Noah

I am Noah, and this is my wife

I’m Mrs Noah, I am.

And these are our sons, our very own sons.

He’s Japheth!

He’s Shem!

And I’m Ham!

Now one day God.. spoke to me...

...seeing he was a righteous man.

He knew our dad would listen well!

Cos’ that’s the kind of man I am.

He said..

I’M FURIOUS WITH THESE PEOPLE OF MINE

I MEANT THEM TO BE GOOD!

NOW BECAUSE THEY’RE DIS-O-BEDIENT,

I INTEND TO SEND A FLOOOD!

(Noah looks puzzled)

(So God repeats the word) ...

FLOOD ...SORRY!

I’M LOOKING FOR SOMEONE JUST LIKE YOU.

TOUGH, STRONG AND A VERY BRIGHT SPARK!

YOU’LL PUT IN PLACE MY RESCUE PLAN

FOR YOU WILL BUILD AN ARK!

Well I knew I couldn’t do it all on my own

I’d needed some strong young men

So I said to Noah, ‘Well the boys’ll help!

Ask Japheth and Ham and Shem!

We’re up for it dad, we really are,

We’ll help you all we can

Eeeh I’m proud of my boys, I’m proud of ‘em all

But particularly my old man.

We set to work the very next day

And we did what God had said.

We toiled and we sweated in the heat of the sun

Until it was time for bed.

We followed God’s measurements carefully

It all went without a hitch

We built it long and we built it high

And we sealed it all with pitch

They did work hard these men of mine

Surely you must agree.

Whenever I saw them feel the strain

I took them cups of tea.

But God also said to me...

EVERYTHING ON EARTH MUST DIE

AND ALL WILL LOSE THEIR LIVES

BUT YOU AND YOUR MISSUS WILL BE SAFE

ALONG WITH YOUR SONS AND WIVES!

I’LL SEND ALONG SOME ANIMALS

AND SAVE THEM FROM THE SQUALL! . . .

Aside with dictionary (A squall is a sudden or violent storm of wind, especially with rain or snow or sleet) smiles

AND FOR FORTY DAYS AND FORTY NIGHTS

I WILL CAUSE THE RAIN TO FALL.

Which was great for us and the animals...

But not nice for the people at all!

Well I asked Noah about this boat

I told him, if I had a vote

I’d build it where it would float

Did he listen? No!

Silly old goat.

Well I said he was a laughing stock

To build a boat on sand and rock

He must have had a mental block

Did he listen? No!

Poppy cock!

And the other day there was a right to do

His front porch looked like London Zoo

I said, ‘Are these animals going in two by two?’

Did he listen? No!

Not a clue!

Well he told me on the quiet

He’d been in touch with ... God

He gave me a wink and a nod

I thought that rather ... odd

But did he listen? No!

Silly old ...so and so!...

BUT...Noah also told me ...there’s going to be a flood!

A flood?

And an awful lot of mud!

Mud? That can’t be good

Was that a drop of rain?

(they look horrified,  put up the umbrella and hurry off)

Oooooh DEAR!!!!!!!!!

Dad it’s getting very dark!

You’d better put the floodlights on son!

Dad where do you want these bees put?

Put ‘em in the Ark Hives

Dad we’re not going to get much fishing done!

How’s that?

We’ve only got two worms!

Let them off the hook this time!

Husband I don’t trust that animal over there.

Which one?

The last one in.

Do you mean the cheetah?

Exactly!

Dad now the bees have gone on strike!

Why?

They want more honey and shorter working flowers!

Right lads, they’re all in, and it’s raining!

Close the door, and sing us all a song.

We’re on our way!

It’s raining , it’s pouring

The lions and tigers are roaring

If we’re shut in

With all this din,

It certainly won’t be boring!

(wiping its face) Is it too late to send for another two antelopes? (Family are horrified)

We’ve been cooped up for forty days & nights, has anybody any new ideas about how to pass the time?

Well we could play cards!

We can’t, mum’s sitting on the deck!

I think you’d better have a word with the chickens dad.

Why?

They’re using fowl language again!

Very funny son. Are there any apples left!

We’ve only got ‘pairs’!

Seriously though, we haven’t got much food left, for us OR the animals.

Dad! It’s stopped raining! (All shout) Hurrah!

I think what we’ll do is send out a bird and see if it comes back!

Which bird will we send?

(VERY DRAMATIC MUSIC HERE...INSTRUMENTAL SOLO:  Hands are placed on dad’s shoulders)

We’ll send out the dove, the bird of peace to explore our brand new world.

To fly on fresh currents of wind with wings unfurled!

It will cross new frontiers, ride the waves with nerves of steel,

And return with bated breath to tell us of its ordeal!

(They all pull faces)

It’s only a bird dad!

It WILL return ...over a new leaf! 

(Here the girls sang Amy Grant’s song ‘Thy Word is a Light unto my path!)

Scene 5  Everything is fine and dandy, dandy

NOAH, COME OUT OF THE ARK. YOU AND YOUR WIFE AND YOUR SONS AND THEIR WIVES.

BRING OUT THE CREATURES SO THEY CAN BE FRUITFUL AND INCREASE IN NUMBER.

NEVER AGAIN WILL THE WATERS BECOME A FLOOD TO DESTROY ALL LIFE.

THIS RAINBOW IS A SIGN OF MY PROMISE.

Here we are speaking to you directly from Mount Ararat; and we’re wondering if Noah will be first out of the ark

Or will he be the second one out?

No, look you’re wrong. Noah is coming forth out of the ark!

Noah! Over here Noah! Tell us all about it! (Noah meets them, big clamour of noise... chats and walks out with his family. They listen to him then turn to the audience)

1) The Lord said to Noah, ‘There’s gonna be a floody, floody, (x2)

Get those children out of the muddy muddy,

children of the Lord.’

Rise and shine and give God his glory, glory (x3)

children of the Lord.

2) The Lord he told Noah to build him an arky, arky, (x2)

Build it out of gopher barky, barky.

children of the Lord. CHORUS

3) The animals, the animals, they came on by twosies twosies (x2)

Elephants and kangaroosies, ‘roosies

children of the Lord. CHORUS

4) It rained and poured for forty daysies, daysies (x2)

Almost drove those animals crazies, crazies,

children of the Lord. CHORUS

5) The sun came out and dried up the landy, landy (X2)  Everything was fine and dandy, dandy,

Children of the Lord. CHORUS  

Song source anon