How to love yourself

Jul 27

How Do You Love Yourself?

In response to today’s, Liz posed a very thought-provoking question: How do we learn to love ourselves. Apparently, this question is so essential to our very being, our essence, that Erik through Jason, wasted no time in providing his insight. Thanks Erik, Jason and Lizzie.

Erik, How do I love myself?

“OK, dude, here’s the thing. Love, people think love is something they need to do. They think that it’s somethin you gotta find, or take. That’s not what self love is about. It’s not anything you can find, or something another persons gonna be able to give you. No one can make you feel it. No one can show you the way. What’s going on is that people are reacting to the shit in their life. IT can be awesome, or crap. But what they are doing is feeling uncomfortable with how they feel about what they are experiencing. This can be buggin you, or making you hate yourself, or hatin other people. Don’t matter, what their doin is seeing themselves apart and outside from their reality. And most of the time they’ve created that reality through the choices they made or didn’t make. So then they feel resistance to how they “really” want to be within that experience. They know on a soul level how they want to be. They want to be who they really are and be ok with it. It’s just that they are not paying attention to themselves. They are looking everywhere but where they should be. Their self. Love has never ever been about looking outside. It’s about looking in and accepting who you are, shit and all and just smile, just simply surrendering to yourself. Surrendering to the experience. Only then can you find the peace that letting go gives. And in that moment, it’s a now moment, then can you see that person you wanna be. You can then freely make the choice to move to or twords that perception, that idea. This moves you to who you always are, what you love about yourself. The return to the self, the remembering of who you are. This is always greater than you see yourself now, It is always a journey of love. There is always more of you to love. Always more to understand. This is self, love. Surrender, acceptance, be. Who I wanna be helps me be, feel, and understand. I love the feeling moving to this gives me. I wanna help you feel this too. I love how I feel when we work together to feel this. This is unconditional love of self. The knowing that you are worthy, and despite and in-spite of anything life seems to through at you, you wanna keep diggin your self up. At the bottom of that pile is a heart of gold you always had. Dude, just let it shine. Your worth it. You’ll love yourself for it!”

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I think learning to love ourselves is one of the main reasons we are here living the human experience. Without this crucial lesson, we cannot truly and unconditionally love others. By remembering that we ARE Love, we remember that everyone and everything is Love as well.

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Tomorrow is a (long) travel day for me, so I will not be able to post until Friday. But feel free to browse through earlier posts or listen to the Sheila Show interview archives (if they make one) on Jamie and Erik’s interview! Back to full grid.

SHEILA SHOW

Wednesday, July 27, 2011.

5:02 p.m. Pacific Time

http://instantteleseminar.com/?eventID=21065592

There are 25 comments to this post.

Liz says:
July 27, 2011 at 8:28 AM
I’m so happy that this question was posted and answered so quickly–thank you to Elisa, Erik and Jason for this.
Self-love is something I struggle with, and I highly doubt I’m alone on that one! I read Tolle’s latest book where he breaks down ego, and I guess that’s what trips me up sometimes: how can one differentiate self-love/feeling they’re on the right path from delusions of grandeur? And does this fear go right back to being too one-dimensional, that is, observing and reacting simply to what you see and hear?
An example of this: “You’ll never make money doing x,y,z…” Deep down you feel they are wrong but limited observation shows you what they’re saying appears to be true. And then you think, “Can I “see” the deep-down truth if I just “feel” it more? Will these positive examples replace the negative ones?”
I’m very curious as to what the Erik family things about this. Does anyone have any methods or techniques that have helped them become connected with their source?
all the best,
Liz
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hiral says:
July 27, 2011 at 8:46 AM
what a lovely post!beautiful language and so uplifting and accurate.thank u so much erik,jason and elisa.love u all….
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M and M says:
July 27, 2011 at 12:43 PM
Thank you Erik and Jason for answering this one so quickly. That must mean it’s important (smile).
I know one of the easiest things to do when one thinks of why they are lacking in self love is to look all the times someone implied or told us we were wrong or something similar, and the feelings of unworthiness started. I’m sure that is a big part of what we struggle with, but I have also seen something else.
I think the fear of success can also lead to lack of self love. This may be something embedded so deep that it’s hard to spot. It’s a fear of everything changing should we allow ourselves to really shine and succeed (our relationships, guilt of leaving someone behind, how people view us, judgments, jealousy, etc). Even though those changes would probably be for the better, they could still equal big, huge life changes, which equals fear which leads to self sabotage or limitation so full success is never reached. Over time, this leads to internal disharmony and a lack of self love.
I have not discovered the secret yet, if anyone else has please share, but I have been told that what is for our highest good would never conflict with the highest good of someone else, even if that someone else doesn’t see it that way. Therefore, if changes happen in response to someone shining their light/living their success, then it is for the highest good for all.
One of my favorite sayings is Nelson Mandela’s 1994 inaugural speech;
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others.
This blog does a little bit of that every day. As we awaken to our own truths, we give others power to do the same. I cannot see a better representation of self love than that.
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nikki says:
July 27, 2011 at 1:10 PM
I like this article on self love.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200212/your-trump-card-self-love
Jason thanks for the post :)
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Yvonne says:
July 27, 2011 at 2:35 PM
Loving one’s Self is not the problem; it is loving all of the selves, all of the incarnations, both while in the life and outside of it. And who is the Self, anyway? The Higher Self is the same and yet not the same as me, the person I am, in this world. I like parsing this stuff and thinking about it; but yeah, I can truly say that I love my divine teacher and beloved friend, the Higher Self, the eternal Me. It just is. Not sure about the other “selves….”
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Liz says:
July 27, 2011 at 3:13 PM
Hello everyone, and thank you for your thoughts. M and M, you hit the nail right on the head, especially when talking about the big life changes that happen when your life, happiness, self improves. Will have to keep this in mind…
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Shawna says:
July 27, 2011 at 4:14 PM
Wow! Awesome- I love ya’ll so much. I have really been dealing with this and getting a lesson from it here lately too. Since I haven’t been working, I’ve been given a chance to get to know and love myself more. I started reading this book 48 Days To The Work You Love by Dan Miller and it’s an interactive workbook. So it’s kind of a cool book because you make goals in all the areas of your life and seek to have a balance all of in them: spiritual, career, financial, social, family, physical, and personal development.
It kind of reminds me of the chakras, where you want to be in balance there too and with your energy. My step-mom bought me this book called A Handbook of Chakra Healing – Spiritual Practice for Health, Harmony, and Inner Peace, but I haven’t started that book yet. So to me its kind of like the Universe is giving me this message/ lesson about balance. I know I have been way off balance for the last few years due to a job that I let drain me. I guess that’s what I have to do before I can earn my next job or step, whatever is work on this self love thing and having balance.
Love & Light,
Shawna
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Tom says:
July 27, 2011 at 6:52 PM
This is a great validation for something I had recently learned myself. Actually, it comes from, of all places, something that YODA from “Star Wars” said to Luke while he was training as a Jedi in the swamp on Degobah.
Paraphrasing (badly) “look where “YOU” are, not to where others are, Look inside yourself, and ignore what others are doing. A Jedi craves no fame or success or fortune.You fail because you fear yourself and success. you fear what YOU “might” become not, what you truly are.
Not a good recounting of the script (I saw the movie a long time ago, almost in a galaxy far far away too =P ) but the under lying message is the same. we fear what we don’t know, if we don’t know ourselves. It’s easy to confront an enemy we can see, but how can you confront or conquer what you can’t see or know, even though you “see” yourself everyday in the mirror?
Anyways.. a long ramble etc as usual *blush*
I have learned a number of things through life and one of them has been that I have given myself the gift of satisfaction and contentment. Not because I am arrogant or smug or because of my material holdings, but because of what I have learned and what I know and what I know that I can do. I can loose everything, but still hold that satisfaction and contentment, because I can start over and do it all again with what I know and have learned. I know I am a good person, and try to make the world a better place, and make a difference in some small way.
My problem is I fall into the trap of what someone else is doing or up to, (or not doing in the case of my work) and it bothers me. But I think it bothers “THEM’ more that I have what I have inside, and they really have no effect on me and my contentment with who I am.
That can never be destroyed or taken away, it is mine, and of my creation, and no one else’s.
This brings with it security and stability and ultimately happiness, because you are not affected internally by other peoples issues and pettiness etc.
I keep my nose in MY business and in things I have direct control over, and I leave everyone else alone.
It’s the busy bodies who create drama and BS and uncertainty and unhappiness because THEY are empty and hollow and unhappy because they cannot give themselves the contentment and satisfaction others have. They bury themselves in material things and think they get satisfaction from interfering or meddling in others affairs and manipulating others for their own (supposed) benefit. But the satisfaction is shallow at best, and comes with smugness, not contentment. Thus they are stuck in the endless treadmill and wheel of unhappiness and resentment of others BECAUSE of their own selfish actions and attitudes.
Just BE *YOU* accept *YOU* warts in all. sure we screw up….make mistakes etc. especially if we didn’t have anyone to instruct us or teach us the things we need to know to live better lives. Is that our fault?? NO! We have all the tools available to us, all we have to do it pick them up. Leaders like the Dahli Lamma (sp) and other spiritual individuals are there for us…all we have to do is listen.
Erik confirmed this for me, as I have felt and thought this for…I guess.. the last 6 months or so.
Did you ever wonder why some people seem to just be at peace?? have lots of energy?? are not really bothered by much of what is going on around them??
They are happy with where they are and what their world is doing, and have simple words or solutions to offer when asked..? These are the ones who have that ‘contentment’ and satisfaction, and can “SEE” things the way they REALLY are. These are the ones to seek out and follow, to help quiet the screaming voices of discontent and find internal love and acceptance.
Hope this helps. =)
Tom
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Kris says:
July 28, 2011 at 3:27 AM
I just listened to the Shelia interview, Erik didn’t disappoint. He made Jamie blush more than once! He had great insight on religion that rang true to me, as I am not religious. I have learned to be more spiritual through your blog & want to thank you for that! I wish you safe travels & hope you had a great trip (despite the recent events).
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Stanley says:
July 28, 2011 at 3:53 AM
Hello,
As always, another grate posting. Thanks Lizzie, Jason and Erik for bringing this questing forward for all to read. As with many things worth doing, this is something that takes work and courage. As they say, it’s easier said than done. But still worth it. :)
I think alot of the problem comes from ones childhood. Think about it. Let’s take potty training for exaple. The adult wants the child to use the toilet. So when the child uses the toilet, we make a huge deal about it and tell the child what a big boy/girl he/she is and so forth. And the child smiles and is happy to hear such nice things. And fast forward years ahead and we look to our teachers or bosses to tell us we are doing a good job. We work hard to get certificates and trophies to prove our worth. I don’t know, I guess I am just thinking out loud. But when I think about this difficulty of looking internal, it seems to go back to our earliest years. Just my thoughts on the subject. :)
-Stanley
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Steve says:
July 28, 2011 at 7:17 AM
That was fantastic! Erik, through Jason – thank you! It really does boil down to living in the now, accepting everything for what it is, enjoying each moment of life and looking forward to the next, loving oneself unconditionally (warts and all), and choosing love over fear. We are eternal. Lose the FEAR!
Great stuff :)
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Jillybean says:
July 28, 2011 at 10:15 AM
I have been dealing with this a lot in my grief journey. It’s hard to forgive yourself for mistakes that can never be corrected or words taken back. Think I need to set up a reading to work on finding that peace. Found an amazing local lady shortly after my husband died. Thanks for sharing your awesomeness Eric! :)
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Trisha says:
July 28, 2011 at 10:57 AM
This is amazing Erik. Thankyou for stating this so clearly and beautifully.
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Shawna says:
July 28, 2011 at 12:36 PM
@Tom~Beautiful words of wisdom, they really spoke to me and I loved the Star Wars Jedi analogy. Thank you. :)
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amy cavanaugh says:
July 28, 2011 at 2:04 PM
the show was great last night-good to hear Jamie’s sweet voice again-do any of you know if she has had any past lives-she reminds me of someone I know who was told this was her first time to earth. as far as all this other there are two things (1) LOVE (2) ALL ELSE THAT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS this is a huge lesson for me in that included in none of our business is what other people think and say about us.
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Denise says:
July 28, 2011 at 3:56 PM
Excellent Sheila Show!
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Liz says:
July 28, 2011 at 5:15 PM
Stanley, I so get that (re: childhood)!
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YAHAIRA says:
July 28, 2011 at 10:09 PM
Hey Elisa guess what? I’m able to go to the public channel, so i need all the info about it.
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guitarlinda says:
July 28, 2011 at 11:15 PM
yippee……what a great job on the Sheila show Eric and Jamie.. I was so very impressed with the material and presentation…hope for many more interviews, such a good way to get the word out.
Thanks!
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Rebecca says:
July 29, 2011 at 11:37 AM
I wrote this a long time ago. The few people who read it never really “got” it. I guess it’s about time for me to share it with our CE family:
Love is so pure, and so simple. Many people confuse it with something difficult and complicated. It is confused with needs, wants, expectations, obligations, desire. Love is none of these. We say “unconditional love” when such does not exist, because love is not an object to be labeled, nor is it finite and something which can exist or not exist through our own will. Conditional love is a contradiction in terms, for that which is conditional does not equate with love at all.
Love is not something to be given or received, because that is not the nature of love. How can one give away what one does not own? Who owns the air we breathe, the scent of a rose, the colors of the spectrum, the warmth of the sun? They exist, as love exists, except love is limitless in all aspects. Love is all. It is God within every living soul. We may become, in our minds, in our thoughts, unattached from love, but it exists nonetheless. We may imagine we are unloved, but it is not so. Love is eternal and omnipotent, even when we do not allow ourselves to embrace it.
We all need to be touched, held, and nurtured. It is necessary to life in the physical world and a tangible expression of love. It is wonderful and pleasurable, but it is not love itself, and its absence does not indicate a lack of love. Lack of love cannot exist, as lack of God cannot exist.
Have you ever loved someone and they responded in an unloving way? This is because they live in fear. They think love is something outside of themselves that they are called upon to attain, to do, to be, to feel…something that is required of them that they don’t understand how to produce. They get it confused with the many things we humans think of as love. So they retreat, out of fear, and fear obscures love. Surrounded by fear, love unacknowledged is perceived as sadness too deep, a pain too unbearable.
Love truly expects nothing in return, for expectations are a human contrivance. Love simply is. We need to stop trying to shut it out for fear that it is something else. Let go of hiding from love, guessing what it may or may not be. Remove the walls we have built in our minds, for love cannot be contained anyway. Neither can we be separated from it, though God knows we try, by seeking it as though it were not here, everywhere.
If we let go of every thought we ever had about love we will see the light shining so brightly we will be amazed that we ever missed it. The day will come when we recognize ourselves as who we truly are and every soul we encounter will bring forth an outpouring of love, beauty will reside in every sight, and peace will be complete. If we would only allow it to be so, the love that permeates our being, unleashed, would transform our world.
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Patrick says:
July 29, 2011 at 5:24 PM
@Rebecca – that is absolutely, simply terrific. Thank you, thank you and THANK YOU.
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Madeline says:
July 31, 2011 at 5:02 PM
Zoot zoot zoot ~ Love it! <3
Thank you, thank you, thank you Rebecca. Beautifully worded.