November - December 2012

December 17, 2012

What matters to me this Christmas:

Our loved ones lost have helped me learn many things since they died.

One of them is that, even though I am on a journey of my own making, I never walk alone.

Even though sometimes I, & it hurts too much to feel,

They showed me that I still have it within me to feel myself.

That who I am is not in that pain, but what is waiting to love outside of that,

and it's within that heart space, that they are waiting.

If I can just remember that, as what matters, I always remember that I am not alone.

I'd like to think that's where I live as well, and where I remain in those who I love, and who love me.

In that spot, I hope, to feel again.

***

When what is expected, and what is desired becomes separated by pain, it's important to remember what is and isn't love, and how much it's worth to do what's necessary to experience it.

It's not so much what is right, wrong, or matters, but that we allow ourselves the opportunity to express our inner truth with honesty.

To each other we owe nothing, but that which we are willing to fully experience.

If something is not in alignment with who we are, we can resist it and struggle to oppose it in battle, or we can surrender to the acceptance that we must let it go.

Letting it go doesn't mean that we must allow happenings and experiences to happen to us;

nor does it mean ourselves to pass through them,

but rather that we are now giving ourselves permission to remove ourselves from the situation or create new situations and circumstances.

A step in a new direction.

Sometimes when co-creating and co-experiencing life,

this step is the most courageous thing you can ever do.

State, Create, and live your own personal truth.

Courage over fear.

***

A friend in Spirit said the other day, ... "to love completely you must have self love".

'Not being able to love 'cause I didn't love myself'

Lack of self love is the greatest illusion, delusion, of them all....

Choosing to react or not react in the face of inner or outer chaos-- without self love....

keeping us from being in or creating experiences of love cause I can't get past this perception of lack I put myself in.

War with ourselves.

Peace only comes back in life, when we refocus on what matters to us, inside.

One of the hardest things I've learned is that even when I don't love myself very much, or anyone else, that I can still choose to live something that feels like me, though finding ourselves again, isn't as important as remembering myself.

It's as hard or as simple as I make it.

Courage over fear for me was giving myself permission to say, fuk that, this shit aint me, and then getting up again.

I can only imagine how hard that would be if I had a bigger group of people to engage that dynamic with. Do I hide, battle with them, or destroy myself, all of us because of my choice of lack. I know that's something the E's have always tried to help me with. Refocusing on abundance, vs lack. Or what can I create as oppose to what's wrong. What about me feels right, and what am I going to do with it today.

I think we all have those battles. We often refocus on giving love and gratitude to others during the holiday season. I've learned that I have to give it to myself if i am going to be able to give it to others. I need to take myself out of the vacuum of what sucks, and look not at my dirt, but bring light to what treasure I've set around myself, waiting to be discovered, no, remembered.

***

Dec. 05, 2012

It's in the quest to be,.. that we strive to attain a 'state of being'. As we attempt to realize this, we strive to balance visions of lack, abundance, have, have not, worth, and worth.

These judgements come not from the experience or the understanding of it, but from worry and fear generated from desire of this state of being.

But this state, "being"...can not be attained, won, lost or even practiced. It must be realized, felt and remembered.

Once so,... one will understand with context, through hands on experience,....that there is nothing to do, have, see, or go.....there is only "being yourself".

Embracing this IS a state of being...."a balance". It is peace.

Practicing this is acceptance of love that is you, but something that is also inclusive of everything else that knows no resistance.

We come to life not necessarily to learn this, express this, but to understand this through contextual experiences of our creation, and co creations.

So while for many, such experiences engender pain, suffering, and seeming lack; It will always be the inner hearts abundance, when accepted and embraced , that such states of being are realized. We've already achieved it, we only need to remember ourselves and be it.

***

I hope you all have been enjoying your holiday season so far, and taking time for yourself and loved ones. That's what I've been trying to do. (although I've also been sick twice so far!-yuk) In this time of year it's easy to get stressed out with what you think you should be doing, and what others think.

An Angel told a medium friend of mine, Nikki the other day, (paraphrase)

"There is no need to worry, there is not always work to do. Much of life is experiencing and enjoying what comes your way. It is the "stop and smell the roses" suggestion. Much of your work takes place without you knowing. Enjoy life."

***

Another friend of mine, Nikki's son said this today,

"It is in accepting that we are all on our own journey that we love completely. No judgment, no expectations. For those that strive for perfection, earth is a battleground of challenges and never ending attempts to please and fulfill those expectations.

Love! Accept each other as perfect beings each on their own individual journey. Our paths cross for a reason, we should hold those moments close to our heart. Love, love all you can. And know that we are all eternal. My choice to leave was not a decision to hurt or cause pain, but an end to my journey and a need to be free of the earthly expectations. Your love is felt here, we never stop loving!" -- Eric.

***

Many times in the life of the spiritual seeker, there comes a point where emotional energies create a crescendo of focal points. These focal points are realizations of world views, self views, and feelings about the state of reality. These points often then collide with not only the old focal points, but with the nature of the physical system the soul chose to incarnate into. This often creates a sort of fuzzy, indecisive, anxious, chaos, in which the seeker feels out of step, stuck and uncertain how to balance it all. For example, they may find themselves with feelings of detachment with life circumstances. A certain feeling of not being able to relate to "life" anymore. Or a frustration with other peoples views, feelings, reactions and beliefs. Or even a low riding current of worry over where to go, do, and be. Within these feelings it is not for us to flounder, drown, or react. It is within us to give ourselves permission to simply be at peace with how we see ourselves in spite, and despite everything else. In this accepted peace, one can then find the space to participate in doing what is joyful or in the non-doing contentment that all is as it should be, and all will be well. These considered, the eternal journey continues.

***

It's not always easy to become, better to simply be.

***

Last night I died in my dreams

would it have been in your arms

Holding me through the night

night after night

longing for your gentle touch

how I know not

praying for meanings

should it be more

where am I not

in nights slumber

I dreamed of your touch

holding me through the night

***

That which is in the midst of the storm, is surround by chaos. That which remains, is that which bent with the wind. Growth comes not from resistance, nor from the struggle to change. But it comes from allowance in all states. When surmounted with the pains of life, allow yourself to float with the wind, there will be peace in knowing that you will remain.

***

It's often only when you've lost everything, that you realize there is nothing to have, but that what you have always held. Nothing to loose, nothing to gain. Simply aware of everything that you are, letting go of what you are not.

***

Random musing

You know one thing I've consistently run into in life......In the online communities, my neighborhoods, my work, church, and family life..writing to people, in person, or on the phone....., as well as in my own life, is the whole issue of the afterlife aside..........

That people are really using the spiritual, as this sort of ..tool to self treat elements within themselves that often seem to be related to personality and emotion.

I know a lot of what I write deals with these things......Using spirituality as a means to a self help therapy to address these issues....sort of outside this belief in the continuance of consciousness or soul.

It's interesting.....

Emotional hoo-haw, mental illness, and stuff like that runs in my blood family, and I've often thought and wondered in my life if and what any of it pertains to me. What's normal. Who decides what's normal. And does it really matter if I am above or below the line of norm that some academic or scientist says is a norm? Does how anyone feel demand a mandated treatment or therapy, or is the point of it all to just experience it? And what if anything does the role of Spirit have to do with any of it.

Take that, and marry it with systems of belief, and there are 3 main groupings of thought realities. The Religious theological; the non-traditional spiritual; and the materialist science...I've always found it interesting how each of them, looks at the other. With disdain, disbelief, or disregard. For example the materialist will say the other two subscribe to magical and illustionary thinking and say they need treatment, therapy, or medication. The Traditional Religious say anyone who falls outside their belief is damned. etc....

So I am always brought back to this thinking of what is going on...... when I have boughts of negative feelings that generate worry and fear. Am I wrong? Broken? Crazy? deluded? And then I wonder, does it matter, or does the experience matter, does how I feel about myself inside and outside that experience matter, and what I take from it? Does how I actualize it in my life matter? Does what I experience harm me, and others? Help? or does it lead to greater understanding of myself?

I think what we, going through life do with all this will ultimately be because of what we believe our ultimate reality to be. All I know is that I don't want to worry about it or be fearful about. I am not really sure how that translates to my dealings with others. I know this duality of thought, feeling, and spiritual belief is a significant journey for many in these online communities. In another self aspect, I also wonder how it translates to what I experience. I suppose I have to just fall back on recording what I experience. Here it is, Here is how I saw it. I may be nuts, but here is what I am going to take from it.....Love not fear.

I think I've always tried to do this sort of thing in my life. Even as a child, in church. Even as an atheist in college. I try not to let any of it define who I am, or the actions I take in my daily life....I just try to make my daily life happy, successful, content, and loving. Sometimes I am not so successful. Sometimes, physicality is painful. Sometimes my finances and life choices have not seemed so good, but I refrain from saying good or bad. Because even in my painful experiences, I think I learned a lot, and I am not so sure life was supposed to be about roaring success and balance. I think perhaps life is supposed to just be about understanding experience.......

Maybe I am wrong.....

I guess I'll just keep at it. Keep choosing. No worry, no regrets

***

At some point all those who serve must reach the decision to be served. For some that means creating ways to say no for a while. For some it becomes a temporary waiting game. And others its about force-ably changing expectations

***

Rather than judge an expectation, question yourself.

***

All disincanates operate through a filter, for the body is a filter. Even those who allow others to use their body, it then becomes a filter for those using it. For all is a blend of energy. All is.

***

Just because something isn't how you would wish doesn't mean it holds no truth, but rather your expectations of your own truth holds want.

***

'In the jungle of my heart i want to be your darkness. I wanna be the hot wet soak of your step, the sweet sweat cooling your palm, and the hungry burn when you dream of water.'

--There are many reasons to incarnate, don't box yourself in.....You might just have fun.....

***

(I have a pretty dry sarcastic sense of humor, sometimes I write little poems/ diddy's with it like this, lol)

Licking lollipops

Flavored

Round and luscious

Sticky hard

Melts covering coyly.

Flavored like lies and loathing

Bitter sweet anger

Hidden treasures.

Licking that lolly

I can almost like,

Taste myself,

If it were not

The fear

The fear

Id chip a tooth.

***

(in southern u.s. accent..)

Sometimes i do go ta war with maself, war....do battle....sometimes i feel like i wins, sometymes i loose....now yad thinks that sometime it be a draw...but that aint it...no....sometymes it just evaporates...poof and i be somewhere else......somewheres there aint no war.....there juz be livin peace, peace pleasin that never knew nothin else...i tells ya!

***

The only real dilemma between what is too much or too little is what you allow to be just right.

***

I often find myself with the attitude, "if I haven't experienced it, I am not interested in knowing".... I am not sure where that is coming from, but I am exploring it.

This especially comes to mind, when presented with what others find of spiritual interest. I am much more interested in what they have personally experienced, than what they are reading. I've never been a big believer in randomness, chance, or us at the mercy of perception, perspective or any belief physicality would engender. That's not to say another's view isn't valid, it's just to say -better to focus on what we can experience Together...

November 16, 2012

Let yourself love deep, for while your inner darkness will sustain you, it is those you love that will carry you forward.

***

The path to my soul was littered with burnt bridges and hulking wreckage. I thought it better to lighten my burden so that I could see the light. Only when I realized there was no light but what of me I allowed to shine and that they were my foundation did I cement them with love.

***

Just as there is always more life to live so are there lives should we desire. Some people collect lives in a jealous hoard, like some people collect treasured brick-ca-brac. Each piece has to be better or different than the rest. Somewhere down the line one realizes that they don't own life, but it is owning them. When we come to really understand that no life defines us, we can finally really live a lifetime loving not it, but ourselves.

***

Many times our experiences are not just our own. Many times how others internalize their perception of our experiences makes it equally as valid to them, from their point of view. Guides know this. And while we may experience something that seemingly has nothing to do with anyone else at first glance, it's often taken as equal opportunity for experience elsewhere. What is one man's phantom is anothers savior is anothers torment. Each in their own carries unique emotional weight, with unique opportunities for experience, understanding, and even healing.

November 15, 2012

Q & A with Nikki and Angels cont.

Nikki channels her guardian angel Elle:...

Q)

Elle, How can we be the best we can be in life. Many including me have intent, the drive, the work ethic, what is missing?

A) "Nothing is missing. Take time to enjoy the process. There is no rush, there is no need to hurry through this. You have all that you need. Your connection to your higher self, you inner wisdom is the true gift. The rest will come as you need it. Often there is the impression that one must communicate or channel to be whole or complete. That is not true. What you must be able to do is to find the desire the ability to love. First to love yourself. To find joy within. To accept that you are perfect and an eternal connection to love. Second is to see the good in others and to let them follow the path they are on. On occasion we influence that path, but that comes naturally. Worry less, enjoy more. It is our greatest joy to see you happy. To experience our presence. You have already accomplished so much. Do not bother yourself with worry or desire. But find joy in each and every day. The synchronicity, the love that is in your life is worth celebrating. YOU are worth celebrating. We feel so much joy in your heart, know that we couldn't be prouder." ---ELLE.

***

It's pretty intense to realize one's life purpose and plan is something so simple as loving yourself, letting go of fear and simply sharing who you are, not by doing, but by being happy. I can spend a life time working hard at it, or be happy knowing I was worth it.

***

In many ways guides are ultimate teachers in visual literacy, in artistic literacy. They strive to direct intelligent information of another kind through where they can move your eyes, ears, and feelings. Like a stage director creating a master play. 'Don't mind the man behind the curtain young Dorthy', look to what's in front of you and tell me what you feel...

***

Boo boo the beagle knows the secret....

Life is about exploring yourself,

Life is about singing your song,

and life is about napping in comfort of what you love.

***

Be my crystal ball and tell me life is beautiful. Dance when your happy, sad, or just drunk with life. Even when your tired and sore of bleeding feet you dance to work it off.

***

"If you truly believe that your soul is eternal,

it becomes obvious this is just a tiny piece of puzzle"-- Nikki

***

"Get out of your head, go out and live. Go for a walk, believe what was born in love is with you always. In that love, every part of you is expressed."--Nikki

November 14, 2012

Q & A with Erik M. Cont....

Q)

D. writes.....

"Question for Erik. What can i do to ground myself? I find myself feeling anxious and unmotivated in life even though i am just 18. I just want peace and harmony and cant get myself to meditate, and I want to know the reason for the skin infections that has been troubling me for a long time. I know there is a spiritual basis for that, I want to find that out so that I can heal myself from it."

A)

Dear D., Try not to worry too much. You are doing good. You will find your peace.

The real issue surrounding you is that of focus, and the issue of intent. They stand side by side within you. To you this feels like they stand in opposition and you look at each, one at a time. They weigh on your mind. They pull at your attention. It feels chaotic, and stagnant at the same time, in this dualistic push-pull. Not knowing what to do about it, you are forever looking outside of yourself for answers to why you feel such discomfort. You even look away within yourself and think there is something you lack or something you're not doing. In and amongst all this, you need to ask yourself; "Where is my focus"?

Your focus is on wanting. Desire. You want something though you do not know what. So you focus simply on wanting. Change, different, non-being. You say you wish for a peace and you wish to participate in harmonious life. But Peace does not come from want. Peace comes from acceptance. Peace comes from comfort. Harmony does not come from want, harmony comes from allowance, it comes from being. It is not derived from action, or inaction. They are states of being. Of understanding the self.

Whether consciously or unconsciously, you have embraced your discomfort as saying something about you. You are identifying with those feelings as a state of being without exploring their context. You think this is your default state of being because you fear that you lack something. You ask, "perhaps you are not grounded?". To wonder if you are grounded, you are not asking if you are able to visualize or feel your energy merge with the earth or physicality... Your ego mind is grasping at how you feel regarding your circumstances and declaring that they are your ultimate reality; Letting those experiences define how you feel about your self, the world you live in and your ultimate reality.

Who are you? Are you fear? Are you doubt? Are you this life? This body? This family? Those past experiences? Is all that heavy emotion going to bind you to that view forever?

To meditate in measured repose is pointless, for you would float in chaos of the minds self torture. Your focus would be on what is right or wrong, and the failure to meet either expectation would drive you to further worry. That is not who you are.

You, my friend. You are love. You are.

You, my friend are peace. That is you being.

You, my friend are harmony. It is your potential.

When you focus on anything but that eternal love that is your soul, you deviate into fears and worries of these temporary physical forms. This agitation and worry creates a huge vacuum of desire and want. A dis-satisfaction, a feeling of lack, which propels you on a seemingly endless journey to worth. In reality there is nothing to evaluate. There is only you... to take value in. When you focus on what you DO have, and how much self love is worth to you for what it gives, then will you achieve remembrance of who you really are as a soul.

These steps returning to love are never just a one time a lifetime, nor are they just about a life. They take us through life after lifetime. And so we carry with us more and more experience until we feel that we can balance who we are in comfort. As such, what we experience is not what is given, deserved, or being punished for. It is what we are here to heal, love, forgive and balance.

Such is the nature of many illnesses. The nature of many autoimmune disorders and skin problems. The emotional energies we carry with us gather and manifest in physical ways. Not for us to suffer, but for us to focus our attention on the emotions around them. To look at those emotions within each moment and ask who we are. In that moment, are we love, or are we fear? How will I balance out this experience. What will I do to love and serve in spite of it, and because of it.

So do not worry. Do not fear. Do not doubt. You did not come to this life with failure as an option. Don't let doubt, anxiety, or chaos of the mind define who you are. Do your best and live each moment with the following question in your mind. That question is, "Is this love? Is this me?" Let these questions point your feet in a direction that feels more joyful than the last. One small step at a time you will feel your way to comfort. Until one day without your realizing how you got there you will pause with the feeling of peace and understand that you are more of who you always were. You are love, you are loved, and you have much to offer.

Live joy in your life wherever it finds you. Create it however you can. Do this and the harmony of you just being your self will be felt.

Lots of love,

Erik and Jason

November 13, 2012

Hope everyone is having a great week. Not too much going on other than Winter has come to Minnesota. This morning it was 13 degrees at the bus stop. Got to work and discovered several of my office plants were infested with thrips (bugs), so I ran around trying to fix that. I am a bit of a plant addict. I like to collect exotic and unusual plants. Between work and home, I must have around 30-40 house plants at any given time. Other than that not too much is going on. I am totally swamped with work at my job as usual. Luckily, it's a low key, low stress job. At home, I am getting ready for the holiday craziness with family. Our thanksgiving holiday usually involves over 30 people. Getting the house ready for winter; calking windows, cleaning the yard and what not. Between you and me, I am sort of dreading Christmas. I could totally do without the hussel and bussel and stick with the coco and blankets, wake me when it's over. On the spooky-friends front, not too much is going on either. I mean fairly low key. As I mentioned, I've been exploring some dream states. Had some fairly interesting experiences with possible past life, future life, and alternative life visions. I always hesitate to use the term "dream" because it's such a rigid label. I would say they tend to be more in an altered state. You know the moments between sleep and awake, or a light trance. Lucid stuff. In any case I had another one like that Sunday night, only I think this one was more symbolic of emotional junk. Although I did wake up at one point, and notice my grandmother in the room with me. That was wild, because she looks young again, and I never knew her like that. I do have some topics lined up to blog and channel for, but I am not sure when exactly I'll be able to find the time. At some point this week I am sure. A couple people in the channeling Erik community have sent me some questions. I'll try to get to them later this week. Let me know if there is a topic you would be interested in reading about, keeping in mind I don't do divination related stuff, not am I up for any facilitation right now. Doing facilitation work, for me, uses a lot of emotional energy. If I am not in the right frame of mind, prepare for it, or limit myself, I can really overdo it. Then it ends up making me somewhat ill. So far the topics I have in the que are, channeling, spirit guides, and soul groups. I also want to find the time to go through my archives and re-edit them, re-format it. Changing the design of this site, made the formatting go all wonky.

***

Tech-tip: Meeting your guides/ Spiritual communication development

A few weeks ago a friendly associate of mine; Chris, over at the Bristol Spirit Lodge in England, posted the following tip on meeting with guides, on her website. http://the-bristol-spirit-lodge.blogspot.com/

I thought it was a very useful and good piece of advise. While she meant it to refer specifically for developing physical mediumship and phenomena, I felt it also applies to mental mediumship in general. I'll quote and paraphrase what she posted: As well I slightly edited it to pertain to what I do.

Tech-tip: Meeting your guides or Angel/ Spiritual communication development

"I suggest that you sit alone quietly for 20 minutes whenever you can do this. Be quite specific about the length of time. It is often extremely helpful to develop a habit or pattern. It is important to set a time for working. Spirit needs to learn to come through promptly upon invitation, and to similarly leave when requested to do so. You need to offer them clear invitation and to make it clear when the working session is ended. Always thank them at the end of EVERY sitting, regardless of whether you feel they are there or not, or whether they have done anything or not.

Begin these 20 minute sittings with your eyes closed… within your mind, or with spoken word, invite a guide forward. The guide you are to invite forward is the primary guide that wishes to work with you for the development and demonstration of your experiences. Ask specifically for this. State this as being your purpose. If you prefer it is valid to use an angel, or family member. Your team will be be behind you both.

Become aware of the feelings upon and within your physical body, as well as attuning to your psychic senses. Then, after you have sat several times, you will become aware that some of the feelings are becoming repeated. These are the signs of your guide being with you. Depending on your current development, you may see this guide quickly, or it may take awhile. It may be external optically or clairvoyant to the minds eye. You may feel a familiarly recognized guide with you, and if this happens ask whether this familiar guide is the one that will support you with your intent to develop your experiences. If not then ask them to bring forward another, who is such.

Soon you may ‘feel or see’ a guide that may’ be the one you are wishing to make your connection with. When you are fairly sure that you are getting somewhere, ask for this guide to choose a clear sign of their reality of existence. Ask for it to become apparent to you and to be consistently unique and used, time and time again. It could be a physical manifestation, energetic, mental and even combine a sense of sensation and emotion. or a combination of all of it. Keep repeating this routine of sitting until you recognize the feelings being presented by your guide. This may take some weeks or happen right away, depending on your situation. Once your guide has learned to ‘sign in’ you know that you have a conscious energy with you that is outside of yourself. You now need to make a conscious effort to trust that the guide with you is indeed there for the purpose intended.

Now it is time to get to know them better. Ask them to show themselves to you, and to come closer to you, and to impress themselves physically, mentally and energetically upon you. This is a blending in harmony with and controlled by your spirit team and angel. It is never an obsession, overshadowing, or possession. Fear has no place. If you fear, Stop. Practice this exercise until all becomes clear to you. Then, again, practice asking them to come ‘in’ and make it clear when to leave. This control is essential. Once you are 100% confident that the spirit working with you will do as you request, further mutual understanding will develop and trust will grow upon this firm ground. Once you have formed this trusting relationship, guidance will become given by your spirit friend."

November 10, 2012

***

Being is not a state of non-doing, but a state of peace and comfort with who one is within a moment.

***

Q & A cont....

One of my closest friends asked me what I thought about several things in regard to life plans. He was asking me if my guides or angels had ever commented about coming to this life or future life to be a part of something, enlightened or otherwise. He then thought back to his childhood religious beliefs and was expressing the feeling that he didn't feel like he could compare how he saw himself with that. Either through belief, lack, or worth. He was then contemplating his understanding of something his guide mentioned, how one could choose to be a part of an experience that would allow for him to explore being a part of something. He was concerned his perception and feelings about a particular life experience was ego based and not true to how he saw himself.

A)

Interesting questions: Here are my thoughts;

Metaphysically speaking, based on what Ive read so far, the stuff I've channeled or conversations with my spirit gang; I've always felt that spirits decide to incarnate into a physical experience to try and understand their-self. On average, most come into physicality with a set of "desired themes" applied to a kind of plan or play book. Most of the time, these themes are emotional in nature. For example, self love, fear, compassion, service, healing, balance, generosity, fortitude, patience, leadership, joy, and of course all their denser more negative opposites. Many times to understand the self through each, one learns who one is through it's opposite.

Now; once decided upon..... guides and angels and family all get together and see what past, future, and alternate life energy is in play, these wishes, and they all co-create a life and a plan. They plan experiences "in general" and "in specific" with multiple avenues through which the soul can gain experience with those themes.

If for example one of your themes was "leadership and compassion" vs "apathy and selfishness" then it could be very well that you "planned" to be a part of something. A movement, a group, a specific task, etc.

Of course that's just a basic example.

If in the course of your life you feel the heart urge to explore yourself as a part of something, then it is yours to find your comfort and joy within it, or who you are in that experience. It could be that it is NOT you, and the drama you experienced and generate is simply gained experience to let you fully understand yourself in such situations. But then again, it may just be the experience that a future or past life of yours energetically needs to complete their themes of experience......or it may be that your part in that experience helps another with their experience.....or it could be the experience you wanted so that in the hereafter you can take a leadership role as a guide or some other task....our job is to choose in each moment what is and what isn't us. If it feels like us, then we have the opportunity to embrace it and create more of it. If it is not us, then we have the opportunity to let it go with love.

Of course many put a great deal of effort and time into not planning or taking baby steps in line with experience, but into worry and aspects of fear, which then builds a great deal of energetic resistance to life. Hesitation as opposed to pause. Stagnation as opposed to peace. The key to get the wheel started again is to allow yourself to take comfort with who you are in the moment. This comfort will then give us the chance to either create, or balance action, there by giving us a peace that we are perfect in that moment. This is personal freedom, and happiness. what some would call an enlightened self.

Many times we might take comfort in the simple view. How do I feel now?

As a spirit in a physical experience we are usually under a very heavy focus or filter. We agree to perceive and take part of life under certain operating rules, a system of beliefs, a group of peoples, all of this is a giant mish mash of overlaid energy and matter that we've projected our spirit through, into the illusion that we are somehow separate from all of it, and all that is. That we are blind to anothers greater reality and our own. That we must somehow find, create, or reveal it all. This is in contrast to who we are. We blind ourselves to our unity, or the light that makes up everything everywhere.

In reality it doesn't matter whether space-time is circular, linear, or a web. It doesn't matter if lives happen all at once or how many are in a soul group. Nor rule, law, or operating system. All that matters is how you understand your self, within each moment, of each experience. The heart of the matter is your heart, in all that matters. The light you carry from this, will always show you the way, and ease another's journey in your unity.

Personally You, your family and our friends have certainly eased my journey. I've found your truth has helped me see mine. Although I often am not sure what that is; I can feel it. And it feels like home. for me, at this moment. It's enough.

***

Dream experience -- Lucid -- Future life, Alternative life, or Simultaneous life?

I had another weird futuristic dream this morning. I was going to work at this lab where they were studying the quantum mechanics of thought. They had instruments to record and take images of it. Like a MRI or something, 'cept futuristic. I was just hired and I had to catch up on 8 months of reading. I got yelled at for wasting time. But there was some really interesting visuals. I was giving a talk and showing people what we did. I showed them the visual scanner. It came up on a giant monitor.

I said,

'Thought at a quantum level is made up of sub atomic particles that reside between the particles that make up matter. Each particle is shaped like a hollow bubble, and can inverse itself while in motion. It looks like a fuzzy electrical static, with course but glossy sticky textures mixed in, sort of pixel-ated. This energy skin is permeated and made up of even finer Source energy. We are trying to understand how. How this works, and how it is channeled into other forms.

These bubbles exhibit organic behaviors that are not unlike human cells. Except they also seem to respond in a semi intelligent or semi aware way similar to instinctual herd, flock, or group behaviors. They seem to be attracted to each other and build larger forms. What in the past was known as thought forms. Things people seen in their dreams. If we place our instruments in close proximity to the bubbles we can see that they seem to be repulsed by them. As if in avoidance. As you can see, they seem to create a zone of empty space around themselves that repels other energy. Almost as if it were magnetic repulsion or suspension. What is interesting though, is that if we place them near other bubbles created in proximity with them, they will flip some sort of inner switch and attract each other. We feel this field is related to dark matter energy and we are studying it's properties."

What was interesting to this dream was that it was very vivid and seemed like those other future life dream visions I've had. Like I was living it, but at the same time, viewing it from above. I woke up feeling really shocked that I would ever be a scientist.

***

Meanwhile..... Early in the morning as I was pondering all this....

My soul sister Nikki was writing to me about a weird dream she had as well.....

Nikki to Jason:

"you know it is sooo wild.

Like last night I could not fathom why i was seeing some old guy I didn't know at some computers or lab tables etc.

And then this morning I don't remember it until I read a blog that you led me to.

And it turns out the visual is a validation of a dream you had.

Eric and Earl must be so pleased with us lol. Their little puppets.

you know, you just have to wonder, if things like crabby days and weird dreams etc

are nothing more than an overflow of one of the lives into another.

Its all wild but I am willing to believe that the big picture will just blow our mind away.

I keep getting...to just frickin enjoy it. It never ends it is what it is and we should make the best of it. There are no coincidences."

---

Jason to Nikki:

"It was so weird too, cause i felt compelled to roll over and take notes in my cell phone before going back to sleep. It was weird to feel too. It sorta made me feel all drunk. Oh, and when i woke up again, i was whining for e. And he faintly energy tickled me and then i fell asleep again. If this was a vision of a future life, This would be the 3rd future type life vision ....i think...."

---

Nikki to Jason:

"well i am sure it is a concurrent life. oh cant you see the planning.

ok ill be baby Jason, deal with fear and then super medium kind of stuff, all the while I will be top notch professor keepin the science in forward motion

and thirdly Ill be a princess. "

---

Jason to Nikki:

"Ha ha, you're funny.

Does concurrent mean alternate reality or dimension? Cool

If this is concurrent....then this would be the 2nd, I've experienced.....the first was the drug one on skid row...

You know what blows my mind still..... is this whole concept of non-linear cyclical space time. And how the point of consciousness evolves with emotional contextual focus at any given point, but that really isn't the whole picture. Equally as important is who is and who else is observing that. You know, I've always sought out visuals of how the soul looks symbolically. And we've had dinner plates, hoops, webs, computers etc. Yesterday I ran across this, and Eric said it was a good one."

November 09, 2012

The growth, resonance, and evolution of the soul, is directly related to the understanding of "you"; through experience in emotional context; which is proportional to the degree of how you view, or do not view, your most limiting, or your most liberating aspect. This aspect will always set the curve for all your knowledge, point of view, and awareness; no matter how abundant your peace is with the rest of your view - of your resolved aspects. While achieving abundance and success in many parts of your life, the peace of knowing unity with the whole self, will never pull the veils illusion until you remember yourself within the walls of your darkest night. We need not be limited by missing what we fear we may lack. We can rest assured that by bravely facing who we are in every situation, every emotion, that we will gain an understanding of how high we can achieve.

***

We all come to experience something, Even if it's only to just experience the experience. Best to not worry and do the best you can.

***

You feel stuck. Perhaps it is not that there is anywhere to go or anything to do.

Perhaps is is more about giving yourself permission to be?

Do you take comfort in what you did, or fret over what you might yet do?

Is what you feel defining who you are?

Or, is how you feel about how you are defining yourself affecting who you are?

Try not to worry, do what feels like you, and of that be what feels like love.

Peace can come from this, it'll be enough to take you to that next step.

Comfort in knowing yourself in that experience.

***

There are many keys of life. One key is that of acceptance. Not of circumstance but of your allowance of presence within that circumstance. You can always change even a little bit of circumstance, but you can only allow or deny remembering yourself. This choice is a comfort or dissonance within experience to consciously be as or within the presence of who you always were or are.....its not so much becoming, growing, or remembering more or less of yourself, but finding comfort with your presence. Doing this comes from allowing or giving yourself permission to feel your worth as opposed to avoidance blindly embracing lack. In lack there is nothing to hold on to. Rather than seek purchase, allow your presence to come forward and embrace what is really you in every situation. This isn't about doing nothing its about the bravery and honesty to always choose your heart.

***

Some days, I don't feel very happy. But, then I get like that sometimes. It's my melancholy blues. A sweet sad song that calls to me uncover what's real or not. Never real, but for this cloak I pull around my chin, refusing to look out, but pleading with all my heart to feel my realness. It's a suffocating but sharp pain that dulls my senses, begging for an escape. Knowing not freedom until I am willing to let it go with no love lost. Even so, I find from time to time, I cuddle it softly like a treasured friend. For it always brings me back to myself when I would wander. In that moment I remember who I can be, remembering who I am. It's a moment when I realize there is no where to go, and nothing to do. Just simply be ok with being, me.

***

What pain I know not

drives me to an avoidance

I dare not look at.

Suffocating in unmoving unworthiness

I am blind who who I am.

The suffering of my mind

enslaves my body

and robs my soul

of unity and companionship.

Freedom comes not from release

nor war torn walls

breached in suffering.

Freedom is born of gentle

lingering glances of remembered comfort.

The peace of accepting,

the thrill of letting go,

the resonance of being.

Waiting at secret windows

hungered in waiting line

remembered with dawning presence,

Pain lingers not when looked upon,

but becomes bastions of valued experience.

Peace comes in knowing,

comfort comes in accepting,

love comes with understanding,

sharing what I value,

Healing comes with love.

***

November 08, 2012

Live like you are falling in love.

Have an affair with Doing and just Being.

Take that joy and realize a peaceful assurance that you are present.

Share it with loved ones and those who make you feel the way you want to feel.

Anything else is looking for compensation for a delusional view of lackluster worth.

***

Take comfort in what you have. Not in the things you once lacked, but that which you've always had.

They are yours forever. Speak of them as you see yourself in peace.

***

Unlooked at emotions are often accepted cart-blanch as being about ourselves. When in reality, nothing could be further from the truth. They are often simply association leaps to previous experience you have not come to conscious terms with. These uncomfortable feelings can subconsciously trigger other emotions that have been buried, can remind us of how we felt at other times in our lives. This is a cycling energy that can't usually be halted unless you take a pause and ask yourself; 1) Is this me? 2) What does this feeling make me think of? 3) What memories do these thoughts bring? 4) How did I get from this to them, and them to this? Is that memory who I am, how do I see myself now? Is this emotion warranted or something I can let go of?

It all sounds a bit convoluted I know. The point I am trying to make is that consciousness and emotions are intertwined in leaps of association based on whim, experience, or intention. This can happen on multiple levels of awareness that is innate to the construct of your soul to body energy. You can let it happen and ride it, or you can pause in the moment and understand your reflection.

***

Q & A cont....

Q)

How does the point of consciousness move through simultaneous lives and experience of the soul through all that is?

A)

The whim to understand gives birth to creative emotion through experience. This is a focal point. A view, an observation, a range of focus. In context, it is a question. The thoughts generated in association leap through creations of perception giving birth to life. Depending on understanding, through experience, consciousness is perceived.

***

Ultimately everyone has responsibility for their own spiritual journey. It's the responsibility to look within rather than to others, or something outside of the heart. How that correlates to taking responsibility to emotional reactions, responses, and expression is always going to be a subjective view as opposed to something objective you can control. It's about Balance, Chaos, Or Comfort. It's about hiding in fear, or in doing, through love. Boundaries in life whether set for the self, others, or obstacles ....are never about experiences, circumstances, or others; but are about how one looks at heart and then expresses it.

Nikki and I's favorite Angel Elle had the following to say about this topic:

"Your journey is truly your own. You have set up opportunities for experience, but those are encountered based on your free will. As I have said previously, often time there are themes or repetitive circumstances. Those are the experiences that serve our soul. They are the opportunities for us to examine who we are, who we choose to remember to be and the path we choose to follow. All paths lead to the same outcome. So there is no wrong. It is hard to remember and often seems impossible to choose the path of love and joy. The greatest awakening comes when one is faced with duality yet still chooses love. It gives a lasting impression and sets the soul on a path of great experience. Letting go of worry, fear, judgment, ego is freeing your soul. The lightness in choosing love, doing what feels best for you is an eternal outcome of love and joy. The moments of choosing love can often seem like defeat. Yet your soul will feel the joy as will all of those connected to you. You are responsible for your path, your choices and your contribution to your soul growth. Once you remember the wholeness and completeness of choosing love, it will be the consistent choice. Your choices are very much along the path of love, let go of worry and enjoy. Everyday should bring you pleasure. Your joy, your love brings us much happiness. "

***

As humans we have a tendency to label our experiences. It is often a perceptual hazard because it leads to resistance of experience as opposed to living in the moment. For example, many people really worry about what to call the energy points in their body, what ritual to use, what technique and proper method to practice. What is more useful is the actual experience and how one feels about their self within it.

***

Q & A with Nikki and Angels cont.

Nikki channels her guardian angel Elle:...

Q)

Elle, do Guardian Angels have other duties besides GA duties.

A)

I instantly got a visual of all the "lives" I have lived. Like different people in different time periods. It was all kind of stacked up (reminds me of the plate analogy Erik M. gave) and overseeing that is Elle. "we are doing so many thing concurrently, how could we have other duties." And that totally validated the answer the other day. Of course they are with us with every incarnation. Past, present, future, all at once. I then asked if decisions we make in a past life, change outcomes or experiences in a current life. She said, "Sure. Sometimes an experience will take place that changes the circumstances. You tend to dream or remember "something" that makes you change your choice. We would be very much behind this guiding." She also said, of course there are little things they do outside of GA work. She said, For instance I often ask her to contact the kids GA's and ask them for special guidance or to keep an eye on them. She said those messages are always delivered, but it takes little effort as it is a thought/energy process. All very cool. I loved the visual. For instance imagine shelves stacked on top of each other, and in that small area i could see me as little girl running around, a little boy in a field, a older woman in a city, etc. And over all of that was elle.

***

November 04, 2012

Offline for a few days. Have a great week.

November 02, 2012

"Humans place a great deal of emotional attachment to the concept of soul groups and spend a great deal of energy trying to figure out their placement in such ideas. It's not because what they discover, learn or assume is reality, but rather it's that they are approaching it from a certain perspective of lack. In reality, Spirits have a great deal of freedom of interplay. The emotions assigned to relationships in the here and after are not always as they would seem on Earth. Souls like to co-experience. Period. You'll find all sorts of intricate models of organization. Really it's pointless, because what is the point is how you feel about-- you, in context. Where is your view now? In a multi-verse of All that IS, how will you experience yourself? Do what gives you comfort, do not worry, and have no fear... People don't belong to you or you to them. You have a place in everything that is of love in all that is. It's that point that is forever special." -- voices of spirit

A balloon for every life, and a smile for every experience lifted to heaven.

Surrounded by each other, letting go is easy, 'cause we have what matters.

***

Q & A with Erik cont.....

"Does everything have a reason?"

https://sites.google.com/site/kookyspookyookyjournal/articles-faq/does-everything-have-a-reason

November 02, 2012

Terminology in Spiritual Communication:

Some of the C.E. Readers have asked me what the phrase "trans-channeling" means. There was a lot of confusion with some of the other terms they've heard about. There are many Spiritual communication terms and definitions that are with varing frequency used depending on what school of thought or beliefs one subscribes to... It's important to note... In my opinion labels, terms, and definitions are very very human. And are not always a very good indicator of context, use, or meaning as it pertains to the observer. It's better to simply examine terms before one starts talking about this stuff, because as you will see, they can mean very different things and they often sound similar. NOTE*** These are not an indication of MY practice or belief, but rather my understanding of the terms.....

***

Terms in Spiritual Communication:

In the history of Mediumship, there are many words that have been used to describe spiritual communication. Depending on what historical school of thought, practice, and what part of the world you are in, different words will be used to describe very similar practices, experiences, and techniques for spiritual communication. There tends to be overlap. There isn't really any right or wrong, but rather it's often a good idea to be conscious of the term you are using.

For example.

*** Keyword term: "Trans-Channeling"

It is more of a modern new age word, that incorporates different levels of traditional Spiritualist and Spiritist methods of deep trance physical and mental mediumship. For example: Channeling always comes in a very broad spectrum of activities and experiences and symptoms both to the observer and the experiencer. *Some of which are: mental mediumship, clairaudience, clairvoyance, clairsentience or one of the other clairs, telepathy, direct voice, transfiguration, deep trance channeling, aports, materialization's, and other physical mediumship.

The new term "trans-channeling" is a modern phrase for a conglomeration of several of these modalities happening to the medium at once. And as such is never just one type of experience, but very often a combination. At it's most common, it is where the medium's body and energy is blended with a portion of the entities energy and data is exchanged in some way. Very often this is very similar to deep trance physical mediumship, only the medium is not necessarily unconscious or absent, but can be. Also as opposed to traditional physical mediumship where materialization and what not is also being demonstrated, the trans-channel is not tied down. The medium is usually under lights and is up walking around.

clairaudience and clairvoyance is a modality of Telepathy

Channeling is a modality of the clair abilities

"Trans-channeling" Is a form of channeling, very often a form of deep trance (aka altered state of consciousness) in combination with others...

All of which, can be done in "Trance-channeling" which is related to, but not the same thing as Trans-channeling....

Trans channeling is sort of a sub set or way of describing channeling energy from higher level beings. You are transforming a portion of their energy. Because they have so much of it, that yes in many cases depending on the experience and power level of the entity, if they were to completely try and blend with yours, your physical body would literately burn up.

Now, take an average joe smoe spirit, for example, One can enter a deep trance state (unconscious) and the medium's consciousness steps back and lets the spirit use their body.. But that's not "trans-channeling" That's deep trance channeling.

If you are a mental medium and if you talk with your GA, Mary, And Arch angels, you are simply having a telepathic or clair----- communication, because you are a mental and-or physical medium. You don't need to go into deep trance, because you have no need to, nor are you trying to enable physical phenomena. But you are "Technically" trans channeling them in the sense of this new word; as you are touching a portion of their energy. In my judgement as a researcher and medium... trans channeling does not have to entail unconsciousness or the stepping aside of consciousness, only a blending of energies. It is always a range of blending. The deeper you go, the more energy you are enmeshed with, the more your consciousness steps to the side held by your spirit team and GA. This process and experience is very closely related to physical mediumship and elements of each overlap. It really depends on the intent, practice, and phenomena displayed and who is involved.

When Jamie and Robert walk around AS Erik... They are doing a form of "Trance channeling" which comes in a broad spectrum of experiences to the practicing medium. The level of conscious awareness of the medium can fluctuate in and out depending on what the mediums spirit team does.

There is a lot of technical debate out there in the various mediumistic schools of thought... just good to keep in mind when discussing labels and human terms.

November 01, 2012

An interesting experience I had last night:

As you may know I was raised in an extremely strict conservative evangelical Protestant church. Trying to talk about it with people who are unfamiliar with that sort of theology is often difficult because they simply can't imagine that type of lifestyle or belief system. To me, it was full of control and fear. To my eyes, basically if you did not toe the line, believe what you were told, you were going to burn in hell. One of the big no no's in that church was talking about or paying much attention to anything angelic. Basically the only thing permissible was God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. Anything else was rampant idolatry. So while I personally didn't believe their beliefs, 20 or so years of daily indoctrination did leave it's emotional toll in gut reactions to others beliefs. Of which when I started this spiritual journey of mediumship was anything Angel related. I just didn't want to hear it. I wasn't interested. Funny, as it would turn out, it's one of the easiest types of entities for me to communicate with. Although to be honest, it still sort of wigs me out...(chuckle)... so I don't usually focus on reading my GA (guardian angel), although I frequently channel him and other angels. You can read many of their messages on this site.

Last night as part of my regular experiment to direct my dreams as per earlier blog entries, I set my dream intention to dream of Angels.

Late in the night, I guess about 4 am ish or about..... I became aware that I was dreaming. My dreams took on this super vivid quality. I found myself greeted by two senior citizen aged spirits of people I went to church with when I was a child. I remembered their names and greeted them.. but for the life of me, now, I can't remember the names.... I think the lady's name was Peggy. Not sure. I do remember her and her husband though, vividly. And for some reason, I've thought about them every blue moon. It's kind of odd because I've literally done everything I could to forget the trauma, hurt and pain I got from those church experiences. So while I was pondering this, my vision switched and it was sort of as if someone was instructing me. Nothing linear was happening, but it was like I was getting bombarded with downloaded information, visuals and a mishmash of of cinematic dream images that happened to me, as I watched it all. Whoever was teaching was showing me that All religions were valid paths on the return to the self. And that all had those who could be considered mystics, or mediums. Those who actively and consciously channeled spirit from outside their self. Only many did not know it, recognize it as such, nor would their beliefs and theologies allow for it. But these are human conditions. It matters not to Angels. It was then I realized I was talking to an Angel. They said, we are not constrained by human thought, action, or belief. We give you what you need, not what you think you is real. We conform to your thoughts of what is and do our jobs whether or not you know it or not. We manifest as you expect, and show ourselves in a way that you will personally identify with. How you perceive this doesn't matter. We hold you regardless. What to one is the voice of an ancestor, to another is prayers to God, to another is the words sparking feelings from a Holy book. We channel inspiration to you regardless of your form. What is law, what is rules, what is literal to you, is our subjective guidance helping you create your objective reality. Then I saw Peggy again. She sat down in my old church and she had others surrounding her, and she had a Bible open on her lap, in what appeared to be a generic bible study in a typical Sunday school or bible study class in an average American church. Only this time, the environment around her started to change. My vision zoomed down to her. And the Angel said., look. She is a medium though she knows it not. She is filled with Spirit. It comes through her words, her eyes and vision are lost in heavens light, the soul fly's, and others listen. Such is the history of mankind. Then my vision changed again and I zoomed down into the bible she held. And I seemed to fly through it and come out in a room without walls, without ceiling, without floor. It was like I was in the middle of grey cloud. And my vision was lost to the distant dark space. In front of me was a book. Only it wasn't a Bible. It was a giant book. But it looked really really weird. I moved closer and it was almost as if it was made of clay or stone. Only it had parchment like qualities. And it sort of looked scroll like,.. The best way I can describe it, as a weird cross between a computer monitor, a clay tablet, and a parchment rolled up scroll... except I knew it was a hologram. It was projected. I could run my hand through it and it sparkled with energy. But when I just looked at it, it appeared solid. It rested on this slab that reminded me of an alter. Only the alter of stone or whatever it was; was made up of rolling clouds and rested on a river or stream of clouds that ran under me, behind and ahead into the unseen distance, and it rolled with eddies and whirl pools and fog. Almost as if I looked at it close enough I'd see stuff. From the river these tentacle like things made of energy reached up and around and behind me and seemed to run and trail along my head, neck and back as if they were caressing and filtering my aura. It sort of felt like they were licking me. It felt sort of wet. I could actually feel it on my hair in bed. I sort of felt like I was being read or studied. I turned my gaze back to the book/scroll and it unrolled as my hands touched it's edges. It was as big as my head and torso. As I let my gaze run from the top down. I saw that there was writing on it. Only in a language and letters I have never seen before. I work at a university and I have never seen an alphabet like this before. It was like a combination of cuneiform, Greek letters, and Arabic script with pictographs mixed in. And the letters moved of their own accord. And as I moved my eyes down the sheet, each line I came to would flare with gold-yellow light and then fade as I passed. Heat seemed to be in the flare of light as the air around it would shimmer like the sun an as it left the line above the letters would glow like molten coals.

It was then I woke up as if I had never been asleep. I was totally exhausted like I had been working all day long, and hadn't slept a wink. I had a sore throat too. And I started reliving it in amazement as if it was the days memory and it just happened. It was totally weird. And all morning long on my way to work I kept hearing the word, "Gatekeeper Guide" in my head.

***

Sometimes we hope for life. Sometimes we long for death. In between we often struggle to love greater than we fear. I often think that its only when we give up struggle, not because we are apathetic, but because we remember, there is noting to fight. We simply are. Its then we realize, that hope and longing are just desires beside the drive to simply be.

***

A lot of times in life, the biggest successes of life come from simply listening to someone, sharing your stories. Its that intimacy without expectation, where fear can be let go of and love embraced. Its being in the moment with each other. Thats the stuff thats gonna create change.

***

As Yoda said, do or do not. There is no try. These though don't matter as much as being honest with yourself over which choice you make.

***

When pondering what to make of tomorrow, consider yourself today. What action can you take in this moment that feels like who you want to be tomorrow? Then, what you do or don't do about it, is who you are.

***

Always think about how you can let those you love know it. And at the end of the day that's all that matters.....People just wanna know that through darkness, they will never be alone.....In this light, They'll be free and safe to return love.... It's these little things that people live for. It's that unconscious feeling, that hidden Knowing tomorrow never dies. Even when it feels like IT might....Whatever life brings you. Pain or joy....know the little things you send are always felt. They mattered. They still do......Just know.....that though, perhaps for some.....hugs were not felt in YOUR time, However you see it.... they, eventually, always are......So whatever pain they couldn't share. Whatever life was given away, what love couldn't seem to return......It will be felt.......Its all these little things we share that help keep us. Never ever believe your love wasn't and isn't felt. It mattered then, it matters now. And your love does and has always made a huge difference in everyone you touched. Even with those you've not physically held.

***

Truth is not so important as to how you feel about your experience. It's this, that you feel, that is your personal truth. Though, it can take a life time or more to realize that this is neither right nor wrong. It's just experience.

***

Random Musing:

Sometimes I think about what I am going to say to people I've met around the world who seem to eagerly look for answers or communication from Spirit. What I mean by that is I've always found it somewhat hard to feel the excitement or anticipation. I never got into all this woowoo junk because it interested me or I wanted to get into it. I got into it because I thought I was going mad OR being haunted in the worst way. I got into it because I thought I had to for survival. Later on, as my experiences progressed, I stayed in it, because at times I had to stay, or was expected to, or that I owed ? someone to stay. But never ever did I think or feel that I sought anything out. I had always felt I had to pass through it, because it was done to me. And when I reached a point that I no longer felt that way, and or made peace with my new world view, I didn't know how to get out of it. While my beliefs had changed and how I saw myself had changed, my perception of not being especially interested or not wanting that sort of life prevailed. And so I didn't know how to share this with people without seeming rude or blowing them off. That's not to say, intellectually such things are not interesting or that I can now help what I experience or reject it. It's simply to say, that often when one starts exploring spirituality in the context of spirit communication, the paranormal, or metaphysics, that society often tends to assume and expect that people follow through with it as some kind of career or lifestyle choice. I've never felt like that was me per say. Such things never really interested me, and still largely do not. I remember hearing things like... oh Jason, you can help so many people; you should write a book; teach; etc.' and I would look at them in disbelieve and pout.... 'but I don't want to... I just want to be left alone... and go back to my quiet, happy, comfortable, enjoyable life. I had worked very hard to get to that point, and this whole spirit thing totally threw a monkey wrench in it. You see, for me.... Channeling is not really that fun all the time. It often makes me feel slightly crazy. Like there is a fist in the middle of my head opening and closing. There's this fine line of accepting with unwavering faith that your disassociation of thought isn't your own, and that emotions, mental imagery, symbolism rides not only this life, past life, future life, but others as well. To truly survive as a medium one often has to treat it like a professional marathon runner. It can be a lot of hard work. Or, it can ride you. For me, I can't really turn it off. But at the same time, I feel like I don't get to choose how and what I experience, although there is some of that. Discernment, perception, perspective, belief and feelings are everything. Symbols within symbolism. And when you throw in family, work, and life in general, it can be quite overwhelming at times. So much so, that for me, long periods of escape have been needed to step away from it all.