An Iron Lady

We come to this earth and live for sometime and bid adieu. Population of world runs in billions.We are one in billions billions. We are not known many times in our home town itself. We do not know much about our grandfather and great grandfather and other members of family. No one want their life to go unnoticed. They want their presence to be felt. Everyone wants their life to be worthwhile. Everyone wants to do something to the society.Though, doing something for being remembered by someone is selfishness, doing something which is worth remembering following and sharing is really plausible. Otherwise, what is the use of being born. Everyone wishes that they are remembered. In fact,they pray remembrance not for fame but pray it for their contentment.They rightly feel why they are not remembered when Mussolini, Stalin, and Hitler are remembered With this in mind everyone tries to do something or other that makes them remembered. It is their goal of life . It is a reasonable goal. There is nothing strange in it. Everyone is unique and special in their own way. Everyone born on this earth deserves to be remembered. In fact, remembering one is honoring and respecting them.It is a step to consider the whole of universe as a family too.Remembering is good a quality. A good quality normally develops many other good qualities.Some indebtedness is such that it could not be either settled or repaid. In that case only way to pay the indebtedness is remembering the benevolence with gratefulness.

Sardar Vallabhai Patel is known in independent India as Iron Man of India. Vallabhai was a relatively short man. He was 5 feet 5½ " in height.He was dour and homely in appearance especially as he aged.He was a self made man. He was a son of a farmer. He became a barrister with his own efforts. He was the first home minister as well as first deputy prime minister of India . He was a great patriot.

At the time of independence of India, India was divided into numerous small states and each one was independent and was ruled by a separate ruler. It was Vallabhai Patel who prevented those states from secession from Indian Union. It was he who united them under one banner. It was he who annexed Junagadh and Hyderabad into Indian Territory. I recently visited Somnath temple in Gujarat. It is this temple which withstood numerous invasions of Ghazni Mahmud, Mughal Emperor Aurangzeb and others successfully and standing now majestically by the side of Arabian Sea. Somnath is one of the twelve Jyotirlings symbols of God Shiva. Sardar Vallabhai Patel was instrumental in getting it renovated and restructured and appropriately statue of Sardar Vallabhai Patel is in front of this temple.

When I stood before that statue , I recollected his great personality and coincidentally, I remembered an iron lady too because she too faced and withered away numerous upheavals of life during her life time which exceeded over nine decades.Of course, there is no comparison between them at all. Is it possible to compare an elephant with anything else?

I am not writing here about Smt Indira Gandhi or Mrs. Sonia Gandhi. There is a saying, that “A hand that rocks a cradle may one day rule the world”. But, the iron lady about whom I am describing here did not belong to politics at all. Of course, she always desired and loved prominence. Who does not want to be an important person in this world? She was not an awe inspiring personality. She was an ordinary house wife. She was not an household name. She was not known to millions. Yet, she dominated a family for a period exceeding over seven decades.Managing a kitchen is not an easy job at all. More bigger a family is, more difficult it is to manage it .

She was a powerful woman. She alone managed the kitchen and home of that family for over 7 decades. Though, she had not been to any school , she might have readied and sent over a dozen children and grandchildren to school . She was only a five feet and odd tall but was strong and sturdy . Even though, she was in ninety’s, her back had not bent. Of course, her hands were trembling because of age. Yet she was following good old custom without any hesitation. She had not forgotten old customs even at that advanced age .Whenever she was drinking either cold water or hot coffee, she was raising her hands above invariably and was not allowing the cup that contained them to touch her lips at all. She was always unpretentious. She was walking straight without any support at that advanced age. She had a fair complexion. She had a beautiful pointed nose. Nobody in her family has inherited that particular type of nose. She was an embodiment of love and affection.

She lived in cities like, Bangalore, Mysore, Chennai and Mumbai for quite sometime, yet she remained rustic; there was no urban influence upon her at all. She remained a village lady through out her life. She was daughter of a farmer. She was an illiterate. She was ignorant of many things.The idiom "Ignorance is a bliss"best suited her.That is why she seldom felt humiliated or insulted. What she had to disclose and what she should not disclose to others she never knew.She always had an open heart.She shared everything with others.

Sometimes only ignorance is a bliss or a blessing and not always.Otherwise, ignorance is a shortcoming only.It definitely breeds inferiority complex in a person.With great difficulty she had learnt to affix her signature in vernacular. She used to clad herself in a hand woven sari normally and used to wear a few ornaments also. Of course, she was fond of golden ornaments like majority of women. Ornaments are considered by women as a treasure that come to their rescue in times of need. During important occasions like marriage, and thread ceremony she used to wear expensive Banaras, Mysore or Bangalore silk sari.

She belonged to a village called Arabettu near Hebri- Santhekatte in Udupi district. Now a day’s auto rickshaws ply from Santhekatte to that village. In fact, I had not visited that village until recently. It was she who used to describe it as a big place. According to her, her ancestral home was a palatial one. In short she was proud of her ancestral home. This is the case with most of the ladies too. She had told us innumerable stories about her place and people. We came to know about ghosts and great personalities of her times through her only. She had a unique style of narrating every incident.

In fact, she belonged to a tiny village. There was only a mud road to her village. We had to travel to her place by a bullock cart. It seems there were only a few houses in her village. She was born in a typical farmhouse of yester years. A farm house of those days was made up of mud plastering, country tiles and country bricks and was generally surrounded by paddy fields and forests. In such farm houses, either teak or rose wood were used abundantly. Cobras were plenty in that part of our country. Doors, pillars and attics were all exclusively of wood only. Window frames as well as door frames generally had beautiful carvings too. Cobras were plenty in that part of our country. Her house might not be in existence now for it had already completed more than 100 years and it would not have withstood nature's assaults. In case it is there, it is definitely an antique now. We rarely come across such type of houses now-a-days.

Her date of birth or year of birth were not at all known because she was only five or six years old when her mother, father, and brother succumbed to cholera. In those days there were no proper medicines available during an epidemic. People used to sacrifice at an altar of deity goat, sheep, and such other animals to make deity cool down at that time. They were under impression that whenever a deity was displeased and furious only an epidemic spreads.If situation didn't improve, people used to evacuate the place. Her sister and she were only survivors in that tragedy.

There is a story behind this exodus too. All was not well at home. Their father had gone to Someshwar Temple in a bullock cart to witness Darśana. Darśana is a Sanskrit term meaning "sight" is most commonly used for "visions of the divine," i.e. of a god or a very holy person or artifact. In Darśana, he was assured all protection by deity. Unfortunately, he forgot his umbrella there. One should not turn back once they leave a temple. It was violation of His command. As he had returned to pick up the umbrella, he had disobeyed Him. Thus he came across His fury. As a result,cholera affected their family and took a heavy toll.

Her father was opulent owning over sixty acres of land. Further, she was always referring to a box which contained plenty of gold ornaments. Due to circumstances, she or her sister did not enjoy their ancestral wealth. They were rendered homeless and brought up at different places. They were not sent to school and remained illiterate through out their life. They were left with nobody who was dear and near to share their woes. As such our iron lady used to resort to soliloquies whenever she could not share her woes with anybody. That used to lead one to impression that she was addressing a wall.

What a poor lady she was! Though she and her sister were not called maid servants they worked like maid servants in the homes of their close relatives at different places of Udupi district without any remuneration They toiled from morning to night in the kitchen and their activities were confined to four walls of houses that they lived in. That upbringing might have helped them only to cope up with the manual work that they had to put up at their homes. Some how, they had learnt cooking. They were good at cooking too. That was their fate. Most probably our lady was aware of that fact. That was why she was always singing a devotional song whenever she was sad and the song meant that nobody could do anything. Behind everything that happens in this world lie the deeds of our previous life- time. Those deeds never leave us. They follow us. Incidents take place every day on this earth. One or another incident brings back to our memory this iron lady.

Stars do not remain as they are. Stars change. Stars of these two sisters too changed. Both the sisters were married to grooms belonging to respectable families. In those days a woman was a child bearing machine. Then, a woman was conceiving year after year without interruption. Those were the days when on many occasions both a mother and a daughter were found pregnant simultaneously. A family generally used to have more than six children. Some had even more than a dozen children too.

There was no concept of a small planned family during those days. It was due to several reasons. One of them being was the poor education that people had at that time. People were superstitious. They used to believe children as God given gift. Most of them were uneducated. Further there were a few ways to enjoy life in those days. There was no habit of sending females to schools at all during those days. Why majority of male population itself was not educated at that time. Number of educational institutions in those days was meager. They were spread over also.

Some even if they were not educated, were intelligent. They had hunger for knowledge. They had common sense whereas our iron lady was lacking common sense. But she was not cunning or crooked. She was magnanimous and benevolent. She was egoistic. Insecurity was always haunting her. She attached a lot of importance to money and ornaments. But, she did not know the value of money etc. How could she know without being taught? She did not practice economy through out her life. As such, she could not curtail unnecessary expenses or wastage at her home through out her life. She knew a little about fashion or cosmetics.

She didn't know the value of education. She had a little knowledge of maths . She could do hardly any division or multiplication. Why she could not do even subtraction or addition with perfection. However she was identifying currency notes of all denominations without much difficulty. Some how she had learnt to read a clock. She was making out day and time.Sometimes she wouldn't listen to anybody. She used to be adamant. It was hard to convince her on such occasions.

She never used to bother about her comforts. She was always worried about others.She used to take care of her children and grand children tenderly and with utmost care. No sooner did she find someone fainting, she used to pounce and quickly flash water on their face. She did not develop as the world developed. She did not change with the time. World was small to her. She was neither diplomatic nor cunning but was very affectionate. She was never selfish. She was always magnanimous. She was unaware that she should give everybody her ear but only a few her tongue. She was not good at maintaining relationship with kith and kin. Where were her only nephew and only niece residing? What were they doing? Either she or any other members of her family knew. There was no exchange of visits. The reason or reasons for all these or many of these might be she was too devoted and busy at her home; and had no time to think of anything else at all.

What more ambition an illiterate lady could have in life other than heading a family.A key bunch clipped to sari at waist of a woman used to indicate that woman heads that particular family. Only rich people used to have treasuries, and steel cabinet . Iron lady had an old wooden cabinet . She had a 7 lever lock on it. She used to keep keys of that cabinet as well as other important keys with her only. What was there in that cabinet and what was not there she only knew? She was a staunch devotee of Lord Krishna. Whenever she had no money, she used to pray Lord Krishna devotedly. She used to find money in that cabinet. She used to think that Lord Krishna responded to her with that money. Poor lady never used to realize that the money was one that was kept by her only earlier.

She used to sing always bhajans in praise of Lord Krishna. She had melodious voice. She used to come out with one or another incident wherein Lord Krishna showered His grace on her. Once she had to visit a place called Kamtha. It is a remote place. It is where her ancestral property situated. There were no proper roads to that place. She had to traverse through a jungle and fields. It was getting darker and darker. She was alone and was only half way through. She did not know what to do. At that time she came across, two young kids who were playing there. They safely led her to Kamtha. She always used to remember those kids as messengers sent by Lord Krishna to guide her to the destination. She was citing this incident quite often through out her life. In fact, whenever she was in deep trouble, she used to address and share her grievances openly with the idols of God and more often with the idol of Lord Krishna.

Further, She had the habit of making a lot of promises to God for each and every untoward happening that usually take place in life. How many of them she was remembering God only knows. It was impossible to remember and fulfill for anybody that number of promises. Besides, she was not thinking about other constraints like time, money etc while making a promise. Even now many people have this habit. Sometimes, number of promises becomes alarmingly big and they forget the promises that they had made. There are cases also when they promise impossible. This was the case with our lady too. We do not know how many offerings were pending to God from her?

She used to tell us a lot about astounding powers of deities namely Ambalpadiyamma and Kaup Maramma etc. Her every narration was awe inspiring and used to enhance our reverence to those deities. She used to narrate only those incidents which she had come across. She was innocent. Being an illiterate, chit chatting was her pastime. Whenever she was leisurely she used to chat freely with a maid servant or anybody who had the habit of chewing pan. If one chats with her nicely, they could have won her friendship easily. Poor lady used to take such people into her confidence even. She had no idea as to what she should share with others and what she should not. She was an ignorant woman. She never used to admit her ignorance. She used to keep mum and used to come out with her defense only after a day or two. If she didn't like anything, she used to express that things were not so in her hay days. In her younger days disputes were settled by village heads as such whenever there were any disputes she used to insist always that they should be referred to ten prominent persons for solution.

How many people's woes she had to listen to . She had to listen to woes of her sons, daughters , grand children and son in laws and daughter in laws and others. She was never seen canning either her children or grand children however naughty they might have been. Her patience was immense and deserves appreciation.On the other hand, there was nobody to listen to her woes. She used to share her woes with Lord Krishna. There used to have soliloquies with Lord. She used to consume lot of pan and tobacco massage her little pointed nose especially whenever she was distressed.

Some people like praising. That is their nature. This lady used to be carried away by praise. The pity with her was that she could not make out whether it was a real praise and whether she really deserved it or not. She used to part even with valuables to those who showered praise on her. These were her shortcomings. She could have been fooled easily. More than anybody else her youngest son knew this well and used to praise and please her. Poor lady! She was very hospitable. She was a kind and generous woman. She used to have food only after serving meals to everyone who were at home. In short, she was an epitome of love and affection.Of course,she was more affectionate towards male issues.She always used to bless pregnant women with a male child only.She was used to be very happy whenever a male child was born to her daughter or her grand daughter. She was always worried about marriages of her children and grand children. Her needs were a little . She was contented with little things. She always used to heave a sigh of relief and feel proud that there was nothing for her to worry about her married daughters regarding food and clothing.Poor lady was not aware that food and clothing were only the basic needs and that there were other requisites which were equally or more important and essential to ladies than them in life.

She was a true daughter of a landlord. She was a hard working woman. She used to get up well before dawn that too when it was still dark outside. She cared a little her comforts. She used to work hard from morning to night like an ox tied to a yoke in the house. How much she used to enjoy while cleaning cattle shed, bathing cattle and milking cattle.She was ever busy. She was not at all aware what was happening outside the four walls of her house. She was not feeling even passage of time. She was a tireless worker. She was not short tempered. Nobody had seen her lose patience even before naughty children. She was not at all punishing children. She was loved by everybody. She had a lot of tolerance. She never knew laziness. Work was worship to her. She was always serious. She had no sense of humor. She used to forget all her worries by keeping herself fully engaged. She used to give head bath to her kids herself. She was rearing cattle. She was drawing water from well and watering dozens of coconut trees.

Cooking gas was not being used in those days either in kitchen or in bath room. It was smoke producing wet firewood that was at her disposal in kitchen as well as at bath room. One can imagine her plight. There was no either grinding or washing machine in those days. She had to grind for hours a large quantity of floor manually everyday. She had to wash manually heaps of clothes belonging to large number of people who were there in the house. These tasks needed immense strength and strain. Besides, she had to cook food for all at home. Sometimes she had to clean utensils and had to take care of livestock too. She was not distributing house hold work to her grown up children. Her argument was that anyhow they might have to undergo hardships at their in laws home. She was not good at getting work extracted from others. She was always chewing tobacco along with betel leaves. She needed more tobacco whenever she was more worried. She was a hefty eater. Perhaps she needed heavy meals to cope up with hard work. Definitely, ladies belonging to this generation cannot either work that much or eat that much at all. She was always having a sound sleep. She seldom visited a doctor during her ninety and odd years of longevity. She was not aware what cleanliness was. Being an illiterate , she had no knowledge of vitamins, bacterial and viral infection etc too. After completing all work, late in the afternoon only, she used to have bath. Yet, she was hale and healthy. It is impossible to evaluate the services rendered by her in terms of money at all.

Why she is called an iron lady? Life is complex. It is not a bed of roses.It is full of problems. It is not easy to face it. Many problems do not have solutions at all. She faced life for over ninety and odd years. She could not understand many of the complex situations in her life because of her ignorance. Ignorance was a bliss to her. Her life was an adventure. She did not run away from any situation. She had withered all the storms in her life. She faced uphill tasks. She was instrumental to every marriage that took place in the family. With how many generations she came in touch with? Work & work & work that was all she knew. She used to work &work & work to forget a sorrow. Even though, she was not aware who Basavanna was. She followed his teaching "Work is worship". She was always concerned about families of daughters, sons, and grandchildren.

Her day used to begin at dawn with a piece of tobacco and betel leaf. Besides she managed kitchen without interruption for a period exceeding over seven decades. She was pregnant at least nineteen times. Sacrifices that she did to keep the home flag flying were innumerable. She attended to over a dozen or more deliveries of her daughters. She faced all types of situations in her life in her own rustic way. She was neither diplomatic nor tactful. She lost her only surviving sister too in 1940s. Sometimes she was even a penniless. She was proud of her achievements. She looked after her children and grand children and everyone affectionately. She lost her husband at the age of 49 years. Her four daughters and four sons were to be educated and married at that time. During her life time a son committed suicide. Son-in laws passed away. What had not happened during the course of her life? Every incident of her life is a separate story that deserved to be penned. She survived a disease which affected her pancreas during her last days. She miraculously survived that disease too. However her memory started deteriorating there afterwards.

There is no end to man’s desires or wishes at all. They are endless. No sooner did a desire or a wish gets satisfied another wish or desire arises in a man. Offering prayers to God for getting fulfilled one after another wish or desire continues through out life of many people. This iron lady was always offering prayers to God for early weddings of her daughters. As soon as God fulfilled those wishes, she began praying God for the birth of grandchildren. That was followed by prayers to Him for early marriages of grand children. Prayer after prayer continued through out her life span.It seems she too believed in saying "More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of ". Majority of old people desire that their death should be peaceful and a sudden one. They wish that they should not be bed ridden and cause anybody any inconvenience etc. Poor lady too wished that her demise should be a sudden one. But, a man can propose only and it is God who disposes. She passed away recently at the dawn of 21st century only after suffering a lot. It was an end of an era. Nearly, 100 decedents of her had gathered to pay homage to her. She is remembered by every one of them for one or other reason. She was patience personified. She was never seen punishing her sons, daughters or grand children for any wrong doing. She was always sympathetic. Anyone in the family could have taken for granted her support at any time. She seldom displeased anyone. She did her best to everyone at the time of their distress.

Whenever one was not agreeing with her and whenever there were any heated arguments in the family, she used to say “let us get it verified, let us call ten people, and let them decide”. That was the manner in which any dispute was settled at village level by referring to village heads in olden days. How can the family forget her? Her great grandson states that she has become a star. Though she gave birth to only a dozen children, she was mother to over hundred children.Her ashes were immersed at Paschima Vaahini section of the Kaveri at Srirangapattana.

Everyone has their own way of expressing dissent or assent. So too, this legendry lady had her own way of expressing assents and dissents. How one can forget them. She always used to defend her affectionate at any point of time. She was never letting them down. Her unique ways of assents and dissents, her other gestures and words and phrases that she was so often effectively exclusively using are only a remembrance now. Of course, there is a video clip which contains an interview of her. The interview was recorded without her knowledge not by anybody else than her grandson only. She remains in our memory as an iron lady only.