Extreme Makeover

I wrote this drama for a group of teenagers at a church holiday club in Kingston Park. It reflects the observation that society is obsessed with beauty on the surface and the outward appearance. So porcelain replaces enamel, silicone replaces tissue and fat is ‘liposuctioned’ off to infinity. It has almost become a crime to venture into the street and not be perfect in everyway...a sin not to be size 0...

God desires a different sort of beauty. It can be found in our hearts, and it shows itself in good deeds.

Props: (Producer’s board and script)

Scene 1

(Three entrants each read out their requests, mentioning some of their own bad habits or faults. Here follows an example)

Dear Extreme Makeover, my name is ****, and I am *** years old, and I am single. I still live with my mother and my father, but I am not a happy person. I need your help to make me feel beautiful. Friends at my school say I’m not a nice person to know, they won’t speak to me and they call me names. This is possibly because I’m rude and spiteful, quite often unkind. I don’t like other people and they don’t like me. I pray every night that I can be different, popular and friendly, but I don’t think this can happen without your help. So please, Extreme Makeover, make my big wish come true, help me feel like Cinderella at the ball, let me be a fairy tale come true. Please choose me for a makeover.

(The other two read out similar scripts…)

Producer: (knocks at her door) Good morning. Is your name Terri?

Terri: It is!

Producer: Congratulations Terri, you have been chosen out of thousands of people to have an Extreme Makeover! ( She ‘over’ reacts with joy, and celebrates her joy with friends)

Scene 2

The operation

A table is carried on, and a large sheet is held up in front of it, a powerful lamp or OHP is switched on behind the actors to show their shadows: have ready also …bold cardboard cut-outs of the following :-

a saw, the word SIN, a horseshoe, a mouse, a boot, 2 hearts, (one large the other small) a large needle and thread(string)… and also some sausages (nylons stuffed with cotton wool.

Producer: Today we have Dr Ophelia Payne who is our surgeon, FACS, of the UCLA clinic. She is already at work on Terri. She has already outlined his plan for her. It is threefold . . .

NUMBER 1 : To use liposuction to clear out all those gross deposits of sin that cling.

Terri: Will it hurt Doctor?

Doctor: It will hurt you more to hold on to sin and all those bad habits... and whatever else is in there. (the contents are slowly removed)

NUMBER 2: She will also take away her heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh. (small heart drawn out, large heart put in) She will enlarge her heart so she can grasp the height, the depth, the breadth and the length of God’s love.

NUMBER 3: Terri will also be given an eye lift. She will then be able to raise her eyes to the hills from whence will come her strength and her help.

(She is sewn up, and she returns in front of the sheet. Light off))

Producer: How do you feel Terri?

Terri: Better already!

Scene 3

Props: ( Fitness instructor’s board; whistle, crown and watering can with the words HOLY SPIRIT written on the side)

Producer: And now your bandages are off, let’s see if you’re ready for the fitness regime we have planned for you. So far so good. Now to our fitness expert, over to you Mr Vick Torious!!!

Vick: Exercise is important. . . So leave all worries and anxieties behind. . . and in everything by prayer and petition, give thanks to God… Off you go!. . . ( Terri jogs everywhere. Vick yells) Stop looking behind . . . Fix your eyes on the goal ..Run towards what is ahead, and PRESS ON for the prize for which God calls you heavenward. . . Run in such a way as to get the prize. . . . Everyone who wants to get fit goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown (hold crown up high) that will last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. . . DON’T RUN AIMLESSLY!

Producer(to the audience): Will all this work? We’re all praying it does the job! It’s completely up to you Terri: whether this works or not! (Terri collapses on the floor with exhaustion!)

Producer and Vick look at Terri and both shake their heads…enter helpers with watering can, which has HOLY SPIRIT written on the side of it.

Producer: You can’t do everything in your own strength. So be filled with the Holy Spirit every day. He will carry you up and on . . . and energise and equip you.

Terri: (is suddenly re-energised, shouts “Whoo!” and jogs again joyfully)

Scene 4

Producer: Terri, we still have other areas on which to focus. Let’s hear from the Dentist : Mr Hal E Tosis.

Dentist: Never mind PORCELAIN VENEERS! EVERYONE is BEAUTIFUL when they just SMILE! So I say REJOICE IN THE LORD ALWAYS AND AGAIN I SAY REJOICE!

Producer: And now the Laser ‘Eye surgeon’ Mr C Good:

Eye Surgeon: Don’t be fearful of the wind and the waves in life. Fix your eyes upon…..Jesus, AND AGAIN I SAY, Fix your eyes upon Jesus!

Producer: And now some advice on hair from Miss Iona Frizz!

Hair stylist: Never mind bouffants and pobs and bobs! Just remember the very hairs of your head have been counted by God, AND AGAIN I SAY, the very hairs of your head have been counted!

Terri: Now I know that God must care for me very much! Knowing that has made me beautiful indeed.

Scene 5

Props; (flowers and/or layers of net curtains/ colourful sarongs)

Producer: And, Terri, we can’t let you go without a whole new wardrobe! We need some garments that suit God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved. (Enter assistants who dress Terri, as each word in CAPITALS is spoken) We’re clothing you with COMPASSION… KINDNESS… HUMILITY… GENTLENESS… and PATIENCE… Bear with each other and FORGIVE… whatever grievances you may have against one another. . .

and over all these garments…put on LOVE… to complete the outfit; this will bind everything together in perfect harmony.

Producer: Now Terri, it’s time for your big REVEAL! Your friends are all waiting for you in the lobby. Are you ready?

(They go out one door, the producer enters another, with Terri waiting in the wings)…

Extreme Makeover, proudly presents to you… the eternally beautiful… Terri (…ooohs and aaahs…tears and cuddles. Everyone is happy.)

( I hope Ethan Winer doesn’t mind, but the funny names in this drama were found on his website. Check out his webpage!)