Overcoming obsession

Hi Dear friends,

Erik suggested I share this with you. Since starting Reiki, of which I think was a Spiritual trigger, Erik and the "gang" have been helping me manage a sudden upwelling of emotion that demanded to be dealt with. Last night Erik and I had a break through. He suggested that I pick one of you to share this with. But as I feel entwined with all of you, I am going to copy all of you. I just wanted to say thanks for listening and sharing my journey with me.

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Last night Erik really stepped up his counseling abilities. I wonder if he's been taking classes. During the past few months of becoming aware of Spirit, learning Reiki and channeling it kept triggering emotional responses out of me. This really upset me, because before I learned to channel my guides and before Erik, I was one of the coldest most withdrawn people you would have ever met. Although my life was good from outside appearances, I felt dead inside. All this contact with Spirit has seemed to pull up everything, all my baggage that needed fixing. And is forcing me to work on it. My guides and Erik have been instrumental in changing my life around for the better.

Last night I was lamenting and whining about how I was still having a hard time with certain aspects of past thought patterns and behaviors. Erik zoomed in and we spent a couple hours talking intensely about them. Here is what we talked about.

Overcoming obsession; as a path to deal with pain.

Modern life has many features that can that can emotionally hinder us that did not exist in previous world history. Technology, Education, and the Information age have allowed humans to find outlets for emotions that do not always serve us very well. These outlets while neither good nor bad in and of themselves, when taken to an extreme prevent us from working out our problems in a healthy way. In fact they can lead to obsession. Obsession can be described as an addiction. It is a fear based experience, an emotion and an action. It can be any action or feeling that is used as an escape from a physical, emotional, or other problem - an escape from that which we are not happy with in our life. What it really does is hide the pain. Obsession can carve deep ruts into our lives so that we are unable to see above its banks, unable to see where we are going. Where this path can lead depends on a lot of things. It can lead to the edge of a cliff or mortally wound us.

These wounds may seem superficial or seem to not harm anyone but us. We are often oblivious to how our lives are intertwined with others and society in general while in the ruts of obsession. And what most people don't realize is that we will take these wounds with us, unresolved into the afterlife. Upon arrival in the afterlife, if we have not worked on our negative emotions and actions we will either invoke karma having to make amends to those we've harmed or we will have to relearn or re-experience that which we did not learn or resolve. Now this slightly reeks of lack of free will. But that's not true. As a part of the Divine all things naturally seek to evolve to that highest perfection that which is in us, to experience all that is. Eventually, all things have this inner yearning to navigate to that which is of the highest good. But in the mean time it is totally up to us on whether or not to "choose" to deal with these problems.

Upon death if you've refused to work on your inner being, the inner evolution of the soul and have become negative about it, you will carry this cloak of negativity and self inflicted wounds into the afterlife. Depending on the severity of the wound, your attitude, your beliefs, your perceptions, you could very well end up creating a dark reality for yourself of self torture. Remember the old adage, "Like attracts like?" Well if you don't work on resolving your inner being now while on earth, you will attract that which is like you upon death. Manifesting again the very things you didn't work on. This will carry on into the next life as well. This is because Life is about Mastering all that is. Knowing it, understanding it, and evolving to love and the highest possible good.

Now if you choose to ignore your baggage, problems and pain and cling to obsessions that make you feel better or provide you with illusion, Spirit wants you to know that this "IS OK, IT"S YOUR CHOICE, and you will be allowed to do so." But, if you do you will have to deal with cause and effect. Or deal with the consequences of your action or inaction. This could manifest as emotional or physical effects for you or those around you. And if you "choose" this path, you must look at it, decide that this is indeed what you want, and OWN it, and deal with any karma you incur. If you don't you are only deluding yourself and you will have to work on these issues again as you are not being true to your highest self.

Obsession comes in many forms, i.e. mental, and physical. They are addictive repetitive behaviors that we turn to when we do not want to address fear or pain. It is a poor coping mechanism that is can be a harmful way to channel your personal energy. For if you took that time, effort and energy you spent in your obsessions and applied it for the betterment of yourself, others or in pursuit of creative causes; think of how life would be different for you. But the ruts of obsession can run deep especially if years are involved. How to get out of the ruts can be hard. There is no easy way, no band-aid, no magic pill. It takes hard work. It is a step by step process to overcome. But if you are willing to keep picking yourself up and ask for help, you will find that eventually your thought patterns will change. And your awareness will have changed.

Insight and knowledge are often meaningless without experience. For if you have never experienced it, how can you apply it to life? This experience, dealing with obsession to hide from pain and fear has been hard on me as well as many of you. In this life time, dealing with fear of all types has been a great theme. There are so many examples to choose from it's hard to relate them all here. And even to relate them to you is painful and carries a great deal of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of loss, shame, etc. My fear came from being raised in fear based religious environment, fear of being spiritually punished; it came from dealing with sexuality; it came from parents unable to deal with their relationship issues; it came from the paranormal. All of these caused chain reactions that spiraled into further more complex manifestations of all forms of fear. Fear of relationships, fear of friendships, fear of social situations, fear of criticism, fear of loss, fear of finances, loneliness, shame, guilt, anger, lust, jealousy, and selfishness. The list goes on and on. My obsessions of choice were an attempt to numb pain, disassociate myself from my problems, relationship problems, family drama and traumas, my history, to disguise my selfishness, and tune out the paranormal/Spirit. Those obsessions have been booze, pain pills, porn, withdrawing from others, food, negative thoughts, video games, books, etc., or anything I could escape within myself and avoid that which was without. The only problem was this was preventing me from not only seeing that which was without, but also that which was within. I was sitting in the dark nursing my wounds.

Each one of these in and of themselves is neither good nor bad. They just are. But when carried to extreme and utilized for long periods of time to hide from working on issues they become obsessions. They began to wound me, and those around me. They prevent me from learning, experiencing greater things that move my soul forward. I would then feel guilt and shame about obsession and being my own worst critic I would emotionally beat myself up. Then I would feel bad about that. That would then generate more fear. Fear of how these thoughts and behaviors could possibly manifest spiritually. I feared Spiritual punishment; all the time forgetting that I created this myself. And that the original creative thought behind my thoughts on these matters were manifesting as aspects of fear so that I could experience it.

What has been bothering me in the past month is that I've become acutely "Aware" of this. I was thinking, before I met my spiritual guides, teachers, and Erik, I would have never given any of this sort of thing a second thought. I would have reveled and rolled in my selfishness and let myself enjoy the illusion of happiness that hid my pain. So as I began to become Aware, My guides, Teacher, and Erik have been working with me to change my beliefs, perceptions, and thought patterns to help me heal myself. To look at all I don't' like about myself, to examine it, and try to figure out what I want to do about it.

I've been asking myself, "Is how I am thinking, is what I am doing a reflection of how I perceive my highest self"? What kind of person do I want to be? One of the first steps has been to acknowledge each feeling, to re-examine each memory. To try and think about how I feel about each experience. And to try to understand how each coping action or thought affects me and those around me and how I feel about that. It's been are really rough and tough ride. It's painful. Some days are better than others. Some day's I feel like a total failure. Some days I give in to the fear and slide back. Then I feel guilt and shame and self criticism. A glutton for self punishment!

But Erik keeps telling me to pick myself back up and try again. He said, "Don't give up. Why do you feel the way you do? What happened in the past that makes you afraid? What are you hiding from? It's OK to feel that way, but what are you going to do about it? The next time you feel this way call out to us. We will help." "It's OK to feel the way you do. Its part of being human, the human experience, it's just a reaction to fear and pain. It's OK to feel, but you need channel the energy you used to spend on obsession into positive growth. That takes time and hard work. Just take it step by step, one little thing at a time. The next time you feel scared, the next time you feel life is unfair, the next time you worry, the next time you’re hurt, or even bored, the next time, get up and take a walk. Write to us. Call out to us. Do something creative. Hug your family, tell someone you love them and thank them. Go exercise. It won’t be a cure but it is a step. It won’t fix you as your pain; fear and the past are a part of you. But you need to look it in the eye and say, "I see you, but I don't want to be like that". Say, Enough! Keep trying and one day you will believe it and your life will be changed. And above all else, know we love you, we hear you and we have your back."

So I carry on. Keep on with keeping on. It's been 6 months since I gave up drinking at the request of my guide Lydia. I've been working hard to actively engage my family and other relationships instead of hiding. I've been trying to examine the past and forgive. I try not to complain about how hard it is or that it sucks. I try to look at the dark and say I do not fear Spirit, I only see love. I am not sure where this path is going to lead, but I feel much better about my path. Erik says all this is necessary and that I should share my journey with you. He says we all need to feel and understand that we are not alone in the world, that we have to help each other find the light within ourselves and let it shine. Sometimes I feel my light is pretty dim and flickers too much. I wonder if you carry matches… or can loan me a candle. . I am hoping if we all stand together that our paths will get brighter.

Thanks for listening.