025　Father's will

Two ladies came to the Imperial Palace to marry me. The first person is called Lady Reikeiden, who is my mother's brother's daughter, and therefore my cousin. The other person was Lady Shokyoden, the daughter of an upper class aristocrats who was the second most powerful person after my grandfather. A year has already passed since Lady Aoi passed away.

I have to do what I wrote to Lady Aoi. The ladies who marry me are shouldering the interests of many people, including their families and servants. There is no blame in them who are now nervous and lowering their eyes in front of me. I wasn't picky and had relationships with them as if I was performing a ritual. They were beautiful ladies. It's warm when we hug each other. I have to love them. This is not a game. I wanted them to get pregnant soon, if that's what they wanted. While I hoped so, I couldn't bear to see someone die due to childbirth anymore.

"Cheer up."

I was so depressed that Hikaru couldn't help but encourage me. Hikaru's new wife seems to be Lady Fujitsubo's niece. I thought it was an amazing ability to be able to love women one after another. Many people will be saved by him, both psychologically and economically.

"This is about sending Saigu out to the Ise-jingu Shrine."

"Yes."

I vaguely remembered that I once wrote an apology letter to Lady Rokujo with all my heart.

"Will you choose the imperial messenger to Ise?"

"No, I'll leave it to you all. Please take Father's opinion into consideration when making your decision." 

Saigu is an unmarried imperial princess appointed to serve the deities of Ise-jingu Shrine. It was September, and the day when she would be sent there was approaching. It looks like her mother, Lady Rokujo, will also be going with her. Father's not feeling well lately also made me depressed.

"Are you angry?"

Hikaru's tone returned to casual, and I came to my senses and looked at him.

"Why?"

"I thought you missed Princess Saigu." 

"Why do I miss her?"

"I thought you wanna marry her."

Hikaru said innocently, so I shook my head with a bitter smile. 

"I don't need anyone, anymore."

I felt there were enough ladies. It's rude to say "please don't marry me" and there are still residences for ladies. I'm worried about what's next.

On September 16th, Princess Saigu came to the Imperial Palace after completing the purification ceremony at Katsuragawa River. Her mother, Lady Rokujo, was also with her. She was a special person to my uncle, and I felt bad for her because she lost him a few years after marrying him. If my uncle were still alive, how many lives would have been change.

Princess Saigu, my uncle's daughter, was 14 years old. She is naturally beautiful, and her mother's preparations have enhanced her elegance even further, to the point where it seems a waste to serve the gods. 

"It's a long journey, and I hope you're doing well."

I gave her a decorated comb and saw her depart. The place name Ise reminds me of the sea. I just fondly remembered the fugacious stories I wrote a long time ago, and the lady who read them.

◇◇◇

In October, Father's condition worsened and I went out to see him. Father repeatedly told me to first treat Reizei-san well and then to give Hikaru an important position.

"Keep my will."

"Yes, definitely."

I couldn't help but feel sad as I answered. Please give me the power to keep your will. Deterrence and enforcement, and the power to betray and overthrow the people who made me Mikado. A sword that mercilessly cuts down those who oppose it, and wings that soar into the sky. Please give me those.

I'm so tied up that I've been not able to move freely. I thought Mikado was surrounded by ladies and had no political allies at all.

After I left, Reizei-san and Hikaru also went to see Father. I heard that Father loved Reizei-san and was reluctant to say goodbye until the end. My mother also tried to see Father, but he passed away while she hesitated because she didn't want Lady Fujitsubo be around him. It was early November.