January 2011

Jan. 30, 2011

I had a very weird last night coming off what I thought was a fairly good productive day. I was super tired and drained though at bed time. But for some reason my mind would not shut down. I lay in bed and pondered the days activities and phone discussions. And I was contemplating specifically 2 things. 1) how we should always state what we want to happen, NOT what we don't want to happen. That we should always actively seek to hold the most positive intent to our thoughts for the best possible outcome. 2) I was contemplating the differences between myself, Robert, and other mediums I know about. Specifically how we SEE and Sense Spirits. You know, the various "clairs" vs/ our body's external senses. And then some of the "Gang" come in and Emily climbs up next to me in bed with a coloring book. And she is moving around a lot. First laying on her belly coloring, the moving to sitting up against the head board. And I turned to her and grabbed a coloring book (in my minds eye via higher self). And I asked her about all this. I said, "Do you think I am a freak. How come I sense the way I do as opposed to other sensitives? She said, "No, you're assuming you know what is or isn't normal. You're basing your judgments on perceptions for which you don't have all the information. Everyone is normal, everyone is Special and Unique. Everyone's a creation of themselves so everyone's gonna SEE spirit differently. There is no right or wrong, only different. What matters is what you do about it and how you deal with it." And then she just kept coloring. I don't know why it didn't phase me. She's been manifesting more ever since Robert went to the hospital. And I just ignored her and turned over.

I still couldn't sleep. I got up at ate something. Prob. a mistake. Then I tried to go back to bed at 1:30am. No go. I got congested and had to take something for it. I moved to the couch thinking a change in mattress might engender some snoozes. No go. So I lay there. And of course my mind started wandering. Of course Erik and Lydia pop in and take the opportunity to talk "emotions and feelings" resolution. The topic of which was nothing you've not heard from me before. In any case I ended up feeling re-centered in what was a good emotional spot. So I moved back upstairs at 3 am.

Then at 3:45 I woke up from a disturbing lucid dream or astral return to my body. I am not sure. Who knows, I am willing to have it be nothing but crap. But here's how it went down.

At some point I became aware that I was dreaming. And I liked it. I was dreaming of a childhood buddy of mine telling me how much fun it was to take a running leap and jump on the bed. Now in this life he an me parted ways do to school changes and never acquainted. But in this dream this is all I recall. But I know that I was thoroughly enjoying our conversation. Then my dream changed. All of a sudden I seemed to be back in my childhood bedroom, but NOT. It was weird. I felt totally comfortable in it. I was laying in bed in the total dark. I wasn't afraid at all. Which is weird because until about 2 or three months ago I was afraid of being in the dark alone. Then I felt like there was someone in the bed with me. But I couldn't' tell who. But they felt like they belonged there.

So I lay there, and I happened to be talking to them. You know like little kids do in the dark. And then all of a sudden the room starts to change. It was subtle. It turned kinda gray, and hazy.Not quite smoky but it had an "other" quality to it. It grew slightly lighter. I could see the door. Still no fear. Then all of a sudden the door started shaking. Slight at first. I noticed it and my attention focused. The door then started rattling. Like someone was trying to open it. Then all of a sudden it took on an urgency. And really started shaking. At that point I became alarmed and fully realized I was in some kind of conscious altered state. And I tried to call out in alarm. And right as my voice started to take shape and I heard my throat moan out an alarmed "NO!"; The door burst open and a figure lurched out into the room, one hand still on the door; back lit by light. At that moment I woke up, fully awake and aware.

Upon further reflection, That figure looked like Erik. I KNOW he and Lydia were involved because I could "Feel" them next to my bed. The air felt thicker and was touching me. But that was beside the point. I was totally pissed now and in a bad attitude. Because earlier in the night I told Lydia I was too tired and out of it to do my usual grounding and connection to spirit techniques. And she said it was ok, that she would take care of it. In addition you know my lingering resentment of them and Erik and myself, to the degree that we all allowed the so called paranormal to manifest in a fear based fashion in my life to bring me to this point. So rather than examine the vision-dream for symbolic or other meaning, I immediately switched to "I am so mad at you".

The last lucid dream was a combination out of body experience and astral travel, and it was not fun. I dealt with my shadow self and it was really frightening. It was a lesson. And I felt put out due to how tired I was, that I was not in the mood for a lesson or to figure out some stupid symbols.... Totally bad attitude-right? Well, I was aware I was being a baby. So I tried to re-adjust my perceptions. Actually I was too friggin tired for my brain to work. But I think the episode had to do with lingering fear. That while I was no longer afraid, I was still laying in the dark and still reactionary. I was still a child in the dark. But that whatever happened I should know that those in Spirit who loved me were trying to reach me.

Jan. 28, 2011

Our Angels would like us to know;

"Fear not the loss of a perceived life plan. One of the facets of life is about how you perceive where you are at and where you want to go. Examine where you were and how it got you where you are today. Think about why the chain of events happened and examine your perceptions for that which was previously unnoticed. Pay attention to that which you like about yourself today. Does what you like about yourself today help you imagine where you want to be in the future? If it does, hold on to those thoughts and study them for further use. If upon this examination you discover that a perceived plan did not come to fruition; Know that your life has many plans. Many contingencies. Your spirit did not come to your world with failure as an option. Where you mistakenly distract yourself is in your perception of what failure or success is. When you focus solely on what you "know" IS; You miss what might BE. Know your soul has many goals. Again it is perception. If you walk to the highest perception of yourself you will be doing that which is good. Good by yourself, good by others. As long as you actively seek this you will invoke good effects in your life. Maybe not what and all that you used to or currently envision, but upon a change of perception you will discover that other goals and plans have been met. "

Jan. 28, 2011

So, something I've been thinking about lately.

Some of you have read or heard me talk about CE Blog member SoBeFreeMyAngel/ AngelBird's daughter Emily. I've had several Visions and channeling Experiences involving her. Through visions I and another blog member have had as well as Erik saying so to me, I've discovered that Emily was Erik and I and other's sister in past lives. She and Erik are very close.

Well, in a couple of those visions Emily has appeared as her higherself in adult form as opposed to the the age when she left this incarnation. It was a stunning revelation.

I've been thinking about Emily's adult form. The visions I've had of her higher-self. The woman who's features remind me of Arwen from Lord of the Rings crossed with the glamor of Elizabeth Taylor. The beauty, the poise, the sheen of cream skin, the round cheeks and shimmering hair. And the intense light the combined softness, age, and wisdom. All combined with mind blowing love. I've been blown away as to just how beautiful this was. And just now as I was thinking this. She said, in disembodied thought. " Our higher-selves or our soul images; Our soul images are always a culmination of everything that is good, beautiful, about ourselves. It is a projection of the Divine within each of us. A snapshot of the moment of your Creation. The moment we started creating ourselves. That moment that has kept creating to the point I show you now." Then the voice and the wondrous creature I "see" flares in light and resolves into a little girl, who then in thought says, "laugh, play, live your life now, who you are never dies and you will always create who and what you are, who you will be, forever more. Love it, love yourself, because you are beautiful too".

A huge gush of emotion, of love, then hit me as I saw a little girl playing with plastic toy animals. Then the vision vanished. My eyes teared up and I feel short of breath.

Jan. 28, 2011 (more Erik dialoge)

**At some point in the recent past: (during Reiki actually...)

Jason to Erik:

Errrriiiikkkkkk -- "This sucks. This out of the blue sadness, this weird sense of loss."

E to J ---

"That's because you've been on auto pilot for so long. That's your ego driving. It's base emotion; Base & it's reaching for anything powerful enought to hide you in. It's saying, 'forget the world! - lets wallow'. But, you are aware and don't want to be like that so it bothers you. You keep snapping out of your attitude and saying to yourself, "WTF" & keep trying to readjust your thinking. Doing that takes work and active intent."

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**At some point in the past:

@Erik; "E- I am bored! I want to be entertained."

E to Jason; "No you don't! You need an attitude adjustment!".

J to E; "Where's the love?"

E to J; "I've got tons of it"

J to E; "But....."

E to J; " No butts! Either do something or go to sleep!"

J to E; "But...."

E to J; "(Sigh......)"

J to E; "Did you ever have a job? "

E to J; " Ask mom"

J to E; "Where did you learn a work ethic?"

E to J; "MOM!!!"

J to E; "Fine don't tell me I don't care"

E to J; "Dude quit being lazy and talk to her"

J to E; " I miss ya!"

E to J; "Meeetooo! I am sooo looking forward to your memories being back and your confidence and wholeness back. I miss hanging out with all of you. I miss all of you guys as you are in whole. Youre not like this here. Your are in touch with all you are here."

J to E; "I wish I could remember"

E to J; "I know"

J to E; "I am going to sleep. Any last words? Wait for Lydia's (guide) training. She is in charge. Ok, later dude".

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A Teacher of mine said the following. You have had quite the history. Love, pain, happiness, sorrow, all of that. Treasure what you can. Let go of the rest. In this reguard time and future as you precieve it are on your side.

Jan. 27, 2011

I channeled a couple of replies from Erik to a few of Elisa's blog topics. This weekend I'll post them here to keep them all in one place. Robert is doing better and is out of ICU; much to my relief. When he gets better he is in so much trouble. Also on another front I've been in communication with a CE blog member who wrote me a letter addressed to Erik with lots of questions about the way of the world. Some of them Erik has already answered on the CE blog, and some will be answered by Elisa in forthcoming posts. The letter was so extensive and pertanent to what others all over the world want to talk about that I felt it worth while to turn into a long term project to discover the answers within the CE group/ forum site. I dont' want to do it here as this is my personal journal. But I think others would benifit from discussions of the matter. Origional questions/ statements will in black italic. My revised bullet point questions/topics will be derived from the origional letter. The blog member origionally intended this to be purely Erik channeled responses. But I do not have that type of relationship with Erik that professional mediums have. Erik is a soul mate, a friend and family to me and has the kind of relationship with me one would expect of that. I am insistant and so is he that he is not all wise all knowing, and is not a guru nor does he have the best answers or the complete experience to fully address these important discussions to my satisfaction. Now I will most certainly channel him for these topics, but it will not be my only source of information. I will be using my guides, angels, Spirit Teachers, and my human mentors as well as research I can find. I think the mix plus group feed back and discussion will lead to personal evolution, discovery and empowerment of our souls. Here is an example of some of the topics. (many more to come). In the mean time, I'd like to recomend looking at my mentors site for further information. http://www.dragonofdrama.com/

((when did my quest for the boogey man turn into the Spiritual-- What happened?--- ha ha)) I realise that this sort of thing may not be helpful to everyone, but I feel I have to do right by myself and my own development.

Example Topics to discuss:

--point of view perceptions

--perspective

--intent based thought

--creating reality

--owning ones belief

--owning ones feelings

--cause and effect

--free will here and in spirit

--step by step example of free will from birth to death, radiating out from individual to family to group to city to country to civilization to planet

--commonalities between historical religions, metaphysics, spiritualism, -taking the commonalities and determining what what truths you see and how to apply them to your life

--How to look at pain and suffering and your reaction to it and what to do about it.

--value based judgments, labels, and perceptions based on experiences.

--participation in awareness

--bringing awareness to others

--determining how aware you want to be and what you want to be aware of

--the validity of past lifes, guides, and angels, and other manifestions of point of view and perception.

--thoughts are things

--the different ways of thinking about pain, suffering, violence, negelcet, abuse, war, disease, death, loss, ect.

--fear vs/ love based thinking.

Jan. 24, 2011

Erik's quote on Roberts hospitalization.

"I knew Robert was sick and Robert knew he was sick. But I am not his guides. I am not here to boss him around or nag him or suggest anything. Much of the time I can try but they can overrule my wishes as well as my that is how things work. I can not interfear with his free will, and this includes even the small silly things in life. And I can not go against what his higher self wishes. That part of his soul that remebers the past, his purpose and plans. Very often major illness are a part of one's life plans but they are not destiny. There is no such thing as destiny as you are thinking. You yourself now can alter almost every plan and desition you ever made by how you life your life and what you allow your ego to do with or without your awareness. Now because of this and that Robert was blocking and telling himself that he would get better I had to go along and not look into it further. Spirits are not omnipitant. True the higher the vibration the more you can see; but still only if our awareness and attention is cast to it with intention. So I did not realize just how serious it was until it was really bad. And then I spent my time trying to get him to go in for it. Now to follow this up, a lot of you are going to ask about his destiny in regard to future plans, missions, and goals. But this too is dependent on many things. Doctors, nurses, clerks, his habbits, his mundane interacitons, random interactions of third and fourth parties, other peoples goals and plans as they interact with his or lack there of. There are so many variables. That is exactly why we have guides, angels, teachers, and loved ones to help steer us through life. It's to get us to make the best of any experience we bring to ourselves through action or inaction. To make our response to it the best it can intentionally be."

**Jason's note.

Aside from the vision's yesterday I mentioned in the earlier post and on my web journal I wanted to share these.

**Last night in vision I saw Be Free my Angels' Emily by Roberts bedside. She was in adult form though.She had her hand on his forehead.

**Last night Erik let me look through his eyes a few times. He was laying next to and sitting next to Robert, curled up for most of the night. Arm around him while he slept. Jillian was laying in Eriks lap or sitting on the end of the bed and others were in and out of the room as well.

**Today I "saw" in vision Erik keeping Robert company by plaing Soldier and chasing Jillian around the room with splat ball guns, as well as he was walking around in a towel asking oblivious unknowing doctors and nurses where the sauna was. He had fuzzy slippers on. ALso he is NOT a fan of hospital food. He just came to me and said it sucked and was disapointed I wasn't having anything good either for dinner.I am not sure if Robert saw all this or if this was just an attempt to keep me from worrying.... But Erik is very fond of pandering for attention if he knows your watching as some of us can testify. So it may be all of the above. ha ha.

Jan. 24, 2011

I found out about Roberts condition from a voice mail. He called me from the hospital. His voice on the phone was dead and weak and scattered. I could hear people in the background. I didn't know what was wrong and he only said he was in the ICU but wanted to make sure I knew he where he was. Then he put the phone down; but he didn't hang up. I could hear medical equipment beeping in the back ground for about a minute in silence. Then it went dead. At that point I was so overwhemled with panic and greif. I yelled and cussed at Erik for not telling me.

He said he couldn't have because he himself didn't know the extent of it until recently and then he was focused on trying to get Robert to go to the doctor. But Robert was blocking him mentally and wouldn't go. Erik said he was prevented from interfearing in that. And he didn't tell me, because I was going through so much on my own at the time that it would have just freaked out and not done what I needed to do.

Well, after he told me this I was furious. I railed against him and Erik became quite upset and seemed to be crying. I felt life was so unfair. I was so upset. I felt I deserved to have Erik or guide or Teacher tell me. Because if he had died and I had found out because Elisa told me out of the blue, or if his Spirit came to me; I would have been devistated for not having time to prepare. As you can tell, I don't do well with sudden emotion. In any case I totally understand "Spirits" position and reasoning as to "why" they couldn't or didn't tell me, but I am still nursing a grude about it. In fact it reminds me of all the other times, I got mad when Spirit would not tell me what I wanted to know, or direct me like I thought I should be. Sometimes it's even deeply hurt my feelings. And it makes me realise they are just people too. Not perfect beings and many times their judgements are not what we would have done or even thought proper.

Well, back to Robert. I am just so grateful that he is OK. Erik, my guides, and our Teacher went to great great lengths yesterday to comfort me. In fact it was so intense my head felt like it was on fire all night. For that I feel guilty for accepting the comfort because I'd like to know if Robert was able to sense or clairvoiently see that comfort as well. Erik told me that he was able to tell Robert that we all loved him and was aware of it all. But I didn't see that, so I just have to take his word for it.

In any case I just wanted to add this bit to my journal. Stating that it's important to know Spirits have reasons for what they do and do not do. And it's important not to judge it with our limited perspective. Otherwise we might end up with hurt feelings.

Jan. 24, 2011

Elisa put updates on her site about Robert. In addition;

Just wanted to give you a mini update from ‘vision land’. Mind you that has no bearing on doctors opinions or actual medical outcomes. I had several visions last night looking through Erik’s et.al’s. eyes. Erik was holding the bottom of Roberts feet directing energy to Robert and my guide Lydia who is a soul mate of both Robert and Erik was holding her hands over his body merging your energies that were coming in. The room was pretty choked with Spirits. Erik was sitting next to him for most of the night. He says he was able to sleep well although the drugs were making him loopy.

On a Reiki front, my guide Elizabeth helped me send Robert Energy. I've not been attuned to level 2 to send energy yet, but Lydia and my Teacher Z has shown me in the past how to send light energy. Semantics and intent. Tools for different purposes. Well in any case, Elizabeth physically took over my channeling and used me as a vessel to channel healing energy at him. I felt her place her hands on my head and in minds eye I saw in 3d color these energy vortexes on all four sides of me and above me. In my vision the looked like mini tornadoes of yellow white light. The bottom ends of the twisters attached to my hands and feet; and the tops swirled around my chest; and the one above me started siphoning off Reiki energy. As it poured down into me, she spun it around me in a sphere; which then drained off into the 4 twisters. The energy then looped back up into my heart chakra. She had me hold my thumbs and fingers together to create an 'O'. and then she had me chant cho ku rei and on the ku rei, push the energy through my hands and send it to Erik and Lydia who then laid it on Robert. I saw Lydia drawing Reiki symbols all over Robert and laying her hands on him. I did this for a good 30 min. I think. Very unusual experience. I am not quite sure what to make of it. Only that I believe it was real. I felt very lightheaded and tired afterward's. I just wanted to share with you all as most of us are involved in or will be involved in energy work of some fashion.

also,

Last night in vision I saw Emily by Roberts bedside. She was in adult form though.She had her hand on his forehead.

Jan. 23, 2011

Please send prayers and energy and well wishes; whatever your belief system allows to Robert. He is sick in the hospital. ~Thanks.

Jan. 21, 2011

Hi Dear friends,

Erik suggested I share this with you. Since starting Reiki, of which I think was a Spiritual trigger, Erik and the "gang" have been helping me manage a sudden upwelling of emotion that demanded to be dealt with. Last night Erik and I had a break through. He suggested that I pick one of you to share this with. But as I feel entwined with all of you, I am going to copy all of you. I just wanted to say thanks for listening and sharing my journey with me.

*******************************************************************************

Last night Erik really stepped up his counseling abilities. I wonder if he's been taking classes. During the past few months of becoming aware of Spirit, learning Reiki and channeling it kept triggering emotional responses out of me. This really upset me, because before I learned to channel my guides and before Erik, I was one of the coldest most withdrawn people you would have ever met. Although my life was good from outside appearances, I felt dead inside. All this contact with Spirit has seemed to pull up everything, all my baggage that needed fixing. And is forcing me to work on it. My guides and Erik have been instrumental in changing my life around for the better.

Last night I was lamenting and whining about how I was still having a hard time with certain aspects of past thought patterns and behaviors. Erik zoomed in and we spent a couple hours talking intensely about them. Here is what we talked about.

Overcoming obsession; as a path to deal with pain.

Modern life has many features that can that can emotionally hinder us that did not exist in previous world history. Technology, Education, and the Information age have allowed humans to find outlets for emotions that do not always serve us very well. These outlets while neither good nor bad in and of themselves, when taken to an extreme prevent us from working out our problems in a healthy way. In fact they can lead to obsession. Obsession can be described as an addiction. It is a fear based experience, an emotion and an action. It can be any action or feeling that is used as an escape from a physical, emotional, or other problem - an escape from that which we are not happy with in our life. What it really does is hide the pain. Obsession can carve deep ruts into our lives so that we are unable to see above its banks, unable to see where we are going. Where this path can lead depends on a lot of things. It can lead to the edge of a cliff or mortally wound us.

These wounds may seem superficial or seem to not harm anyone but us. We are often oblivious to how our lives are intertwined with others and society in general while in the ruts of obsession. And what most people don't realize is that we will take these wounds with us, unresolved into the afterlife. Upon arrival in the afterlife, if we have not worked on our negative emotions and actions we will either invoke karma having to make amends to those we've harmed or we will have to relearn or re-experience that which we did not learn or resolve. Now this slightly reeks of lack of free will. But that's not true. As a part of the Divine all things naturally seek to evolve to that highest perfection that which is in us, to experience all that is. Eventually, all things have this inner yearning to navigate to that which is of the highest good. But in the mean time it is totally up to us on whether or not to "choose" to deal with these problems.

Upon death if you've refused to work on your inner being, the inner evolution of the soul and have become negative about it, you will carry this cloak of negativity and self inflicted wounds into the afterlife. Depending on the severity of the wound, your attitude, your beliefs, your perceptions, you could very well end up creating a dark reality for yourself of self torture. Remember the old adage, "Like attracts like?" Well if you don't work on resolving your inner being now while on earth, you will attract that which is like you upon death. Manifesting again the very things you didn't work on. This will carry on into the next life as well. This is because Life is about Mastering all that is. Knowing it, understanding it, and evolving to love and the highest possible good.

Now if you choose to ignore your baggage, problems and pain and cling to obsessions that make you feel better or provide you with illusion, Spirit wants you to know that this "IS OK, IT"S YOUR CHOICE, and you will be allowed to do so." But, if you do you will have to deal with cause and effect. Or deal with the consequences of your action or inaction. This could manifest as emotional or physical effects for you or those around you. And if you "choose" this path, you must look at it, decide that this is indeed what you want, and OWN it, and deal with any karma you incur. If you don't you are only deluding yourself and you will have to work on these issues again as you are not being true to your highest self.

Obsession comes in many forms, i.e. mental, and physical. They are addictive repetitive behaviors that we turn to when we do not want to address fear or pain. It is a poor coping mechanism that is can be a harmful way to channel your personal energy. For if you took that time, effort and energy you spent in your obsessions and applied it for the betterment of yourself, others or in pursuit of creative causes; think of how life would be different for you. But the ruts of obsession can run deep especially if years are involved. How to get out of the ruts can be hard. There is no easy way, no band-aid, no magic pill. It takes hard work. It is a step by step process to overcome. But if you are willing to keep picking yourself up and ask for help, you will find that eventually your thought patterns will change. And your awareness will have changed.

Insight and knowledge are often meaningless without experience. For if you have never experienced it, how can you apply it to life? This experience, dealing with obsession to hide from pain and fear has been hard on me as well as many of you. In this life time, dealing with fear of all types has been a great theme. There are so many examples to choose from it's hard to relate them all here. And even to relate them to you is painful and carries a great deal of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of loss, shame, etc. My fear came from being raised in fear based religious environment, fear of being spiritually punished; it came from dealing with sexuality; it came from parents unable to deal with their relationship issues; it came from the paranormal. All of these caused chain reactions that spiraled into further more complex manifestations of all forms of fear. Fear of relationships, fear of friendships, fear of social situations, fear of criticism, fear of loss, fear of finances, loneliness, shame, guilt, anger, lust, jealousy, and selfishness. The list goes on and on. My obsessions of choice were an attempt to numb pain, disassociate myself from my problems, relationship problems, family drama and traumas, my history, to disguise my selfishness, and tune out the paranormal/Spirit. Those obsessions have been booze, pain pills, porn, withdrawing from others, food, negative thoughts, video games, books, etc., or anything I could escape within myself and avoid that which was without. The only problem was this was preventing me from not only seeing that which was without, but also that which was within. I was sitting in the dark nursing my wounds.

Each one of these in and of themselves is neither good nor bad. They just are. But when carried to extreme and utilized for long periods of time to hide from working on issues they become obsessions. They began to wound me, and those around me. They prevent me from learning, experiencing greater things that move my soul forward. I would then feel guilt and shame about obsession and being my own worst critic I would emotionally beat myself up. Then I would feel bad about that. That would then generate more fear. Fear of how these thoughts and behaviors could possibly manifest spiritually. I feared Spiritual punishment; all the time forgetting that I created this myself. And that the original creative thought behind my thoughts on these matters were manifesting as aspects of fear so that I could experience it.

What has been bothering me in the past month is that I've become acutely "Aware" of this. I was thinking, before I met my spiritual guides, teachers, and Erik, I would have never given any of this sort of thing a second thought. I would have reveled and rolled in my selfishness and let myself enjoy the illusion of happiness that hid my pain. So as I began to become Aware, My guides, Teacher, and Erik have been working with me to change my beliefs, perceptions, and thought patterns to help me heal myself. To look at all I don't' like about myself, to examine it, and try to figure out what I want to do about it.

I've been asking myself, "Is how I am thinking, is what I am doing a reflection of how I perceive my highest self"? What kind of person do I want to be? One of the first steps has been to acknowledge each feeling, to re-examine each memory. To try and think about how I feel about each experience. And to try to understand how each coping action or thought affects me and those around me and how I feel about that. It's been are really rough and tough ride. It's painful. Some days are better than others. Some day's I feel like a total failure. Some days I give in to the fear and slide back. Then I feel guilt and shame and self criticism. A glutton for self punishment!

But Erik keeps telling me to pick myself back up and try again. He said, "Don't give up. Why do you feel the way you do? What happened in the past that makes you afraid? What are you hiding from? It's OK to feel that way, but what are you going to do about it? The next time you feel this way call out to us. We will help." "It's OK to feel the way you do. Its part of being human, the human experience, it's just a reaction to fear and pain. It's OK to feel, but you need channel the energy you used to spend on obsession into positive growth. That takes time and hard work. Just take it step by step, one little thing at a time. The next time you feel scared, the next time you feel life is unfair, the next time you worry, the next time you’re hurt, or even bored, the next time, get up and take a walk. Write to us. Call out to us. Do something creative. Hug your family, tell someone you love them and thank them. Go exercise. It won’t be a cure but it is a step. It won’t fix you as your pain; fear and the past are a part of you. But you need to look it in the eye and say, "I see you, but I don't want to be like that". Say, Enough! Keep trying and one day you will believe it and your life will be changed. And above all else, know we love you, we hear you and we have your back."

So I carry on. Keep on with keeping on. It's been 6 months since I gave up drinking at the request of my guide Lydia. I've been working hard to actively engage my family and other relationships instead of hiding. I've been trying to examine the past and forgive. I try not to complain about how hard it is or that it sucks. I try to look at the dark and say I do not fear Spirit, I only see love. I am not sure where this path is going to lead, but I feel much better about my path. Erik says all this is necessary and that I should share my journey with you. He says we all need to feel and understand that we are not alone in the world, that we have to help each other find the light within ourselves and let it shine. Sometimes I feel my light is pretty dim and flickers too much. I wonder if you carry matches… or can loan me a candle. . I am hoping if we all stand together that our paths will get brighter.

Thanks for listening.

Jan. 20, 2011

Erik had more to say about the CE blog post today. After reading I had the sudden urge to type to Elisa. Erik was hot on my face and arm. I just tried to type what he said. Sorry for the spelling and grammer. Reading it back to myself I realize I was typing while listening to his accent/speech. So strange. I am just glad it wasn’t in Roberts voice. I hate that. I just read over it a 3rd time and asked Erik if it was OK to send, and he said, yah, it’s all good, send it. So here it is.

~Lub ya.

Jason

“Hi Mom, sorry for the short answers to what you wanted to know about. I felt I had to be vauge so that I wouldn’t lose anybody or affect their free will. It important that everyone move and change the core of their belief systems on their own and not be unduelly influcenced by me as being right or wrong. Everyone comin from a different point of view background level of understandin.. But back to how the senses change. I can talk about tacktile senses or emotional ones. It’s a really broad topic. Human souls are surrounded by the material of the plane of existance that earth resides. It is etherial and envelops the body. It is an etheric energy casing that allows the body and soul to merge and attach itself. It’s the casing the soul plugs into the body so it can be driven. It is also this connection, the aura of energy that partially helps us forget when we are on earth so that we can experience stuff properly without previous knowledge getting in the way. It’s a filter. When you die this casing or ehtheric body begins to withdaw. And until it is fully withdrawn it clouds full memory and cognition of past lives, future life and enlightenment. As it withdraws we are pluggin back into our higherself. This happens with each energy body in whatever place we are at. Each time we move up we lose this energy body for something more refined. I said earlier that in heaven we at our highest point of enlightenment. That’s true, but from a certain view. See cause there are lots of levels of enlightenment. And at whatever level we are at, we are at the highest level of enlightenment for that level. That is why Spirits of different levels, different vibrations, different lengths of time after their death will say differnet things. Including me. I am still limited by my experiences and lack of experiences. I only can see so much, then I have to go get someone higher up. Another confusing thing to explain that often makes me hunt for a way to explain it, is the whole bodies of energy. I said we don’t have bodies here that are affected by emotion. That’s true if compared to earthly bodies. But it is a generalization. We do have bodies, only they are made of energy based upon whatever plane we are residing in or state of being. Now when we first cross over we frequently still have the etheric aura of earth about us which clouds and prevents us from rememberin how it really is. And if we led a terrible life full of negitive emotion we can wrap this energy around us and it keeps us from gaining or remembering the bigger picture. So in this instance emotions can really affect us until other spiritual beings can help us out. But once we lose the earthly etheric cloud or cloak; it pulls away, and disapates as we move on. As we move on it drops away and as we lose the last bits of our past life we regain our memories and our past lives and our other lives and not only are we aware of all our perspective and knowledge of where we were at before this past life, we now are able to learn and become aware of new knowledge and perspective in our new plane of existance. And as we become aware of this new stuff it is then open for us to come back and experience it in another life or in duties here. Now ya askin about self concept. Self awareness? Personality? or how I feel about myself? All this changes depending on where one is vibrationally, how long since they died, how many lives they’ve lived, and what Spiritual sphere they are in or at. All of this combined. Not easy to talk about to people who cant remember the big picture. And some if it we can’t tell you cause it would affect choices you need to make on your own in your own lives. Self concept is too broad and has too many particulars in and of itself and the nature of existance over here is so varied it’s hard to talk about. That’s why I was stugglin with ansering ya. We all should break this topic up into bite size pieces. Lub ya Mom!”

Jan. 20, 2011

Hysterical experience this morning.

6:35am.- It's dark outside. Most people are in bed.

I come down stairs dressed for the 4 block walk to the bus stop.

It's a freezing 2 degrees outside, 3 feet of snow, and -10 windchill.

Erik, Jillian, and my guide Lydia meet me downstairs in the kitchen.

I look at where they are and Erik says, "I am ready!". I roll my eyes and look with my minds eye and see him dressed "ala 1980's" in red shorts, white striped knee high socks, running shoes, and sweat bands and a tee shirt on and boxing gloves. And he is jumping up and down pumping his fists together, and says, "Lets do this, I am ready to run". I said, 'Erik your so crazy'. He said, Wahh, you keep trying to get me to walk to the bus with you. It's cold out, but I can do it.". I just laugh and look at Jillian. She is wearing a 1950's wool university football game night outfit. Very cute, but NOT warm enough. Lydia is the only one dress correctly. Although she looked like British or Russian nobility going hunting. All in fuzzy plaid, and a hand muff and a hat.

So I then go out side and they all bailed on me! Erik said, It's too cold, we'll be waiting in the green house where it's warm! HEY! You guys suck! Ha ha.. So then I just start walking about about a house away, and on his way, Erik kicked the neighbors car and made it's car alarm go off!! About gave me a heart attack! I thought the house was on fire. ha ha. And no, there was no one around. I ran back tword the house to make sure it wasn't the house alarm, and Erik was laughing at me. So I growled and turned back to the bus stop path and looked up, and the neighbors driveway lights suddenly flashed on and off twice. It wasn't them either. Their house was dark. That goon. I love him, but what a coward. I wanted physical company not long distance communication. It's not thaaaat cold out... my gosh, it's only supposed to get down to minis 15 F. tonight. phawww.... That's nothing! ha ha.

Jan. 17, 2011

Here is something I wrote in my personal channeling Erik Q &A Journal today:

@Erik

I am trying to find the inner strength to manage my emotion. To understand. Trying to overcome that which seems baser. The primal feelings based on lower ego emotions. But I so often am conflicted and confused. The mix of it all... to sort it out is painful. I keep feeding my fire the wrong kind of fuel. I look about and see dry wood stacked up but I seem to want to be lazy and only blindly reach for wet wood. UGH!

Erik Says:

"You need to reconnect to positive emotion and hold it tight. Raise your spiritual vibration. Altering ones vibration is an act of personal creation. To create something you have to understand it. To Understand it you have to know what it is made of. You want to create change in your life. Do you understand that change? Do you know what you are made of? Are you willing to apply these two questions without any inkling of where you might be going? The puzzle of all this is to actively seek the highest most positive understanding of all these individual parts. Once you approach this understanding you can then go about creating that which is around you. This takes dedicated work. For if you do not strive for this you are simply riding out someone Else's creation unaware of your own power."

@Erik

Well, How do I go about doing this?

Erik Says:

"What are you passionate about? List it. Right now. Right down who and what do you love and why. Then under that write down any feelings that come to mind in relation to each entry. Bullet point each emotion both positive and negative that comes to mind. Try to contemplate why you feel the way you do about it. Now look at your list again. Is your reaction to what you 'think' you are passionate about a reflection of how you imagine your higher self? How do you feel about this? What do you want to do about it. This is a first step. It IS hard work. But it's up to you.

Jan. 14, 2011

Yesterday morning Erik was messing with the heating at my house. He turned it to 60. It's in the teens outside. Then he turned it up to 90. He thinks it's hysterical to freeze or heat us out. It makes me giggle. It freaks my spouse out. I've taken to saying, "Casper is such a naughty ghost". Last night I was home alone. When I am home alone I never watch tv. I hate the tv. I prefer to read in peace and quiet. I was laying on the couch. All covered up with blankets. All of a sudden my DVD player turned on. Erik was bored and wanted to watch a movie. ha ha. No actually I think he was informing me I recieved an email from a mutal friend pertaining to him. He does that sometimes with Robert, Sharon and I. Totally weird I know. What's even weirder is his notification often comes before the email. There's often a time lapse. On a related note E and the gang were pretty active with Elisa and Robert and Arleen. I saw a video of Arleen and Erik said he was sitting on the counter watching her play and poking his head in and out of the wall to get her attention. Funny. I always get a kick out of how he and the "gang" jump around all the time. I sure wish I had his energy. Late last night I was afraid I'd pissed him off with something I said to someone. But he no, "it was cool". And he showed me a vision from a past life here he was mad at me. In the vision I was a little kid and throwing rocks at him. And he tackled me and dragged me to a horse trough and dunked my head in the water for it.

Jan. 11, 2011

The other week I was going through an emotional time and had developed quite a bad attitude. And some of this type of conversation happened, but it also came up during our group visualization the other day. The vision led me to re-examine why I run from things in life, which brought up emotional junk. I said to Erik,

"I feel bad, I don't like feeling this way. What do I do?"

He said, in what I call his teaching mode, (which is pacing back and forth and head down)....(which to me looks like a fuzzy blob of air going back and forth in the room in addition of the vision in my head).

"Examine the opposite of you wish to feel. Because that which you wish to feel is opposite of what you feel right now. That Which Pains you; examine it. To understand it is know it & to know it is to experience it & to experience it & know it is to "Master" it. Believe this, feel it, share it, and love it. For you are all of it.

Step by step examine your self history through criticism, fear, fear of loss, doubt, fear of finances, losing your religion, fear of loosing security, your parents divorce, your fear of relationships, friendships, fear of looking for promise, fear of future, love, sexuality, uncertainty, fear of new abilities, fear of paranormal, trust, fear of lack of credibility. Compare it to how you want to feel.

Everything that you hate about yourself, examine it. Everything that makes you different examine it. Everything that you love, reflect on it. Everything that is unique and strange, make it all your own. Make it yours. Own it. It's you, It's what we all here love about you.

What do you want? What do you want? It's about you."

Just forgot to post it to you all the other day when we were all exchanging our group visions and thought it worth sharing.

Jan. 11, 2011

Jan. 11, 2011

Someone on the Channeling Erik Site asked Elisa why doens't Erik type or manipulate computers yet. Why not participate in internet chat?

I certainly don't know. I think that would be great! But, here are my thoughts as well as some of what I could pry out of Erik about it. Like always I defer to Elisa and Robert. I am in the support crew so to speak. Not the driver. Robert is his trance channel and Mom's mom. ha ha.

My Reply:

I’ve been an amateur paranormal, spiritual researcher for a couple of years now. And a beginner medium only since last June or so. As I understand it Electronic manipulation by the Spirit world is termed; ITC. Instrumental Trans Communication. There are several very good web sites and organizations devoted to these fields. They encompass Computer, typewriters, answering machine, phones, cameras, etc. etc. And even though I interact and communication in some fashion with Erik on a daily basis. He has made it quite clear to Robert and I that he will not tell us anything that would interfere with free will including altering peoples belief systems in such a way that would alter their actions of their life paths. Meaning, as much as I personally beg he wont say anything to me that would interfere with my spiritual journey and that which I must learn or experience on my own. He has also stated something to Robert and I that conflicts with many mediumship circles and afterlife researchers in ITC. As far as I’ve read. On the other side it takes large teams of spirits to interact with our electronics and such from across the veil. They say Spirits must learn and develop the ability to harness and manipulate energies that can interact with us as well as our own energies. But, Erik has in the past said some things to Robert and I that conflict with this. He has said, that isn’t necessary and it depends on many things. The level of the Spirit, the knowledge, ability, level and beliefs of the Spirit. And the same for the incarnate person. And on top of all that such demonstrations totally depend on intent, plan, belief, and goals of said Spirit and said recipient. Here is an example.

Say incarnate person A. We’ll call him I.A. .. IA wants to leave a text file open on his computer so that Erik can type him a message. This would be a sure fire way to “Prove” that the spirit world exists in his mind. Now say this happens. But, as it would turn out; the reason I.A. is on earth in this life time, is to work on matters of self reliance, personal faith in himself and others. But he now has a text file with the Spirit world. He is now undo-ley influenced by it and no longer has to rely on himself or work on faith. He has validation that throws it all out the window. So he turns to it time and time again and asks the dis-incarnate questions on everything. There by possibly subverting all or some free will and loosing the chance to develop the soul.

I know, many of you. Ok prob. most. will say, but if this could happen it would be the key that could change the whole world. We would have 100% proof that the soul survives death and it would change the world? Would it? Or does communities, societies, countries, planets also have free will? It all goes back to how you view the nature of the universe. If you believe in free will and the belief that we are all on a journey to become all that we can be through experience, learning lessons and developing our soul to be all that we can be… Would you want anyone to take any choices away from you? I am not sure. I don’t have any answers only questions. Many of which do not get answered. In fact most of the time, the Spirit world seems to turn my questions back to me for further self examination. Erik said to me, ” Understanding of the universe is pointless when you lack understanding of yourself.” For when we look for the “AH-HA” reveal without us, we seldom look for the AH-HA within us. Looking without causes us to expect others to see our perspectives and beliefs as true, and prevents others from finding their own inner truth. That’s not to say Erik wont ever manifest in type. He very well someday move in that direction. He wont tell me.

Now back to ITC. I still question Erik and my guides and Spirit on such matters. My guides say that I am a apprentice medium. The bottom of the rung so to speak. That answers and manifestations will only happen when I am ready. Usually this means, that I have lessons and understanding of more that which is my inner self before more manifestations will happen. For if you are inpatient and do not work on Spirits terms, you risk loosing communication with higher level Spirit. From what I’ve read on the ITC web sites, this holds true. When incarnates, researches and mediums refuse to work on Spirits terms for self development for the higher good. When they try to circumvent Spirit on higher Spirits terms, they leave themselves open to misunderstanding and trouble. I’ve seen examples, papers, stories and plenty of evidence that Spirit is capable of typing. But it happened in coordination with Spirit teams and Human teams working for the greater good with active intent to patiently develop such manifestations on a dedicated basis for such purposes. And on a personal note. While he has manipulated my cell phone in various ways before and household electronics he has not touched my computer that I could see. I’ve even left empty text files open for him on many occasion. My only reply is silence. Which make me try to figure out why? I can only conclude that it goes back to finding the inner before the outer.

As I finish up this reply, he leaves me with this reply in my head as I type, ” Manifestations are only meant to accentuate the inner discoveries of Spirit. They highlight points of enlightenment. They encourage, and surprise to help us keep the faith and maintain a positive outlook on our journey. They are symbols of love. To the uninformed they are troubling and trigger fear, so a balanced must be made, never surpassing what you are not ready for. Just as free will reigns in the 3D world and it’s interactions so too; Free will reigns here. Just as free will reigns in your societies and worlds; so too does it here. Different groups here, different soul groups develop and travel paths each of their own accord. And interference between groups is not always an option. Thus interference between these groups and your groups and the groups you interact with can be problematic as well as this trickles down into your individual families and lives. Be patient and interact with each other. Love and discover yourselves and figure out how your actions and believes can reflect that which is your highest self. Try to manifest this in your daily lives and in the lives of those around you. Then will Spirit be obvious to you. Then will you truly see us. For then you will realize you are but one of us.”

As a parting personal note. I still look forward to the day Spirit texting is possible. Personally I believe it’s possible, I believe the reason it hasn’t happened has to do with personal journeys and non interference rather than lack of ability or will. Which sucks, cause I’d like a letter just the same as any of you. ha ha

~Jason

******************************************************************************************

Jan. 07-10, 2011

Channeling Erik Team Visualization Exercise #4 Jan. 07-10, 2011

(*note: Sorry for the odd formatting. Merging text files was difficult~j)

**************************************************

Hi E-team! It's time for our Semi-periodic group channeling practice with

Erik!

This week we are adding Channeling blog member S. to the group. Know

anyone else that channels Erik, please ask if they want to be included in

these emails. Remember Channeling means many things, brief images to words,

to smells, to experiences. How this works is: Your read the vision below

and then see if you can see, hear, feel, or experience anything more. Erik

will try to give you a message. It could be silly and nonsensical, or it

could have meaning to you, or have meaning for the group, OR nothing at all.

That's OK too. Just forward your answers back to me, and I'll compile them

and sometime this weekend I'll send them back. Participation is voluntary.

:) Imagination is KEY. Just let it come and trust and accept that it has

meaning... or not. There is no right or wrong answer. It's about

imagination, belief, trust, acceptance, visualization, practice, and fun;

what does it all mean to you. Red the following paragraph. Go somewhere

where you'll be alone. This could be in the bathroom or even before bed.

Think of this visualization. Close your eyes and take 2-5 min. and ask Erik

if he will elaborate. Just write down ANYTHING that comes to mind. Even if

it's fleeting and doesn't make sense. We'll see afterwords if he will

elaborate! :)

OK.... Last night after my Reiki practice I had a vision. I was laying in

bed when all of a sudden I saw him in my mind like a waking vivid dream. It

was extremely clear. Erik was dressed in late nineteenth century attire. He

was In a big city. It felt like New York or Chicago. He was leaning on a big

metal fence, with brick at the bottom. The air smelt smoky. And I heard city

noise in the back ground. He was a young adult. Older teen maybe. He was

wearing a brown berae and a light tan tweed coat. A plaid brown and tan

sweater and pants that went down past his knees long brown ribbed socks, and

brown leather shoes. He had really curly hair. Super short on the sides and

back. He took off his hat and bowed to show it off-smiling. Below him was a

box made of wood. It's opening was on it's side and open. The lid off. And

a girl with blond long straight hair came out and ran around him. she was in

a little kids sailor outfit. and she said. ta daaaaa ! I had a hard time

telling if she was younger or not. But it was odd. I honestly thought Emily

when I saw her. Although it may not be. He said it's the message not the

image that matters. He looked very much the same in the face only he had

lots of freckles.

Ok, remember the game is to see if;

A) he shows you more visualizations, images or moving images.

B) he shows you a word, phrase, or speech

C) relate anything else that happens.

D) relate what if anything it might mean as it pertains to life, your life,

or those around you

E) any inspirational message it might have

F) anything funny that might happen

***************************************************************************

*********************** Erik Says **************************

***************************************************************************

Erik says:

"Ur unique vision is the communication. The phrase "Ta-da" is the concept of "validation vs/ the mundane". The concept of "looking for the "here we are" in the mundane" --Is your Spirit and our Spirit trying to manifest in the everyday of your mind."

"The very next step for you all, is to take your every day visualizations and re-visualize them. Look at them and imagine whoever is in them. Now in your head 'ask the person or thing in your vision a non yes or no question' Non black and white. And try to accept any thing that happens. Think about anything that happens next. Don't assume you know what any answer means. For in looking for secret hidden meaning you may miss a simple, 'Hi-I love you. You're not alone.' Try not to make assumptions or you might miss out on a message".

"Each individual alteration of the visualization is that which is 'YOU' interacting with 'US'. The more you accept this, the more you pick up on communications, which are the original creative thoughts behind the images. You can either blow this off as internalized wishful thinking and self assessment or you can take the next step and believe and accept that this is a meeting of thought, heart, and soul. A key to Spiritual mastery is the faith that bridges these two aspects. It really is all about what do you want to believe. For your belief will create your reality."

***************************************************************************

*********************** What you said **************************

***************************************************************************

BFMA:

As soon as a I read the group email I pictured Erik in 17th century attire in England.

The only other flashes I've had when meditating was Erik making a kissy face. It was a really quick flash, then gone. My daughter was gardening this afternoon,--------, and she wanted to go get some soil, well she is------- , does blessings and offerings and had this box without a lid that she has the symbol etched onto. She was bugging me about going and I was watching ancient aliens on history and was really into it. When I got up she had brought this box into the house laid it sideways and I immediately thought of the box Erik had.

******************************************

Elisa:

I get that Erik was son of a banker, the girl was his younger sister. He

also has an older brother, Frederick. His mom passed away from Listeria

after giving birth to the youngest. He smokes a pipe but his dad frowns on

it. I smell sweet tobacco. I see a girl looking out of a window, his

girlfriend, or more like he WANTS her to be his girlfriend. She has medium

length dark brown hair. It's pulled back in a french braid/bun. She has a

half smile, I only see the upper half of her dress, It's white. Erik

whistles with his fingers and a dog comes over to him, looks like a terrier.

He rubs under the dog's chin and the girl flounces on the dog giving it a

big hug. Cobblestone streets. Ha, Erik shows me that he often pees in the

alley. One time, a cop caught him and admonished him. But his dad is pretty prominent and so... He likes to go to the wharf and hang out with his

buddies. Drinking involved. Might be prohibition, so they might be drinking

moonshine. I see them playing cards, maybe poker. He's kind of a rudderless dude. His dad wants him to go into the same business (banking, or could be textiles, maybe both. I see a factory with weaving looms so I don't know if that's a family business or if it's just an investment. Erik really wants to be a sailor, join the navy, not sure. He's very close to his little sis.

The older brother is from another marriage. They're not that close. He's a

boxer, in and out of jail. I smell a dead animal somewhere. Some dare

between him and his buds about doing something with it, touching it or

getting close. Looks like a big dog. Erik shows me the word "Goldilocks."

His sister's nickname? He talks in an Irish accent. The girl in the window

teases him by calling him Mickey because of that. He likes to say "Hello,

Doll," to all the ladies. Very charming guy. Basically, he ran off to join

the navy and the message is, follow your dream, not someone else's.

*******************************************

S.:

Ok, I'm about ready to start this. I am not going to re-read the

visualization as I want whatever Erik sends to me to be unique and not

related to your vision. I will spend about 5 min in meditation and see what

happens, then relay it here:

Of course my dog was making all kinds of distracting noises and bugging me

during this, but Erik came through.

First, it was blank. I saw nothing. Then a beige room and an old beige couch

came into view. Erik was lying on his back on the couch, blowing one of

those New Year's Eve things. You know, the ones that blow out a tube a

paper, it curls back up, blows back out again. He then stood up and said,

"There, I got your attention." He kind of wandered over to my view and put

his face right up to me as if he was in front of the camera, pulled back,

squatted down on his knees, then stood up again. He proceeded to lecture me

about being too set in my ways, too stuck in my routines, to afraid to live

outside of the box, take chances. He said I am getting these colds because

I'm bottling up too much of my energy inside my head and getting into a rut

with my routines. He told me to stop and smell the roses, have more fun, try

new things, not be so stuck in my safe little rituals of life all the time.

To laugh more, to chill more, to play hooky and be cool with that. To skip

doing the laundry one day, etc.

That was it! I definitely needed to hear that. It is certainly something my

subconscious would say, and I know I need to work on this :)

*******************************************

S.

Funny, I knew he was wearing a beret before I read it.

I saw Erik dancing, it almost looked like tap dancing. As I write that he

says "Right on Dude!" After he dances, he puts his arms out at an angle and

says "Ta Da!" Than he blows me a kiss.

The little girl is jumping rope, faster and faster.

Now they're linking arms and dancing around in circles together. Her hair is

flying out behind her. Than they both take bows.

*******************************************

Sharon:

Hi. I am going to have to try again in the morning for the visual.

If tomorrow morning is anything like this morning it'll be good. I tried

twice already today and I think I am trying too hard. When i got this

mornings visual I didn't have to try. I think my brain is clearer in the

morning and i am more relaxed.

The first time I tried I saw Erik exactly as you described and I loved Eriks

hair like that. I also saw the street scene you described. It felt crisp

and cool and felt like fall. I was unable to progress because the little

girl you described was not a little girl to me. She was a woman with blond

hair like the mom from Bewitched. An elegant woman wearing a red dress. I

should have relaxed and kept going but I couldn't because I couldn't place

the little girl.

The second time I tried I was trying way too hard. Nothing really showed up

although I saw a dark haired man with a handlebars mustache. I don't know

who the man is but he shows up in my visions from time to time.

I am going to have to try again in the morning for the visual. If tomorrow morning is anything like this morning it'll be good. I tried twice already today and I think I am trying too hard. When i got this mornings visual I didn't have to try. I think my brain is clearer in the morning and i am more relaxed.

The first time I tried I saw Erik exactly as you described and I loved Eriks hair like that. I also saw the street scene you described. It felt crisp and cool and felt like fall. I was unable to progress because the little girl you described was not a little girl to me. She was a woman with blond hair like the mom from Bewitched. An elegant woman wearing a red dress. I should have relaxed and kept going but I couldn't because I couldn't place the little girl.

The second time I tried I was trying way too hard. Nothing really showed up although I saw a dark haired man with a handlebars mustache. I don't know who the man is but he shows up in my visions from time to time.

*******************************************

Ceridwen:

When Erik bowed to me, looking up and smiling while doing so, I tried to get a bead on his face, but it kept changing! It would go from Erik from the pictures, to one of those young British school lads from those old Scottish movies, to Alfred E. Newman from MAD, to Ronald McDonald, back to Erik again - continually moving like a kaleidoscope. The message seemed to be that what you look like is irrelevant, and you can look any way and wear any face you want to take on any persona you wish...

As for the girl, as she ran circles around Erik, she moved at all different speeds - super fast so she was just a bright blur going around him...and then in super slow motion, giggling very slowly as well! The message seemed to be that time is relative and elastic, and you can make it any speed you want by your intent and belief...

*******************************************

Jason:

When Erik first showed me the vision I related; It came as a sudden flash

before my eyes as I was getting ready for bed. Nothing else happened or showed. Then I rolled over and went to bed.

The next day, I revisualized it and saw myself as an 8 or 9 year

old. With a huge mess of curly hair. I was wearing a tweed coat and had torn

britches. And I was dirty and scuffed up. I was running from a pack of older

boys. They were chasing me out of an immigrant section of a big city. Like Chicago or New York.

I got the distinct impression that this was the same lifetime I shared with my guide Jeffery.

The life in which I had a vision about living a life as a street artist and dying of the Spanish flu.

Like I said, I was running from a pack of street kids who were gonna beat me up for something.

I was running to Erik for protection. His message to me via that for this life was "that I can stop running because he is here now".

I made the impression that the girl was Emily helping Erik out with the visualization. In my re-visualization;

as I was running to Erik, she jumped out and put her fists up to the boys chasing me,

as though she was our sister and was going to help protect me.

This vision made me think about why I was running. What might I have been running from, what might I be running from. It caused me to self examine my life history and actions from this point of view. It made me analyze what I might be running from. So I thought back to all the past dramas and traumas and made a list of them. It made me re-evaluate them in light of my current understanding of the world around me. I confess I got a little depressed about it all. I said that I didn't like feeling like that. Erik said, "Then don't. Change your outlook. What do you want to do about it". A re-evaluation, a change of perspective.

Everyone of you have also helped me to do this. You hold your own light up in the dark. It helps illuminate my own path. Each of your lights help me see that I am not alone. That we are all seeking Spirit. Each in our own way shines a light for the other.

***************************************************************************

********************* Food for thought ***********************

***************************************************************************

Doubt of the "Vision" --Of your own Visions can define your reality.

What do you personally do; Or, how do you personally handle doubt from

others. I am trying to be brave in the face of doubt. How do you personally deal with this? Is this just a normal part of being human with free will? Something built in. It seems like doubt is not something that can be alieved in others and still hold on to that original experience.

So much of Spirituality is a private journey. One that must be made alone. People must must come to terms of that which is within before they can fully embrace that which is without.

Vision, visualization, imagination are all a part of original creative thought that is a direct reflection of the Divine within each of us. It is a form of mediumship. It is a force that communicates, interacts, and creates the world around us. This is the same process that Spirits use to interact with and create.

Medium-ship is a big struggle for people to accept. They want to categorize it and put restraints on it. It has many aspects, many forms and uses. It has been a big struggle for me. It used to be more so back in the

day. (just 10 months ago) I didn't believe any of it. I thought I was going crazy. Experiences just kept building up that I couldn't deny anymore. And I started to believe. I think belief creates reality. Once I surrendered, gave in and embraced this belief; the experiences started increasing.

Today I have no more personal doubt. But in the face of others doubt I still struggle. I count on all of you to help keep the faith. One thing that really helps me keep the faith is, I step back and remember what Elisa once told me. "In 100 years will any of this really matter." That helps me look away from feeling bad, look up and refocus on what I believe. So I turn back to the so called inner visualization. The dream, the imagination that doesn't feel like me.

To those who are not yet sensitive or channelers; guides, angels and loved

ones use the subconscious and unaware minds of people. I know that those of us associated with the Channeling Erik site are aware of this or at the very

least on the precipice of acceptance. This gives us all a leg up to help

bring others along. To start jump-starting everyone's journey. For we as a

society having mastered awareness of self are moving to becoming aware of that which is 'other'.

Awareness of others and our place amongst the 'other'. That which is

beyond our own self; Spiritual, global, and in the universe.

That is exactly what a vision is. Inner Awareness. Part of this is a waking dream that the spirit world uses to get across communication. Everything is energy. Everything, including that which is our inner minds. It is the bridge between worlds. It is where our body's chemicals, neurons, cells go smaller and smaller and smaller down to molecular and electrical, down to atomic exchanges. Down at this level it is able to interact with the other! It is this subtle function, where it all happens for communication.

People have a hard time understanding this or quantifying

it; or they are unable to create something tangible with it

so they pass it off as over exaggeration at best or flat out crazy at worst.

That's when we have no choice but to fall back on faith, acceptance, belief,

and perception. We use this to evaluate the so called message.

Then we decide what if anything we want to do with that message.

This become problematic for many people who

naturally lean to the materialist side of world views. For them, they want

Spirit to materialize solid right in-front of them and hit them in the head

with a fry pan and then go on national television and say "Ta da" here we

are. Now everyone get along, everyone make the world a better place, and all

hold hands for a new happy universe. (Well that was totally sarcastic on my

part, yes); But Spirit wants us to know such validation interferes with our free

will as individuals and as societies. Free will is one of the most sacred laws

of the universe. Interfering is a big no no.

Where does that leave us? It leaves us trying to interpret the world around

us. Are inner vision and various communications simply the delusion of the

ego, the id, the super id, the sub conscious; a mistake of bio-chemical

reaction or perhaps a Mal-adjusted person? Or does the subtle experiences

add up in synchronicity that have special proofs and meanings for our

life's? Faith.

If so, If this all adds up, what are we going to do about it. Why are we

seeking? No matter on what side of the fence we sit, Spirit wants us to own

our convictions and live them. For in owning our beliefs we begin to

understand that which is us, and this understanding is a key to spiritual

progress. I hope all of us, and society can embrace these ideas. For it

often leaves me confused. How can we accept Religious beliefs but not

mediumship? It's because people do not want to think for themselves.

They want the grand reveal. The "Ta Da". Even those of us in the thick

of things frequently blow off aspects of mediumship that we can't explain.

For me, there came a spiritual turning point to all my experiences. They had

reached a crescendo of experience that created a set of doors. I had to go

through one of them. One led to anti psychotics; one let to denial, inner

pain, drama, the wreckage of a soul; and the other led to this-- Acceptance

of a Spiritual journey. Belief. Faith, Hope-manifested as reality. A change

of perspective.

Love you! Jason

ps. I'll share something that Erik told me to tell Sharon the other day about vision.

"At his point its not so much about careful listening, as it is about trust, faith and willful intent of the process. You want to talk to him (Erik) so it is him. It will progress much smoother that way. "

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Jan. 08, 2011

nap time with Erik and Emily

Sigh....

I didn't get much sleep last night as after my Reiki attunement I my mind was racing and felt weird all over.

In any case. It's 2:00pm here and I am home alone. I thought I'd take the opportunity to take a nap. Well; I don't normally take naps in the afternoon anymore as frankly, before Erik came along and before I met my guides last Summer, my naps tended to include some scary paranormal stuff. Like my blankets being pulled off. Noises, growls, bed shaking, scary nightmares etc. You know-afraid of the bogey man so to speak. So I used to avoid them like the plague. Today was actually the first I've tried to take in ages and ages. But I didn't have any fear or anything like that.

So I lay down, turned on my electric blanket and tried to sleep. Well, as it would turn out, that was not to be. As soon as I shut my eyes, --still fully awake, my minds eye "Vision" clicked on and I saw a duplicate version of my room. And coming over the mattress was two snaky looking things. They were dark. I looked closer and what I was seeing was two little sock puppets with googly eyes. They were made out of purple and violet socks and someone below the bed was making hissing sounds. Emily slowly pulls her head up; eyes, first, and with a big grin say's "Boo!". Her hair kept flashing between red and white and curly straight. And she was wearing a blue dress that was mostly covered with this white dress that was lacy and let the blue sleeves and hem show. She was just wearing white socks. She then reached down and showed me this cabbage patch kid that looked just like her. Erik was across the room, behind her, sitting on my stair rail and had this raggedy Andy doll and was bopping it on his knee and was totally abusing it, shaking it from side to side and tossing it up and smacking it. Emily turned her head and scowled at him and got up off her knees and ran over and pulled off the sock puppets and started smacking him with them. I guess what was supposed to be "making sure Jason wasn't scared" turned out to be rough-house time". I rolled over and tried to go to sleep. Well, they were not done yet. Erik came over and sat on the the bed. And Emily got down beside it again and whipped out two ratty old blond barbie dolls that had no clothes. And she started smacking the two together to make noise. I was trying to ignore them. Erik then licked his finger and stuck it in my ear. I just HATE when he does that, because he actually uses energy to make my ear feel full and disgusting and it tickles like crazy! I am not lying, I can feel it. And then he says, "I can spit in your hair too!" and then starts tickling my hair.

Finally realizing I wasn't getting any sleep, I felt compelled to write to the both of you. So yea, Nap time with Erik and Emily = "deal with your issues and rough housing.." Which is fine as yesterday I promised the Spirit gang I'd work on writing today.

Gerrrrrr..... All I wanted was a snooze.. Erik's reply was, "Wahhhaaa? -We let you lay down for 20."

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Jan. 07, 2011

Since Xmas break, I'd not really tried to do any channeling of Reiki or source energy. I did look at it from time to time. And think about it. When I did my palms ached. And I felt it's cool wash against my scalp. I did occasionally briefly chat with Elizabeth. But I was more absorbed with other things.

Last night was part A of my first Reiki atunement with Ceridwen. Before we talked I reviewed my manual and images. I also went through my usual light work, centering, cleansing, and shielding. Shortly after that I was so ramped up and connected I had an interesting interaction of possibly meeting another spirit guide. We will have to see though. I need to follow up on that for further clarification. Here is what happened.

I was sitting on the spiritual 'porch swing' that Erik and I use in the void of my minds eye. Lydia came to me and sat down next to me. I put my head down on her shoulder to cuddle. And just enjoyed the love. Then another spirit came and sat down next to me. She appeared to be in black and white. Very tall and thin. With diaphanous black lacy somewhat transparent dress and long straight black hair. She had predominate features and a larger sloped nose and high cheek bones and long black lashes and fair skin. She reminded me of Elvira or Morita Adams almost. I mean that in a good way. Only she was all in black and had that look. She kept running her fingers through her hair, her bangs over her face like Jill does. She acted like she belonged there. and just looked at the two of us.

I was rather alarmed as I held the porch swing sacred so to speak- Our family "cuddle" spot. And so at first I wondered if this was Jillian messing with me. Lydia only grinned at me. And Erik wouldn't say anything. Finally I got so alarmed and frustrated given my emotional state and sleepiness at the time, I tried to politely tell them I didn't want to guess, or see anything for the rest of the night or next day until my Reiki stuff was done.

I ran through my energy connection/ grounding/ centering/ shielding techniques after reviewing my Reiki manual and thus was really connected Spiritually. I "looked" again and she was still there, only clearer and not so clouded. And I "heard" two names. Vivian- Gloria. She came near my higher self and I felt her push energy around me. Like she was wrapping a blanket around me. I saw and felt her want to have me lean back into it and close my eyes in her blanket and let myself go. I feel she is another of the hidden guides, but I am not sure of anything else. I guess her exoticness startled me. I am waiting to see if Robert is able to hear anything off the fly. If not, that's ok. It will go on the back burner for now. But I get the sense she is there to help manage energy flows during future mediumship trance. We'll see... on a related note. This morning I "saw" another female figure in shadow in a 17th century style dress. The kind with huge hip wire balloons under the dress and a big pompadour hairdo. She was walking back and forth in shadow. Maybe she is the last unknown guide Robert mentioned. hmmm....

Another interesting thing that I discovered (again!) is that my Reiki guide Elizabeth is a master at visual imagery. She's been communicating with me all week in symbols. When I talk to her the skin around my scalp burns and I feel dizzy sometimes. Until yesterday I did not fully realize this. I was rather startled! Because, at first I was getting very upset with my guides, when I tried to channel them I kept getting bizarre images. They all were trying to get me used to symbols. Like so much else... the experience precedes the lesson. The images were everything from cartoon like images to random visualizations of people performing actions. For example, I asked about the mental state of a friend. And they reply I got was a visual of a man face peering out of a thick pile of carpet. And that meant he was peering through a mass of thickness, feeling overwhelmed and tired with the effort. The also showed me my mental state-- reguarding my distaste for symbols. They showed me-- as a baby crying in an empty room. So strange this new way of communicating.

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Jan. 06, 2011

I just had a vision of Erik dressed in ninetenth century attire. In a big city. He was leaning on a big metal fence. He was wearing a berae an a tweed coat. a plaid sweater and pants that went down to his knees long brown socks. he had really curly hair. short on the side. below him was a box. And a girl. blond long hair came out and ran around him. she was in a little kids sailor outfit. and she said. ta daaaaa ! He looked very much the same in the face.

Jan. 05, 2011

yawn. I am so flippin sleepy. And a little weirded out. I was talkin to my guide lydia and a spirit I didnt know sat down next to me. my ear is hot like eriks channeled energy but Iam not sure what to do or say other than I m too tired. I told her if its anything I should no about to tell robert when i talk to him next. I have no clue who this spirit is... jill has a new hairdo. it could be my friend maria or a guide or erik just messin with me... sigh

Jan. 05, 2011

I shoped for garden plants online. Erik is no fun. He is totally uninterested, He said to call him back when I shop for motercycles. Sigh...He doesn't think I'll get to into gardening. He thinks I'll hate getting dirty and woose out. wow... that's some faith he has in me...

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Jan. 05, 2011

Erik Says,

"Comunication is not so much about careful listening as trust and faith and willful intent of process. You want to talk to him so it is him. It will progress much smoother that way. "

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Jan. 04, 2011

I NEVER believe in destiny. I am a firm believer in a fluid web of time. None of this fate crap. But I do believe there is a reason and purpose to every cause and effect and that it connects back to our perceptions. It's all revolves around the choice of a positive or negative outlook. And what, how, and why we choose to view it that way. Whatever happens.

I don't think any of us can put too much stock in any one view point as no one can see the total picture. And different elements of that picture are snapshots that mean different things to different people. And to be honest I don't think it matters. What matters is what it means to each of us individually; and thus what we do with it.

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Jan. 04, 2011

Jason to Robert via Email:

---------------------------------------

I FEEL GREAT!!!! Whhaaaa!!!!!

I've been reading the tablet and doing light excersises with our Spirit Teacher and my Reiki guide Elizabeth. I feel like my whole body is going to explode and is on fire. but in a good way. Wow.... what a high... aahhhhhaaahh!

They are laughing at me now... So amazing.

It feels like the air around me is undulating in great cool waves splashing up against my body. My crown of my head feels like it's on fire! My other Chakras pulse and I feel like my heart is going to leap out of my body. I feel like I am controlling my body from a great distance and reaching down a long tube and it feels like a thick heavy movement. I look about through this external control. Look down and my body and think, what is this flesh I work? What is this strange thick environment. Yukie!

If I let my eye focus go, I see a white mist all around me and it moves with figures. I feel like if I could pump my will into the mist I could call forth people and see them.

I just now hollered at Erik and I said, "Hey Erik!" and he yelled back, "WHA!" and I SAW him and Jil sitting on the porch swing together with dark sunglasses on and grinning at me. They held up their hands and were holding 4th of july sparklers and they both yelled out "WOoo--HOOoo!"

ha ha... So cool.

I guess I we, don't channel the light or Reiki, we are the light. We are one with the light WE drawn upon all that is within us that is already the light that is within and without and through to the Source, One with the divine. Manifest the Divine that is us that shines in the Universe always. The eternal flame that is us, without, within, forever and ever, the moving strand that is WE though-out time along with all that is. ha ha... Now If I can put a spiritual post-it-note on my forehead to remember this while in this life's body!

--------------------------

Robert to Jason

You are correct that WE are the light. WE are part of Universal Light and when called upon, It can heal us, integrate with us, and make us whole. It gives us whatever we need. I, You, We, are all One. We exist under the illusion that we are each a separate consciousness when in fact we are all part of the Same being.

********************************************************************

Jan. 04, 2011

An email exchange between Robert and I:

Jason to Robert:

so I just asked erik.. how come he only flips me off via YOU via the phone....? I aked how come he was meaner on the phone and if that was his way of pandering for attension...that maybe he was just as a big baby as me.... His reply was to fip me off with both fingers and then moon me and flip me off between his legs... then matthew came up the stairs and he flipped him off too.... ow he is sticking his finger in my ear trying to distact me as I text..... sigh...... I love the little pig... Jillian too!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Robert to Jason

LOL! He is rather vulgar, eh? I think he do that for attention, cause he doesn't talk that way or give me the finger expect when he pops in on phone conversations. He's always pal'ing around me and making small talk when it's just he and I. :-)

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Jan. 04, 2011

Here is another example of my private Erik Journal I keep on my office computer. I've shown you before. Q & A text file with Erik. He wants me to show you, to encourage you both to communicate this way to help with your own channeling and writing. Hope your OK with this type of thing. Erik says its fine even if you don't have a question; to just put down a simple statement or comment or even an angry note is fine too! I ask question of and to my guides this way too!

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Jason's Questions & Answers with Erik

( Eriks replies begin with a --- )

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1/4

@Erik

I really enjoyed talking last night. You guys feel like home. I always come away feeling refreshed and happy and content. Although on the other side of that it is a double edged. I feel a longing and melancholy wistfulness that I know can't be fixed until my time here is done. Kind of what I'd imagine being away in the war must be like. Life away from the family but with a job to do somewhere. Kinda sad at times, but knowing that I have a job to do and fulfill. Trying to find ways to accept it and do a good job. Even though you all are around, I imagine I miss you and your/that' life a great deal. Is it wrong to feel that way? I dunno. borderline weary, and tired of it. oh-la-looo..

----No worries, it will get better. It's/ your time here is neither here nor there. Sure we all had/have plans, but there are tons of little plans too, yours mine, mom's, Roberts, others too. Like Leo said, you have an eternity to work on everything. And like Master Baba said, Try not to worry to much, you are surrounded by love.

I know, it's just overwhelming at times. I feel like life plans should be more structured and regimented at times. What to do, where to go, when, how.

----Sometimes that's true, but not in this life. It's up to you really. Then, now, later. Most people hate that. They want direction, but they don't realize it's up to them. They don't really want it to be up to them. They even get really mad when they don't have someone to tell them what to do. They always ask us via mediums and expect details. But it really is up to them now! But they don't want to hear it. That's OK. It's about progress, and their level of spiritual being. The higher they are the more they accept that progress is truly up to them. Upon realizing this they truly accept it and firmly take the reigns of the progression of their life. But most people are not ready. Taking such charge is frightening to them. They don't want to believe they are a power, that they have the power. But it doesn't matter because there are an infinite number of experiences to have without having personal power. Time lets everyone find themselves. What is seen as a failure in becoming in this life is just a brief experience in the vast universe of experiences. There will always be a next time. They also get scared because they refuse to believe or see that the Spirit world is real. The real world. They think this is it, and they mistakenly believe that their life is a failure because they have misguided impressions of how they lived their life. They refuse to own their actions. So they perceive their lack of will as a failure. And they get scared that they are alone. That they will never have a second chance. It's sad really. Because you are never alone. But western society, religion and science has told them what is not plain solid in front of you is not real. That anything else or more is crazy. So you think this is it. That you are alone. So everyone walks around with this impending sense of doom and lowered expectations. That's all so much shit. People need to reconnect with their Spirit lives. They need to open their eyes and SEE again. They need to remember that their lives' are just another dip in the pool. They need to remember that they will get out dry off, party, have dinner and then go for another swim later. There's plenty of things to see under the water. People think just because they can't hold their breath forever that they will never get to see it all or understand it. But they need to remember to come up for air. Come up back to the real world. Remember that this life is just a short swim, a dip. That they can dive back down again to see more coral. Problem is people dive down and forget. It's dark some times. They can't see so well in the water, so they forget. They forget to hold their breath and drown, they fear sharks, the fear they can't swim, they forget to kick. They forget to come back to the surface. Or they just refuse to wear floaties. Some people are smart. They take swimming gear with them. They take scuba gear, or boats or inflatable rafts with cocktail drinks on them. Some people are life guards. Some people are sharks. Some of us on this side are even afraid of the water! They refuse to go in the water, or take another swim! So you see. It's not just you. You, mom, Robert, you have floaties on and you can see the BBQ on the beach, but you have to stay in the water for a while more. Don't worry we'll keep the food hot for you and have a towel for you when your done playing.

1/3

Thanks; I love you, you know.

----I know. lub you too dip shit.

haha

Hi, hi.

---get to work

---sigh...

Erik, did that whole 11111111 thing have any meaning for me?

---no, but your birthday did. Numerologists put too much emphasis on numbers and their communication. you need to understand, Angels and Spirits and universal synchronicity will never override or jeopardize free will. SO you may think numbers have deep significance, but it depends on your belief and perception. If you believe they do then you will manifest it in your life. If you don't then numbers are simply a snap shot message, or suggestion. The universe will never take away your free will. Granted your decision may have been made by you before you were born, or even subconsciously via your higher self.

1/1

Well, I know I am a total ass, jerk, pig, dumb shit. lame ass excuse for a man, human, spirit. Fail fail fail. Willful stubborn ridiculous piece of crap. That's all i have to say. Nothing you've not heard from me before. I am tired of it all. good night

---UGGGHHH you make me want to scream....

12/23

---I saw you, your such a shit, looking at all those old photos of the family, now your gonna feel all lonely and sad. Don't

I am ok, but yea, it's like a super charge of missin ya.

---I told you

Sigh....

---You should just skitattle, You'd not going to do anything anyway.

12/23

Dear Erik,

Hi brudder. just me again. Don't have much to say this morning. Am feeling kinda melodically. Just enjoying listening to some music. Thinking about the holidays. Lazy; thinking about just chill-in with family, the trip up north. Even so, my thoughts turn to you all, and those here and else where. Gotta try to get my thoughts off that and into the present here and now. Gotta try to live in the here and now. Trying to change that feeling of I belong elsewhere to I belong here and now...I miss my real family.

---You've got to live now. Suck it up, shut up and just live.

When you look at me, what do you see? Do you see me for who I am? Do you see what I have forgotten? Do you see me when I remember? Do you see me as when I remembered? Or do you see me in the future on the day I will remember. I feel something coming, but I don't know what. I can hear it approaching. It rumbles under my skin. I am tryin not to be afraid. It's dark in here. I can't see you. Where did you go. I know your near. I can feel you near. Can you see me? Do you know what I look like? Do you know where I am going?

---I see you, I see you for you. We all do. None of it matters, none of it. Just go, Love yourself and don't look away. Just love and live. Where you are going, who you were, what will be, doesn't matter. Just be real and live now. That's what matters. Not that other shit. Just live now- like you want to be. Life is about figuring out who you always were. Remember and become what you remember. How you feel about that? You will want that. Figure that out, and you will want it and be it.

12/22

Hi brudder. Lub you. I feel sleepy. I don't want nothin, just to say hi. YAWN.. I wanna nap.

I know I need to work on my journal, but am so sleepy. Darn, I missed the first bus. I suppose I could take the train? Nah...

---Your such a boob.

BOOOORRREEEEDD

---go home, quit whining..... Duh...

wwwwaaaaaaa

---belch....(belch)

Nice

---haha...

welll I miss read that whole channeling...

---well you were reaching.

---don't worry too much about m or tonight. I am sorry I went overboard. I know it hurts I was just trying to have fun.

its ok

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Jan. 03, 2010

I've been yakin at erik all night and hes been harassing me. I just said to him. why dont you lay down next to me and we can babble and prattle on through the night like we did when we were kids. he said. then id have to bop you on the head cause you wont shut up and go to sleep.... and I said.... whaaaaaa! Sharon would never do that.... And he said.... Yes she would... She smacked you good and plenty back in the day..... haha!

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Jan. 03, 2010

On another note, it's kinda funny looking back on Erik and me. He's the only Spirit and for that matter "person" ever that has ever cussed me out. I mean no body ever- cusses me out. Cause i would either A) kill them or B) never speak to them again.

I mean it's just shocking! I've been yelled at by Lydia before, but then she's been my mother in a past life. But never ever ever cussed at. My guides are normally super dignified. Erik though is a foul mouthed bundle of unconditional love. It's so shocking... Here's an example. "Damit-Jason, quit being such a fucking jackass, you self absorbed little shit! I am not going to leave you! I would have fuckin took off a long time ago if I didn't love your dumb ass. So quit being a little bitch and pick your self up and keep trying.".... He didn't say exactly that, but that is exactly the type of things he was saying to me.

I suppose these entries are gonna confirm my insanity or delusion for some people. That I need to haul myself to therapy. But then I'd ask, why are they reading it? Oh, well.. This is my therapy. Paranormal + Spiritual + Life = Blogging . That's me.

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Jan. 03, 2011

My two week holiday started out ok. The night before our departure we went to a dinner party at my co-worker's house. It was a lot of fun. I got to meet their new puppy. A labradoodle. 6 weeks old. Lydia also said it would be alright if I had a glass of spiced wine. I didn't feel very good about that but had one anyway. But, I had a fascinating experience while there. My co-worker noticed I was really distracted at dinner. The reason was I kept seeing a shimmering air in the shape of a human moving back and forth her dinning room. Well, I excused myself and went to the restroom. Upon which this figure followed me. While in the bathroom, I blew my nose and noticed that the figure had moved in front of me. To face me in front of the shower curtain. Well then it spoke in my mind. It was my co-worker's departed mother. She wanted me to tell her daughter that her daddy was there too. And that they so enjoyed watching her with her new puppy. And she wanted me to tell them that her daddy was there- right then. Well, I didn't feel comfortable with that, given all the people there. So I was followed around until we left. They were even in the car with us going home, because I said I would text my co-worker about it as soon as I got home. So I did, and her mother was super happy about that. She even volunteered to help me with mediumship in the future. But my guides were not thrilled about that at first only because they wanted me to ask them about it first and not go around them to other spirits about that topic. But Lydia and Erik asked me several times over the week to think about what type of Spiritual activities I might be interested in pursuing over the following years. I didn't' really see myself as being able to gather a formal circle or anything, although it does hold a great attraction to me.. I just don't see myself as being able to commit to that in the proper way in this life time. But, I do see myself as further developing mental mediumship and automatic-deep trance writing. I have a great interest in emulating that Brazilian medium. So they said, 'We'll see'. I don't really know. Right then I was feeling pretty overwhelmed by all the Spiritual expectation and my upcoming Reiki instruction.

Well, as we drove up north I was in a pretty good mood. The weather was just awful. But we made it safely up there. On Christmas eve., this year., we excused ourselves from visiting extended family's dinner as they are heavy smokers and distant relations that we do not have much in common with. So we've never felt that comfortable going over there. We have for the past 7 years, but this year we bowed out. We felt wonderful about that. It was just the two of us for a while. I really enjoyed that. We drove over to my brother in laws house and I met my new nephew. It was nice. But he was really crabby and had a cold. My brother in law is an artist and gave us a bunch of hand made pottery. We had a good several hours of visiting. Then we got take out Chinese from this Vietnamese restaurant. Asian food in the arctic hinterlands is not so good. Canned vegetables and funny sauces. But it was edible, and we didn't get sick. I gorged on cookies while there and gained 5 lbs! Then on Christmas day, I took a nap before everyone came over. I only wanted to sleep for a half hour. And I experienced a funny spiritual event. I suspect my guide Lydia or perhaps Jillian or Erik or somebody else woke me up right in time for company. Because I was sleeping one min. then the next I was roused by a woman's voice, or so it appeared calling to me. "Wake up". It was external in the room, disembodied, and had the hollow tunneling sound. Just like the other audio manifestations I've told you about. This, "wake up" call- happened twice. The first time, I just went back to sleep. The second time, I woke up with a big grin on my face and was happy for the experienced. Thrilled-I said, 'thank you'.

So right after that I went downstairs, upon which, our company arrived a few minutes later. Shortly after this, is when I took some orb photos. (I'll post them later) I know they were not very good quality photos. Of which materialists can essentially pass off, but I saw many orbs in them, and even a couple of actual faces.

Not much else happened during the trip. I was glad to get home as by Monday I was bored out of my mind. My in-laws are on a whole another universe than me, and I was feeling like a trapped animal. Oh, I did have one other experience. For the 2nd time, I tried to Reiki myself, even those I'd not been attuned yet. And just like last time, I made myself sick. (see my upcoming Reiki Journal ).

Well, after we got back home; now on week 2 of holiday break, we set about trying to entertain ourselves. My spouse work's retail and normally has several nights a week opposite of me. So normally I enjoy lots of time to myself. This works out great. We almost never have extended time alone in the house together. Also, when we are together I tend to take on the nurturing caregiver role and totally enjoy doting. WELL, normally. Like I said, we were not trapped in the house with bad weather 24/7 with no plan of action. And my spouse tends to be the opposite personality from me. Which under normal circumstances in short periods works out great! We totally play off of each other. But, trapped inside for 24/7-- not so much. He constantly wanted attention, and to be entertained. He had to have the tv on all the time for distraction noise. He constantly wanted to be busy, do something, work on something and wanted me to do the same--feed him, watch tv/movies--clean--work--go shopping... I got zero time to do anything spiritual. What I'd prefer to do is read in peace, or chill out alone with coffee, tea or something. But I got no peace.

This totally sounds like bitching, and it is- I apologize, but I wanted to set up the scenario for you.

So all that was going on. And for the first few days I was fine. So relationship problems and personality, and Spirituality collided. The lack of outlet for it led to me feeling sorry for myself. Which led to very selfish thoughts, which let to an even worse attitude. Which led me to desire a mental escape. As I may have mentioned in the past I dealt with such things with obsessive behaviors which let me escape. Things that seemed to only harm me. But isolated me from internal pain. Well, the problem with these behaviors in an obsessive form is that I take them to an extreme. I isolate myself from everyone and everything for hours and hours at a time. Totally ignoring the world around me. To make it even worse, I totally block, ignore, and was rude to my guides and Erik/Jill, and totally blew them off in my quest to escape my situation. Erik was HOT on my ear, actually pulling it and causing it to heat up even and my face, trying desperately to distract me from self abuse. But I was a total ass to him and told him to go away. So instead of seeking their help to try and do something productive and worth while and further myself, I withdrew. I was also a total ass to Matthew. And of course, because of my upbringing I felt shame, guilt and hated myself afterward. I then proceeded to mentally beat myself to a bloody pulp. Every horrible thought I could think of about myself I thought it. Finally I was so overwhelmed emotionally I was a total wreak. So at 2 am I lay on the couch by myself almost in tears while Erik, yelled and cussed me out. Him, Jill and Lydia were totally pissed off. So after the yelling they told me to go to bed.

All week I've been trying to keep myself from turning back to a self absorbed self hating obsessive pile of goo. You know, totally avoiding the negative and ignoring it and trying to grit my teeth and smile. Not let myself simmer inside. My tantrums = emotional self abuse. Sigh....

It all stems from getting overwhelmed spiritually, and then having to come home and be overwhelmed with family drama-24/7 for 2 weeks, my past troubles and relationship problems. It all made me overwhelmed-- No outlet. Like I needed a 2 week vacation from them all, just to myself.

So, that night after I got out of my funk at 3am and when to bed I was so low emotionally that I was assaulted by disturbing images. Images that did not seem to come from me at all. I had no control. Every time I closed my eyes they assaulted me. In a panic I struggled with the light and shielding excersises I'd been taught and not used all week...... and the shadows swirled around the room. I felt like I could see figures in the room with me. That sounds crazy, but remember, I've been haunted and visited by shadow people. So I am still a little resentful towards my guides for those experiences. I'd been totally ignoring my guides and Erik and Jill for the previous two days to let myself be in a funk.

So they were super pissed at me. So they let me stew. Well the images and shadows were starting to scare me and I was feeling sorry for myself and my behavior and wanted to crawl back. So as I lay there and asked for their forgiveness I looked up at the picture frame that I see them and Erik in, and in the dark-- all I could see was a dark outline. But, as I looked at it almost in tears from beating myself up; as I looked at it- little pencil eraser sized green and yellow orbs appeared and started slowly undulating around the picture frame. Just one or two at a time. Real slow. Trailing a tail. Then disappearing. There also seemed to be a gray haze around the wall, that at time blocked the surrounding window. This all came about cause I asked Erik if he was still there and still loved me. I felt soo lonely. Like there is no one in the world that can relate to me. I lamented on why I had to live, why I had to go through this life. I was calling it the cruel joke. Which in hind sight is totally stupid. And I know all the reasons why and how it "really is". But still I was feeling pretty down.

I suspect I make my guides and Erik regret taking me on. That I was way more than they bargained for.

Well, The next day I thought I was better. I started the day OK. But, late in the morning Matt was driving me crazy, with seeking attention, when I just wanted to be left alone to regroup and recenter. So I went back into self hating mode. But managed to get out of it a couple hours later. Part Erik part self will that I just didn't want to be like that. So the rest of the day was fine and productive.

Well, that was my break. I am hoping this week will go better. Yesterday I managed to sucessfully pull my shit together, reconnect with spirit and the ghosty-gang! I think we are all good now. I hope. --- I am tired though. I don't know why I love to beat myself up like that. I seem to be a glutton for punishment. I wish I had stronger will power and more motivation. Erik says I am doing much better than most would have; than he would have. But, I really struggle. I still struggle with self hate, shame, guilt, pain, loneliness, fear... I sometimes feel like a failure. Which makes Erik crazy. Cause I really do have a fuckin good life. A good stable job, a stable relationship, my own home, a decent family who loves me. So when I get overwhemed I let the shit hit the fan and have a total melt down. I pick my self up and try to keep going. Erik says this is my key. He says most people would let themselves be taken over by the negitive but I keep trying. It's hard to listen to "them" at times. Cause I wish they were incarnate and could just hold me and tell me it's gonna be ok. I KNOW I am OK... and will be OK...

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Dec. 29th

Me on the nature of orbs caught on camera:

Many manifestations can only be seen by those open to them and those willing to believe. And to those who do not, there will always be a mundane explanation. I really don't see a conflict in combining the materialist view point with the spiritual view point. Indeed most phenomena can be either or. It really is all about faith and ones own personal experience of phenomena. Same with visions, and telepathy. Is it subjective? Is it misguided? Gestalt? A mental disease, or delusion or real? my gut tells me spirits use lighting phenomena and the camera record of it as a way to get us to 'feel' their presence. To help push us further along the path to communication.

There are many photo ITC/ instrumental trans-communication web sites that delve deeply into orbs, photo communication, recordings, ect. There are literally hundreds of view points and opinions on such things. But really does it matter? What did this experience mean to you? Are you going to let someone tell you and move your opinion that spirit communication is not real? If so that's OK.

Here are some ITC web sites:

I think you will find these websites facinating.

http://www.transcommunication.org/

http://pjouini.perso.sfr.fr/menugb.htm

http://welcome.to/mistys

http://www.itcdeadpeople.com/index.html

http://www.itcbridge.com/

Personally I believe that all such manifestations, whether there is a natural or mundane explanation are valid. Why? Because they trigger feelings, insight, faith and other forms of communication. The meaning behind the meaning. Signs and portents. Symbols and images. Faith and feelings. Yes, that flare is a flare, yes that dust is dust, yes that poem is a poem, yes that static is static..... But... It is also MORE!

There is no such thing as a Spiritual smoking gun. There will always be ways to blow all of "THIS" off. The key has always been, to look within, and determine, how you feel about it and then what are you going to do about it. I wish I could offer you more proof, or guidance. But I am just feeling my way along all this too.

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Dec. 24th 2010

Robert and I channeled a couple messages from Erik and Elisa's guide and passed them along tonight.