Obsessive feelings

I was thinking earlier this morning about feelings. Feelings that become obsession or at the very least we mentally beat ourselves up for thinking them and just hate feeling them. We think we are super-freaks and totally broken. We don't know where the hell these come from and we don't know what to do with them. I don't think it matters where those feelings come from. They could be about anything. But one things for certain. The root cause of them is most likely buried inside us as a perception of how we feel about ourselves. What is buried is the remembrance of what we are trying to understand about ourselves and why.

I am not sure it matters when feelings turn into obsession, what the feeling is about. I think what matters is making the move to get unstuck. Part of life is about asking questions about yourself in experience. Part of getting stuck is something that prevents you from finding a calm center to look back inside yourself at the root cause of a feeling, and exploring it. So, I've often thought that most obsession is really about not making a choice. Either consciously or unconsciously. You hate, you don't like, you don't know, you feel lost, you hurt. This is an unconscious choice that hovers on self awareness. Not quite peeking over. Your chest tighten in desire to ask why why why, but you never quite seem to move from why to how, when, what, who am I then? And am I ok with that? Is this who I am?

I also don't think that these obsessive responses or choices ever really go away. Some people just have more drive for self discovery than others. But I think that it always represents a choice. Am I going to allow myself to stay and wallow in this pain without exploring it, or am I going to get busy and figure it out. And then once I suspect, see, or hit upon the root cause of this feeling, what am I going to do about it. More choice.

This is where people can then get stuck again. They see and are now aware of the root cause of the unwelcome feelings, but they don't know what to do with it, or they don't want to explore it and bring it forward for further examination. They let it sit, until they forget and lapse back to the easy path of self pain. Again more choice. I think all this is a choice. Am I now going to consciously express what I've uncovered. Am I going to do the work to remind myself of who I am in the presence of knowledge of the root cause. And most importantly is this root cause who I am? And it is OK? Sometimes it IS OK. And where you are at is just fine. Then it becomes a matter of acceptance. More choice.

Always choice.