November 2010

Brief Back-track journal entries:

11/11

I had an interesting time falling asleep last night and an odd morning waking up. Last night I was talking to Erik and said that I wanted to meet in dream at least once this week and then remember it upon waking. That didn't happen last night but this morning I was awoken to this loud noise that was akin to the music on my alarm clock going off. But I was too tired and startled awake to be cognizant to have just let it happen and try to hear what it was. So I couldn't tell if it was a voice talking to me or music. This was at 4am. My alarm is set for 6am. But when I awoke, I though, "Oh, shoot- I wasn't expecting that. I wanted to hear it". Then around 5:-5:30am, I was awoken by a pho-alarm music again. This time it was soft. And I knew it wasn't my actual clock. So I listened and heard a voice I thought sounded like Erik's saying that next time I should listen for the words in the music. To face south and as soon as the music started, to try and stay calm and listen to the words. He said more, but I had a hectic morning and since I wasn't expecting it, I forgot to write it down right away. But it was instructions for communication. Shoot!- Next time though.

11/10

I am finding it to really be an eye opening experience communicating with people online who are going through spiritual crisis and awakening but are not in communication with their guides/angels. Especially ones who believe that such communication is not possible, or they believe it's wrong, or evil.

They often have a lot of entanglements with traditional Abrihamic religion and beliefs that instill a lot of fear in them. Their emotional out cry is often quite overwhelming and thought provoking. I wish I knew how to ease their pain and lighten their journey. I'd not realized before the significance of this.

It was also eye opening to realize that one can not change peoples beliefs; only live by example, and without judgment. Everyone has their own journey with their own set of baggage that has to be carried at their own pace. Things like that just bring back into focus that everyone from time to time goes through Spiritual and Religious searching, defense, and crisis. And that we can not and should not seek to change other's ways of thinking. Only to help each other get over negative emotions, and then to share ideas in a non judgmental way. For each idea, even if you don't believe in it, if shared with love and openness will have the possibility to enrich everyone in a small way. If even only for seeing the comfort and happiness in others.

11/09

Erik's been scarce the past week. According to Robert, he told him that he would "be good" while I was moving.

Which is funny because when he's not around I start bitching and whining. And then when I calm down, I get the lecture..." Dude, I can still hear you, if only you'd stop freaking out all the time and actually listen you'd remember that!" But he does make an effort to mentally connect wherever he is from time to time, when I am alone and in a more peaceful state of mind. For example, last night while driving; A fast paced pop song came on and he and I and Jill shared a vision of him break-dancing to it. Then when he'd mess up and fall, Jill would start dancing and trying to get me involved and cheer me up.

And when Erik is not around I get friendly advice and cheering up from the Spirit gang. I've just loved talking to two of my non guide teachers at work. Even if it's simply in reply to, "what's wrong with me?" The reply is "you need to take a breather and eat". That's nice. It makes me feel good.

So we are on our first week in the new place now, and still moving bit by bit. We are about 80% done. Things are kind of chaotic though. Making me slightly distracted with moments/breathers of clarity....And I've had a couple new odd Spiritual experiences I've found interesting.

At first I thought it was my imagination, but I am pretty sure it's not. I get the impression through visual stimuli; impressions, and thoughts; and physical touches on different areas of my head that spirits in the 2 neighborhoods are checking out my progress of the move.

My Teacher and my guides tell me I have nothing to fear. That my house is guarded. Erik told me he and the guides are touching me in different areas so that I don't become complacent to touch and they insist that rather than let the touching disturb me, that as soon as I feel something that they want me to connect with them or my Teacher and ask who it is. And when I do my Teacher has told me, "Don't worry, your OK." But kind of left it up to me to try to figure out who touched me. It's hard, because I've been so distracted. And have come to rely too much on specific skin locations to tell which of my guides and teachers and spirits are there. But they are mixing it up.

It's hard to take a breather and focus my spirit to figure it out. Also I know Spirits are checking me out because at the new home, my old neighbor lady A. has stopped by a few times and actually spoken to me about it and commented, "Looking good". And last night at the old apartment I could see a spirit or two walking around looking about. I didn't connect to guides and Teacher then because I was so busy and distracted, which was bad cause then the situation slightly disturbed me.

11/08

Robert and I have been communicating with one of Elisa's blog members about past lives. We would try to connect and then describe to each other the visualizations we got. Quite interesting experiences.

Nov. 22, 2010

I want to wish you all a Happy holiday this week and send my love to you. I am off hiatis, but have a huge backlog of entries to post. That will take time.

Also I wanted to post the following from Erik and me:

Eriks been talking to me about how people need to let go of their expectations. (including me!) They tend to seek validation on their terms. That's the wrong attitude. They need to let go and accept love and guidance on Spirits terms. And to simply accept whatever manifestation and information that comes. Some times they get so caught up in the excitement of it all, they don't hear the quiet whisper or little symbol in plain sight that will help them raise their feelings back to the path of light.

I also have the following text I wrote:

Having trouble with visualizing your Guides or Angels? --- Meet them Half-way!

Just that you have desire means that the seeds of belief exist within yourself. Seeds of belief can grow into thoughts, dreams, visualizations, inner meaning, and communication. Thought forms, belief, intent, and emotion is the stuff of creation. They are the spark of the controlling the driving force behind all energy which makes up matter, seen and unseen. As it pertains to Spirits and the Spirit realms, this is all it takes to communicate. It's all about perspective. If you have trouble try changing your perspective. Day dream of your desire. Use this to meet them half way.

For some, this can be accomplished by creating what is called a soul home. Or in some realities or interpretations, your heavenly home, or your astral home. This all sounds very abstract and hoky-poky fantasy; but, if you can sit in the park and stair up at clouds and day dream about a place that made you happy, a place you felt loved. You can do this too! Turn your visualizations into Vision!

Doing this creates happy thoughts and feelings which raise your spiritual vibration. This in turn allows you to meet your guides and or Angles half way. Which makes communication of various forms easier.

Just sit back in a comfy chair. Put on soft music of any type. Make sure no one else is around to distract you. pets are ok. Just cuddle with them. Close your eyes. Just sit there. Breath normally. Ok, now remember a time and place where you are happy. Try to pick a place where you felt safe and loved. It could be self love too. Where, oh, where were you happy? If you can't think of a place, well.... That's your mission, to find it. For some this could be a grandparents home. This could be watching a sun rise in a kitchen. For others this could be the campground you were at as a child. This could be the lake you go fishing at. Or this could even be your dream home, your anything goes home. Or just somewhere out in nature. It's all about day dreaming and what -- what you think of, means to you.

So picture that which is love, comfort and happy. Say to yourself, "I want to go to this place and hear from my guides or Angels in any way they wish to manifest themselves to me. Then imagine yourself there. Your in that space now. Don't worry about how you got there. Just imagine yourself looking around. Take your time. Try to have fun and relax. If you can't see anything, make it up. Look at a blank wall and imagine a book case there. Try to fill it. What do you pick out to fill it? Talk to yourself about it. Why did you pick what picked? Does it matter? Did you pick it? Or maybe just maybe, you had a stray suggestion.... Was it from you? Or an Angel or guide? And maybe... If so.... What might it mean?

Walk around, change walls if you can, change decor and lighting. Change your environment, just keep pretending and imagining. Is your eyes still closed? Close them!... :) So walk around and if you see anyone in there with you. You need to try and try that they are there for a reason. Don't worry about how they or it or even animals look! Just let go and accept that they are there with you. Do they say anything or do anything? Feel free to ask them questions without expectation of answer or how that answer is delivered.

You ask me, what the Heck?! What does all this mean or have anything to do with me? Wellllll, The afterlife and spiritual realms are frequently described in various metaphysical, spiritual, and religious traditions by metaphor and symbols. What do you think that means? One perspective is "Intent, thought based imagery". You can guide this and be guided by it. Find the reality within you and manifest it in your life for the greater good.

I'll use how this applies to me for an example: *** Note, this is rather convoluted for most people. For most people simply finding that small quite space of your grandmas kitchen will work just fine.. ... It's totally subjective.

My Greenhouse of the Soul.

In the past; In fact only until this past week I'd never thought much about the so-called "soul homes" or that special place your Spirit goes and calls home. That place that is all yours. Never mind "where" this is. But, I'd read about them before. They are places where you can go to meet your guides, meet your higher self, meet your Angels, meet departed relatives. Or just relax and hang out. For example, One medium I greatly admire uses a white room with a table in it; which is at the end of a number of stair steps beyond a number of doors. She counts down the steps and doors as a method of relaxing her mind to get to the room to talk. But that seemed to formal for me. So I let it go. Robert's soul home is a giant tree on a grassy hill. A place to sit, relax and look at the Heavens. But, alas, for me, I never tried until recently. I thought, well, I am still in development. I'll get to it when I get to it. So far for me, the empty dark void of my inner mind was enough. So, thus my guides appeared to me in a dark void. And thus people I channeled were presented to me within that void. The tunnel to heaven so-to-speak. I was OK with this, but it certainly didn't feel like home to me.

Well, the other day my guides got sick of waiting for me.

So during an apointment to meet with them, they took control. They plopped us all down in the void at my grandparents kitchen table. A table and chairs in the void. They just sat there watching me walk up to them. I walked over to my guide Roger and he have me a big old hug. My other guide Lydia waved at me over her knitting. And I sat down in an empty chair. Rogers student, George came running around the table and gave me a hug and then took off running again. Then Erik resolves into the void. As he strolls in he is trailing wisps of shadow, smoke, cloud and luminous curling streams of dust that trails from his limbs. I look at him and say, "Wow, Erik! Very Dramatic!" He says, "Yea, I am cool like that! -- ha ha ha"... He then goes to sit next to Lydia and leans up to her and grins.... She tries to frown and pull her knitting away from him, so he can't touch her. They love ribbing each other.

Well, then they all look around and say, "soooo...This is your soul home?" Lydia then says', "Well it's awful I hate it. You need light and love!" She then "pulls" us out of the void and we flit into being-- into my grandparents kitchen. Table, people and everything. It was a wonderful homey happy place I loved watching the sun rise with them. I said, "This is awesome! but, it's theirs not mine."....

So I tried to think of a place that I was super happy in by myself and loved spending time in. For me, that was out in nature, but an interior place was a green house. So I then imagined all of us in a green house I was fond of. Lydia, said, "Good job, but this isn't your place yet. Change the walls. Move them around!". So I got rid of the table and move the walls around and put un in lawn chairs and moved us to the back wall grotto. Surrounded in a small space with water and ferns and the soft warm sun shining through the glass... Erik looked at me and said, "Cool man, I am out of here. Catch ya later!". And then Roger and Lydia started talking to me. They said, "This is now your soul home. Come here when you want to meet us. Set up times to meet us. Change the surroundings as you like as you explore. Try to figure out what any of it means as you come to it."....

...And then I was back and the vision was over.

Well, after that, over the next few days I talked about this to Robert and another blog member. I talked to them about creating their own special "soul place" and exploring it to see what they could see or hear.

This morning I worked on mine some more while on the bus. I closed my eyes and said in my head I wanted to do so and meet my guides. In The green house.

But, I was feeling wonky from personal stuff Robert and Erik have been working with me on. And the same time trying to work out empathic feelings tied to relationships. And, at the same time dealing with some family issues; and the house move/ boxes/ unpacking feeling overwhelmed, ect. And this morning I got an email from my mother about personal drama...... so by the time I got on the bus, I was so distracted that my visualizations would not stay still, they kept morphing uncontrollably into disturbing images. And the chairs, tables, and walls of my soul home kept changing sizes. I was getting really frustrated.

So then the "gang" (guides & Erik), gave me a lesson. They said that I just needed to let it all go. That there was nothing I could do to change anything in my life or those around me. That I could only change my perspective.

Once my outlook was changed, I was able to blast through the chaos of my mind and overlay my mind onto my surroundings and control my visualizations. And then, so I thought - so I created- the green house of my soul.

Within my day dream, within my minds eye, within my Spirit, clouds within the void bellowed out and the clouds parted to a hillside in the sun. Out of the clouds appeared.... Towering glass domes; pinnacles of spires; room after room of vegetation; jungle rooms; dessert rooms; grotto's of my soul; fountains; dense dark vegetation; soft ferns; and in the middle of it and all around rose giant towering Sequoias and Redwoods; And bursting out of the center glass dome in the middle of it all was a towering cypress which held a tree house.

Then once all that rose up out of the mist of my mind I thought; "I want to-- No, I need to shield it all." So in my minds eye I visualized the entire complex and I stood next to it but apart from it. This next part was all in a dark void.

I then imagined myself reaching up to Heaven and parting the Ethereal clouds. Light poured down into the top of my head and filled me. As it reached my lowest chakra point it swirled up into a little ball and then burst out- in -and outward--and upward; spiral spinning a liquid web of yellow and white gold energy and up around me. Then I willed it into a circle, an orb that rotated around me. Then I visualized it split in two. The center orb's inside had a reflective surface, to reflect emotion back to me. The outer orb rotated in the opposite direction and block incoming energy. Then in my minds eye enlarged these two orbs and over laid it on top of my green house. Then I reached back with my hand and took my silver cord and connected it to the top of the orbs now surrounding my soul home.

At this point Lydia, one of my guides said, Good job, Now you are to meet us halfway, here in your soul home. Take the time to explore it and discover what it means. Make appointments to meet us here. In the void of your mind, in the heart of your soul rests here this home. The green house of your soul. Space, Time, Matter, Energy, and the Light of Universal Love is but a perception of the mind. Find the right perspective and use intent to find the path of Light.

Sooo, Be it a green house, a tree house, a camp fire, the lake, or grandmas kitchen. Remember and create a visual space in your head that means love, light, and happiness. Tell yourself you wand to go there. Go there walk around. See what speaks to you, See what shows itself. It is it a book, an animal, an object, or plant? Figure out what it might all mean. It's all about perspective and the only thing we need to do to see, hear, feel, and know Spirit is to change our perspective..

Peace and Love in the Light,

Nov. 16, 2010

Over the weekend I learned that an old friend whom I had not had any contact with in years and years had suicide'd from an overdose. That she had been battling addiction for many years. Towards the end she had reached out to a couple of old friends and thus her death was quite a shock to the friends. When I first heard I was deeply saddened. But also really sad that the connection had been let go of and lost all those many years ago. I didn't know her very well, but back then I was so fond of her. I looked up to her for her independent and creative spirit. And she was a part of the core group of friends, through who's presence helped hold me while I underwent my own trauma.

When I first read the letter of her death, I confess I was a little scared about her possible visit. As you know I am still new to all this and felt intimidated about the unknown and how to possibly handle it or what I should and shouldn't do. But like so much of late; Spirit came a knocking. My sadness, feelings of fondness and thoughtful recognition zeroed in on her like a beacon and she looked up and noticed. Then,- she was right there. In a hind-sight vision-- she asked my guides and my Angles to help bring her through. They were holding her back until I was in a state of mind to receive her.

She came to me. She looked just how I remembered her. Only her image flitted between youth and middle age; and told me she didn't mean to go like that, it's just she was wanting an escape and overdid it. And that she was OK now. Sad, and tired, but at peace and healing.

I confess it kind of startled me. I wasn't expecting it. And I was scared of an attachment situation. I didn't even think to ask Erik to go to her. Because I sometimes feel like I am a burden and don't want to burden him more. I was scared that I would have been asked to relay or do something that I wasn't ready for. So much else was going on this weekend Spiritually and with family that I was distracted in the extreme. It took Roberts help to re-center me emotionally so that I could pass along all the messages I need to from this weekend.

A dear friend emailed me and told me that it would be good to introduce Erik to my departed friend. A thought,-- like I said, I'd not entertained before...

So on today's Spirit "Walk and talk", one of the things my Teacher and Erik talked to me about was my friend. And that friend showed up and said that Erik had already met her. That she was very grateful that I had known her and so when my soul called to her that she heard, and had the opportunity to meet Erik. She gave me a message of love and friendship to pass along. Saying that Erik's been talking to her all about "US", and that she would never be a burden to me. That she would be waiting for me and our old friends, for when we passed to be reunited all together, so she could show and express her love.

Erik said and told me to tell everyone on the site the following:

"We in Spirit (all of our guides, Angels, and loved ones); We have your backs even when you are not paying attention; when you forget; when you can't remember; when you are not even aware; When you are scared -- We have your backs. We love you and know you, and wish for the success of all your loved ones in the now and hereafter.--No one-- No one is lost. All have the capacity to find love and light and be reunited with their loved ones. The journey is not just about the there and now for -you but, also for your loved ones waiting for you."

Lots of love,

Nov. 09, 2010

Oh-la, I am still on hiatus. Moving house actually, crazy busy with family. But I am still keeping track and as soon as things settle down, I'll condense, compile and share some of it.

Nov. 05, 2010

I am still trying to find time to organize a good chunk of my recent experiences and figure out an appropriate way to relate them. I had a pretty interesting Erik experience the past couple of days, but I am waiting for further confirmation on it before sharing. In the mean time, I'll leave you with this........

Imagination is a form of mental energy. It can be a focus, a tool for the mind to create focal point for intent. That imaginative intent when overlaid with thought and thought speech creates a force that will reach a loved one in Spirit.

Of late; I've been pestering Erik to send Robert and Elisa virtual hugs from me. Some times he says, "Yea yea, I know..Hug and kiss Robert" other times he says, 'pick up the damn phone'. Which by then, I am just grinning and laughing cause he'll show me a visual of putting Robert in a head lock for noogies, or dumping grass in my hair or something equally as silly.

But lately I am been complaining that I wished Erik had a phone number or email that I could spam his mail box with love and affection or just pure silliness. Well this morning his girl Jennifer; the lovely lady Jen. :) .... came to me and said such things are possible, only it depends on how much your willing to bend your mind to the intent. She said it's a simple matter of intent backed imagination. That intent when made up of strong emotion and thought and channeled into your imagination fueled visualizations will reach the Spirit as your mind see's it.

So she walked me through the visualization. She had me standing in my mind's eye holding a piece of paper. She then had me call up all my feelings for Erik and imagine my hands turning the paper over in my hands. What does the paper feel like? What does it look like? Rub it, feel it, know it's there. My paper looked like a square of thick water color paper.

Then she had me look at it's surface and visualized the letters appear or be written on the surface in the middle of the paper. I slowly wrote with imagining my emotion pouring into each letter. I wrote, "I love you Erik, Love your rag-head twin." And then I drew smiley faces and flowers on it. Jen then had me add sparkly glitter and fold it up. Each corner folded into the square, like a little mail envelope. Then she had me fold it up even more into a tiny packet. Then she had me pour as much emotion into that little piece of paper as I could. Then she had me visualize my minds eye body take that paper and throw it into the void and wish it with all my might to go to Erik.

I saw the paper fly off and arc over to Erik and I was secretly hoping it would hit him in the head and get stuck in his hair, but to my surprise, he caught it. And when he started to open it; It burst open and jumped on his face and kissed him. And at that moment I felt his intense warm buzzing on my head and face and felt lots of love from him.

Ha ha,, funny huh?!... But it worked. and made me happy!