094 - Chapter 94

(Illustration: I would really love to know who was responsible for this beautiful drawing, and how it ended up on my phone, if it was not the work of one of my grandchildren. Please get in touch so I can give credit to it)

Mam didn’t have Covid, when she died in the July of 2020. but she, like many other elderly people, especially in care homes, had keenly felt the effects of the government’s enforced isolation rules, and she “wilted like a rose”, or so her carers said, each petal falling as Lockdown wore on.  So many people lost that all important physical contact with family and friends at that time, and were acutely lonely.

It must have been so terrifying for all concerned, when NHS trusts decided that all hospital inpatients medically fit to leave would be discharged to make room for incoming patients with Covid. Not all at the time were tested at first, and some of these patients were discharged into care homes. This was a disastrous decision for some. Fortunately for us, this was not the case at Eothen.

Even when the Lockdown isolation period was over, we could only visit mam by speaking to her through a closed window, mouthing conversation and miming to her, but being deaf, she couldn’t quite make out all that we were saying. Eventually a covered space was set up in the garden to the back of their building, right beside their French windows, where visitors could arrange a time to chat to their loved ones. I took my guitar along at times, and mam and I sang a few good old-fashioned hymns together; but she looked a little lost and confused, and she couldn’t concentrate.

When she became ill, and was taken to hospital, only one designated visitor was allowed by her bed; this was Joan, who was able to connect the three of us using ‘Facetime’ on her laptop, so we could have chat together. I remember being told after one of our singing sessions on Facetime, that one of the nurses was in floods of tears. It really must have been so traumatic and so difficult for the staff on these wards.

Just when we thought mam was getting better, and was due to return to Eothen, she had a relapse as a nurse assisted her back to her bed from a bathroom visit. I was allowed to stay with her throughout the night in her room, which gave Joan a break. 

Mam died that next morning.

It was so good of the hospital staff to have allowed me to sit with her, see to her needs and be there with her at the end of her life. Covid was all around, but how could we not be with her? 

Some people during the pandemic, never did get the chance to say their goodbyes in person as we did!  I cannot begin to imagine what that was like for them all. It would have finished me off!

For quite a while afterwards, I couldn’t look at mam’s photographs, the grief was too raw. But on what would have been her birthday in January 2021, Joan and I went to the Garden of Remembrance at Tynemouth Crematorium, and I took along her special ‘Great Grandma’ photograph album. And rather than sit and think sad thoughts, Joan and I looked at all the beautiful times we had shared together as a family, and we smiled and remembered, and I found after that, I was able to look at photos of her at home once more!

What a huge gap our parents leave when they die, do they not?

A few weeks later I visited the chiropodist who had regularly treated my mam over the years. Mam and I used to go together there, and she would go first, and I would hold her hand during treatment, but this time, the minute I sat in the chair, the floodgates opened.

After a very full day, I would find myself thinking, “Oh, I haven’t phoned, my mam today!” Then I have to remind myself she’s no longer with us. 

The photograph of her smiling face beams at me on our corner table in the lounge before I go to bed at nights, and I kiss her and tell her goodnight, and I remind myself that she’s in God’s loving arms now, not ours.

And so time moves on.

I inherited my mam’s large print Bible, and one night when reading it through I found she had marked a small dot of red nail varnish on one particular verse. It was a quote from John’s gospel, chapter 14. 27 which has been a source of comfort to me ever since. 

It says:

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.

I do not give to you as the world gives.

Do not let your hearts be troubled,

 and do not be afraid.

My children got this verse printed out in gold lettering for me, and I had it mounted on my bedroom wall. It’s beautiful, and if I ever have trouble getting off to sleep, I’ll think upon these words, and off I go in no time at all.

Outlandish conspiracy theories began to surface on the internet, many of them conjured up by masterminds of deception and doomsayers. Some were unbelievably weird!

Covid had spread like wildfire through the USA, where such theories seem to abound, and given the blasé attitude of their president, President Trump, towards Covid, and his initial opposition to the wearing of masks, it’s a wonder there was anyone left alive in that country!

There were ways we could all help each other through though. When a neighbour or friend actually came down with Covid:- there was nothing to stop people leaving a carton of broth, or stew, or a cake on their doorstep; or give a knock on the door and chat at a distance,  or even leave a card, or a bunch of flowers for them just to encourage them and say how much we cared. This kind of support was much appreciated.

In the November of 2020 we entered a second Lockdown, and then rules were relaxed again in the lead up to Christmas, the busiest time, of year for everyone, so the festive season could be enjoyed. 

We wondered if this was wise?

During this lockdown I tackled videos for ‘The Christmas Story’ album I’d recorded,

https://www.youtube.com/playlist...

and later on, further on down the line, I completed vidoes from ‘The Easter Story’ album.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist...

All in all now, there are well over two hundred free videos for people to access for Zoom services, church services, online worship or for personal listening on my website. www.sheilahamil.co.uk

One of the things that really lifted my spirits during that Christmas in 2020, was seeing all the Christmas lights outside of homes on our estate. Everyone had really made an effort, and all these decorations seemed brighter and sparklier than ever. It was a real joy for Bob and I to walk around our estate in the evening, as one of our walks, and see them all. They served to chase away winter’s gloom, and that sense of loneliness and sadness, even if just for a while.

‘Strictly Come Dancing’ on the television also brought much cheer to everyone, with its colour, glitz, glamour and creative choreography, from September to Christmas. The winners that year were Bill Bailey and Oti Mabuse, seemingly a very popular choice.

We also had an ‘at a distance’ Christmas meal with Peter and his family, in our lounge through to the conservatory, with a table separating us for safety’s sake. We played games at a distance too remembering old times as a larger family. Only a certain number of people were allowed to gather together that Christmas, and this was called a ‘bubble’!

Through all of this trauma, isolation and wariness about social distancing, mental illness was becoming a real problem for many people, especially for those who lived on their own during this period, and who had been so used to mixing freely.

Reports were coming in too, of patients who had developed a long-drawn-out illness, as a result of catching Covid, which was being called ‘Long Covid’. A close friend of mine had this and has suffered with fatigue, clots on the lungs and breathing difficulties ever since. She still hasn’t fully recovered to this day!

There was always some kind of sad news each day, rolling in and rising up like a tide to engulf us. So why don’t we right now listen to this next song written by a friend of ours, (or look the video up on my webpage under LOCKDOWN LEGACY), and let that that tide of ‘anxiety and uncertainty’ roll back and disappear. Let it bring a sense of calm to us as we listen to its lyrics. The background photos to this video show the route we walked in the Rising Sun Country Park every single morning in Lockdown. Watching it transports me back to that time in an instant, especially Lisa's prayer tree and that 360-degree view at the top of that pit heap, where I prayed for an end to the virus.

Here is ‘Say goodbye to uncertainty’, written and sung by Steve Metcalf, and performed by his group, Minor Technicality

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktxprifbDNg...

In January 2021, Boris Johnson, our Prime minister, announced yet another ‘Lockdown’, why did that surprise me following our Christmas break with so many families mixing together? Perhaps the government reasoned that we, as a country, needed the Christmas  break, to lift our spirits; although the cynical part of me tells myself it had more to do with keeping the economy buoyant!

One week into January brought snow and black ice, and paths around our country park were extremely difficult to walk on too. We had to be careful where we walked as we certainly didn’t want to go to hospital with broken bones! Many expressed their worries, their grief and their heartache and we hoped and longed for spring again, and an end to our ‘winter of discontent’.

Chris Witty, chief medical officer at the time kept us all informed about Covid, with graphs and statistics each evening on our television screens. He was actually a source of comfort to many, but our prospects, and future prosperity as a nation looked bleak.  The number of infections and hospital admission numbers were going sky high again. The standard of children’s education was obviously affected, because of school closures, and lessons were conducted by teachers on the internet. GCSE, AS and A level exams had to be cancelled because of all the disruption caused by the pandemic, and grades based on teacher assessments of course work were offered instead.

Suddenly there was a glimmer of hope, as over 80’s were being called up to receive the very first vaccines. An end to Covid seemed in sight . . .

Our daughter sent us a series of fresh food meals by delivery, to make up ourselves as a gift! Long distance journeying had been curtailed and so we missed seeing her and her family. For eight whole months, we’d had no physical contact with them; but so many people were in exactly the same boat as us. On the other hand, some parents and grandparents were seeing children who lived abroad more often, because of Zoom!

Bob and I made ourselves useful, with the help of many Facebook friends in purchasing insulated tents called ‘sleep pods’ for the homeless; and we were able to purchase 25 of them, which we handed on to the local North East Homeless centre. So many gave willingly for such a worthy cause! If we found it tough in Lockdown, how on earth did the homeless manage?

March 2021 marked one year since the first Lockdown. We never thought it would last as long, and yet Covid-19 is still out there with us today, and who knows what mutations we’ll face in the future? But now we had vaccines. Bob was given his first vaccine the following January, and felt very shivery and cold for a couple of days afterwards. I got my jab in the February with no ill effects at all.  By April we would both have our second one.

In April shops reopened again for customers, but we all wore masks when we entered and disinfected our hands as well as our shopping trolleys. At least most people did! But even then, I hesitated about going to the hairdresser’s shop to have my hair cut. I hadn’t been for a while, so I asked Bob to give my ‘hair a ‘little trim’, and let’s just say it didn’t work out, and I’m not going to let him come near me with a pair of scissors again! 

In April too, we watched Prince Philip’s funeral on TV being conducted in St George’s Chapel in Windsor Castle; we saw Her Majesty the Queen sitting alone in her church pew, looking so sad, but still very dignified in her grief.

Despite the many traumas and challenges of Lockdown, despite the horrendous family tragedies that had occurred, I think we also came to see that there were ‘true  stars in the darkness; such as the NHS and other key workers, who through their bravery and heroism, had made great personal sacrifices to care for the afflicted of our nation; here also were great acts of love and kindness being shown in the community; and an increase of neighbourly communication.

Because of all this isolation and social distancing, we now craved for the kind of hugs we all once enjoyed and perhaps took for granted as parents, grandparents and friends?

We somehow seemed to appreciate life and living, and each other more, as a result!