xee siyw dinr, naxjunxx decc qixhingg jewlew lehh!” guaw byy huedab jitt xee bunrdee, luersimx kaksit siongsinr, guaw dngdecc huathen jurqiw sinue ee lo-diongx; jitt xee qenwdiok iuhir jixsirr kixtauu, tauxvangr cud jit herlet ee huanwsiongw, aurlaii juanvo siongser qir .lyc .laii.
Jitt jann dairjir duiww guaw laii qongw, si jin' itdir :ee, dirr guaw au vnuawsiwlangg ee sing'uac diongx, dagg vaiw duw diyc jit dow dongr lo ee viah sii, dyrr e rue jit dniux doo/ kig jiyhtauu. Anne ee texgiam, duiww jin' pnaiw cimzip ee qokk jiongw sniurhuad/ qangjog sii, si jit jiongw “zibmnglew (Rite d' Entree)”. Qinnii (1952)/ qurnii soxx siaw ee mic, cniurr “birhuathen ee jurtew (The Undisovered Self)” “huidiap: jit xee henrdai ee sinue (Flying Saucers: A modern Myth)” “ui' simlixhak knuar liongdix (A Psychological View of Conscience)” ... dringw, longxx si kanciuw quewsinx (1955/11/27) au, guaw soxx kig jiyhdiaux soxx duar laii ee lingqamw. Kanciuw ee quewsinx/ sixbongg soxx duar laii, guaw ee texgiam, gionglet qra guaw/ jursinx hunkuix. Guaw cud dua kuiwlat jiacc dingsinx kia jai, ham' jiyhtauu ee jicjiab duiww guaw jin' dua vangjan.
1913 nii ciutnix, guaw qamxqag qui' sinkux ee aplik jiamrr suaw .cud .kir, kongkir-diongx naxjunxx u sniaw mic, jiuuii ee kiwhunx viw guanlaii kacc dimm, jitt jiongw apvig byy qycc laijurr jingsinn, cniurr kurtew ee henrsit, qycc zuxx laii zuxx qiongg.
Jap-geuc sii, guaw qolangg luxiuu-diongx, tudzenn virr byy hxuad dexkongr ee huanwsiong dinwab: knuar diyc jit dniuu duarjuiw imkamr jingxqyy Vakhaiw/ Alps snuaqunn jiqanx ee vakvo/ derser kacc qe ee toxde. Dng' duarjuiw rimx qaur Suirsu (Swiss) sii, guaw knuar diyc qunsnuax zuxx laii zuxx quann, uirr beh vyxho qoktow. Guaw iwsig .diyc, jit dniuu kyxpnar ee dua jailan beh laii ar. Muaw tnix ngsig dua ingw, puu dirr juixbin ee bunbingg cuiwpnir/ virr rimx .siw ee cingban sitew, haixngiuu venwjniaa itpenr huecjuiw. Jitt xee huanwsiong qewsiok iokk jit diamxjingx, guaw qamxqag gignaiw/ beh tror, marr uirr jurqiw bulingg qenwsiaur.
Nng lexvair quer .kir, qangrkuanw ee huanwsiong qycc jaiww cuthen, qingxsiong viw jenvaiw qyckacc uahtiaur, haiw-hueh qyckacc cagbak, simlai ee sniax decc qongw “siongser knuar, jex si jinsit :ee, u jit zit e sidhen, liw benw huaigii.” hitt nii dangtnix, u langg qongw diyc jionglaii sewqair jingwdi qiogser ee knuawhuad. Guaw rinr, m bad sniu quer jitt hxang su, sursit-siong, guaw ixqingx knuar diyc sitew naxx snuax/ qui' kelauu ee huecjuiw.
Mng jurqiw, jiaxee huanwsiong si m si viauxsi qikbing beh voghuad? Jitt jiongw dairjir guaw byy hxuad siongxsiong, jixhyw jywcud qetlun, jex ham' guaw vunxlangg byy quanhe, jixsirr kakzin guaw dng' binrduir jingsinvne ee uihiap, jit sud aw dy' byy sniu diyc jenwjingx.
Byy zuarr quw, 1914 nii ee cunquir/ hartnix sii, siy' lensuar snax vaiw jyr qangrkuanw ee bang:
Dng' zuac ee sii, vakqik jit qrow oqnuaa saur .quer .laii, siwqer longxx qed vingx, jingxqyy Lorraine derkux/ unrhyy longxx si vingx, langg dyjauw duiww penpiah ee soxjai kir, dang sxngx qra soxu ligsig cauxbok juann dangr .siw.
Lak-guec sii, derr snax ee bang (jingg nng xee hunvet si sir-guec/ go-guec), qnialangg ee qnuadangr jaiww crur ui' tnix qangr .lyc .laii, byy qang ee si jitt vaiw iwgua u qetqiok, qnualingw kongkir-diongx cuthen jit jangg qandna' u ciurhiyc/ be qetjiw ee ciu (guaw sniu, si guaw snewmiarciu), in'ui sxngx ee jok'iong, hiyc-aw venwjyr u dirliauu ingwhau ee putyy, guaw banw jit qnrua, sangr hro vnix:a jit dua qrunn danw beh air ee langg.
1914 nii, ced-guec drew, Ingqog ihak hiabhue (British Medical Association) iaucniaw guaw dirr Aberdeen qixhingg hagsut dairhue jyr vywqyr, debak si “amwiwsig dirr jingsinn vnerlixhak ee diongriauwsingr (On the Important of the Unconsciongs in Psychopathology)”. Guaw simliw junxvi e cud dairjir ee kyxlingg, in'ui huanwsiong/ bang longxx si singx irqyr ar. Miardiongx juwdnia guaw diyh'air dirr simlingg jongrtair/ jiongxjiongw qniahniaa, jit lo duer diyc qinxqib jinghongw-ha, jiurr amwiwsig ee diongriauwsingr jyr vyxqyr!
Veh-guec ce'id jitt zit, sewqair dairjenr voghuad. Guaw ee jikzim jin' bingkag, guaw diyh'air jinrlat kir liauxqaiw huatsingx liauw sniaw su/ guaw jurqiw ee texgiam/ zinlui ee texgiam dauwdew u sniaw tingdo ee kaxhap. Incuw, derr id xee bersaih tuisag ee jikzim si tamwqiur guaw jurqiw jingsinn cimjnew, guaw qra qenwdiok iuhir qiqanx cuthen dirr taukag-diongx ee jiongxjiongw huanwsiongw siaw .lyc .laii, jex si tamwqiur ee kaisiw. Jitt xee qangjog ee diongriauwsingr ciauuat qitnax soxu :ee.
GUAW JIN' PONGWHONGX SIAW LYC GUAW EE HUANWSIONGW
Qokk jiongw huanwsiongw itdit byy tingg rig .laii, guaw vniawmia vyxcii lingxjing, jauxcue lixqaiw jiaxee qiquair dairjir ee honghuad/ binrduir jit xee byy qang qog ee sewqair, jit diamw vanrhuad dy' byy, itcer jin' lann lixqaiw. Itdit sing'uac dirr jin' qinxdniux jongrtair, ciangjai qamxqag jin' dua liap ee jiyhtauu hiongr guaw vuex .laii, luiqongx sicnar vutduan. Guaw diyh'air u dua kuiwlat jiacc dongr e diauu jiaxee vyrhongho, u quaw langg virr hnaxdyw --- Nietzsche/ Holderlin ixqibb qitnax ee langg. Guaw srinx-siong u okmoo hitt ngiu ee lat, incuw, jit kaisiw dyrr siongsinr jurqiw itding e huathen dirr jiaxee huanwsiongw-diongx soxx texgiam .diyc ee iwg/ singsiu amwiwsig ee qionglet ciongqig sii, qyckacc siongsinr, jurqiw dngdecc hogjiongg jit jiongw kacc quann ee iwjir/ jex itdit jicii .guaw, itdit qaur guaw jiangxag jingser.
Simhuann-iwluan sii, ciangjai jyr Yoga laii kongwjer jurqiw ee jingqamw/ bogdig si beh jaix simx-diongx huatsingx dairjir ee iwgi, incuw, Yoga qandna' len qaur hro jurqiw u huatdo vingjing lyc laii, huehok guaw duiww amwiwsig ee tamwtyw tingdo sii --- itdanr guaw qamxqag huedngw laii jurqiw sii, dyrr hongwkir jingqamw ee sokvak, hro qokk jiongw iwsiong/ luersimx ee sniax qongxue. Inwdorlangg len Yoga si uirr beh be qir .did dairliong ee jingsinn lueriongg/ jiongxjiongw iwsiong, ham' guaw si dendywvingw :ee.
Itdanr qra qamxjingg vnewjniaa iwsiong, iarr dyrr si huathen amwcangr dirr jiaxee jingqamw-diongx ee iwsiong au, guaw dyrr simvingg-kiwhyy ar. Narr si hro jiaxee iwsiong cangr dirr qamxjingg-diongx byy virr huathen, guaw jin' kyxlingg virr tiah cruir, qandna' u jit vaiw qihue, erdangr singqongx qra inx jit xee jit xee hunli cud laii; mrqyxx anne, guaw jiong' venwjniaa jingsinn quanlingjingr, uirr inx soxx huixbet. Ui' guaw ee sidgiam, dirliauu ee quandiamw laii knuar, cue diyc amwbih ee jingqamw vuerau ee digding iwsiong si qik u vangjan :ee.
Jinrliong qra jiongxjiongw huanwsiongw siaw .lyc .laii, zinrjinx hunsig inx sanxsingx ee jingsinn diauqnia, mrqyxx guaw qandna' erdangr tauwquer gongrvun ee gixgenn. Kixcox, uirr beh ham' guanhingg ee hongqeh siy' duiwingr, ixx “pongwdua ee gixgenn” laii biyue guaw quancad .diyc ee dairjir/ in'ui guanhingg si iong simx siujingw .quer, simrjiww si diauqangx qig jit xee kuixkauw ee qewser laii qongxue. Jitt jiongw hongqeh hro guaw qamxqag dongr be diauu, ciwqig guaw ee sinqingx, dyrr cniurr u langg iong jingxqah kaux viah, ui' dingxtauu kaux .lyc .laii qaur erkax, iacc si dirr jiyhvanw-dingw buaa dyx hitt ngiu. Guaw qiwzenn m jaix dngdecc huatsingx ee dairjir, duliauw iong amwiwsig soxx suanxding ee hongqeh siaw lyc laii itcer, byy vadd jiongw honghuad. U sii, guaw naxx si iong jurqiw ee hni tniax ix qongw/ u sii qycc si iong cuir laii qamxqag, naxjunxx jic dngdecc venjy zri; u sii tniax jurqiw dua sniax qiqix-qurqu. Dirr iwsig ee hording-ha, itcer ham' sniwmia qunw ciangg ciangg.
Jit kaisiw, guaw dyrr jurguan binrduir amwiwsig setsiongw jyr jit jiongw kyhak sidgiam, jit xee ui' guaw jurqiw jinwhingg, duiww qetqyw qik u cuwbi ee sidgiam. Qin'axzit guaw qangrkuanw jin' ansimx/ u lixdir qongw, jex si dirr guaw srinx-siong jinwhingg ee sidgiam. Siongrr dua ee kunwlann ji' id si duiwhur caixcuw hiyxding taiwdo ee jingqamw, guaw hitt sii dng' jurguan hro jurqiw hogjiongg byy hxuad janwdongg ee qamxjingg, dongsii soxx siaw lyc laii ee huanwsiongw, qamxqag longxx si ovec qongw, qionglet ee huanxqamw; jixiaur lanw byy hxuad bingvik iwgi dirr dyhh, anne ee huanwsiongw dyrr si qysiongw/ uixdai qnaa diyc qoxquair/ siaog ee hunwhap/ guaw iong jin' dua kuiwlat jiacc erdangr zimxsiu, kiokk diyh'air binrduir miarun ee tiaujenr/ vniawmia qycc noxlik, jin' byy qanxdanx ui' beqiongx qniaa cud laii.
Uirr beh vaxag amwdiongx dirr guaw srinx-siong uahtiaur ee hiaxee huanwsiongw, jaix diyh'air hro jurqiw cimzip qidiongx. Duiww jex, guaw m na huanxqamw, iauxx binghenw qniahniaa, damsimx sitkir duiww jurqiw ee kongwjer, venwjniaa huanwsiongw ee hisingpinw --- jyr jit xee jingsinn isux, jex iwbi sniaw, si siongrr cingcyw :ee. Mrqyxx dngqii ee diuduu, bingvik jurqiw byy derr zi jiongw suanxdik. Guaw rair morhiamw, sethuad cruw diyc kongwjer ee kuanlik; narr m si anne jyr, dyrr morhiamw virr saixlang; qnaw anne morhiamw u lat ee dongrqix si: guaw jurqiw m qnaw jyr, beh anxjnuaw hibang vnerlangg jyr. Qandna' ixx jo langg ee taiwdo kia dirr vnerlangg hitt vingg ee jiawkauw, si be quer quanx :ee; jitt xee jo langg --- guaw jurqiw --- si byy hxuad vangjan inx ee, duhuix qinqir jurqiw didjiab texgiam, zinrbad huanwsiongw ee jailiau; guaw jin' cingcyw, jitt xee jo langg :ee soxx iongxiuw ee itcer vutqyr si suxx langg huaigii ee lixlun penqenr/ m na uirr jurqiw, marr uirr vnerlangg singdamx huihiamw surgiap ee sniurhuad --- jo guaw dorquer quixarr xee guiqix qaidnua.
1913 nii qidog qangwlimjed (jabzi-guec jap-zi), guaw quatding caixcuw quanqenr vorsor. Dng' guaw jre dirr dyh-vnix, l.-laihuee-h. sukyw jurqiw ee qniahniaa, zenau, guaw hro jurqiw ui' iw-aw qut .lyc .laii, hionghiongg derbin dirr guaw ee kax hiax naxjunxx jinjniar lehkuix, guaw lag .zip .kir oamr ee cimknex, qamxqag kiongxhongg, qycc laii, kax dac diyc jit dxuix nngw qyy ~, liamm ~ ee mic, guanlaii dong byy qaiww cimx. Suibongw siwjiuuii itpenr oamr, guaw kiokk dua dua cuanw jit kauxkuir. Quer jit quw aw, bagjiux ban ~ sibquanr zidtauu jiamrr lyc snuax ee oamr. Taujingg jit xee o mawmar ee dongrkauw, jit xee exlangg kia dirr hiax, puehux cniurr imwsix hitt ngiu dax ee puee. Guaw ui' vnix:a keh .quer .kir, qniaa quer ec bih bih ee dongrkauw, jinwzip dong-lai, lriauu quer byy qaur katau'ux hiacc quann ee vingjuiw, laii qaur jit der jiyhgiamm-dingw tongw cud ee lingrgua jit xee dongrkauw, dirr jiax, guaw knuar diyc jit der siamxsih huatqngx ee angsig juixjnix/ siangciuw qra jitt der jiyhtauu suaw kuix, huathen jiyhtauu xe u jit xee kanghet. Kixcox, guaw sniaw marr hunx be cringx, quer jit xe aw, jiacc knuar diyc lairbin u juiw decc lrauu. Jit ku sixtew lrauu .quer .kir, si siauwlenn :ee, qimsig taumox, tauu-dingw u jit xee siongkauw. Duer sixtew aurbin laii ee, si jit jiah huisiongg dua jiah ee osig ticqacqux, qycc laii si ui' cimjuiw puu .kiw .laii, tauwjaw angsig zidtauu/ guaw ee bagjiux hro zidtauu ciy qaxx enng .kir/ sniu beh qra jiyhtauu he dngw kir dongrkauw/ jitt sii, jit qrow juiw punr .kiw .laii, si huecjuiw, guaw sniu beh tror, didqag zinrding jitt qrow huecjuiw naxjunxx beh qewsiok punr, siqanx e dngg qaxx hro langg zimxsiu be diauu. Juewau, juiw tingg lyc laii, huanwsiong marr qaur jiax uijiw.
Guaw virr hnaw qaxx be qongxue/ dongzenn jaix jex si iuxquanx inghiongg ham' zidtauu ee sinue, jit cud sixbongg qycc uac .kiw .laii ee hiwqiok, hitt jiah Egypt ticqacqux siongrdingx qycc uac. Dirr qetsog sii, qycc jriab laii ee ingwqaix si dairviauw sinx jit zit ee tauwjaw, kiokk punr cud laii hro langg berdangr zimxsiu ee huecjuiw --- dirr gauw knuar .laii, jex uanjuann byy jingwsiongg. Mrqyxx huesiongw diyc qang nii ee ciuquir, hitt xee haiw-hueh ee huanwsiong, dyrr hongwkir kir lixqaiw.
Lak zit au, (1913/12/18), guaw jyr liauw jit xee bang:
Guaw ham' jit xee jangsig puehux, m jaix dyc'ui ee gauu langg, dirr jit xee langg jin' hanxdid qaur, hongqingw iubiw ee jiyhtausnuax-dingw. Jitt sii, dangvingg jiyr cud vec qngx, cnisinn jiamrr amwbih. Jitt sii, guaw tniax diyc Siegfried ee hyrdangg sniax huehiongw dirr qunsnuax-diongx, guaw jaix gunw diyh'air qra ix taii siw jiacc ersaih tihh. gunw qiac dngcingr, maihok dirr jit diauu ehbih ee jiyhgiamm siyw lo, danw ix laii.
Byy zuarr quw, Siegfried cuthen dirr quann ~ ee snuax dingw, jaiw sii zidtauu qra ix jiyr qaxx qui' sinkux longxx si qimsig qngngiaw. Ix sraiw jit daii iong sixlangg qud jewjy ee jenwciax, naxx vuex lecc sraiw .quer cuqia ee snuapyx. Dirr ix beh dngxuanx ee sii, gunw qra kuix cingr, ix diyc cingr, dyw .lyc .kir, siw .kir .ar.
Huixbet jiacc uixdai/ bixle ee jit hxang su, hro guaw simtauu ciongbuanw iamwhun/ hiyrhuew, guaw qniax langg huathen, jauw jin' qinw, qnuaw ~ likuix. Jitt sii, tudzenn lyc jit dniuu dua ho, horjuiw ciongdiau soxu ee kaziah, guaw qisit ixqingx tuatdyy virr huathen ee huihiamw, sing'uac erdangr huehok jingwsiongg ar, mrqyxx juerokqamw qnuaw be jauw.
Cingcnew au, simtauu itdit sniu jit xee bang, jongxsi byy bingvik sniaw iwsur, sniu beh qycc kunr, luersimx jit xee sniax “liw itding rair bingliauw jitt xee bang, jitt sii diyh'air jaix!” luersimx ee duiziog zuxx laii zuxx qinw, kyxpnar ee sikig laii ar! Guaw tniax diyc jitt xee sniax “naxx si byy hxuad bingvik, liw rair kuix cingr dnuaa siw qaqi!” tuah-aw drew duxhyw he jit qix cingwjiw ixqingx zip hyxser ee dexcingr. Guaw kaksit virr hnaw qniax .diyc! Jaiww crur cimsniu, hutzenn gno .diyc, “ hem! Jex qamxx m si duxhyw bogjingg sewqair ee bunrdee?” guaw sniu, Siegfried dairviauw :ee, si Dikqoklangg soxx hibang :ee, si iongxbingw qra jurqiw ee iwjir qiongqax hro langg, byy sriu kusog qaqi jyr qaqi driyc. Mrqyxx jitmaw ixqingx byy kyxlingg. Jitt xee bang viauxsi, Sieggried jitt xui inghiongg soxx dairviauw ee taiwdo byy qycc sikhap guaw ar, incuw rair virr siaubet.
Jitt qnia su au, guaw qamxsiu diyc jit qrow byy lat dexkongr ee linbinw, naxx guaw vunxlangg virr cingwsad: jex si guaw amwdiongx qra jurqiw naxx Siegfried ee henrsiong, virr vig hisingx lixsiongw/ jurqag taiwdo soxx qamxqag .diyc ee visiongx. Jitt jiongw qang singwjid/ inghiongsid ee lixsiongxjuxgi rair hongwkir, in'ui iauxx u viw jurgnow iwguan kacc qysiongw uixdai ee surbut, binrduir jiaxee, jit xee langg diyh'air ngawtauu viauxsi hogjiongg.
Jiaxee sniurhuad u cionghunx ee lixiuu, guaw ansimx kunr .kir.
Hitt xui jangsig puehux ew ~ ee gaulangg, itdit pnuarduer guaw, sidjer-siong ix qycc tegi taii langg, ix dyrr si hitt xee guansiw-ngiaw ee texhen. Hitt dniuu ho viauxsi, iwsig/ amwiwsig jiqanx ee qinxdniux quanhe ixqingx huawqaiw. Dongsii duliauw jitt quiw diamw amwsi, guaw byy hxuad bingvik kacc je ee ham'ir, mrqyxx guaw srinx-siong jiongxjiongw sinx lat kiokk erdangr qaixhongr .cud .laii, jo guaw qewsiok amwiwsig ee sidgiam, itdit qaur did diyc qetlun.
GUAE EE JONGQAUR DYRSUX --- PHILEMON
Uirr beh vaxag jit xee huanwsiongw, guaw ciangjai siongxsiong jurqiw qniaa dirr lyc qia lo-dingw, sniu beh henxlo cud jinsingr, vixzuu, derr id vaiw tamr qaur iokk jit- cingx ingciyh ee cimdo; derr zi vaiw kiokk huathen jurqiw dirr jit xee byy drew cimkne ee vnix :a, cniurr jit diauu tonghiongr guehqiuu/ iacc dac zip jit xee byy zimrhyy mic ee kongqanx ee lo. Siongrr jaw cuthen ee iwsiong si jit xee dua huexsnuax-kauw, qamxqag jurqiw dirr sixlangg ee qoktow, si lingrgua jit xee sewqair ee kiwhunx/ uaxqin jit der jiyhgiamm ee kiarpy soxjai, knuar diyc nng xee langg, jit xee si vec hociux laurlangg, lingrgua jit xee si bixle ee siauwlenn qoniuu. Inx knuar .kiw .laii si uac :ee, guaw qoxbuw jurqiw tecud iongxkir qniaa uaxqin inx, juwsinn tniax inx duiww guaw qongxue. Hitt xee laurlangg qongw ix si Elijah (Hebrew singdix), guaw qniax jit diyy, qoniuu simrjiww jurcingx si Salome, jit xee cnemee :ee! zuarr qiquair ee jit duir angbow : Salome/ Elijah. Elijah qycc qra guaw vyxjingr, ix ham' Salome ui' kaix tende ixlaii itdit qaur ingxuanw dyrr si hucex ar! Guaw jinjniar virr inx hnaw qniax .diyc ... ham' inx jywhuew sing'uac :ee si jit jiah osig juaa, jin' qac'ir guaw ee hxingg. Guaw itdit uaw duiww Elijah ee srinx-vnix, ix naxjunxx si jitt snax xee siongrr qongw dyrliw, taukag kacc cingcyw :ee, duiww Salome jungii. Elijah ham' guaw qongw jin' quw, mrqyxx guaw uanjuann tniax byy ix decc qongw sniaw.
Jin' jurzenn, guaw jinrlik uirr cuthen dirr huanwsiongw-diongx nng xee “singwqingx” nirr ee zinbut jauxcue habliw ee qaixsueh : tecnew jurqiw, vaxvah si jit xee bogsux. Vutqyr jex qinvunw m si sniaw qaixsueh, hitt xee laurlangg dauwdew dairviauw sniaw? Je nii au, guaw viw hitt sii bad kacc je ar, laurlangg/ siauwlenn qoniuu jiqanx ee kanlenn dirr guaw knuar laii jiacc si jurzenn.
Anne ee bangrqingw, ciangjai duw .diyc, jit xee siauwlenn qoniuu vuepnua laurlangg, jitt jiongw angbow ee le dirr jerje sinue qowsu longxx cue e diyc. Incuw, jiauww Gnostic qauwpair ee tuantongw, Simon Magus (qoxjaw huatsux) dyrr e cua jit xee dirr amwqing'aw sigsai ee siauwlenn qoniuu --- Helen, siwqer jauw, jitt xui qoniuu virr knuawjyr Trojan Helen ee huawsinx. Klingaor qapp Kundry/ Lao-tzu ham' buxluw longxx sriok jitt lui.
Dirr guaw ee huanwsiongw-diongx, duliauw Elijah/ Salome ixgua, iauxx u jit xee dersnajiaw, osig dua juaa. Dirr sinue-diongx, juaa ongxongw si inghiongg ee duiwdingxjiaw, busor ee qowsu longxx qongw .diyc inx ee luirsursingr, vixzuu inghiongg kuriuw juaa hitt ngiu ee bagjiux/ inghiongg siw au, venwjniaa jit jiah juaa, langg ~ qingwpuer/ iacc si juaa dyrr si inghiongg ee maxmah ... dringw. Incuw, dirr guaw ee huanwsiongw-diongx, juaa ee cuthen viauxsi jex si jit xee inghiongg sinue.
Salome si Anima ee hingsiong, cnemee si ix byy bingvik dairjir ee ham'ir. Elijah siongrdingx congbingg ee lau-sendix, dairviauw lixdir/ diwsig; Salome si jing'iok, jitt nng xee hingsiong erdangr qongw si Logoa (Hellene bunn/ dirhui ) ham' Eros (Hellene sinue ee aiwsinn) ee texhen, mrqyxx jitt xee dingrgi sniu' lixsingr. Narr jiamrsii hro jitt nng xee hingsiong mair qra vunxir sag kacc kuacbin, jixsirr surqnia/ qinggiam, guaw zinruii ham'ir dendyww kacc honghur.
Jitt xee huanwsiongw cuthen byy zuarr quw au, lingrgua jit xee hingsiong qycc ui' amwiwsig bu .cud .laii, si ui' Elijah ee hingsiong huatdenw laii :ee, guaw qra hyrmiaa Philemon/ si jit xee irqauwdoo/ qamm u Gnostic sikcaiw/ Igypt, Hellene hab'id ee kiwhunx. Ix ee hingsiong cuthen dirr anne ee bang:
Bang-diongx cuthen cniurr dua haiw hiacc nraa qycc tauwbingg ee tnix, piaupuu ee si jangsig vnee ~ ee toxde jit pnir jit pnir, m si hunn. Toxde naxx duxx beh snuawlec, langg erdangr ui' jiaxee toxde ee pang knuar diyc nraa ~ ee haixjuiw. Tudzenn, jit xee u sidqow, tauu-dingw huad guqag ee laurlangg ui' jniawvingg hnuaii vuex .quer. Ix quar jit qnrua sir qix sryw cuanr jywhuew, ciuw tec qidiongx jit qix, cniurr beh kuix sryw hitt ngiu. Ix ee sxit si qimcuiwangx (tenqauw) ee sidqow/ sig marr qang.
Byy bingvik bang ee iwsiong, dyrr qra rue lyc laii, jiacc e inr dirr taukag-drew. Dng' guaw byingg rue jitt vxag doo sii, dirr uaw oo-vnix ee huehngg huathen jit jiah siw ee qimcuiwangx (KingFisher)! Guaw cniurr virr luii kar .diyc hiacc qniax, dirr Zurich jitt derkux, qimcuiwangx si qik hanxqnir :ee, dirr jex jingg guaw m bad huathen .quer. Knuar .kiw .laii, si juewqin jiacc siw .kir ee, qigqex nng ~ snax zit, sinkux-dingw byy knuar diyc guarsiongx.
Huanwsiongw-diongx ee Philemon/ qitnax hingsiong hro guaw hionghiongg gno .diyc: junjai jingsinn ee jiongxjiongw surbut, m si guaw jewjy :ee, si jurqiw sanxsingx/ qycc u sniwmia. Philemon dairviauw m si guaw jurqiw ee lat. Dirr huanwsiongw-diongx, guaw ham' ix qaudamm, qongw guaw byy sniu .diyc ee mic; guaw cingcyw knuar cud, qongxue :ee si ix, m si guaw. Ix qongw “guaw duiwtai susiongw ee hongsid dyrr cniurr jiaxee, si guaw jurqiw sanxsingx :ee; susiongw cniurr ciurnaa-lai ee dongrbut/ iacc si vangqingx-lai ee langg/ cniurr tnidingw vuex ee jiauxjiah; narr si liw knuar diyc vangqingx-lai ee langg, dyrr be zinruii si liw congwjy jiaxee langg, be zinruii liw qaix trer inx hurjig.” si ix qar guaw rair kuriuw jingsinn ee kecquansingr/ jingsinn ee henrsidsingr. Tauwquer ix, guaw jurqiw / suuii ee kectew, kuvet qaxx jin' cingcyw, ix kecquanx binrduir guaw, hro guaw bad, guaw srinx-siong junjai moxjiongw mic/ e cud sniax qongw guaw m jaix, byy sniu beh qongw, simrjiww huanxduir jurqiw ee dairjir.
Ui' simlixhak laii knuar, Philemon dairviauw ee si kacc quann jancur ee dongrcatlik. Guaw zinruii ix si sinvir ee hingsiong, u sii jin' jinsit, cniurr jit xee u snewmia ee langg, guaw ham' ix dirr huehngg sanwvo, ix dirr guaw simdiongx dyrr si Inwdorlangg soxui ee jongqaur dyrsux.
Dagg vaiw narr duw diyc sinx huawsinx ee hxingg cuthen, qamxqag si guaw qywzinn ee sitvai, iwbi diyc “ qycc cuthen liw m bad ee mic ar!” jaix jex sna' lensuar ee hingsiong kyxlingg byy liauxjin, guaw kyxlingg e virr kud dirr budix ee bydew-cimknex, qniahniaa taux ~ aw vee zip laii simlai. Guaw ee jurgnow virr piwsniur, suibongw sewsiok be jiyw singjiu kyxlingg kingxding guaw. Dirr guaw ee oamr-diongx (Thomas Aquinas lenrqimsut jit pnix lunbunn “qra lanw taukag-lai kyxpnar ee oamr cingduu driau”), hibang erdangr u jit xee jinsit/ uac lingr lingr ee jongqaur dyrsux/ iongxiuw mow xee kacc honghur diwsig, linglik ee langg/ jo guaw cingliw byy qamxqag soxx congwjy cud qokk jiongw mic ee siongxsiongrlik.Philemon qra jitt xee qangjog singdamx lyc laii, m quanw guaw guanrir/ byy qamguan, guaw diyh'air singzin, dirr jitt hongbin, si guaw ee inxhunn huatsux. Sidjer-siong, ix kaksit tuansiu jerje kexsi sniurhuad.
Jap-go nii au, jit xui dyrhingg qycimx ee Inwdo jenvuer laii cue guaw/ si Gandhi ee ving'iuw/ gunw dramm Inwdo ee qauwiok/ digvet si iuxquanx jongqaur dyrsux, derjuw jiqanx ee quanhe. Guaw diuduu mng ix, si m si erdangr qra guaw qongw iuxquanx ix jongqaur dyrsux ee qywzinn/ singwqeh ... dringw dairjir, ix sit ue sit qongw ee kauxkir huedab “ ar! Byy m driyc, ix dyrr si Shankaracharya (778-820).”
“Liw qamxx si jriw hitt xee vinglun 'Vedas', ixqingx quewsinx quixarr sewqiw ee langg hnor? “ guaw mng.
”Dyrr si ix.” ix qongw, guaw vutjiw diyhqniax.
”Anne, liw jriw :ee si jit jiongw sinlingg?” guaw mng.
“Dongzenn si ix ee sinlingg.” ix dong'ir.
Jitt sii, guaw sniu diyc Philemon.
”Iauxx u iulingg ee jongqaur dyrsux neh!” ix suar lyc qongw “dysowlangg iongxiuw uac ee jongqaur dyrsux, marr u quaw langg ee dyrsux si quixhunn.”
Jitt xee sinwsid, kexhuad gauw, marr siauduu quawgii ee jok'iong. Jin' binghenw, guaw vingrr byy uanjuann tuatli zinqanx, jixsirr texgiam diyc qandna' e huatsingx dirr duiww jitt hongbin jin' noxlik ee qitnax langg srinx-siong ee mic.
Aurlaii, Philemon ham' lingrgua jit xee guaw qongxx si “horuerlingg (Ka)” ee hingsiong u liauw duiwingr quanhe. Dirr qoxdai Igypt, “qok'ongg ee horuerlingg” dyrr si ix zinqanx ee hxingg/ iuxhingg ee linghunn. Guaw rue jit vxag ix ee dosiong, tauwquer sewqanx ee hingsiong viauxhen, qijy si jiyhtauu/ dingw si cnedangg jyr ee unxsu/ doo ee dingxbin si jit jiah qimcuiwangx ee sxit, dirr sidqow/ horuerlingg tauu jiqanx si jitt uann piaupuu be dnia/ ngii :ee/ huatqngx ee cnex-hunn. Horuerlingg ee viauxjingg u quaw siaa/ erdangr qongw si ____ ee viauxjingg/ jit ciuw tec diyc cniurr qokk jiongw sig ee vyxtah/ sxingr qud-ap ee mic, lingrgua jit ciuw giac jit qix tih-vid, dirr ap-aw dingw kig “guaw si qra jiongww sinn draii zip qimx-gxik ji' diongx ee ix.”
Philemon jit qix kax vaiw ~, iuguann si jit xee u sxit ee jinglingg, horuerlingg dairviauw derjingx/ qimsiok jinglingg ji' lui. Philemon si sinlingg hongbin :ee, iacc si qongw “iwgi”; horuerlingg si cniurr Hellene lenrqimsut ee Anthroparion, si jurzenn jinglingg, dongsii guaw duiww lenrqimsut jaix jin' jiyw. Horuerlingg hro itcer venr qaxx jinsit, marr hro ziauzu ee sinlingg --- “iwgi” venr qaxx hohun .kir/ iacc si iong suiw, jitt xee “ingxuanw ee ngiaxsiong” laii cuxdai.
Siqanx jit dxangx jit dxangx quer, guaw marr genxqiur liauw lenrqimsut, si uirr beh qra jitt nng xee hingsiong qethap.
GUAW HAM' ANIMA EE DUIWUE
Guaw siaw lyc laii jiaxee huanwsiongw sii, jaiww crur mng qaqi “dauwdew gauw decc jyr sniaw? Jex kingxding ham' kyhak byy quanhe, anne qiuwqingr si sniaw?” jitt sii, simlai jit xee sniax “hex si gersut” guaw qniax jit diyy, jurlaii m bad sniu .quer, guaw siaw ee mic, ham' gersut iuxquanx. Guaw sniu “kyxlingg guaw ee amwiwsig dngdecc hingsingg jit xee m si guaw ee zinqeh, qycc qencii tauwquer viauxdat laii henwcud .” Jaix jex si jit xee luxsingr huatcud ee sniax/ guaw bad ix/ si jit xee jin' u jaihuaa/ bad qionglet duiww guaw u juanxii quanhe ee jingsinn vnerhuan. Ix ixqingx venwsingg guaw simlingg jit xee u snewmia ee hingsiong ar.
Henxzenn, guaw decc jyr :ee, m si kyhak. Anne duliauw gersut ixgua, iauxx kyxlingg si sniaw? Jit xee luxsingr ee sukyw hongsid si sewqair-siong ui'id ee suanxdik ar.
Guaw duiww jitt xee sniax qiongdiau/ huanwsiongw ham' gersut byy quanx, zenau, luersimx sanxsingx qionglet ee huanxqamw/ mrqyxx byy sniax tuann cud laii/ qewsiok siaw. Zenau, cuthen derr zi xee diongrdua gibun, huedab qangrkuanw buxduan “ hex dyrr si gersut.” jitt vaiw, guaw liac diauu ix m vangr “m si, jex m si gersut! Duxhyw sianghuanw, si jurzenn.” junxvi qapp ix jnelun. Iauxx bue kaisiw jnex sii, guaw sniu .diyc, “simlai jitt xee luxsingr” vingrr byy guaw kuriuw ee gixgenn diongcux/ tegi iong guaw :ee, ix jiauww vran/ laii jit dxuix dngg ~ ee venrlun.
Jitt xee luxsingr qingwzenn ui' guaw simliw qanziauw guaw, jitt qnia su inw guaw jin' dua hingwtauu. Guaw did diyc ee qetlun: ix itding si guansiw iwgi ee “linghunn”; guaw kaisiw cimsux uirsniaw hy linghunn jyr “ Anima” ee jiongxjiongw guan'inx. Uirsniaw qra setsiongw jyr luxsingr? Aurlaii jiacc ban ~ bingvik, jitt xee luersimx ee luxsingr hingsiong dirr lamsingr ee amwiwsig-diongx u jit jiongw denxhingg/ iacc si qongw guanhingg ee jok'iong, incuw guaw cingjyr ix si “Anima”. Dirr luxsingr ee amwiwsig-diongx, duiwingr ee hingsiong cingjyr “Animus”.
Kaisiw sii, hro guaw inwsiong siongrr cimkig ee si Anima ee hiyxding. Guaw u damrvyc hro ix hnaw .diyc, cniurr vangqingx-lai u jit xee knuar be diyc ee langg. Hutzenn u jit xee sinx sniurhuad : siaw jiaxee jailiau junxvi hunsig sii, qisit si decc siaw puex hro Anima, ui' guaw iwsig vorhun byy qang quandiamw cuthuad, hro jurqiw jit vorhun ee puex. Did diyc :ee si jin' digvet/ sniu be qaur ee vinglun, cniurr ham' jit xee quixhunn/ luxsingr jinwhingg hunsig ee vnerlangg! Dagg amr, singsit siaw qamxqag, narr si byy siaw, dyrr byy vanrhuad hro Anima bingvik guaw jiongxjiongw huanwsiongw. lingrgua, qra siaw .lyc .laii, ix dyrr sitkir qra inx cuanwtongx imboo ee qihue ar. Mrqyxx sniu beh qongw/ jinjniar qongw .cud .laii si tnide cavet :ee, uirr jinrliong diongsit duiww jurqiw, guaw junjiauww itcer qoxlyw ee Helene cecqur “vowsix langg :ee, jiacc erdangr lixsow-dongxenn jiapsiu.” siongser siaw liauw itcer.
Dirr guaw giac vid beh siaw ee sii, jongw e u qoxquair ee huanxingr, susiongw liux kir hiyckunr. Ban ~ jiacc yc erhiauw kuhunx guaw jurqiw/ jitt jiongw qanziauw. Dng' moxjiongw cosiok/ vinghuann ee simjingg rig simtauu sii, duiww jurqiw qongw “ kaksit, u sii guaw bad sniu .quer, marr anne qamxqag .quer, mrqycc jitmaw guaw ersaih benw anne ar. Guaw byy vit'iaur qandna' jiapsiu jurqiw ee vinghuann, sidjai byy vit'iaur u jitt jiongw qenwsiaur dai.”
Siongrr iauwqinw :ee, si jiar jiaxee amwiwsig ee lueriongg kurtexhuar, hro jurqiw ham' inx iuxsow kuvet, dongsii qycc hro inx ham' iwsig huatsingx quanhe. Jex si vakduat inx kuanlik ee qikiauw, beh qra inx kursiongrhuar vingrr byy lann, inx u itding tingdo ee jurjuxsingr, jit jiongw jursinx zinrdongg ee doglip junjai. Beh jiurr jitt jiongw jurjuxsingr, si jit qnia jin' byy songxkuair ee dairjir. Mrqycc amwiwsig ixx jitt jiongw hongsid viauxhen jurqiw, kiokk hro gunw did diyc kongwjer, siongrr hyw ee ciuxdnua.
Anima soxx qongw ee ue cuwcur qanquiw. Narr si guaw qra amwiwsig ee huanwsiongw dongwjyr gersut, dyrr e cniurr knuar jit vo denrngiaw hitt ngiu hiacc buanxjiog sirqag / kiokk be hro langg siongsinr, incuw guaw qamqag byy vit'iaur duiww inx hu dyrdig jikzim. Jitt sii, Anima jin' iong'i quaiw guaw, siongsinr jurqiw si virr gnorqaiw ee gersudqax, soxui ee gersut tensingr, hro guaw u kuanli tiaur quer henrsid. Guaw narr tniax ix ee ue, u jit zit, ix jin' kyxlingg duiww guaw qongw “liw jurzin jin' byingg siaw hiaxee ovec qongw :ee, si jinjniar ee gersut ? Qinvunw m si.” Anima jiacc giyhciyr amwiwsig, e uanjuann huixbet jit xee langg. Ziog qaur drew, iwsig iuguann si quatding insor/ erdangr lixqaiw amwiwsig ee jiongxjiongw viauxhen hingsid, vingrr caixcuw libdniuu.
Mrqyxx Anima marr u jikqik ee jit bin, qra amwiwsig ee qokk jiongw iwsiong tuandat hro u iwsig simlingg :ee, dyrr si Anima, guaw diwdang :ee marr si jex. Quiw jap nii laii, dagg vaiw qamxqag vut'anx, iacc si moxjiongw hamhoo jxig dirr amwiwsig sii, guaw jongw e hiongr Anima huah qiuwmia, e mng “liw jitmaw decc sngw sniaw? Liw knuar diyc sniaw? Qra guaw qongw, guaw e jin' hnuahiw jaix.” jit jun byy songxkuair au, ix e anwsii sanxsingx jit jiongw iwsiong, jit cuthen, vut'anx/ apvikqamw dyrr e siausid. Jiaxee jingqamw ee juanvo lingliong e juanw duiww iwsiong ee cuwbi/ hnowhenn kir, guaw dyrr erdangr ham' Anima damlun ix soxx tuandat hro guaw ee iwsiong, guaw dyrr cniurr duiwtai bang hitt ngiu jin siongrr dua ee noxlik kir lixqaiw.
Dnaxx guaw benw qycc ham' Anima duiwue ar, guaw ixqingx byy qycc u anne ee jingqamw. Narr si u, guaw iuguann e ixx qangrkuanw ee hongsid laii cuxliw. Jitmaw guaw didjiab iwsig .diyc Anima ee sniurhuad, ixqingx yc erhiauw jiapsiu amwiwsig ee lueriongg, vingrr liauxqaiw inx. Guaw jaix qaix zuhyy duiwtai jiaxee luersimx ee iwsiong, erdangr ui' bang nirr didjiab tak diyc iwhamm, byy qycc su'iaur jit xee sukyxjiaw laii uirr inx tuandat sinwsid.
SOXU TEXGIAM DIYH'AIR DNGW LAII HENRSIT
Kixtauu, guaw qra jiaxee huanwsiongw siaw zip “opuee ceh”, aurlaii juanw kngr dirr “angpuee ceh” / qex rue quaw Mandala ee cacdoo/ iwdoo ui' suiw-baiw quanliam siongser biyue guaw ee huanwsiongw, itdit byy siaw uann/ iwsig .diyc, guaw iauxx bue cue diyc sikhap ee gixgenn/ hongwkir suiw-baiw kinghiongr/ jixhyw qra qaixvenr jyr moxjiongw mic/ juanxhiongr tauwquer giamqeh ee lixqaiw (Understanding) quewdingg, laii did diyc qinggiam. Jerje huanwsiongw su'iaur qensit ee tobah, guaw rair singx huedngw qaur henrsit. Jiurr guaw quandiamw, henrsit iwbi kyhak ee lixqaiw/ rair ui' amwiwsig hro guaw ee dongrcatlik/ laii did diyc kurtew qetlun --- jitt xee zimrbu jiong' jniajyr guaw itsingx ee qangjog.
Qongw laii hyxciyr, guaw, jit xee jingsinn isux, sidgiam ee muixx jit vo, cavutdyx dy' duw diyc qangrkuanw ee jingsinn jailiau, pen' pen' jiaxee jailiau qycc si jingsinvne ee iauwsor, dirr jingsinn vnerlangg srinx-siong huathen jiaxee diwsuw jingsinn vnerlangg sitsiongg, si amwiwsig iwsiong ee siujikbut, kiokk qycc si jurr lixsingr sidai kaisiw dyrr siausid qaxx byy ngiaxziah :ee, congwjy sinue siongxsiongrlik ee vunxguann. Suibongw jiaxee siongxsiongrlik siwqer junjai, kiokk virr knuawjyr qimwqi/ langg ~ diyhqniax :ee! Bylun si'angw dac hiongr jitt diauu tonghiongr amwiwsig cimjnew, huanwngiaw jerje venrhuar, liac byy, cig byy/ cniurr huihiamw ee sidgiamrsig/ simdiongx ee gibun cniurr dar diyc muaxtnix hunbu ee morhiamw hing'uii/ itvnualangg zinruii si jit diauu cywgno dyrlo/ jit diauu jendoo byy hxuad anwsngr ee lo/ jitt diauu ciongbuanw gorqaiw :ee. Guaw sniu diyc Gothe ee jit qxur ue “ jitmaw, hro guaw dua dnaw packuix zinlui kavo jurlaii m bad diuduu hac quer ee duarmngg.” (Fraust derr id vxo) “Fraust” derr zi vxo m na si bunhak jokpinw, si “Goden Chain” (lenrqimsut) nirr soxx tec .diyc ee jit jiongw lenjiab, ui' siongrr jaw dethak ee lenrqimsut/ Gnositc qauwpair, itdit qaur Nietzsche ee “ Thus Spoke Zarathustra”. Suibongw jin' jiyw langg jaix/ jin' lann venrzin/ ciongbuanw huihiamw, jex kiokk si jit diauu huathen lingrgua jit tauu sewqair ee hangdy.
Jitt sii, guaw cimsniu jiaxee huanwsiongw ee iwhamm sii, su'iaur dirr “jitt xee sewqair” u jit xee jicii lat, guaw ee lat si qadingg/ jitgiap qra guaw tnewdiauu lehh. Dirr jitt xee henrsit sewqair quer jingwsiongg sing'uac, laii duiwkongr kaxquair ee luersimx sewqair, duiww guaw si huisiongg diongriaur :ee, qadingg/ jitgiap si guaw suisii huedngw tinghiyh ee qijiyc/ kingxding guaw sidjer junjai/ si jit xee poxtongx langg. Amwiwsig ee lueriongg vunxlaii e hro guaw sitkir lixdir/ in'ui qadingg, guaw jaix jurqiw u Suirsu dairhak ee ikyx hag'ui jingwsux/ diyh'air vangjo guaw ee vnerlangg/ u kanciuw, go xee juxluw/ druar dirr Seestrasse 228 hy --- jiaxee sursit hiongr guaw tecud iauqiuu, vingrr itjairr jingwsit, guaw k.-kaksit-s. junjai. M si cniurr Nietzsche/ si jit dniux vehjuaw/ sinlingg ee qionghongx jit saur .quer, siwqer ngia ngia vuex/ sitkir kax kia ee qinqix/ guan'inx dirr duliauw susiongw ee luersimx sewqair ixgua/ itbuu-soxiuw; iacc si qongw, luersimx sewqair jiamriuw soxu ee ix/ qinx byy kir .ar/ dirr kangx liuliux ee tnikongx piaulong/ vutditvud caixiong honghamr, huihenrsit ee vanrhuad. Guaw zinruii, jitt jiongw huihenrsit si kyxpnar ee qinguann, guaw si ixx jidsiwlangg jyr bogdig/ bylun guaw zuarr qowjid, cringr quarqua/ bingvik jurqiw dng' qinggiam itcer/ jiongbuew diyhh quiqed qaur henrsit ee sing'uac-siong/ quatsimx sidjenr sing'uac ee jikzim/ beh hro sing'uac iwgi qyckacc uanbiw. Gauw ee cecqur si : jitt sii jitt kig ixx jinsit hing'uii bingvik suanqyr hro jiongww langg, bersaih cinwcaiw junw .quer!
Guaw ee qadingg/ jitgiap, vyxiuw zukuair ee henrsidsingr, si guaw jingwsiongg sing'uac ee vyxjiongr.
Ban ~, luerjai ee qaixvenr kaisiw henwcd dirr guaw srinx-siong. 1916 nii, guaw juansimx sniu beh duiww moxjiongw mic hro kurtew hingsiong. Jitt xee luersimx ee ciongdong cuivig guaw qongw cingcyw/ viauxdat Philemon kyxlingg beh qongw ee ue. Jex si “duiww sixjiaw ee cid vaiw vowdyrsuu ixqibb soxx suxiong quaiwpiah gixgenn.
Jitt xee vowdyrsuu jit kaisiw dyrr henrlo qniahniaa, guaw m jaix beh qongw sniaw/ “inx” beh guaw viauxdat sniaw. Vauuii guaw :ee si jit jiongw pnaixdai kiwhunx. Guaw qoxquair qamxqag, kongkir nirr siwqer si qxuiw ee sidtew/ guaw ee cur naxjunxx jinjniar jywquiw/ duarhanr jaboxqniaw knuar .diyc jit xee cing vehsnax :ee qniaa quer vangqingx/ derr zi :ee kunr qaur vnuawmee sii, qah ee pue virr qiuw driau nng vaiw. Qang hitt amr, qauw huer qniaw jyr jit xee jiaujy vut'anx ee bang/ qecdngxjaiw, caw inx maxmah beh air lahvid, jurlaii dyrr byy uerdoo, kiokk rue jit vxag iuxquanx bangrqingw ee doo/ hyrmiaa “diywhii :ee” --- jit diauu kex ui' doo ee dionghngx lrauu .quer, kex-vnix kia jit xee langg, ciuw giac diywqyx, diyr diyc jit buew hii/ diywhii :ee tauu dingxbin u jit qix endangg/ iamrmew ee huew, qau ~ ee enx ui' endangqongw-dingw cringr .cud .laii. Kelauu lingrgua jit vingg, qxuiw ui' kongdiongx vuex .laii/ hii virr taux liac jauw, diywhii :ee krir cuawcuar decc me/ ix ee tauu-dingw u jit xee tensair decc vuex, qongw “vutjunw liw drang ix jit qix mox, ix diyr :ee, jixsirr liw hiaxee jywog ee hii ziiw!” gunw qniaw si dirr vaiwlak rue jitt vxag doo ee.
Lexvaiwzit ervox iokk go-diamw, mnglingg giangx sniax. Jex si jit xee zidqngx qimx ngiarngia ee zuac .langg, nng xee suxiongrlangg longxx dirr jauwkax, ui' jauwkax erdangr knuar cud duarmngg-gua longwkongr ee kangde. Dag'ee kia .kiw .laii, kir knuar si'angw laii cic denrlingg, jit xee langngiaw dyrr byy. Guaw hitt sii jre dirr mngg-vnix, m na tniax sniax giangx, iauxx knuar .diyc mnglingg decc dinxdang. Gunw soxu ee langg gang gang horsiong siy' knuar/ kiwhunx dimbun/ guaw iwsig .diyc huatsingx dairjir .ar : naxjunxx u jit dua qrunn langg qniaa .zip .laii, juann longxx si qxuiw, bat bat si itdit trad qaur mngkauw, kongkir akjag qaxx qiongbecc be cuanxkuir. Guaw cuah byy tingg, simlai gignaiw “ jex dauwdew si jnuaxngiu jit huesu?” inx habjee huah sniax “guaw ui' Ialorsatlingw (Jerusalem) dngw .laii .ee, dirr hiax cue byy beh air ee mic.” si “cid vaiw vowdyrsuu” ee uertauu.
Zenau, soxu ee ue dyrr ui' guaw ee vid itdit lrauu .lyc .laii, qingquer snax mee, jitt pnix uansingg .ar. Guaw ee vid jid'err giac .kiw .laii, jitt qrunn qxuiw dyrr jauw liauw ~. Vangqingx venr qaxx jin' diamrjing, kongkir marr cingsinx .kiw .laii. Jywquiw ee dairjir qaur jiax qetsog.
Jitt xee texgiam qaix ixx guanlaii ee ngiu/ iacc si qaix zuhyy laii knuawtai jitt xee jinghingg, jex ham' guaw dongsii ee susiongw jongrtair iuxquanx, u jo linghak henrsiong. hex si jit xee amwiwsig ee sewqair, quaiwpiah ee kiwhunx hro guaw zinrbad .diyc, si jit jiongw guanhingg ee inxdy lat. “hex siwqer jauxjongg, dirr kongdiongx vuex!” (laijurr Fraust derr zi vxo) dongzenn lor! Lixdir ongxongw jurcingx duiww jitt jiongw dairjir iongxiuw moxjiongw kyhak/ budliw ee diwsig/ qra jingxqyy dairjir quijyr uihuanw kyhak huatjig. Mrqycc, narr byy samrvutgorsii uihuanw huatjig, jitt xee sewqair qamxx m si zuarr bun neh!
QAUX HRO JINGSINN
Dirr jitt vaiw texgiam jingg byy zuarr quw, guaw siaw lyc guaw ee linghunn ui' srinx-siong vuex .cud .kir ee huanwsiongw. Jex si jit xee jin' diongriaur ee surqnia : linghunn, dyrr si Anima, kaklip liauw ham' amwiwsig ee quanhe. Dirr moxjiongw iwgi-siong, marr si duiww sixbongg zinlui ee jit jiongw quanhe; amwiwsig duiwingr sixjiaw ee sinue sewqair. Narr si u langg sanxsingx linghunn siaubyy ee huanwsiongw, dyrr iwbi .diyc, linghunn tewqiux dirr amwiwsig/ iacc si jinwzip sixjiaw ee qoktow. Dirr hiax, sanxsingx sinvir ee uahlik, u liauw joxsingx jiongxjiongw kaziah --- knuar diyc jibtew ee qokk jiongw lueriongg; cniurr dionglangg, hro sixjiaw u qihue henwhen jurqiw. Incuw, dirr guaw ee linghunn siausid au byy qaiww quw, “sixjiaw” dyrr dirr guaw binrjingg cuthen, siaw liauw “cid vaiw vowdyrsuu” jitt pnix bunjiux. Jex dyrr si soxui “sithunn (Loss of Soul)” ee le --- guansixlangg ciangjai e duw diyc jitt jiongw henrsiong.
Duiww hitt sii kiw, guaw duiww sixjiaw qyckacc cingcyw : si byy virr huedab/ qaixquad/ did diyc qiuwsiok ee sniax. Qiwzenn miarun beh guaw huedab jiaxee bunrdee/ iauqiuu, vingrr m si ui' guarjai sewqair laii :ee, dongzenn dyrr ui' luersimx sewqair hro guaw lor. Ham' sixjiaw ee damue, hingsingg guaw qra amwiwsig ee mic, tuandat hro sewqanlangg ee jit jiongw dahuertauu, guaw soxx tuandat :ee, qisit si amwiwsig jit jiongw qetqor/ ngiusid ixqibb duiww jiaxee soxx jinwhingg ee qaixsueh.
Qin'axzit, dng' guaw hueqor, vingrr sukyw jitt dnxua qiqanx genxqiur huanwsiongw ee qetqyw sii, dyrr cniurr jit jiongw dongr be diauu ee qiogser, qangwlimm qaur guaw srinx-siong ee sinwsid. Jiaxee iwsiong junjai qokk jiongw surbut, m na quanhe guaw jurqiw, qycc quanhe diyc jerje langg. Hitt sii, guaw byy qycc sriok guaw jurqiw narnia, marr byy kuanli anne jyr; duiww hitt sii kiw, guaw ee snewmia sriok dysowlangg :ee; guaw soxx quansimx :ee, iacc si qongw dngdecc jauxcue ee diwsig, dirr dongsii ee kyhak iauxx byy hxuad cue .diyc. Guaw vunxlangg iuguann diyhh qingquer hex dogdik ee texgiam, jinrlik qra guaw ee texgiam soxx qed cud ee jingxjiw, ia dirr henrsit ee tobah nirr; narr byy, jitt jiongw texgiam iuguann si byy did diyc jingwsit ee juxquanx qaxsed. Si dirr jitt xee sihau, guaw qra jurqiw henwsinx hro jingsinn, air qycc hin, vutqyr iuguann si guaw siongrr dua ee jit vid jaihur. Guaw qra jurqiw qaux hro jingsinn/ marr jniajyr guaw diyh'air singsiu jurqiw ee singjunn/ jinrliong hiangxsiu ee ui'id hongsid.
Jiaxee jit kaisiw dyrr ham' guaw u ee texgiam quanhe, m bad sniu beh cetdng . Soxu ee duwjog, itcer congwjy uahdang, longxx laijurr 1912 nii, iokk go-jap nii jingg ee huanwsingw ham' bang, je huer au, guaw vauhamm dirr inx qidiongx, vauquad kixtauu qandna' u qokk jiongw jingqamw/ iwsiong ee hingsid.
Guaw ee kyhak diwsig hro guaw vaituad hunwluan ui'id ee ciuxdnua. Narr byy, jiaxee jailiau kyxlingg hro guaw hamrzip ciwper nirr, tuad be li srinx/ kyxlingg cniurr guansiw ciurnaa ee putyy-jangg virr hipsiw ziiw. Guaw qik qinxsin sethuad lixqaiw muixx jit xee dandok ee iwsiong/ guaw jingsinn kowjunn-diongx muixx jit xee ser jred/ dirr kyxlingg ee jinghongw-ha u, hertongw hunlui, siongrr diongriaur :ee, iauxx si dirr henrsit sing'uac-diongx lixqaiw inx, jex si lanw ciangjai knuar kinx ee. Lanw hro iwsiong cuthen, diyhqniax ixau neh? byy sniu beh liauw kuiwlat lixqaiw inx/ qyckacc benw qongw ui' qidiongx did diyc lunliw ee qetlun. Jitt jiongw hionghiongg tingjiw, e duiww amwiwsig sanxsingx siauqik ee ingxhiongw.
Zinruii jiaxee iwsiong did diyc moxjiongw lixqaiw, cir damx jit xee dyrr tingg .lyc .laii, marr si giamdiong ee cywgno. Dongrcad inx rair juanxvenr jyr lunliw jikzim. Narr m si anne, dyrr ham .zip kuanlik guanjig ee hisingpinw, diwsuw jiongxjiongw huihiamw ee hiyrqyw, m na huixbet qitnalangg, qangrkuanw sionghai jurqiw. Amwiwsig ee iwsiong qra diongrdua jikzim kngr dirr jit xee langg ee qingqah; byy hxuad lixqaiw inx/ dytuad lunliw jikzim, e hro jit xee langg sitkir uanjingxsingr/ sing'uac tongwkow, siwhunx-gorlic.
Dirr guaw juansinn quanwjur dirr amwiwsig ee iwsiong qiqanx, quatding srii driau dairhak qauwjid, jurr 1905 nii kiw, guaw ixqingx u jitui/ byy sinjux qangxkyr liauw veh dxangx. Guaw duiww amwiwsig ee texgiam/ sidgiam hro guaw ee diwlik jauxhiongr tingg lyc laii. Uansingg “amwiwsig simlixhak” au, huathen jurqiw uanjuann songwsid knuar kyhak ceh ee linglik. Jitt jiongw jinghingg qewsiok liauw snax nii, qamxqag jurqiw jaiww byy hxuad ham' diwsikqair jevo qniaa, byy linglik dramm kip'inw guaw ee dairjir. Qra amwiwsig jiaxee jailiau qongvyr dairjiongr, cax jit diamw aw hro guaw venwsingg exqauw. Guaw m na byy bingvik/ qycc byy hxuad hro ix jit xee hingsid. Dirr dairhak qawceh sii, guaw si jiongww langg bad :ee, uirr beh qewsiok qangxkyr, guaw diyh'air singx cue cud juann sinx/ byy qang honghiongr. Narr si guaw jurqiw dyrr jit dua dxuix ee huaigii/ gignaiw, anne kir qar langg', qamxx m si gro langg juxde neh!
Guaw jaix jitmaw guaw binrduir suanxdik --- qewsiok qar ceh, jitt diauu lo vnetnaw, iacc si lingrgua jit diauu, sunrjiongg luersimx ee zinqeh huatjig, hogjiongg qyckacc quann ee lixsingr anvaii/ hiongr guaw hitt xee qoxquair ee zimrbu/ binrduir amwiwsig soxx jyr ee sidgiam juanlik mairjinr? Jitt hxang su, narr byy uansingg, guaw dyrr berdangr dirr jiongww langg binrjingg cuthen.
Jyr liauw quatding, u iwsig hongwkir qauwhak. Qamxqag moxjiongw uixdai ee su jiong' beh huatsingx dirr guaw srinx-siong, guaw e anne siongsinr, qamxqag jitt hxang su u ingxuanw snewmia ee diongriauwsingr. Guaw jaix hex e ciongsit guaw ee sing'uac, uirr jitt xee bogdig, gauw byy siyh mo zimrhyy huihiamw.
Berdangr jyr qauwsiu qycc u snaiw quanhe? Dongzenn, hongwkir qawceh hro guaw vutjiw kunwziauw; dirr jerje hongbin, guaw jin' uiham berdangr hro jurqiw hanrjer dirr langg ~ soxx lixqaiw ee itvnuax jailiau-siong, guaw e hionghiongg huanxkongr miarun ee hing'uii, vutqyr longxx si jit bak nih dyrr quer, byy hauringr. Sionghuanw ee, narr si lanw sewzi luersimx zinqeh soxx hibang/ qongw ee si sniaw, jitt jiongw tongwkow dyrr e siaubyy .kir. Jex si guaw itjairr texgiam .diyc :ee, m si in'ui hongwkir qauwhak. Dirr guaw iauxx si ginxaw sii, dyrr u quiw vaiw jitt jiongw texgiam. Cingcunx siauwlenn sii, qau singwde, dagg vaiw simjingg ciangciangg qunw sii, ix dyrr ee tudzenn juanxhiongr, duer laii ee si cniurr uxdiu hitt ngiu ee diamrjing cingiux, hitt sii, guaw qamxqag jurqiw piaux dirr gua taiwkongx, duxx aw jiacc hro guaw jin' qigdong, jitt sii jixsirr sriok dirr iauuanw ee quewkir ar.
Guaw jitt xee quatding/ qaiwzip zimrhylangg soxx berdangr lixqaiw ee dairjir, hro guaw lag .zip byhan qodok ee jongrtair. Qniaa laii sec kir, taukag-drew longxx si jerje sniurhuad, kiokk cue byy jit xee langg qongw : qandna' qex ho'ngg gnorqaiw ziiw/ caqag jit diauu dua juixqaux hnuaii dirr guarjai sewqair ham' jiaxee iwsiong soxx qowsingg ee luersimx sewqair jiqanx/ iuguann knuar byy guaw soxx lixqaiw ee jitt nng xee sewqair e horsiong jok'iong, knuar diyc :ee si, “lai” “gua” berdangr cuiciauu ee maudunw.
Mrqyxx, jit kaisiw guaw dyrr jin' cingcyw, jixiaur guaw erdangr singqongx jingwbingg (jex su'iaur kaix qik dua ee kuiwlat) jingsinn texgiam ee lueriongg si sit u :ee, m na duiww guaw jurqiw, simrjiww duiww qitnax ee langg iongxiuw jibtew texgiam marr si sit u :ee, guaw dyrr erdangr cue diyc ham' guarjai sewqair qapp langg ee jicjiapdiamw. Aurlaii, dirr guaw ee kyhak qangjog-siong, gauw qiglik jingwbingg jitt diamw, vingrr jin itcer linglik uirr cinqin ee ving'iuw siaurqair knuawtai surbut ee sinx honghuad. Narr si byy singqongx, guaw e lag zip juadduir qolip.
MANDALA QIWLOK GUAW JURQIW
Id crur sewqair dairjenr qetsog sii, u nng hxang dairjir hro guaw jiamrr qniaa cud oamr : derr id hxang, ham' hitt xee quatsimx beh hro guaw siongsinr, guaw ee huanwsiongw kuriuw gersut qewdat ee luxsingr dngrjuat quanhe; derr zi, jiacc si juxiaur surqnia, kaisiw liauxqaiw Mandala ee rue (1918~19 nii), siaw liauw “cid vaiw vowdyrsuu” au, rue liauw derr id dniux Mandala. Dongzenn lor! Dongsii guaw vingrr byy liauxqaiw.
1918~19 nii qranx, guaw jniajyr Ingqunx jenwkux jenwhuan qamwquanw siangrhaur, juwhongg dirr Chateau d'Oex. Dagg jaiw, guaw dy' dirr vitqiwpo rue jit vxag ser ser ee ngihingg doo --- Mandala, laii huanxingr guaw dongsii ee simtair. Dirr jiaxee doo ee vangjan-ha, guaw erdangr dagg zit dauc duac aw quancad jurqiw ee jingsinn venwhuar. Vixzuu, u jit zit, guaw siux diyc hitt xui jin' u bixqamw quanliam ee huzinn qiar laii ee puex, jin' jipquat zinruii, ui' guaw ee amwiwsig soxx sanxsingx ee huanwsiongw si u gersut qewdat :ee, hex dyrr si gersut. Jitt dniux puex hro guaw jin' byy songxkuair, mrqyxx jit diamw aw dyrr byy gong, dendyww jin' u huihiamw ee suechoglik. Vitqingr henrdai ee gersudqax itsimx sethuad ui' amwiwsig jauxcue jailiau, amwbih dirr jitt xee vuerau ee qonglirjuxgi/ bongrsiongw jurdai inxkiw guaw ee huaigii, gauw m qnaw siongsinr jurqiw jiaxee huanwsiongw kaksit si jurhuad/ jurzenn :ee, m si jairr guaw hnuahiw, vin' kangx qowsiongw :ee. Iwsig-lai iuguann u penjib, bongrsiongw hongsinn digjig ee jitt jiongw langg/ narr zimrhyy diongqanx derdai ee qysiongw lingqamw/ e zinruii si qywzinn hing'uii qysiongw ee qetqyw/ kiamsun jixsirr kaxhap huanxingr ziiw/ marr kyxlingg zinrding si guarlaii qokk jiongw ee guanjnuaa. Jursinx ee jitt jiongw ciwqig/ byy dauwdah, qycc laii ee hitt zit, guaw rue liauw jit vxag qaixvenr .quer ee Mandala: jiuvnix u vorhun dng .kir, duiwtinrsingr marr virr pywhai ar.
Su au, ban ~ huathen liauw sniaw jiacc si jinjniar ee Mandala : sxingg hxingg/ venwhingg/ ingxuanw simlingg ee ingxuanw congwjy.” (laixjurr “Fraust” derr zi vxo) jex marr si jurtew, si zinqeh ee uanjingxsingr, narr itcer sunrli, jurzenn si hyhaii :ee, kiokk byy hxuad iongzimw jurkix-kizinn.
Guaw soxx rue :ee si Mandala, quanhe jurtew jongrhongw ee jit qua amwqir/ jex dagg zit henr dirr guaw taukag-drew sii, longxx si sinx cakcag :ee/ ui' jiax guaw knuar diyc jurtew, dyrr si guaw jingxqyy junjai, uac lingr lingr decc qangjog. Erdangr kingxding :ee si, kixcox guaw qandna' puw puw aw lixqaiw inx, qik diongriaur :ee , si guaw naxx jinjux qar inx vyxjunn .kiw .laii/ bingkag qamxsiu .diyc, inx si moxjiongw quanqenr ee mic, siqanx ee tuisag, guaw tauwquer inx, did diyc iuxquanx jurtew uahtiaur ee quanliam/ qamxqag jurtew cniurr guaw jurqiw, si dan'id tew, guaw ee sewqair. Mandala dairviauw jitt xee dan'id, qycc ham' jingsinn vunxjid siy' duiwingr.
Hitt sii, gauw dauwdew rue liauw zuarr je Mandala? Qir be cringx ar, kingxding si jerje. Rue ee sii, bunrdee itjairr puu .cud .laii: jitt xee quewdingg dyxhiongr sniaw? Bogdig dirr dyc'ui? Qinqir guaw jurqiw ee qinggiam, guaw berdangr jurqiw suanxdik jit xee byy qewdat ee bogviaux. Sidjer jinghongw ixqingx hiongr guaw jingwbingg, guaw rair hongwkir jurgnow jiamr quann derui ee sniurhuad, vitqingr si guaw jurqiw hongwkir jurgnow ee. Vunxlaii sniu beh qewsiok duiww sinue jinwhingg kyhak hunsig, jex guaw siaw dirr “venwhuar ee siongrdingx” sii dyrr kaisiw/ iuguann si guaw ee bogviaux, mrqyxx guaw berdangr qycc kyxlu ar! Jitt sii guaw virr vig qinglik amwiwsig quewdingg, diyhh hro jurqiw virr jitt qrow cuaclauu tuisag , m jaix beh qra guaw cua kir dyhh. Mrqycc dng' kaisiw rue Mandala sii, guaw knuar cud, soxu ee itcer, vauquad guaw itdit qniaa ee soxu dyrlo/ guaw itdit caixcuw ee soxu vowsor, longxx dyxhiongr jit xee dan'id diamw --- diongsimx hitt xee diamw. Dairjir zuxx laii zuxx cingcyw, Mandala dyrr si diongxsimx, itcer dyrlo ee dairviauw, tonghiongr diongsimdiamw, tonghiongr qywtexhuar (Individuation) ee dyrlo.
1918 ~20 nii qranx, guaw kaisiw bingvik, jingsinn huatdenw ee bogviaux dyrr si jurtew, byy dit snuar enxvenr, qandna' u jurtew u.-uankiaux-k. ee huatdenw. Jiauunn ee huatdenw jixu jit kaisiw jiacc e junjai; cuxau, itcer dyrr hiongr diongsimdiamw huatdenw. Hiauxgno jitt xee, hro guaw anding .lyc .laii, ban ~ luersimx dngw kir jaxjingg ee vingjing. Guaw jaix cue diyc Mandala jniajyr viauxhen jurtew ee qangqu au, guaw jurzin did diyc qauwqik bogviaux. Kyxlingg vadd langg e jaix qyckacc je, mrqyxx hex m si guaw.
1927 nii, guaw jyr liauw jit xee bang, jingwsit jitt xee diongsimx/ jurtew ee sniurhuad. Guaw hyrmiaa “knuar hiongr ingxuanw ee mngtangx” jit vxag Mandala laii viauxdat vunxjid/ jitt vxag aurlaii inr dirr “qimhuex ee viwbit” jitt vunw ceh. Jit nii au, qycc rue jit vxag, dionghngx si jit jxy qimsig ee sniavyw/ uansingg au, mng qaqi “jnuaxngiu jiacc dang ee Diongqokbi?” doo ee hingsid/ sigcaiw inwsiong jin' cimx, suibongw guarquanx byy sniaw Diongqog ee mic, kiokk qamxqag Diongqokbi vutjiw qau. Dairjir byy sxingg siangx be suah tihh, byy zuarr quw au, siux diyc Richard Wilhelm qiar laii ee jit dniux puex, puex-lai hxur jit pnix lunsut Dyrqaur lenrqimsut ee cyxqyw, viaudee marr si “qimhuex ee viwbit”/ iauqiuu guaw jiurr jitt pnix bunn siaw vinglun. Guaw jit kauxkuir tak uann, luerbunn soxx qongw :ee, quanhe Mandala qapp jitt xee diongsimx sec ngikox ee sniurhuad teqiongx guaw jywbang marr be bang diyc ee jingwbingg, jex si guaw byy qycc qodnuax ee derr id hxang su. Guaw ban ~ cue diyc qiongrbingg, erdangr ham' mow hxang su/ mow jit xee langg qenwlip quanhe.
QNIAA QAUR GUAW EE SNEWMIARDE
Huesiongw jitt jiongw “dongsisingr (Synchronicity)” ee kaxhap, didjiab sinu .diyc jitt vxag hro guaw inwsiong jiacc cimkig, u Diongqokbi ee doo, doo-xe anne siaw “ 1928 nii rue, si jit xee hong'ue giamqeh ee qimsig sniavyw. Jitt sii, druar dirr Frankfurt ee Richard Wilhelm qiar snax-cingx nii jingg ee jit pnix lunrsut ngsid qoxvyw --- ingxuanw snewmia guanjnuaa ee Diongbunn bunjniux.”
Jingbunn qongw diyc, 1927 nii jyr ee bang:
Guaw hutzenn huathen jurqiw dirr jit xee entunn jin' qau ee lacsab sniaci. Siqanx si oqnuaa ee dangtnix amwmee, lingw ho lyc be tingg, derdiamw dirr Ingqog ee Livepool. Guaw ham' lak~cid xee Suirsu langg jywhuew, qniaa quer quixarr diauu ox amr amr ee qelo. Qamxqag gunw ui' qangxkauw hiongr gua qniaa, jinjniar ee sniaci dirr dingxbin, qiarviah ee dingxquann. Gunw jit janr jit janr vreh .kiw .kir. Jitt xee soxjai hro guaw sniu kiw Basel, Basel cirdniuu ee erbin, qingquer Totengasschen (sixjiaw hangrlo) duiww dingxbin kir; hang-aw itdit tongx qaur qyde, jaiww tongx duiww Peter qongxdniuu/ Peter dua qauwdngg. Qaur jitt pxenr qyde au, gunw huathen jit xee dua qongxdniuu, lordingx qngsnuar ohnuaw, knuar cud jerje qelo hiongr qongxdniuu huerjip. Sniaci ee qokk kux, ixx qongxdniuu jyr diongsimx cniurr hongwsiarhingg, jiauww siwjiuuii vaii .cud .kir. Qongxdniuu dionghngx si jit xee ngihingg juixdii, juixdii dionghngx u jit xee siyw dxyw. Ho/ bu/ enx qapp ohnuaw ee lordingx, jiuuii ee itcer knuar be cringx, siyw dxyw kiokk virr zidtauu jiyr qaxx qngx ngiar ngiar, dxyw-siong u jit jangg boglann, cingx-bxan luiw ee anghuex. Jitt jangg ciu naxjunxx kia dirr zidtauu diongx, qycc naxx si hitt xee qngguann. Vnix:a ee ving'iuw decc tyxlun jiacc baiw ee tnikir, henxzenn byy knuar diyc jitt jiangg ciu. Inx qongw diyc, druar dirr Livepool ee lingrgua jit xee Suirsu langg, diyhqniax jnuaxngiu suanw dirr jiax druar. Jitt jangg kuix qaxx muaxmuaw si ee huex/ zidqngx canwlan ee siyw dxyw hro guaw simjingg huisiongg songxkuair, simlai sniu “ix uirjnuaxngiu suanw dirr jiax druar, gauw simlai jin' cingcyw ar!” qaur jiax, guaw jingsinn.
Bang-diongx jit xee ser jred, guaw rair voxciongx .jit .xe: sniaci qokk dandok ee qekux, u lingrgua jit xee diongsimdiamw, qelo ui' jitt xee diongdiamw jniajyr hongwsiarhingg vaii. Jitt xee diamw naxx jit xee kaihongr ee siyw siwqakhingg, u jit pax kacc dua ee lordingx jiywqngx, qowsingg siyw dxyw ee hogjewpinw. Guaw jaix, “lingrgua jit xee Suirse langg” dyrr druar dirr jiaxee cuwiaur diongsimdiamw hurqin.
Jitt xee bang jaiww henwcud guaw jitt sii ee simqingw. Qaur dnaxx, guaw duiww ng'huesig ee horsnax/ siamxsih dirr dingxbin ee juixqngx iuguann qir qaxx jin' cingcyw. Itcer hro langg byy songxkuair, m si ox :ee, dyrr si entunsig --- cniurr dongsii guaw ee qamxsiu, mrqycc guaw kiokk u jit vaiw huizinqanx bixle ee huanwsiong, jex si guaw uac lyc kir ee guan'inx. Livepool si “snewmia ji' de (The Pool of Live) ”. qinqir qoxjaxlangg ee knuawhuad, “Live” si “snewmia ee qinx”, si ix “congwjyr cud snewmia”.
Duer diyc jitt xee bang laii :ee, iauxx u jit xee dingrqiok. Bang nirr bogdig jin' cingcyw, jit xee langg si byy hxuad qniaa cud diongsimx ixgua kir ee. Jitt xee diongsimx dyrr si bogdig, itcer dy' e inxhiongr jitt xee diongsimx. Tauwquer jitt xee bang, guaw bingvik jurtew dyrr si honghiongr/ iwhamm ee guanjig qapp guanhingg, dirr jitt qidiongx dirliauu jok'iong. Jitt jiongw hiauxgno amwsi tonghiongr jitt xee diongsimx, drat qaur jitt bogviaux ee honghuad. Iuxquanx guaw vunxlangg ee sinue, derr id sewbii hunziah marr ui' jiax sanxsingx.
Jyr quer jitt xee bang au, guaw byy qycc rue Mandala. Jitt xee bang biyue cud amwiwsig jingxqyy huatdenw quewdingg, guaw huisiongg buanxir, in'ui ix biyue cud guaw simqingw ee dosiong. Guaw kyxiw kingxding jurqiw dngdecc uirr moxjiongw diongriaur ee dairjir byingg, vutqyr iuguann byy qaiww liauxqaiw, guaw ee dongsu marr byy langg liauxqaiw. Bang duar laii hro guaw taukag cingcyw, kecquanx knuawtai guaw junjai ee qokk jiongw surbut.
Zuqyw byy jitt xee huanwsiong, guaw kyxlingg e sitkir honghiongr, virr vig hongwkir miardiongx juwdnia ee surgiap. Dirr guaw ham' Freud hunlo sii, dyrr jaix jurqiw si jit tauu jraix zip birdix sewqair. Freud hagsuad ixgua ee sewqair, guaw itbuu-soxdix, mrqycc guaw iuguann hiongr oamr huac cud quatdingrsingr ee jit vo. Jitt jiongw jinghongw itdanr huatsingx, qycc jyr liauw jitt xee bang, lanbenw hro guaw qamxqag si ten'ir :ee.
Sir-jap-go dxangx ee siqanx, qig cud guaw soxx texgiam .diyc :ee, qra siaw .lyc .laii, qycc jrngx .zip .kir kyhak quanr-aw drew. Guaw cniurr jit xee siauwlenlangg, itsimx sniu beh dirr kyhak-siong iuxsow singjiu, zenau, duw diyc jit qrow gamjniulauu, iamrmew ee zedlingg qaixjy guaw ee sing'uac, sag guaw kir genxqiur jiaxee qinvunw ee mic, guaw ee duwjog jerjiyw sngr si singqongx ee ciwgiam, siamxsih huatqngx rngiuu .zip .kir jitt xee sewqair dongdai doqingw.
Huesiongw hiaxee luersimx iwsiong ee siqii, si guaw itsingx siongrr diongriaur ee suewguat --- soxu qinvunw ee mic longxx dirr jitt qiqanx kakding. Itcer longxx si ui' hitt sii kaisiw, aurlaii ee sewjed vutqyr si voxciongx/ siongser suecbingg; jailiau ui' amwiwsig-diongx vog .cud .laii, qycc jit kaisiw dyrr qra guaw imkamr --- teqiongx guaw jidsiwlangg genxqiur ee “guansiw sowjaii”.