Winter/Spring 2014
I came across this online and wanted to share it......
(Text of Poem in the Video:)
A Letter to Agnes De Mille
"There is a vitality,
a life force,
a quickening
that is translated through you into action,
and because there is only one of you in all time,
this expression is unique.
And If you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost.
The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine
how good it is
nor how valuable it is
nor how it compares with other expressions.
It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly
to keep the channel open.
You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work.
You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate YOU.
Keep the channel open...
No artist is pleased...
There is no satisfaction whatever at anytime
There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction
a blessed unrest that keeps us marching
and makes "us" MORE alive than the others."
--Martha Graham
( - a letter to Agnes De Mille-) (posted in many places online)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martha_Graham
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agnes_de_Mille
***
This world seems born with worry, strife, pain and death.
Lost so far that we appear alone.
It often seems what we love is bound to hurt.
Love doesn't hurt people. Fear does.
Be true to yourself while contemplating why you believe what you do.
Have compassion for how you feel even should you be unable to face it.
Do your best to let go of what isn't about you with grace
and be thankful in knowing all things are just an experience.
Who you are is always more than your perception can possibly see.
If you have faith in that, you will be able to feel love and fear less.
In the end, love remains. How we face down our fears in the moment says more about us than any pain we might judge.
Be happy and don't worry. Love remains.
Should it be, that you are unable to overcome your fear, whatever that may be; That is ok.
Take what comfort you can find, and come to terms with why you feel that way
knowing that what you feel does not have to define who you are.
Seek what happiness you may
in-spite of fears,
and do not worry.
Forgive what you can let go of and have compassion for what you still hold.
***
Dreams; Are often a parable of your emotional reality. Do not worry.
***
It can take life times to accept, but If life was too perfect, it wouldn't be any fun.
***
I don't think love can be owned. I don't even think we can give it, as I am not sure we really create it. Instead I think perhaps love is Inherently Divine. It stems from God, GodSource, or Source if you will. It's the natural state of all that is, was and will ever be. I think rather we can only accept it and give what we have taken or shall I say accepted ourselves. The more we accept, the more we love ourselves, the more we see of it, and ourselves, thus; the more we have at any given moment or time if you will to pass along or give out. It's a potential for ALL, but is seemingly finite in a human moment. I think it's when we stop seeing what we've accepted, what we could accept; that we become blinded by denser emotions. Such as anger, jealousy, guilt, shame, fear.
We can't own someone else's love, nor possess it. So really jealousy is a fruitless exercise, because we can only accept what love other's have to give. It's really not at all about us. We can only control what we can accept and thus of that, what we allow ourselves to pass along of the Divine love. It's all returns back to that. How much of God's love, if you will, Love in Source or all that is, are we going to allow to come to us?
I don't think we should judge too harshly others who can't accept love. It takes life times to see this, learn this or shall I say, remember this. Rather, it's better to have compassion, forgive what we can, and let go as much of the rest we can, and do what we will only in this moment. Hopefully it's love, and others will see that too.
***
Remembering,
Youth.
It had captured his beauty.
Held.
Frozen in graceful form.
Ignorant.
Thoughts of time, lost.
Forgotten.
Until a life well lived.
Again.
***
There is a difference between knowing a thing and understanding it. That difference is in how one experiences said known thing. It's very common to know of something having never experienced it, professing assumed facts without true understanding. It's only by personalized experience that we even begin to understand. Very often it is only then, do we realize that what we know, amounts to nothing but what we've experienced. An experience. It's just an experience. Life can be that. A life, a moment, can bring an understanding. Knowing it's not all there is, brings many more.
***
The inner conflict we feel when other people's thoughts, words, and actions do not meet our expectations or desires.
This is a form of attachment. In reality we can not be responsible for this. We can not force another to fit our wishes. Our reactions to this serve no purpose nor will the suffering we experience as a result lead to healing. We can seek to know and understand their motivations. But it is better to seek an understanding of our own reactions and feelings as a result of the attachment. Only by examining the self, can we come to see who we are through this contrast. Only then can we successfully let go of this inner conflict, pain, suffering and attachment. It is not who we are. We do not need to hold it. It is OK to let go of it. Know that while this can cause it's own grief, peace will come with letting go. Healing will come. Forgiveness for them and for yourself.
***
What the consciousness might feel at the time of death:
The feeling of sinking into earth. The feeling of floating on water. the feeling of filled with air. the feeling of expansion of heat. earth shall not keep you. water will not hold you. air will not have you and heat will not burn you.
***
Send only love.
Life is so fleeting,
Metting out breath,
And then death.
Send only love.
Forgive these small annoyances.
Troubles will never linger
If you accept whats real.
Send only love,
For death is not real.
Appeal to your heart,
And your mind will heal.
Send your love,
And maybe we'll feel,
Your heart and mine,
Is all that will be real.
How can something so ephemeral, hidden in shadow, filled with secret spiritual unknowns, be so tenacious, persistent and and consuming? Life seems to bind us and twist people into lines of belonging and separation. How it holds our attention like an addicts drug. If only we could let go of it and breathe the spirit and not the reason behind it but its source. Would we not feel whole then? Would not comfort, love, and unity replace this disharmony and suffering we call life?
If only the world could release themselves and remember who they really are.
***
3rd dimensional reality is a dense place where high contrasts have always been required to participate in desired spiritual roles. The trick to getting through it isn't to allow ones self to get tangled in it but rather to remember only a part of your whole self is in a role. What you precieve as real is only temporary, and highly skewed through a 3d physical earth filter. To the soul it often takes many many roles and many times to explore just an aspect of its perception of self. All we can do is have compassion for that, and compassion for ourselves participating in our own role.
***
What you pay attention to, receives your power and grows
What you ignore, takes your power and mutates.
I think a lot of my pain comes from ignoring my inner feelings.
I am not sure if it is a personal struggle of mine or not.
All I know is I feel the contrast with keen clarity.
At times it overwhelms,
other times it feel like course glass across my skin.
I think relationships are like this too. I think, it boils down to....
Do I pay attention to love and let it grow,
or do I ignore it and feel the want, the lack, the desire
of what I wished, hoped and would have but seeming can't
become an untouchable attachment.
Or is this just a part of human nature and suffering.
Our attention to love is integral to our spiritual nature,
who we are at our hearts core.
Life as human,
I think,
Doesn't have to be about living through opposites.
We have the choice,
the power
To give
To focus
Love, let go, don't worry, and be happy.
***
Wounds that never bleed dont heal.
Hearts without emotion are never felt.
Minds unlooked at are forever blind.
Compassion is the only cure.
For others and ourselves.
***
Sweet time is but a charity...and our time is always only now. Some may romance what was...some never had it....and those we love will have it again.
In the end none of it really matters. Who I was back then, who I might be tomorrow, Its only when I forgive, forget, and let go of what worry would be, that I can remember myself in this moment. Thats why it's a sweet charity. Its a song we sing. To ourselves, our loved ones and anyone who cares to listen....
Songs are just stories. Stories of our lives. Some whisper softly half forgotten of yester-year and other lifetimes. And some stay with us. It's not because it's stronger or more important, but rather that were still singing together. Thats part of the story, the song....that we can and do still sing together.....another story...another sweet charity.....remembering ourselves sweetly....
***
If there is one interesting thing I've found from living a life with medical issues and pain. It is this.
Pain and illness forces, really forces one to focus. It's really-really easy to obsess over wishes and attempts to escape, but when that fails (and since I am not willing to do violence to myself); I have no other alternative than to do kindness to myself and let the rest go. It leaves you utterly and unapologetically NO choice.
I've discovered the rest is just fruitless, painful, revolving obsession. The only real relief from the numb (real and imagined) is to let go and refocus on small kindnesses. And is that really a small thing? I don't know yet.
I'll tell you this though; When I am worn down, and shit hits the fan and/or I look back.... There is a real sense of peace in knowing this through experience.
***
Happiness comes not from when I feel good, nor does it come when you make me laugh. Teasing never gave me a light heart. Honesty, hope, or faith never brought me comfort. Promises nor threats never steered my course. Rules and structure were also a poor guide. What has helped in this life was those like you who gave me cause to remember my soul. Good folk like you, who gave of themselves and repeatedly go out of their way to work not to engender happiness, but share their own without expectation of return. In the end that caused me to look back on myself and realize that's all I've ever had. Nothing to give, loose, nor take. If only I remembered my own happiness and willingly shared it. I think it's people like you that have shown me that life isn't about looking at what's going on outside in the world around me, but what's going on inside that is what matters. When I refocus on that I feel at peace, no matter what seems to ail or hurt. I think for me it lets me let go and focus on what does matter; It's this that from where my happiness stems.
I know that in the chaos of the holidays and the adventures of the young it can feel like that happiness has vanished or doesn't seem to return. But know this; those around you who don't seem to reflect their own happiness, know that you always have been a mirror. A mirror that lets them see who they really are; and maybe, just maybe, they will see themselves in a new light. A light that you helped light.
A secret you already know... all else flows from that reflection.
***
Family doesnt end with blood, nor breath, nor distance and time.
For every sad feeling we feel, those flickering thoughts that flit past our tired brows; for every one there are a hundred hundred more memories yet to be remembered of our souls.
Memories of feelings define us. shape us. guide our path. Though we may become sad, fearful, lonely and even despair, our souls call to us to remember something other than our narrow focus. sometimes it takes something to shift that focus. something seemingly beyond our control. When that happens, it is the hope and faith that we will remember some greater part of our selves. Perhaps that is memories of love, of family, of happiness, something that feels like joy, something that makes us remember some of what we are.
I think even remembering a tiny portion of this is what allows people to realize what they might become if they embrace who they are. Id like to think of eric like that. I think of him and i know family doesn't end with breath. I think of you and i know it doesn't end with blood and i know it doesn't end with distance nor time. Its memories like this that get me through feelings of sadness, fear, and pain. They help me to remember myself in the now and help direct my path so that I can make memories here and now that seem more like me. To my, family, those around me but mostly to myself. It helps me learn to love myself...though how well is debatable, but still...those and life and ongoing influence help shape what in other lives may be fleeting flickers of memories into streams of ever flowing ever growing feelings.
For in the end what remains is not of this life, but what we felt. That of which we hold onto is what shapes who we are. I know that of you hold onto...its love....I and everyone who knows you can see it. feel it. and use it to better shape our own lives.
***
If only every partent put the love for their children and that child's happiness, health and well being over their fears and personal beliefs; This might be a better world.
***
Tonight I was pulling Tarot cards asking spirit to rate my life.....went to bed and then I had a dream of shopping for an ornament. A lighthouse made of pink crystal. It was on half off sale. $40. Then I woke up and pulled the following out of my butt...
"The cost of having a successful life or realizing value, worth, contentment, balance, closure, or happiness with life can often be easier or not as great as you thought. In hind sight this is especially true if you've honestly sought out who you really are. The treasure of such discovery can not be told to you, blindly found, taken, or created out of thin air, it is only seen after active exploration. The best comfort comes intangibly from having your satisfaction, or the release of letting go. Even better are the priceless knowings that you never had something to begin with, or that you had it all along."
"Also, what I seek, life's treasures, are often overlooked or not as expensive as Id thought. The cost to me may have been reduced, an easier path taken given or created, but what I judge upon purchase, (life or choice), is not judged by the other side. It is simply offered for purchase. Be at peace knowing there is more to buy, par-ooze, or go home with what you don't really need anyway. The store opens and closes its up to me to go there. Life goes on beyond the experience of shopping....(wink)"
***
I think if we can be honest about our fears it allows us to have the courage to choose love. That love isn't about giving up anything, loss, or adding to ourselves. It's about owning ourselves, sharing how we see ourselves, being true to our highest possible self. I don't think it serves anyone to discount, down play, or put aside fears. Judgement calls about the validity of fears or their worth isn't helpful either. What others think has nothing to do with us. What matters is who we are in-spite of them, and what are we going to honestly do about it. You have to be honest about that, or all you'll focus on is the fear. And if you do that, you're stuck and will only get more of it. You have to really just learn to let go, not worry, and allow yourself to focus on love. It's only then you can be happy.
***
Stop judging what
you think
you see
and feel
Express yourself without shame.
As this life lets you embrace your heart,
know others seek the same freedom.
Tolerance. Compassion. Selfless love,
allows all to live.
The human animal is messy,
don't be too hard on yourself.
***
The adventure and the road is often far more important than the goal.
I Need to remember that...because with the pains of life,
its easy to get fixated on a destination of imagined desire,
instead of living for today as
the heart wants to 'be'.
Knowing yourself for that,
and letting go of the rest,
is one of the keys
to enjoying that adventure,
no matter what ails.
***
The art of happiness often at times isn't about trying, it's about being. Practicing inner balance, letting go, and doing like what feels most like who you are on the inside. It's about forgiving those who don't understand and knowing that how they see life isn't about who you are. It might seem sad, as if somehow you'd never be able to take part in their life. Rather than lament what never was and might never be, focus on what brings you the most peace in this moment. That will make letting go feel more comfortable.
***
Sometimes we all grow weary.
Tired, sore, and in pain from broken hearts.
We think about loved ones in Spirit and
we wonder how we can ever go on and
ask why anyone would ever
choose to come back to this life.
That's when Spirit said,
'It's not about the life,
It's not about that body.
No time, no place, no pace.
It's the anticipation of dreams
The release of held breath
The tight throats and squeezed chest
Slowly eyes closed
The smell of memory
Savored flavor
The feel of honey
The rush of money
What i feel
In the thrill
Shrill or pill or still
Its the moment
The hunger
The thrust
When you burst
That you can say
Here i am
This moment,
Life, Feel so now.'
***
When others speak of for what they 'think of you', oftentimes, it is because they are uncomfortable about something within themselves. When you hear the words; "you should, you need, if only, you are, you can't, or you wont"; what they are really doing is reflecting themselves while looking at you. Rather than spend time asking yourself when and why that happened, ask yourself if this is your problem or their problem. Those who really seek to love unconditionally, don't make anyone 'try so hard'. Instead those who have love in their hearts acknowledge; "what we have, what we did, what we do have, and what we are doing now."
Just wanted you to know I've often seen the best of myself in you, you help'd me and many others see that. Stay true to how you feel inside and don't worry.
***
The price of forgiveness for good or ill is always love. You may find yourself unable to forgive. Out of anger. Out of fear. Out of vengeance. Out of selfishness. Out of apathy. You may say you are protecting love. Protecting yourself. But fullness of love will be denied you, and you will forever seek it until you can forgive.
Should you choose forgiveness, new loves will always be open to you. You will not only be able to live again... but live anew.
***
Joy, comfort, happiness, and purpose.
These things and others;
You can try to wait for them,
or you can try to find them,
but really it's best to create them,
In yourself, and enable the same in others.