Push pull to spiritual freedom

Sept. 30, 2011

Random Musing:

Emotional - Mental Tug-o-wars. Push pull to spiritual freedom.

The tug-O-war of emotional pain and mental freedom does not have to be the personal trap it often seems to be. What's going on is that we allow ourselves to surrender to such emersive focus that our conscious and subconscious creates it's own pocket reality that blocks outside stimuli, blocks out the other parts of ourselves that may help regain fresh air.

This pain can be very deep and traumatic. In some ways more so than any physical experience. This what it means to become stuck in inner suffering. It seems like no matter what you do, no matter what you force yourself to think about that nothing changes. It is a self fulfilling cycle of torture.

There are many techniques that rely on facing one's emotion head on and then making a choice to hold on or let it go. For many one's feelings are too hot to handle and stepping back and away into analytical thought may work better.

See, the brain will always try to interpret and organize one's inner experiences. It takes the emotional, mental, psychic multidimensional experiences and it tries to sort them; organize them and interpret them for the conscious ego. It often does this with mind-or mental association leaps. It sees something with an emotional component to it and it will automatically seek it's memory, conscious and unconscious and attempt to attach a "like, or similar" emotional memory to it. And it can and will string such experiences together. It doesn't matter if the memories have anything psychically to do with each other. What it is doing is stringing the like emotional experiences together so that when unconsciously connected, the present emotion is intensified in an attempt to give it meaning. So you may suddenly find yourself lost in past emotional pain and have no conscious clue how you got there. You can thank the brain's mental association leaps.

One way of over coming this is to just stop, and look behind the emotion. Say to yourself, WHOA, where did that feeling come from. Look at the feeling and think about what memory is attached to it. It will most likely be something that triggered an emotional reaction in the past for you and have nothing to do with the present other than similarity of feeling. Then past chains of attachment will lead to another. You can then re-evaluate your past experience. You can decide if that feeling is still relevant to who you are or how you perceive yourself today.

If it does not mesh with how you see yourself, you can shrug it off and tell yourself, THAT memory is not me. I am so much more than that. That memory has no place in my current reality. This acknowledgement will free you from the mind association of the present emotional experience and lesson it's burden.

But then again. If you look at these "chains" of associated feelings, you may feel even more drawn to them. You may decide that you WANT to roll in the feelings. At first you may not know why, and you may just give up. You want to feel. You secretly want to feel, and you feel guilt and shame over it, but you don't know why. So your allowing yourself to pull your psyche apart, with secret desire and conscious denial. So you want and yet to don't want. This is a particularly tortuous form of self created duality. In a way it is master stroke of genius from the higher self. It is going to force you to re-create yourself in one form or another. The ultimate way to say, "who am I'.

So you think want to be free, and yet you want to be left alone and roll in your agony. What to do?

Here comes the hard part. Sometimes, It's ok to get mad. It's ok to hurt. It's ok to wallow. BUT, but, "THIS TIME", you need to allow yourself to really feel. And ask yourself, what is going on. This will make the feelings stronger. No more sweeping emotion under the rug! This is ok. You've been denying yourself and chastising yourself for so long that you need to really look at yourself. Find alone time and Narrow that focus. It's ok to spend a week or more on it. Just be sure to come back to that feeling that triggered all this in the first place and compare it to how you see yourself in the world today.

Now that you've gotten into a deeper connection with those feelings you can say, "I want to feel this". Treat this statement as "a cause". Say the cause outloud or write it down, and then ask yourself, what would it's effects be? "I want to be mad at Johnny, I hate him for leaving me".... Now ask yourself, If you hold on to your anger, what would all the possible effects of that be in your life? If I don't like these effects- is; IS this cause really who I want to be? Is that me?

It may indeed not be you. This is a good thing. But being still in the "human" experience, just because you master yourself, doesn't mean that such emotions will now go away. It simply means that you've gained a greater experience with them. So the next time something like this shows up in your experience you will be able to aptly manage it, and move on to an ever greater experience that you'd rather have. Look back at any of the Spiritual masters in earths history. They all had to deal with pain and suffering, but where their experience differs is that they were able to manage it and return to who they really were.

We can do this too, but we have to be brave enough to sit down with ourselves and look at the root causes of what brings us uncomfortable emotions and thoughts. Examine why you suffer, why you might want to suffer, and what suffering causes and the effects born from them, and then compare it all to your highest possible self. Then make a choice. And keep making a choice every day.

Your conscious active aware choice will always be a better one than anything anyone, spirit or other wise can decide or tell you. This is personal Freedom. This is bringing awareness to a personal reality that you create. This is part of who we really are.