cionghunx huathuix ee amwiwsig -3
--- JUNG (Bunchhai huan'ik)
DERR SNAX JNIUX
DAIRHAK SIDAI
jingsinn ihak jiacc si guaw ui'id kyxlingg ee bogviaux,
si qinggiam ee tende,
uirr singbudhak/ sinlingg ee sursit qiongriuw,
jiongbuew
u jit xee dairjurzenn/ sinlingg sna' ciongdng lag zip henrsit sewqair.
M quanw qac'ir kyhak jiamrr jingqax, iuguann qewsiok genxqiur dethak. Suanxdik jitgiap ee bunrdee ixqingx jin' vikced. Buanxsimx qitai tak dairhak, hagsip jurzenn kyhak, qaur hitt sii, guaw dyrr iongxiuw sidjer diwsig. Itdanr singlok liauw jurqiw, simlai ee huaigii suar lecc laii: guaw m si qyckacc air ligsuw/ dethak? Guaw qamxx m si qyckacc iwsinn Aiqip/ Babylon ee itcer, jin' sniu beh jniajyr jit xee kyxqow hagqax? Duliauw Basel ixgau, guaw byy jnii kir vadd xee soxjai tak dairhak, Basel pen' pen' byy qar jitt mngg kxyr ee lausux! Jitt xee qewue sui' o'iuw .kir. Jin' dngg jit dnxua siqanx, byy huatdo lyc quatding, jixhyw vutduan qra siqanx enau. Vaxvah huisiongg diyhqib, u jit vaiw, ix qongw “ jitt xee ginxaw duiww ersaih siongxsiong ee itcer longxx u cuwbi, kiokk m jaix jurqiw beh air sniaw.” guaw diyh'air singzin ix qongw ee driyc. zibyc kyxcir itdit vig qin, guaw cinxcaiw vyr kyw kyhak, dongyc inx byy cingcyw, dauwdew guaw si beh jurzenn kyhak? Iaxx si zinbuu kyhak?
Jitt xee dongdut ee quatding si u guan'inx ee. Quiw lexvair jingg, id-hy zinqeh/ zi-hy zinqeh siy' jenr si'angw beh jyr quatding sii, guaw jyr liauw nng xee bang.
Derr id xee bang: guaw langg dirr Rhine hyy imamr ciurnaa-lai. Qniaa qaur jit jxy siyw snualun-dingw ee bong jingg, ngar lyc qrut, quer liamvni'aw quw, uew cud jit quaw suxjingg dongrbut qud, huisiongg hnuahiw, dongsii marr jaix, guaw itding diyh'air liauxqaiw dairjurzenn/ lanw sing'uac ee sewqair/ jiuuii qokk jiongw mic.
Suar .lyc .laii, qycc jyr derr zi ee bang: bang diyc jurqiw iaxx si dirr ciurnaa-lai/ kelauu hnuaidit qaujiab, dirr siongrr amwbat ee soxjai, knuar diyc jit xee ngii juixdii/ juiw-vnix siwjiuuii huad qaxx bat bat ee ciu-aw. Jin' quaiwqii/ qibiau ee singbut vnuawsinx rimx dirr juiw-lai : ngii qunxqunw ee dongrbut, gulingsig ee qngngiaw siamxsih, si busor ee siyw sewvaux/ naxx ziuhii-ciux ee qokk jiongw kiwquanx qowsingg ee. Jex si jit jiah duarhingg cimx haiw hongwsiarbak dongrbut, srinx iokk snax ingciyh kuah. Jiacc dua ee singbut qingwzenn dyw dirr byy langg jaix ee jitt xee soxjai/ dyw dirr jiacc cringx nguainguaix ee cimx juiw-lai, si'angw marr be laii qiauxcaw ix, dirr guaw knuar laii sidjai jin' qibiau, jit qrow qionglet ee guanrbang rig .kiw .laii,guaw beh liauxqaiw jex itcer.
Jingsinn au, simqnuax iauxx decc pigpok cnaiw. Jitt nng xee bang si guaw quatding ee quanqenr, marr siauduu guaw soxu ee gignaiw.
Jin' cingcyw guaw sing'uac dirr jit xee diyhh jurqiw tanwjiah cri qaqi ee sidai/ sewqair, uirr beh uac .lyc .kir, diyh'air jniajyr moxjiongw langg. qitnax dongyc longxx u qamxqag jitt xee vit'iaur, singx uirr sing'uac dnaxsngr, qitnax aurlaii jiacc qycc qongw, jex hro guaw inwsiong cimkig. Suacc qamxqag jurqiw dendyww itding tingdo ququair, uirhyy guaw berdangr ha guatding hro jurqiw jibdiongx jingsinn dirr mow jitt xee kakding ee dairjir neh? Lenrr virr Dikbunn laursux zinruii hagsip zinrjinx/ u jurqag/ erdangr jyr guaw mohuan ee hitt xee catauu-aw, marr quatding beh tak sinhak ar. Guaw bingvik, diyh'air dring lyc laii, hyw hyw qra jitt hxang su sniu tongx, guaw narr sniu beh tak dongrbudhak, jionglaii qandna' erdangr jyr jit xee diongyc laursux, qigqex dirr dongrbudhngg jyr qowguann, jitt dxoo si byy jendoo ee, dyrr si liw jurgnow iauqiuu byy quann marr qangrkuanw --- dongzenn, ham' jyr diongyc laursux sna' viw, guaw kacc hnuahiw dirr dongrbudhngg qangjog.
Dirr jitt xee jinwter liongxlann ee jinghongw ha, lingqamw hionghiongg kiw dinxdang , nacc m tak rix neh? Qiquair jit diamw ixjaw lenn sniu marr byy sniu .quer, a'jow si isux, kyxlingg jitt xee guan'inx, guaw duiww isux itdit u vaitig. “byy beh duer langg' buexliux ” si qingxqair jurqiw ee ue. Jitmaw kiokk qra qaqi qongw, yc rix jiwjiyw erdangr ham' kyhak qetenn, jyr guaw qac'ir jyr ee dairjir ar. Ihak huanruii marr jin' kuah, ixau beh juanbunn jyr dycc hongbin, qihue marr jin' je. Aurlaii guaw kingxding suanw liauw kyhak, cunx ee bunrdee si, beh anxjnuaw sidjen? Guaw diyhh cue jurqiw ee sing'uahhuir, narr byy jnii, dyrr benw kir guarqog tak dairhak, dyrr byy hxuad did diyc kyhak hunwlen, anne e jniajyr vnuawtangxsaix. Qycc qongw, guaw u hro dongyc/ laursux byy qac'ir guaw ee digjid, dongzenn byy kyxlingg cue diyc erdangr jicii guaw ee janwjorjiaw. Incuw, siongrr buew suanxdnia ihak, simjingg kiokk byy qaiww songxkuair, jongxsi qamxqag m si binrduir sing'uac ee jit hxang hyw su, knuar byy cuttuad ee hibang. M quanw anxjnuaw, qiwzenn quatding, qex jiokk kinsangx ar.
INGXUANW EE SNIWMIA DIRR ZI-HY ZINQEH
Qycc laii, taukag tniar ee bunrdee laii ar : duiww dyhh tec jit vid jnii? Vaxvah qandna' erdangr hro guaw jit vorhun, ix hiongr Basel sincingw hro guaw dingrqii sing'uac dintiab, guaw qamxqag jin' qenwsiaur/ m si qniax sangwhiongx ho'ngg jaix, si guaw ithiongr siongsinr soxu “dingxjann” ee langg/ soxu qongxue “sngwue” ee langg, longxx duiww guaw u singqenr/ qingwzenn virr pejunw neh! Guaw jurlaii byy qitai ui' inx hiax did diyc sniaw hyxkangx :ee, henxzenn sriu vaxvah miasniax ee diwimr, ix si jit xee zinjuu/ simhingx kuikuah ee langg. Guaw qamxqag jurqiw ham' ix uanjuann byy qang, sidjer-siong, duiww jurqiw py u nng jiongw byy qang ee quanliam, ui' id-hy zinqeh ee ganw-diongx knuar .laii, qamxqag jurqiw si jit xee ham' langg byy qaiww sna' qab/ byy logquanx/ tenhun diongdingw/ u iaxsimx ee siauwlenn/ byy sriu sokvak ee kiwjid/ taiwdo aiwmai/ jit sii tenjinx zedjingg/ jit sii qycc si ginxaw-singr iong'i sitbang/ siongrr cimdimm ee vunxjid si jit xee inxsu/ huanxkexbongg juxgi. Lingrgua jit bin, zi-hy zinqeh qra id-hy zinqeh knuawjyr si jit jiongw kunwlann/ liauw kuiwlat qycc byy ho'ngg hnuahiw ee dyrdig zimrbu, si diyh'air ixx moxjiongw hongsid tongquer kyxcir ee kywdingg, qycc in'ui si jit dnxua siqanx vindnua/ byy loriong/ siaudimm/ byy langg zinruii u qewdat ee sniurhuad, dairjir kiokk u huisiongg byy sikdongx ee zedjingg/ iong'i siongsinr ving'iuxjingg/ cenxqenr/ penqenr/ gongrdaix (sowhak-siong)/ byy liauxqaiw langg'/ dethak bunrdee ee knuawhuad byy bingkag, hunwluan; m si singsit ee qidokqauwdoo/ byy qitnax sinwgiongw ... dringw kiamwsid venr qaxx jin' hogjap. zi-hy zinqeh qinvunw byy sniaw bingkag ee singwqeh, si ingxjunn ee sniwmia/ cutsir/ uac lehh/ siw .kir, jip itcer dirr ittew, jit jiongw vauxquad soxu ee sing'uac huanwngiaw. suibongw simlai jaix qaxx jin' cingcyw, kiokk byy hxuad ixx dimdang/ imamr ee id-hy zinqeh jyr dionglangg laii viauxdat jurqiw, suibongw jin' qitai anne jyr. dng' zi-hy zinqeh kia dirr jipuer derui sii, id-hy zinqeh virr vauquad jairlai, kamr byy .kir .ar; huanw quer laii qongw, id-hy zinqeh marr qra zi-hy zinqeh knuawjyr jit xee lairvo oamr ee kuhik.
Zi-hy zinqeh qamxqag, zimrhyy erdangr siongxsiong ee viauxdat hongsid, dyrr cniurr danr dirr sewqair siongrr hng ee vnix :a, dingxguann ee jit der jiyhtauu, juewau byy sniax byy sueh lag zip byhan ee oamr-diongx. Vutqyr dirr ix srinx-siong, qongbingg kia dirr tongxdi uirdir, cniurr ongqiongx-lai kuankongr ee dua tnxiax, quann ~ ee mngtangx ingwjiyr diyc qimsig zidtauu, jiax si iwgi/ ligsuw ee jiaplenn, ham' kuanqingw byy jinsit ee jiapciog, ham' id-hy zinqeh sing'uac-diongx byy lencuanr ee gnoxzenn hingsingg qionglet duiwviw. Lingrgua jit bin, zi-hy zinqeh qamxqag jurqiw amwdiongx ham' “Fruast” soxx texhen ee diongsewqiw itdir/ cniurr quewkir ee jit jiongw uisanw/ henxzenn dirr Goethe simqnuadew qionglet dinxdong byy tingg/ Goethe zinrding si jit jiongw sidsiongr --- jex duiww guaw si jit jiongw siongr dua ee an'uir. Zinrbad diyc “Fraust” duiww guaw ee iwgi, hro guaw dua diyhqniax, ngiaa quer Sxingr Iokhanr kyxair ee hokimsux --- “Fraust” u moxjiongw didjiab jok'iong guaw qamxjingg ee mic. Sxingr Iokhanr soxx qongw ee qidog dirr guaw knuar .laii, henxzenn quaiwqii, qyckacc quair ee si qitnax quiw vunw hokimsux soxx qongw ee hitt xui qiuwsewjuw. Lingrgua jit bin, “Fraust” cavutdyx si zi-hy zinqeh, guaw siongsinr, Fraust si Goethe uirr ix ee sidai soxx jywcud ee dap'anr. Jitt jiongw dunwgno m na an'uir liauw guaw, qycc hro guaw kacc dua luersimx andingrqamw qapp guaw sriok zinlui siarhue ee qamxqag. Guaw byy qycc qolip/ m si quaiwzinn/ m si janzimw dairjurzenn giyhciyr duiwsiong/ hogjiongg qingwsinr Goethe jniajyr guaw ee qauwhu.
Dairiog jitt sii, guaw jyr jit xee bang, hnaxqniax guaw, marr qoxbuw liauw guaw.
Bang-diongx, guaw kia dirr jit xee m jaix miaa ee soxjai, oamr dar qaxx qe ~ ~, qiongbingw ee dua hongx itdit saur .quer .laii, guaw tongwkow/ jniwhongx ban ban hiongr jingg qniaa, siwjiuuii dang bu uaw .quer .laii, guaw qra siangciuw jyr jit xee aux-aw hxingg, laii horue jit pax suisii e srid .kir ee siyw dingx. Itcer longxx cuxquad dirr, si m si erdangr vryw diauu huew be huax .kir. Hionghiongg, guaw qamxqag kajiacqu u jit xee mic jniawbin duiww guaw uaxqin. Huee tauu .jit .knuar, jit xee huisiongg hiongdua ee o'ngiaw duer dirr aurbin. Suibongw guaw qiongbecc qniax .siw, kiokk jin' cingcnew iwsig .diyc, u huihiamw ar, guaw itding diyhh kakvyw jitt pax huew, dorquer jitt xee qonghongx ee amwmee.
Jingsinn au, guaw sui' iwsig .diyc bang-diongx o'ngiaw dyrr si “Brocken quixhunn (Specter of Brocken)”, siyw dingx jiywsia quer guaw jurqiw ee ngiaw, dausia dirr qau bu-dingw vuesec. Guaw jaix, jitt pax dingx si guaw ee iwsig/ ui'id jit pax huew/ guaw ee lixqaixlik si guaw iongxiuw ui'id jaihur/ siongrr dua jaihur. Ham' oamr sna' vixping, jitt pax dingx suibongw ser qycc cuiwziok, iuguann si jit pax huew/ ui'id ee dingx.
Jitt xee bang hro guaw jin' dua ee kexsi, qaur dnaxx guaw jiacc jaix, id-hy zinqeh dyrr is hitt xee tec dinghuew :ee/ zi-hy zinqeh cniurr ngiaw qinsuii/ guaw ee zimrbu si horue dingx, mair huee tauu knuar hitt xee ingxjunn ee sniwmiarlat/ henxzenn si jit jiongw byy qang ee qngx soxx jiyr/ qimwjiw langg dac zip ee ongqog. Guaw diyhh jnxir qionghongx hiongr jingg qniaa, hongx vniawmia sag guaw kir byhan oamr ee sewqair; jit xee langg dirr hiax, duliauw surbut ee viauxsiong, sniaw marr byy iwsig .diyc. Id-hy zinqeh ee qaksig, diyh'air qniaa hiongr jingg --- rair hagsip/ tanr jnii/ hu qokk jiongw jikzim/ sriu qokk jiongw tualui/ hodoo/ zimxziok/hu dang dnar/ qinglik sitvai ... dringw. Qra guaw sag tewau ee qonghongx si siqanx/ vutduan lrauu hiongr quewkir/ dirr aurbin duer diauu diauu/ jit qrow hiongdua ee kiplat/ huisiongg tamsimx qra itcer u sniwmia ee mic kib .zip .kir/ jixu jin juanlik hiongr jingg mairjinr, jiacc jiamrsii dytuad mojiangw. Quewkir jinsit junjai lehh, si'angw narr si berdangr u buanxir ee dap'anr laii vryw diauu jurqiw ee sniwmai, dyrr vnuawlo virr jac .lyc .laii.
Guaw ee sewqaiwquanx jaiww crur qauw-jap dxo juanxhiongr : cingcyw zinrbad, guaw ee lo ixqingx byy hxuad qaixvenr tonghiongr guarjai sewqair/ si jinwzip libtew iuxhan kuhik/ oamr-diongx. Dirr guaw knuar .laii, Adam itding bad ixx jitt jiongw hongsid likuix Edam huehngg/ ixqingx jniajyr naxx iulingg/ suxx langg qniahniaa ee mic, dirr jiyhtauu dxuix ee toxde-siong, qui' sinkux dang qnua jycsid, dendyww si Adam zinruii kinkyw ee qangjog.
IRQYR BIRLAII EE DONGLENN QINGGIAM
Dng' guaw mng jurqiw “ anne ee bang dauwdew si ui' dyhh laii?” jingg, bad lixsow-dongzenn zinruii si didjiap ui' siongrder hiax sangr .laii ee. Jitmaw guaw kipsiux liauw dairliong zinrbatlun quandiamw, jiacc vutditvud huaigii, vixzuu, langg' qongw guaw ee dunwgno si qingquer jit dnxua jin' dngg siqanx jiacc ban ban singsik, zenau ixx bang ee hingsid ciongpuar sokvak. Jinjniar ee bunrdee dirr, uirsniaxmic e huatsingx jitt xee quewdingg? Uirhyy ixx iwsig ee hingsid tudpuar? Guaw vingrr byy diauqangx jyr zimrhyy dairjir laii qasog jitt jiongw huatdenw; sianghuanw, guaw ee dongjingsimx iong dirr lingrgua jit bin. Incuw dirr jiaxee qingxsiong ji' au itding u moxjiongw mic decc kiw jok'iong/ moxjiongw lixdir/ iacc si dirr lixdir-siong ciauuat guaw ee mic. Dirr iwsig qngjiyr-ha, luersimx ongqog ixx jit xee hiongdua ee ngiaw henxhenr .cud .laii, jex huisiongg digvet ee sniurhuad m si guaw jurhuad sniu .diyc ee mic. Jitmaw, tudzenn qranx, guaw bingvik jerje quewkir byy hxuad qaixsueh ee dairjir --- digvet si venrnarr qanwjiap qongw diyc hro langg' lensiongw diyc luersimx ongqog ee zimrhyy dairjir sii, langg' ee binriongg dyrr ee piaux quer pnaiw sinkir/ souanw lingxbin simsinn.
Guaw jin' cingcyw, itding diyhh qra zi-hy zinqeh danr driau. Mrqyxx dirr zimrhyy jinghongw-ha, guaw qamxx qaix hiongr jurqiw hiyxzin ix/ suanqyr ix si byy hau? Jex dingxii cetdng jurqiw kaciuw, qycc e hro guaw sitkir qaixsueh jiaxee bang kixguann ee kyxlingsingr. Dirr guaw simdiongx, zi-hy zinqeh bygii ham' bang ee jewjy u moxjiongw quanhe/ zinruii ix kuriuw qydo diwhui/ qamxqag jurqiw jiamrr ham' id-hy zinqeh itdir (Identical), jitt jiongw jongrtair qycc huanw quer laii jniajyr kacc qiongg lixqaixlik ee zi-hy zinqeh ee jit vorhun, incuw, guaw qycc qamxqag jurqiw ham' ix byy qycc itdir ar. Ix si jit xee iulingg/ jinglingg, erdangr ham' oamr sewqair duiwkongr/ kia dirr vutvai ee uirdir. Jex si guaw decc jyr jitt xee bang jingg m jaix :ee, dyrr dirr jitt sii (huesiongw .kiw .laii guaw kaksinr si anne), jixsirr hohamr iwsig diyc ix, suibongw jurlaii jingqamw-siong dyrr zinrbad ix, si benw huaigii :ee.
M quanw jnuaxngiu, guaw ham' zi-hy zinqeh ji' qranx sanxsingx liauw hunlec, qetqyw, “guaw” virr jixpair hro id-hy zinqeh, ham' zi-hy qeckuix, zi-hy did diyc doglip ee zinqeh. Guaw vingrr byy qra ix ham' zimrhyy bingkag ee qywsingr kanlenn jywhuew, jitt jiongw qywsingr si iulingg kyxlingg e u ee; guaw dirr jngkax duarhanr, jitt jiongw kyxlingsingr vutqaix qiquair jiacc driyc. Dirr jngkax, langg e knuar jinghongw siongsinr, naxx driyc/ sidjer si cywgo ee surbut. Iuxquanx jitt xee jinglingg ui'id/ bingkag ee digdingx si u ligsuxsingr ee digsingr --- siqanx ee endngsingr, kacc bingvik qongw, ix si byy siqansingr ee. Dongzenn, guaw vingrr be anne qra jurqiw qongw, ix ee junjai marr byy zimrhyy quanliam. Dirr guaw id-hy zinqeh junjai ee vuerqingw, ix u jit jiongw diongriaur ee jok'iong; jurlaii byy bingkag hanrdnia/ kiokk qycc kaksit junjai.
Ginxaw duiww jiuuii kuanqingw-diongx bongx byy/ iyh byy surbut ee huanxingr jin' bingw, ngiaa quer duiww duarlangg qongxue ee huanxingr jerje. Ginxaw e dirr amwiwsig nirr hro jurqiw sik'ingr, incuw dirr ix srinx-siong sanxsingx jiongxjiongw voxsiongw/ simrjiww dirr guaw kixtauu zidongg siqii dyrr jiamrr u digding ee jongqaur quanliam, marr si jit jiongw jurhuad ee sanxbut, guaw zinruii si guaw duiww verbuw ee kuankingw/ sidai-jingsinn jywcud huanxingr. Aurlaii vaxvah kuthok dirr jongqaur qokk jiongw huaigii-ha, jurzenn diyhh qinglik jin' dngg siqanx ee venwhuar. Jurqiw/ jingxqyy sewqair huatsingx qaixvenr, ingxhiongw dyrr e luixjig jauxhiongr; siqanx zuxx dngg, vaxvah iwsig ee simdir zuxx huanxkongr hitt xee uix/ ix ee irqamw hro ix simx henw jre be jai ee jongrtair/ jiongxjiongw damw damw vut'anx tuann qaur guaw srinx-siong, anne sniu, dyrr byy sniaw qiquair ar.
Guaw jurlaii byy zinruii jiaxee ingxhiongw laijurr maxmah, ix si ixx moxjiongw hongsid dingwqinx dirr byhingg ee toxde-siong/ guaw zinruii juadduir m si ix duiww qidokqaur ee kensingg/ si ixx moxjiongw ham' dongrbut ciurbak snuaqunn cauxvox kelauu ... kanlenn jywhuew; soxu jex itcer, ham' ix sinwgiongw qidog ee quarviauw/ iho sinwgiongw ee jywhuad hingsingg siongrr qibiau ee duiwviw. Jitt xee vuerqingw ham' guaw jurqiw ee taiwdo sikdongx sna' duiwingr, byy jyrsingg guaw be hyxser, dendyww hro guaw jit jiongw anjuanqamw, jniajyr guaw erdangr kia jai dirr qensit derbin ee ligliong. Guaw m bad qamxqag jitt xee qicow si “guarvangqaur :ee”. Maxmah zi-hy zinqeh dirr jitt jiongw ciongdut-diongx hro guaw siongrr qiongg/u lat ee jicii/ hitt sii jitt xee ciongdut ixqingx dirr vaxvah ee tuantongw, ham' guaw virr qikle, soxx congwjy cud vutkyxsugi ee amwiwsig/ u jok'ingrlat ee sanxbut ji' qranx denxkuix.
Hueqor quewkir, guaw knuar cud donglenn qinglik ixqingx irqyr guaw ee huatdenw/ uirr beh sik'ingr vaxvah dirr jongqaur sinwgiongw ee vangvai, iuxquanx jitt xee sewqair pywhairsingr ee sinx huathen ... dringw jiongxjiongw jinghingg cringx cud jit diauu dyrlo/ lanw bingvik sinx huathen, m si jit ~ nng zit dyrr hingsingg e kiw laii ee, si dngquw ee ingxhiongw. Suibongw zinlui iongxiuw qywzinn sing'uac, kiokk marr si jit jiongw jibtew jingsinn dairviauxjiaw/ hisingjiaw/ ciokjinwjiaw. Lanw kyxlingg jit siwlangg longxx zinruii, jurqiw ithiongr vin' vunxlingg jyr su, ingxuanw be huathen, dirr dysor jinghongw-ha, lanw vutqyr si sewqair buxdaii huah i'yx :ee ziiw. Suibongw lanw m jaix, mrqyxx jiongxjiongw insor hro lanw ee sing'uac bydix-byqag sriu ingxhiongw, in'ui byy hro lanw caqag .diyc, ingxhiongw tingdo qyckacc dua. Lanw ee sniwmia jiwjiyw u jit vorhun si sing'uac dirr quixarr sewqiw-lai ee, jitt vorhun qandna' hro lanw jurqiw liriong, dyrr si “zi-hy zinqeh”/ m si qywzinn ee cittymic, sehongx jongqaur erdangr jingwsit, ix bingkag qra jurqiw daujur qaur simx lairbin/ dirr nng-cingx nii ee siqanx lai, jinrlik hro ix zinrbad lanw ee viauxbin iwsig “benw kir guarbin cue, jinliw dirr simlai.”
SINHAK GIUW KUIX GUNW VERQNIAW
1892~94 nii qranx, guaw ham' vaxvah u quer jit quaw siongdongx zedlet ee tyxlun. Ix bad dirr Gottingen yc quer danghongx gixgenn, qycc jiurr Alaxveh vanw ee “Soxlybunn ee quax (Song of Songs, si Quriog ee Gnaxqyx)” siaw liauw lunrbunn. Duer diyc juewau jit crur ee kyxcir, ix ingiau ee zidjiw marr qaur jam ar. Cuxau, ix dirr gixgenn ee jaihuaa dyrr kamr byy .kir/ jit xee jngkax bogsux/ lag zip kir qamxsiongx lixsiongxjuxgi nirr/ nngr zip dairhak ngqimx sidai ee huesiongw-lai/ vyxliuu dairhak iong ee dngg huncuex vog hrunx/ huathen hun'inx byy iycsniu-siong hiacc bixbuanw/ jyr jerje hyw su, qetqyw ho'ngg jin' siurkir. Verbuw inx jin' sniu beh quer kensingg ee sing'uac, mrqyxx nng langg caxnau ee dairjir sidjai taiww jiap. Jiaxee kunwlann longxx erdangr lixqaiw, aurlaii kiokk longr puar ix ee sinwgiongw.
Hitt sii, ix ee jiaujyx/ vutbuanw jiamrr jingqax, guaw jin' quansimx ix ee jongrhongw. Maxmah siamxkuix itcer kyxlingg ciwqik ix ee dairjir/ qirjuat ham' ix uanqex. Suibongw guaw qamxqag jex si siongrr hyw ee vanrhuad, guaw iuguann kongwjer be diauu jurqiw ee singwde. Ix honghuew dyc sii, guaw sui' diamrjing mair qongxue, dirr ix kacc hykir sii, e sethuad ham' ix qaudamm, hibang jaix ix luersimx ee sniurhuad/ duiww jurqiw ee liauxqaiw. Dirr guaw knuar .laii, huaigii ham' ix sinwgiongw u quanhe ee dairjir decc jetbuaa ix/ ix byir-diongx ee amwsi, kakding ix dng' zimxsiu jongqaur-siong sanxsingx jiongxjiongw huaigii ee koxcow/ Ix byy did diyc vit'iaur ee texgiam. Ui' gunw tyxlun-diongx, huathen ix kaksit kiamr texgiam, guaw tec cud ee bunrdee, ix ee dab huhap sinhak quihuan/ itdir/ byy uahlik, u sii bukyxnairhyy cingr jit xe qingqah, hro guaw qamxqag jin' maudunw. Guaw byy liauxqaiw uirsniaw ix m liac uanqex ee qihue, ham' henrjong tywhiap. Bingvik gauw ee puepnuar hro ix jin' siongsimx/ byy qycc sniu beh ham' ix jyr qenwsetsingr damue. Ix qingwzenn byy qinglik quer duiww siongrder ee texgiam (jex si soxu texgiam-diongx siongrr u lat :ee), sidjai lann siongxsiong.
Guaw bad zinrbatlun (Epistemology)be jiyw, bingvik jitt jiongw diwsig si byy hxuad jingwbingg :ee; qyckacc cingcyw, jex cniurr honghunx anghee ee suiw/ kiongxvor ee oia, longxx benw jingwbingg. Guaw bad covun sethuad tuandat jiaxee binghenw ee jinliw, muaxvag hibang ham' ix jywhuew dnax kiw berdangr piacbenw ee jaieh. Ix itding beh ham' langg' ruanx, suanw cur-lai ee langg/ ix jurqiw. Uirhyy m suanw jitt xui imdimm ee congwjyrjiaw siongrder neh? Jixu Ix jiacc qaix uirr sxer-siong ee koxlan hurjig ar! Siongrder kingxding e hro ix jyr qibiau/ cimkig ee bang; guaw byy qra Ix cingxqiuu, Ix dyrr hro guaw jyr liauw quatding miarun ee bang. Jex si jit xee diongrdua ee viwbit, guaw m qnaw/ marr byy hxuad qra vaxvah dngbin ciangr jit diamw. Ix narr erdangr lixqaiw iuxquanx siongrder didjiab texgiam, guaw dyrr ersaih qongw bingg. Ham' ix ee qaudamm-diongx, jurlaii byy cimzip .quer, simrjiww m bad qniaa qaur e duw diyc jitt lui bunrdee ee huanruii, guaw jongxsi ixx huisimlixhak/ lixdir ee hongsid laii cuxliw, jinrliong piackuix qamxjingg bin. Jitt xee honghuad muixx jit vaiw cniurr binrduir guqangw ee angvor, suacc hro guaw byy hxuad lixqaiw koxnauw ee huanxingr. Guaw sidjai byy hxuad bingvik, jit jiongw uanjuann habliw ee jneven qingwzenn e inxkiw qamxjingg-siong dexjer hing'uii.
Jiaxee byy qetqyw ee tyxlun suacc qig kiw gunw verqniaw horsiong ee hunwno, vutditvud hongwkir, qokk langg bih zip jurqiw ee jurviqamw-lai. Sinhak giuw kuix gunw ee qirlii, jiamrr souanw hng .kir. Guaw byy qodok, hnuaw hnuaw qamxqag vaxvah kuthog miarun, ix qodnuax/ byy ving'iuw kaiqangw/ jiwjiyw dirr sigsai langg nirr cue byy jit xee sinwzim ee duiwsiong/ jex hro guaw zinruii si guaw ee sitvai.
U jit vaiw, tniax diyc ix decc qidyw, vniawmia beh vyxiuw jurqiw ee sinwgiongw. Hro guaw simlai naxx dedang/ qycc siurkir, jnuaxngiu ix si jiacc byy iyc rix! Jriax zip qauwhue/ sinhak susiongw/ qra guanvunw erdangr didjiab jiapqin siongrder ee itcer tonglo longxx trad .kiw .laii, qycc byy siuw sinwiong vangwsag ix/ hro ix vuec be kiw .laii. Dnaxx guaw jiongbuew bingvik hitt vaiw texgiam siongrr cimkig ee ham'ir : siongrder vunxlangg ixqingx qirjuat uirr sinhak/ qenwlip sinhak jiwsiong ee qauwhue hu zimrhyy jikzim. Mrqycc siongrder qycc kuanliong jitt jiongw sinhak, cniurr ix kuansiar vadd ee surbut qang. Guaw zinruii, langg qaix uirr jiongxjiongw huatdenw hu jikzim sidjai si kyxciyr! Langg dauwdew si sniaxmic neh? “inx cniurr qxauw-qniaw, cutsir dyrr caur hni/ cnemee. Guaw sniu “ siongrder soxu ee jyrbut, qandna' u bongbu ee jit diamw qngx, jitt sud aw qngx juadduir berdangr hro inx bongcue qniaa hiongr binrjingg hitt pxenr oamr.” qangrkuanw kaksinr, guaw soxx zinrbad ee sinhagqax byy jit xee bad cinbak qnir .quer “ jiyr qngx jitt pxenr oamr ee qngbingg”/ zuqyw inx kaksit knuar .quer/ dyrr byy kyxlingg kir qiur “sinhak ee jongqaur” ar; jitt xee jongqaur dirr guaw knuar .laii, huisiongg kiamwdiamw :ee, si ix ham' jitt jiongw byy quanhe, kiokk rair langg' byy hibang ee siongsinr. Jex si vaxvah ixjaw jin juanlik junsiuw ee/ qetqyw longr diyc viah/ simrjiww byy hxuad vyxho jurqiw, jysiu jingsinkyx isux kyxciyr ee budjitjuxgi cimhuan. Budjid juxgi/ sinhak siy' qang, si uirr langg siongrsinr ee mic, jixsirr iong dirr sionghuanw ee iwgi-siong. Guaw viw ixjingg zimrhyy sihau qyckacc kaksinr, jitt nng xee longxx kiamr zinrbatlun ee puepnuar/ texgiam.
Vaxvah zinruii, jingsinkyx isux ixqingx dirr langnauw-diongx huathen moxjiongw mic/ jingwbingg dirr simlingg (Mind) junjai ee soxjai jixu budjid, jit sud aw dyrr qnir byy sinlingg ee mic. Vaxvah jitt jiongw sniurhuad si in'ui ix irqamw, narr si guaw tak ikyx, guaw qaix ixx siongrtenx miagi jiuwjua --- juadduir m jniajyr jit xee budjitjuxgirjiaw. Jitt jiongw qingxqyr duiww guaw iwbi diyc, guaw qaix sniaw longxx byy siongsinr, in'ui budjitjuxgirjiaw siongsinr :ee si inx jurqiw ee dingrgi, ham' sinhagqax qangrkuanw siongsingr jurqiw ee dingrgi ; vaxvah sidjai u qraur kyxlingg, tiaur cud iudniaw qycc jongg zip huexknex, guaw iwsig .diyc, ix ee sinwgiongw bad okdok congwdi ix, marr hilang quer guaw bad :ee dysor u qauwiongw ee langg. Sinwgiongw siongrr dua ee quewqyr si vaitig ginggiam. Sinhagqax jnuaxngiu e jaix, siongrder iuxir anvaii moxjiongw surbut, qycc “hixkyw” vadd surbut junjai neh? Jingsinn isux qycc anxjuanw e jaix budjid marr junjai langg simlingg jiongxjiongw digsingr neh? Guaw narr kuthok dirr budjitjuxgi, dongzenn be u sniaw huihiamw, vaxvah dyrr byy itding lor. Henxzenn, u langg jiurr “amwsi (Suggestion)” ham' ix qongw liauw sniaw, guaw huathen ix decc tak Bernheim(1840-1919) iuxquanx Freud qaixsueh “amwsi” ee duwjog. Jex si jit xee sinx qycc diongriaur ee kixtauu, ixjingg vaxvah duliauw siyxsuad/ samvutgorsii knuar quaw luxiuu qiwsu ixgua, vadd jiongw ceh longxx m knuar; itcer u jo lixqaiw/ u cuwbi ee ceh longxx si qimwjiw ee huanruii lai. Mrqycc knuar jingsinn ikyx hongbin ee ceh qinvunw berdangr hro ix kuaiwlok, ix ee siaudimm simjniaa zuxx laii zuxx jiap/ qioglet, ix qyckacc huaigii jurqiw u vne, lensuar quixarr nii, ix itdit baiuanr qokk jiongw uirdngg vnerjingr, mrqycc isux dyrr si qiamxjax be cud u sniaw movne. Qycc laii, ix qongw “vakdow qetjiyc”. Vutjiw dngg ee jit dnxua siqanx gunw longxx byy zinrjinx knuawtai, aurlaii isux marr huaigii ar. Jitt sii iokk 1895 nii zuac .langg.
Hitt nii cuntnix, guaw ixqingx jinwzip Basel dairhak. Itsingx ui'id qamxqag iamwsen ee siqii --- qydiongx sing'uac qetsog ar, qniaa hiongr hagsut juriuu ee qimsig duarmngg/ hiax duarmngg kuix qaxx kuix ~ ~ decc danw .guaw. Jitmaw, guaw erdangr jimjiog tniax dairjurzenn ee jinliw ar, jiwjiyw iuxquanx dairjurzenn siongrr qinvunw ee jinliw. Guaw jiong' e yc diyc iuxquanx langg ee qaixpywhak/ simlixhak, jiangxag qokk jiongw vnerjingr siangquanx diwsig. Qycc virr puejunw qazip vaxvah ixjingg soxx sriok ee hniadirhue. Dirr guaw id nii sii, vaxvah qnuaw laii camqax hniadirhue qixvan ee uahdang, derdiamw dirr Markgrafen --- jit xee putyjiuw sanwde, qycc dirr hiax huatviauw jit dniuu gongrsniu ee enxqangw. Hro guaw anuir ee si, dairhak sidai ee kuaiwlok, dirr ix ee enxqangw-diongx jaiww crur henr .cud .laii. Guaw duxx hitt sii jiacc zinrbad .diyc : dirr ix cutgiap hitt sii, ix ee sing'uac dyrr tingjiw ar, jit siuw dairhak quakig ee quasuu dongsii dirr guaw hnirkangx vnix anne cniur:
lanw sertauu-sersinn mairhiongr
qimjnii siongpinw ee qoktow,
aixiyr! tniqongveh ar!
Itcer nacc e anne!
Jiaxee ue dua lat pah diyc guaw ee linghunn (Soul). Vaxvah dairhak id nii sii, marr si muaxvag zedjingg, ham' guaw jitmaw qang; sewqair duarmngg kuix .kuix, buhan ee diwsig jaivyw dirr bagjiux jingg, cniurr jitmaw he dirr guaw binrtaujingg qang. Aurlaii, itcer qodax, ciongbuanw simsngx, jex si jnuaxngiu huatsingx? Guaw cue byy dab/ kyxlingg cue diyc sniu' je dap'anr. Dirr hitt xee zuac .langg, limx quer putyjiuw au soxx huatviauw ee enxsuad si juewau jit vaiw hro ix tiaur cud hue'ig/ tiaur cud guanvunw sing'uac hitt dnxua siqanx ee qihue. Byy zuarr quw, ix ee qenrkongx okhuar, 1895 cxiux buew, vne be kixcngg, 1896 nii cex quewsinx.
Jitt zit, siongrkyr uann dngw laii cur jit cua, maxmah qongw “qycc si hitt xee hxingg, jin' ziok.” vaxvah jin' ser sniax qra maxmah qongxue, maxmah iong bagsinn tecnew guaw, ixqingx dirr hunbee jongrtair “ vaxvah sniu beh jaix liw si m si tongquer qokqax kyxcir.” guaw bingvik diyhh qongw vehcat. “tongquer ar, kyw liauw be baiw.” vaxvah narr vangr lyc dang dnar, tamr jit kauxkuir, bagjiux kreh .kiw .laii. Quer jit xe, guaw qycc zip kir jit vaiw, maxmah decc dnaxdiap qecviah vangqingx, vaxvah ee naauu qyc qyc ee sniax, guaw jaix, ix dngdecc singsiu quewsinx jingg ee kow, kia dirr jngg-vnix, virr jitt jiongw jingqingw bee diauu lehh, ixjaw m bad knuar langg dngrkuir, hionghiongg, tingjiw cuanxkuir, guaw danw, danw, danw xe jit huee ee cuanxkuir, mrqycc byy danw .diyc. Sniu kiw maxmah, jauw kir lingrgua jit qingx vangg, knuar diyc maxmah jre dirr txangx jingg ciah pongwsex. “ixqingx dirr hunbee ee sii ar” maxmah ham' guaw laii qaur cngg-vnix, knuar diyc vaxvah quewkuir ar, naxjunxx qamxqag jin' qibiau qongw “jex itcer quer qaxx jin' qinw ar!”
Qycc laii ee quiw zit, jixu iusiongx/ tongwkow, vingrr byy lauu zuarr je qiwig lyc laii. U jit vaiw maxmah iong ix zi-hy zinqeh snia'imx ham' guaw qongw/ kyxlingg si ham' ix jiuuii ee kongkir qongxue “ ix uirr liw qibsii quewsinx kir.” jitt qxur ee iwsur naxjunxx si “linw vingrr byy horsiong liauxqaiw, ix kyxlingg jniajyr liw ee jongwgai lor!” guaw jaix, jex si huhap maxmah id-hy zinqeh ee qongxhuad.
”uirr liw” jitt xee zirganw hro guaw dimdang ee dnaxqig, qamxqag ixongw ee jit siyw vorhun ixqingx ingxuanw qetsog. Dongsii, lamjuxhanr/ juriuu ee jit siyw vorhun kaisiw dirr guaw srinx-siong qakcnew. Vaxvah quewsinx au, guaw dyrr vnuax kir ix ee vangqingx/ cuxdai ix dirr cur ee derui. Vixzuu, guaw diyhh dagg lexvair qra cur-lai vit'iaur huiwiong qaux hro maxmah, guan'inx si maxmah berhiauw jipuer qadingg kaisiaux/ berhiauw lixjaii.
Vaxvah quewsinx lak lexvair au, duiww guaw cincniu jit dniuu bang. Ix e dudzenn kia dirr guaw binrjingg, qongw ix dorqar qetsog beh dngw .laii ar; ixqingx huehok qenrkongx, jitmaw dirr dngw .laii ee lo nirr. Guaw sniu, vnuax zip ix ee vangqingx, kyxlingg ix e tyxiar guaw. Mrqycc m si anne! Guaw iuguann qamxqag pnaixser, guan'inx si guaw siongxsiong ix ixqingx siw .ar. Nng zit au, guaw qycc bang diyc vaxvah, ix sintew hyw ar, dirr vnuawlo, liammix dyrr beh qaur cur ar, guaw jaiww crur jikvi jurqiw, in'ui guaw zinruii ix siw ar. Ixau, guaw vutduan mng jurqiw “ vaxvah dirr bang-diongx dngw .laii, ix ee hxingg qycc si hiacc jinx, jex dauwdew si sniaw iwgi neh?” jex si jit vaiw berdangr be qir .did ee texgiam, hro guaw derr id vaiw sukyx siw-au ee sing'uac.(derr jap-id jniux)
Vaxvah jid'err quewsinx, dyrr sanxsingx guaw qewsiok tak dairhak ee kunwlann ar. Maxmah jit quaw cinjniaa zinruii, guaw qaix kir jyr jit xee siyw jitguann, uicii gadingg kaisiaux. Sewhanr a'qu qongw beh janwjo maxmah/ in'ui ix byy crunx jnii/ cri be kiw jurqiw. A'jig dong'ir jiyh guaw haghuir/ itdit qaur dairhak cutgiap; cuxgua, guaw kyr jyr jorqaur/ ter jit xui nilau ee a'qox juanxbe ix soxx siujip ee siyw vorhun qoxdongw, tanr quaw sing'uahhuir.
Jitt dnxua sanwciah ee zidjiw berdangr vangr be qir .did, langg ongxongw dirr jitt sii jiacc zinrbad, dinsiyh vinghuann ee mic. E qir .did u jit vaiw, u langg sangr guaw jit ap sikgahunx (Cigar), vruee guaw qniaa quer nii-vnuar, in'ui guaw qandna' jrunw jurqiw dirr lexvaiwzit jiacc jiac jit qix, hnuahiw marr ensiok hiacc quw.
TEXGIAM SI SIONGRR DIONGRIAUR :EE
Guaw ee dairhak sing'uac si jit dnxua bixbiau ee sizit, ciongbuanw diwhui ee uahlik, marr qaux liauw jerje ving'iuw. Dirr hniadirhue ee quiw vaiw huergi guaw jiurr sinhak/ simlixhak jyr liauw quiw vaiw enxqangw, gunw jinwhingg quer jerje zedlet ee tyxlun, cniurr Schopenhauer/ Kant/ Cicero iubiw ee buntew, marr iwsinn sinhak/ dethak.
Dairhak qiqanx, guaw sriu jongqaur jin' dua ee kexhuad. U jit vaiw qihue, dirr gunw daux ham' vaxvah derkux juxqaur ee jit xui sinhagqax dramm, ix ee kauxjaii m na u miaa (jex si guaw ziog be diyc ee), qycc bat taur taur. Ui' ix hiax, guaw yc jerje iuxquanx qauwhue sinhu/ qauwquix ee ligsuw, ix qycc dairliyc qangxqaiw iuxquanx sinqaur sinhak ee sinx diwsig. A.Liltschl (1822-1889) ee sinhak dirr dongsii jin' liuhingg. Jitt jiongw sinhak ee ligsuw-sunkuanlun hro guaw qamxqag hunwno, digvet iong huexciax jyr vixqaur. Dirr hniadirhue ham' guaw jinwhingg je crur tyxlun ee sinhaghe hagsingx, duiww qidog itsingx ingxhiongw ligsuw ee jitt xee lixlun naxjunxx longxx qamxqag jin' buanxir. Mrqyxx jitt jiongw knuawhuad guaw m na zinruii gugong, qycc jit diamw aw dyrr byy uahlik, marr byy hxuad janrdongg dirr siongrder/ langg ee hiwqiok-diongx, qidog si quatdingrsingr qaksig ee jywhuad. Guaw zinruii jex juadduir uivue qidog vunxlangg ee quandiamw : sanxsingx ix ee singwlingg, e dirr ix siw au cuxdai dirr zinsewqanx ee derui.
Dirr guaw knuar .laii, singwlingg si byy hxuad siongxsiong siongrder ee huawsinx. Singwlingg ee jycuii m na qysiongw jonggiamm, qycc duar u cutqii/ simrjiww si suxx langg huaigii ee digsig/ qycc si Iahyhuaa (Yahweh) dig'iuw :ee; guaw tenjinx qra Iahyhuaa dingxii siongrder qidog hingsiong, si guaw jiapsiu qensinwlew sii virr anne qar :ee (jitt sii guaw iauxx m jaix, giamqeh qongw .laii, moquiw/ qidokqaur si dongsii sanxsingx :ee). Jruw Iasox duiww guaw laii qongw, si jit xee langg/ jit xee marr e huatsingx cywgno ee zinbut/ narr byy, si uirr singwlingg qongxue ziiw. Jitt jiongw byy sngr jniawtongw ee knuawhuad, ham' sinhak quandiamw li jin' hng, jurzenn hro langg' qamxqag berdangr lixqaiw. Guaw duiww jiaxee su ee sitbang jiamrr hro guaw venr qaxx bavir, zuxx jingwsit guaw ee knuawhuad : dirr jongqaur bunrdee, texgiam jiacc si diongriaur :ee.
Dairhak id nii sii, guaw huathen, kyhak suibongw packuix tonghiongr diwsig ee duarmngg, mrqyxx teqiongx jinjniar hiauxgo kiokk jin' jiyw, jingxtew laii qongw, hiauxgo u ix ee digsingr. Guaw tak dethak jokpinw-diongx gno .diyc, jingsinn (Psyche) ee junjai si jyrsingg jitt jiongw jingqingw ee guan'inx, byy jingsinn dyrr byy diwsig/ byy liauxgno. Mrqyxx quanhe jingsinn, jit zri dyrr byy qongw diyc, virr zinruii si lixsow-dongzenn ee, cniurr C.G.Carus, qandna' u dethagsid ee simsinn bingngiu, m si jinjniar ee liauxqaiw. Jitt jiongw genlun, guaw sidjai byy hxuad liongrqaiw.
Dirr derr zi hagqii buew, guaw qycc u sinx huathen/ sanxsingx diongrdua ee qetqyw. Jit xui dongyc vaxvah ee cecduix nirr hro guaw byir-diongx cue diyc jit vunw lunrsut jingsinn henrsiong ee siyw ceh, cid-jap nidai cutvanw. Qongw diyc simlinglun (Spiritualism) ee kixguann, jokjiaw si jit xee sinhagqax. Guaw kixtauu ee huaigii jin' qinw dyrr siausid ar, tudzenn guaw bingvik, ceh nirr soxx qongw :ee dysor laijurr donglenn sidai guaw dirr jngkax ciangjai tniax langg' qongw .diyc ee qowsu. Byy gibun, jailiau si kyxsinr :ee, mrqyxx jiaxee qowsu si m si kuriuw budjid ee jinsidsingr? Duiww jex diongrdua bunrdee ee huedab suibongw byy hro guaw buanxir, erdangr kingxding :ee, dirr qokk sidai, qangrkuanw ee qowsu dirr juann sewqair qokk soxjai diongrhok vywdy; qidiongx vitzenn u moxjiongw guan'inx, m si siwqer longxx u qangrkuanw ee jongqaur quanliam jitt xee enqor, jinghongw henxzenn m si anne. Sionghuanw, rair ham' langg ee jingsinn kecquanx hing'uii siy' kanlenn. Jiurr jingsinn kecquansingr, duliauw dethagqax ee qongxhuad, cue byy qitnax lunrdiamw.
Simlinglun ee quandiamw vutjiw hro guaw huaigii, jiurr kecquanx jingsinn henrsiong , si guaw soxx knuar .quer, derr id pruex ee qiwlok, Zoellner/ Crookes ... dringw ee miaa dirr guaw simdiongx lauu lyc cimkig inwsiong, soxu tec e diyc siongquanx ee ceh, guaw vniawmia jit diamw jit dih tak. Jin' jurzenn, guaw ham' ving'iuw qongw kiw, hro guaw diyhqniax ee si inx ee huanxingr : byy siongsinr/ giyhciyr/ marr u diyhqib jingven :ee. Qiquair ee si inx qingwzenn e kingxding quatduanr, cniurr quixhunn/ dyh-aw dinxdang si byy kyxlingg :ee; lingrgua jit bin, inx qycc viauxbingg jurqiw byy jyr zimrhyy viauxtair. Jiaxee vywdy juadduir kyxkyr, mrqyxx uirhyy vutqaix u quixhunn neh? Lanw jnuaxngiu erdangr jaix mow su si “ byy kyxlingg :ee”? Siongrr diongriaur ee si, jitt jiongw diyhqib viauxbingg taiwdo qycc u sniaw iwsur? Guaw qamxqag jex jiongxjiongw kyxlingsingr si jin' cuwbi kip'inw langg :ee/ e uirr guaw ee sing'uac jingqax jit xee sinx tende, sewqair jingqax liauw cimdo/ vuerqingw, kyxviw qongxx, bang qamxx kyxlingg ham' quixhunn u quanhe? Kant ee “jit xee knuar quer quixhunn :ee ee bang (Dreams of a Spirit Seer)” cutvanw qaxx jiacc duxhyw sijun, guaw marr jin' qinw huathen Karl Duprel ui' dethak/ simlixhak qakdo vinglun jiaxee quandiamw; guaw marr uew diyc Eschenmayer/ Passavant/ Justinuw/ Kerner/ Gorres ... dringw ee duwjog, ixqibb Swedenborg(1688-1772) ee cid vunw ceh.
Maxmah zi-hy zinqeh duiww guaw ee zedjingg viauxsi dongjingg, guaw bad soxu ee langg kiokk hro guaw qamxqag cinwsimx. Dirr jex ixjingg, guaw jixsirr drong diyc tuantongw quandiamw kixjy ee qau cniuu, jitmaw guaw longr diyc langg ee penqenr/ uanjuann hiyxzin u qycngiu ee kyxlingg surbut ee knuawhuad soxx kiw .kiw .laii ee qngr viah, simrjiww vauquad guaw siongrr cinqin ee ving'iuw/ inx zinruii jex itcer viw guaw juanjur dirr sinhak qyckacc camw. Guaw qamxqag jurqiw ixqingx qniaa qaur sewqair penuanw ee vnix-aw: qionglet kip'inw guaw :ee, duiww vadd langg kiokk si kanghix byliauu/ simrjiww qycc qamxqag kyxpnar.
Qniax sniaw? Guaw cue byy zimrhyy qaixsueh. Vitqingr hna quer kongqanx/ siqanx/ inqyw quanhe iuxhan huanrdiuu ee knuawhuad, si byy sniaw hongdongg/ diyhqniax/ qiquair :ee. Dongrbut erdangr irqamw dedang/ voghong'uw, jex si jiongww langg jaix :ee; irsenx knuar diyc mow quaw langg sixbongg ee bang, dirr langg siw hitt sii, sijingx tingg lyc laii/ huihiamw diyhqib sii, qniar puar .kir. Soxu jiaxee dairjir dirr guaw donglenn sii longxx virr zinruii lixsow-dongzenn, mrqyxx jitmaw, guaw kiokk jniajyr ui'id bad tniax quer jitt jiongw su ee langg. Jin' zinrjinx mng jurqiw, dauwdew guaw pinn pinn denx denx jongg zip kir sniaw sewqair? Jin' cingcyw ee si, doci sewqair byy bingvik jngkax sewqair, m bad snuaqunn/ ciurnaa/ kelauu sewqair, qyckacc m jaix dongrbut/ “siongrder susiongw” (cauxbok/ qokk jiongw qetjnex) ee henrsit sewqair --- jitt jiongw qaixsueh hro guaw susongw/ kinsangx, jicii liauw guaw ee jurjunx, guaw zinrbad .diyc, suibongw sniaci sewqair si hagsig vyxkor, jingsinn hongbin jin' iuxhan. Jitt jiongw dunwgno duiww guaw byy hyw/ ciangjai iuxqnuaiw guaw vuac zip kir jurzin iuuat/ byy sikdongr puepingg/ sangxkuir ee hamrjnew, hro langg' tyxiar guaw (jex si jurjyr jursiu!), qycc hro guaw dingsinx sanxsingx ixjaw ee huaigii/ jurvix/ simbun --- pen' pen' jitt jiongw jinghingg si guaw quatsimx, byy siyh itcer dairqer beh qaixvenr ee. Guaw byy guanrir kia dirr jitt xee sewqair ji' gua, hiangxsiu “guaw si jit xee quaiwzinn” jitt jiongw hro guaw be kamx .did ee qongxhuad.
NIETZSCHE SI ANXJNUAW NEH?
Qetsog dairhak zibmngg kywdingg au, guaw jniajyr qaixpywhak ee coqib jorliw, ji' au jit hagqii, sirhuan laursux hro guaw hurjig qangxqaiw jojithak --- duiww jex guaw jin' buanxir. Juxiaur ee cuwbi dirr jinwhuawlun (Evolutionary Theory)/ vixqaur-qaixpywhak (Comparative Anatomy), marr zinrbad sinx-singqilun (Neo-Vitalistic); siongrr kip'inw guaw ee si, huanruii siongrr kuacbin ee singbut hingtaiwhak (Morphological ) quandiamw, duxhyw ham' singlixhak (Physiqolgy) sianghuanw ; Singlixhak diyhh jinwhingg uahtew qaixpyr, hro guaw siongdongx huanxqamw, bogdig jixsirr sirhuan/ guaw itdit zinruii zedhueh dongrbut ham' langg luirsu, m si qandna' u lixdir ee dongrqix, jinrliong qiamxjiyw sirhuanrkyr/ suibongw lanw diyh'air iong dongrbut sidgiam, mrqyxx sidgiam ee qaixpyr sirhuan, guaw knuar .laii si jin' qniax langg, iaxbann, byy vit'iaur :ee/ jixiaur qinqir biysueh, guaw dy' erdangr siongxsiong cud qaixpyr ee jingxqyy quewdingg. Air dongrbut m si laijurr Schopenhauer detliw hitt jiongw Vudqaur-sid cuiwhuex ziiw, si kia dirr jit jiongw guansiw iwhiongr ee cimjann qicow --- lanw amwiwsig ham' dongrbut itdir. Dongzenn, hitt sii duiww jitt xee diongriaur simliw sursit, guaw uanjuann m jaix. Singlixhak hro guaw jiacc huanxqamw, kyxcir singjig dongzenn byy kyxlingg e zuarr hyw, jongxsngr qibqeh quewquanx.
Qycc laii nng hagqii si limcngg hagsip, guaw byingg qaxx jin' hnuahiw! Cavutdyx byy siqanx knuar qitnax ee ceh; Lexvaiwzit jiacc u siqanx knuar Kant/ Eduard von Hartmann(1842-1906) ee duwjog. U jit dnxua siqanx Nietzsche marr si dirr guaw ee qewue-lai, itdit byy kaisiw, si guaw qamxqag jurqiw iauxx byy junxvi cionghunx. Hitt sii ix sriu jerje langg ee tyxlun, pixsniur je quer ylyw :ee, tyxlunrjiaw kacc je si qongxx inx iongxiuw dethak kuanuix :ee; ui' inx ee tyxlun-diong, guaw erdangr tuisiongw ix dirr qyjann zinsu-diognx diksid zuarr je/ zuarr cimx lehh, qidongx miasniax siongrr quann ee hagjiaw si J.Burckhardt/ ix ee puepingg siwqer knuar e diyc. Dairhak-lai u quaw bad Nietzche :ee, siwqer vangr hongsniax/ qongw hurbin ee ing'axue, dysor langg qinvunw byy tak .quer ix ee ceh, kacc pruex dyrr si guarviauw quaiwpiah, vixzuu: paiwtauu cox/ dnuaa qngxkimm juser/ buntew kuakauw --- jiaxee hro dongsii u derui ee Basel langg qamxqag jin' gairgiyc. Guaw kacc ban tak ix ee ceh m si jiaxee guan'inx/ qisit hurbin ee puepnuar huathuix siongrr qionglet ee tuisag jok'iong. Guaw qniax jurqiw kyxlingg e ham' ix gang, jiwjiyw dirr ”viwbit” hongbin, ham' siwjiuuii ee langg/ kuanqingw qeclii. U si'angw jaix neh? --- kyxlingg ix u quer luersimx jiongxjiongw texgiam/ dunwgno/ iwdoo dramm/ kiokk huathen byy langg u linglik lixqaiw, jin' binghenw, ix jerjiyw virr zinruii si quaiwbut/ virr dairjurzenn giyhciyr ee duiwsiong; bylun dirr sniaw jinghongw-ha, guaw longxx byy sniu beh qniaa ix ee aurvo, guaw quawsimx jurqiw kyxlingg e virr vig singzin, si lingrgua jit xee quaiwzinn. Dongzenn ix si qauwsiu/ siaw liauw jit dua vunw qycc jit dua vunw ee qau ceh, did diyc siongxsiong be qaur ee miasniax. Mrqycc ix ham' guaw qang, si bogsux ee qniaw; byy qang :ee si, ix cutsir dirr qoktow kongwkuah ee Dikqog, guaw jixvutqyr si jit xee Swiss langg/ cutsinx si dirr penpiah siyw dinr/ anhun siuxqiw ee bogsux qadingg. Ix qongw :ee si iugnaw ee Dikqiw, bad Ladingbunn/ Hellene bunn/ kyxlingg qycc u Frans/ Italy/ Spain qokk qog ee gixgenn, guaw u vaxag/ unriong e hyxser ee ui'id ee gixgenn qandna' Waggis-Basel honggenn. Ix iongxiuw jerje inghenw ee mic, virr dongwjyr quaiwzinn byy sniaw quanhe, mrqyxx guaw juadduir berdangr hro langg huathen guaw u zuarr cniurr ix lehh!
M quanw simliw u quaw iusimx/ quawlu, hnowhenn cesaiw guaw kir tak ix ee duwjog. “quewsii ee susiongw (Thoughts Out of Season)” si guaw knuar ee derr id vunw, byy zuarr quw au tak “Zarathustra anne qongw (Thus Spake Zarathustra)”. Jitt vunw ceh si jit crur diongrdua ee texgiam, cniurr Goethe ee “Fraust” qang, Zarathustra si Nietzsche ee “Fraust”, ix ee zi-hy zinqeh ham' guaw ee zi-hy zinqeh jitmaw duiwingr dirr Zarathustra (jex cniurr qra jniciw toduix viw jyr Mount Blanc). Byy huaigii Zarathustra si vnertair :ee, anne guaw zi-hy zinqeh qamxx marr si vnertair? Jitt jiongw kyxlingsingr hro guaw qniahniaa, jin' dngg jit dnxua siqanx guaw qirjuat singzin jitt diamw, mrqycc jitt xee sniurhuad itdit dinghok cuthen, hro guaw qalunxsunw/ lrauu cinwqnua, siongrbuew guaw jixhyw jurgnow huanxsingw: Nietzsche iokk sir-jap huer sii huathen ix ee zi-hy zinqeh, guaw dirr donglenn dyrr zinrbad ar. Ix bad jin' iuwdir qycc byy siyxsimx dramm diyc Arrheton jitt xee qongw be cringx ee mic, naxjunxx si jin' sikhap :ee, mrqyxx guaw jin' qinw dyrr iwsinn .diyc, jex qandna' e ziaw mahuann. Dirr ix iauxx siauwlenn, byy vit'iaur kyxlu jurqiw jendoo sii, dyrr laii qaur Basel dairhak jyr qauwsiu, ix si jiacc kiauw, qaix qibsii huathen u quaw dairjir cud movne jiacc driyc. Guaw qamxqag, hex si ix vnertair ee gorqaiw --- ix jit diamw aw dyrr byy quawir/ byy huaigii dirr jit xee langg duiww jitt jiongw dairjir itbuu-soxdix/ byy lixqaiw ee sewqair nirr, hro zi-hy zinqeh cud laii luan jauxjongg. Ix virr jitt jiongw iuwdir ee hibang saixlang, suncue erdangr hunhiongw ix ee hixqongg/ u huatdo vaxag ”dingsinx pingqer itcer qewdat quanliam” susiongw ee langg/ mrqyxx qandna' cue diyc u qauwiongw ee singliw langg/ hro ix visiongx qycc hixlok ee si, ix jurqiw qingwzenn si qidiongx jit hunrjuw. ix bongxjong longr zip qongw be cringx ee sinvir-lai, qycc hiongr hiaxee gongrdun/virr siongrder vangwsag ee dairjiongr ylyw ix ee hixlok, kiokk duiww jurqiw itbuu-soxdix. Jex si ix e iong hamwpuc gixgenn/ vixlun dingtac/ ciongbuanw janwbixsix ee huanlok hongqeh ee guan'inx --- bongrsiongw inxkiw ixqingx cutbe linghunn laii ngua diyc langg' ee juwbak/ qongw jurqiw si qniaa qngwsyh ee viauxenxjiaw/ kiokk lag .zip .kir siongxsiosng ixgua ee cimqog-lai. Ix m jaix jurqiw dng' qniaa dirr sewqair ee huetaulo/ cniurr jit xee huanrsuah ee langg/ jniajyr langg' diyh'air sewzi duiwtai ee langg. Dirr sigsai langg nirr, guaw qandna' tniax qongw u nng xee langg qongkaix qongw si Nietzsche ee duisuijiaw/ nng xee longxx si dongsingwluann/ qidiongx jit xee jursad qetsog sniwmia/ lingrgua jit xee cniurr virr gorqaiw ee tenjaii, jniajyr jit xee huewbut. Qitnax ee langg vingrr byy virr Zarathustra henrsiong qamxziamw diyc hixqongg/ duiww jerje langg' huangingg kiokk lingxjing knuawtai/ byy qamxdong.
Fraust uirr guaw packuix jit snir mngg, Zarathustra vrong jit xe, qra mngg qnuaix .kiw .laii, qnuaix qaxx quw ~ ~. Guaw qamxqag jurqiw cniurr hitt xee jycsid ee laurlangg, huathen jurqiw nng jiah guu sxuah .diyc, qra gutauu vak syh-aw. “dairjir si jnuaxngiu huatsingx neh?” serwhanr qniaw mng. “ qniaw ar, langg' si byy damlun anne ee dairjir ee.” jycsitlangg anne dab.
Guaw liauxqaiw, jit xee langg duhuix ham' langg' dramm inx jaix ee dairjir, narr m si, jixsirr dnuaa kimm hro guu tniax ziiw. Iuwdir ee langg be iwsig .diyc, ham' ving'iuw damlun inx m bad ee dairjir si jit jiongw buxziok. Qandna' ham' siaxjog :ee/ qiwjiaw/ sizinn sii, inx jiacc e liongqaiw jitt jiongw byy keckir ee hing'uii. Guaw jiamrr bingvik, jit jiongw sinx susiongw/ qu susiongw-diongx jit xee byy vingsiongg ee quandiamw, longxx diyhh uaxkyr sursit jiacc erdangr ham' langg' qaungua iwqenr. Jixu sursit jiacc kia e jai, be ho'ngg hor jit vnix .kir; jaxban u langg e kir duw .diyc, bingvik jurqiw huathen liauw sniaw. Guaw zinrbad jurqiw qongxue qaix teqiongx sursit, jex qycc si guaw siongrr kiamr ee, guaw sniaw kurtew ee mic marr byy. Jerje sihau, guaw huatqag jurqiw ciangjai vin' qinggiam jyr su. Kaisiw quair dethagqax kiamr qinggiam sii qycc ser ser liam byy suah/ qaix sursit huedab sii kiokk qra cuir hap .kiw .laii; dirr jitt hongbin, inx ham' cenxsniu ee sinhagqax naxjunxx siy' qang. Dirr mow quaw sijun, guaw qniaa quer jit xee suanrjiyhqog, mrqycc guaw byy hxuad hro zimrhylangg siongsinr (qyckacc jimjiog quancad, simrjiww marr byy hxuad suechok jurqiw ), siongsinr guaw jah dngw laii :ee m si jiyhtauu narnia.
HUATHEN SIMLINGG KECQUANX SURSIT
1898 nii, guaw kaisiw kacc zinrjinx kyxlu jniajyr isux. Jin' qinw dyrr did cud qetlun, qamxqag jurqiw diyh'air u juandiongw/ kacc kinghiongr guarkyx ngiaa quer lairkyx/ si sriu quer qaixpywhak juanbunn hunwlen, kacc air vnerlixhak (Pathology)/ narr si cuann qauwgiac ee juqimx/ guarkyx kyxlingg dyrr si guaw ee jitgiap ar. Uirr beh tagceh, jiyh berjiyw jnii, hro guaw jin' tongwkow/ siongrbuew jit vaiw kyxcir au, dyrr rair tanr jnii cri jurqiw ar. Sniu beh dirr mow quanrqib vnerngi jyr jorliw isux, hex kacc u hibang did diyc kacc quann jit'ui, sinsuiw e kacc je .quaw/ suzinn jinxsow kacc penhiongr hurjikzinn ee jicii, qywzinn lirhai quanhe. Guaw langenn ithiongr byy hyw, ham' langg' byy ue qongw, m qnaw anwsngr e u hyw zirun/ qingw jit qingx derhngx vnerngi, cue jit xee xui kacc unxdangr. Qitnax dyrr kyr qangjog zinrjinx/ pacvniar/ guaw ee vunxsu/ sincingw ee qihue lor!
Hiyczuac kiokk huatsingx jit qnia duiww guaw ingxhiongw cimkig ee dairjir. Jit zit, guaw jre dirr vangqingx knuar ceh. Qecviah vngrtniax ee mngg kuix kuix, tnxiax-lai u jit der otyy-caa ngii jiahvngrdyh, si a'maw ee qewjngx, iokk cid-jap dxangx lor!Maxmah jre dirr txangx-jingg, decc criah pongwsex, li dyh-aw iokk snax ingciyh hng, mexmeh kir tagceh ar, vngrtniax cunx suxiongrlangg dirr jauwkax. Hionghiongg, prongr jit sniax, naxx cingr sniax, guaw tiaur .kiw .laii, hiongqongg ciongx zip kir vngrtniax, maxmah gong gong jer dirr kywciuw-iw, pongwsex lag dirr tokax/ jic naxx pacqed qongw “ cud... cud... cud liauw sniaw su neh?” bagjiux dnewlat siongr hitt der dyh-aw/ sun maxmah ee bagsinn, knuar diyc dyh-vnix qaur diongsimx lec kuix jit diauu pang/ m si qapjua kuix .kir/ si jadvag ee cavangx lec tangr .quer. Guaw naxx hro den den .diyc/ gong gong cai dirr hiax/ nacc e huatsingx anne ee dairjir neh? Cid-jap dxangx ee qu caa, dirr zuac .langg ee mow jit zit, sipkir jiacc quann ee sii? Zuqyw si dasyr ee qnuaa .langg, he dirr huexloo-vnix , kacc erdangr lixqaiw. Dauwdew si sniaw guan'inx hro cavangx lehkuix? “qoxquair ee dairjir itding junjai.” guaw sniu. Maxmah binrsig imdimm dimr tauu, “si ar! si ar!” ix ee zi-hy zinqeh qongxue. “jex itding iwbi diyc sniaw.” guaw lauu lyc cimkig inwsiong, vutditvud duiww qaqi huad singwde, guaw byy ue tangx qongw.
Nng lexvair au, u jit zit honghunx iokk lak diamw dngw laii qaur cur, huathen maxmah/ mexmeh/ suxiongrlangg juann longxx jin' qikdong ee jongrtair. Iokk jit diamxjingx jingg jit xee jin' hiangxliang ee sniax longr qaxx qiongbecc cauwhni, jitt huee m si hitt jiah ixqingx lehkuix ee dyh-aw; jit qnia dang hnuaiwhnuair ee qaqu, jap-qauw sewqiw cex brew ee. Inx ui' dingw qaur xe qiamxjax, cue byy u sniaw lehpang. Guaw qra qxui siongser qycc craa .quer , vauquad juiuii, qangrkuanw byy qetqyw/ guaw qiamxjax qxui lairenn, dirr he pangw naa-aw ee nguaw-qui, huathen jit diauu pangw-vnix u jit qix ced pangw iong ee dyx, dybah dairvorhun viangwpuar quiw der cuiwpnir, dyvner dyw dirr naa ee jit vniqag, qitnax snax qag qokk u jit pnir dybah. Jitt qix dyx byy zuarr quw jingg iong quer dyrr kngr dirr hiax, byy langg kuix qxui tec mic .quer.
Derr zi zit, guaw qra jitt qix pnaiw jyr sir quec ee dyx tec kir dinr-lai siongrr u miaa ee saihu hiax/ Ix iong hamwqniar siongser qiamxjax/ hnaiwtauu qongw “jitt qix dyx uanjuann byy sniaw movne/ qngr byy bunrdee/ itding u langg diauqangx jit pnir jit pnir iong pnaiw kir/ jex si jyr e qaur :ee/ qra dybah cah zip kir tuah-pang/ jit vaiw acdng jit pnir/ ui' quann xui danr lyc laii erbin jiyhtauu-dingw/ mrqycc hyw ee qngr si be lehkuix ee/ itding u langg ham' liw qunw sngxciyr! ” guaw jin' sewzi qra jiaxee juiwpnir itdit vyxjunn qaur dnaxx.
Hitt sii, maxmah/ mexmeh duxhyw dirr vangqingx-lai, hionghiongg dua hiangxsniax hro inx cuah jit diyy. Maxmah zi-hy zinqeh iwbi cimuanw siongr guaw, guaw cue byy sniaw ue tangx qongw/ qamxqag bogbingqibiau, ixqingx huatsingx ee dairjir jyr be cud zimrhyy qaixsueh, qandna' erdangr singzim jex hro guaw lauu lyc cimkig inwsiong. Dyh-aw lehkuix/ dyx-aw viangwpuar, jex si uirsniawmic? Jnuaxngiu huatsingx neh? Narr si kaxhap, marr taiww duxhyw ar. Narr u jit vaiw gnoxzenn ee qihue Rhine hyy dyr lrauu, dirr guaw knuar .laii si jin' byy kyxlingg ee, qitnax kyxlingg ee qaixsueh marr e virr traix-driau. Anne jex dauwdew si jnuaxngiu jit huesu neh?
Quiw lexvair au, guaw tniax qongw u quiw xee cinjniaa iwdoo hro dyh-aw sraiw dinxdang, inx u jit xee ang'ii/ jap-go huer-vnuar siauwlenn qoniuu. Jitt quiw xee langg itdit beh hro guaw qnir jit xui ang'ii, qongxx ix erdangr hro langg jinwzip iuu bang jongrtair, iauxx e inxhunn dngw laii. Guaw jid'err tniax, sui' sniu .dyc gunw daux huatsingx ee qiquair henrsiong, iyh sniu, kyxlingg ham' jit xui ang'ii iuxquanx. Jurr anne kaisiw, dagg lexvaiwlak honghunx, dingrqii dirr jit xui cinjniaa cur-lai qixhingg qangwsinhue. Viah/ dyh-aw qyxzenn dirr gunw qautongx au pinwpinr-piangwpiangr ee sniax. Dyh-aw byy sriu ang'ii kongwjer suaw dinxdang si hro langg kixgii ee, zircniaw guaw jin' qinw huathen, narr duiww jitt jiongw sidgiam jingqax mow quaw hanrjer, dyrr e u joxgai. Incuw, guaw dong'ir dyh-aw si jurdong huatcud pinwpiangr sniax, sui'au qra juwiwlik juanw qaur tuandat sinwsid ee lueriongg. Dirr guaw poksu lunrbunn nirr, let cud jiaxee quancad qetqyw.
Qingquer iokk nng nii ee sidgiam, gunw juann longxx iawsen ar. Guaw huathen jitt xui ang'ii tauwquer quixqer iwdoo hro langg' sanxsingx qycngiu, guaw dyrr byy qycc camqax, aurlaii vutjiw hiyrhuew, in'ui guaw duiw jitt qidiongx bad zi-hy zinqeh si jnuaxngiu hingsingg :ee/ qycc jnuaxngiu jinwzip jit xee ginxaw ee iwsig, ham' jurqiw ionghap. Hitt xui siauwlenn qoniuu dirr zi-lak huer sii hiwvne sixbongg/ zi-sir huer sii gauw qycc qnir quer jit vaiw/ huatqag ix qisit jin' doglip, singsik. Dirr ix siw-au, tniax inx cur-lai ee langg qongw, ix dirr sniwmia juewau quiw qywguec/ qywsingr jit diamw jit diamw qaixtew/ juewau qingwzenn huehok nng huer ginxaw jongrtair, dirr jit jiongw jongrtair quewsinx.
Jongxqongw jit qxur, jex si jit vaiw diongriaur texgiam, qra guaw jaxqii dethagquanx juanvo saur driau, qycc hro guaw did diyc simlixhak quandiamw. Duiww langg ee jingsinn, guaw ixqingx huathen jit quaw kecquanx sursit. Mrqycc jit vaiw texgiam qycc byy hxuad cue diyc langg qra jingxqyy qowsu qongw ho'ngg tniax/ jixhyw qra jitt xee byy qaixquad ee bunrdee kngr jit vnix. Nng nii au, guaw ee juandee lunrbunn jiacc huatviauw.
Dirr jinxsow nirr, Friedrich von Muller cuxdai liauw Immermann ee uirdir. Muller si jit xee jin' u jaihuaa :ee/ knuar diyc ix zuhyy u diwhui jiangxag bunrdee tecud gibun/ dng' gibun tecud sii, bunrdee vunxsinx ixqingx qaixquad jidvnuar. Ix naxjunxx dirr guaw srinx-siong knuar cud moxjiongw mic, guaw sidsip dicbecc qetsog sii, ix tegi guaw jyr ix ee jorciuw, ham' ix jywhuew kir Munich, ix jiapsiu hiax ee qangjog. Jitt xee iaucniaw cax jit diamw aw hro guaw quatsimx jyr lairkyx --- narr m si dongsii huatsingx lingrgua jit qnia su/ jit qnia siauduu guaw duiww birlaii jitgiap itcer qowlu ee su.
JINGSINN IHAK SI GUAW UI'ID EE LO
M quanw guaw itdit suanxsiux jingsinn ihak/ limcngg kywdingg, mrqycc dongsii juxqangxjiaw ee kxyr, m si ho'ngg hiacc cuwbi/ qasiong guaw huesiongw jingsinn vnerngi texgiam duiww vaxvah ee ingxhiongw, qyckacc byy hxuad u hyxqamw. Junxvi qokqax kyxcir qiqanx, qaur siongrbuew jiacc tec kiw jingsinn ihak (Psychiatry) qauwkysux, vingrr byy hibang ui' qidiongx did diyc sniaw. E qir .did dng' guaw packuix Krafft-Ebing soxx venx :ee, anne sniu “hyw lar! Jitmaw hro gunw laii knuar, jit xee jingsinn isux u sniaw ue tangx hyw qongw!”. Juandee qangxjy/ limcngg sirhuan qandna' lauu hro guaw jit sxix aw inwsiong, dirr vnerngi soxx qnir .quer ee vnerle, jit xee dyrr qir be kiw .laii, jixu iamwsen/ e tror.
Guaw itsimx sniu beh knuar jit xee jingsinn isux zuhyy qongxsut jitt xee kybak/ jnuaxngiu jingwsit junjai ee lixiuu. Tauwquer jurqiw jitt jiongw jiacc cangwciux simtair soxx jyr ee venrho, guaw sniu ixqingx cingcyw viauxbingg liauw hitt sii iliauqair, jingsinn ihak itvnuax si virr knuar kinx :ee. Byy langg jinjniar duiww jex iuxsow liauxqaiw, marr byy jit mngg simlixhak si qra langg dongwjyr jingxtew (Whole), vauquad qokk jiongw vnerliw venwhuar. Jixvutqyr ngirdniuw/ vnerlangg virr qnuaix dirr qang jit qingx vnerngi-lai/ vnerngi qycc cetdng ham' guarqair ee qauqnaa, cniurr qoxjaw ee taixqyvnerngi / vnerlangg virr qecli dirr quagua qangg/ byy langg air hiongr jitt bin knuar .jit .xe. Isux marr narr guarhanglangg, jaix :ee jin' jiyw, inx ee qamxsiu marr ham' itvnualangg qang/ jingsinvne si jit jiongw byy hibang rix hyw bexmia ee vne/ jitt jiongw knuawhuad, ingxhiongw jingsinn ihak. Jingsinn isux dirr hitt sii virr knuawjyr quaiwzinn – byy zuarr quw, guaw dyrr did diyc cinsinx texgiam.
Jit packuix dahuetauu, knuar diyc derr id jua anne siaw “dairkair jitt xee kybak ee digvet/ huatdenw iauxx byy uanjuann, jingsinn ihak ee qauwkysux jerjiyw virr uwhy juxquanx ee inwqir.” quiw jua au, jokjiaw qra jingsinn vnerjingr qongw si “ zinqeh vnerjingr (Diseases of Personality)”, guaw ee simx hionghiongg vrongr vrongr tiaur, jixhyw kia kiw laii cimx cimx suh jit kauw kuir/ simjniaa kaisiw qikdong/ duxx siamw quer jit xee kexsi/ huisiongg cingcyw, jingsinn ihak jiacc si guaw ui'id kyxlingg ee bogviaux/ dirr jiax, hingwcur ee nng dy cuaclauu jiacc kyxlingg huerjip/ jniajyr juixlauu ciongx cud jit dy hycngg/ jiax si qinggiam ee tende/ uirr singbuthak, sinlingg ee sursit soxx qiongriuw/ si guaw dngquw itdit decc jauxcue ee bogdig/ qajair jit xee dairjurzenn, sinlingg jitt sii siy' jongg, lag zip henrsit sewqair.
Dng' Ebing qongw diyc jingsinn ihak qauwkysux ee “juxquansingr” sii, inw guaw qiklet huanxingr, knuar .laii, jitt vunw qauwkysux vorhun qisit si jokjiaw juxquanx viauxvec/ ix dig'iuw ee penqenr, junjai ee jongxtexsingr/ kia dirr qinggiam ee kecquanx vuerau/ ixx ix jingxqyy zinqeh duiww jitt jiongw “zinqeh vnerjingr” jywcud huanxingr. Dirr vnerngi sii, jurlaii m bad tniax quer laursux anne qongw. M quanw Ebing ee qauwkysux ham' qitnax jitt lui qauwkyceh byy sniaw byy qang, mrqycc jitt quiw diamw amwsi kiokk hro jingsinn ihak dausia jit dy tuattex-nguarqud ee jit sxix qngngiaw, guaw sui' hro kib .quer, bee .kir.
Quatding au, guaw qra hitt xui lairkyx laursux qongw guaw ee iwguan sii, dirr ix ee bin piaux quer diyhqniax/ sitbang, simdiongx ee qu congwsiongx --- qamxqag jurqiw si byy sriu huangingg :ee/ ham' langg souanw :ee --- jaiww crur tniar .kiw .laii. Vutqyr jitmaw guaw bingvik uirsniawmic, simrjiww jurqiw marr byy sniu .quer, jitt diauu penpiah siyw lo, e huatsingx jiacc dua hingwtauu. ving'iuw qniagii/ sniu be tongx, zinruii guaw si gongrhauwdaix, hongwkir ihak jitt diauu jiacc bingdir ee jitgiap/ vangwquer jiacc belangg, ixqingx jniurciuw ee qihue/qycc ovec qongw qac'ir jingsinn ihak.
Guaw bingvik, jaiww crur qniaa zip jit diauu vadd langg berdangr/ marr be duer laii ee byy-buew-hang. Mrqycc byy langg/ zimrhyy dairjir erdangr hro guaw penli guaw ee bogdig, jin' cingcyw guaw anne ee quatding si u dyrliw ee/ marr si miardiongx juwdnia :ee. Cniurr nng diauu kelauu huerjip jyr jit qrow cuaclauu, byy laujingg/ byy diuduu beh jair guaw lrauu hiongr hng ~ ee soxjai kir. Giyhciyr jurqiw si jit xee “siangdingg singwqeh hap jyr ittew” ee langg, cniurr jit xee ciongbuanw mosinn-aw ee haixingw jair guaw, hro guaw sunrli tongquer kyxcir, si derr id miaa or! Dirr sinqii ee lo-siong jidpniwpangg, amwcangr diongrdua jongwgai kiokk hro guaw siongrr jairunw ee kybok dywtaujaix --- vnerliw qaixpyxhak. jitt xee kyxciyr ee cywgo, hamwqniar vylepnir-dingw, duliauw qokk jiongw cuiwsab-aw ji' gua naxjunxx qandna' qamm u dingxbinrpuee sewvaux, qingwzenn lauwqaux cangr dirr vniqag ee jit quaw biqunw. Qitnax kybok simrjiww liac diyc kyxdee, incuw jin' sunrli quer quixarr huihiamw ee amwdax. Vywhok laii ar: siongrr vaxag ee soxjai, jaiww crur bogbingqibiau vingw junn. Narr m si anne, guaw erdangr dirr jit vaiw kyxcir tee diyc siongrr quann hunx neh!
Qetqyw lingrgua jit xee haursuanxzinn ham' guaw qang hunx, si jit xee qopiah :ee/ qywsingr byy qaiww liauxqaiw/ qamxqag mohmoc byy ngiaxbak/ qongw quiw qxur jitt dxoo ee ue ixgua/ byy hxuad dramm zimrhyy qitnax dairjir/ duiww muixx jit qnia su, henwcud jit xee quancimx cig be diyc ee ciywiongg/ hro guaw sniu kiw Aegina dyxsu ee Hellene diausiong/ quann langg jit qxib ee hiauvaix/ qycc ciangjai m jaix beh anxjuanw ee hxingg/ zimrhyy jionghongw-ha longxx kiamr dauwdah qamxqag. Jex si m si lingrgua jit jiongw gugong? Guaw itdit byy did diyc jingwbingg. Ix hro guaw cavutdyx si penjib/ u iaxsimx ee inwsiong/ duliauw suncuir ee sursit ixgua, duiww zimrhyy dairjir longxx byy qamxqag cuwbi. Quiw nii au, ix vnewjniaa jingsinn hunlehjingr huanrjiaw. Guaw e qongw diyc jit diamw, si sniu ixx ix jyr ee dairjir, longxx u duiwingwsingr denxhingg ee le. Guaw derr id vunw ceh si iuxquanx jaxhuatsingr cidaix (Dementia Praecox)--- jingsinn hunletjingr (Schizophrenia) ee simliw; si in'ui jitt jiongw simliw, guaw ee zinqeh/ kinghiongr/ “qywzinn hongdingsid (Personal Equation), dyrr ham' ”zinqeh vnerjingr” siy' duiwingr. Guaw ithiongr zinruii jiurr jingsinn ihak vunxgi sag kacc kuacbin qaixsueh, si jit jiongw vnerlangg ee jingsinn/ qaxsed “jingwsiongg” isux ee jingsinn ji' qranx duiwue, si vnerlangg/ dirliaujiaw ee zinqeh ji' qranx, jit jiongw tyxhiap. Guanjig-siong laii qongw, nng xee longxx si qangrkuanw juxquanx. guaw ee bogdig si decc viauxbingg, bongrsiongw (Delusions)/ huanwqag (Hallucinations) m si jingsinn vnerjingr dig'iuw :ee, si soxx u ee langg longxx kuriuw jitt jiongw henrsiong.
Hagqii kyxcir qetsog hitt amr, guaw hro jurqiw (jitt siwlangg derr id vaiw) hiangxsiu jin' quw ixjingg dyrr jin' sniu beh air :ee/ jin' la'tenx gulok --- kir hiwngi knuar hxir. Jitt sii guaw ee qingjer byy unxjunw guaw jiacc longrhuir. Kyr bre qoxdongw tanr .laii ee jnii, guaw erdangr knuar jit vaiw Opera, iauxx ersaih kir Munich/ Stuttgart iulamw.
Bizet ee imgak jinghok liauw guaw, hro guaw dirr itbong-bujer ee dua haixbin duer diyc pylong p.-pudimm-d., derr zi zit, huexciax jair guaw huac quer venqair, jinwzip jit xee qyckacc qongxdua ee sewqair, Carmen iubiw ee suanlut dirr guaw ee taukag-dingw l.-laihuee-h., dirr Munich, derr id vaiw knuar diyc jinjniar ee qoxdenw gersut, qasiong Bizet ee imgak, guaw qui' sinkux longxx si cuntnix/ bidquat hiacc kuaiwlok ee kiwhunx/ hitt jiongw cimuanw ham'ir, guaw qandna' erdangr huex huex iuxsow lingxgo. Mrqycc guarjai sewqair, si imdimm ee cid zit --- 1900 nii jabzi-guec ceid qaur ceqauw.
Dirr Stuttgart, vaiwhongw liauw a'qox Frau Reimer-Jung, inx angx si jingsinkyx isux, byy sniu qongxx jitt vaiw si qnir ix juewau jit crur. Ix si a'qongx/ Virginia de Lassaullx ee derr id vaiw hun'inx soxx snex ee jaboxqniaw/ jit xui belangg ee lau taiwtair, siamxsih ee nasig bagjiux, qywsingr huadpuad cingsongw. Qamxqag ix naxjunxx singuac dirr jit xee ciongbuanw qokk jiongw liac byy/ bongx byy ee huanwsiongw, jiamrr siaubyy, jit kir byy qycc dngw laii ee hue'ig-diongx. Jitt crur vaiwhongw marr si guaw donglenn huailiam ee ingxvet.
ZURICH EE SINX SING'UAC
1900 nii jabzi-guec cejap, guaw dirr Zurich ee Burgholzli jingsinn vnerngi jyr jit xee jorliw isux/ jin' hnuahiw erdangr dirr Zurich qangjog. Basel ixqingx venr qaxx utbun bybi/ duiww Basel ee langg laii qongw, vadd ee sniaci si byy junjai :ee/ jixu Basel jiacc si “kaihuar :ee”/ qniaa .quer Birs hyy ee vakhnua/ hiax si birkaihuar ee qoktow. Guaw ee ving'iuw byy hxuad lixqaiw guaw likuix ee guan'inx/ iycsniu guaw itding jin' qinw dyrr e dngw .kir. Mrqycc inx uanjuann cyr lor! Dirr Basel, byy lun sniaw sii, guaw dy' si P. Jung bogsux ee qniaw/ K.G. Jung qauwsiu ee a'sunx/ jit xee diwsig hunrjuw/ sriok jit xee digding siarqaukuanx. Guaw duiww jex jin' huanxqamw, byy sniu/ byy guanrir hro langg qruix zip mow jit lui. Basel diwsikqair ee kiwhunx si kuriuw suxx langg himsen ee sewqaiwquanx, mrqycc tuantongw ee sewlik kiokk hro guaw dongr be diauu. Dng' guaw laii qaur Zurich au, sui' qamxsiu .diyc jitt jiongw cavet/ ham' sewqair ee lenjiab m si tauwquer diwsig/ si sionggiap. Jiax jin' juriuu/ si guaw ithiongr diwdang ee/ suibongw m si laijurr tagceclangg ee qadingg, marr be qamxqag cingvah nii luixjig soxui diwsig ee aplik. Qaur dnaxx, guaw duiww Basel iauxx u vyc vyc ee huailiam, guaw jaix ixqingx ham' ixjaw byy qang ar, mrqycc jex byy hiacc diongriaur, e qir .did dirr Bachofen/ Burckhardt inx dirr qelo sanwvo ee hiaxee zidjiw, dua qauwdngg aurbin qoxlyw ee bogsuhue huerdngg, hitt jxy huac quer Rhine hyy ee qoxqiyy, si caa/ jiyhtauu jywhuew tiap kiw laii ee.
Likuix Basel, maxmah simjingg si byy songxkuair ee/ guaw jin' byy daruaa, maxmah iongxqamw jiapsiu/ ham' mexmeh druar jywhuew/ mexmeh binriongg cingsiur kiokk sintew ziok ithiongr byy sincaiw/ qokk hongbin ham' guaw byy qang. Ix naxjunxx cutsir dyrr juwdnia jyr lau qoniuu/ kaksit marr byy qethunx/ qywsingr jin' byy vinghuann/ jin' kimpuer ix binrduir dairjir ee taiwdo. Aurlaii, diyhh jiapsiu jit xee siyw ciuxsut/ kiokk vuthing siw dirr ciuxsuddaii-dingw. Danw guaw jaix ix rair ciuxsut sii, ix ixqingx qra itcer dairjir anvaii hyw ar, hro guaw jin' qamxdong. Dirr simliw-siong, ix naxx jit xee cnehunrlangg/ mrqycc guaw iuguann jin' junqingr ix. Guaw qamxsingr, ix jongxsi jin' lingxjing/ laursinn jai jai, suibongw luersimx marr jin' binxqamw. Guaw erdangr siongxsiong, cniurr a'qongx ui'id ee mexmeh qinglik quer hitt ngiu, ix dirr iongxlyxngi si jnuaxngiu quer zitjiw ee.
Guaw kaisiw dirr Burgholzli jingsinn vnerngi qangjog, sing'uac jinwzip jingsinn jibdiongx/ taunauw cingcnew/ zinrjinx hurjig ee henrsidbin, naxx jinwzip jit jxy sewsiok ee siudyrngi, itsimx hogjiongg: siongsinr dairkair/ itvnuanx/ poxtongx/ byy iwgi ee mic, hongwkir sinqii/ u iwgi ee itcer, qra itcer ciauuat huandinn :ee longxx venwjyr mohmoc byy digvet ee qingxqyr. Cuxau u ee jixsirr kangx kangx ee viauxbin/ byy qewsiok ee kixtauu/ byy siangquanx ee surqnia/ huanruii zuxx sog zuxx ser ee diwsig/ quijue bunrdee ee sitvai/ suxx langg cinwsimx, ec bih bih ee uanxqingw/ pag dirr itbang-bujer ee suaboo-lai jyr dagg zit qowding ee qangjog. Lensuar lak qywguec, uirr beh quanwsir jingsinn vnerngi, qra jurqiw qnuaix dirr naxx siudyrngi ee sir pnir viah lai; uirr beh hro jurqiw sigsai jingsinn vnerhuan ee susiongw/ simliw, go-jap qngw ee “jingsin'ihakqaiwlun” jurr derr id iac kaisiw, jit iac jit iac tak .quer; guaw sniu beh liauxqaiw, zinlui simlingg dirr binrduir duiww vunxsinx ee huixbet jingqingw sii, si zuhyy huanxingr, in'ui jingsin'ihak naxjunxx cingcyw viauxdat liauw, dirr jingsinn vnerjingr cuthen sii si zuhyy jipuer soxui qenrkongx taukag ee singbudhak huanxingr. Cuxgua, guaw ee dongsu marr ham' vnerlangg hiacc hro guaw cuwbi. Dirr qycc laii ee quiw nii lai, suha luirjip jingxliw hiaxee Swiss dongsu dirr uituann vuerqingw ee tongxqer sowzi, qidiongx yc liauw jerje. Anne jyr si sniu beh did quaw kexhuad, marr beh liauxqaiw jingsinn huanrjiaw ee diwlik.
Juansimx he dirr qangjog genxqiur-siong, dorjuat hongxkeh, juansimx tagceh, marr incuw ham' dongsu souanw. Inx dongzenn m jaix, jingsinn ihak si zuarr qibiau, guaw qycc si zuarr qib beh bad taur qidiongx ee cimyr bibiau. hitt sii, guaw dirr dirliauhak ee hingwtauu iauxx bue qakcnew, kiokk jin' iwsinn soxui jingwsiongg ee vnerliw qycngiu(Pathological Variants), jitt xee qihue si jiacc vyxquir, hro guaw qyckacc cimkig dongrcad itvnuax ee jingsinn.
Jiaxee si guaw kaisiw jingsinn ihak sing'uac ee jongrhongw --- guaw kecquanx ee sing'uac ui' qidiongx snetnuar cud juxquanx ee sidgiam/ byy ciauzenn jurqiw/ marr byy jitt jiongw linglik/ ixx jinjniar kecquanx ee hongsid, quancad jurqiw miarun ee iogbang; Jiongww langg soxx sigsai ee jurduan --- uirr jurqiw venrho/ venjid jit xee vunxlaii qaix zuhyy qycc zuhyy ee huanwsiongw, si cywgo ee. Langg si jit xee surqnia, byy hxuad jurgnow pnuawduan jurqiw, hyw/ baiw diyh'air vadd langg laii qongw.