After Marriage

In their hurry bury to get married a few think of life after marriage. It is better always if one opens their eyes before it is dawn.There is not much use if one opens their eyes after it is dawn. It is crying over spilt milk. In fact, many throw caution to the wind at the time of their marriage. It is quite appropriate also for at that moment. At their young age, everything appears rosy and nothing appears fishy to them at all .Only those who have forethought think of life after marriage before marriage. Benjamin Franklin says "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards". Many things cannot be changed at all after marriage. To a man or to a woman, whether their marriage is a love marriage or an arranged marriage, real life begins to them only after marriage. Many changes take place in them after marriage. Major events take place in anybody's life generally after marriage. One becomes more human after marriage only. One gets a life partner after marriage. One would generally have a close look at life only after marriage. Life after marriage is different to different people. Every husband and wife want to enjoy their life after marriage. Everyone want their life after marriage to be peaceful and contented too. Efforts alone are insufficient to make life after marriage fruitful. There are other requisites also to make life after marriage successful. The duties of husband and wife are different and they come into force only after marriage. Husband and wife , their families all have immense expectations about a married life. Different types of lessons emerge only after marriage.Those lessons are not only to be understood but also they are to be followed invariably without fail.What matters is not how long a married life is but how successful a married life is. Marriage is a gamble. One's fortune can swing either way after marriage.Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. One would know what life is only after their marriage. Life after marriage can be either good or bad. It can be either long or short. It is impossible to foretell how life after marriage would turn out to a couple.After marriage,husband and wife can either become two sides of a coin or they can become poles apart.

After marriage it is post marriage period. It is future.There is no guarantee that life after marriage is going to be fine. It is after marriage every couple realizes very well that "Man proposes, God disposes" Anything good or bad can happen during post marriage period. Future is always uncertain. It is during this period numerous dreams which every couple would generally have either get materialized or shattered.It is always not wise to worry more about future also.It is better one plan and face it.What is more essential after marriage is proper thinking, planning and coordination between husband and wife. Majority of people are optimistic about post marriage period. It is a period for couples to understand one another more and increase their mutual love, affection and trust. It is also a period when instances which are not even expected like dowry harassment, dowry cases, and divorce take place. Many times affairs that one might have had before marriage come to light only after marriage. After marriage, couples seldom feel alike. If every thing goes well as they thought, couples rejoice and take full credit for their right decision of marrying . On the contrary, if there are discords couples repent for having got married. Husband blames wife and wife blames husband. Life after marriage is unpredictable.

Life after marriage does not comprise of mere a good husband and a good wife. Life after marriage consists of other members of family. Of course, now-a-days number of joint families is on decline. A marriage certainly gives rise to different environment at a home. Environment at home seldom remains as it is after marriage.Additions and deletions are common to a family after a marriage. Difference of opinion is common in a family.If mother and father are alive it is a different environment. If mother is only alive it is another environment.If sisters or brothers are there it is totally different environment. Sometimes it is dominant wives, and submissive husbands. Sometimes it is dominant husbands and submissive wives. Sometimes it is dominant mother-inlaw and sometime it is dominant father in law. Wherever husbands are dominating we come across harassed wives and wherever wives are dominating we come across harassed husbands . As a result, we find harassed husbands and wives associations in many parts of globe these days. Life after marriage is definitely more difficult and complicated than life before marriage.Intricacies of an arranged marriage and a love marriage are not same. More the number of people in a family more are the difficulties that husband and wife would face. It is very difficult for husband and wife to keep everybody at home in good humor and maintain good relationship.That is why, it is after marriage only normally rift arises in a family and unity of a family is often threatened.True colors of everyone in a family would be known only after marriage. Everybody in a family must understand one another well and avoid rifts as far as possible.

It is husband and wife who can make life after marriage either a heaven or a hell. Life after marriage is a joint venture of husband and wife.Whether a family is big or small husband and wife have to manage.They must know art of living.Both husband and wife must be very careful in their talk and behavior after marriage.They cannot talk and behave carelessly as before. Life after marriage is certainly not a carefree hassle free life. Environment at home after marriage is generally more sensitive. It is mindset of husband and wife that would affect their life after marriage.In fact, it is mind set of wife who has grown in a different environment is more important after marriage.Nature and temperament of a husband and wife play an important role on their life after marriage. Some say life after marriage depends upon stars of both husband and wife. One thing is certain that one's responsibilities increase more after their marriage. It is after marriage only one thinks of their house, their children, children's education, health and future. Relationships and family grow more after marriage.

" After marriage" reminds me of a cinema plot. A cinema plot is quite often not fully published. Moviegoers are requested to see the rest on screen and enjoy. Similarly, one has to get married and understand fully what life after marriage is. It is a new kind of life after marriage. It cannot be fully described. A couple has to adapt themselves to new kind of life suitably. A couple has to remain flexible. They have to make several compromises individually in order to lead a happy married life. Otherwise life moves in another direction. Misunderstandings between husband and wife increase. Superiority and inferiority complexes develop between some husbands and wives . Ego clashes too take place between a husband and a wife. As a result, many husbands and wives forget marriage vows. These days,divorces are on increase.Marriage after marriage are taking place.Number of people who are happy after marriage is certainly not more than number of those who are unhappy after their marriage. Selfishness has been described as one of the major enemies of life after marriage. But life is not complete without a marriage. Only a few can remain single. Only a few can become saints too. However,life after marriage is not totally dark. It has bright rosy spots too. According to psychologists and sociologists, one's physical health ,mental health and longevity improve a lot after marriage .

It is these thoughts that led me to recapitulate life of some of my friends. I remembered Mr Achrekar.He was a manager of Byadgi branch of Peoples Bank. Byadgi is a town in Haveri district in the state of Karnataka, India. The town is famous for the red Byadgi chilli. Mr. Achrekar had two wives. There was always quarrel between his two wives. They were quarrelling day and night. How his home could have peace? His home was like a hell. If there is no peace at home,it is difficult for one to concentrate and discharge their duties at work . That is why if a boss shouts at his subordinates unnecessarily especially in the morning, subordinates presume that boss had a quarrel at home. One day the wives of Mr Achrekar in their fit of anger threw keys of bank safe into a well. A bank had to be opened for public at 10 a. m. without fail. It is statutory. Duplicate of keys of safe were at Haveri which is at a distance of about 16 kilometre from Byadgi. Mr Achrekar-had to bear, not only the cost new set of keys for the safe but also had to bear the expenses of getting keys from Haveri branch. In those days branch managers were not provided with vehicles. Only conveyance was bus. A few buses were plying between Byadgi and Haveri. Busses in rural places are seldom in time . Plight of branch manager namely Mr Achrekar, was inexplicable. Stress and strain which Mr Achrekar underwent was also enormous. If something happens in a rural place it is not easily forgotten. It remains talk of the town for quite some time. . He faced total humiliation.

It was in 1987 , I met Gopalmam. I recollected my association with him. He was a Sarswat. Mam is a konkani word. It is in Dakshina Kannada district of Karnataka, we find that this word being used extensively. Goud Sarswats alias Konkanis make use of this word to address an elderly persons. It is used to respect an elderly person. After superannuation, Gopalmam had settled down at Hubli. There was not much change in him. He was as thin and as tall as before. He was handsome. There was no change in his behavior too. I and Gopalmam were colleagues at Shimoga branch of Peoples Bank. We worked together for several years. He was one of the oldest employees of Peoples Bank. He was not a smart man. He retired as an officer at Hubli. He had three children. His children were not good at studies. His wife was always sick. She was suffering from tuberculosis. If all goes well, it's a happy married life otherwise it is a distressful life. His married life was not a happy one. He was discontented. He was a dissatisfied person. It was very easy to fool him . He had no bad habits. He was neither a drunkard nor a smoker. He was a timid fellow. He had no extra marital affairs. He was a harmless fellow. He was very frank. He had nothing to hide and seek . But he had many shortcomings. He was talking too much without any restraint. He had no control over himself or his tongue. He was fond of reading vulgar literature and listening to rubbish . One of the ways of winning his friendship and confidence was supplying him vulgar literature to read and talking with him rubbish. He was fond of movies. It was his craze. He was forgetting his worries by seeing movies. In fact, he was enjoying movies. I might have seen dozens of movies along with him. He was not going to movies alone. He always wanted company. He was our financier.

Chandra Mohan was a probationer in Peoples Bank. He was only nineteen years old. Only candidates in and around Thirthahalli were recruited for employment in those days. He was notorious. He was fond of movies. He was a fan of actor Shammi Kapoor. As Gopalmam was also fond of movies . Gopalmam and Chandra Mohan became close.. Probationers were generally entrusted with postages department at branch of a bank then. Postages department always has some petty cash. Cash is always required there for buying stamps and envelopes. There was no courier post at that time. Even, postal department requires strict control at a branch. There was not much control over postal department because it was Gopalmam who was supervising Postal department. Chandra Mohan used to make fictitious entries in postal register and having money required for movies. Candidates like Chandra Mohan do not continue in the services of a bank for long. Honesty and sincerity is always required in a bank. His services were terminated . Here I am narrating about Chandra Mohan to bring about how shortcomings of Gopalmam affected bank as well as his banking career.

After a hard work at bank, we used to go for a walk quite often . Majority of us were bachelors at that time. It is true bachelors have always less worries than married. Bachelor's life is carefree. Gopalmam also used to become a bachelor like in our company and forget his worries. While walking, we used to talk everything under the sky like cinema ,gossips and extramarital affairs. That was not only to keep Gopalmam in good humor but also to enjoy ourselves. Once the topic was very hot, we were resting in a park. Our Gopalmam forgot where he was. He left the keys of bank safe there only. Fortunately, he remembered those keys after sometime. We had to run and find out those keys . Luckily, keys were safe at the place where he had left. Once Gopalmam was carrying remittance from Dharwar branch to Hubli branch with an attender as an escort. They were waiting for the train to arrive at the station. There was a book stall at the station. The book stall had displayed some vulgar material. Gopalmam was busy reading vulgar material. He was in some other world. The captioned train came and moved. Gopalmam was unaware of happenings. The attender alone went to Hubli with remittance. The bank took serious note of Gopalmam's negligence and Gopalmam was reprimanded. Gopalmam did not learn lesson from the incident. Mohan was a small savings collector. He was cunning . He could make out shortcomings of Gopalmam. He supplied vulgar literature to Gopalmam from time to time and won the confidence of Gopalmam. Gopalmam used to sign small savings receipts without verification. In financial dealings there should be always strict control and no loopholes whatsoever are to be allowed. Due to laxity of Gopalmam, Mohan was able to misappropriate small savings collection. Fortunately, Mohan made good misappropriated amount. Hence, lapses of Gopalmam were treated lightly.

What pained me most about Gopalmam had become a widower. Though, Gopalmam was able to secure a clerical post to his eldest son in a local bank and got him married , his eldest son's wife had ditched him . As a result ,the eldest son was depressed. God should have given Gopalmam some solace at least at the old age. Gopalmam was weeping and requested me to console his eldest son. His home had become a bachelor's quarters.

There is nothing uncommon in a bachelor flirting . Mr Rao, had affairs when he was a bachelor at Mercara. He would have been married to a Kodavu girl. Hence, he married in hurry bury a girl from his own caste. She was only a daughter of to a rich person Mr Rao was well qualified and good at business. He was capable of becoming General Manager of Peoples Bank. Unfortunately, his wife became hysterical after she gave birth to three children. His wife was unaware where she was. As a result ,he had to take care of house as well as office. Not only he had to cook food himself but also had to look after upkeep of house fully . Poor father in law used to lend him all support. Whenever, Mr Rao was transfered to far off-places, it was his father in law who used to take care of his daughter and grand children. Patience and capability of Mr Rao are to be appreciated. He became an executive of Peoples Bank too. Of course, once in a way to forget his worries he used to booze. Mr Rao could not get his children well educated. His retired life was also not peaceful. His father in law had got built a house for his retired life. Soon after his father in law 's demise, Mr Rao had to dispose off that property . Mr Rao was not sharing his difficult with others .He was always smiling. He is now in a village. He is more than 75 years old. He deserves all praise for looking after mentally retarded wife and children.

Life of Mr Hedge was not different.Mr Hedge was mere matriculate but was good at business.Wherever he was a manger,business of bank soared.He was one of the most successful managers of Peoples Bank. He was able to get a mansion built in a posh locality at Shimoga. Mr Hedge had to take care of his wife for twenty long years. She had paralysis. She was unable to get up and make any movement at all. She was totally bed ridden. She did not see sunrise and sunset for 20 years. Though , they did not have financial difficulties. Suffering they underwent physically and mentally were inexplicable. Husband and wife lived a long life.They lived for more than seven decades. In fact, it was Mr Hedge who breathed his last first. A few days after his departure only his wife died.

Life of Mr Shetty is a different story. His father was an attender in a club at Udupi earning a meagre salary. With great great difficulty only Mr Shetty could complete secondary school leaving certificate examination. Mr Shetty was polite, courteous and friendly to everybody. His good nature enabled Mr Shetty to secure an employment in Peoples Bank. Unfortunately, he lost his father soon after his employment. Entire burden of looking after family fell on his shoulders competely. He had to take care of education of his brother and sister. He was transfered to Shimoga. He did not bring his family to Shimoga. Though he was married , he was leading life of a bachelor at Shimoga. In fact, he had to think twice before spending a liitle amount also.He had the responsibility of bringing up his family. In the meanwhile he became father of two children. One was a boy and one was a girl. With great difficulty, he was able to get his brother and sister both educated and married too.At present, his brother is in gulf and sister is in Mumbai. Both are happily married and well settled. Mr Shetty also has his own house at Bangalore.

Recently,I had been to Mr Shetty. Mr. Shetty is now retired. He is 75 years of age.He is suffering from Arthritis.He is confined to four walls of his house.His only daughter is a mentally retarded lady aged about thirty and odd years. She has to be looked after like a child. In old age children have to take care of their parents. Parents must not have any botheration at the fag end of their life. It is the time for them to relax. His only son has to remain a bachelor to look after his sister and parents. My heart melted at the pitiable condition of his family.

There are many more instances of above nature in my memory whereas happy reminiscences are only a few. I conclude, that whatever a little happiness God bestows us after marriage that He snatches away.Some of the problems that arise after marriage are purely personal cannot be shared with others also. Life is a struggle for existence only.