May 2012
May 31, 2012
Something I've asked myself today:
** What can I learn from how I used to believe?
** What feeling (not experience) from the past would I create now? Is there anything I can do to enable that now?
** What from the past is worth repeating right now? What does that say about me? Is that part of who I am? If it's not, do I need it? Can I let go of it?
** If I feel uncomfortable, is there anything in the past that is creating an expectation or discomforting feeling. Is it realistic to expect such a cause in this very moment? If it's not in this very moment is my expectation or believe valid in relation to my present experience?
May 31, 2012
I had the thought; that some people like me are fond of tearing things down before they can make something new in their life. And then I had the thought; instead of analyzing or judging it, I might just realize that there are better ways of operating.... and I can just let go of that sort of thing and just build something new. That I don't have to focus so hard on what I don't like and obliterate it or cry it out of existence. To just let it go and move on. Then I had the thought, it's hard to let go when your in the throws of things. Then I heard, 'its not about surrendering to or obsessing about what I am feeling or what mood I am in. It's about letting go of what you can't do and refocusing on what I can do. And then I heard, I've done an ok job of that. I keep coming back and trying, never mind what I feel. Just focus on what I can do, and don't judge the feelings I don't like.
meh.....
Don't ask me why I have diarrhea of the brain... Sometimes, I feel like I can't get my head to shut off ... ha ha...
brain poop.(Erik). ha ha...
runny thoughts.(Erik).. giggle...
I told this to a friend who responded with,
'For me it depends on the momentum I have behind the feelings or energy I'm feeling. Sometimes I cry to let go of that nasty momentum I have built up that feels like cement shoes. Sometimes the only way I can let go of the "what I don't like" thoughts is to cry and surrender them, like a kettle releasing steam. I think it depends on when I switch course from a momentum; if the momentum is really strong in the "What is I don't like" vein, I have to purge by crying. I need to remember that also; not judging the feelings I have that I don't like. I like your diarrhea of the brain; I benefit from it.'
--- Thanks for helping sort this out Erik!
(he responded with, "don't forget to wipe")
May 30, 2012
I was cleaning up some web pages and noticed something Erik once told me, that really struck me as being needed to be remembered in my own life. He said to me,
"Don't pray for an easy life, release, relief or intervention. Pray for the inspiration, motivation, creativity, strength and positivity to grow from life.---Erik"
May 24, 2012
I often find that I let my incarnational life, 3d earth life perceptions take over and distract me from the point of living life on a soul level. I know on the one hand that there is no right or wrong to how I choose to life life. What I do, say, or in fact believe about life. But on the other hand, I do think that there are choices that have a big impact on how easy or hard my experiences feel. Some will put me on a path of long experience through even more life times, and others will be short and maybe even release me from that sort of experience. And I know my interactions with others play a big role not just in my own experience but in others plans as well. I often think I need to remind myself of what Erik once said to me, "Other peoples shit doesn't have to be any of your business, and what they think about you, isn't." But also, I think that while I don't have to react to others that I can thank them for letting me close enough to engender a feeling in me in that it can help me understand a little bit more about who I am or who I am not. And making that choice can help me move on to something more, more choices about life.
Even so, I know I get frustrated with life. I often catch myself acting like a petulant child who doesn't want to play any more. Who want's to be done and go home, and damn anyone else who says yeah or nay. I am not sure it's laziness or not being grateful. But what I am sure of is that these feelings are engendered and sometimes even encouraged so that I can learn spiritual perspective in a physical setting. Through these odd mini fits, I get the opportunity to see if I am going to react to life with knee jerk reactions or pause, go within, and think about what not only I came to learn, but what I want to explore about myself. To see if I can allow myself to get distracted or whether or not I am able to buckle down and take ownership of who I am, who I am choosing to be through acting on my emotions.
I know that whether or not I choose to dwell on positive feelings or to roll and wallow in negative feelings that either is a valid choice, but what I choose I will have to live with any consequences that come from them. But there is a lot to learn in either choice, although some of those choices will be harder to deal with. I know I don't have to be bonded to any one lesson, experience, or circumstance or even feeling. I can move on to other things. But what I do have to do is feel. Feel my way through life. To deny feelings through the experience is to slowly suffocate on an un-life. It's only when I feel my way to A choice that I catch my breath to go within and start making choices again. And in fact it's not just the choices that is the point... It's that all this gets us to ask more questions about ourselves!
The world around me will not only tell me what I should and shouldn't feel, do, say, or be, but it will reflect back to me what I am. And if I am in conflict or turmoil that is what I will be shown. What's funny about this though.. Is that this is but one side of a place of duality or shall we say contrasts. On the other hand, so much of life is preplanned in that we and our friends in spirit creates lives in which we live, experience and pass through that which is the opposite of who we are. We do this so that we can choose to live, or be who we really are in spite of, despite, or because of what we experience. It becomes more about learning to define ourselves in any situation or creation or choice.
And no matter what happens, I have the right to say, 'That's me, or that's not me. '
May 24, 2012
One thing I thought of this morning is that I am always amazed at the independent nature of spirits to present themselves in a self assertive way on their terms, as equal entities, individualistic, and unique personalities on their own terms, regardless of my wishes, desires, and even demands. And they manage to do it in respectful and kind ways, even if its in a way I don't expect. For example, i often find myself asking for communication in specific ways only to have nothing happen. Then when i let go of it, they respond in often surprising ways, some even so mundane its shocking, but bluntly on their terms.....sometimes its refreshing and humbling, other times frustrating.....
***
Ever notice how too many traumatic experiences, too much emotion, too much drama screws with the feel of linear time, sense of place and continuance? You wonder how so much could happen on so little time; That's because time really is meaningless, depending on the observers perception. It's not about energy into or within time, its how open to observing and feeling you are that controls the perception of distance in space and that moves your reference point. It's that movement which controls what we feel of time.
***
Its a very natural human train to avoid or destroy that which is found fearful that which separates up from others or ourselves. If we can embrace, love, and understand it, if not from experience, but even incarnational karma, via future and past lives what we fear no longer becomes fearful, but a tool of perception, not defining us but adding to experience. We don't have to chase after it, but to not deny, or reject what we fear gives us opportunity to work out, explore, and delve into our available choices and perhaps create new outcomes.
May 23, 2012
As you can see, I am mucking about with the layout of the pages a bit. Putting the list of archives front and center, as opposed to a blog format. I think that may be better so that people who don't know what's going on can start at the begining.
I am finally getting to a spot at home, where I feel like I have a handle on the garden and home life. Spring is always crazy. I think I've got the garden down to where I will only have to spend 30-45 min a day in it. Right now I am going through some wicked tmj jaw joint facial pain. For almost a week now, I can't bite down all the way my jaw is so swollen. I am fairly certain it's from grinding my teeth in my sleep and poor ergonomics at work. It doesn't hurt unless I try and force my teeth closed, but it's uncomfortable, and I can't chew food or talk without discomfort. I had a funny spiritual experience this past weekend. Over the weekend, I had a bit of a stress induced freakout, where I literally was telling people, 'either no one talk to me, and leave me the hell alone or I am gonna run down the street and set something on fire'.... not really, but you get the gist. So I also got into a pretty pissy mood with the spirit gang. You may think that sounds nutty as hell, but what I don't tell you is that they never listen. They, in various forms, numbers, and presence are always around, in and out whether I want it or not. To get them to 'leave' to where I can't sense them, I have to get pretty damn mean and pitch a fit. Even then they tend to go for the last word. So that was my state of mind Sunday I think, and I lay in bed thinking.... 'yes... I am free!" .. um...nope... I look off at the corner, and watch this mass of colored fog, lights and orbs coalesce and wink in and out of thin air, pause, and then go through the wall. As if to say, you can bitch all you want, but we are not going anywhere..... sigh.....oh oh..... and I think it was Monday, this week I was talking to Sherry on the phone, and all of a sudden my smart phone switches to speaker phone! and I literally could not turn it off! My phone froze that way, and every button I pushed did nothing.... at which point Erik tells Sherry that he was fuckin with my phone and laughing....All of which made me think back to Todd on CE one time asking me about why Erik doesn't type on our electronics.... My answer these days is, some are perfectly capable of it, it's just that unless it amuses them or serves a purpose, they are not going to interfere, and in my experience on their terms. Also in my experience, the more we want something for reasons they deem trivial or not inline with our higherself's personal plan or others, the less likely they are to do what we want. Even should what we want seem logical, in our best interest, or beyond our present understanding or even present life understanding. I also believe a lot of spiritual and life experience will only be able to be understood after we die.
On another note. I am a voracious reader, who likes many many genres of books. I usually have a handful or more book open at once and I jump from book to book. Although of late, I've not done much reading due to lack of time. But here is a list of what I am currently reading on my kindle:
Title, Author, Date
Circus of the Damned Hamilton, Laurell K. May 22, 2012
Works of H. P. Blavasky 31 Illustrated Books w/ links Blavasky, Helena P. May 22, 2012
Astral Projection Within 24 Hours - Easy Guide to Astral Projection If Nothing Else Has Worked Before Q., Quentin May 22, 2012
Mastering Self Attunements Gabrielsen, Ole May 22, 2012
Your Soul's Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born Schwartz, Robert May 7, 2012
The Afterlife Explorers: Vol. 1: The Pioneers of Psychical Research Tymn, Michael April 20, 2012
The Witching Hour (Lives of the Mayfair Witches) Rice, Anne April 19, 2012
The Vampire Lestat (Vampire Chronicles) Rice, Anne April 5, 2012
Akashic Records: Case Studies of Past Lives Wetzel, Lois April 2, 2012
Guide to OBE & Astral Projection: Astral Projection Secrets Revealed Ammon-Wexler, Dr. Jill April 1, 2012
A Guide to Spirit Healing Edwards, Harry March 15, 2012
The Seth Material Roberts, Jane March 3, 2012
Same Soul, Many Bodies Weiss, Brian L. March 3, 2012
Dying to Be Me: My Journey from Cancer, to Near Death, to True Healing Moorjani, Anita February 29, 2012
May 17, 2012
As Facebook grows, millions say, 'no, thanks'
http://news.yahoo.com/facebook-grows-millions-no-thanks-073535378--finance.html
By ANICK JESDANUN | Associated Press
I think this is a really good article, that sums up a lot of my feelings about facebook. I've tried facebook and myspace and other related category of social media / membership sites several times in different ways and have personally found similar reasons why I don't care for them. I am having trouble putting my finger on what it is about this "category" of social media I dislike as opposed to blogs and websites. In the FB category I disliked feeling like I was trying to micromanage my identity and product while navigating my way through separate groups of people that I didn't want mixing. For example, work, family, and various groups of friends. I also disliked the pressure when I felt like I had to keep up with everyone or risk offending them, or being subject to all their content. Not that I didn't value it, but more that it was the format that the software gave it to me. I found the time required to manage it to my liking and use it took time away from what I'd rather be doing, and with no hours added to the day, I felt stressed to find time. Where as with blogs and websites, I could book mark it or get the feed and look at it, when I wanted to, and present it to myself on my terms and schedule. Also I had the usual privacy concerns. With blogs and sites, I feel more free and less expectation, more individual to be creative on my terms as opposed to a structure and form presented to me. There is something about this specific category of social interaction that really bugs me. Maybe it's just my beef with Facebook..
That said, I am not shunning social media, just that category of membership site. For example, for the past 10 years or so, I've always been extremely active in web forums, as well as creating my own blogs and sites. Here is my latest in sharing my daily trivial interests (blog): http://gardenofunicorns.blogspot.com/
May 15, 2012
Totally random back track entries:
(A couple of weeks ago)
So i just got off the phone with sharon. She told me she saw a medium today who went by they name of, 'sky fire'....and so i started giggling and told her that we should come up with 'new age names' or 'nick names' for each other! So laughing, she asked me what my animal totem and aura color were. I told her, so my new nick name is Blue Bear!! Hahaha.... I told Robert and Erik started making dirty jokes about it.
Then I told another friend, who then asked me,
"How do you know your animal totem and aura color?"
My response was:
'One meets their animal totem via shamanistic journey/ trance state or clairvoyance. There are several types. 1) a thought form that is created out of your energy as a conscious mirror of your focus. 2) a spirit animal that is aligned or attracted to you 3) An entity that chooses to manifest as an animal 4) a conscious nature entity that appears as animal based on your emotions.
Mine tends to manifest as a mama grizzly bear. Been with me off an on since a child. Dreams, clairvoyance, astral. In my case I think it is a thought form that is a part of my soul. It first manifested when I was a child and periodically shows in dreams. I can interact with it like a guide.
I know my aura color because an angel and Eric told me. It just means healer I think'
***
The other day I was emailing my friend Nikki and I said to her:
"So, do you then think that allowing ourselves to really feel emotion without acting upon it or suppressing it as per that book is one of the points off what we've gone through, ie grief, fear, self love, hate, anger, all that stuff...instead of stuffing it away or acting on it...do, did, work it out, talk about, write, feel it et al, is whats gonna heal us all so we can move on and learned it enough to do other things now? You know, like finally learning how to love myself, and channel emotion into positive healing, learning how to share without harm, learning to love pain and let it go...or ummm......
She replied with,
"I do think that is the point. feel, embrace it let it go knowing you are more and it was for that purpose you chose to be put in that position. WE can't know duality without it. I think we have both had plenty to deal with and I think its time we embrace our awesomeness."
Made me think...... mmmmmm... Embrace your awesomeness...... new mantra for life.!
***
Recently Nikki's guardian angel said the following to her, that I thought was a nice message:
"We have to remember nothing is written in stone. Free will can and does change outcomes. For those that planned some sort of experience, that is for them to deal with. It is their journey. We cannot worry about the future, we can live our lives and know that our higher self is always looking out for us. What we may fear or worry about may in fact be the awesomeness we desire. I truly believe a positive outlook and acts in the name of love can move mountains. Never doubt the power of love."
May 14, 2012
I've found some of the content on this site to be very interesting: www.multidimensionalman.com/Multidimensional-Man/Life_after_death_-_a_description_of_the_afterlife.html
Also check out Linda's newest article: Conditioned Mindset vs Abundance Oriented
As for me, I am still communing with nature, home, and hearth..... AKA mad gardening! Here is a section of my 40 foot vegetable patch. I was notified today at work that my 10 raspberry plants and 20 asparagus plants had arrived on my door step. So that combined with tearing out all the sod you see below, is what I'll be doing the next week. All that junk you see in the back of this photo has since been cleared out and is now where potatoes reside. The other day I asked Erik if he'd ever gardened, he said, "umm... it's been a while"... that said, I don't comunne with anyone so far out there except me myself and the dog. Which is fine, if they got in my way, I tend to sling mud and grass at them. :)
May 10, 2012
I am just about totally wore out from planting my vegetable garden! (Zone 4 USA). I think my shoulders are frozen and my arms will fall off. Yesterday after dealing with the lawn and general yard work, I started back in on the garden plots. I've got my herb bed done. 4 types of oregano, 5 types of basil, 2 types of sage, tarragon, 3 types of mint, 2 types of parsley, cilantro, 3 types of thyme, 2 types of chives, 3 types of onions, curry plant, borrage, lovage. I also finished a bed full of 2 types of carrots, eggplants, and 5 types of peppers. And I finished a bed with 9 types of tomatoes. I have 3 more beds to prepare and plant. Plus 2 additional ones for asparagus and berries. Before I plant, I clean it of weeds and maple seeds, then I add manure, compost, lime, perlite, etc., mix it all up. Stake the plants with supports. I also have to dig a lot of sod for flower beds surrounding it all and manage 4 composers. I hope to get to the rest of it this weekend. Brussel sprouts, Tomitillos, cucumbers, peas, beans, radishes, parsnips. This year I am going to try and stay all organic. So I am doing insect repelling companion plantings. I even have a mason bee hive to encourage pollinators, and I'll use grass clippings for mulch. A lot of work I know, but really it's only 2 months of work, and the rest of the year it's about enjoying it. Not too many people garden in my area. In fact I can only think of a handful of people in a 5 mile radius that even have a garden. Most people just go to the farmers market or don't bother with anything other than cutting their grass. Personally if I can avoid the grocery store in the summer, all the better! I even bought 2 caners to store all my produce. What I am looking forward to the most is the asparagus plants! I love to drizzle them with salt, olive oil, pepper, and shavings of lemon rind, wrapping them in tin foil and throwing them on the barbecue. YUM
May 08, 2012
My friend Nikki said the following to me, that so resonated with me that I wanted to share it with you all.
" Its ok to feel, to feel every emotion possible. Not only is it OK, it is awesome if you "let" yourself. The more we allow the more we gain. But in the end we are the love, light, comfort that we are drawn to. The angels, masters, teachers and loved ones are just a reminder that it exists within us. The sooner we realize that NO MATTER WHAT (this is the hard part) we are love and light and connected to God. The tricky part is accepting that. Truly believing it and relying on it.
And if I take a step back and accept that I KNOW it has in fact worked out just as it is suppose to, I can for that moment be content and happy.
What is problematic is the ego. Because that three letter word does not like being wrong, and if I accept all is going as planned I admit I was wrong in wanting/expecting a different outcome. WE want what we want because we think we know what is best. But really our higher self, our soul knows a whole lot better what is best. I can only think of the times I went to baskin robbins with my dad. He would encourage me to try new icecream flavors. Even if it was only a little taste on those tiny little spoons. I LOVED that bright pink, sugary bubble gum flavor and highly suspected nothing would compare. My ego thought it knew what was best. But my soul knew that once I tried something with toffee and nuts and caramel I would in fact have found something spectacular. Had my dad not allowed me or the store been out of the Bubblegum flavor I would thought the visit was catastrophic. When in fact the unexpected would have been the best outcome. We think we know what we want. But only our soul knows what is best. It is fear of change and the unkown, a true lack of trust in higher self that prohibits us from accepting what is as always being the best outcome."
Also, Something she and Eric have taught me recently,
How do we let go of what we think was,
When we don't know what may be.
How do we let go of what may have been,
When we don't know what has been.
How do I let go of what thoughts I know not,
and just honor what memory remains.
What remains of those memories,
I hold onto with love.
Everything else was never mine to hold onto.
May 07, 2012
A very wild crazy week and weekend for me on the home front. For starters it's rained almost every day for the past week. Followed by heavy rain storms this weekend. In between life was full of frantic efforts to work on the house such as gutter and roof repairs. Cleaning up the property, and working in the garden. And when I wasn't doing that I was at a family event or gathering of one form or another; never mind going into work. But, I am very pleased with my garden so far. I have about 40 different types of herbs and vegetables started and many flowers. Built a 40 foot fence for it, and have started plans to create a shady rain garden near the berry brambles and a sun garden along the back of the property. This weekend I had my 2 year old nephew staying with us. I had totally forgotten how they can get into everything. I was forever following him around.... 'don't eat that rock', don't pull all the books off the shelves, don't eat that plant...as I suddenly recall what is poisonous and what's safe...... whew..... I think I have two more weeks of intensive labor before I can sit back and enjoy it all. :)
On a different note. My Spirit mentor and guide Z dictated an article through Linda recently,
"Why Ignorance is really Bliss"
And Linda wrote a new article titled, 'Bringing it all together'