The Thing+Rebuttal

posted Jun 13, 2015, 2:57 PM by David Alan Binder   [ updated May 16, 2016, 7:19 AM ]
THE THING

It was creepy and always in the way.  It made the hair on the back of the thing stand up and made him scream in agony at the thing.  It vexed him, it haunted him, it was everywhere.  The thing was so intrusive that he decided to get the thing and beat the thing with the thing until the thing was either dead or he died.  It was so insidious and invasive and intrusive that the thing cluttered his mind with things that it should not have been cluttered with.

"Honey", she shouted, "Don't forget the thing."

"What thing?" he queried, "I don't know which thing you mean.'

"Oh, you know" "That thing that is setting on the table"

Finally we were getting somewhere.  "Which table?"  "The dining room table?"  "No."  "The kitchen table?"  "No"  "The coffee table?"  "No"  "The end table?"  "Yes."  Again we were getting closer."  "Which end table?"  "The one in the living room?"  "No."  "The one in the bedroom?"  "Yes."  "Which bedroom?"  "The pink room?"  "No."  "The spare room?"  "No."  "Our bedroom?" "Yes, see you know it."  "OMG, I'm just guessing and finally got it!"  "Okay I found it."  "Thank you, dear."  "No problem."

So real communication is meaningful.  It conveys what we are talking about in terms that the listener can figure out without guessing.  "The Thing" should never enter the conversation since it conveys no meaning whatever unless that item was just used in the previous conversation.  This is a serious subject, since I know way too many people who communicate this way and if they wrote like that it would be horrendous.

So the next time we meet, thank you, for not using that dreaded word, "The Thing".  Let it die a horrible death and never enter our lives again for some monsters deserve to die.



Okay in fairness this is the rebuttal of the person that uses "the thing" in conversations:

It is very shiny. It is full of sparkles, rainbows, and ethereal grandeur.  When you look at it, it almost sings with the resonance of wonderfulness.  Just gazing upon the intricacies of it is a marvel.  Its usefulness is amazing to behold, grand beyond measure.  The richness to the ear sings with colors never imagined or dreamed possible.  No female or even male for that matter would ever cast it aside, for its usefulness is priceless.  However, some unenlightened souls have embarked upon a lone quest of casting it out.  These numbered few, the embittered, find it to be abhorrent to them.  They in their desperation to discard it, only find to their shame, that it is indeed most wonderful, intricate and useful.  It shall live on for all generations to be revered forever.  It will forever be spoken with hushed tones in hallowed halls by its wonderful name, …




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..."The Thing".

 
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