Ahab and Elijah

In the style of the Jerry Springer show....

Crowd all chant: JERRY...JERRY...JERRY

Jerry:(To King Ahab who is seated on stage)

"We had a complaint from one of your subjects

Who sadly now is dead.

His property was stolen

Strange how you inherit it instead!"

King Ahab: (To Jerry)

"If you're accusing me of theft

You'll need some better proof,

Or perhaps a stronger witness

Brave enough to speak the truth."


"We have here a prophet named Elijah

He knows well what has transpired.

He knows enough, he knows you well,

He knows the thugs you hired."

King Ahab: (looking scared now, tried to laugh it all off)

"Elijah—how pleased you’ve come,

I’ve been in touch with Charlie Dimmock,

She’ll get my garden done.

I have no need of gimmicks

I’ll have a water fountain over here,

And a pond right over there.

I’ll have cherry trees and orange trees,

One apple and a pear.

I’ve great plans for my vineyard,

Off you go, but come back soon.

Then you won’t recognise my garden,

It’ll be the finest in Jezreel toon."


"You wicked fiend, you nasty man.

You evil little grot.

This was Naboth’s vineyard,

And you’ve gone and pinched his plot.

For this you’ll die, you little worm,

And dogs will lick your blood.

On this very spot where Naboth died

You’ll be ground into the mud!

And woe aswell to Jezebel

Surround yourselves in gloom

Woe to her and woe to you

for she too shares your doom!"

King Ahab:

"You've found me out my enemy

I repent, oh how I'll fast!

Better still I'll clothe myself

In sackcloth, dirt and ash!"


"And so we end on a positive note

King Ahab's hairy shirted!

And he is sorry for his sin.

Disaster's been averted...for now!"