March 2012
March 30, 2012
For those with a more academic social science leaning, I noticed this morning that one of my favorite researchers has an updated journal issue.
“Paranthropology: Journal of Anthropological Approaches to the Paranormal” is a free on-line journal devoted to the promotion of social-scientific approaches to the study of paranormal experiences, beliefs and phenomena in all of their varied guises. The journal aims to promote an interdisciplinary dialogue on issues of the paranormal, so as to move beyond the skeptic vs. advocate impasse which has settled over the current debate, and to open new avenues for inquiry and understanding.
http://www.scribd.com/doc/79026211/Paranthropology-Vol-3-No-1
http://discarnates.blogspot.com/
http://paranthropologyjournal.weebly.com/
March 28, 2012
Random Update notes:
-I was asked the other day, if I am still blogging. I am, but not on a regular basis. Maybe once a week? I don't see this changing for the foreseeable near future.
- I am still trying to organize content, writing and correspondence for several books Nikki and I are writing. A lot of that is time consuming and emotionally draining as I take journal entries that I've not made public yet and trying to present them in a coherent fashion.
- I've also been reading a lot, cooking a lot, and getting the house and yard ready for spring. I've built two more raised vegetable beds. 12" x 4' X 8' I'll be planting yellow and black raspberries and asparagus. Along with my 6 other 4x8 raised beds. I bought a gas powered tiller for the garden as well.
-This weekend I hope to get a little writing done, channeling practice in, and lots of yard work. We'll see how that goes. I also have to prepare for house guests at the end of the month. And all the other family stuff, and my full time job duties that goes on. A lot of the time, I tend to think life is really about me finding a sane way to balance all this and not loose who I am in it. Some times I don't do a very good job of this, and have to totally back off and step away from all things spiritual. Take a weekend off so to speak.
-By the way. I am VERY cognizant of how I spell Erik. If I use a K it is always Elisa's son. If I use a C it is Nikki's son. If you ever talk to me over the phone, I'll just add their middle names to avoid confusion.
- 3/28/2012
Late last night I had mindless Eric chitchat. Meaning he listened to me whine and complain and still made me feel loved...awesome! At 4:14, i woke up to little girl voice (cyn, spirit friend of mine) in what sounded like singing. Two people on CE asked about prayer and transcendental meditation.....At first this morning I thought, I am too opinionated on that, so I'll leave it. But Erik had other plans! As I wrote to Nikki this morning,
I said,
"whew.... Just got done with a whirl wind session with Erik.... very interesting
While walking to the bus I felt this constant pressure on my temple and words and thoughts and images just kept flashing in my head. Strings of sentences, laughing, pictures. Some of it felt like instant chunky downloads. Then on the bus it let up, but would come back intermittent. Then when I got to work, I felt like I was racing to get to my computer and get it out. Even eating my danish, I felt rushed and driven. All which is funny because when I first read those questions, I strongly thought to myself... OH no... I am not touching this with a ten foot pole. I thought my feelings would totally override anything Erik had to say. Well, I was wrong... It just came gushing out. I feel pretty good about it. I was worried I'd go off on some religious right or wrong tangent, which didn't happen at all.
--of which Nikki replied, "Danish? made me LOL and shake my head...Oh jas...will you ever eat healthy?"
-- I said, "Shut your mouth! Just be glad I wasn't drinking vodka in my coffee ha ha ha.....
I don't care the consequenses I will give up my sugar only when they pry it out of my cold dead hands...."
--She replied with, "oh yeah, i know better. after I read that I see eric holding your hand...you are a little girl, face all red and tear streaked, runny nose...but clearly you are feelin better as you have a donut with pink spinkles in your hand with a bite out of it. I am lagging behind shaking my head. can you say spoiled rotten"
Which is all very funny to me, cause that's totally me. (btw, they are referring to lives where I was female)
- 3/25/2012
I highly suspect Erik has been making the prank and manifestation rounds. Last night at 1 ish. I was sleeping on my left side facing the wall when all of a sudden I was woken up in what I would describe as somewhat forceful. I was totally asleep when suddenly I "heard" --- IN my head and out of it, a reverberating, "Boo!" not as in my dog, but as in scarry to startle me, (or surprise). It totally took over all my field of awareness, mental brain space, and to be quite honest sounded like Erik's voice. I am not sure it was him.... but it would be in character.... But the thing is, Is that it scared me enough that I was calling on every spirit I knew and totally freaking out. You may think this is funny, or a test of my fear and recovery.... of which it is.. but .... when someone like me was born in fear and from time to time picks up on the very vocal chit chat of random stray opinionated spirits,... random unexpected contact while sleeping or in the middle of the night ..... especially when I specifically requested not contact "other than the boys" .... it can be unnerving,... even if it is the boys... especially when I am asleep. Now if they had gently woke me up and said, hi...sigh......... all in all I give myself a C- for the test...
After that vocalization, the air and room seemed to roll and rile with motion. It didn't help that I went to bed in severe joint pain. I lay there as asked they help me get back to sleep. I felt fuzzy thick air embrace me and move around me, from top to bottom marching down my body. Sometimes it was soft, other times it was sharp and buzzing, A couple of times painful. It was very weird. But interesting to note, Right after I was scared, my pain was gone and I felt more awake than awake, and it seemed like the hair on me stood up all over.
what ever happened to gently nudging me awake to give me affection? I swear, if it was Erik just pranking me and nothing else, Iam sooo going to get him someday. I am going to sneak up on him when he least expects it with a giant water balloon and pelt him in the head.
March 21, 2012
I think about this from time to time;
Do you think there are wounds that are not meant to heal? That there are times we simply want to know grief and pain, so that we can understand loss and learn to mourn the opposite of what can not ever really die? Or do you think that through these wounds we learn not to fear. That we learn about our strength. We learn about the permanence of the soul. We learn about our eternal self. We learn about self forgiveness. We learn how to love from inside the hole, when there is nothing whole. We we have nothing left to give.
I've been told by other mediums I've swore off children after watching my kids killed in front of me in a past life, I've had a visions of watching my babies coffins lowered into the ground while my world dissolved around me. And yet life times, memory, and improbable doubt shadows these possible realities, even through the specter of this haunting, my heart tuggs to know a mothers love. Even in the face of personal life, I still see the love mothers have for their departed children and think, There. That's something special. I'd not give that kind of love up. It's worth having even with wounds.
Maybe vows and forgotten visions of loss will linger in grief filled dreams of future life. Maybe this will be the only personal emotional loss this soul will have. Is it enough? Who knows. Maybe these wounds are not meant to heal. Or maybe I can heal but not forget. Maybe I can remember myself despite of it. Maybe those I've lost will remember me, and love me yet again. Maybe there is nothing to heal. Maybe there just more opportunities to love again. Letting go of what hurts as not us, and looking ahead to new love.
In any case; I feel you all, I feel the other mothers, I don't think a parents wounds ever go away. But I hope for more. Oh, I ldo.
March 21, 2012
Last night I had an objective voice experience. I woke up in the middle of the night and heard a deepish female voice saying hello to me. It seemed to come from beside the bed, above my head. Real soft like. She had an accent I've never heard before. Almost sort of eastern European...not sure. I only know it was not British or French. I told who ever it was thank you and I felt all this energy all over me and all my hair felt like it got rubbed with a balloon. straight up and buzz tingle. I didn't stay up and try to sort it out. It wasn't anyone that I've heard before. I am fairly sure of that, because everyone I've had objective voice from before seemed to have an American accent.
March 19, 2012
Some times in life, we fear so much that we do not know it's name. What to call that which inside you creates so much emotional resistance. We start expecting and demanding answers. But really, deep down. We don't want answers. We don't really want to do the inner work to fix what we feel is wrong, but don't know what or how. We only want change. It's not the resistance or hesitation or anxiety that is wrong. They are just signals to alert us that attention is needed, wanted. A lot of the times information, knowing, and understanding is not ready for us because we have not yet experienced it. Other times it is withheld because we are not ready yet. And other times it is because we are not asking the right questions. Not questions about experience, not about circumstance, not about that which is outside of us, but that which is in our hearts. Some times it is this desire to ask that is fearful. We don't really want the answers or the emotional consequences of them. For to know manifests a new reality, and to experience that will create a new understanding. But we should never fear this. For expanding our awareness of all we are has it's rewards even if we do not understand who and where we are.
You know phrases like the following. They are nothing new.
Ask and it shall be given. Seek an you shall find. Know and you shall experience what you understand. we will never fully understand unless we use all the tools or questions the manifestations of love vs fear have to offer. We seek the peace that passes all understanding...but this can only be felt, we can know of it, but to understand that peace, that comfort we must come to create it within ourselves as we experience our own questions....."who am I".....
Today may not be who you are.... But you will find the strength to keep asking questions. I found it in the friendship and love of those like you and Spirits Like Erik, Eric and Andy....perhaps for now.....that is enough.....to feel such....to understand we are not alone....I find that peaceful...
March 15, 2012
The following was one of my first channeled visions, that I wrote down. It's so old I no longer recall when and where I was when I saw this vision. I found it written in a diary I used in college. At the time I thought it was about someone unknown.. .. It is only today that I understand it. It is about my birth into life on earth. Every journey into life is unique. Every journey is a light unto their own.
***My entranced vision***
"As I dream, I look up from my thoughts and notice that i am in a current of blue waves. It is the energy of the sea, the universe. Ebb and flow as I ride the current, I strain my eyes to see the horizon. I can't.
I look around me and see a multitude of forces all on different paths. These lines of light and color are rising and falling. Undulating around and around, crossing and flowing all to the same destination.
I change, flow in time, movement and desire. Bend, and twist, forever in motion. Then I see a brilliant ribbon of light. Blue and crimson, it radiates and shimmers like a solar flare. It whips around my energy, my being and then slashes across my path.
At an instant contact, time freezes, movement slows and my light winks into an icy crimson, shot with the blue sparkle of diamond dust.
A tunnel of crystal veined with emeralds enfolds my path and my destiny is filled with sunlight. I look around me in awe. I notice the other ribbons of light outside. Muted into peace, grace. They look in at me.
I forget them as I look down my path and see the moon eclipsing the sun. The corona of light blinds me, as I walk to you- my life."
March 15, 2012
***
Summers with a-loved:
Barbeque,
Do I smell hotdogs?
All around me the humid air hugs my naked arms.
Kisses my nose, wet, it whispers. I can smell the mornings rain.
As I lay on my stomach the grass crunches and crinkles under my shorts.
It's tickling my thighs, scratching my fingers as I ruffle a tuff my my head.
I can feel the wind. It speaks through reeds and crickets sing to my heart.
A fish jumps with a plop and the liquid mirk radiates tino the infinite.
Through the daisies and bee hummed black eyed susans;
through the waltz clouds a first star winks towards me.
I can close my eyes and hear children laughing.
An arm enfolds my side and clutches my ribs.
Slowly moves traces up my side.
Whispers of nothing fade into my ear.
Twilight is leaving and the emerald facets of tree leaves wave good bye.
Elemental forces are changing guard.
Night envelopes and the earth smells waft up.
A frog creeps by, though naught a word to me.
A light winks on and off through the rushes.
Meandering like smoke as it is joined in a fairy dance of diamonds.
i roll up and take a hand in mine
as I walk away only a soft noise and blink of an eye;
in the mist of the moon; say my good bye.
***
March 15, 2012
It has been once said that Art is the lie that enables us to see the truth. Personally, I don't care much for other peoples truth. If I can't experience it, I am not interested.
***
March 11, 2012
Just a quick note to update everyone what I am up to. I am taking a bit of a break from regular blogging per say, as well as correspondence. While still practicing channeling twice a month, I will be devoting most of my previous time, some 10-20 hrs a week on intensive writing projects. I have 3 maybe 4 lined up.
This past week I went through a trance channeling that lasted off and on almost 24 hrs, With Nikki's son Eric. It was the 4th or so experience with being what I am calling empathic trance channeling. Where I relive the spirits experiences as them through their emotions and what they saw. This sort of experience is why I do not lightly channel for others and I do not do this for a living. I am an empath, clairvoyant, clairaudient, and clairsentient conscious healer. This happens with widely varring levels of altered states of consciousness, in some cases like this one the depth varies and I wont know whats going on until the experience is over.
Apparently I agreed to do this for the boys pre-life so that I could help heal them, families, myself, and the use that as a vehicle to then write about the spiritual nature of suicide, pre-life planning and the spiritual nature of emotions, among other stuff.
It was pretty wild. In a way, I felt beaten to within an inch of my life. Eric told Robert that he was pretty worried about me because my energy was really tattered after all was said and done. It was such an experience. Niki and I are still sorting it out. we are writing a book together about our journey together with Eric.
The other night I had angels injecting me with new energy through the heels of my feet. They felt like rods or poles of light.I know, pretty woo woo...
Right now I'm just re-focusing and then I am going to write. I've got all this material lined up in my head and in spirit. The guy's stories, my story, Channeled guidance, and Spiritual communication. The past 3 weeks, Ive undergone some pretty intense experiences. Some related to Eric, some my own journey, and some related to my correspondence. And well, since Oct. My spiritual life has really have been intense. Just empathic and channeling experiences after another. Even though I've done such with others like Erik m. and Andy before, Walking in the mental and emotional shoes of Eric was the hardest things I've ever done in my entire life.
Well, that said....I'd better get back to writing. I am sure I'll post a tid bit here and there as well as excerpts from time to time. Thanks for reading and checking in on me. Lots of love.
***
On another note if you haven't done so in a while, Take a look at Linda's new article this week titled, "The Dangers of Expectations" ~ over at the Dragon of Personal Drama Website.
March 06, 2012
I wanted to offer my own dedication to Erik and Elisa, To all those in my soul heart. To friends, and lovely souls I've met along the way. I didn't want to put this out there, as really, this whole site is dedicated to this, but I wanted to remember how some of it felt in my heart from the beginning. There is so much more I've discovered, but this was a key. As we all are.
How I first encountered Erik as a child.
Dusk shudders into night.
Laying in bed with future dreams
of hope fulfilled
soft sleep slumbers
across my pillow.
Gentle breeze soft pressure
falls in charged touch
across my face.
Eyes flash open
Clarity flairs into lost wonder.
Bedroom space lost to time
Across a nebulous star strewn air
Green, Yellow, White and blue.
Ropes of fog, Twisting mist.
Pulsing emotion.
Felt though not known what.
Wonder drains into pressure held.
Uncomfortable silence chimes
struggle brings not release.
Panic surges.
Cries escape in helpless silence.
The smell of soft love turns to fear
as wet earth and moldering distaste
collapse into distress abandoned.
Night shudders and time starts again.
What was, is no more. What was felt lingers.
Only two decades later was I to learn that this
experience was one of the last things the Spirit
that was soon to be born as Erik Medus wished to do for me.
In my own life, one of the things I wanted to learn about
was overcoming fear. He asked to be my first fearful
spiritual experience. So that as his own mission in life
and then in the here after he could help provide the
continuity that would help enable me to fulfill my own life experiences.
As such, though I still experience fear, and I still struggle to walk life's paths, I am not afraid. I used to be afraid of what lurked in the dark. Now I know though I often cant' see, I know that I am surrounded by love. They are just waiting for me to turn on my own light so they can yell surprise. The return to family, love, and our connection to all that is; Is as close as the return to our own hearts.
I wrote this to a friend yesterday, but it holds so much more meaning to me.
Ask yourself this when your feeling blue.
When your down and have lost faith in your experience.
Look to those who love you and ask,
What do you see in my heart?
If you were to ask me, I'd say It was Heaven that showed
me where you were and I saw your strength.
I'd like to think that Erik brought me back to myself and those I love
Across time, across place, and space
We discovered a greater reality, a soul family
It is our strength, not a burden, a key.
Together we can turn that key and show others in our life that
a door doesn't have to open into darkness,
But that it can let the light into a new world.
A world we live in, our world
Can be theirs too.
Sometimes it's not that we have to open a door, or even show them there is one.
Sometimes all it takes is us turning the handle for ourselves.
March 05, 2012
I had a super awesome and busy weekend. I got a lot done. A great deal of email correspondence, 3 short channeling sessions, reiki session, some writing, book study, emotional and past life work, and what not done. I learned a lot. I had some really cool expereiences. I think one of the most amusing this weekend was when I was practicing clairvoyent channeling with Nikki and her son and father as well as Iola and Andy over email and the phone. I was just wrapping up and needed to take a restroom break. I got up and looked in the mirror and noticed I had something in my teeth. I got back and noticed that she had written me and said she picked up from Spirit (eric and her dad) that I needed a toothpick, and she had no clue what that was supposed to mean, but that I'd know. Which was so funny as I didn't even know that... It's always the mundane silly stuff that for me is the most awesome validation. On another note I just finished this book
Journey of Souls: Case Studies of Life Between Lives
Michael Newton
Permalink: http://amzn.com/1567184855
I consider it very important along with this book
These are books where life between lives and past lives are either channeled or accessed via hypnosis.
Now I am reading a book on future life progressions.
March 05, 2012
How does one tell those who make the heart strings sing
that the sound of joy comes when thoughts of them are felt?
Is this what it means to be connected
to a soul or is it infatuation of longing?
What is the nature of longing?
I think sometimes it is not the desire
of something missing,
but the desire to share.
When the desire to share oneself
becomes greater than the desire to take
it is then that longing can be fulfilled
by singing with one's true heart.
I am sure each of you know by now,
That you hold one of those strings.
You may ask why I go to such great effort all the time to tell you these things? It's simple. Your not alone. Never have been, never will be. Life can be a bitch, but that's not what keeps me coming back. It's the music we play together. The music of our hearts. That's true life. That's you.
***
Visions of Love
The eternal song:
What vision of love can there ever be,
but for the feather soft touch
as my heart caresses
thoughts of you.
Imagined or indulged,
I often wonder
but for my desire
to care not.
For when I feel this,
my own visions of love
have you in them.
Perhaps some day,
some time,
maybe when this life is done
Those will no longer
pass fleeting
but what lingers
in passionate fondness,
will fade into my reality.
One vision felt
with your touch on mine....
my own vision of love.....
you.
***
Where does your heart go
when the hush of first light
meets the clouds of dawn
and day break splashes
with birdsong?
I know not
who I am
in that small moment
but for my thoughts
of you.
My love lingers
on the tongue tip
of sweetness
as memory of
your soft embrace
holds me to
morning light.
March 04, 2012
For the student learning to develop their clairvoyance; From time to time one encounters disturbing dream like imagery that seems to have a life of it's own. It is important to be aware that your energy body is working with several things regardless of source. Thought form interpretation, emotional interpretation and dimensional environment interpretation. This is to say your brain tries to interpret and translate data from your energy mind or the minds of other sources and it's environments. It would be a mistake to give into the feelings about our beliefs as a definition of the experience. It is better to simply experience with as much detachment as we can muster and use what speaks to us as useful. This does not mean the other data is bad, wrong or an error. It simply means we don't have the information to judge, place value, or a label on it at this point in our time or perspective. This will change with experience.
That said, depending on our feelings about our beliefs, such inner vision can be from time to time scary or disturbing. There is a myriad of reasons and possibilities on why this could happen. Many times our brain and even guides use these image or pictures or visions to relate something symbolically to us about our experience or situation in the circumstance we are going through. It is actually rather rare that what is "seen" is something literal, or objective. This is simply because it is happening on an energetic level that does not translate to physical very well. Don't poo-paw it.... Subjectivity can have a lot of bearing and relevance in guiding our lives.
I'll give you an example. Frequently clairvoyants will encounter what appears to be humanoids with distortion. It's not that this is some evil monster out to get you. It can be that this is your guide telling you that the state of your emotions is not in line with your higher self. It could be that you are picking up on something emotional from a spirit. Or that the symbology of the image means something. Or some other meaning. Many times it is simply your own fear being reflected back to you as a moving symbol.
If you encounter such, here is a tip to stop the visuals so that you don't get bogged down. I was taught this as a child by my guides.
Pretend you are standing in front of a movie projector. And that what you are viewing is contained within the individual frames or cells of the film moving through the projector. If what you see disturbs you, push a pause button to stop the film. Look at the stopped frames and imagine a razor blade cutting it out. Go ahead and imagine ripping it up and the toss it away.
Frequently clairvoyance is seen through closed eyes. A tip to stop the vision is to open your eye and quickly look back and forth while blinking rapidly. Get up and walk around. Drink water, or take a shower.
You can also try one of the many shielding techniques that are out there on the internet. These come in many variations such as light shells, light and water visuals, ect. Some of it is visualized as moving energy or water, other times it is pulsing or rigid. I feel your guides will give you what will work best for you.
Others find prayer, chanting to angels or guides helpful. It all depends on your stress level and awareness.
If your having clairaudient voice trouble...visualize black box or metal safe. Imagine your thoughts coming from inside it. This is like a radiation shield at the doctors office. ...head inside lead box. You can also try and Empty your mind with various meditation techniques.. Sing or chant whistle.
Basically want to try and disengage your connection and disassociate your feelings from the moment.
If it is a spirit know that all spirit is a conscious entity and deserves the same respect you do. Look fearlessly at it and treat as human real consciousness as someone on street. Ask politely. Always respectful. State to it and your guides and angels up front what exactly you want. Many unpleasantness can come from contradiction in what you state you want vs what you feel.
March 02, 2012
I've been pretty busy with personal family life, work and spiritual correspondence. I am pretty tired today. This weekend I hope to get some channeling practice in. I have two appointments set up. I think that's pretty much all I can handle without dropping. ha ha.. I need to sleep. Good news, the snow is melting. Bad news. It's a mucky nasty soup.. so gross.. my poor dog!
On a side note,
It is comforting to hear from spirits with whom i felt i did wrong by or not enough for.... tell me it is ok, and I did nothing wrong. That the experience of my fear leading to inaction on my part was as valuable as if i had acted, gives me some comfort. Especially when they express love.....
Love. It is amazing. What we are all capable of if only we recognize our connections to each other.
There is hope for a better tomorrow if only we all realize the value in everything. In all our connections.
And... I know I've said things like this before but,
A life plan, like anything Spiritual is never a singular event. It is never about one person. It is never an individual expression or act carried out. It is co-created. Just as a writer can not bring inspired vision alive by himself; so too with life plans. There are many who contribute. There are many dedications that are given. The best plays are not about an individual, but are about a collective journey that everyone can relate to. An Act can be seen as about one individual, or through that individuals experience a greater drama can be played out.
How it is seen will vary greatly by audience, but what they take away from the whole play can be greatly influenced by that one performance. How we act is not so much about remembering our lines, or positions on the stage, but in how deeply we feel our part, how we express those feelings on stage. To understand this "method", is not a technique, but simply found through experience...which then allows that master performance.
Sometimes, its better to not worry about missed lines. Don't fear about when and where to stand, but get in touch with that feeling and know you can give the best performance of your life. This is the passion of life, not the drama of gain or loss. In the end, come curtain call we all stand hand in hand and take out bow to thunderous applause in blinding light.
March 01, 2012
It's an icy skating rink outside. Had to walk in the middle of the road to get to the bus stop! March is typically one of our snowiest months. But then it's the big thaw to Spring in May. Can't wait. I am planning my garden already. Anyone headed to Austin with Erik, I hope you have a blast!
Really busy at work. Meetings and appointments. So no posts today. Maybe tomorrow.