Antisemitism at Amazon

I had an internship in the Summer of 2012 at Amazon in Seattle with the main HQ. When I started, I was cheerfully full of excitement and exuberant, very eager to make a difference and prove that I could do a good job. I was so proud to have gotten that job, and kept imagining it being fantastic for my career. 

I was a dedicated employee when I started, and I worked easily many hours beyond just a mere forty a week in order to be able to meet all the demands. I was paid a salary, and told it was hard work. I agreed to work hard, and I didn't mind the hard work at the time. I can see for many others that that really wore them down. I don't think it was the hours however. People want to change the world, and that's hard; they'll work hard to be a part of something that is amazing and that they can be proud of.

All of those are things that I can say I'm proud to have done, and ultimately that I was one of the lucky few that shipped code to production while there during that summer. 

Those aren't things I have a problem with; I have problems with treatment I received that I believe was clearly illegal. What I have a problem with was the constant berating that I got from my appointed mentor, which included everything from instruction on how to live and think as well as what to feel and what was right and wrong. His ideals are not mine, and nor should anyone try to make someone else believe what they do. I told him I was uncomfortable with how he spoke to me, and yet every day it got worse, and at one point in the internship, I felt it so predictable that I would be chastised and name called for anything I suggested that I very nearly stopped talking altogether. That couldn't last long in the face of an intolerant management, so of course they started specifically poking at me with their questions and words, trying to obtain a response that they could criticize. It felt as though there were a concerted effort to provoke a response that would involve my religion. I don't mind when people disagree with me, but I dislike verbal abuse.

At the time, I was very interested in religion. Amazon was my big job, and the religion I had required me to perform certain acts during the day and to wear a kippah. I was trying hard to learn a new language and to do what I thought was right. Not to say that I was over sensitive, but I when I tried to keep to myself, people would draw out what I was doing, even if in private and make it a topic of discussion. No matter what the situation, I was constantly being asked to justify what I was doing in my private life - which had no influence on them - and no matter how I tried to minimize or reduce the basis of their skepticism or discourse by making it not a discussion or changing the subject focus would inevitably lead back to my religion. 

I kept to what I believed and told them, that despite their criticism, I was doing my best to follow and understand what I was being taught; I liked ethics, and was doing the best I could to be the best me I could be, and unless it directly affected them I didn't see a basis to do what they wanted me to do. An example of what was going on in my workplace was that my eating habits were out of the norm. Which sounds frivolous. Who gives a d*mn what someone else eats? I didn't impose on them anything regarding my restrictions as they strictly affected me, however, they found a reason to make it a problem seemingly no matter what I tried to do to get along. I was told I was "full of sh*t", insulted about various things to the point of constantly being put down. At one point, I tried to just do my work remotely, and attend only what meetings I was required to. But then that resulted in my manager chastising me. I told my manager in response I was getting my work done but that I was tired of the way I was being treated by my mentor, and the treatment did not change.

I regret having not moved teams first to see if I could escape that treatment, and I regret having not sued afterwards. I know that at one point, someone who I believe to be outside of my team made a report, and I was called into an office to speak with two ladies about the treatment I received. I told them that I was being berated and that I hated the way I was treated by my coworker. This treatment still did not change. 

My manager, and my manager's supervisor were present during these times when I was being treated this way, and the biggest action in my favor was a weak "that's rude". There had never been a threat of reprisal against my mentor. Religious discrimination peaked against me, when my mentor had read some news article online and decided to make it pointed discussion. I tried being agreeable; looking back though, nothing I could have said would have stopped him from his claims and outlook: literally that "all Jews should just die", but unfortunately, I have no proof and no way to be able to draw it back to Amazon, since that very particular admission took place near the end of my internship and off campus at a restaurant just outside the campus.

I learned at Amazon a few things I wish I hadn't had to learn. One of those is that being the victim is difficult when you're being criticized, because you constantly feel the need to assess yourself for fault. I've felt as though there were no right to correction because was being instructed. In addition, there's that strive to determine whether or not you yourself did anything to provoke what happened; if you want to be a better person in general, you almost feel as though it were your own fault. I think back to the things I said in response to an unending onslaught of criticism and kept help but feel my own flaws, a great many which were also constantly and painstakingly pointed out to me. I often have wondered how, if everything were reviewed, it would appear in court. When I imagined representing my concerns, I always felt unclear that, if potentially different opinions were entertained, possibly I had done something wrong. Doesn't the other side also have a right to an opinion?

I realized too late that political correctness was never at stake, and that what I was subjected to is nothing that any workplace should tolerate. I don't recall having ever felt the need to dig into people's private lives and tell them left and right about what they should or shouldn't be doing, what they should believe in or how to live.

And I still remember just how hard I tried to get along with my mentor for so long, and just how unreasonable the circumstances were. At one point, my mentor came over to micro-manage me, as he did at least every two hours every single day. His trying to instruct my every move, and dictate the terms of everything I did was maddening. (At one point I got so furious with it, I asked "if Amazon hired me to do the programming, why am I being controlled? Is there no freedom for me to create beneath the requirements as I see fit?", all to their chagrin). As he came over, I happened to be reading several articles, and he made a point by trying to draw criticizing conclusions about what I did or did not believe, without my even mentioning or wanting to discuss anything with him anymore. No matter what I said, he was doggedly not letting go of the issue. I felt exasperated telling him in every which way that I could that I could do nothing to change circumstances thousands of miles away from me. 

Aside from the snide remarks about my religious, I was constantly being subjected to rude comments while going over programming or results, and being denigrated about understanding and results. There could be no correct or sufficient answer, even when I literally had correct results. I make no effort to tabulate results as a comparison between him and I, because it was never about worker competence between either of us. We are each highly skilled, and at the end of the day, Amazon still uses code I wrote. 

At Amazon, religious discrimination, micromanagement and outrageous standards got coupled together with almost daily verbal abuse. My manager knew about it, his higher ups knew and heard, and it was ridiculous to endure. When I read the other messages that talk about their experiences, I can personally attest to quite of few of those as well.