Two deaths in one month time span is too much

posted Aug 16, 2017, 11:02 AM by David Alan Binder
Two deaths in one month time span is too much!

This forum is completely different than anything else I have written.
In the past one month time span there are been two deaths in our family.

Hard to process the depths of emotions we have experienced.

Culture determines the remorse or regret or rage or remembrance we feel.

If we were abused by that individual then a whole different range of emotions can ensue.

If that abuse was not experienced by the other siblings then that even compounds those emotions further.

I get the usual platitudes; "Sorry for your loss", etc.

They are culture learned and said and are selected based upon the "brain search" each of us does to convey to the other that the death is recognized.  But it does not come from their heart.

A simple, "Oh, how sad for you." or "This must be hard for you." or something that conveys true emotion.

Even worse are those words that are said thinking that one had a loving relationship and not some other kind of relationship.  

You don't know and will never know what I feel.

I don't even know what I feel sometimes.  My feelings are all over the map of emotions and they are very real.

So if I may be so bold; I am feeling powerful feelings.  Emotions that I've not felt in years.

So many questions go unanswered when someone dies that holds those answers and held back those answers or refused to answer them.  Even when they perform revisionist history by not acknowledging how certain events came to be is just beyond my realm of belief and it is maddening.

But I have a right to be mad, to be angry and to be sad for reasons that are my own.  

Thanks Dear Readers and Dear Writers, for letting me get this out of my head somewhat.

It may have been a rant but a necessary one for me, even if no one ever reads it.  This is a journal-ing of my singular journey.

Thanks for listening.




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