A Divorce

I was glancing Kannada Newspaper namely "Prajavani" I came across an article titled " Her profession is getting married" . The contents of article is produced here below:

The lady is about 35 years of age. She is beautiful and attractive to look at. One who had a glance of her would like to see her again and again. She has no work other than visiting advocate frequently to obtain divorces. Though, she was not employed at any time, she is a millionaire and owner of a house at present. Her opulence is on account of her knocking at advocate's residence uninterruptedly with plea "Men are cruel and I want divorce". This lady resides at KumaraKripa Road Bengaluru. In this fashion she was able to secure three divorces. When she had been to advocate Prameela Nesargi to obtain divorce from her third husband , advocate questioned why she desires to have a divorce. In reply the captioned lady conveyed that it is impossible to live with her husband as he has been torturing her in every respect and making her life a hell. The advocate recollected at that time two earlier occasions when the said lady had made similar representations. Yet ,the advocate felt that the statement of lady this time also may be true and submitted an application for divorce seeking a compensation of Rs 10 lakhs from her doctor husband. After all the hearings were over and when the judgement was about to be announced, the question that this lady posed to advocate made the advocate Mrs Nesargi dumb founded .

The lady told Mrs. Nesargi that she might have dealt numerous divorce cases during her 2o to 30 years of long legal practice and might be remembering rich men who divorced and their present state of affairs . She inquired Mrs Nesargi whether she knows anybody who is rich and who got divorced of late. Further,the lady added she does not want to live alone and want to marry again. The lady also inquired whether is it possible to increase the amount of compensation of Rs 10 lakhs a little bit more. In this respect the lady contended that her first husband was an engineer and from him she got a compensation of Rs 10lakhs and from her second husband who was a software employee she got a house. In the present case the husband is a doctor who is well off as such the lady felt the compensation of Rs 10 lakhs is meager.Mrs Nesargi might have handled hundreds of divorce cases but had never come across a similar case earlier. According to her this is an unique case.

In 1996 during my first visit to U.S.A. I visited a family. I could not make out head or tail at that time when he said that my children and her children are playing together. Then it was my son who had to come to my help. He explained me how divorces bring in such a situation. He also explained me who is a half brother and who is a half sister. More and more marriages are failing and divorces have become common in this modern world. A divorce is socially acceptable to more and more people now.As such, news about a divorce is no more a hot news these days. Divorces do not draw either attention or condolence at all.The institution of marriage has changed dramatically over the past 100 years.Expectations are mounting among couples every day.Day and night we come across more and more divorces these days. As a result,courts are flooded with divorce cases. No longer a marriage is lifelong. Marriages have become more like changing of the clothes. Marriage ,divorce,remarriage,divorce etc take place in lives of numerous people and marriages have become Dolls play.In fact, there are more number of proposals from divorcees than bachelors with many marriage agencies.Marriages are losing sanctity.They are becoming more and more commercial. Married are becoming less and less human. A few are prepared to make any sacrifices. Ego rule the world.There is absence of true love between the couple. The relationship between a husband and wife is rarely cordial. No doubt, married are well educated and well aware of their rights but only a few of them are conscious of their duties these days.Husband and wife forget marriage oaths totally. Further,Divorce has become a venture. Compromise is now just a word in a dictionary.With many divorces and remarriages taking place,it has really become difficult to write genealogical tree and there wouldn't be much family affiliations too.Sooner or later the concept of family would go away on account of divorces. Mutual respect between husband and wife has also been declining day by day. Nowadays, only a few wives regard their husbands as God in India. Divorces make mockery of marriages.Divorce is nothing but a disappointment in love.

There are several types of divorce namely the no-fault divorce, summary divorce and, at fault divorce. Much can be said on either sides in a divorce. Divorce is not an easy task. It is a war.Divorces do not take place overnight. Divorces take time.Litigation is always a slow and cumbersome process. Both men and women are equally responsible for this kind of state of affairs. Selfishness is the main cause of divorce. Divorce is the final termination of a marital union, canceling the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage and dissolving the bonds of matrimony between the parties.It gives complete freedom and independence to the male and the female and thereafter,they are not husband and wife.

The Arabic word for divorce is talaq which means "freeing or undoing the knot" (Imam Raghib).In the terminology of the jurists. Talaq signifies the dissolution of marriage, or the annulment of its legality by the pronouncement of certain words. Normally,no love lasts between a couple after the divorce.A divorce separates not only a husband and a wife but also separates their families. Divorce imparts many lessons. Divorce teaches us that life is disruptive and rarely remains the same. A divorce is not either a complete solution or only a solution for the problems in marriage or remedy to marital problems. In fact, it creates more and more problems than it solves.Divorce is a very serious matter and should be resorted only when there is no other go other than it.It is not the best solution too.Divorce is a major life changethat can leave a person reeling. It is while deciding to go for a divorce couples face dilemma. Yet, day by day the number of divorces is on increase only.There is no sign of any decrease in their number at all. As a result, divorces have grown into astronomical numbers.They are becoming like a trend in our society.This clearly indicates that"Divorce Law"is being misused.Everything is not fair in divorces.Deceit is common in divorces.In fact,more divorces take place in developed countries than in under developed or developing countries. Western culture promotes divorce more than any other culture. There are numerous reasons for this kind of state of affairs.

Couples always do not apply for divorce for the same reasons. They normally apply for divorce with different reasons. It certainly includes the reason that it is impossible for them to live together.Divorces make the news.Divorce is a great loss and a crisis which has a huge impact the lives of everyone involved.Going through a divorce is a very challenging time in a person's life.At what stage of a married life the divorce would come up, it is impossible to predict even . It sometimes comes up at the early stages of married life. Sometimes, it creeps up in the middle of a married life.Sometimes, it comes at the old age too. Here are some frequently cited reasons for divorce:

1. Lack of commitment towards marriage, sexual incompatibility and infidelity

2. Lack of communication between spouses.

3.Abandonment, Alcohol Addiction, Substance Abuse.

4. Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse and Emotional Abuse.

5.Inability to manage or resolve conflict.

6.Differences in personal and career goals.

7. Different expectations about household tasks and financial problems.

8. Intellectual Incompatibility and Inflexibility.

9. Mental Instability or Mental Illness.

10. Religious beliefs, cultural and lifestyle differences.

Divorce is not an unpardonable sin.When the relationship worsens between a husband and a wife, when they quarrel day and night and when their life becomes a hell, divorce is the best recourse.What dissuades one from divorce is the fear that their family prestige would be affected and also that children would be harmed. Shakespeare has rightly said "There is nothing good or bad thinking makes it so" Divorce is an ultimate weapon which should be used sparingly.In fact, in some countries and some religions divorces could be secured with ease.

Sometimes,divorce is essential also. There would have been no life for many people if not for divorce. Many opine that there must be always freedom to come out of a bad marriage and the divorce is a remedy to a bad marriage. Normally, it is educated and wealthy people who get divorced. Divorces takes place even in royal families. They do not spare them. Who does not know divorce of Princess Diana of Wales? In U.S.A 40 to 50 percent of married couples divorce. Of course, divorces have not been taking place at the same pace in other parts of the world. As far as India is concerned, the number of divorces are no doubt on the rise, but they are less compared to western countries.

Divorces take place for silly reasons as well as for grave reasons.Sometimes no valid reason is required for a divorce. Divorces are obtained for genuine reasons as well as for false reasons.Wherever mutual love is absent , divorces take place.Though willingness to a divorce must come from both husband and wife, in reality sometimes only it is from both. Sometimes, it is from a husband only and sometimes it is from wife only. Many contend that money is the number one reason for divorce. More often it is the nature of couples plays a dominant role in divorces. Further, every couple either have superiority complex or inferiority complex. These complexes play their roles in divorces. Most of the divorces are due to personality clashes. Disparity in status of husband and status of wife, their mindset and education etc force them to seek divorces.Most of the couples who seek divorce do not think of even pros or cons of their steps. It is negative thoughts that mostly lead the couples to divorce.If there were no problems of any kind in married life,there would have been no divorces at all.If husband and wife are made for each other there would be no divorce at all.Influence of society over the life styles of couples is also responsible for divorces.

The least expensive divorces occur when both parties are willing to be divorced and have reached a mutual agreement on all issues. The more legal counsel they need, the more it will cost and the longer it will take. A quick and cheap divorce can be accomplished only if both parties are willing and ready to move on, uncontested. A good lawyer always wins bad cases. Divorce cases are lucrative cases for lawyers. More a lawyer collects compensation for his client, higher are his legal fees. A few lawyers are humane. Majority of lawyers are concerned about winning of the cases only. Victory in a case brings a feather to their cap. Lawyers always try to benefit from a situation.They seldom allow a family to remain united. They are seldom bothered about the welfare of clients.

Divorce is a controversial issue among the followers of different religions.Divorce experiences are varied. By and large,divorces are woeful stories.They are heart-rending experiences,often accompanied by chronic stress and deep depression.A divorce can significantly increase a person's risk for suicide.Divorce is rarely a renaissance it is like a death only.Only a few divorces end with happy note.One would not be in same mood when they get married and when they get divorced. Life after marriage and life after divorce are not one and the same.Life after divorce can be fantastic or it can be very tough also.In life after divorce, one normally tries to bury the past. But,burying the past is not at all easy.Only a few could do it.The past always comes back to haunt.Life after divorce depends on many factors It is important that divorce should serve the purpose for which it has been obtained.Life after divorce differs from person to person. It is not at all alike. It is often unpredictable.It is seldom calm and peaceful. There is no guarantee that all will be well after a divorce. After divorce it is always a new chapter or a new story or a old wine in new bottle again. Divorce often does not make people happier. Life after divorce is only sometimes happy and most of the time it is miserable.The situation that arises after each divorce depends on the circumstances of the divorce. It depends on individuals also. Some individuals repent after securing a divorce. They do not get married again. They remain single. Some individuals get married again.After divorce a few couples only remain as friends.Most of the divorced are at loggerheads even after the divorce. They hate each other. It is kids who suffer the most on account of the divorces. Because of divorces, a child would not receive due care from its parents.

As everything is not going on well with the divorces and as the number of divorces are also on rise , people have started thinking of ways and means to reduce the number of divorces. A divorce is a bad moral to follow for the future generations.Divorce is a contagious disease that affects society. According to "Quran" , divorce is the most hateful to "God. Prevention is always better than cure.Here, are some tips to reduce divorces.

1.Get married after about two years of courtship

2. Rethink living together.

3. Wait until you are a little older to marry

4. Talk about the big issues before you get married

5. you can argue, just don't let it turn into World War III

6. Do stuff together

7. Share the chores

8. Be as polite to each other as you are to strangers

9.Have issues? Get help

10. Marry someone who wants to be married

11.Remember also that 'A known devil is always better than the unknown devil' It is always better marriage takes place between those who are well known to each other.

12. A marriage must never be thought as a lottery, it must be a well thought out affair.