2010

Dec.24, 2010

I've started Reiki training. I'll have a seperate section for that soon.

Backtrack journal entry: (The last week of October)

Where to start? Where to I begin? How can I possibly describe all that's happened to me on so many levels this week? It's almost overwhelming.

Almost every single day there is momentous Spirit communications and revelations compiled with awakening awareness and emotional setbacks. Pain, loss, betrayal, hurt feelings, setback, fear, recovery, love, forgiveness, learning, awareness, growth. On top of all that there was visualizations, external and internal. Meeting new people, being introduced to Angel's, and being introduced to the concept of nature spirits. And, yet on top of that... just trying live my daily life, keep up relationships, work and busy life moments.

I'd like to state right off the bat, that I think I am doing very well. Life is going really well so far. New and exciting things in family and home life. Work seems to be going well.

I seem to be taking all this Spiritual stuff well. Some might say this is from compartmentalizing co personalities and an overactive imaginations or some other term. I don't know what to say to people who don't believe me, other than; well,,,, why are you reading this anyway....No offense... just saying...

But I seem to taking things in stride. I've spent a ton of time and many hours talking to dis-incarnate individuals, living teachers, and friends about my journey. In the end this has had success in changing my life perspective for the better.

As I've recently come to understand. In this life I chose to come back with an awareness of Spirit. Thus, all my experiences with the so called paranormal. I find that I am often hyper aware of energies. Psychosomatic or real. It feels o-so real to me. Until last April all of my experiences were laced with fear from my evangelical turned atheist background.

That fear was dragging me down, causing me to only connect with lower level energies. To escape I self internalized. Closed my body and mind to everything but deeply self absorbed actions. I turned to booze and self obsessed activities that took my mind off the paranormal and life in general. But that only made things worse. And that was allowed by my guides, so that they and these negative manifestations, could Wake me Up.

Once awake, it stopped. I was allowed to go searching. And my Searching led me to my guides, which led me to turning my life, the way I thought and feel 180 around. I am not the same as I was 2 summers ago. I don't know who that was back then. But it's not me now. Now, specifically the past several weeks. I feel like I don't fit in my body anymore. But the lessons and feelings and questioning and dialog to get there has been a huge struggle on a mental and emotional level.

Well, around this time, the end of October;

Robert, Erik, my Guides, and a Spiritual Master/Teacher Robert and others share, and I showed up during a really long phone conversation with Robert. In which we talked about my 2nd super scary paranormal experience and what it meant and means for my life.

Then in addition to that, I've got some spiritual promises I need to keep to my guides. I can't move forward until I can re-evaluate my lie and explore what was revealed to me without fear. Then I need to make sure I am able to keep up my spiritual vibrations by living like I should/or want to. By doing that and avoiding self destructive behaviors.....I promised I would not seek out spirits for channeling unless "they" come to me; until I could fulfill my promise. That time frame being, until after the holidays or until they felt confident I could handle things.

Ok, So here's the story:

Back in the day, when I first met my spouse I was a hard core atheist. At the time, all things Spiritual was an anathema. But, I was still experiencing Spiritual / paranormal things. It really scared me. So this in combination with family issues; I totally shut down inside. I turned to booze, and absorbing myself in selfish addictive behaviors to try to tune out all things spiritual and paranormal and to escape family problems. I was heading down a very dark road.

Soooo,,, my paranormal experiences started getting scarier and scarier.

What our Teacher, Robert, and my guides told me, was that I attracted, or was allowed to attract a lower level entity. Not a demon. But a lesser evolved being. They allowed it to "wake me up". What happened was I totally ignored it and shut down further. Which only increased my fear. Which only enraged it. It simply wanted to be acknowledged. I ended up having a terrifying experience of it walking up my stairs, walking into my room in broad daylight; crawling on top of me in bed, and right next to my face, letting loose a blood curdling roar that was like a cross between a lion, and wolf. It was in my head and external and reverberated around the whole room and shook my bed. This was no sleep paralysis. I was already awake.

At that point I cried out for a higher power. It was the crisis point; the flare of power that resulted from my selfish ego mixed with my spiritual awareness that was the 2nd great turning point in my life. From that point on, I started my new spiritual journey. With each new awareness of spiritual information causing the paranormal to turn Spiritual and the negative to positive.

It was a long process that took 2-3 years, but like so many things it was a journey of ups and downs. Deep set backs and great leaps forward. Then last April or so, I had my first truly positive paranormal experience. At that point, all my negative experiences stopped. Then I met my guides. I've had a few set backs over the summer, but they my dear Guides, and family, my Angels, Erik and Spiritual Teachers, have held my hand ever since the whole way. -And have not let me down. I just can't get over how much they believe in me, even when i don't. It's a hard pill to swallow. That nasty ego. I wish I could throw it away sometimes. It just seems to have way to much baggage to my liking.

So, when they revealed the nature of that experience to me. I had much the same reaction as I had to the first revelation the week before with the Erik revelation. I was feeling hurt, betrayed, sad, and scared. It took some effort to understand that "They" did not do this to me, that in part I brought this upon myself. I was scared they were going to send the big bad wolf to come get me- so to speak. Even though Robert, Erik, my guides, Angels, and our Teacher talked about it all the time with me......Seriously; If it were not for our Teacher, I don't know how I could have possibly handled that revelation. Because at the time I didn't trust my guides and Erik. I was still to scared. It's taken me well over a week of all their help to deal with it. But, I've had amazing experiences since then. Namely I've discovered Angels! The love of my guides, Erik and Teachers still blows my little mortal mind. Although I intellectually know I had a big part of this before I was born, it's still very much ,,, WOW.

As soon as this house moving business gets taken care of; Our Teacher and I talked about re-evaluating my life in light of this new information. To approach it without fear. I've started writing down the kind of things to talk to my spouse about someday. It's hard. It's like I have to re-examine my life from a new perspective. I have to re-introduce myself to myself. Then re-introduce myself .... I also have a lot of learning to do. But with me the road has been pretty steep. I just hope I don't disappoint everyone.

But I have hope. And I trust my "Ethereal Family and Friends". Since last April I've grown and now I hope every day that I will be able to live the kind of life I should or be all that I can be so that others see the light through me.

Wow, that was a mouthful.

Over the holidays I'll try to go through my emails and update this journal to present time.

********************************************************************

Back track entry Oct. 29th

Jason to Ceridwen:

Thank you again so much for your soothing Reiki email.

I've been reading it all day. I work in a ------ and so have LOTS of time on my hands. I answered a couple of people on Elisa's blog as it pertains to belief and doubt, and I answered it properly but I got really stressed out. Quite often I am hyper sensitive to peoples feelings and emotional states. It's one of the things I am working on. To master my reactions to how people feel.

Anyway, Over the past few weeks, as I see it; Robert and I have been in contact with a Spiritual Master, an assended being. I was reintroduced through 2 metaphysical doctors we met through Elisa's website. Well, as I've recently come to understand. In this life I chose to come back with an awareness of Spirit. Thus all my experiences with the so called paranormal. I find that I am often hyper aware of energies. Psychosymatic or real. It feels o-so real to me. Communication with higher level energies seems to have blasted open my chakras I frequently buzz with hot energy like my soul wont fit into my body. But until last April all of my experiences were laced with fear from my evangelical turned athiest background. That fear was draggin me down, which until my reawakening causing me to only connect with lower level energies. To escape I self internalized. Closed my body and mind to everything but deeply self absorbed actions. I turned to booze and self obsessed activities that took my mind off the paranormal. But that only made things worse. And that was allowed, so that they, could Wake me Up. Once awake, it stoped. I was alowed to go searching. And my Searching led me to my guides, which led me to turning my life, the way I thought and feel 180 around. I am not the same as I was 2 summers ago. I don't know who that was back then. But it's not me now. Now, esspeically the past several weeks. I feel like I don't fit in my body anymore. But the lessions and feelings and questioning and dialog to get there has been a huge struggle on a mental and emotional level.

What I am trying to say is that all this has made me really receptive to precieved energies. Did you know math, numbers, and words can be sacred? The entire universe can be explained by it's symbols, and carry a celestial tone. Words channeled from celestial beings, Masters, Angels, and Guides carry power. That's why Angels so often work with numbers and sound/music. When my friends and teachers channeled words from their teacher, a Universal Master and Assended being, as soon as I opened that email I felt my chakras blasted and my energy scrubbed. Thus I was pleasently surprised to "feel" the energy from your reiki email. I didn't know that was possible.

I felt it right away as soon as I opened the email. I was floored. Sooo.. I just want to offer my thanks to you and your guides and Angels for this gift. They enabled the power and energy to flow through you. An amazing experience. I am sure its very subjective and one has to be open to it, but I don't know. To me it means alot. and I want to make sure the Spirits around you know my thanks!

love jason

********************************************

Backtrack journal entry:

Channeled Text: Nov. 3rd

About telepathy with Spirits.

So subtle is the difference between imagination and contact, yet there is a world of difference. When you imagine, you have no purpose. When you contact, you have a purpose. And imagination is in the background. Where so many people fail is not a failure of contact, but a failure of belief in your own imagination. For this is but faith. A lack of faith will sever the connection leaving only the will power of the dis-incarnate to fill the void, but only if they choose. You must seek contact with active intent and trust in the purpose of your intention.

Nov. 22, 2010

I am off hiatis now, but I've got such a backlog of entries here and in the Erik journal it's going to take me some time to back track and post entries for it all. (daily life and all...) Ok. Here is a question that came up on the channeling erik site. Someone asked:

Is the afterlife real?

Throughout time, throughout ‘this time’; Humankind has relied upon mysticism, tradition, religion in the search of the answer to this question. And they relied on Faith. What is Faith? And why rely upon it? What does the concept say about us and the universe around us? And, why do we use it?

It is the inner trust that a subjective experience is real and has some kind of meaning to us. How we interpret that and apply it to ourselves is one of the things that define us beings. It shapes our soul-form. It’s a combination of emotion and inner thought that gets applied to our life. We do this to ourselves, or allow others to apply it to us.

Over time this thought/feeling evolves and is shaped by our experiences and shapes our very experiences. Is what others experience, as valid as what you experience? Which is the right path? Who gets to determine that? Well, the answer is you. You do. How you define your life around you shapes your reality. The right path is that which raises your spirit. The trick is to figure out how high you want to go. Where do you want to go. What do you want to do, learn, see, feel, know. You think the answer is without you and elusive, possibly even unknowable. But it’s totally up to you. The choice is really all about YOU. The answer is within. Seek the inner light of love. Let it radiate out for others to see and it will light your way on the narrow path.

How you interpret that concept is fine and right for you in your now, but embrace the higher emotions and let go of the rest. Each has their own journey.

Spirits, Guides, Angels, and the Divine work behind the scenes in ways you can’t see to try and steer you in the right direction and make sure you feel the love. Cause if you can’t feel the love you can’t pass it along! Open your heart to possibilities and look to the the light of your inner flame, and see it shine in the Heavens.

Nov. 09, 2010

Oh-la, I am still on hiatus. Moving house actually, crazy busy with family. But I am still keeping track and as soon as things settle down, I'll condense, compile and share some of it.

Nov. 03, 2010

I was just reading and reflecting on words from one of my teachers, then I wrote down and felt inspired to add to what was said to me. It is one of the many subtleties of spirit communication. I felt you or those you love might find it food for thought.

A wise man once said about telepathy with Spirits.

So subtle is the difference between imagination and contact, yet there is a world of difference. When you imagine, you have no purpose. When you contact, you have a purpose. And imagination is in the background. Where so many people fail is not a failure of contact, but a failure of belief in your own imagination. For this is but faith. A lack of faith will sever the connection leaving only the will power of the dis-incarnate to fill the void, but only if they choose. You must seek contact with active intent and trust in the purpose of your intention.

October 2010

A fellow reader from the Erik's mom's blog wrote the following as a comment. I thought I'd share:

The Principles of Attitudinal Healing

1. The essence of our being is love!

2. Health is inner peace. Healing is letting go of fear.

3. Giving and receiving are the same. (A difficult one for me to grasp)

4. We can let go of the past and of the future.

5. Now is the only time there is and each instant is for giving.

6. We can learn to love ourselves and others by forgiving rather than judging.

7. We can become love finders rather than fault finders.

8. We can choose and direct ourselves to be peaceful inside regardless of what is happening outside.

9. We are students and teachers to each other.

10. We can focus on the whole of life rather than the fragments.

11. Since love is eternal, death need not be viewed as fearful.

12. We can always perceive others as either extending love or giving a call for help.

Oct. 31, 2010

Happy Halloween, I am taking a brief Hiatus to move house

Oct. 29, 2010

As I mentioned earlier this week has been especially hard on me. Lots of ups and downs. LOTS. A dear friend who felt I needed these words passed along an email to me that really helped. I'll share it now here.

...that fear in the face of the fearsome is what makes the fearsome fearsome.

Yet faith in whatever you belive in--- the face of the fearsome removes the fear, and turns the fearsome handsome. I mean, that which is fearsome can actually be good looking, if we are good at looking at it in a new way.

This takes a change of mind. It takes a new perspective. It takes a sense of wonder in life and an awareness that life itself is working with us, not against us at any level. Or to put it in somewhat more spiritual terms, what you believe in is always on our side.

The process of Mastery, then, is one of acceptance. It is a quiet embracing of what is. It is a non-resistence. It is a gentle walking into the moment, knowing that it holds for us, always, what is best for us all ways. Do you believe this? Then it is true.

*********************************

This morning I had another funny thought, It went along the lines of:

"A lot has been going on with us this week. A lot- a lot! At times it's almost been overwhelming. The roller coaster ride. The ups and downs, the loopty loops, and when it slows down at the bottom of the hill and starts to clank back up. I wanna just say...... Wait, stop, slow down.... I am gonna puke!.....

Only to be told, "Your (myself) in charge and at the controls"......"You keep saying one more time, faster faster"....

OH CRAP......

I think I need to name my roller coaster ride.... U?

Oct. 28 th, 2010

Very very recently as I've mentioned I've meet and been in communication with some new spiritual teachers. The things I've been learning is nothing short of world view changing. So I am not quite certain how to go about presenting it all as it pertains to this web site. I am still learning and exploring all these changes to my world view. And until I get a better grasp on that I am not quite sure how to present it.

The other thing that is flooring me right now is that through these new teachers and their guidance and, talking to Robert and Erik and my guides... I've been given new insight and perspective on my life up to now. It's this new way of thinking and insight that is radically changing how I SEE and VIEW ALL of my previous so called "paranormal" experiences. I know some of what, how, and why's of what I experienced as it pertains to the ooky-spooky-mumbo jumbo. And all this comes at an increasingly busy and changing point in my life. On top of just daily every day life, and the need to make sure that all flows smoothly. So... Expect long entries in the future. I don't' know when just then as I've got a ton of stuff going on in "real" life.

Oct. 26, -- I posted the new Erik journal entry.

Oct. 26, 2010

I am currently working on a major entry. Before last night I thought the entry I would be posting would be telling you that I wanted to take a few weeks off from the internet to work on "real life". A lot is happining in my life right now. All good mind you, just so freakin busy. And to be honest, I was slightly irritated with Erik yesterday and just wanted a break from all this. But of course like so much in my life; just when I think I can sit back with an ice tea on the porch, the Sh@t hits the fan.

Oct. 22, 2010

I updated my Erik blog with a new entry, but I am still on hiatus for a while. I've got about a month where I'll be super busy with life responsibilities that will take up the majority of my time and energy. Check back later for more.

mid to late Oct., 2010

I am taking a brief break in posting as I've been with the flu or some such and have to catch up on "work/life/family". I'll try to play blog catch up when I can. I still have entries as I write via email and text files before posting here. So when I do catch up everything will be dated properly.

Oct. 07, 2010

I am one of those weirdo book lovers who read several books at a time. Currently I am still reading "Science and the Paranormal - Altered States of Reality (Recognizing the Limits of the Scientific Worldview)" by Professor Arthur J. Ellison as well; I am also reading the book "Alex and me" It's about that gray parrot who was taught to speak, do math etc. And as well, I am dipping into several online texts; which are basically channeled books on mediumship.

You can read many of them yourself Here ..... or Here. Some of my favorite books are about what the afterlife is or might be like. Among them that I've really enjoyed are 3 books by Anthony Borgia - Life In The World Unseen;- More About Life In The World Unseen;- Facts. I don't claim that one book or the other is the "correct" version of what the afterlife is like. After all; I personally believe we make our own afterlife by our actions and thoughts. So it will be slightly different for everyone. You'll see what I mean if, should you take the time to read of few of these and compare it to the world's religions. There are many striking similarities and many interesting differences. One of these days I feel the urge to try to gather notes on it all and make some kind of organized sense of it all on the internet. In the mean time. You should try a few of them.

Oct. 05, 2010

Here is a good website link to more information about NDE. You can find similar content all over the web. Click here.

************************************************Thought for the day********************************************************

The great struggle.

To live mindfully. To make conscious effort to connect with the light of Spirit. And yet apply knowledge, teachings to the here and now.

To go on living and channel negativity away so that only positive feelings remain. Channel those feelings to positive actions.

All at the same time, struggling with life's little issues. Events beyond your control; others problems; suffering in the world; bodily pain, disease, and age. Remembering all this and yet find ways to nurture our selves and families. Remember to embrace and show as much love as possible.

What can all that possibly mean? Why should I care? That is the great paradox. You do not have to. You can internalize these ideas as much or as little as possible. That is the true nature of the universe...

The true nature of the universe is that your reality is the one that exists in your mind. That, that your version of reality is the very essence of free will. It is that free will that is the vehicle of evolution; Spiritual and Physical.

Oct. 04, 2010

I am currently reading some material on NDE (near death experiences). I find them enthralling. According to what researcher your reading about there are 1/2 dozen to a dozen or so stages of the NDE. Quite fascinating stuff. I'll try to go into them more later on.

Sept. 30, 2010

I was reading a web forum over lunch today. Reading the postings of a typical skeptic, who often is a staunch materialist; They were warning people of fraudulent mediums. Stating all their experiences where during their many readings where the medium or so called psychic got it wrong. First of all, if your such a skeptic; Why are you going to readings?

I was quite taken aback. Firstly people need to realize that there is a difference between a psychic reading and a mediumistic reading. If the medium/psychic was talking to spirits; you need to be cognizant of that contact with Spirits depends not only on the Spiritual level of the Medium, but the Spiritual level of said Spirit. The law of Vibrations holds sway on communication quality. The afterlife is made up of an unknowable amount of dimensional levels. Human Spirits are still people. They do not magically change when they die. If they died a bad person, they are not the greatest spirit. Some psychics and mediums are the same, and thus tend to only contact spirits of a shall we say.. lower level. Spirits from these levels will lie and make stuff up to make us happy. It is only by keeping our vibrations up and working with higher level Spirits and our Spirit teams for the greater good that we get appropriate communication.

Even then some times the answer is silence or "we can't tell you" or "no". Because, you knowing would hamper what you have to learn; and sometimes it is improper or not your place to know; or they are forbidden to reveal such things; or, that they don't have a close enough affinity with someone. Some times the answer is ask again later-for various reasons. Many many times they just don't know. They are just people, not God, and do not know everything. It all depends on their own level of spirituality or vibration. Often times they will only know the answers about someone if they talk to that persons guides/angles/relatives--so they wont have an answer for your other than an educated guess. If you are talking to a higher level Spirit; if you ask --They will ALWAYS tell you if they don't know something or why they are being vague or can't tell you. Also, just because you don't understand the answer doesn't mean it's wrong. Many times it's the journey of discovering the meaning behind the message that is the lesson.

Sept. 29, 2010

From time to time, I struggle with deep feelings of remorse that I can't make people's lives better. That I don't know the proper words to give them comfort. Even in my own life I let problems overtake me. I relish in selfish pity parties. Wallow in negative emotion rather than do anything constructive about it. Ideally I should connect to Spirit, seek love and guidance and then Live life like I should. Often this self absorb wallowing translates to fear of the unknown. I know many people cant relate to this. And I do often notice spiritual things others do not. All those things sometimes pile on top of one another when I am stressed out and exacerbate the problems in an incendiary never ending circle.

So, I was thinking about this kind of thing this morning and I felt moved to write the following; partially inspired, partially channeled.:

"Do not fear. Thought backed by intent from a personal perspective creates reality. There is no death. There are so many thoughts, so many realities. It is not for us to say what is right for you. Free will reigns supreme as a manifestation of God's love. It is not a matter of choosing one path to the light and one path to the darkness. It is up to you and your progression. The choices you make ensures a future that is always in motion. We are not "magic 8 balls" we are not fortune tellers. If you think we are, you are speaking to those of denser matter. Raise your spirit and seek the love and light of Heaven and God and weight truth with your mind, heart and very being against what you know. That will set you on the correct path. Not what any of us say.

Do not fear what you do not understand. There is a reason you do not know or understand. Often that reason is simply that you need to learn and discover it yourself. That simple journey is very often a reason. Do not fear death, Do not fear the unknown, Do not fear the dark nor the light. Is there an inkling of belief in the good of Man in you? Is there a shadow of suspicion regarding the light from the great beyond? Do secretly hope for the love of rejoining your loved ones in the light of God? Do you think this is all a fantasy? NO, if you have these feelings it is because your soul knows a truth. Are you brave enough to figure out what it already knows?

Take comfort in that what you do not know or understand. That too is a valid choice. It is better to ignore the unknown and live your life to the best of your ability than to seek answers with half a heart. "

Sept. 28, 2010

I am not normally into posting this kind of inspirational messages. But I believe I channeled these some time ago and they've just been sitting around on my computer for a while now because I didn't know what to do them. The first one I think is meant for me. But it might apply to others on a similar journey.

Channeled text from this month:

"Just because you connect with those in Spirit whom you've had communications with and learned things about yourself and them; doesn't mean you can skip anything. you are here for a reason, have lessons to learn, to improve your soul, to help others, to move ever closer to God. Promises to keep, trials to go through and conquer, ever seeking to do the right thing, the right path, which door to open. Truth is in the eye of the beholder and one man's truth can not infringe upon another journey."

This other bit came back to mind when I was told about how two of my friends were having a hard time with romantic loneliness. I wrote this down so long ago I have no idea if I read these somewhere and edited them or was inspired to write them. But they are good advice none the less.

Text:"

1) Know thyself! If your not emotionally healthy you'll have a hard time finding anyone to be with. It's never good trying to heal two broken people, specifically if neither knows what's wrong.

2) Know what you want in a partner and say so upfront! Why should the Universe or God help you if you don't ask for it. Why dig through the hay stack when there is a pile of needles already made?

3) Know your goals and say so up front! There are 40 planes going to Europe, but only one to Monaco. Your short on time, don't hedge your bets, keep your eye on the card!

4) "True love with the 'one' " is fun and exciting, but not always practical. If you want to be in it for the long run, it's more about give and take and bargaining. You want loyalty and values or companionship and stability? You might have to give up an odd personality trait or two. Or some other combination.

5) Find something your passionate about or good at and work at it for a while. It's easier to find someone with commonalities and compatibilities."

Sept. 24, 2010

In today's "Victor Zammit's afterlife report" [http://www.victorzammit.com/]

He talked about how recently a group of mediums allowed themselves to be interviewed for a documentary. They were mislead by the producers and editors in such that the end result of the documentary led them to look like crazy fools. He discussed it as a warning to the various different Spiritualist communities of the world. TO mediums everywhere as a warning to be careful of who you associate with.

I found this deeply disturbing. I totally agree with him. And I'd even carry the warning further. Just as you have to be careful of who you "truck with" in the spirit world. You have to be careful of who you truck with in life.

It's all about intent. And that group was mislead as to the intent of the documentary. It's often very hard to discern intent. You have to dig deep. This documentary, instead of focusing on moving people closer to God through the validation of the afterlife. Rather if focused on the precieved quirks of the mediums and selective subjective readings; which of course played them all in the light as frauds.

Intent: It's full of subjective emotion. But then I am pretty old school. The higher spirits don't give a whip about validation or answering your "will I get this job" questions. They are ONLY interested in moving you closer to God. Fixing your life so that you advance in the hereafter. They want you to know, "There is no death.That life is eternal. And what you do here, the lessons you learn here, your perceptions alter the next part of the journey. You and me, and everyone else are Spirits on a hike through a cosmic video game. This is the Human level. Do you solve the puzzle and move to the next level? Or do you reload and try again?"

I think that such publicity needs to stop coming from outside the community. Be you a Spiritualist, Spiritist, medium or other believer. We need to support our own and reach out. Stay away from Hollywood "ghost hunters" And stick to the message. We are here to say, There is no death. This is how we see it.

Sept. 23, 2010

I've changed the name of the website. The paranormal no longer seems so "ooky or spooky, or kooky" to me. I feel I have to move away from a theme of mystery, and fear of the unknown, to a journey of positive discovery and sharing. You'll see why soon. A little over a week ago I returned to a blog I had discovered via the Huffington post. *"A skeptic's journey through grief" It detailed a grieving mothers journey *Channeling Erik She wrote, "As a physician with a strong science background, I used to regard all things spiritual with a jaded eye--until the recent suicide of my young son, Erik. .....I thought my son had been ripped from my arms forever. But soon, Erik began to challenge that belief by making his presence known to friends and family through smells, touch, apparitions, conversation and mischievous pranks."

I thought this to be an amazing inspirational article. So I bookmarked it in my browser and returned every now and then to peek at an entry or two. Then one day early this month, I was overwhelmed with the impulse to try to read every entry. I was overwhelmed with emotion, and thrilled with the insight on mediumship I found there. I felt the immediate impulse to contact the mother, with a huge heart felt thanks. I agonized for quite a bit on whether or not this was proper. Or, whether or not I should leave her alone in privacy. Spirit pushed me to write. And when I decided to sit down and write; --All of a sudden I was hit by a vision. Her son Erik parted the ethereal veil, materialized in my mind and spoke to me. It was exactly like the spirit visitation I had in my sleep only I was awake. Ever since then for a little over a week now, My life has been turned upside down yet again.

I've created a new section on this site. It's a separate journal in which I'll try to share most of my experiences with Erik. I've created a link in the right frame, and in the main navigation on the left. Click here: Erik

Sept. 21, 2010

Turns out that someone new was not so new after all. I'll fill in some of the details one of these days soon in a really long post. Today, a day both joyful and sad, a celebration of a earthly birthday, a remembrance of a life gone too soon, and prayers for a family in pain and love. Today, I received a wonderful blessing. I received what I consider to be validation. No longer is there any shadow of a doubt. I think what makes this validation different from what I've received before is that this was unasked for and delivered with love and affection from a living human. Thank you!

Sept. 17-21, 2010

(I met someone new in Spirit while visiting a blog. Since that time, I feel that I've had what I feel to be among the most intense and amazing experiences I've ever had. For the first time I feel that they involve channeling someone other than my guides, and interacting with someone outside of my self. Increadably personal, intimate. I've been writing correspondence with a family member of a dis-incarnate individual, and at the same time having daily communication with this spirit. I thought I'd just be able to post word for word on what happened, what was said, etc., but I am realizing the content is so personal and involves living humans, so that I have to be very mindful of their feelings, ethics, and my responsibility. AND, like all of this, I have to take extra care--because if I am wrong, I don't want to hurt anyone living. And even though I try not to, I still live with the fear of it all being in my head. I've always been like that though. I think it comes from being too emotionally sensitive and fear of rejection. Anywhooo... I feel that I've been reintroduced to an extended Spiritual family. I don't know these people at all, the people this Spirit is associated with, but I feel like I've found a missing part of me I didn't know was gone. I also feel that the Spirit is now a teacher of mine in some capacity. I am hoping he'll help me figure out how much to relate about all this. I am kinda in a wait and see mode. Treading the rocks carefully. Sorry if that is way to vague to keep readers here. I kinda feel like I am keeping 2 journals right now. One that is super private, intense and emotional, and one where I am waiting for validation before I can write anything down in a public fashion.

Sept. 14, 2010

(Overcoming personal problems, buying a house, meeting another member of my spirit team-Lydia.)

What a crazy summer I just went through. I've not gone through so much in years and years. First this awakening to Spirit and all the experiences I've had in relation to this new awareness, on top of that-family stress- and the stress of buying a house. There was so much learned, so much experienced. There was a lot of good growth that came of it. And at the same time, there were a lot of things I didn't handle so well. I think it was the lessons I learned, from my mistakes and set-backs, the actions and inaction's that caused pain, hurt and suffering that I learned the most from. Things that affected my family and self for better or worse. Addiction, obsession, indulgence, selfishness; that lead to abstinence, moderation, selflessness, acceptance, forgiveness and love. I am not going to get into exactly what I've gone through but it's pretty ordinary type of stuff that many people go through. I am just grateful that the problems were almost all limited to myself.

In any case, off and on over the past couple of weeks; partially triggered by stress; I sort of back-slid into some selfish habits. Ignoring all else to try escaping life. But my spirit team stuck with me and kind of euphemistically dragged me back kicking and screaming on the right path. Words of wisdom, reassurance, protection, love, comfort, help with connecting to God and Spirit, little signs here and there. I know all this sounds pretty vague. But it's pretty personal stuff.

Sooo, during this; late last week and this weekend; as a result, I actually met another person of my spirit team. Lydia.

*on a side note. I've seen a specific number or quantity of spirit images in a particular reflective surface that I feel from past experiences that represents my spirit team. I also see these images from time to time in other surfaces and as visualizations in my head that resolve into moving images of the individuals. These visualizations accompany telepathic speech or emotions. In any case,

of those images, are the one's I've already told you about. Others; I've not yet met, nor do I recognize them. One of the images always made me uneasy.It was in the lower quarter of the glass; and seemed to be that of a woman with bunted up hair, white blouse, and black skirt-leaning forward with a serious no-nonsense look. I was always kinda weird-ed out because I didn't have a clue as to who it was.

-Well I found out. During a particularly self indulgent selfish episode of mine. I was overwhelmed with this presence and mental imagery of this "glass image" that resolved in my mind to a lady who for all appearances; appeared to look like an 19th century school teacher. This lady then suddenly started lecturing me, in a loud mental voice. Not yelling, not unfriendly, but as though I was a bad child who was getting a "talking-to". Very much akin to my 7th grade teacher taking me aside for not doing homework and misbehaving.

I am greatly paraphrasing; She was actually talking so fast and strong I have difficulty keeping up with her. So she ends up repeating herself. And she always reinforced her scolding with words of love and getting back to God and Spirit. Actually I was so surprised that I struggled to be polite.

I called out to Roger and cried out, 'what is going on?-who IS this drill Sergent?' Roger says they knew I'd need the extra help and discipline and guidance. That she was there to teach me, but that she couldn't do her job if I wasn't going to try, to cooperate, and do what was necessary to improve my life to communicate with higher Spirit.

It was because of her that I was able to get out of my funk and stop self destructive behavior. Although I am sure I will be a trial to them and will have to work on myself for the rest of my life. I am grateful for intervention; yet again.....

So, I've still got some spiritual work ahead of me, lots of learning, all the while trying to live life the best I can without giving in to selfish behaviors. I've also been given a huge reading workload.

I was complaining about what hard work all this was. How I was feeling overwhelmed. I was told life is a choice. I could live out any lifestyle I wanted, but for some choices; the possible consequences could be disastrous for me and those around me. But that if kept up the struggle to improve myself, learn, etc., that the enrichment to me and others would be beyond measure. That if we didn't struggle we would learn little and develop little.

Sept. 08, 2010

I had a most crazy week. First it was a national holiday (Labor Day)-which involves a lot of good family time. And this was the first week of classes of the university I work for; which involved new work duties. On top of that my family bought a new house on Monday. Extremely busy, extremely fulfilling. Spirit didn't really have too much to say out of the ordinary. Ordinary, I bet you find that word funny. As how can anything of that nature be ordinary. Well that's actually accurate sentiments. I still have the same issues and goals on a personal level and I still have the same type of phenomena that happens on a regular basis. Here's an example. I say to Roger or someone else, "So, what do you think of the new house?" the replies:

(roger--- "It's nice, we are happy; but we wish you could have had more patience and handled things better--what did you learn from this? Remember you still promised to work on..(insert goal).") --[can you imagine a disincarnate being roll their eyes at your behaviour?-that's really what happens]

(George---[I just saw an image of grinning little boy in my head, and then saw shimmering human shape in the air walk around the couch up to me, and squeeze my right hand and touch my head.])

(grandparents---[I just had flickering images of their smiling faces, feelings of love, incomplete sentences, touches on my face and head, I felt my grandmother hug me. It felt like a thick pressure, as if the air around my shoulders felt thicker-heavy-but tingles. ])

(Mrs. T--- very happy but distant. I see her fading in from a great distance when ever I really need her; most of the time she is with her son now, but does look in on me when I call)

--On a side note; My grandparents told me they are temporarily, not going to be around as often as the birth of their first great grandchild is about to happen. Apparently, on a normal basis-they can split their attention easily, but they want to be there in person. They also told me that they met with the new babie's Spirit guide. I am kinda curious if I will meet anyone new in Spirit then. One of the things I have to work on is improving my relationship with my brother so I can be in the child's life.

Sept. 03, 2010

I've created a U-tube page. Some day when and if I ever take a video I'll post it there, otherwise I'll just use it as a place to "like/favorite" videos I find interesting. Click here. Last night I came to some progress in some of my personal goals. With some suggestive prodding I came to realize I would benefit from seeking forgiveness from some individuals in my past that I've noticed online.

Some of my other goals are:

-learn to forgive myself

-learn to forgive others

-ask forgiveness and seek reconciliation

-constantly develop good work ethics

-live in the now

-give up obsession and addiction

-strive to connect to spirit every day

-let go of ego and selfishness

Also, last night I had some interesting visual experiences. Spirit faces and bodies in water, reflected surfaces and in mid air. Nothing scary, just an acknowledgment by spirit that I was moving in the right direction. It was very clear in my mind that was what was going on.

On another note, today I asked why hadn't this all happened earlier in my life, why no earlier visitations from passed loved ones. The answer was: "Because I wasn't ready, I was too wrapped up in my own grief, my own struggles to find myself. To grow up."

In my personal reading/research I am browsing some texts and websites as well as receiving some mental communication about optics and spirit, and how they relate. I'll go into more of that later. Right now I am off to a fun labor day weekend with family!

Aug. 30, 2010

I've created a photo section click here. In the future I plan to do a little itc experimentation during communication.

Aug. 19, 2010

This morning upon arriving at work I received my first bit of what might be considered 'junk e-mail' in regards to my online presence in this capacity. But then perhaps I misread. To be fair, I didn't look very closely at it. I try to be warry of scams and safe web practices. It seemed to me someone wanted me to use my experiences in some capacity to help the children of the world. What ever that meant. They wanted me to go to their website; take a bunch of so called "psychic tests" and who knows what. Just a brief look at it gave me a very uneasy feeling. So I wanted to put down in writing and make clear my current feelings on such things. I don't consider myself psychic. TO me; that term entails divination of the future or the seeking of hidden truth for selfish advancement. Or to put peoples insecurities at ease. For example. Say you wanted to know which job to apply for. So you went to a "psychic" to let them tell you which one you should apply for; thinking the spirit world or their intuition will tell you correctly.

I want to make it clear. I am not interested in that application of the human Spirit. I do not consider myself to have any special ability to foretell the future. I personally; don't even feel comfortable with such things--ethically. I am only interested in the following: 1) Discovering the truth of the afterlife and the universe we live in. 2) Using Spirit to help prove the existence of life after death. 3) Using Spirit to get closer to God and to advance Spiritually. 4) To communicate with those on higher planes; be it in love or to help advance closer to the light.

I firmly believe that we each have our own journey to take regardless of personal beliefs. And that we must embrace all of life's hardships to discover what we might learn from them. That's not to say that paying for "psychic" help is all bad. It's just that from my perspective; people often pursue such things from a frivolous and selfish origin. Again, no personal offense. I wouldn't want to hurt anybody's feelings. It's just that I was feeling so uncomfortable about that email solicitation. -- Thanks for listening to my rant.

Aug. 18, 2010

I had a good day yesterday; lots of good communication. Also the during the eve. I was able to do a task my spirit team has been wanting me to work on for spiritual development. Got rid of some distractions. Was able to get in a good meditation. Had some good mental communications from my guides that included some very clear mental images of themselves as well as thought speech. Had what I felt like George holding my hand while meditating as well as my grandparents hugging me at the same time. Quite an interesting sensation, that. I saw what I felt like them moving around the room and said hello, etc. Then I saw them move close to me and stand next to me. When my hand was being held I felt this thick heavy tightness and pressure on my hand and it tingled and jerked a little bit. I felt caresses on my hair and face and shoulders. I also saw what I felt were either energy or spirit lights a couple times. Once was quite dramatic. I walked around the corner from kitchen to the living room. The house was well lit from lamps. At about a foot higher than my head at about 2-4 feet in front of me running along the wall... as I turned the corner 2 brilliant gumball size orbs flared white/blue into existence. They arched into existence trailing tails of light and twined around each other in mid air while traveling half the length of the wall and then vanished into thin air. At the same time another smaller orb traveled in a spiraling motion down into the floor; and several shadow orbs arched across the living room on the opposite side. Lots of static air hallucinations all night. Of an interesting note: All this movement and communication; well.. it stops when I meditate and pray or do so called light work. I get the distinct feeling that "they" don't want to interrupt and wait for me to finish.

Aug. 17, 2010 (-Q- How to talk about what I've learned about obsession, temptation, self gratification, selfishness, and the hard work of overcoming it? How to talk about, the consequences of not improving spiritually)

I had a good weekend in terms of "life in general"; but, in terms of my spiritual life- It was one of the most challenging I've yet experienced. I had a major setback and yet another recovery from a past obsession of mine. I am not going to go into detail here because people I know in real life might read this and I am too embarrassed to talk about it. But needless to say; it was a very big deal. It was only because of the love and intervention of my Spirit guide and relatives in spirit that I was OK; and because I listened to them was able to make a quick recovery.

In the middle of this process/event, a night passed. During that night I had an odd experience with being mentally bombarded with mental imagery from lower level human spirits. But not how you might think. It was all orchestrated by my spirit guide. I was never in any danger, and felt mostly safe. But I was being given a lesson. Briefly- Basically this is what happened:

- During the weekend I became cognizant that I had let negative energy/spirit influence a past obsession and not even knowing why (because I didn't want to be that way) I allowed myself to become obsessively influenced so that I deliberately blocked out my spirit team and God, for selfish reasons. After this had happened I came to realize what I'd done, and what had actually happened. Afterward:

- I could not get to sleep until after 3pm.

- I was absolutely buzzing all over my body sensing spirits around me. I could feel the energy all around me. My skin practically crawled. And, I saw them coming and going all around me; my fuzzy air hallucinations. This time it was not a pleasent or facinating experience.

- Every time I tried to lay down and fall asleep, I was bombarded with mental images of faces fading in and out of focus. Some of them scary. Some of them doing disturbing things. And superimposed on them was an image of me in bed. My guides were at the 4 corners of my bed guarding me. With glowing light around them. My main guide was right next to me. His arm around me, and his hand on my head. They were holding the spirits back. But allowing them to project their thoughts at me. It was amazing and horrible all at once. "IT" was the first time I received clear mental images of people's faces in my mind. And I didn't direct any of it.

It was explained to me that, "This" is what I risked if I couldn't conquer my obsessions. That my "experiences" would not go away, but I risked the negative influences if I didn't work hard every day to stay in tune with God, with the light. That God, my Spirit guides and Angels would never leave me if I made the wrong choices, but that they can and do withdraw if I deliberately ignore them. They will always come if called and be there to guide me. But that if I was willfully selfish and turned my back on them, that there are "others" waiting outside the light. Waiting to jump in. Like a horde of gibbons, waiting to whisper to me. But that even though we might proverbially close a door on a path we might take in life, that God will open another door for you. There will always be a path to improve spiritually. Action comes before advancement, Intent comes before action, Freewill and willpower comes before intent, and Spiritual influence guides us all whether we know it or not. Our decisions and intent influence what type of spiritual guidance we get and listen to. That calling for help is paramont. That anytime I got even an inkling that I getting negative influences that I should call for help.

-Afterward I took necessary steps to help ensure that I could overcome such obsession in the future. I was told that I should take several months and work on keeping this at bay; and studying, reading for my spiritual education from the material I've found. And that if successful at the end of this I could begin again some serious mediumistic training; with the caviot that my guides felt me ready.

So... That's kind of weird I know. But I know fellow spiritual students and certain people will understand the gist of what I am talking about. It feels good to get that off my chest.

Misc: August, 2010 (Miscellaneous thoughts and communications)

Sometimes, I get the distinct impression that whomever is "visiting" me during any certain point of the day, gets impatient with me in such that they might think my progress is too slow. As if they are frustrated I am not at a point in which I am willing to make communication. It's really weird. I'll see my "optical illusions" moving about and get flashes of frustration or impressions that someone is trying to get my attention. But sometimes, I just feel like I can only deal with so much; or, I am just tired and want to be left alone. I know that might be selfish. That I am experiencing these things for a reason. But I am not too worried. Roger says I have all the time in the world to work on myself. I just have to take things slow, step by step, so that I 'do things proper'.

***************

Another thing I find fascinating. I may have mentioned it before. When my spirit team communicates with me, it's via "telepathic speech" sometimes I'll get flashes of "emotional feelings". But when what I feel are- "others"; trying to communicate--; I seem to get mental images. Like flashes or bursts of "pictures" in my head. It's hard to describe. And sometimes the images are very weird. Almost as if the spirit was just trying to get a reaction out of me. This doesn't happen very often. Very seldom, but when it does; it is very noticeable. And it does not correlate to anything I am thinking about at the time. Nor does it remotely resemble anything I've ever thought of or imagined before. But, it often does correspond to a visual hallucination. Be it orb movement, shadow, fuzzy air movement, or reflective transfiguration, and sensations of touch or energy.

***********

You know; As I've told you before, I have some form of communication or "experience" every day. It varies. One thing I wanted to mention was that the other day during a regular communication Roger said that because at this point in my life; I didn't have anyone to "Sit" with or practice communication with that my experiences were restricted to what energy myself or my guides could provide. Thus; Outside of my Spiritual and moral development- that this would limit the team to working on my visual, auditory and mental interpretations of Spirit communication. That this would entail trying to manipulate my plasmic body so that my physical body could properly interpret communication with my etheric body. That I would be allowed some choice in the direction of learning within a certain frame work. I was told that due to the solitary nature of our communications, (i.e. no sitters) that I would not be allowed to do writing or deep trance. That they would work on my ability to see and hear communications mentally and outside of me. This could include some of the lighter forms of physical phenomena. I expressed some interest in visual ITC. I was told this would be possible for experimentation; At some point I could use my camera and buy a video camera if that is what I wished. But I was warned again, that most ITC that people take part in; Communication did not come from the higher planes and did not hold much value in moving one's spirit forward. But, that it did eventually hold value in helping others who had passed move themselves forward as well as helping prove to others the continuance of life after death. But that it was at this point, more vital that I work on moving my own spirit forward rather that worry about anything else. And that under no circumstance would the spirit team allow divination or take part in frivolous "entertainment or boredom" activities.

**************

Aug. 10th entry (follow up from a spring 2010 entry)

Last spring I mentioned that my friend and next door neighbor growing up- mother had passed away. And that I had experienced what I felt was an after death visitation message from her. Before all "this" started happening this summer. I felt too timid and scarred to say anything to him about it.

But after I started having all these new experiences and having what I felt further communication from her as one of my guides; I promised her that I would tell him. Either in person or via mail. So, the end of last month I finally worked up the courage to tell him all about it, and that I was convinced she was looking out for the both of us. In fact, I did so shortly after those Trance experiences I told you about.

As soon as I finished the letter to him, and sent it off; I experienced, what I can only describe as the sensation, of a bombardment of images, mental speech, and feelings from the Spirit of what I associate to be his mother. I've never had a dream like that before and this was no different. I've never had a moving experience like what was taking place. So surreal. I was almost overwhelmed with what she was broadcasting to me. I "saw" her. Very very clearly. She was grinning ear to ear, laughing, crying, very happy. She "told" and "thanked" me, called me terms of endearment, and sent me intense feelings of love.

Almost an hour later I heard from him. Just a text message of shock and a promise to contact me soon. Later in the week I got a follow up from him. He was not offended or disbelieving like I feared. In fact he said what I told him "clinched" the reality of it to him. That he had-had several very vivid dreams about his mother. And that he felt her presence around him all the time, and that it gave him a lot of comfort. That what I told him made him believe that she still existed and was there for us.

Later on I was going over this experience with Roger. I told him that "this" made all these uncertain experiences worth it. But I asked him about the dreams my friend mentioned that he had. Roger said that was normal. That Spirit uses every opportunity to help us whether we are aware of it or not. The dream-scape, the hallucination, intuition, sudden inspiration, the little voice on the wind, all have value. It's up to us to determine what to make of it.

August 10th Entry for:

July 25th and 28th, (2nd and 3rd experiences with intentionally induced trance)(an update from a previous entry)

On the 25th, without any prompt or pre arranged agreement I decided I would try to induce some of the physical experiences and visual "hallucinations" I had experienced before. I just decided what the heck and thought I'd give it a whirl. I said some cursory prayer and just "started". All day I had been experiencing some of my visual hallucinations. Fuzzy walking shapes. Shadow orbs and some tingling sensations.

I tried to meditate; to let my vision go; tried to see beyond the room; to look at everything yet nothing. I tried to feel relax and let my mind and body go free. I tried to let myself feel everything.

I felt like my consciousness or sense of awareness was going muffled. Kinda like a drowsy feeling in a big pile of blankets. I got a spacey sensation like my perception of the room was spinning and I wanted to close my eyes. My vision was going in and out of focus and I felt very relaxed. I slumped back in my chair and noticed that I didn't have much sensation in my hands or legs. I know that it sounds very weird and hokey-poky screwy.

During this excersise I had the distinct impression that Roger was not there. But that my Grandfather was, and possibly George. And that they were kinda of agitated.

But then I "saw" this fuzzy air, in the vague shape of a short person. I "saw" an arm, and legs as fuzzy static air. It "moved"-walked to me. Drew close to me. From the middle of the room up to me. Very quickly. I got the impression of "it" touching my feet and legs. I know some people are sensitive to energy fields. For example: Some people like me can "feel" when a strong magnet come close to their skin. Or can feel the energy off a cheap microwave or cell phone; or when you get to close to something electrical. It's almost as if there is a static heaviness in the air around point of contact with your body. And it slightly throbs. Kinda like the static from rubbing a balloon. Anyway; I felt that on my legs. It moved up them to my left hand. At the same time, I saw this fuzzy shape near my hand-- In front of me to the side. In the middle of the table. Then I had that static heavy sensation envelop the left side of my whole body and I couldn't feel my hand any more. My hand suddenly felt like it had no weight. And my elbow got twitchy. This went on for a while. I am not sure how long. Then it went away. After that I roused myself up and moved to a different spot in the living room. The whole time, I thought to myself: "left side energy merge, "why left side". At my new location in the living room, I decided to look at the reflective photo frame I'd experienced visual transfiguration before. But this time the images were really weird. Very distorted and kinda creepy looking. So I stopped. And said my closing prayer. This whole experience lasted about an hour.

Shortly after I started experiencing very sudden Cold symptoms. I thought what is this? Am I now sick? Who gave me their germs? OR, is this a Trance Hangover?? What the ??

My symptoms were:

total exhaustion, feeling drained of energy as if I'd stayed up studying all night. mild nausea, dizzy, bad head ache. Lasted rest of night an into next day and 1/2. In fact I found such a reaction a shock and told people the next day I thought I was coming down with something.

Why what when:

Through communication with Roger and my reading I discovered that what I experienced was a form of light Trance. It has many similarities to self hypnosis and transcendental meditation. Which can have side effects. And that the sensations and bodily reactions may or may not indicate spirit activity. And can vary greatly. But that in my case, because I did not pre-arrange a sitting with my spirit team, and didn't follow all all the pre-communication procedures I was given that I "potentially" allowed other spirits to use and interact with me in a way "we" didn't have complete control. "IT" was a form of test and lesson for me. That the only ones of my spirit team there were my grandfather and George. And that my grandfather protected me, and George was allowed to interact with me as he willed. That I got sick like I did because I didn't allow Spirit to work under controlled circumstances. That if I had done things properly in a pre-arranged manor that they could limit the side effects I experienced and control experiences and phenomena for my benifit. Other wise I was potentially allowing myself to be used in an unwanted fashion for frivolous reasons that benefited no-one. I wasn't sure what to think of that. All I knew at the time, was that I felt terrible.

After the 2nd day I felt fine. Right as rain. So I knew that I didn't have a cold.

Later in the week, I told Roger that I wanted to try this trance thing again. That this time I wanted to do it more formally on their terms. We arranged to do it in the morning on the 28th. So I waited until the appointed time. I sat down on the couch faced the reflective photo frame. I "felt" that my team was there. Various communication ensued and I was guided through slow methodical prayer and light excersises.

Opening myself in a certain way.. I am generalizing now, but it was very much a "Now, do this... Now do that... no like this... that's right, now this.." sort of instruction. I went into a light trance. There were no physical energy merges this time. Most of the "work" seemed to be altering my vision in ways I've mentioned before in previous entries. Such as: my field of vision became a fuzzy white fog or mist. A blur. Colors, after images and movement of shapes overlapped my surroundings. I was told, they were helping me manipulate my plasmic body to affect my physical senses so that I could more easily have and sense such such experiences and that with excersise, with practice would help train my body to more easily interpret and "see" what was going on around with and interact on a deeper level with Spirit.

And the funny thing is; Is that this "session" only lasted 10 min. Afterward s I got sick again, but it was much milder and only lasted a half hour or so. Roger said, "This" was the difference between the two experiences. That in this session, "They" controlled what happened and worked in such a way that was best for me. Thus minimizing the reaction to ethereal and plasmic manipulations during light trance. That to not formalize a working session, or to work without reason out of boredom I was risking adverse reactions and unwanted interactions.

If this was REAL, it was quite the lesson learned. I realize these experiences will not and do not fit in with what others have experienced, but to me-- for me, it seemed real and true in so much as it pertains to me and my circumstances.

*On a side note: You'll notice that I keep playing the skeptic and ask, "Is this REAL". My guides often tell me that I am quite stubborn, and a willful child. And that I am quite adapt at letting my mind run a muck. But that they still love me anyway.

Aug, 6th (Friday night (12:30ish am.) (a disturbing waking dream?)

So about 10:00pm I fell asleep.

Time passed and I experienced a very disturbing lucid dream followed by an even more disturbing (waking hallucination)/hypnagogia experience. OR.... it was real. To me it seemed very real, but then again, If you think me deluded-that's OK too. Also, I am willing to accept this was my imagination or sleep disturbance.

I distinctly remember becoming aware of my dream. There was a moment that popped into existence. I seemed to walk and float through a house that seemed to be a weird alternate version of my real home. Except the lighting was weird. Areas of non directional light and shadow. Kind of washed out looking, but with great detail. But the detail was strange. It consisted of messy clutter. Almost as if a storm or looters had come through the house and scattered everything about. I was feeling really confused and didn't understand why things were the way they were. I remember asking myself, 'why is this such a mess'. It was really making me upset as I traveled along.

Then as I walked into my dream vision "bedroom", I saw a trash littered floor surrounding my bed. And as I started to approach my "bed" I was suddenly "tackled" or grabbed from behind and the side. It wasn't Harsh or hurtful. It felt kind of like someone through a blanket around me and wrapped their arms around me and pulled. I saw this figure as an indistinct shadow of non-descriptive form-no features. But I felt a body next to and around me. I felt a limb and hand around my back and holding my right hand.

This sensation of "grab-or-tackle" made my floating body move to a horizontal position. I felt myself rotate in air and travel to the bed as if I was tossed onto it. I felt like I was floating in water. As "we" traveled to the bed, I felt surprise when expecting to hit the bed--, rather we passed through it to the floor on the other side. Right into the middle of clutter of which fit in the exact replica of my "real room". I felt sort of in shock/surprise. My night stand was next to my head of which I turned and 'saw' my book case. I wondered what on earth??!! Why am I in the middle of all this trash?! But then I noticed this "thing" around me; holding me. I didn't feel paralyzed, scarred or worried as one would experience in 'sleep paralysis'. So I was confused about what was happening. It seemed so real. So shadowy but vivid.

Then shortly after this "surprise" "Being" accosted me. We were laying on my floor. We/I started to float up to my bed. This was the point during which, I realized I was having an out of body lucid dream/experience. We floated up to my bed, and I started waking up. Or felt that I was.... I distinctly recall the bed suddenly had tactile sensation and felt solid. I remember "looking" through my eyes-open. Then at that moment, I "felt" the being next to me, arm around my shoulders hand grasping mine. But; I got the impression that "it" wasn't solid. "It's" arm and hand went through my bed-- under me-- hand up through the mattress to grasp my cradled hand. I felt a hand, I felt nails. My mind was racing trying to figure out what was going on; Was this real! As I thought about it, the nails felt more solid. My hand started feeling uncomfortable as the nails felt more and more solid with pressure. But it didn't hurt; It just felt very weird.

At the moment of this realization I became more alarmed. I remember thinking, "Am I dreaming?-- Who is holding me?" As I thought this, I feel that I became fully awake. I started to hear, a gruff male voice, in my ceiling facing ear. As though the "being next to me" was hovering over me, face/head/mouth right next to my ear--- and-- loudly whispering-- a gruff, deep, male, voice--- whispering gibberish. It didn't echo, but had a resonance to it that went from soft to loud-and-clear. I almost wanted to say, it "felt" angry. I just had this hostile feeling in my head that I felt was radiating from this being.

At this point I felt that I was fully awake. I verbally said, "What the heck?!" and I rolled over and all the sensations and noise went away. I looked at my spouse who was still asleep. I looked around the room, and didn't notice anything. I laid back down. And looked at the dresser and window. I saw a white/blue fuzzy orb or pin prick of light arc up over the TV and disapear. As I closed my eyes I had a mental image 'flash' in my head of a man in shadow across from my bed glaring at me.

Now I opened my eyes again and I felt pissed-off and angry. I was mad. I had a suspicion that this spirit attempted to use me, feed on my energy. It was as though it sensed that I fell asleep without connecting to my guides/God/the light and that my spiritual firewall was weak and it was trying to get to me. Although I may have been mistaken. Maybe it was just trying to communicate. OR it was all just a weird dream and I was hallucinating.

I then started praying. I called out to God, called out to my guides, my relatives I've communicated with, I did my "process" clearing and shielding, that I've been shown. I called out for help. At this point I had another mental image -flash; while at the same time-- I suddenly "felt" a warm soft fuzzy static sensation surround my body. I felt love as my body started to feel a little weightless. The image that flashed in my head at that point was of several light beings of an indistinct nature--glowing a soft white-- surrounded me and "pushed this dark figure away from me" I saw it "swoop" away from my room and vanish in a cloud of shadow and light. At this point I fell asleep praying.

Through my recent readings, instruction, and experiences I feel like I've begun,- to be able to discriminate between my physical, etheric and astral bodies of which seems to provide some recognition of what might have happened during this lucid dream experience. That spirit-voice and physical sensation was so strong and clear; I didn't doubt for a second it's authenticity. Although I am OK if you think it's all in my head...

I was pretty mad the entire rest of the weekend. In fact I didn't do any scheduled "meetings" with my guides. I was kind of in a funk of "why me" what did I do. I sort of feel like I got my feelings hurt from this unwanted contact. Sort of an abandoned feeling. But over the course of the next couple of days I did have communication from my Spirit Team.

I was told:

-Nobody abandoned me. -All things happen for a reason. -God does not give you more than you can handle. -The being/person didn't actually harm me and I was never in any real danger. -That it, was allowed to happen to show me what can happen when I am not vigilant with connecting to Spirit due to forgetfulness. -That the experience was useful in teaching me to recognize an out of body experience, and to recognize my other body in a different plane. And it taught me what to do when such an interaction happens. To re-connect with my body and deal with the unwanted spirit. Namely, calling out for help; clearing my energies, shielding my mind and prayer to God-my spirit team-my passed loved ones who are with God in love and light for the greater good. -AND that indeed they did come and help and comfort me. In Fact I had vivid communication with my grandparents. Images and their voices of them saying that even though there may be times I feel alone and in trouble that I was never alone that they and God loves me and would never abandon me. That all I had to do was call and they would be there.

Sooo, Even though I sort of threw myself into a pouting funk after the experience I realized that it was a learning experience, and that I would always have help that I needed even if it was not of the form or time that I wanted.

Mid to end of July (Two weekends of Trance experimentation)

-- I am trying to make the time to relate my 2nd and 3rd experiences with this. In each case I'll try to go back and detail what was going on. During each instance I experienced mild to severe physical side effects from it; Most akin to sea sickness or a hangover. But I also had what I considered positive outcomes from it, gained new insights and instruction. In that regard; I've written up a new section in my glossary in regard to my research in Altered states of consciousness I'll try to find time this first weekend in August to further detail my experiences with it.

July 28th. (house hunting)

--During the month of July we had not gone house hunting since my new experiences started snowballing. I was kinda surprised or shall I say I had the most fascinating experience tonight with my visual and physical hallucinations/experiences while viewing homes for sale. In some of the homes, I walked into empty rooms and 'saw' shimmering air in the shape of a person. I was kind of surprised. And from the mental impressions I got at that moment, the 'air shape' was too! One of the 'shapes' seemed to walk around me in a circle, and then seemed to 'pass through' my body. It felt as if my skin tightened up all over and I got the pins and needles-static electricity feeling. As it did so I got the 'feeling' of disbelief, agitation, irritation, and the distinct thought of "get out". I said out loud, "Sorry, we're just looking, Don't worry". And I promptly turned around and walked out. -- Very weird experience. In the house's with the 'air shapes' - they were 'very' noticeable to me.

July 26th & 27th (Mental exploration, instruction, contemplation and walk at the usual time.)

- I finished reading the first George Meek books. I just love his explanations of the afterlife, it's organization and the physical process of what happen during the event of death. It rings true with most of what I've read from other sources.

-Through my guide and my readings I gained valuable insight into learning about why people act the way they do in regards to religious beliefs. In particular in regards to my mother. And what I can or even should or should not do about it.

-Had the fascinating sensations of the spirit child 'George' holding my hand as I walked.

-Strongly feel like my grandfather has tried to recently communicate with me in a more meaningful way. I've had him respond to either of his nick names he used in real life. Have felt when he communicates with me, that he often calls me 'son'. I have mental images with him fading in and out of looking like an older man and younger man, superimposed upon each other. I really noticed the "new wavy hair". I notice him more in my waking dreams and see flash images of him a lot during other communications.

-started reading "Spirit teachings of Stanton Moses". Am totally floored by beginning revelations into the nature of good and evil of society, human history and the nature of civilization. The writing is very moving and impressive.

July 24th. (middle of the night-early early am.)

--I woke up to what might have been a lucid dream or out of body experience. I felt I was standing behind and below my body in bed. I felt I was being instructed in 'protection techniques.' It involved this swirling transparent, amber colored plasma or mist around my body. It combined music, visual images of swilling color mist or plasma all around me. I kept hearing, 'someone say, 'move it faster; combine it with the music; stay focused; keep your mind on God.' I was also Seeing two white fuzzy figures/people on either side of me. I was also Hearing what felt like grandparents voices. I also was hearing different 'external' voices in the room, one in particular trying to communicate; But I said, "no I am too tired to do this, I don't want to do this. Stop. " Then I felt like I had this big thick blanket wrapped around me, and everything became muffled and I felt heavy. I fell back asleep.

July misc: , 2010

-- -If I start to pay attention to the walking fuzzy shapes, I've had them come up to me or follow me around. I've even felt that as "they" approach; I felt what I've imagined to be touches on my face, arms, legs, neck or head, or hands. I've even had them come up to me in the bathroom. When I've noticed this in my home, I've told them to go away until I come out, and they have, or they've seemed to have backed off. ie. turned around.

-Some times I've felt like when one of the voices show up, I'll start seeing movement of the 'fuzzy shapes.

-A few of times, I felt like whatever/whom-ever was in the room with me; I saw the shape come up to me, and what I can only describe as try to merge part of their energy with some part of my body. My legs or a hand or arm. Or it would pass through my torso and head. It was like encountering static electricity. I'd feel a tightness all around the affected part of my skin and all the hair would stand up/ goose bumps. A couple of times, I'd suddenly get super tired during this. My vision would blur and go weird. I felt like I was on the edge of a dream state precipice, looking down into a swirling whirlpool and felt slightly nauseous.

-Some times, I notice these fuzzy shape images approach me out of the blue, away from home. At work, and once just recently at my parents house, while I was on the toilet! I "saw" this shape come through the wall, stop in front of me, got the impression of shock, and then come right up to me, and just stand in front of me. I said to it, "I don't mean any disrespect, but can you please leave the bathroom, while I am sitting here. It's gross". I just got more shock. As if whoever it was was surprised I noticed them.

July misc: , 2010

-- I've often wondered of late; What should I post, and how much of it should I. You see because in the past month, this spiritual journey seems to have become more and more complex and involved in my daily life that I feel like I don't know where to begin. Or, how to find the time to relate it all. Some times this journey seems overwhelming and I just want to take a nap.

Among the experiences I've related so far over the past month or so; In what I've not related as of yet; is that -basically I have experiences or communication every day of some type. (I'll try to find time to relate these to you, when I get a chance) Meanwhile, As you can see from my new book list; I've been reading a lot. The reading I've been doing, has been of the most remarkable revelations I've ever had/experienced in my whole life. The explanations of the after life in George Meek's books are amazing. Written for the modern human using science concepts. They give great detail and modern explanation for the afterlife.

My experiences of a physical, auditory, and visual nature continue with some days more or less active than others. I'll explain more about that later.

The communications I get are still of the same quality, instruction and moral-spiritual content. I am absolutely certain now that this is a guide that I am connected to. The clarity with which communication occurs is as clear as if I was talking to one of my family members standing right next to me and speaking to me. Often (mostly in the beginning) this communication came uninitiated; Then as time passed it's come when I've initiated it. As soon as I address this being by name, aloud or by thought, either from a question or statement; I get a reply. Conversation ensues with no difficulty. Although-on occasion, the strength of the voice seems as to be coming from a greater distance. And at those times, it is softer, and is not made of of complete sentences-so-to speak. Another interesting aspect of communications is that there seems to be a specific group of spirits who are with him at times. -not always; and not always all together. Sometimes it is just 2 of them, sometimes it has been only one of the 'others'. -- I strongly feel these are 4 other spirits. Communication with them has not been as clear. Rarely do they say anything. I'll explain:

I feel that the other 'members' of my spirit team include the following;

*my paternal grandparents-- I've distinctly heard their voices as I remember them saying words of love; That they are there, and they love me. When I've "heard" this I've received mental images in my head of them. All these communications comes in brief flashes, when I've questioned my guide or when I've felt sad, confused or scared. I feel they are here to support me emotionally. They don't seem to be in the 'group' all the time. Mostly during times of instruction or when I am scared or upset. (On a side note, I've asked where my maternal grandmother was. I feel I've been told that she is busy and cant come. She was bed ridden/handicap her whole life. My intuition wonders if she is now living another life, or away on a mission or some such)

*my old next door neighbors mother; of whom I had the lucid dream/after death visitation from -- I'll call her Mrs. T for privacy reasons. I seem to have a strong connection to her. I feel this is with motherly type of love. Also I still need to figure out how I am going to tell her son her message. Her part in my "communications' has been more frequent and clearer. She is helping with instruction. So far, specifically in teaching me protection techniques, and helping me focus my thoughts and energy on God and the light. When I am ready to do these things I see her come to my mind and I feel her turn my mental body towards the light, taking my mental hand, turning my head to 'see' the light, to guide my focus. As she is doing this I've "heard" her say to me, "Meho, look here; do this"; as well as felt love. When I follow her instruction I have the successful protection and clearing/cleansing experiences that you'll read about else where. But, in short -when I follow her voice and guidance- in my vision-- it is as if a rolling cloud of white and yellow billows out of darkness-which peels away into a brilliant formless center in which pure light radiates out to touch me.

*George -- I am not sure what to think of this spirit. His presence came as a bewildering shock. It took and still takes a lot of contemplation as to his nature. He seems to have some type of special attachment to my guide as a pupil. That he is on a lower level but transitioning to a higher one. He is being guided and taught to bring this about. And that being brought along with my guide is a part of his learning experience. In my mind, he seems to be a young teen, but with no distinguishable features. I only think he died young. When he comes through he seem very animated as children are, and when I've heard him, it is very loud and quite clear. But not clear like my guide. My guide offers "actual dialogue and conversation". When I hear from George it has been laughter, giggling, and childish one to several word statements. I often get the mental image in my mind of him 'peeking' out from behind Rogers legs while Roger is talking to me. Other times I get the strong feeling that he is associated with some of the visual experiences I am having. In no way do I feel threatened or scared, but I've often felt as if he is like a child running underfoot and blurting out to interrupt an adult's talking. He is not always there with the others.

I know this seems bizarre and crazy, but I am convinced this is real.

July 16, 2010

-- I was woken up this morning by an insistent resonating sound in my head of what seemed to be my cell phone ringing over and over again. My cell was turned off and downstairs.

July 14, 2010

I've had an rather hard month so far. Life has been very busy with family functions, work and a death in the family. So I've not taken the time to say as much as I could have. But my 'education' in Spiritual matters of the after life have continued as well as other paranormal/mediumistic experiences. Of which I'll write about soon.

Due to the stress caused by the death and family, I've been advised to take things slower with regard to exploring visual and induced phenomena. I've been told that I should work on my spirituality, knowledge base, and getting my life in order first.

I recently purchased these two books. They relate the happenings and experiences of the Bristol Spirit Lodge. You can get them here at the Lulu book publishing site. I believe much of their content, or similar content is also on their website for free.

'Charlie'

By Christine Di Nucci, Jack Hunter

The aim of this book is to provide an overview of the communications and teachings, received from a spirit called "Charlie". The entirety of the information contained herein was gathered during seances conducted at the Bristol Spirit Lodge, a centre for the development and promotion of physical mediumship.

"Spirits in a Teacup"

By Christine Di Nucci

Questioning the reality of life and death has led one housewife along an adventurous path towards discovery. A True Story.

July 05, 2010 -- (a death vision)

5am-8am

I'd been having a hard time sleeping the previous couple of days. Almost like my mind and body wouldn't settle down, or be calm enough to sleep. I felt like I just had all this nervous uncomfortable pressure about my head. Sort of akin to when your mind is racing. It was as if it was in a constant state of apprehension. Like there was a major distraction but I didn't know what.

Late that night early that morning I finally fell into a restless sleep. In the wee- hours of the morning; right before I was to get up for the morning; I had a sudden--with great clarity--lucid dream or vision.

I was half awake, aware that I needed to get up for the day. When all of a sudden, every thing in the world stopped. The was a momentary great silence; then, a sudden loud bang.

All of a sudden I was looking at the stair well next to the bedroom. It was as if the hall was lit up and bright as though the overhead lights had been turned on, but in a strange white uniform way.

Then a dark male figure made up of fuzzy shadow, began ascending our stairs. his features indecipherable. But I did notice it seemed to have a fuzzy face, in the way of a beard, and seemed to move slow and strangely. The look of it did not make me think 'shadow person'-at all, but really bewildered me.

It did not come into the room. It just ascended the stairs from the dark hole of the stairwell and disappeared or dissolved into lit up air at the top.

I didn't know what to think of this. I was really bothered by it. I said to myself, Oh, I don't have time for this, and I rolled over and the vision went away.

Later that evening, I had the sad news that my mother's husband, (who I'd only met once-at my brother's wedding) (who had a beard), had passed away at that same time as I had the vision. He died from a horrible blood disease after a long traumatic struggle in the hospital. He had been very sick for a long time. He was very religious and a man of strong faith.

I find myself wondering if I 'saw' his passing?? Was what I seeing, my minds way of interpreting his--Coming out of cloud of darkness? Symbolic of real event? or mental representation of spirit moving from dark unconscious state through the planes to heaven.

I don't know for sure, but I am 100% sure it was very real. It was as moving and real to me as my last lucid dream/ death visitation. Further reinforcement to my mind that all this I am, and have experienced in life is real. Although I am OK, if should you think I am barking mad.

July 04, 2010 -- (The Lesson:)

Proper openings-

Introduction to trance. --Adjusting the vision. and transfiguration of a photo-- evolving afterimages and color changes--static movement and streaking shadow orbs--

proper closing

Today's communications were at a pre-arranged time. I came downstairs at the set time, and listened to what the voice said to me. He talked about the nature of visual communication and the explanation of subjective visions. Interpretations and what we might gain from it.

He talked about how to conduct a proper opening before communications and experimentation with Spirit. While there are many methods and ways of starting the most important is to try to connect with the light, with God, with the good spirits. To offer thanks, protection, and assistance.

While he was instructing, I sat on the couch looking at a big photo in a glass frame in front of me. While I sat there I started to go into a light trance. I felt my body go limp, but at the same time heavy and numb. Kinda like when one is reading, and you are trying not to fall asleep. You can still read, and are aware of the text and book, but your surroundings and the world around you started to fade and go soft.

As I stared at the frame, listening to the voice talk, A blue and white sparkle or a mote of light appeared to the side of the frame. About a foot from it. As it resolved into being, it was white in the center and had blue glowing edges. It was three dimensional and seemed to be an inch or two in size. As soon as it appeared it moved in a wave motion across the frame and then dissolved into nothingness.

While this was happening, the edges of my vision became a transparent, weird white blur, as if I was looking through a white tee-shirt or a mist. I was also uncertain if I was experiencing after images. As shapes of furniture and wall structures and stuff in the room had white outlines that flashed between yellow and blue. For example it seemed as if the wall of the stairwell railing had a blue glow, outlining it.

Also during this; as I looked at the picture frame, the world took on a muffled quality to it. As if I was under a blanket or akin to when it snows outside. As I gazed at the photo in the glass frame, I suddenly saw shapes that as I concentrated on-became what appeared to be people!

In it I saw, in what I now believe, is my spirit guide and those with him. In that frame I saw an older man in a tweed jacket and white collar and bow tie with a bowler hat and mustache in profile. He was the biggest image. To the lower left side I saw the image of a dark haired boy. To the upper left side I saw a dark haired woman. To the upper right I saw the image of a male and female together; I got the impression that they were a couple. And to the lower right I saw a weird distorted face. None of the images were as clear as a normal photo mind you. They had a strange fuzzy quality to them. But they were a lot clearer than most ITC photos I've seen. Now I know this sounds crazy. I totally wondered what kind of hallucination or fantasy I was giving myself. But, I strongly, no... very strongly feel I was being shown something important that related to me.

Then after this, the images faded in and out of clarity. The Voice continued instruction. Continuing on with, then how to close an interaction with Spirit with prayer, thanks, and contemplation, and wishes for further guidance from God.

As I sat there, I came out of the trance. I felt very happy and light hearten. And shocked at what had just happened. I felt the voice didn't depart, but hovered about in case I needed further guidance. The entire rest of the day and often in the ensuing days I've noticed the images fade in and out of existence to varying degrees. Some times it is just one or two of the figures, sometimes just the big one I see as my guide. And, sometimes, just the original photo.

July 04, 2010 -- (the appointment-from last week, actually happened the week before)

Where to begin? Such an experience is definitely not the norm in today's world. But if considered as akin to experiences by those in religious communities, it holds many common similarities. So in that what many would consider a delusional crackpot experience to many others is a mystical experience of life changing importance.

I am afraid this recounting of events/happening is not going to be as complete as I'd like. Because as I've mentioned, this new found interaction / experience is almost fairly constant. Or, at least I feel like this presence is almost always in the back of my mind. Or with me. And I find when it's quiet, it can still pop in at any moment for commentary; or should I speak/think out. That probably sounds nuts to many people, but it's as if I am never alone. Although if you've ever read any material of Spiritualist information on the afterlife, according to that; that is exactly the case. There has been so much communication so far, I feel somewhat at a loss to even relate to you the details of it. It's mostly conversations of a spiritual and moral nature, explanations of the way life works, the afterlife, my day to day life; but full blown conversations.

Surprisingly, a lot of times, if I divert from asking about topics outside of a spiritual and moral nature, I get replies akin to, "That's an inappropriate topic", or "you need to wait and learn life's lessons", or "when people go into such topics and seek information and communication outside of God's guidance into day to day trivialities; that is when they get into trouble and risk influence from lower level spirits". I've also gotten feedback along the lines of; "you're not strong enough for much other communication yet", you need to be patient and improve your spiritual knowledge and learn spiritual lessons before you should attempt anything else".

Time for my appointment drew near. And as I mentioned before, the thought/voice was seemingly subdued. I wasn't sure what to think of that. As time approached I was feeling anxious. I had decided that I would meet this appointed meeting during a walk along the river. Of which was fine to the Voice. While waiting for the 'meeting', I was feeling strange. I was expecting my guide to just sort of 'pop out of no where, and shout boo! Here I am!' But I was getting the feeling of being watched, and I had this feeling in my head as though I could heard someone offering a good natured laugh or snickering. As though of someone trying not to laugh.

I thought to myself, what is going on? I tentatively asked, "You've been here all along haven't you?". The Voice/thought said, "Yes, I know you are early to everything, and knew you'd be wanting to start early, so I've been waiting for you"

My guide thought this was funny. So as I got up to take off for our 'meeting-walk', I got the feeling that they were filled with great mirth at the whole idea. My guide went on to explain that while he might not be physically near me in the earth plane all the time, that we were strongly connected mentally and that in Spirit and thought we were always together. That for him, I did not need an appointments or specific meeting places. That in the far future, if I were to ever work with any other spirits- that, that was when appointments were proper. Not only for politeness sake, but for practical reasons. He explained that much of the time he was close to me near the earth plane, but that if he wasn't I could feel his thoughts or presence in the back of my mind as a far off sensation. And that if I wanted to communicate, we could still but it would not be as strong. And that if I really needed something, emotional support or spiritual protection or some such, that others would be able to take his place.

To my readers: I'll give an example, the night before this walk/meeting; during my nightly prayers/ I typically ask for protection and comfort; Well, as I said, I felt like this Voice/thought was subdued and quiet, errr or not around. So after my prayers I went to sleep. But a little bit later I woke up to feeling of someone sitting on the end of my bed by my feet watching me. I strongly felt something sitting next to my feet as if the covers were being pulled under them against my feet. At the time it did not scare me, but it did weird me out. I kicked my foot out, pulling the sheet. I think could have sworn that whatever/whomever was sitting stood up. Looking back on it, I feel that it was someone else looking after me that night.

Ok, back to the meeting/walk. We were walking along and my guide was expounding on the nature of our meeting; explaining and talking about Spiritualist texts I've been reading; and talked to me about my spiritual journey; Where I was in my current position in my moral and spiritual journey- where I needed to be to advance, and what I needed to do to get further, and how to go about it. Along the way explaining the reasons why. Nothing judgmental, but explaining how up until now I wasn't ready to move further along. That all I had experienced in life so far up to now had guided me to learn the necessary life lessons to get me to this point.

It ended up being 45 min. of amazing revelation and companionship. I ended it with commitment of pointed daily communication, and a promise to learn what I could and work hard to improve myself.

On a side note: During the past two weeks I've learned a few things about my guide that really surprised me.

- My guide and the few other interactions I've had, have shown them to have a great sense of humor. I was really kinda shocked by that.

-The other thing was that my guide was always mysterious when I wondered what gender they were or what there name was. Well several time, while mulling this in my head; my guide would suddenly switch to a female voice. I was sort of floored, by this demonstration. They said, it didn't matter what gender they were. That they could reply as a woman or a man. I didn't really understand it. I found out during our "walk/meeting why". Which leads me to the next revelation.

-My guide was, up until that point was always quiet about their name. I didn't ask, because always before I got the impression that it didn't matter. But during our walk he told me, that he had lived many lives before. As both genders and had-had many names. So it was hard to pick just one. That we had so much in common, he appeared to me as what felt comfortable to me, to put me at ease. As we were walking along, I thought, "well, what if I want to call you something?" "what would that be?" My guide laughed and said, "Well..., -why did you pick the 'pen name' that you did?" I thought;, "well, I picked first and last names, because one was my middle name, and the other a family name; and I just thought the middle name sounded cool. "I spoke that middle pen name I had picked out,- "Roger". --He gave me the mental image of a big grin and said, "You can call me Roger".

-The other interesting revelation, I first experienced with clarity was a new physical sensation. At an early point in our walk I started feeling this tingling tightness on the top-back of my head. I almost would have said it feels like someone with their hand on my head. My guide explained that they were near me and touching my energy to improve communication.

Well, dear reader; That's all I've got right now as it pertains to this experience. Since then, I've had some more instruction on how to improve my life spiritually, some courses of action to take. Of which I've done to help me fix some inappropriate behaviors and thoughts. Trying to get me on the path to a more healthy outlook on life and how I live it.

Last night was the first night of family gathering for the holiday weekend. I did have an interesting experience at my parents. All of a sudden during a big jovial gathering, where everyone was laughing and having great family time, I had a sudden vision of my step grandparents resolving into a mental image, which overlapped the back of the rooms furniture. Part of the overlapping image was as if I was peering into a well lit long hall that faded back into the distance. They were standing there grinning and laughing. I suddenly felt the urge to tell the other that they were here! That they were standing with us!.... Then I heard my guide say, that "they were so happy to watch the family and all the love everyone had for each other. But, They couldn't come in clearer, as they were busy", (with what I don't know...); "but that they were so happy to look in on the family. As even if loved ones and family couldn't physically be with us in the earth plane that they could see and hear us via thought and spirit."

***************

July 02, 2010 -- to be posted soon.... (the appointment)

I'll try to post the details as soon as I can. I simply ran out of time. Between work, family, and the holiday weekend. But I will say that today's 'experience' went very well and was very positive.

July 1-2, 2010-

(The poke)

The same day that I received the advice via email, I took it to heart. I thought, said and wrote down that I'd like to set a time to "talk" the next morning during my lunch walk. Ok that done. I went home and tried to go about life. The voice-became more subdued. As if it was more distant. But I could still sense something in the background as if I called out it would still answer. And it did after a fashion, but it was softer in clarity and more brief in commentary. I didn't really think much of it.

That night, or errr last night; I was feeling kinda anxious. There seemed to be more 'optical' movement going on while while watching tv. I couldn't really pin it down to the movement or the feeling of being watched or nerves or what. So when we went to bed the feeling persisted. I'd had a couple glasses of wine before bed and thought I'd go right to sleep. But I tossed and turned and kept waking up. I'd said my usual 'prayers' ect. and preparations for bed. The door was shut, the air conditioner on. Some time around midnight, I guess. I was awake and laying on my side with my body facing the center of the bed and I very very distinctly felt a finger with a distinct finger nail "poke" the center of the back of my hand. I could tell from the position of the finger nail and direction of the poke; that it was as if it came from away and above-next to me. At the same time, I softly "felt" this giggle in my head via thought form. This did not feel the same as the "Voice". Not at all. It was so freaky. I was very startled by it. My heart was racing. I kinda whipped my head up and looked across the dark room and 'thought' I saw two shadow forms in people shape; a short one and tall one move by the dresser. I couldn't be certain it wasn't the curtain, but it seemed to be between the bed and dresser, not along the wall near the curtain; and they moved. I very quickly rolled over in disgust, or shall I say aggravation and closed my eyes and just started praying. Of which then I very quickly started to fall asleep.

End of June/ Beginning of July, 2010 (a really long post)

So much has been happening with me of late on a mental and spiritual level. As I sit here I am not even really sure how to go about writing this journal entry. I've struggled with saying anything at all. Struggled with what others might think of my state of mind, my sanity if you will. Worried that you would think me mentally ill. Not that I myself think such of my mind. Far from it. I am 100% certain in what I am experiencing is real. I was only afraid of causing a rift between friends should they ever read this. After all what is truth to one person is fiction and falsehood to another.

With that worry in mind, I contacted someone in the physical mediumship world, whom,--through her internet presence I've grown to respect. Because of her calm reassurance, in reply; upon taking her advice-over the past few days I've decided to just 'go-for-it'; if for nothing else as a record of my personal journey. SO here it is. If your my friend, I just pray you'll still be there even if you think I've gone off the 'deep-end'. Even though this post is so long, I feel I am leaving out alot. I'll try to elaborate as time goes on.

What I've not recorded so far is that;

2 things have been happening to me.

I may have mentioned this first part before;

1) Off an on, from my recollection (over the past year-with certainty); I feel like I have been and am seeing what I would describe as visual static, or hazes moving around me. Some of which I am imaging to be human shaped, or limbs, torsos, heads, ect. Almost looks like the heat coming off the car on a cold day, how it distorts the air. but more static like in nature; fuzzy if you will. I am not experiencing any fear with this; perhaps at times, a little feeling of uncomfortableness. I say that because at the time I wondered if this is just my astigmatism, or optical illusions. I would tend to think so if it weren't for everything else that has happened. Also when this happened I'd notice shadow orbs or fast movements out of the corner of my eye at the same time. I didn't know what was going on, because this "fuzzy haze" was most always "moving".

2) Over the past few weeks, ever since I've started reading Spritism/Spiritualistic texts online, I've felt like I've been experiencing what might be another distinct entity 'talking' to me inside my head. During the day. Off an on, all day. It seems to be communicating clearly and very differently from my own inner voice/thoughts. You know how when one 'thinks thoughts'? The thought, has the quality of sound, that you-think-you sound like, in speaking-- and how you typically think in the first person. Well,.. This new voice is the opposite: Sounds different, speaks in a way I do not, and says things I was not thinking of at all, and would not have thought of. It's exactly as if another person was standing in front of me talking. But, in my head. I've mentioned before I've 'heard' external noises before, voices, music in an audible form AND in my head like a bone phone,.. resonating in my head as sound. This isn't like that. It's in thought form, but it isn't me. I did know if I was experiencing this or not. But I know from my correspondence and internet reading that this is common to medium communication and/or with those communicating with a guide.

I don't' even know really where to start in describing this phenomena. It first came from "out of no-where"; I wasn't even expecting it. This voice was answering spiritual questions, giving advice: while I was reading; while I was taking walks contemplating what I'd read; and at home. Sometimes it even gives unexpected commentary on my thoughts. All positive, all of a moral, spiritual nature. It was very very surprising, shocking. Part of me questioned my sanity, part of me swore it was imagination/delusional brought on by what I was reading; But,.. Most of me-- my whole being 'knew' it was very real. You see this wasn't some little voice in the back of my head, this is full blown clear conversations, long and varied over many days.

My question was: (Assuming no mental deficiency such as schizophrenia-of which I don't exhibit the other symptoms): --Was this my guardian angel, or spirit guide, or relative? What is the difference between them? Should I be worried? Am I crazy? Am I imagining this?

I asked this inner "Voice" these questions. And I clearly heard, "Take it slow, be patient, these answers will come". Other times, I've heard something like the answer was "you need to be stronger, stay in tune with God".

In fact, this whole experience, while shocking, has felt incrementally comforting and nice. And a couple times, I've really been startled as to what seemed to be briefly hearing my grandparents voices in my head speak affirming things. That was totally unexpected. As they've been passed on for a while now. My biggest worry over the past was the fear of the unknown. You know, fear of fear. And fear of being overshadowed. Of late I am reassured that if I keep my being on God, I will be OK. And I have been. In fact my Entire world view, out look on life, and how I felt was changing (for the better).

At this point, I felt I needed help. So, I wrote to a physical medium circle in hopes that someone there could advise me. The reply, as I said, was very wonderful and reassuring to me. Among other reassurance and correspondence there, was some advice on a plan of action.

In brief, the advice was two fold:

1) To start a routine of setting aside time each day to "hear" from this voice. To set an appointment if you will. To say to the voice, spirit, what have you, as you would anyone else, what time, and how long you'd like to communicate, or visit. How to open and close such communication, only do this with the greatest good and light, ie. Thoughts on God.

2) After a short period of time, to then take that time and use it with an intent or purpose. Such as communication with 'others' or sending out healing energy, etc.

06/25/2010

Last night, sometime between midnight and 5 am. I was woken up several times by what seemed to be insentient light tapping. As if on the wall or door. It seemed to be coming from the hallway outside of the bedroom or on the door, or across the room. The windows and door were shut. The air conditioner on, as well as the fan. Problem with being half asleep is that I couldn't tell the exact direction or location. I also was unable to tell if it was mechanical related. Nor was I able to tell if it was external or in my head. I wasn't in any inclination to go investigate either. Rather I just rolled over and turned my thoughts to the light/God-so to speak; and the racket went away. For those who say I was just dreaming, I say; No, the noise woke me up and I kept hearing it for a while while awake. Indeed it might be in my head, but for those of you who have experienced anything paranormal or mediumistic related in your head; ie. voices, music, visions, sounds, ect. You'll know what I mean. Some times, things happen that your 100% sure of your belief in what your experiencing, is paranormal; and other times you wonder if your imagining it. It's always a fine line. I think view points in the end will always boil down to point-of-view and belief systems for people who read or experience stuff like this; thus influencing their judgment of said reports. Of late, for me; I am being heavily influenced by spiritualist belief systems. But I know many paranormal investigators do not approach it from that view point. One thing that has surprised me, (although it shouldn't have) is that there are just as many points of view and beliefs in the paranormal investigator scene as there are in other areas of life. Some thing to think on.

06/24/2010

For some time now; Ever since I've started this "journal journey"; I've gradually run across web sites, resources and information of a Spiritualistic nature. First that of Trans Communications websites. Meaning people or groups who seek to prove the existence of an afterlife or life after death; And those who seek communication from those who have passed on. Given my experiences; assuming I am not delusional; I don't seek proof, I don't "believe" in life after death--" I know "such a thing is very real. I know with every fiber in my being that such stuff is real. That said I realize such topics are still totally subjective on ones own personal experiences. Many will call me delusional, crazy, etc. Many will call me sinful, many will pass judgment, say I am going to hell, and poo-paw me. That's fine. But for those of you with an open mind and who care for me and want to know what I think; I'll tell you what I've been up to.

As I've said I've been exploring Spiritualism: See this Wikipedia entry on the term and what it may refer to or look in my glossary: [quote]

"Spiritualism refers to a belief in an afterlife, and that spirits of the dead can communicate with the living through a medium. It also refers to the philosophy, doctrine, or religion pertaining to a spiritual aspect of existence.[1]

Spiritualism can also refer to:

Religion

Spiritualism, a religious movement that began in the United States and flourished from the 1840s to the 1920s

Spiritual Church Movement, a religious movement with primarily African American membership that developed in the United States in parallel with the primarily Caucasian membership

Spiritism, a similar religious movement, established in France in the mid-nineteenth century, often referred to as "Kardecist spiritism" after its founder Allan Kardec, and quite popular in the Caribbean nations

Espiritismo, a cultural variation on Spiritism and Spiritualism, popular in Latin American nations, particularly Mexico Philosophy

Spiritualism (beliefs), the belief that spirits of the dead can communicate with the living

Idealism, a Western philosophy pertaining to the idea that matter can be explained by mind but that mind cannot be explained by matter" For me, I've recently been reading and investigating the texts in "Spiritism" and the information presented on Victor Zammits Website. Much of it rings true for me, or feels "right". While I am not sure what I think of all the theological aspects of the information, nor am I sure of what I think of all the links to info out there; I must say My whole outlook on life, death, the universe, and my own experiences has been changed and put into a new light by all the stuff I've read. Please give a look at Victor Zammits site; read his book and see what you think. Also, here are the Spiritist books I am currently reading:

Books

The Spirit's Book by Allan Kardec (PDF file)

The Mediums' Book by Allan Kardec (PDF file)

The Gospel According To The Spiritism by Allan Kardec (PDF file)

The Spirits' Book in HTML format, translated by Anna Blackwell

All Kardec's books and other related works.

06/21/2010

This past weekend, I had a very odd waking lucid dream image. My spouse and I agreed the night before that I would drive them to work and then take the car to run errands. I didn't set the alarm at night, assuming that I would just crawl out of bed when their alarm went off. I had no idea really exactly when their alarm would go off as I always leave the house to work before them. In any case; Exactly a few seconds before their alarm clock went off, I was suddenly and clearly awoken. In my mind, popped the very clear image of someone holding a cell phone up to my face displaying the time; and I heard a voice in my head clearly and distinctly saying "time to wake up". I opened my eyes and looked at my clock and saw it displayed the exact time, that I saw in my minds eye on this cell phone. The whole experience was very surreal. The vision, hearing seemed so gosh darn real. It really struck me as similar to my imagining of music in the morning. Perhaps a strange trick of the mind, or ear physiology? I don't know. I've often suspected that this hearing of music in the morning was either a defect in ears/ head or associated with my anticipation of my alarm clock going off. Although I typically hear the music an hour or more before I actually have to get up in the morning. Is it related? I dunno? I normally don't report here on all the imagined or real visual/auditory illusions. But this really stood out in vividness.

06/09/2010

The past few weeks I've been experiencing what some would say is an increase in Sleep Paralysis related phenomena. Or perhaps paranormal. I think maybe a little of both. It's hard to say. I've been having problems with nasal congestion which exacerbates my sleep apnea, which can increase hallucinations or cause one to notice the paranormal; depending on your view point. For example, I've imagined footsteps outside the bedroom door; I've seen moving pinpricks of light zoom across the room and imagined shadow movement. All perfectly explainable away. Also, the other day I woke up to a noise, I turned my head up and imagined what appeared to the the sight of back of someones head neck and shoulders as they/it walked as into the wall, but then suddenly disappeared. Another time, I woke up in the middle of the night to a strange back and forth trilling sound. As if I was hearing a conversation but it was bird or insect like sounding. I know that is a common sleep paralysis hallucination, but I wasn't paralyzed. I was woken up by it. Weird I know. Well; other than that, just the usual movement out of the corner of the eye stuff. But then that can be explained away as active imagination and having such an interest in all this type of stuff.

05/19/2010

My spouse and I had a really odd incident last night at 9 pm. We were sitting in the living room. It's fairly small. Wood floors; windows on one side, carpeted stair case on the other. We were watching tv. and eating a late dinner. On the tv was a non-action drama scene with music playing. When all of a sudden we both heard a noise; which sounded just like someone running up the stairs from bottom to top. We both stopped eating and looked at each other and said, "Did you just hear that?". I said, "It's probably just the neighbor kid running through the side yard". (I was hopeful). But the reply I got was, "No. It sounded like someone ran up the stairs in the middle of the house".

I am not sure what to think. Sound can Eco strangely in old houses. If it was the neighbor kid, I want to yell at them to stay out of our yard. If it was something more ethereal, I want to yell, "Why run up the stairs?".

05/17/2010

Not too much happened in the past month. I was away on a long family vacation for most of the month in Hawaii. I didn't really feel, sense or notice anything unusual on my trip. Although their were a few ruins of native temples here and there. Supposedly human sacrifices were buried under them. The idea of that kinda weird-ed me out. Even all the WW2 graves didn't bother me. I did find myself wondering about soldiers who die all together. I found myself wondering if they all go to their next phase of life together, or do they linger.

Back at home it was pretty quiet with 2 exceptions. There has been a couple times this month that I've awoken in the middle of the night/early morning from what sounded like my bedroom door slamming shut and a feeling as if someone just left the room. No footsteps, and no visual of the door moving, just the noise and sudden consciousness/awakening and the feeling. I also had another vivid dream/hallucination. In this one I had just gotten into bed and imagined what felt like my body trying to leave the bed; meanwhile to the side of me was flitting, moving, wispy outlines of faces. Not normal faces, but ones with strange creepy teeth, bulbous eyes. I wasn't scared, but I remember trying to swat at them with my hand. It was all so very fast, yet, My body and thinking process felt slushy, in slow motion and slow. Like, as if I was moving in water. To me, it felt as if it lasted only minutes, maybe 20 and then I went to sleep.

edit- One more thing has been happening. My spouse has imagined me talking or calling out their name when I've not been in the room or anywhere near them. They've even tried to start up conversations with me, when they thought I was in the room, but in reality I was on another floor of the house. I wouldn't even say anything but, it happens quite a bit of late.

04/01/2010

I should mention, yesterday I was seeing those flashing pin pricks of lights again and those zooming shadow balls in the living room. And I had a freaky lucid dream (I think) early this morning. At 5 am, I awoke suddenly laying on my side. I felt on my naked back; what I can only describe as what I would imagine a large spiders legs pressing into my back as if it were the size of a human hand. Suddenly the pressure of the cluster of (imagined legs) skittered in a way I would imagine a running spider would crawl off my back and onto the wall behind my bed. I say that because I heard this thud behind my head and a skittering thumping on the wall behind me and it traveled up the wall. This wall is in the center of the building/ an internal wall separating rooms. I felt totally creped out. Mainly because at first I thought, "spider on my back" ewweee. But then I realized it was far too big for a spider and spiders don't make a sound. This sounded a-kin to a rodent running across the roof. My window was open, so perhaps that is exactly what it was; and I imagined the skin/wall sensation. I was wide awake after that. Went to the bathroom, and then slept again until 6:30 with weird crazy dreams about being forced by my landlord to share the apartment with strangers, because in my dream there was no dividing wall.

03/24/2010

I've shown this to a couple of people recently, and just remembered that I need to post it here.

I've got to show you this video I found online of supposed supernatural activity I found. It's on Lon's Phantom's and Monsters U-tube page. Well; on the video, there are these noises; in particular; this huge roar, growl that sounds Exactly like the sounds I've heard during sleep paralysis. Well, Check out this video. At about the 6 min. mark, until the end of the video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cpqs2Vloclo

I always thought I was hallucinating until I heard this video.

I also have a few photos I took where weird stuff appears. Namely Orb or mist like appearances show up and when you zoom in close using a photo viewer, you see faces. It's weird. I'll try to find time over the next month to put up some photos. I am gone most of April on Vacation. So there won't be much in the way of updates until then. I have worked on the other sections of the site, so if your reading this you can check that out. Take a look at the links section too. There is alot of neat stuff out there to look at. :)

03/20/2010

I had the most surreal dream last night. In fact I have never had a dream like this before in my life. Around 2 or 3 in the morning. I suspect I was coming out of a dream state. I seem to recall in my minds eye; flying over my body in bed. I remember looking down as I swooped down in an arch over my body and seeing that there was a small human shaped fuzzy white form or mist next to my body. It started to turn and walk away. I wasn't afraid at all. I wanted to know who or what it was. I tried to call out and reach with my hand. In fact, I woke myself out trying to vocalize "wait!, I know you!". I ended up waking up hearing my voice try to call out and my arm moving, which felt akin to a sleep paralysis episode, where I couldn't move, but wanted to and I was twitching.

I zoomed down to my body and my arm/hand passed through this form a couple of times from above. Then the form turned to me and as it did; From the face it started to coalesce and form into the color image of my old neighbor lady who had just died. Who is in fact my childhood friends mother. I could see her in vivid detail. Her face and hair, from her pants to a blouse with flowers on it. As she turned and formed up, she was holding a little tub of ice cream and a spoon. She put the spoon in her mouth and looked up at me and smiled and then turned away from me again. As she did this; she walked away and then dissolved into a white form and then into nothingness again. After she was gone, I had this sudden and overwhelming urge to tell my friend Tony that she wants him to know everything is going to be OK.

I was totally awake now at this point, but I rolled over and thought about this for a while until I went back to sleep. I almost forgot about it this morning. And felt the urge to quickly write it down. In hind sight I don't know if I should say anything to him. It was so surreal.

03/19/2010

I remember being awoken this morning by the sound of a woman crying. About 9am.

3/10/2010

I woke up at 2 am this morning to a seemed like a loud bang. As if a door or cabinet was being slammed. Then I heard what I imagined to be a whispering or talking. Being just woken up, was most likely exploding head syndrome, or tinitis related or imagination. Briefly looking around the room, it seems as if the shadows and pale light blobs were moving around too. But knowing human eyes suck in the dark and that whole "making shapes out of bad visual information" thing I chalked it up to nothing and went back to bed.

3/08/2010

Had a couple nights this past weekend where transparent blobs of shadow seemed to woosh around the living room, along with mirage like transparent blobs that seem to be kinda filled with the look air takes on when your looking at a heat mirage, but also kinda filled with transparent "static" as if your looking at a tv. Also I've had a few more episodes of noticing swooshing white tiny sparkles in the air when I look up. This sort of experience has only started in the past year. For the longest time I've tried to chalk it up to being tired or a astigmatism of the eye, or traffic or tv lights. I am perfectly willing to understand it's an eye/mind/misinformation thing or even psychological. But it's kinda weird. It's happened at my desk at work, in the mens room at work, at home in broad daylight, laying on the couch, laying in bed, in the total dark and with all the lights on. It frequently happens when I feel the "feather-static electric-light touch" sensations on my skin or face. Imagine the sensation you get when put your hand or finger just barely against your skin, and you touch the hair on your arm. That light touch, sometimes tingly is what it feels like. I'll feel that on my arm, hand, face, head or neck and then I'll see movement or a light. Perhaps is just a neural misfire in my brain. I don't dwell on it or anything, and it doesn't scare me or anything. It's just weird. It also frequently occurs along with other things such as imagined knocks, bangs, voices, music.

02/2010

I was thinking about this site the other day and that how people are disinclined to believe in anything paranormal, unless it happens to them. And even then, they chalk it up to imagination. What I find fascinating is when such things happen to multiple people. For example I remember one time, when my spouse came to me, several times over a time period complaining how they didn't like to walk by the stair well to use the toilet at night because the thought they saw a black shadow figure person at the bottom of the stairs looking up at them. At the time, I didn't want to scare my spouse so I said it was just imagination, but the thing was. I've seen it too; During these episodes we also experienced the stereo turning on by itself during the middle of the night. And no; it was not programed to do so.

02/2010

One thing I forgot to mention was several times this year; cold water faucet in my bathroom. Several times this year, I have (or so I "thought") to have turned off the faucet, then turned around and walked out of the bathroom only to notice or hear the cold water running. I find it odd that I would leave the water running-absent mindedly. Was this simply a matter of me turning off the hot water only and forgetting to turn off the cold? Is this me just not paying any attention? Perhaps. But each time it happened I was really creeped out. I was rather disturbed because it's never happened before. I guess time will tell.

02/04/2010

I was surfing the web and saw some website claiming to have spirit photogs.

http://itclogtheschreibermethod.blogspot.com/

I wonder what others think of such things.

I am fully aware of what the scientific community thinks. Neuro misinterpretation of the eye-nervous system-brain. Just imagination, optical illusions, etc. Thats ok; perhaps they are right.

All my life I've seen periodic flashes of light-little blue, white, and green balls streak past me. As well as fuzzy balls of shadow, as well as pale grey fuzzy/static ones. As well as partial figures and mists, both shadow, and grey fuzzy light, pale wispy web like patterns; Always fleeting.

Off an on, I've run across photos I've taken and gotten what I though was orbs or dust in the image or lens /flash flares. Well, in a couple of them; I've zoomed into the "orbs" to try to remove them in photoshop.

Well, in a few of them, I imagined what I thought to resemble faces in the orb. Just like the images in the link above.

I am perfectly willing to accept it's my imagination . You know, my brain making images out of random information. But I am not able to talk to anyone else about such things, without judgment. In any case I find such things very curious. I do have several examples including a couple really strange "other" examples, of which I might post when I get the time.

Jan, 2010

I had a really creepy dream last night that made me think of a shadow person.

I was curled up in bed, it was bout 1 am. I had my cover up around me, and my cpap machine on for my sleep apnea. I had my hand curled up around my face. I woke up with this weird feeling like my hand was being touched. No, honestly I had this mental image of a mouth on my hand. On the back of my hand. Isn't that weird? This went on for a bit, and which roused me from sleep. It didn't hurt and I just lay there with my eyes closed trying to figure it out. Then I got annoyed and in an aggravated motion, whipped my other hand up and out in front of me. You know, like you would to an annoying child or dog. Well, my window curtains were open and light was coming in. And as I arched my hand out, I opened my eyes and I imagined I saw my hand pass through what I can only describe as a brown black cloaked hooded outline which had reddish orange dim eyes. As my hand passed through it it seemed to quickly go from a kneeling position to standing while moving away and out from me, dissipating through the window. It was very fast, but to me kinda felt like it was in slow motion and I got this feeling in my head (from me to it), "ah-ha, I surprised you". Then I said a prayer and went back to sleep. I know that's crazy, and I am sure I was just having a vivid sleep apnea induced dream. But I've never had one like that with a visual component before. Real or imagined. I dunno. I just know until now, (other than the sleep paralysis I told you about) I've only ever been awoken by music, whispers and knocking. Like I said; real, dreaming, or imagined. I dunno.

But I thought you might enjoy the tale, even if it was a weird dream.