Forget and Forgive

A few have this great quality. It is a rare quality in human beings. It is a gem of a quality. It shows one’s magnanimity. This quality is nothing but forgetting and pardoning others mistakes, sins, wrong doings etc. Those who have this quality generally save a lot of energy, time etc which an ordinary would have used for revenge, rivalry etc. Energy, time etc so saved by them can be utilized by them for some other better purpose too. Further, in a human being along with this quality other great qualities like patience, sacrifice etc exists also. It is not easy to forget anything. Even if we try to forget, some thoughts, incidents etc they remain in our subconscious mind and recur again and again. As such our memory power becomes a curse to us especially it is difficult to forget unpalatable incidents in our life. No doubt we should not forget any person, or an incident on account of which we are greatly benefited. We should be grateful to person or persons who have helped us a lot in one or another way in our life. Even if we are unable to help them in return, we should not do anything that would harm them in anyway knowingly or unknowingly. In case if we do something that puts them into lot of difficulties, it would be hard for them to forget and forgive our ungratefulness. Such an act on our part would have telling effect on them even though they were not expecting anything in return while helping; they were not expecting this kind of behavior also. That is why it is said "It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." Similarly, if somebody insults us we cannot forget and forgive them so easily. Likewise, we cannot forget and forgive those who cheat or fool us too. Can we forget and forgive those who are responsible for our defeat, or downfall? Similarly, it would not easy to forget and forgive those person or persons who have taken revenge upon us. Backstabbing by somebody who pretended to be near and dear to us could not be forgotten and forgiven so easily. Further it is really hell of a job for a lady or a girl to forget and forgive a person who raped her. Cold blooded murder of parents, children, friends by whomsoever for whatever reason under any circumstances would remain live in one’s memory and difficult to forget and forgive.

More and longer we suffer; it would be hard to forget and forgive those who caused them and made our blood boil. Under such circumstances when one would be unable to make a resolve to forget and forgive, unless somebody influence and persuade them. Some may say we have forgotten and forgiven, but how far is the question. Forget and forgive must come from the bottom of one’s heart. In olden days, why even now a days, we find in villages and small places two groups or two families who do not look at one another eye to eye. Hate, rivalry, animosity exist between them. Nobody wants to forget and forgive one another for something that had happened in the past. Instead every one of them waits for an opportunity to settle their scores. It is circumstances that only could bridge their differences and bring in the truce between such people. Society comprises of people of all types. Human nature differs from person to person. There are people who forget all the good we have done to them but remember only the single instance where on account of one act of ours, which is not even deliberate or intentional, they were adversely affected. It is their mindset that is responsible for such an attitude. They cannot forget and forgive that single instance even. They make mountain out of a molehill. But there are people in this world who remember a single incident wherein they are immensely benefited or helped but do not attach importance to other numerous incidents which they write off as trifle incidents in spite of they being put into lot of inconvenience.

Qualities are always to be developed as we grow up and mature. One’s efforts are quite essential to get a quality developed in them. It is the qualities that make up our personality. If we do not forget as much as we could, we would be overburdened with thoughts and would not have peace of mind. We would always be agitated. Unnecessarily a lot of our time, energy etc gets consumed. We would like to have revenge or settle score with person or persons who have wronged us. We would never be complacent and both mentally and physically our health would deteriorate. Unless we develop the quality “forget and forgive”, we would have more enemies than friends whereas if we develop the quality “ forget and forgive” we would have more friends and less enemies or no enemies at all. It is this quality that is always responsible for development of relationship between one another particularly among members of a family. It is this quality that removes all the bitterness and brings in harmony. If we do not develop this quality and allow the animosity to grow within us, animosity between the other and we would increase and the two would be like serpents and mongoose where one dislikes even the very sight of another. Valuable time of life gets wasted in thinking how to bring in the downfall of the person whom we hate. If one exhibits this quality that does not mean that he or she is weak. It is this quality that is generally appreciated and liked by the majority of people. Due to lack of this quality only discord occurs between husband and wife and divorces take place. If a couple has this quality, their married life runs smoothly. Parents generally forget and forgive their children even if they do any serious wrong. Similarly, if one who is very dear to us does something seriously wrong we forget and forgive them. It is love and affection that makes them to forget and forgive the wrong doings of the kith and kin. It is said in bible that even God pardons those who repent for their sins. Teachers should set an example with regard to this quality- forget and forgive. They should forget and forgive their disciples for their any wrong doings and mistakes after duly advising them and showing them the right path. There are better things to be remembered. We should never brood too much over past. The man who erred or who did wrong does not remain the same old self. Circumstances teach him lessons and bring changes in him also. He may be waiting for an opportunity to make amends and on our part if we forget and forgive such a person at that moment, we would not only win his heart but also become great in his eyes too. We should always think “To err is human; to forgive is divine."

One way to become famous is by our great deeds and other way to make others remember us is by our acts that could not be forgotten and forgiven. Can any Indian forget and forgive the dastardly acts of General Dyer at Jullien wallah Bagh? Similarly whether anybody in the world forgets and forgives Adolf Hitler for his killings of Jews? How Nathuram Vinayaka Godse, Beant Singh and Satwant Singh, Dhanu etc have entered Indian history? Criminals’ now-a- days win the elections. Is that means that people have forgotten and forgiven them. These are some of the questions that confront me. Recently an incident happened in my friend circle. One of my friends has two daughters only though he liked to have a son too. However, it did not matter him much. His wife and he brought up the children very well. Children were fair and good at studies too. The eldest daughter completed B.E. degree with distinction in Computer Science and the younger would also complete M.C.A degree shortly. The pains that these parents took to educate their children are inexplicable. And the amount expended for their education was abnormal and beyond the reach of a common man. They did not hesitate to provide whatever comforts they could provide to children. By and large they met all their needs too. Everything was taking place according to their wish and plan. My friend had planned his retired life too and built a beautiful house in that connection. Like all parents, they had kept high hopes on their children. Though there was a little difficulty in getting a job initially the eldest daughter was able to get employed in a reputed I.T. company. Prior to it also she did not waste her time, she was working for a small computer firm. Besides, she completed TOFEL and GRE exams. It was a very happy family. My friend belonged to a respectable Brahmin family. The daughters are now 24 and 22 years old respectively and it is apt time for their marriage. So my friend collected horoscopes from various sources and tried his best to find a suitable bridegroom. He did not leave any stone unturned. Now-a-days, educated girls indicate their preferences regarding age, height, educational qualifications etc. My friend was taking care of all these aspects. He wanted his daughter to pursue her studies in U.S.A too. As such, he preferred horoscopes of U.S. based boys. He was in pursuit for more than a year but to no avail. Time, energy, and money that he spent for this purpose of finding a suitable bridegroom is only known to parents who have married their daughters after toiling hard. According to a saying experience of building a house and marrying a daughter are one and the same. Hundred and one reasons like horoscopes do not tally, gothras are one and the same, boy is shorter, thin and not well built, and age difference is too much etc come in the way before an alliance materializes. When all these developments were taking place, one fine morning a Shetty walked into my friend’s house and requested him his daughter’s hand in marriage. Qualification wise he was not an engineering graduate, caste wise he was belonging to a different caste, age wise he was in thirties and he was not having a good job even. Mr.Shetty’s financial dealings and antecedents were not at all good. So my friend did not accede to his request. He advised his daughter to back out in her own interest. In her own interest they advised pressurized and tried to break their friendship but all their efforts were futile and much against the wishes of the parents, Shetty and she tied a wedding knot at a Sub-Registrar’s office. Certainly, these developments have affected my friend and his wife very much. They are depressed. All the ivory towers that they had built in air have fallen like playing cards. They cannot raise their head in their community. Further this episode affects the marriage of their other daughter. Is it possible for them to forget and forgive their child? Thus forget and forgive is not that easy. We have to face dilemmas many-a-times. It becomes really a tough decision to make sometimes.