April 2013
April, 2013
(4-4-2013-update entry)
I may have told you a portion of this story before.
When I was 10 years old or so, I went to a very insulated small private religious school. There was 3 grades to a classroom and 3-10 kids per grade. As a group we frequently took field trips to the local county public library. This was in California. The library was quite old and covered an entire city block in what was historically an old Spanish section of town. So a lot of the buildings that hadn't been destroyed by fire or earthquake had this mission/ stucco/ red roof style or feel to them. They smelled old, and they were surrounded by huge towering ancient oaks that stood watch over their own little central plaza. I loved the library. Loved story time. My mother also took me there quite frequently. I was unusually small for my age. I would wander the stacks of books which towered over me like deep mysterious canyons. What secrets did they hold? Where would the tomes lead me. It felt like I had the entire world at my finger tips. Everything I wanted to know and everything I wasn't supposed to know. I got lost in the hush of whispers, the feel of sliding wood drawers, and the clang of the circulation equipment. I remember people asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I didn't know, but I wanted to live here.
On one such field trip with my class, 3 other kids and I were searching for fiction to take back with us. It so happened that there was this one title that 3 of us kids reached for at the same time. I am not sure if it was popular at the time, or simply on top of a pile of current easy fiction, available to grab on our way out. But for some reason I really had to have this book. Apparently I wasn't the only one. I no longer clearly recall, but it seems that I started to throw a bit of a dramatic tantrum, and there was a slight tussle for the book. Two sets of hands in a tug-o-war for the cover.
Fortunately one of the girls in the group intervened. Standing between us, she told us not to fight, and that we should play a guessing game and whoever won, would get to take the book home. We both looked at her with amazed relief and agreed. She said that she was going to think of a number between one and a hundred and whoever could come closest, would win. Now what's interesting is that math, numbers and this sort of puzzel game was an anathema to me. I was very below average in these subjects, and the thought of numbers filled me with dread. I avoided them at all costs. For some reason that day, I eagerly agreed. Unsure why, I vividly recall the feeling of that moment. Time froze as I stared up at her, and nervous anticipation took me in the gut and my palms shook. My class mate said his number, and as several others watched, without thinking I loudly blurted out "30!". Embarrassed at my outburst in a library, I quickly hung my head and muttered, "3's are my lucky numbers". Lucky numbers?!? What on earth... there is no such thing.....It felt like this girl held my fate in her hands, and I hung in space waiting for her judgement.
Turns out, I won! I don't recall, how far away I was from the winning number, but I giggled and hopped with glee as she placed the book in my hands. The book was a short child's paperback book. It was about a boy who took a fishing trip with is father to the north woods. While there, it so happened they got a stow-a-way. An ugly black duck, that had lost his family. Undiscovered by the boy until he returned home to the big city. Eventually they took the duckling to the city park and pond, where he could grow up with the myriad of animals in the park. The ugly duck looked nothing like the other park/pond ducks, and was picked on. He couldn't make quacks, he was ungainly, big and lumpy, and had freakish feet and feather. Thinking that he was broken, he thought his problem was that he couldn't talk. The duckling befriended the boy who had found him as he visited the park. Improbably, the boy gave him a little horn that was then tied around his neck. And a little chalk board to learn to write. Using the two, the ugly duck learned to communicate not only with people, but could make music that no duck could make. He became an over night wonder and sensation. But he was still terribly lonely. No one, no animal, no thing was like him, and he felt all alone in the world. He still saw himself as the ugly awkward black duckling. So after a adventures and storied plot, one day the ugly duck heard a horrid honking and screeching and a great splash in the pond. All the pond ducks took off, scrambling for cover, only to peep out in shocked amazement and entranced wonder. Coming out of his bushy resting place, there in the middle of the pond was a huge, radiant, graceful female bird in white feathered glory. Having never seen anything so beautiful, it was like coming upon an Angel. Swimming out to this mysterious creature, he asked her in shock, what she was.
Turns out, The new beauty, was a magnificent Canadian Trumpeter Swan. Having never come across another like him, he had never seen his true reflection. All this time, he had only thought of the little black-feathered ugly duck as being who he was. That ugly duck that the other pond birds said he surely must be. It took him learning to write, learning to express himself, and making his own special music to feel any love for himself. But looking at this new reflection mirrored back to him, he suddenly saw himself for the first time. In that light, he discovered that he wasn't alone in the world, and that what was once thought of as ugly was actually magnificent and beautiful.
All my life, that remained my favorite childhood story, although to be honest with you, I never really thought about why. I never really talked to anyone about it. I ended up buying my own copy. It just held a treasured spot in my book case. And as I grew into a teen, and ended up fleeing home due to painful experiences, it was the one childhood book I took with me. Though I didn't think about why. It was just this 'feel good' memory. It was how I got my lucky numbers. 3's.
Last night as I lay in bed, I was contemplating my lucky numbers. And how sets of 3's appear quite frequently in my spiritual life.
30 was the age my mediumship started up again, the age the paranormal came visiting again. 2003. 30 was the age I replaced that old ratty book with a new edition. I moved to the north woods. I too had felt like I'd lost my family and was alone in the world. I too moved to the big city, learned to write and express myself. Then there was 3 spirit guides, 3 spirit masters, 3 friends, 3 spirits, 3 teenagers, 3 E's, 3 suicides, 3 years, and on and on and on. And I couldn't help but wonder at the meaning of 3's in my life. And I suddenly started reliving this childhood experience. With feeling and sudden clarity, I had this thought.
We come into this life with and are given everything we need to fulfill our life purpose. Only as a child, we are unaware of it. And as adults, we have forgotten.
But, if we can reject what is outside of us, that we are not what others say we are, and look inside and learn to express ourselves and play our own special music, we will see, feel and be the love and beauty we actually are. We all have a Swan song inside of us, it is the great hope that we will someday see our true reflections, in whatever water we swim in.
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Q & A cont...(w/ Jason)
Q)
A channeling Erik blog reader posted a question about a line Elisa wrote in her session transcripts the other day. It brought to mind, that it's a rather common question. It went something along the lines of:
From reader to Elisa:
"I don't understand when you mentioned that Erik hangs out with your family all the time. You said, 'Erik hangs out here all the time. He eventually learned how to split his soul so he could be in more than one place at a time: helping a blog member, playing with Arleen, hanging out on an afterlife beach.' I don't get it, How can a dis-incarnate soul be in multiple places at once all the time.. I thought they always had to go back home even if they had learned to split themselves."
A)
Personally I thought it was really good example of the common types of questions people have when they start exploring the nature of a greater soul consciousness, It's various energy forms, and how that all might work across dimensions. I certainly don't have the answers or any way one could objectively sort this out. The way I understand such things is that it's vital to totally discard the concept of place, time, and form when it comes to the soul, and it's consciousness. It's more a matter of a consciousness field having the ability to rove it's point of view. Or a focus. One really needs to be questioning the nature of soul consciousness both in and out of body, and the origin point of the soul, and it's interaction between various states of being. Also it's helpful to look at how one defines the concept of heaven, the afterlife, and the process of incarnation. So you see, I could give you a simple answer, but it would be a bit misleading without discussing the bigger picture and the greater context.
I like to think of the soul as individual focuses or conscious units that make up the Source of "All that is", as not pieces of a unit or parts of the whole, but as perceptions or facets. In our souls these facets or focus's come in the form of personalities we have built into or created when incarnating. It doesn't matter when, where, or what form. They are not separate little hunks of us split off, but rather reflections of the totality of our true self, or greater consciousness field. Our souls.
Outside of a body or physical form, these facets do not die, disappear but remain like the plane of a crystal. Put into the light, that light is projected or expressed in a unique way on a surface of your choosing. So too is the general nature of the possible afterlife or life between life's focus's. Your consciousness on what would seem to be "the other side", is not limited to space time place, dimension, or state of being, but by the awareness of your own source light and connection to all that is. It's your experience that lets your consciousness expand enough to present multiple facets of your soul in new ways, expanded ways, or multiple light points on multiple surfaces. Think of the light from the sun, how it's a matter of expansion and contraction of energy rather than destination point. It's light shines everywhere, and reaches far, all at the same time. So the sun would seem to light at each location, but in reality, it's just projected energy/ light. it's source point simply roves the stars.
It's not like taking an orange and splitting it into segments and saying, bobby gets a slice, Suzie gets a slice, and mom gets an incomplete piece of fruit. There is no fruit bowel, or anything like that, that a soul has to go to or come from. Ditch the fruit, and think light. So a soul doesn't really split. That's sort of a word that implies lack or separation. Instead think of a soul projecting light from it's consciousness by focusing a facet of itself. Multiple facets of a crystal do not diminish it's ability to channel light. But rather it's that consciousness who turns itself in the light, as the light. Ones ability, or the souls experience determines it's state of being, which is not really a place dimensionally, but really an expansion of that focused Source point/ facet into all that is....
It's a bit convoluted I know, but what I am getting at in a short short answer is that the phrase "back home" is a bit misleading at times. As it implies space time limits on a human centric perspective. And the question of 'multiple places at the same time' implies physicality limitations to energy and light fields or consciousness fields, which don't work the way our perceived system of reality works while incarnate. So yes, it is quite normal for a soul to be interacting with all it's lives, past present and future, as well as living out multiple experiences in between lives and other realities as well as being in complete unified harmony with it's soul/ source point within and with all that is. Yes, heaven can be a place. It can even be a place one "has" to be, go to, or stay. And you can be limited in scope experience, and interaction with the incarnate. But it totally depends....It depends on the focus of the light, focus of the facet, focus of the observer. I like to think about it as a "process of focusing". Learning to focus, gaining experience of it and so on.
To be honest, personally, I never think about this. I don't really care how my soul operates. When I am in the think of life, If I want attention and affection from a dis-incarnate, I simply request it regardless of what they are doing and where they are at. I figure between guides, my GA and loved ones, that it's up to them to work all that out, and help me get through life. Better not to worry about it, and just be full in life.
***
Sometimes, the monsters in the closet are just old friends waiting to be discovered.
***
Suffering passes into eased time,
yet life's pleasures,
color,
hungry smile kissed memories
remain.
Don't wait for fate,
nor destiny's absolution.
Grab yourself
and make what's yours
live once again.
***
"You come seeking answers. Hoping for salvation in the telling or absolution in revelation. Yet is the questions we seek that point our direction. They define our destination, not as we approach the journey's end, but the sate of our mind as we start out. Be it in the dark of night, or the dawn of day, better to be open to the cause of every answer than be closed with the answer to every quest. You wonder then how and what to ask. Look to nature for suggestion. How does the flower blossom? Why does it unfold it's petals in the light? To create more of itself, it blooms. Seek questions of your own blooming and you will discover yourself in new light." -- Spirit
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One of the biggest experiences of recent years was figuring out that I needed to find comfort, not with what I should be doing or thinking, nor with what others felt I should do or think, nor with my perception of what that was or might be; but it was finding comfort with what I did think, feel, and want to do; that fulfilled an inner passion and joy that felt like me. That I am not defined by worrying about deed or thought, but by the deed or thought I saw myself in.
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"You spend so much time worrying about how you should be feeling and what you don't want to feel,
you forget to feel yourself, right now. Keep your eyes on what brings you joy." -- Spirit
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Don't ask for truth, create your personal truth.
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I was commenting to someone on the phone the other day, well, ok. I was complaining.... with the question, "Why is it everyone I feel the most spiritually and emotionally close to; why is it that they all live thousands of miles away or are dead?" And then I sort of turned inwards and thought and then said, "I guess it's because I needed to learn to feel emotionally and spiritually close with myself before I can do that with others."
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I've often found it so interesting how when it comes to spirit communication, received dates and times regardless of context can often be seemingly in error, misunderstood, confusing or blatantly inconsistent in form. I've come across examples of such in books on Spiritualism, transcripts of mediumship, and in my own communications. As I've come to understand it, such matters are not really about my point of view at all. But rather it greatly depends on the point of view of the spirit. It really doesn't matter if that spirit is currently incarnate, nor does it matter the state of that body. Apparently it depends on the point of view of the facet of consciousness that soul is currently projecting. For example, the experiences of the personality in "soul/energy form", that multilayer consciousness; can be quite active and independent of body in infancy, senility, incapacitated old age, trauma to coma, to sleep states. So when a sitter or medium asks for a date, time, or specific proof of some event, or some validation... it is often helpful to keep in mind that the response of the dis-incarnate might just come from the point of view of that focus's consciousness having been out of body. Here is another example. Many times, in advanced old age a body will be incapacitated, but not yet dead for quite some time. But, should the medium ask the soul, when that personality died. The response may be, 'I joined spirit well before my actual death'...although it may come across in such a way, to leave such ambiguity and confusion, so that the sitter doubts the answer as fraud, or mis information. --Just some thoughts.
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Q & A cont....(with Jason)
Q)--from a blog reader
Ever have one of those days where there's something playing out in the back of your mind but it's so faint you can't quite put your finger on it? Almost like... something is happening to you in another life that's parallel to this one and your vaguely aware of it? I must have lef the psychic switch in the on position. I was also cleaning this morning... in auto pilot, mentally speaking, and after about 15 minutes I realized I was mumbling a two way conversation between two people (with British accents) - a very serious conversation at that - and I have no frackin clue what I was saying or what it was about.
A)--J
Yeah. Is what I call a bleed over. Happens a lot depending on what state of consciousness I am in. You know ... how deep into lala land Iv'e gone.
Sometimes, especially when i am emotionally distressed it can make me feel darn right crazy.
It differs than a schizoid incident in that it's not word salad, or emotionally directed in a negative way at the conscious self. If it ever does feel directed at the self, it's almost always generated via the soul self bringing up emotional experiences for further examination. Bringing stuff up to be healed. A lot of times, people cant disassociate enough to examine the emotions as an observer. Instead they internalize it and let it ride them. That's when they get into trouble. Through the self identification of thoughts. Now, I know this isn't you of course, I am just saying, in general. People have a tendency to self associate with thoughts. When thoughts are actually more like things out in the environment or like radio signals. People don't own thoughts, nor do they define us. We can generate them and receive them, and examine them.
Now this is not the best analogy as it's not a direct one to one match. But I like to think of an incarnation, "US" as a facet...or... Like a 'CB' shortwave radio. Our brain's are like the face/plate, or the dial of a communication device or radio. Our consciousness, which is not body bound; it's the receiver, or tuner... Our souls... the power supply.
Most people on earth have the capacity to tune into a specific channel, or pick up signals. But most of the time, they are just casually tuning into easy listening...so to speak....Now... Sensitives like us, we have sneaked a peek at the 'HAM radio manual', for whatever reason (usually prelife planned). Some skip chapters, some only look at the index or table of contents, and some just have it out on the desk. But in any case,... it's as if we are on continuous scan mode. Both consciously and unconsciously at different paces and places, scan the frequencies. Most of the time, especially when alert and awake, we either are switched to a short number of radio stations, and call signals. Other times, especially in any altered state of consciousness we can pick up other signals and are aware of it. Sometimes this is like static, or squelching. Other times it's like suddenly hitting the am sports channel when you wished you had picked up country western. But other times, you just pick up that random conversation from Malaysia, or some other reality. Be it, the dis-incarnate, other dimensions, or other self- experiences. It could be past, future, or alternate selves. It not really easy to say anything is ever black or white or for sure 'one thing'. Now this is the thing with consciousness. You can focus it on a specific channel, but it's a receiver and amplifier for the power the soul gives it. If your not paying attention, you can pump a lot of power into it....aka channeling......It's kinda like the seti program... you can pay attention and get one signal... or you can let it auto scan and not take notice, but you can hear it pinging in the background. You think your not picking up anything and your not paying attention... But then if you get distracted (aka-any altered state) (including mild mundane distractions),... It's easy for it to turn into half heard, half understood "chatter"... Which, goes away as soon as you turn the channel or refocus... consciously or un....
The trick... which most people are not willing to accept... is that thoughts are things.. they are not us. They are a product. Something to use. To project, To examine, or receive or ignore. Most people identify with any thought as 'who they are', or something that IS them. So the idea, that they are always receiving and projecting is impossible, as they think any thought they perceive not only is 'about them', but 'from them', and IS them. That's when they think they are making stuff up. Just their imagination.
So yeah... It happens. It's normal, I think.
I'll tell you what...Random thoughts along this line.... from one medium to another. Substance abuse combined with intense emotion makes the "random scanning" worse. It's very much like walking to a radio and spinning the dial so the tunner zips through all the stations. Kinda like a teenager using a Ouija board.. ha ha... and asking if anyone is out there... I know that's not at all anything to do with your original statement or question... I am just babbling on a related topic, that I've personally experienced a few times.. lol....
Another problem I run into is what I call the "mental leap of association" you'll pick up on something clairvoyently and your unfocused brain tries to plug the data back into your energy or your consciousness and it will use symbology, or it will try to find a match from your memory back or like association. So psychologically it will jump from one emotional experience to another along chains of association, until before you know it.... you try to re-tune or refocus, and you forgot the original signal or where it came for... and your left thinking..."WTF, where did that come from!".... Leaps of association....
Anyways, yeah.. experiences like that can happen when we pick up on these signals too. We start to trace the signal.....
I often find it doesn't really make sense to do that unless you can tune back into the original channel..... or work out what was going on emotionally when the experience happened. Frequently that's impossible, cause you've already skipped past the channel. But there are times, when you can put yourself back into the zone, or that altered state, and re-pick up the signal. Really it's all about self examination and the hard work of sticking to it to sort out all those background emotions and match them with memory.
As w/ drink or drugs same w/ emotion and obsession. Same with strong beliefs, or desire, or wants. You literally tie yourself down. And when you complain that you can't get up or change view; its of our own doing.
Now some people may then say....'well, if we don't own thoughts and we are not defined by our thoughts; what's to stop someone from being a total angry asshole?'
The answer to that is free will choice. We have a choice to not accept those thoughts and feelings as being 'who we are'. Instead of reacting, using the momentum of those thoughts and feelings. You have the choice to honestly look at them, and instead of reacting. Choose how to act or be. You can redirect that energy, change it, or release it. To release a something you need to be able to feel it. That doesn't mean it's going to be pleasant or that you can avoid it, but you can lessen it's impact and not have it tie you down. That will give you freedom to make choices more inline with how you DO see yourself.
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One of the personal traps I've gone through in my own life, has been that I've spent so much time looking for answers, new questions, seeking the spiritual, or something that's going to change life or make me feel better, that I forget to live. -- Really live life as myself, and for who I wanted to be. --- Life was made for living. I tell myself.... I am not "trying" to live the life I want. -- I am living the life I want. Every day....... and should I find that I am not... realize, acknowledge, accept and give myself permission to change.
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To master anything takes experience of it.
To release what you fear requires not that you necessarily experience a thing,
but that you face the fear and master yourself.
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Early this past March, I posted this Q & A with Erik m. on my blog for March's entry. And I had a good friend of mine and CE reader reply:
She was telling me with great humor about how someone she knew, that she had tried to share Erik with thought Erik must be a lower evolved or low level entity because of the way he cusses and talks. She indicated that he (her friend) supposedly was used to communicating with and reading about Ascended masters, Angels, and speakers of great dignity.
I laughed, and thought to my self... "Oh gosh,... I would so hate to have a spiritual teacher who couldn't relate to the masses, the down trodden, the common man, and the average teen. My own spiritual heroes got down and dirty with all of life's incarnations. Whores, Thieves, the Sick, the unclean, the unwashed. They knew all about life's baser emotions and could not only relate and feel what that was like, but from that experience could offer a well of compassion and perspective to get their higher message across in a way that made sense and that I could relate to.
I always like to tell people, it's not the song, nor the sound that matters, but it's the heart of the message that matters. Compare that to your own heart song and truth will speak to you. The rest is frosting on the cake.... Eat up! *[(as a note aside, an update if you will; Apparently her friend has started coming around to see Erik in another light of late. (grin)] -- It reminds me to remind people, 'never judge a message nor an experience by it's seeming appearance, take the weight of ongoing experience and if you can see any part of yourself it, Your reality may just change.
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(~joke)
Sometimes I feel like, "I imagine when I die, that there will be no welcome home party. Instead, there will be some big dude or chick that's just going to bitch slap me upside the head, shake their head and then huff off and expect me to follow them....."
***
In all I lacked,
the perfection of enough
never came so close
as the abundance I felt
when you were near.
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Did you ever look into boughs of tree
And ponder what it meant
A squirrel to be?
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A vision like a decision
To split the hares
Of fears and tears
And leave all your cares
Asunder.
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Q & A cont... (with Jason)
Q)--From reader
What is the dividing line between mental illness, belief, even religion?
A)--J
The approach to any question is but a trick of perception. Know your labels. Know why you are asking. And explore what you know vs/ what you understand. How does any of it define not only your reality, but your view of self? Once you have "felt" an approach that feels like "You", then... Only then, will your questions really say something about your experience. That said, your question here begs the understanding of your perception of certain terms. Mental Illness. Belief. Religion. What do these mean to you, your society, and through what lens are you asking about each. They are not mutually exclusive in origin, nor destination.
The point I am trying to make here, is that even in science and it's hypothesis, each of these rely on experience. You work through experience again and again. It's outcome is measured, by objective observation. It's analysis, interpretation, and understanding depends on the weight of subjective extrapolation compared with the filter of perception. To assume a unified definition of each term in relation to each other would be a mistake.
Taken together, a general dividing line would be how each through experience defines your objective reality. What does it all mean to you. A good rule of thumb in my personal opinion would be thus: 1) What of your view of each through your experience impacts your day to day life, functioning, thoughts, and emotions? 2) Do you find yourself moving in balance of action vs/ questions? 3) How do you feel? Are you filled with worry, or curiosity? Do you explore and create or do you fear and hide? Does your life have rules, limits, and qualifiers or are you open, flexible, and welcome to change? How do you feel about yourself when you view each term in regards to your perception of right or wrong? How do you feel when you consider what others may think, not just about this, but their view of your view? Are you reacting, or acting?
A better approach would be imagining moving circles of perception.
We as humans are never just one thing and we are always in motion. (insert virtues, vs vice) Chaos, vs harmony. Comfort vs discomfort. association vs disassociation
***
Straddling the fence over daisy's
like a blanket covered horse,
I looked down it's line,
drawn to memories of home.
Filled not with storied timbers
nor framed earthen clouds,
but by thoughts filled only with you.
***
And I walked
to where the the hills
met with the sky.
There among the poppies and lupine's,
I waited for you.
Though you had not yet come,
I was content
knowing your heart song
passed this way.
I could smell it's song
among the flowers.
***
The best heroes are the ones who find the courage to do what's right by their heart.
Not by what they secretly fear, but what they know to be their personal truth.
Speak what's in your heart and live by your words.
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Your light shines
like the night stars
in who's cast shadow
I see my soul.
Your glimmer belies
the light out of sight
struck not with heavens fire,
but sparks my dreams,
visions of night sky.
***
'me', Myself, I, and the collective WE
The journey of consciousness and "our" awareness--
The Mind. It resides not in a fleshy pulp of fiber, carbon, water, neurons and blood. It is not held in check by body and bone. It floats. Permeable, and absorbent, it self replicates, duplicates, and creates itself in an eternal cycle. It is what we call Consciousness. It see's, feel's, expresses from many points of view that are endless and innumerable depending on a whim, experience, and perspective. Which is forever in motion via perception of awareness. Self awareness and point of view, and observation point.
Everyone's consciousness undergoes journies. One such possibility, is that of the incarnate life into a physical world of this particular universe. Normally, in such an experience a portion of that consciousness or soul is manifested through a co-created life form. Some call this a gift. Some call it divine. But really it depends on your point of view, as mentioned above. That body, that brain acts as a filter, or a tight focus. This narrow point of view, is typically inherently driven by the life form within it's environment. Within such context along with others of like nature, social structures and experience generate pockets of feelings based on reactions through a personality. These in turn form beliefs which further constrict or expand the filters surrounding the portion of consciousness.
These singular experiences drive a singular unique perception. The process of understanding this, expands self awareness which then opens up the view to more perspective. This opening is an awakening of a sort. A blossoming into a greater light of the soul. Suddenly the point of view shifts and the Incarnate realizes that there is more to the concept of "me", than they understood before. This new sense is embraced in an identity of individualistic ownership. There is me, and that which is myself.
As belief and experience open up the view of the nature of self and it's place in it's environment expand. It recognizes that it is unique, but shares commonalities with others like itself. It looks out and say's, "I see you, but I am unique".
Over many perceived years, or experiences, the "I" of what the self comes to understand that may be more that just this life. It may come to understand and belief that how it understands itself may survives death. And so it goes on a great journey to discover what that means. What's real, what's dream. What's subjective, and what's objective. All within the filters of that body, those beliefs, those feelings and within the sense of their origin begin to recognize The greater self.
It is within this new sense, that sensations of multiplicity of being come. As this awareness expands, the I realizes with greater clarity that the self sense exists not in a singular space or time, but is reflected across a range of simultaneous experiences that are in union, communion, harmony, and yet are as unique as itself. Taken together none are owned, but all are held. In this unified field, expression and creation are realized with others of it's awareness. As such, identity becomes a collective WE.
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Fascinating on line medium - spirit transcripts: check it out.
http://www.afterlife-knowledge.com/glossary.html
http://www.afterlife-knowledge.com/answers2.html#Is%20reincarnation%20imposed
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Email conversation:
A good buddy of mine and I were in the midst of an email conversation the other day. And I felt it was worth sharing as the topic is a common I hear all the time, and one I've personally gone through more than once.....
Email transcript: (Jason's comments in blue) (friend in plain text)
Ive read a few sites and stuff on paranormal and meditation info but nothing too deep. I started to feel like some things were too much too soon and more advanced than i need to deal with right now. Ive got to get my foundation and basics strong before doing some more in depth things.
Yeah.... I hear ya. To be honest, I find I have to have something that I enjoy, otherwise it just feels like other peoples shit. It's gotta interest me, and be kinda fun. I think that's why I often find myself spinning my wheels. I've always been into this stuff cause I felt like I was forced into it. Be it from the other side, my family, other people out in the world. I think I've been putting a lot of energy of late rejecting all that, and stewing in what I don' t like, as opposed to working on what I do like. I also think it's totally cool to not be interested in any of it. Ultimately I think it all boils down to what's going on in each of us, as opposed to some spirit shit, or other peoples shit. I am a firm believer that one can find enlightenment through running, gardening, or sitting on a mountain top, as opposed to prayer, or spirit shit, or some religion. I think as far as the spirit junk goes for me.... well..... I guess I am still not sure what if anything I am going to do about it..... I am not certain it will ever go away for me.., but I guess what I find myself asking is how does it affect my world view, how I see myself, and what if anything am I going to do about it.. Right now..... I am not sure. A lot of times, people are not very happy with the level of spirit communication they do get, or with how they think it should be. I think everyone's expectations should be looked at from time to time. Things rarely plop into peoples lives. Spirit shit included. I know back in the day for me, and for people like Jamie, and Elisa and who ever... This sort of thing doesn't just happen. It's a lifestyle. 24/7. Eat, breathe, sleep. You get what you put into it. Like.... I didn't just spend 30 min. a day with this stuff.... literally it totally and obsessively consumed me 24 hours a day almost. non stop. I even worked on it, to the exclusion of work, family, and friends. Get up in the morning, channel. All day at work, channel. At home channel. the weekends. channel. Or write.... So it's not really so much when is something going to happen like you want, but really getting to that comfort zone, and figuring out, what you want to do with what you have already. Or how to take that and expand on it, if it is something you want. I guess what I am trying to say is that this is not for everyone. And it's more important to just live life and be yourself and at peace with it all......
I think for me, all my experiences was simply a vehicle to explore myself through fear, spirituality and self love. I recorded that journey, and now I think I am ready to just move into whatever makes me happy... that sort of thing. Back to the basics.
I did have one odd thing yesterday (i don't think i mentioned it in my other email ) that happened. I was reading the last best of blog post on CE about Eriks death and there was a video that i was gonna watch embedded in it so since ive never watched any to hear his voice (bc it kinda freaks me out for some reason)
hey-ya.. I can relate.... I once thought it would be weird too. Until I listened to it, and was shocked it was the same voice I've heard before. It's kinda weird. He and I have a very similar sounding voice I think. On a related topic, I don't really care for reading the transcripts of other peoples communication with him. It kinda weirds me out. Not sure why. I think maybe everyones filters can be rather unique at times, and everyone has sentimentality over their own perception.
I started watching it and paused it to see something on tv. Well it hadnt got to him talking yet and all of a sudden it started back playing but was on him talking... So i bugged out as usual for several minutes then calmed down after reminding myself it's nothing to fear.
I've had that happen before as well. Usually happens to me on while I am on the internet or computer.
One thing ive wondered though is how is Erik able to communicate so easily with Jamie his mom and others? I don't think Ive ever seen anything close to the depth of conversation he gets into during sessions. Is it like that when he contacts you too?
I don't think it has anything to do with Erik or any other spirit. I think it's a matter of individual personal experience. There are lots of different types of mediums, and within that, lots of levels of experience....... all of which is subject to contextual filters and point of view. It's like I was stating above. It totally depends on what, how, and how much you put into it. For me, If I am going about my mundane day. I don't get much of anything other that physically sensing energy on my skin. Or perhaps visually noticing some weird little anomaly. If I am in the mood, (which is rare), but If I am in the mood, to get more, I have to put myself into a slightly altered state of consciousness. Now, this is a much much bigger discussion. Mind you...... it's not black or white or the same for everyone.
But basically you have several things going on at the same time.
A) what kind of medium skill set is innate to you
B) what are your filters like at the moment
C) What is your state of consciousness
You've heard the term, opening a door in the mind, yes? Well, I like to think Jamie's is more akin to a revolving door and is always spinning. Mine is more akin to a grocery store auto door, that you have to step on the foot panel to get it to open, but, then it shuts.
Another way of thinking about that is, it's about focus. Most people focus their consciousness through their eyes, right in front of them, and they plow through live as though they were their body. When I channel, it feels very similar to the feeling of physically switching my point of view from right in front of me, to day dream mode... back up inside of me, and off into la la land.... that place where one visualizes. And I don't feel like I am all there.....
I think people do this all the time, but don't realize it. Runners do it, artists do it, writers do it, readers do it, driving a vehicle or talking on the phone does it. multitasking. Prayer. There are many many levels and ways of putting yourself into some type of altered state of consciousness.
Only for self aware mediums types.... They treat that spot as just as valid and real and perceptually accepted point of view as any other.
So for me, when I feel that light faint buzz tingle on my skin, I just pause what I am doing, close my eyes or zone out into la la land, and picture some empty spot and treat that spot as real, and then interact with it. I think AT it, or if I am intending to communicate with someone specific, I think AT them, and then kind of mentally pause and step back and any thoughts that happen next, I treat as if it is from them.....
I don't know.... for me, there never was any doubt, or trepidation. I guess I've just always accepted this stuff and treated it as real. So, back in the day, when I went looking for explanations of my hauntings, I always operated on certain assumptions. So when I first thought about spirit guides and angels and thought... "is this real" and got back the thought, "of course it's real"... I never for a moment doubted that it was anything other than a spirit, or mind to soul thought-speech. Really it's all about perception and belief.... How does any mother know God hears her prayers or how does any preacher know God speaks to him... It's all about perception. Of course there is and can be tangible external and internal proof.... but that's all the weight of subjectivity adding up to objective perception....
Anyways..... It's only in those altered states that I get full running dialogue.... And it's not always consistent. And every spirit comes off a bit different.
Some work best with mental imagery, pictures in your head. Some with symbolism, and guessing games. Some with feelings, some with instant downloads, that you just suddenly know. Some with a word here and there. Some with full running conversation. But much of the time, it's a really mixed bag. Much of the time... being in those altered states.... also opens me up to intense emotions. From the spirit, from other people, and also brings up my own emotions. As well as furthering other mediumistic and psychic experiences... all of which if I don't stay on top of it all, can leave me feeling more than a little crazy. So much of the time, I don't even go there or open myself up like that to any one or thing other than one or two guides or Erik. And a lot of the time not even them. But like I said. Everyone is different. There really is a genetic, biologic, energetic, and experience based quotient to it all. It totally depends. It also totally depends on one's life plan, their GA, and guides.
In the end it's often enough just to know your not alone, and there's more out there, so then now, you can focus on getting to that comfort zone to be yourself.
Make sense?
***
I had a dream of heaven.
Not of gold nor light.
But the feel of glimmered love,
As i looked into your eye.
Not word, curve, nor shape of lips
once kissed in dream,
But the reflection felt back to me,
that's heaven enough just to be.
***
Email to a friend:
Random. You, me, and others have at times paused to offer wonder at what past deed, indulgence or even sin another life of ours may have done to warent whater experience or feeling we may ponder.
Just as in a human life, it is not improbable that such thoughts would not touch a spirit. For emotion is energy and it can not be destroyed. only changed, transmuted, reflected or absorbed. Attachments can drive this. They are not some ill chain of bondage except by the light we view them.
I think the view we might spuppose a spirit would view them is always a poor one sided view, if only by the very nature of our fleshy bodies narrow perspective.
It is far better to not worry over such things, but instead of fear, lament, or judging such views, such feelings...it is far better to offer them love for what they might add to us. Be that love or be that a new ability to let go of what pains us.
I think the human views of Karma is and always has been a mighty poor filter in which to veiw the opportunites we seek to experiece every aspect of who we know we are. That we might ask who we are now should never be a burden. Some here and some in spirit may or may not find attachment to weight and balance such experiences, but ultimately the creation of our expressions is so much more simple. We will never be bound by such attachments so long as we choose to express what is ourselves and let go of what is not.
Ive often wondered what horrible thing another self must have done to cause me pain now. But as I remember myself in the vast march of milinia to ages to epochs of this particular universe I am reminded by those wiser than me that these perceptions are not who we are. We are everything. We are the love the chaos the balance the very force of creation. I am you. you are me. we are everyone everywhere though we can not preantly view it. But we might be able to feel it and release that which pains us. I believe this is best done by expressing all forms of love. compassion. forgiveness. And that I have created many lives in which to express this, does not mean I seek to balance anything nor does it mean I am bound to another life. It means I have a passion to know myself and express who I am. I know we are love and I believe that each new experience, no matter when it was created is just another effort to express this. I believe each expression rather than gaining knowlege or bringing remembered enlightenedment, I belive each expression creates worlds of new possibility for our light to shine, which in turn reveals more to ask of ourselves.
Sometimes, for me its easy and even fun to get bogged down in my denser emotions. To nurse pain and suffering and cling to it. Its often real enough that for the moment holding it is very valid. But just as I have compassion for others worse off than me. I know I have to have compassion for myself and not hold it too tightly. This pain is not me. Nor should it be my past or future self. Nor do I think this of you.
I feel what pains us is because we are brave. We are love. We are compassiknate and we forgive. This pain is just a tool an experience in which we might answer who we are. we are never bound by it. Once we understand this I feel we then are released from so called karma. although even this acknolegement is given knowing I still see through a very narrow fleshy lens. But I have hope. I have faith. That we ever choose what is great in us. The love we have. For me. for you. for each other. and everyone else.
So though nightmares may haunt me I do not fear anymore. For its people like you, like Eric, like Earl that has helped me remember just a little bit of who I really am and what I can express now.
So be us whores, slaves, villians, insane or saints....in reality we are simply love. Thats all that matters. who am I now. Thats the only place the me of I can ever exist. The rest is an attachment I know is ok to let go of.
night night friend
***
Email conversation:
My friend and medium Nikki wrote to me the day about a dream one of her friends had. I was terribly fascinated by it as I have had experiences like this before and I felt compelled to give an opinion about it......
Email transcript:
Nikki's friend to her:
Hey, hope all is well there. Just had the craziest morning/dream and wanted to tell you about it before I forget (although I don't think I'll forget this one like normal).
Woke up and for some reason decided I'd lay down for a little bit longer and watch tv. Didn't intend on falling asleep but I did. Anyway, I've told you about my sleep paralyses dreams, right? It started after E died and it's like I'm awake, looking at my surroundings but I can't move or speak (grunts and stuff but not actually speaking). Anyway- I still have these dreams, in the beginning they were nightmares but somewhere along the way I guess I got used to them since I knew what they were and I've seen E standing around and stuff. Anyway, I probably have them once a month or so and usually the next morning feel tired (like I've been out partying all night or something...a small hangover type feeling). So- I'm "asleep" and have one of these "dreams" (they are really considered hallucinations but whatever) and someone is knocking at the door. But I can't move and I can't ask who is there. I am laying on my back in bed- I can see my hands over the covers and they are like a ghost-- translucent. But I can't move them to look at them or the rest of my body. Someone knocks at door again and then I hear my Grandma yelling my name I'm trying to say "come in, come in" but it's just coming out as grunts. Finally, they walk in. It's my Grandma and E and they look like ghosts too- see through, but up and walking and talking. They come over to the bed and start to pick me up. The whole time they are just saying, "stay calm, we love you". And then I wake up.
So- either I almost died this morning or they took me to party because I have a massive headache-- and I felt fine when I woke up at 6:30. It kind of shook me a little to be honest. I haven't had a dream like that before- like normally when I have those dreams I don't get too worked up b/c I know what they are and I know I'll wake up soon but this was different... I was a little panicked during it and they were trying to calm me down. Anyway, totally wild. Not sure what it means but I'm still alive so I guess that's a good sign.
Email transcript:
My response/ reaction to Nikki over the email she got:
It's just her brain remembering and mis interpreting her spirits return to the body. 20th century science says this is a hallucination because it assumes consciousness derives from the brain and physical body. Other traditions say that consciousness is tied multi-dimentionally to a permeable energy field that only uses the body. So when the brain can be triggered into perceiving an altered state, it tries to make sense of it. Sometimes it uses dream symbolism, sometimes associated visuals, and sometimes is interprets real perceptions with mis-identified explanations.
In the area immediately surrounding space time, is a dimension that replicates our physicality but based on, and created by our thoughts, memories, and perceptions. In many ways it's a mirror of our perceived reality, but permeable. So as we are obe, or in transition of an obe,... it would seem to be our homes, our world, work, etc., but not quite right, or more, or less.
Our soul/ energy or an aspect of our consciousness in conjunction with our body, puts the phsycial body in a freeze state as we leave and return to our body, so we wont hurt ourselves as we reengage or leave the brain, so to speak.... but in doing so... it can cause all sorts of wonky stuff. That doesn't mean that some of it isn't real, or that some of it isn't quite right. There's really no way at present to judge this.
How I see this, is that she was simply out with Eric and grandma, and they were using their energy to ease her back into the body after a night out and get her to remember it... so to speak..... Such things almost always take extra energy. Guides normally do that... ie... mine getting me to remember such experiences..... But if you doubt, or have beliefs in contrast with fully developed energy life... you're going to perceive this all wonky and weird.
My personal take on this experience is that is doesn't mean anything other than "they" her peeps", are simply giving her the opportunity to experience another facet of consciousness, energetic soul life, or other states of being.....other realities than the physical. It can be totally up to her, to view it as hallucination... or simply a subjective experience of another aspect of her self.
Personally, I choose to view such experiences as validation that I am not just a body, and that there is more to my soul than this physical experience. And there is more to Eric, grandma, and the rest than death. And that this life is just an illusion that I come back to. That the real life, or the real world is that other world, that someday, when I am done, I'll return to.
Her physical symptoms come from the massive amounts of energy to remember that altered state, BY putting or returning the body TO an altered state of consciousness and thus trigger the memory of the original or actual experience.
What i've always found fascinating is exploring the very nature of personal varied states of consciousness. Both from waking state, to Sleep state. Self induced, or triggered. It's that whole field that Robert Monroe and the rest put so much time into exploring. As well as others such as Jane Roberts, the author of my big toe, and and what not. There's an whole another world out there than just mediumship, or new agey stuff. There is quite serious research being done.
**Insert sleep paralysis info
***
Nikki Channels: (friend & spirit guide "M")
3/4/2013 -- Channeling transcript
Nikki: I knew you were going to be the one to come talk to me.
M: of course
Nikki: hello and hugs
M: Mental HUG. let's sit
Nikki: sure, ok, let's talk, better idea, you talk, I'll listen.
M: we can both talk but sure, I will start.
We want to thank you for all that you do. I don't think you have any idea how much you are contributing. You are a very hard worker and very committed to doing things in the best interest of the greater good. Honestly, you are very hard on yourself. There is no expectation of perfection. Actually you learn more if things do not come easily. It is the process of making choices that gives one the greater sense of accomplishment. If you only had to choose door, 1,2 or 3 and continually chose door 1 out of habit you would not be learning anything. The path you are on is one of many choices. None of them are wrong. Each one has its pros and cons. Sure some are a bit more direct but those may also be less intriguing. You seem to get frustrated with yourself if things do not go as expected. You are a perfectionist and for you this process is not an easy one. Just know that there is NO wrong there is no imperfection. The entire journey is perfect. Do you understand?
Nikki: I understand the concept, its just that at times, things feel very wrong or like I am taking a step backwards.
M: But no one said every step on the path had to be forward. You can veer to the left and right, stop and smell the flowers, backtrack a bit to look at something that you missed. You are on course, so take your time and enjoy. I do not see you being at risk for retreating and turning around. You are over that hump. You are very much committed to this journey.
Nikki: that makes so much sense to me. I think I still have issues with desire and want and expectation. Regarding the kids, regarding others behavior. I do have a hard time of letting go and trusting everything works out.
M: That is to be expected. But you do have a choice and you do not have to take on anyone's problems. Address what is meant for you and let the rest go. You are responsible for you. I know that you are both a mother and a teacher but you can lead by example. It is not necessary to continually try to change a behavior.
Nikki: yeah, sometimes I feel that is my job and I get frustrated in the lack of progress.
M: It is your job to be he best that you can be and trust that through guidance and intervention that everyone is urged to do the same. Don't feel as if you have to take on the world's problems. It is your love, your dedication that allows healing. If everyone focuses on being their best we WILL "Heal the World"
Nikki: The dream the visit whatever it was the other night was so awesome.
M: It was well planned and we all enjoyed your visit. Just be happy, find joy, dance and dance some more. Your passion your true self is so full of love and joy. Don't worry my friend, you are amazing.
Nikki: Well, thanks for all that you do. You are such a big part of my life. I can't imagine how this all works (giggle). But I love it and I know we are deeply connected.
M: thru so many lives and that heart connection never goes away. The love remains it is eternal. I'm gonna leave you now, know that I am always here.
Nikki: ok, thank you! *heartfelt hug* I love you.
***
Email conversation: Part 1
Jason to Nikki: (earlier that week as the post above)
Last night while laying in bed in the basement in the dark, just trying to get through my physical pain; I was trying to get myself to zone out as sometimes I can desensitize my awareness of the pain if I don't move and focus on somewhere else. Inevitably I started doing poetry in my head. I swear to god, I am channeling when I do that. Cause I can't remember anything afterwards. In any case after saying this long prose something along the lines of like,
Your light shines
like the night stars
in who's cast shadow
I see my soul.
Your glimmer belies
the light out of sight
struck not with heavens fire,
but sparks my dreams,
visions of night sky.
I know it wasn't that, but like that. So then for some reason, M our spirit friend pops into my mind. Now normally, even when you talk to him, I never ever seek him out or feel like he's around, but when it does happen it's like someone shoves a brick on my head, it's that noticeable. And he comes across as clear and strong as any of the boys. It's almost always shocking. Anyways, without even thinking about the strangeness of it, while sort of zoned out, I see him sitting on a stool in a long sleeved jean shirt, white tee underneath, skinny blue jeans and black shoes on a stool, one leg down, one up and crooked in his arms and he's rocking back and forth as if moving to his music or in a rocking chair only it's a bar stool. And just with out thinking I ask him, "What do we do when the pain is so bad it feel like you can't do anything else?" And he says, "You express yourself, until you can't do anything else, and then you step into your shadow under the stars until you can go again". And then he was gone. Last night from 6-8 was really really weird. I was just blasted with physical and mental pain like nothing else. It was just crazy shit. I sort of felt bombarded. Over and over in my head it felt like I was obsessing about my mother, my marriage, money, and everything that might be wrong, and what disaster might come of it all, and how I just wanted to escape. All on top of the most horrific neck and joint pain. I am just glad I snapped out of it and got dinner.
Email conversation: Part 2
A lot of my personal experience happen in the dark of the night or through mutual shared experiences and communication with friends and people I correspond with. Usually we get on the phone and talk about it. Or we will email about it back and forth. More often than not, I record it via email and simply save it in a file online. Then I pick and choose what to post on this web site.
Here's an example. It is the dream mentioned in Nikki's channeling.
3/2/13 dream from Nikki - (As you can see, we often just leave the recording of our experiences in outline form. Very basic.)
airport, ticket change, reschedule, hectic, very limited view. Seemed to be me with someone behind me or tagging along.
even airport focus was limited to paper and ticket area and maybe one person. never a wide angle of where or what. Just a sense of time urgency 1:26-1:28 stand out as very important.
traveling to foreign country or distant place.
luggage?
Jump to M in a room or maybe outside on a hill or near a tree. I suddenly realize OMG its M. I have asked for this over and over. we hug and I don't want to let go. I want to tell him ask him if we can be friends forever, but I don't.
He is in all black, very casual. narrow legged pants, black t and a jacket. Hair in a pony tail with a piece hanging on his face. I think he is very attractive. VERY!
No specific conversation. We may twirl around and dance a couple of times. I ask him if he wants any fish. I see a plate of rice and a single piece of fish with sprinkling of red. maybe red pepper or paprika or just blackened spices.
he says no..i don't really like fish.
I look up in a kitchen that feels very familiar. Pink comes to mind (parents house where i grew up had a pink kitchen). I see see a young boy and think. Oh shit..that's Eric.
I say hi and i am so excited to see him. He smiles. I ask him to come give me a hug. He kind of makes a face and seems stubborn.
I think..oh no, not this time. i WILL hug you. I do, and he starts to cry. I hug and rock him back and forth. Seemingly i know he is sorry. But i just want to hold him.
Run
Eric says he showed himself as a boy to disassociate with suicide. Even as a young boy he could not express emotion or feelings. This was an attempt to do that. he very much succeeded. In letting go and letting me comfort..it was a big step.
M was so happy and proud that we got all the connections. He said he arranged the dream so that I would know it is all real. It IS ALL REAL. even our imagination..all of our thoughts are manifested if not here, in another time and place.
to be noted...I saw a dog, the owner commented "SHE IS A LOVER" I immediately thought of "Im a lover night a fighter" from the song
license plate after running..xxx-TOP. I get LOVE ON TOP
also at game noticed once again two empty seats near us. This is the third time. Surely they are occupied by Earl and Eric :)
3/2/13 dream from Jason - (Nikki and I had these dreams the same night and told each other about it on the practically at the same time. Here I am telling her about my day and my dream.)
*Had a nice, but pretty meh-bleh day.
*Was borderline, apathetic, moody. Was going to cook, but got crabby cause I saw some half yuky produce in the fridge and decided to bail on it.
*I felt compelled to get off my ass and make something. Was going to make fried chicken in lieu of Chinese, but Rose (relative in Spirit) popped in and came on fairly strong
*Didn't really see here, but physically felt someone in the room. skin sensations, sort of felt like my head in a cloud, but not in an uncomfortable way, more like spaciness. Felt someone touching my arms, face, and back knot of head. pins and needles. Felt slightly dizzy and nauseous at times. But that was really brief (from trance channeling).
*Rose was extremely chatty. In a way I don't normally experience with anyone. I have to be in zone for that level of chattiness. This was like rapid fire give and take to every little thing I was doing. It's hard to stress how much talking/ thought was going on. She had me, got me, and convinced me to dig all the vegetable I had tossed out of the trash and clean them up and save all the good ones, which as it turned out was most of it. Perfectly good food as she put it. So asparagus, green onions, snow peas.
*"We" then proceeded to do the whole food prep for 2 dishes, and cook it all. She commented extensively on each step, made banter, jokes, and was even bossy, encouraging, and laughing. commented how nice it was kicking all the men out of the kitchen and having fun.
*She made the comment about Earl being at the game and how she couldn't care less.
*At one point I burnt myself really bad on hot grease on my right ring finger. She commented it wouldn't be cooking without me injuring myself, but fortunately I had a high pain threshold as make some half mental, half snarky grin, laugh innuendo that sounded sort of sexual. (Inside joke, but it always shocks me to hear spirits talk like that)
*to note. She frequently has something in her mouth like she is sucking on it. Candy, food, gum or something. I only mention it cause the only spirits I've seen do that was her and Erik m.
*I don't normally "see" her, or even go to or think of her, but I have quite a bit the past week. I am pretty sure the night before or was it last night.... I can't remember. I was seeing her and Nikki's grandpa a lot. It was actually somewhat hard to focus on them, cause their age / look kept morphing. I am pretty confident he is a regular peep. She suggested a former mother, and more, cause when I acted shocked, she made some crack about, 'what do you expect with that many lives'.
*Dinner was a smash hit as far as I was concerned, even felt on my skin peeps taste test and approve.
*We watched the movie John carter. great Disney space action movie. It took place on a planet with lower gravity. Main character was having fun running and jumping far because of it. Interesting to note, all my life, especially with frequency as a child I would dream of doing just that. Never flying or super hero junk that most kids dream of, but being in this weird environment that was nothing like earth. The rocks on the ground were hexagonal in shape, and made up of pillars. And I would run and take huge leaping jumps from rock pillar to rock pillar for fun. Weird...Also to note, in the move there were this dog/ pet looking things that looked like frogs. Sort of reminded me of a couple of the scary entity experiences I've had. I wonder if scary monster entities are often just alien spirits? who knows? Sounds totally nuts...
I had this dream last night that was so similar to the one you were telling me about on the phone, so many similarities it was freaky.
*Slept downstairs, cause I am sick of boo kicking me out of bed.
*Oh, and to note. Eric was totally incognito all weekend. So weird.
*Early morning I am assuming...I woke up at 7am ish., I had a odd disjointed series of dream like lucid experiences. It's hard to explain, remember or describe, but it was lucid for sure and not a typical dream. It was similar to a travel or search dream, but I didn't really pay it no mind and it didn't feel like it was about me, or anything to do with me. So it didn't make me anxious or anything.
*Oh, and our house is a mess, especially the bed room. 'the peeps let me know I have nothing on messy princess'...ha ha
*OK, so dream
umm...
-There is this strange place, I've dreamed about before.: It is in some kind of "British like city." London? Victorian.
-There is a "transit center" It is sort of a cross between a rail station, bus station, monorail system, and a space port. It is on the coast of this Victorian city. Just outside the city on a rocky mesa, that meets the dessert. It has massive terminals connected via monorail trams, in which underneath is stretches of woodland oasis, old historical abandoned buildings, and around each terminal are shopping districts. The whole complex is huge. At one point, closer to the city is a huge area with a replica of Egypt. with Pyramids and everything. Only they are museums, casinos, shopping etc. You can take a tour of them. Sort of like London meets Vegas.
*There was someone with me, or rather I was with them. I couldn't' tell who, but I guess a female, only I didn't think Nikki, but wouldn't be surprised.
*We got there just like in past dreams. By bus from the big city, then down the coast, past the pyramids. We got off. terminal one. Then into an elevated glass building with huge vaulted ceilings and arching pillars. very futuristic. But it felt like grand central station, with moving walkways, escalators, and floating people movers and trams everywhere. We were rushing about trying to find luggage, and which tram to take. I seemed very unconcerned but sort of impatient with whomever I was with. I was like, no big deal, it's fine, look we have time to go shopping or take a tour. and I felt rushed. So then we go grab a tram, and we are on the monorail to a distant terminal. On the way, we seem to be with someone else. We are commenting on where to sit. And looking out the windows. Down below, there is sort of like this wooded, savanna type of environment with marshland. And old 1800's shanties, some burnt up. Close in a row. And some black guy next to us? with us? said something about he used to live there, and how great it was, and how much fun they had. Then at our destination, I don't really remember anything else. Only on the ground it was some Gothic revival or maybe Victorian upper crust mansion district. Brick. marble, stone. very British looking. gables, wrought iron. box hedges, gravel paths. We were walking to a group of royalty type people and there was talk of a wedding. There was something about a princess, and dresses, and food, and for some reason I really associated with the people there, and it was like I was listening to a running monologue, or discussion, that seemed so verbatim, clear, and not me., only I can't remember it now.
***
Man is not long for the earth, but the humanity he engenders upon his soul remembering himself remains eternal with all mankind.
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One thing that never ceases to surprise me is the latent realization that those drawn into my path are there just as much for me as i for them. Interesting how our interactions evolve us, change us and move us. Even those that seem negative or cant be realized until years later. Especially funny how distance and new perspectives turn pain into positive experiences....weird sometimes...
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It's hard to stop longing for what was once taken for truth, especially if that truth was born out of desire or fear. It really doesn't matter if it was real or correct because this truth was so deeply felt . What does matter though is what am I going to do now in-spite of it. Sometimes that's far more important than any truth....regardless of reality.
***
How Erik talks about spirit travel is also true for obe and astral travel. One of the thing my guides taught me is that you don't visualize yourself in the journey from point A to point B, but rather you Visualize your starting point, and then you visualize 'you' at point B, and you materialize there. That's because your subconscious auto-generates your surroundings as well as uses existing patterns of energy, and so if you start walking it's really easy to get lost. A sure way to make sure you are in the right spot is to form an emotional attachment to an image or memory so that you can create a stable environment. That's why a lot of Spirits will have a "home" for themselves, because it acts as a grounding anchor for them in an energetic world where physicality is so fluid. As far as the white light, grey light, dark tunnel, or cloudy field of visual perception goes... especially when it comes to obe/ astral/NDE and clairvoyance is that the brain is interpreting a dimensional buffer zone. It's like the lobby to there here after so to speak. So for example, because my consciousness through this body can't match Erik's vibrational level, when I am in an altered state of consciousness I can communicate better with him, if I visualize myself in this buffer area. It's like meeting him half way. I create a space for myself and visualize myself there and it's easier to see those on the other side from that point of view rather than trying to "see them in heaven" or see them as they were, so to speak. So when a lot of NDE'ers talk about passing through this zone or tunnel, that's what's going on, their brain is filtering out what their consciousness is perceiving as is passes through a dimensional buffer. The brain, knowledge and belief system of the body can't make heads or tails of it, so it pulls from it's data something that would explain it. voila .. tunnel.. or clouds,... or empty room. etc. This sort of thing doesn't happen much during a lucid dream or astral travel so much because -then the subconscious is mostly in-charge and is a lot stronger than the conscious mind as it doesn't have the same filter constraints the brain has, or the incarnational consciousness plugged into the brain has. Most people are off traveling while their asleep. The reason they usually don't recall their experiences is because their consciousness is nowhere near their brains. The closer you approach or the closer your consciousness energy is to your brain the more you remember, but also the weirder your dreams can be because the brain is trying to interpret your experiences. When you die, this all reverses itself. Your consciousness free of the body now has it's full powers of perception back depending... and instead of a brain being your filter, your energetic emotional focus becomes your filter. There is no direct one to one analogy between physical perception and energetic perception. That's why a lot of mediums when answering the question, "how do I communicate with my loved ones better", they will say, remember a moment when you felt great love, and they will be with you. It's really true. You don't need to worry about what to say, or doing a certain thing, or way, you just need to remember the emotion. That's where the connection is bridged. The modern brain has a hard time objectifying that and so it often balks and insists that there be a right way and wrong way or a procedure, a tool to interpret the communication. It's especially hard when in our society we are taught that emotions are not as valid as words and physical experience. We are taught that anything we can not physically objectify is delusion or even broken. But in Spirit we are not limited by physical perception. All we need then is the emotion. Voila .. connection, movement, we are there. In spirit the weight of your subjective emotional experience defines objective reality, not the other way around.
***
As a few of you know, I often feel like an extremely different person than the writings and channelings presented on this website. Sometimes I get asked, 'how do you know what you write is channeled and not your subconscious'... well, one of several things is that I 'feel' and 'think' and act quite differently in my everyday life. Doubts, fears, anger, personality.... etc., Also many times I flat out don't agree with what I channel, or when applying it to my own life would consider myself an utter failure in it's light. Additionally a lot of the time, I don't even understand it let alone remember it. For example;
.....Personally, sometimes I question that our present incarnate personalities have much say as to when and how other lifetimes are experienced. I think to our current personalities, all that is perceptually based is in a linear space time due to our present body.
From the way I have read things, all lifetimes are happening concurrently to the root aspect of the soul (higherself). To the root soul self, it really doesn't matter what the incarnational personality thinks, but rather it takes it all as a lump, or a gathering of emotional experience,
or think of it like this... It's analogous to the big bang. The soul is born. It's conscious awareness asks the question. Who am I. In that moment..... It branches out into infinite lines intertwining itself with all that is. Every possible expression of that aspect of the source of all that is, manifests as a soul. All at once, all possibilities spiral out into all that can be. Along those lines, or webs of possibility, focused aspects of that source consciousness focus on different aspects of itself.
Some are life times, some are creative creations we cant fathom. Each focus can be a personality of life, and has the potential to evolve and refocus that aspect. But there really isn't any coming back in another lifetime or to some journeys-end. There is only new perceptions of what always was.
Should we not focus on something, the root soul self simply refocuses on something else, or a focus aspect (incarnational personality) moves it's own focus... "Next time" is really just the hope that our present focus remains comforting to our present point of view. In reality, next time is "now", but just from a different view. A lot of what we suppose matters, only matters based on a observation point.
In this light it's easy to become apathetic or 'enjoin' a dis-satisfied attitude. I once asked Spirit, "What's the difference between apathy and lack of desire."
They said, "Apathy is discomfort with participation in life. And desirelessness is realizing your comfort with what you already have or perceive."
The trick is not in getting it right or wrong, or hoping for a better future, even future-life..... The trick is to let go of what doesn't feel like us, and embrace what does, and that includes emotional judgement. That's why the golden rule is so important, but what's even more important is to treat yourself like you'd want to be treated. That being 'To love ourselves as we would want to be loved'.
(insert sarcastic chuckles).... that said... 'This personality', (me) .... half the time... thinks it's all total crap...(see what I mean.....[grin-grimice] ...)
***
Many times in life especially to the budding sensitive, we come across people or spirits of various familiarities in which or in who we are not quite sure how to react to. It could be a former relative, spouse or child. It could be a friend or enemy. It could be a guide or even something scary. Just as in life there are those who we also don't know how to act around let alone know how to think about. It could be anyone. Emotions while incarnate can be confusing, hard to deal with, and poorly understood. We worry about how to treat those who have passed on. How do we honor their memory, how do we honor them now, and yet at the same time, honor the living even perhaps should we not want to, or don't know how to. What I am getting at is this. Don't worry. It has been said, "That we are to do all things in love". That doesn't mean ignoring or giving into worry when we are faced with emotions a situation brings us. It doesn't even matter if we don't understand it or can comprehend the truth of the matter. What does matter is that we approach all through as much love as we can muster. What would our highest possible self do? How would we wish to be treated? Is it possible at the very least to turn cheek and give respect? I believe even if we are confronted with what fear, what grief, what unhappiness, or even what anger takes us... I believe if we strive for personal truth through this idea of a greater love, the universe will resolve itself around wherever we need to be. Those who watch will have our backs, and higher spirit will help us return to love. Now that said, it's not always going to be easy. It's often going to feel like you're being asked to have blind acceptance, and forgiving yourself is going to be of the hardest things possible. Letting go of those emotions is only going to be possible if you reach for them. And healing them is only possible from looking at them. So remember this. Honor all things through love, especially yourself. Don't worry, and have a good life.
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It's been said, with great strength comes great responsibility. People spend their whole lives trying to find strength, or trying to understand responsibility. They pray for it, hope for it, and worry. Other people tell them they are weak. Other people tell them no. They are told they can't. - Impossible in a world of possibilities. We are taught what we should and shouldn't do. Told what to believe and how to act. Even should that be in taking no action. But here is the thing. It's not that you need to know what makes you strong. It's not that you need to discover what part you play or what you are responsible for in this life. It's very simple. Love yourself. Much of the time, the greatest strength is to have the courage to say, I will try again. For you see, everything you hate about yourself; Everything you fear; Everything that causes tears, and everything you take for granted; Is actually your greatest super power. It's where your soul is it's strongest. It's from where every dream, every hope, and every promise that ever was - is born... and it surrounds you and gives life to you. It is from where your light shines. It is in that darkness your light shines the brightest. It is the contrast of the darkest night and the brightest love you can muster that shines the way for not only your life, but for all those you touch. In this life, and in the hereafter. This is real power. This is real strength. To face ourselves and to do right by ourselves the very best we can.... is to take and act on the greatest responsibility.
***
Do you ever find yourself looking backwards at what you've lived? Do you ever wonder about it, ask yourself, .. why? Or see it in new light through the passing of time. Perhaps you've healed or if not then time has cast it in light through colored glass. A melancholy takes me and gives me pause. Sometimes it's the news headlines, sometimes a scent or sound, a turn of phrase. Triggering memories, I fall backwards into vision and feeling and relive what I only once imagined, what I thought I felt, suddenly seems so different. I don't think it's regrets I feel or disappointments. It sort of feels like release after a long period of grieving. What was once sad, angry or lost now seems longing, wistful, and compassionately lovable... Perhaps that is what is meant by time heals all.
***
It's quite normal I think, for spiritual relationships to seem quite one sided. Many times those in spirit can't or wont interact with you in a way you'd like for many reasons. Much of the time it's because doing so would interfere with your life plan or those around you. Sometimes it's because of problems with physics or energy. And some times it's due to knowledge or belief on both sides. Another quirk is that most times what is communicated will be presented in a way that falls in line to the recipients beliefs, views, or perceptions, including sense of linear space time, even should it only be true but from a certain point of view. Also, it's quite normal for the incarnate to be unable or be unavailable to focus with conscious clarity or be open enough to engage the other side in a way they would like, think they should or in a way that would bring comfort. As such many times either side would seem to have nothing to say in the moment. Rather, what is better is to remember the love and hold onto that feeling. For in the end, that is what remains. Love.
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Last night Erik M., and I did a little exploring of something you and I have talked about before.
It really hit me as a surprise I think... to realize one of the themes I've been working on subconsciously throughout my life thus far involve interpersonal relationships friends or otherwise with people (men and women) who are either physically, emotionally or both unavailable to me. Or in a way I would desire. I think I am still trying to figure out why that is such a strong repeated contrast in my life. This was especially true, when I wouldn't or couldn't open up and make myself vulnerable, or I lied or kept stuff from myself or the other person. Although sometimes, this contrast/ struggle happened even when I was open.... but.. in those cases, I think the key was misaligned desire, expectation or unwillingness to accept what the other person was able to offer, OR my not setting boundaries.
I think it's been an interesting exploration of personal relationships from an pretty intense immersion of life.
I guess I've only just realized that while it's vital to set boundaries in relationships, it's helpful to realize a lot of unlooked at desire and expectations creeps into a relationship, not based on our inability to express it, but due to not accepting or acknowledging gratitude for what others could, can, or are able to offer us. And to realize when our expectations and desires are not met, it's not a failure on their part or a statement on who we are, it's simply us not recognizing what's been offered, let alone available.
I think part of the angst, suffering, or trouble we encounter stems from our longing to be in complete spiritual harmony AND physical harmony with those while on Earth. I think this is perhaps a paradox. It might simply be not possible while incarnated. We are looking for the unity we inhabit on the other side. And so we are always seeking it, thinking we are separated from it. I think this is yet another case of looking outside of us. Behind, beyond, and beside. In reality, that comfort can only be had in each moment we are at peace with ourselves. I think a great deal of this can only be achieved if we practice letting go of desire, attachment, and expectation. Easier said than done, especially when we feel such coming at us from others, never mind what we are always projecting due to our physical bodies.
I was thinking about all this with Erik m., and going through all the people in my life thus far. And realizing how this process was or has been a major theme. Starting with my mother.
I was thinking then perhaps I'd been unfair in regards to my attitude with many people in my life. And that perhaps I should contact them. But while all the above does speak to my relationships, I am not so sure I care to rekindle anything any time soon. Even so, while realizing this contrast, we had a very long history of deep intimate confidence and sharing. I don't think I care to return to that. I don't feel comfortable mixing our differences anymore. I just don't find the attachment, desire, or sense of expectation/ obligation there any more. I confess I was a little worried about that I'd never be able to trust or confide in anyone again on the level I'd like, or want. But I think perhaps what I am realizing is that, it's better if I remember I am not responsible for what energy people have available or make available to me. And it's not a reflection on me, or about me. I can't make it my own. I can only focus within or get lost in everyone else. Because happiness, completeness, comfort is never going to be in a relationship or someone giving me what I want, how I want, when I want, but it's only going to be in those moments, those singular moments when I can look within and realize I need nothing, because there is nothing to have, nothing to loose, because the unity, the comfort, the harmony, the sense of fearless sharing never was missing. I simply have to be brave enough to love and let go. But I realize that's a process that is forever in motion. It's not something to achieve or learn. It's simply mastered through experience and understanding. Anything else is fruitless worry. I guess the old saying, live free, love free, and be at peace is true.
***
Another interesting thing happened.
Last night I had a lucid OBE type of dream experience.
It involved my 8th grade teacher. It was after I had that long running dialogue with Erik.
I had a vision experience where I realized I was in some sort of hall/ auditorium or gathering spot. And there was people there like a gathering. There was a podium up front where people could go up and speak. People were dressed in dark dress clothes and mingling. Some drinking, some eating orderves. And I was in a suit talking to small groups of clustered people. And then I went up and started speaking about my 8th grade teacher. And I told the gathered people that I was so grateful for her because she was one of the first people who made me realize or taught me the value of self love and how I could achieve things in life, that I mattered, etc. etc. you know she helped give me a sense of self worth. And I was talking about her and her husband who was also one of my teachers. Talking about their kindness and devotion to their students. And then the scene shifted to a park. A sunny beautiful park and she was in a sun dress and she went off a ways to sit by herself, she said she was going to call her husband on the cell phone so I could tell him what I told the audience.
It was so strange.... it made me wonder if she was still alive or not in this life, and why I was seeing all this. Was it real? it seemed so real. Not very dream or memory like. there was nothing bizarre or other worldly about it.
***
Additionally I had another OBE the other morning, or being taught or something. It wasn't a lucid dream, I knew my body was asleep, but I was in my room, and it was around 4-5 ish, in the pre morning light, and the room was all dark barely lit like that, and I was practicing rolling out of my body and giggeling over it. and then walking up the stairs amazed. But I came back to my body, when I tried to open the door, because it didn't lead to where I thought it should.
I started reading this book.
"Exploring your inner reality" by Jonas Ridgeway
Link: http://amzn.com/0615776965
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Someone recently wrote to me about their life and some difficulties they were having in life, I thought part of my response was worth sharing at large because I think my feelings might resonate with others in their own journeys.....
I wrote,
As far as my year has been so far goes; Well, I too have experienced some inner drama. Some of it quite difficult and painful. But otherwise, I and my family are well. I think the past two years I've had a pattern or series of ups and downs in my life. Mostly emotional, I suppose. In my own life some of the theme's I've always worked on have to do with 'self love', 'fear', 'balance', 'expectation' and attachment. All in my life, throughout my whole life this has drawn to me experiences that let me experience these themes. I suppose to my soul, it was the hope that I would remember myself and transmute the energy of that experience, not by changing an outcome or the process of it, but bringing my highest possible self into it. To heal, to love, to understand who I really am within such themes of experience.
Does that make sense?
One of the challenges I've encountered has been dealing with these emotions when I've been unable to achieve this remembrance of self within my life experiences. As you well know, this generates dense emotions such as worry, fear, doubt, anger, and leads to depression and further discomforting manifestations. I think for me, this stems attachment to things, illusion, and false beliefs about myself due to my ego. Facets that do not serve my greater good. Don't get me wrong, it's not easy at times. I know that. I agreed to come into this life, within this reality, this time, this culture, society, and family, and set the bounds with which I was to work with. We all agree to these before life on Earth. Like I said, It is our souls hope to work with and within these systems as a tool to understand our true natures. It is the hope that we can remember and bring as much of our Spirit to these experiences and transcend them to a greater understanding.
So you see, much of what we feel and see and experience is not quite as it would seem. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Do not worry. Only the brave experience life on Earth. Heaven honors your commitment to understand these experiences, to know and bring forth your inherent heart.
No it's not easy. Working within the systems of life can often feel like torture, prison, or a land of missing opportunity. Many times, it's not that there is actually missing opportunity, but rather that our attachment to expectation has given us disabling beliefs preventing us from feeling our true natures within these systems of life. This can lead to further worry, doubt, fear, and even apathy.
I once asked Spirit,
"What's the difference between apathy and lack of desire."
They said,
"Apathy is discomfort with participation in life. And desirelessness is realizing your comfort with what you already have or perceive."
In this light I think it has been important for me, to focus on what I have, vs/ what I perceive - that I do not have.... or in other words, focus on what I like vs/ what I don't like. I think many times, I need to remember my highest self within whatever comfort I can see; and if, I should not see it... then I should try to create it, and then focus on remembering myself within it.
Many times I judge myself too harshly. I feel like a failure for not realizing what I would perceive to be my highest self or for not finding emotional comfort within my experiences. And so then I have a tendency to focus on what feels painful. This only tightens my focus. But, there are those times after a storm. A storm of life, in the dark of night laying in bed that I remember myself. Who I really am, and I am able to feel who I want to be. And I can feel that love, the love in my heart and I know that in those individual singular moments; that love is all that matters. Not what I do, say, or experience, but simply being who I really am. Love.
In that moment, I remember that we are all one. Above, below, and on Earth. We are one, trying to remember ourselves, our perfection, our true natures. Within that new understanding I remember that I could never be less than, or anything but perfection. There is nothing to strive for, nothing to gain, nothing to loose, nothing to fear nor worry over. There is only Love.
Well, as I mentioned. It's more about the process. And many times I've let myself get lost in that process. Getting lost is really painful at times. It makes experience unbalanced and chaotic. But there is hope. I think that is why I've always looked up to Meher Baba and other who would teach me from their example. Through their love, they remind me of mine. And though, perhaps, I may feel like I've failed this time, I know that there will be love.
As far as your situation goes, your family, money, work, home life. It is difficult for me to offer specific advice. I know culture, politics and the economy can create quite a difficult system to work within. Sharing what I can of my own story, and from what you've told me so far, I feel I can relate to what you are experiencing.
I've experienced similar things with my parents and brother in this life. In the case of my parents; They divorced when I was a teen. My mother stayed in California, and my father moved 2000 miles away to Minnesota. My brother became a drug addict and homeless, I ended up taking him in off the streets. With each there came a point in my life where I had to make the choice to live for them, or live for myself and the love I knew was there. It wasn't so much that I had to choose to sacrifice, give, or take, but rather that I had to choose if I was going to live with love within that situation or outside of it. And this is where culture, politics and the economy come in. To be honest I don't know too much about the particular realities of your environment, and so I don't have much of an understanding of what you perceive around you. Does this make sense?
I think the best advice I can give is to follow your heart and choose love. What of your situation feels the most comfortable. A place where you can manifest how you see your highest possible self. A place you can let go of attachments, perceptions, beliefs, and behaviors that do not, or no longer serve you and how you see yourself. Who do you want to be. What do you want to feel. What do you wish to experience. What feels like love? Many times what we would wish is attachment as well. It is about us looking outside of ourselves to cover the discomfort we feel in the moment. We are not ready, or we are not able, capable, nor have the the tools to achieve that desire. And so we fail. Or we feel like we've failed.
In reality it's not his future we seek. We seek the return to ourselves within the moment. We seek detachment. We seek comfort. We seek ourselves. And so we swim in a storm of water trying to remember how to float, how to breathe. It is when we remember that it is not the air of this life we breathe, but the love of our soul that sustains us, that we are able to float.
Sometimes to float, we must let go of the shores we clung to. The wreckage that drifts by us is not for us to reach out for. It is simply a reminder be calm, remember our heads, and remember to focus on what matters. Should you see the world drown around you, it is painful to see them struggle. We worry and fear for them. But should we get too close they might pull us under with their struggles. We would then loose ourselves in the storm. Better to lead by example and float. A man will never learn to swim if forced. It is only when shown how not to fear that he can find the peace to lay back in surrender and float on his own. Look to our Teacher's example. Trust in it. It's not that he will transform what's around you into quiet waters, but that through his example of Love that you will transmute your perception and be able to float. And by your example others will be able to do the same.
Hope floats. Love floats. And so do you.
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