June 2011

June 30, 2011

I was just surfing the web, (yes I am supposed to be on vacation--I can't help it)...(ha ha) Most of you know I am a huge research nerd. I like to try to get to the bottom of things. And I rarely even accept explanations of my own experiences as golden truth.

I was reading the work of an occult researcher's reports on the nature of psychic abilities and spiritual communication. Let me tell you. There is huge differences in these types of work from the vast majority of main stream spiritual information out there. And I started being bothered by what I was reading.

One of the odd things I've run across that slightly disturbs me... which I suppose is rather quite normal, actually... Is the HUGE plethora of so called Spiritual information out there. Everything from All the worlds Religions, Theologies, Mysticism, Shamanistic traditions, philosophies, metaphysics, and opinions on the occult and new age stuff....I mean... the list goes on and on.... Just how does one make sense of it all? Where does one start and stop? What to believe and what to disregard? What makes all this even harder, is taking someone like me, with paranormal and spiritual experiences and trying to figure out how any of it relates to me in a useful way. I mean much of the time I feel totally stuck in the middle. On one end, people think I am going to hell. Then on another I am crazy.. Then there are other points in the non science and non religious groups that have just as many opinions and beliefs about everything under the sun. It all seems to be about "who's right and who's wrong".... I am not sure I care for any of it really. I dont' think it matters. Basically I always fall back on the premise of, "It's all about what it means to YOU and if and how you can apply it to the now of your life".

June 29, 2011

Toilet talk:

You know what I wanna know? I wanna know WHY Spirits insist on chatting while I am in the Loo? I call it "Toilet talk". Last night I came downstairs in the middle of the night and I see this shimmer follow me into the bathroom. I leave the light off, because... it's supper bright and the fan is noisy. I didn't want to wake the dog up and have it follow me in. Then I had a new experience. I was sitting there minding my business (yes, you can laugh), and able to actually wave my hand and have it pass through the shimmer of the spirits energy. And as I did so, the sight of my hand was actually slightly obstructed and in shadow. Not shadow from the light but from shadow of independent mass. I could actually see and feel and pins and needles pressure sensation, that as I weaved my hand through it, and pulled it away, it actually appeared to be made of some kind of webbing, or gossamer filmy mass... I asked the energy whom I suspected and had ideas of whom it was.. but didn't know for sure... I asked it, "why is it always in the bathroom? Can't you see I am busy? (and yes for some reason I was not terribly bothered by privacy issues)" The reply was, " Because you are alone, less distracted and in this moment your intent is not hampered by expectation"

All of which made me laugh.... But it brought to mind another series of thought.

'I was talking to a dear friend the other day. She was lamenting why she can not or should I say, had yet to, experience Spirit the way I and some others do. She wanted the experiences right now. And she told me it was unfair and it made her upset. She envied me or the situation.' I run into this quite a bit. Specifically with people who are grieving, but at the same time, their lives are experiencing new Spiritual experiences. New avenues of communication are being taken. New paths. Paths that often take years to travel. It's hard to know what to say other than, 'time will tell'. For me it's very difficult to reply. One, because I do not have the grief component in this lifetime--thus the sense of urgency and purpose is very different.; Two; It's hard to relate because, while on a soul-level my personality did choose this path; On an incarnate level, this personality feels like it has and had no choice. In this life, there was NEVER a choice of "gee-I think I will explore Spiritual and all it's manifestations". I can not turn this off. It never goes away. And it does not work like people think it should. It is always lurking for me. 24 hrs a day, every day. These experiences came and appeared unbidden to the child, to the teenager, to the adult. The only choices that came were those that stemmed as a result of the experience. As an adult, the choices involved being consumed by fear, or by trying to figure out what was going on. But, I know on a soul level I did choose this. I chose it consciously when planning my life, and as a boy and teen I chose it unconsciously. And as an adult I continuously choose. So too can everyone else choose. But if people do choose; they need to keep in mind, this type of journey is a life long one. It is not something you can read about and study overnight or even over the course of a year--throw your expectations at and then suddenly achieve your desires. Spirit works on Spirits terms. Not our personality's terms. They have the big picture. We are focused in the 3D for a reason. What will serve us best is to set our intent and then try to patiently explore it. Frustration and beating one's self up over a perceived lack of progress will not do anyone any good. Myself included. I too get extremely upset over development issues. The only time it gets better and advances is when I surrender and give in to being guided without labels or expectation. It's a very hard road, but I am confident that even though I can't see it; that in the end it will all be worth it.

June 28, 2011

I wouldn't normally post this type of thing per say; But I thought the content to be interesting and useful enough that I thought I'd share. The other day I asked a mentor of mine the following.

**A couple of questions:

1) In paying close attention to one's thoughts.... Is there a difference between acting on one's thought's and dwelling on ones thoughts for a span of time... ie. a day that one is in a bad mood....and then release.... or....One interesting.. well; I don't know if it's interesting or not.. is the role thoughts and emotion plays in channeling and the so called "clair" experiences... Like Sunday.. I allowed myself to get into an extremely bad mood and ended up attracting some type of Spiritual experience via a lucid dream and clairvoyance that was really distressing. I ended up calling out to Z for help in the wee hours of the morning. Am I correct in understanding this experience as a lesson in minding and guarding my thoughts and feelings. That like attracts like for the sensitive as well as in physical 3D.? I think I really messed that one up. Especially since Z taught me how to watch for and work out those sudden emotional attachments.... It was almost like part of me wanted to wallow in the negative emotions and let it drain me even though there was no cause for it. I think it was caused by an emotional trigger of anxiety from an blog reader contacting me; and not knowing how to deal with it at the time....So this last Sundays lesson really hit home with me that I really want to do a better job of guarding my thoughts and emotions... And that even a few hours of self indulgence can have consequences...Have you ever had that happen?

2) Can you speak to the interaction of recognizing an entity through environmental sensations without clairvoyance or clair-audience? Last week, I ran across a situation in that I thought I was channeling someone, but in reality I was being mislead by another Spirit. Granted this was my own fault for not properly setting my intent and connecting in the way I was taught...I made the judgement error by skin sensation and feelings alone.. Which was a mistake.....But still, it brought to mind a question ***** asked me..... When an incarnate sense's of a Spirit in their presence via skin sensations or just a "knowing"... Is it possible to tell who it is without clairvoyance? If so, how. I've been lead to believe that skin and auric sensations via energy interactions are not an indication of whom, but how...Is this true? All of which leads to my own personal experiences throughout the day, in which I sense the coming and goings of Spirit via skin sensations... But because I have not set my intent to communicate with Erik, my guides, ect. I don't bother interacting other than perhaps an occasional acknowledgement. But part of me is interested and wonders who it was. Part of the problem is of course is doubts on my part and my not working to figure it out.... For example this morning, I was in a hurry to get ready for work, and the laundry light turned on by itself (Spirit) and I got the skin tingle and pressure to indicate energy, but I didn't have time or inclination to figure it out. I just laughed and said hi, and went on my business...Any thoughts or tips you could share?

*********************************

Her reply to my questions were:

*********************************

Answer to question (1)

"The most important thing to remember about thoughts is that they are energy so if you are dwelling on negative thoughts you are giving them more energy - dwelling on negative thoughts produces bad moods magnified. When you act on your negative thoughts you are bringing them to life in which case you will have to endure the undesirable experiences of cause and effect that not only affects you but affects others as well because they pick up on your negative energy and then they react negatively. The best course of action is to recognize that you are having negative thoughts which is an emotional signal to you that something in your reality is out of wack and then choose not to dwell on your negative thoughts because there is simply no way negative thoughts can produce anything positive except to teach you a lesson. ....the lucid dream may have been more symbolic than you realize. The psyche has a way of bringing certain things to our attention via symbols or activity while in the dream state. When you take your bad mood to bed with you your psyche will try to work it out for you and teach you a lesson as well. In this respect you can say that like attracted like but in the form of a symbolic spiritual encounter. In the dream state we work out issues, we learn things about ourselves and we experience the other dimensions of our realities other than the reality that we are accustomed to experiencing in our conscious awareness. We think we have only one mind that can only experience one reality but the fact is that we have many minds or many layers of consciousness that are experiencing in multiple realities in other dimensions that we are not aware of and is usually only visible to us in our dreams, meditations or OBE's. So it is very possible that the anxiety you felt in not knowing how to deal with the person who contacted you not only triggored your bad mood but also triggored the dream encounter. Rather than wallow in the negative emotions try doing some Reiki healing on yourself. You should give yourself an energy attunement so that you are not emotionally affected by the negativity attached to someone you may be trying to help. In fact you should run energy through your chakras before you respond to someone who might put you at emotional risk to begin with, hence, no wallowing and no bad moods. And that even a few hours of self indulgence can have consequences...yes indeed, it is called cause and effect! I have had this happen before, but the more I raised my level of understanding the affects and effects of not guarding my thoughts or "quelling" my emotions in my past experiences the easier it became to not dwell on them. Once I grasped the idea that I could actually make choices it began to change my experiences. One of the most valuable lessons I learned was to keep things in perspective because just as soon as you let your perceptions run lose its a down hill slide from there. A friend once said to me that its easy going down but the climb back up is a bitch. When you can get yourself on top of your thoughts and emotions you see things very differently, with much more clarity so you are not prone to negative emotions or the consequence of them. Hard lesson to learn but once you learn it I can assure you it changes how you think and react to the things of life."

Answer to question (2)

"In respect to how you and ******* have stated your questions my responses are this: yes, you can recognize the presence of an entity via skin sensations but what you are really experiencing is the energy of the entity which gives you the skin sensations to begin with. Now with enough experience you can recognize the entity by the way you feel the presence of their energy if they do not speak right away. For example I know when Z is in my presence because I can feel his energy before he speaks to me but there have been times when I thought at first Z was in my presence only to realize that it wasn't Z because the energy I felt was just different enough for me to realize it wasn't him. I don't try to clairvoyantly determine who is in my presence because I do not attract low vibrational entities so I have nothing to fear or be concerned about. I simply ask the entity to please identify itself and ask why it is has come into my presence which I do in an informal and humorous way. I may say, "Okay, whose in my presence?" But if you have a tendency to attract low vibrational entities who are reluctant to identity themselves you will want to sharpen up your clairvoyant skills in order to protect yourself. Of course you should always ask entities to identify themselves first and ask them how you can help them. Entities are often reluctant to identity themselves with name as names are not important on the spiritual planes but even so they should always state the nature of their visit. Low vibrational entities can sometimes be mischevious so if you are uncomfortable with their presence just ask them to leave. I had an unexpected visit from two spirits who just happened to be passing through my reality one day. I knew they were there because I became acutely aware of the presence of their energy around me. I didn't ask who they were on this occasion, instead I assured them that I was able to communicate with them, which of course they knew otherwise they would not have made their presence known. So we had a brief but delightful conversation via automatic writing on my computer which was the method of communication they chose. They introduced themselves and told me a little about who they were and that they used to live in my neighborhood. The point is that commuincation does not need to be so formal or clairvoyant if you are not attracting unwelcomed entities. Who you attract and why is usually linked to your purpose for communicating with spiritual entities in the first place. If your mission is to assist the transition from the physical to the non-physical planes then you will meet up with all sorts of experiences. If you channel entities just for the heck of channeling as if it were a sport you will also invoke a variety of experiences which can be dangerous. I prefer to channel with purpose and good intentions so I have a tendency to channel high vibrational entities who enjoy a good teaching session and I benefit from the learning experience. I also channel on behalf of someone who needs to work through unresolved karmic issues with deceased relatives. I have also had experiences where I was put into a trance and used as a communication medium on behalf of someone whose personal issues were not for me to know about but to only allow the entities involved to work out karmic issues on behalf of that person. Relax and just enjoy the company. They know when you have time and when you don't. A simple acknowledgment is generally quite acceptable. Obviously you have a tendency to attract playful entities so I wouldn't worry about them even when they turn on your dryer or flip light switches - LOL! "

June 27, 2011

I had a great family weekend up north. The dog did so much better in the car this time. I can't say that anything particularly spiritual happened. It was mostly just rest and relaxation with the family. I had a few brief conversations with Lydia, and I read a theosophy text, but other than that-nothing. On the way home I encountered a Spirit who I think wanted attention... But I ignored him. Which I should not have done, I should have shielded, because then I just kept getting his emotions bleeding all over me. Which made for a really nasty lucid dream. I ended up having to have my guides stop the interaction. Very annoying I must say. Not that he wanted something, but annoying as in "interrupting sleep" annoying. On an unrelated note, my basement light turned itself on again.. I was startled. I think whomever it was must have giggled.

Here are a couple new links I found that might be of interest.

*Talking to Spirit

*Learn to Channel

I don't know how much I'll put out there this week. Like I said, I need a breather and to focus on family for a wee-bit. I am really excited for those going to the Erik event in Atlanta in a couple of weeks or so. I know Erik will defenatly have his hands full. Although I know he has lots of help.

June 21, 2011

I had a crazy busy weekend. I spent Friday and Sat. attending family matters, catching up on my research and was engrossed in correspondence with a CE blog reader on past life visions and developing clairvoyance, as well as starting a short article I hope to publish soon Sunday I spent catching up on my back log of channeling. I was pretty pleased with the results, but I am still a bit behind on what I wanted to accomplish. That's ok. I really can't have this stuff cut into family and home responsibilities or let it rule my day to day peace of mind. I had yesterday off from work as well due to holiday. I spent a good chunk of the day doing that home life stuff and more correspondence. So I was happy. Although I did have one interesting paranormal experience. I had just got done reading in bed and it was mid evening. I could see the trees out the ceiling skylight in the dusk. My dog was sleeping at my feet on the bed. I was laying back just thinking and talking to the "gang". When all of a sudden something climbed up into bed. It felt "dog" sized. There was nothing to be seen. But I felt the bed shake and felt the depression and weight of something on the bed. I felt it press the bed down. Nothing else, but I 'felt' it sit there next to my dog. I ignored it as that sort of thing is not all that unusual per say... and spiritually it felt fine. So I then Rolled over after a bit, and I then suddenly felt something heave it's body off the bed, in four steps and jump off and audibly land on the carpet and run across the room to the stair well. Clear as day audible steps running down the room. And I then got the distinct vision of a dog.

June 18, 2011

I had given myself a huge "to do list" this weekend, but it was a bit too much. I decided rather than worry about it I would pick it a part and get it done over the next couple of days. Mostly it was channeling for people and writing, and engaging in my spiritual studies. But, I had a fairly good day. I was able to correspond with someone from the CE blog who is learning to channel. I think we made good progress. I also felt I made good progress in my relationship to a certain spirit I wanted to help. I also made good progress in my studies and writing. Although I've got quite the "to-do list in that regard as well. It's one of those days I wish was 48hrs.... Oh well. I am not going to worry. I had things at home to deal with and family life as well.. Step by step,, all will be well. Tomorrow will be a better day!

End of June, 2011

It's now been one year! One year since my reawakening to awareness of Spirit. What a year. . . Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever ever thought this would have happened to me, ever. Before this, before my conscious reconnection to my guides; I thought I was either haunted, crazy, and cold dead inside. I suppose to many that's still up for debate (grin-laugh). What started as a way to document the scary paranormal has turned into co-experienced journey of spiritual remembrance. I am so grateful for those who have helped me along the way. Both incarnate and dis-incarnate. Each month of the past year, has been unexpected and each experience has seemed to build on the previous. I am still not sure where this will all lead me, and what exactly I will end up doing with it all. I've really refrained from seeking that answer so far... I strongly feel this is something that has to flower and be explored by doing, not knowing. I've always felt this way. Like I am being herded, driven, to a destination not yet remembered. Driven to learn, remember, do, and share. It has been very scary on many levels and I feel that I have a long way to go. My guides have said, wait, there is more to work through yet to come. But what amazes me about the look back is that from this new perspective is that drama, problems, and scary experiences of life now seem very trivial and easy. I think that's because I've realized that the more I go looking for who I really am, the less real the past, present and future seem, in so much that I am so much more than my experiences, that I am not ever alone, and life and those I share it with are beautiful. Thank you all for letting me share my journey.

June 17, 2011

TGIF... One of those weeks where I am not sure if I wish the length of a day was 48hrs or 4hrs. A good week over all. Coming back from a family trip, I had a fairly decent work week. I also got a lot of personal spiritual issues worked on and resolved. They ended up being rather fascinating. As uncomfortable as it was I learned a lot. I've also discovered that my spouse in a former life was a child of mine who died because my higher self didn't want children. And they agreed to die to teach me about loss. Did I mention that already? I can't recall and I am not in the mood to go look. I've also been strangely affected by the planetary junk you've been hearing about in the news. I didn't think I would be but I have been. I think it's contributed to some of the emotional wonkiness and odd metaphysical experiences. Lastly, Yesterday I got some resolution to an issue I've had off an on with a spirit Robert and I have had dealings with. Through my mentor, my Teacher, and Erik I was able to fine tune some of my feelings about my experiences and find some closure. I am not sure if I will write about it, I need to fine tune my journal entry about it so respect and privacy is better. But it was quite the lesson in "who we are when we die stays with us"... Oh one more thing. I also met a friend and colleague's guide Karl, who is a devotee of Meher Baba. It was a cool experience because it was out of the blue, and I didn't expect it. My reaction was quite funny and enlightening. I've not had the chance to talk to him further but I intend to.

June 16, 2011

Everything is right as rain this morning. I am in a pretty good spot emotionally and spiritually. Although I am fairly busy at work and I have quite a bit scheduled on my Spiritual "to-do" list for the rest of the week. I am not sure how that will translate to channeling and posting on this site or facebook. The middle of summer is always so touch and go with my schedule, family life and the holidays. So even if I don't post much in the next few weeks, please feel free to contact me here or on facebook. I promise to eventually get back to you and I'll put you on my "to-do" list. :) .

June 15, 2011

I had a bit of a rough emotional tumble this morning. Those of you who know me, know, this is nothing new. I really didn't want to blog about this, but like so many things I feel compelled to do it despite my fear of rejection.

In reading Elisa's channeled transcript about soul groups and families I am reminded that many people drawn to the CE community are in the same soul group and within that are many soul families that heavily interact throughout life times. I don't for a second believe any of this CE stuff is coincidence. The concept of soul group and soul families are fuzzy spiritual terms that mean different things to different people. To me, a soul group is a very very large group of people that work on similar emotional goals or issues. And a soul family are smaller groups within that large group that tend to reincarnate together.

Honestly I don't' know much beyond that and the incomplete psychic past life memories I've had. But such talk often upsets me because I selfishly want to claim "friends, family and loved ones" as belonging to me, and I to them. I want to be needed and loved, outside of what I've offered or what is true, or what the reality of the situation is. A reality I am not privy to due to incarnation. I find myself getting jealous over the unknown along with other undesired emotion such as loneliness, unworthiness, doubt, fear, self loathing, ect.

I feel like such an ass. Seriously. I still feel so lost. so lost. Like a four year old stumbling around, knowing nothing of the world around me. Just stumbling into everything new. Excited and scared all at the same time.

What is buggin me now is several things. One, is that I have fears of misjudging my relationships to those I communicate with in Spirit. I sometimes feel that I've burdened them unduly. It's the same feeling I had in HS, or other moments in life where I've experienced unrequited love or friendship. I have always had great fear that I have loved or wanted from those in Spirit who do not share my affection. And because of the wonderful spirit they are, they said nothing and let me think incorrectly. Then I have a false sense of embarrassment and shame. Which is ridiculous. I know, but I still felt it. Feel it even though I know better. I know I have to carry on and try again. But a part of me, wants to hide. To ignore, to withdraw and protect myself. I am so afraid of being hurt. Lame. I can only imagine what the everyday reader thinks of this. That I need to get a grip at best, and get a mental hospital at worst. Right now the only thing that comforts me is the desire to keep going no matter what. Albeit I may puke a bit due to nerves.

I've written some about this topic before, but I had another relapse of self absorbed illogical self pity. Which purely stems from separation of my personality from Spirit.

That being that I am a manifestation of the ALL of Creation and a Spiritual Entity in my own right. That no one, and no Spirit completes me other than what is taken and given freely through love.

In someone like me, who is sensitive to the Spirit world, living life can have it's own set of emotional challenges. Read here.

https://sites.google.com/site/kookyspookyookyjournal/musings/loneliness-of-sensitivity

and related articles here

https://sites.google.com/site/kookyspookyookyjournal/musings

That said, many times I think I've overly attached myself to those in Spirit as a coping mechanism for how I perceive my life, and my discomfort with my place in it, past and present. Not that I wasn't in communication but that my preceptions were taken too far due to fear. I think sometimes it borders on unhealthy. Because of my paranormal and Spiritual experiences I've often latched onto those in Spirit I've had regular communication and interaction with on a conscious level. Often like a child to mother. A lot of it based on my desire for hand holding, reassurance, a tonic for fear.

This type of emotional action caused a lot of mental and emotional attachment on my part that is perhaps poorly understood on my part. Which I think has caused me to make all sorts of assumptions regarding my relationship with those dis-incarnate. Some of it has been based on my own unhappiness with the family I was born into. And my desire to supplant those relationships with ones I fantasized would suit me better... Those with the dis-incarnate.

All of which might be a mistake. I can't remember my pre-birth planning. I can't remember all of why I came to this live to experience. Nor can I remember the agreements and interaction with all of those in and out of my life experience. I really have no idea about the true nature of relationships with anyone or any spirit. All I have to go on are my clairvoyant, clairaudient, and psychic experiences and messages from other mediums. All of which do not provide a big picture. All those little insights do is to give glimpses into the past that might serve me now. Nothing else.

Erik once said to me, "Your given the family you need not want". For a long time I've struggled with such a concept, and still do. I want that group of people to love me and I them in a selfish way, to complete me. To be my mother, father, brother, sister, ect. ect. that I felt I never had, but wanted. I wanted that best friend, that attention, that love that in this life eluded me or made me uncomfortable. Not that I didn't have these things, cause I do and did. It's just that by turning away from examining my own experiences and my part in them; I turned outward and psychically to the dis-incarnate and basically projected my wishes on them. It doesn't feel very fair to them. Which shames me and guilt crops up in my emotional state.

I know that I have lived many many lives over a very long time. And through those times, I have sowed the seeds of relationships that emotionally follow me through the ages. But these are not relationships of need, or want. They are relationships of mutual friendship and love. A desire to share of ones self without expectation. In the narrow focus of incarnation; this is often forgotten. I forget.

To realize this, to remember this, is to bring me closer to my ultimate reality. That I am worthy of love. That I am not alone. That others wait for me. That just as there is hope in the universe, that I can offer hope and be hope for others just as I hope. That unconditional love given without expectation is the only basis for any path to the true self. I have no need for others approval. No one can complete me, but that which I can give to myself. This is not arrogance or ego of the base personality, but the knowing of the soul that I only want to love for the greater good. In that, there is no self of the "I"... There is only self in the service of we, you, and us all together.

Still it's a hard concept to hold onto.

I tried very hard to give myself a pity party today. But synchronicity, responsibility, life, and the spirit gang prevented it. Here is an excerpt from a whiny email I sent a few people;

First email

"Hey, I am feeling a bit blue. If I don't post on FB or online for a while, that's why. I am kinda burnt out on all things CE and Spirit. And want a break to just chill. You are all welcome to drop me a line or phone call, It's just that I am going to try and lay low and recharge. I don't plan on checking Facebook or the CE site, so if someone needs or wants me, they are welcome to email. I told a couple people that I'd channel for this this weekend, but other than that I am going to just chill for a bit. I've got work to do and family stuff to work on anyways."

Second email

"WHY is it... EVERY time I want to start the "pity party boat cruise" one of the gang insists on causing life events to force me out of it. WHY WHY WHY does my over developed sense of responsibility DRAG me kicking and screaming out of the water....

DAMN-it, do you KNOW how long i've worked at blowing up my inflatable rubber ducky life preserver's so I could float along in a stupor... I just want to float for few.... Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......

What makes it worse!.. is, I can't block or shut it off. I try to go dead and I keep getting one of them trying to make me laugh with visuals, or pulling on my ears or poking my face or body. Even if I yell... leave me alone for a while.... they keep coming back and say things like... ha ha made you laugh...

life what a bitch... no!, life is once bitch slap after another until you fucking wake up! That's what life is...

Ok... I am almost done...

I am fine,, but I am going to pout intermittently just on principle... Thanks... :)"

*******************************

See....! I am a work in progress just as much as the next guy.... Never mind the Spiritual and Paranormal and mediumship junk... I've got just as many issues as the next person. I am just going to have to keep trying and I will follow comedian Betty Whites advice for a long happy life...."Don't' die"....

Which is pretty funny as there is no death and there are no dead......

Thanks for listening!

~J

June 14, 2011

What's up this morning? Anything good? Doughnut? I really wanted doughnuts with my breakfast sandwich, but the proper guides smashed the bad one. :) (just kidding)... Erik thinks I should go on a diet, and excersise. I don't want to. I want to get 400lbs on fried food and be done with it. (Just kidding) (see what a horrid sense of humor I have!)

I am in a funky mood. My arthritis has been killing me lately.

I am also in a funk about Robert. He is super weak and did not sound well yesterday. And I am a HUGE worry wart. I know, and suspect and understand some of the reasons of his life plan and the things that have happened to him; and don't have a problem with it, but it still makes me cranky I can't do anything about it. I get pissed when I can't fix people. It's been a theme for me in my life.

Some times I get sick of hearing about "life themes", plans, purpose, intent, soul learning, blah blah blah, and I am like, f-that I just wanna sit here and pout! Unfortunately or fortunately that doesn't fly too long with the spirit gang. Something will happen to force me out of it, or Erik will start teasing me with images. And let me tell you, he can really get carried away! But still.....Seriously.. I get in these moods.. "crap, another 30-40 years of this shit". Sigh.....Ever feel like that? Opportunities for love and self exploration aside, I still want people to tell me it's gonna be ok. Elisa and Erik are the only ones in my life that ever did that. Seriously...

I about killed my dog yesterday. He was having severe separation anxiety. We put him in the kennel to go grocery shopping, and he panicked. Then we got home he spent a couple hours outside and wouldn't come in cause he thought we were going to leave him again. I had to lure him in with pieces of chicken, and then slam the door shut before he could escape. Even so, he was so afraid of going inside and being left alone that he was crawling on his belly with ears down whimpering for the chicken and staring wide eyed at the door. And then when he got the chicken he slinked off to the cage and I had to reassure him I wasn't leaving. I suppose there is a metaphor for life with Spirit in here??

At the grocery store, the super target; I decided I would stock up on groceries for the pantry as I had not bought food in ages and ages like that. So I ended up spending $300 on mostly dry goods. I did this with "Supposedly Erik's suggestion of stocking up on supplies in mind...." But I have to tell you. I am not buying it. Erik has NEVER said such things of gloom and doom to me. Never once suggested about survivalists, or threats, or any fear based scenarios. I really questions peoples filters that come up with this stuff. I mean part of me believes the swap in the Earths magnetic field might cause problems, part of me believes in severe change and more disasters, but we all still have to live our lives and deal with whatever comes our way. I just don't see any reason to panic or get worked up about it. Just do the best you can, be responsible, help your neighbor, learn about yourself in the face of trouble, work to improve your world and the rest will take care of itself. But that's just me. I also don't buy into the US navy "flooded map of the US" that is floating on the internet out there. I am very familiar with geography. Even if the oceans do go up several stories in our life time, I really cant see it matching that map. At least in my life time. I think the people panicking do not realize the tenacity, skill, and will of a people to survive and alter it's environment with structures. But I don't know anything; this is just my opinion.

The bugs here are just horrid this summer. All that snow, rain and cool weather made them explode. Walking to work in clouds of gnats and other gross things.

I know this all sounds whiney and what not, but I am good. I've got my coffee and food and music going (Prince).

I've got a ton of work to do at my job though. I've got to do a better job of time management if I am going to do that and the blog junk.

ps. As I write this the caffeine sinks in and I am in a better mood. :) (grin)

June 13, 2011

I had a good weekend. The Thur./ Fri. before I had experienced very good, no, excellent resolutions to a couple of readings I did for people, as well as a very nice follow up.

The journey up north to the in-laws started fine. Rushed about due to trying to get read with the puppy knowing something was up.

During the first 40 minutes of the trip the dog was in the back of the vehicle in the wire kennel. I seriously thought it was going to bash his head in from having a panic attack.

Then I got it out of the kennel and sat in the back seat with him leashed. He hyperventilated the entire trip, and required a lot of forcing to keep still and from lunging about the car. I feel kinda bad about that, but I did much better coming home. On the way back he was mostly calm and would sit on command and I was much calmer. He shed like crazy though. Learning patience, no, being reminded to be patience can be a challenge.

Once there, the puppy had a totally blast, tons of fun with the other family dogs. There was some good relaxing moments. I wish they would come up more though, because our place is bigger and more comfortable. I also wish my brother and sister in law would do the same. They are new parents and very timid about exposing their child to anything. Which can be quite frustrating.

That's pretty much it for the weekend. Ho-hum family time. I still feel like I need time off or maybe just more sleep.

oh, I am still reading that reincarnation book. "Your Soul’s Plan: Discovering the Real Meaning of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born" by Robert Schwartz. Still mind blowing and amazing! Quite good. I didn't communicate with the gang very much this weekend. I think they were giving me my distance for time out. I suspect I might have had a fascinating communication with my maternal grandmother. The one who was our mother. I was half asleep and I think she either came to me in her wheel chair for a visit, or she was telling me she was going to try to appear sometime at the foot of the bed for my spouse to see, so then it could be askd me about... I am not sure.... I am not trusting myself. I was totally distracted by the dog and family. And when I tried to reconnect, or return to the visual of the vision or half dream, sleep took me. Then the rest of the weekend, and today, it was still very clear, and I know it was more than a dream, but I can't seem to re-clasp it. When I try to communicate all I get are those clairsentient "impression-flashes", with visuals of her smiling and saying she will try to help if she can, but I have to figure the rest of it out on my own. Although what "it" is; is, escaping me at the moment. M. doesn't recall any dreams from the weekend so I know it was for me.

Oh, on a side note. I have to say, I've experienced ALL of the family deceased family dogs visiting us since we got the new dog! All in clairvoyant vision, and Once, I objectively heard a second dog jump off the bed and run down the hall! My spouse told me they had a vivid dream of one of them jumping on the bed to meet our new dog!

I also had an interesting guide interaction, in which the guide asked me not to tell the charge about past life experiences because it would interfere with their current need to experience certain emotional experiences/lessons. That they would either uncover the truth on their own in their own time, or during the life review. So bizarre... I was almost shouted at so that it would be clear to respect the souls wishes.

I think that's all.. I am sure there must have been more... Erik and I are always mentally horsing around.. with some goofy visual or commentary.... When I say nothing happened with the gang, I am not including the mundane interaction. I mean no big experience happened per say. I really find it impossible to totally turn off my connections. Ignoring it can be quite the effort. Sometimes more effort than it's worth.

June 10, 2011

I took yesterday off from work due to exhaustion. I am afraid I did something Robert and I have both done in the past yet again. That being allowing ourselves to get over worked and overwhelmed with Spiritual work without striving for balance, grounding and setting out limits. But I am doing well. I slept, recharged my batteries, worked in the garden, and found answers to the problems presented to me.

One of those problems involved an interesting discovery. A colleague of mine and I had both attempted to channel someone who had killed themselves. We each got wildly different results. Normally I would not share this, but I feel that the experience would help other developing mediums. So I'll write about it without the names given. --at some point today..hmmm.

I'll try to elaborate more later, but in a nut shell the reason the two readings were so different was that the other medium was unaware they were psychic and was practicing automatic trance writing alone. Her brain was reaching out unbeknownst to her and pulling in bits and pieces from the spirits life review and her mind was filling in the rest. And the Spirit writing through her didn't know what to do with the ensuing jumble of information. So then since the medium did not have developed clairvoyance or clairaudience with their guide or otherwise, they did not have anything to double check the writing against. To avoid this, they will need to develop conscious clairaudience or clairvoyance or start working in a mediumship development circle. Also the medium was making assumptions about the sitter. In my opinion one should not ever do that. One should only be a vessel and report on what one sees or hears through clairvoyance or clairaudience.

June 08, 2011

The heat this week has been quite extreme. I about did myself in yesterday. So I was very glad to come inside late afternoon from an evening of working in my garden and just relax with a nice long phone conversation with a soul sister of mine and Erik and our Reiki guide.... Sounds weird I know.. But it's one of the joys of phone calls between sensitives is that they turn into party lines so to speak... It was nice to get some feed back on some stressful emotional issues. I'll share the result of those topics in the near future. I have to finish channeling the information..

I was going to do a couple of Reiki attuenments this week, but I had a cancellation. Which as it turned out I am happy about. As I will be out of town this weekend visiting family, the extra time gives me an opportunity to connect one on one with my guides outside of develpment or other happenings.

On a side note, I was reading the news this morning and ran across a disturbing article. And I wrote an opinion on it.

*********************************

Q: How can people get into so much trouble when reacting to so call pshycic tips....

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20110608/ts_alt_afp/uscrimechildren

A:---What many people including those who are extremely spiritually sensitive do not realize is that Spiritual signals and input come in an large number of ways including various combinations, both from our own Spiritual prowess and from other Spirits. What happens a lot of the time is that aside from other peoples reactions to the one experiencing the so called psychic experience is that the sensitive is not fully aware of all the possible subtitles that are converging on their perception. To the person experiencing the Spiritual event very often several things are happening at once, and each of those manifestations have different degrees of clarity, within the experiencers understanding and experience. Here is a hypothetical example:

I might have a vision. This is clairvoyance. Along with that vision might come clairaudience, Spirit words or messages. And along with that might come Clair-sentience, where my own spirit picks up on some information, and I might experience some empathic manifestation where I feel some deep emotion and feel something externally. Within this overall experience one aspect or more may have been influenced by a Spirit which will be greatly dependent on their skill level, and vibration. And how the sensitive interprets all this will have huge variance. Which brings it all back to the observer, both internally and externally, "what does it mean to you" What is the message?

Now how might such a vision appear to the inexperienced sensitive?

(Example): " I see a vision of a wooden house. I see these house numbers. I see this color. I see these trees.." (all of which might be correct) I also see bodies and limbs and dead children and I feel great sadness and I get goosebumps all over.... and I hear the words help....

Now... Here is where many sensitives get crossed wires. The second part of this message if real... is more than likely influence from lower vibrational spirit. Not bad Spirit necessarily, but Spirit not experienced enough to translate proper information. And is more than likely a symbolic representation of the Spirits feelings turned into images within the sensitives mind. And may or may not have anything to do with the vision.

This is neither good nor bad. It just is. What gets people into trouble is when the sensitive allows themselves to become alarmed as assuming their experience is necessarily literal and then cries wolf.

I think a better approach to such matters is to reconnect with guides and angels over time, and dig deeper into the matter, and seek the help of others in the so called spiritual communication industry for feedback and help. There are many times I communicate with my colleagues who are sensitive to try and confirm or refute an experience. I feel it is important to let the sitter know that we should be careful when interpreting any of this. Personally, I have found that higher Spirit is often reluctant to pass along such divination messages for this reason as well as the possible unseen consequences. Most of the time higher Spirit prefers to work one on one with individuals in emotional and spiritual development so that they may work through the incarnate to raise others up.

Just my 2 cents.

June 06, 2011

I had a very good weekend. I was able to pass along channeled messages to 5 different people. I am currently reading this book

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003M5I4FI/ref=kinw_myk_ro_title

Your Soul's Plan: Discovering the Real Meaning of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born

Robert Schwartz

I find it amazing and facinating.

It is good to remember that insight into future life from the soul's point of view is but a snapshot of posibilites most likely to occur at that moment. Moment to moment is subject to the cause and effect of the personalities decisions and interactions with others. All those in Spirit are not privy to such complete knowledge. The move experienced, and evolved the Spirit, the more it can see through the myriad of possibliites. Sometimes, what seems a certainty is but a plan of desired probabilities.There are many paths to a destination, some routes are chosen on a whim, some are chosen at the last moment, and some are chosen for us with permission. In the end, what will be will be, what has been has been before, and what is will be yet again. This seems to say that life repeats itself, it does but not for the individual, it's purpose changes using the same tools.

June 04, 2011

Today I am grateful for shared love.

I thought to myself,

'What about today can I hold onto like it's the end of the world.... I am not sure, but I am grateful that I was loved.'

It made me think of time in recent past, and I wondered;

'Where am I in the falling dust of this wide earth, spinning around, blurry eyes and choking dirt, I tried to right myself under the noon day sun. I looked to the sky and my heart cried out in anguished pain. Help me! I collapsed in despair of lonely self judgement. Clouds moved over and gentle wind caressed my tear stained cheek. Shadow fell and I felt a moment of stillness. Inner contemplation moved me to sigh'.... In that moment I heard a voice in 'vision' that said,

"Who you are is now, and it is beautiful. This pain is the mirror of that part of your soul in reflection. It is the image of Love trying to find itself. Look up and out. Feel this feeling inside you and look out... Do you see those people.. can you imagine all the people in the whole wold? All have this moment, all at some point will have your present moment. To find the love of self, the self through love, within and without will redefine each and every soul that goes through it. You are not alone. The path you are on is shared, your suffering can ease pain. Go now and tell them about it. Everyone needs to know they are not alone."

June 03, 2011

I believe All things come from The Source of All Creation. All is born of these Manifestations. All. If it were not so, would it exist. This source is the origin of Beauty. Therefore can beauty be found in All things. No matter how dark, no matter how cruel, no matter how ugly and barren, All things have within-the possibility to manifest an aspect of this original beauty. This is true salvation and redemption. This is done through experiences and understanding within love. The beauty of love grows with attention and focus. Where will our focus be on the darkness of the Universe? How will we turn our thoughts on such matters. I wonder just how much a force of love is the wellspring of Creation in allowing us to explore this. Just how alive is it in us? How much of a force are we for this love? If I focus on it enough what will be the response?

June 02, 2011

Today's Musing:

Perceiving others within and without our experiences

We come into this life family of some sort. We are surrounded by people. We are born into communities, societies and many would say surrounded by love, both seen and unseen. It has been said by some, that this happens for a purpose, a reason.

If you believe this concept, there are generally two camps or schools of thought. Those that believe this purpose comes from A Deity; And within this purpose are plans. Within these plans you perceive and experience life with varying degrees of free will and Spiritual Awareness of your self within God. Then there is the camp that believes this purpose comes from, ourselves. That we in conjunction with Spiritual help, choose our lives, associations, and goals within life plans. Then within varying degrees of Spiritual Awareness, we live life.

Personally I belong to the second camp, or school of thought. I believe that the perception of dualities are used as tools in conjunction with varied levels of self awareness to engage in cause and effect. The emotional, mental, and intellectual experiences we take from our lives will allow us to come to an understanding of "who we are" and through us all of Heaven explores the concepts of "who am I'. This is an original creative process that leads back to the Source of all Creation.

But this is neither here nor there other than knowing this is a shared experience. We are never alone. We are part of a whole and the whole is part of and within each of us. And how much of what we perceive varies radically depending on our life goals and their interactions with other people's life goals. Whether we are aware of this or not dictates how much of our experience is shared with others, how much is influenced by others, and how much our experience influences the world around us.

Many times in my own life I've become stuck on how I perceive others within my life and outside of my experiences. I find myself obsessing and focusing too hard on how I interpret others opinions of me and my experiences. I have a fear of others reactions to my self precieved image. Again as I mentioned before, I fear a loss of self. And, that image and perspective is woefully incomplete.

I fear a judgement of this incomplete image. But on further exploration of this feeling I see that, I really have nothing to fear, because I can not loose what I do not yet understand. The self. My perception of self is not yet fully developed.

That is what I am exploring, seeking with all my might to discover. TO know myself. I fear an interruption of this process, but it is pointless because this process to know and discover myself is Divine. It can not be interrupted or taken away. It is eternal. And can it ever be fully discovered? Is there a limit to self discovery? Is there a limit to who we might become, or be? Do you want there to be a limit to who you are and how you experience and to what you might experience? What limits will I set on myself. I guess I fear at times, to find out. I fear the perception of others setting limits for me. I fear others telling me what their limits are for fear that those might be applied to my life.

NO, never fear the journey of the self. There are NO limits other than that which you set for yourself. The only limit is the cause and effect within the karma that you create for yourself. What are my choices WITHIN my state of being, how can I change my state of being. To me, It is all a choice one way or another. How you react, how much work you undertake to understand yourself through experience. Now; you don't have to experience, you can just BE and then you ARE.. But you won't really understand who you are within ALL that might possibly BE.

Now, this is all moot if you don't believe or accept that before birth you do decide, plan, or choose your life. For those that do not... I have no words.. I only have words on my own perception of my experiences. For me; Life is not about the experience. Life is about the "Emotional and Intellectual understanding I take with me through my experience. That aspect of the experience that helps define Who I am, right now in the moment, knowing that I am an Eternal being seeking to understand All that is.

ps. all this is still a struggle.. I am not sure our struggles ever totally leave or get better... only our understanding and ability to manage it grows. Our mastery of it increases...

June 02, 2011

Protecting Your Image.

One of my greatest struggles has been with how I precieve myself in life. Part of this involves how I see myself in the world. Not only in physical sense, but mentally, intellectually, emotionally, spiritually. Combined, this defines my image. And most of the time this is horribly incomplete. Who am I? And how do I know? It can all be a bit overwhelming and I fight the urge to clutch what I think I know and protect myself from what I don't know or think I might know. Most of the time I find myself returning to quiet moments of introspection where I realize I know nothing. In those moments all I know is the present moment. Then I wonder, what the hell am I protecting and what am I protecting myself from.... it must be something or I wouldn't have had such an emotional reaction to a particular experience or person.

Well it turns out there is no image and there is nothing to protect. There is only the feelings within the experience and the thought it generates. What I learn, discover, and take from any of this is what really makes up who I am. If I encounter something I don't like or feels uncomfortable I think perhaps I might need to look closer at it and figure out why and how it relates to me rather than make a value judgement about it before I finish the experience. I think these incomplete judgements within aborted experiences is the root cause of a lot of my discomfort with my image at any given time.

I wonder if just simply trusting that I am who I am, within who I want to be in any given experience; And as long as I keep saying, "Who am I". I'll be more open to guidance. Through which I'll move into greater manifestations of love. As I experience more of love, the more I'll like my current perception of my image.