‘…to labour and ask for no reward save that of knowing that I do thy will.’

(Lady jumps the queue at the Pearly Gates. The head angel, file in hand, is talking to the gentleman at the front of the queue of enquirers.)

Lady: I’m sure you all won’t mind me pushing in. I’m in rather a hurry? Er (beckons angel) young

man ?

Angel: Excuse me ma’am, there’s no need for anyone to hurry here, you have all the time in the

world. I’ll just see to this gentleman first, then I will see to your needs.

Lady: Most kind of you. . . Oh but I do recognise this chap here vaguely! A very quiet and

unassuming fellow? On recycling, weren’t you? Lived down by the docks? (snorts) Fancy

seeing you here!

(angel addresses man)

Angel: Gold mansion no 1 on Pearl Street, sir. Turn right, and straight ahead, then you’ll see it

on the left.

Man: That is so kind of you sir! I certainly didn’t expect to be given such a lovely dwelling place

as that!

(Man disappears with key, angel pats him on the back. Lady looks excited and expectant.)

Angel: Now ma’am, how can I help you?

Lady: I should like to be shown to my mansion-in-the-sky too?

Angel: Name please?

Lady: Oughtn’t someone in your position know my name already?

Angel: (waits patiently, without expression)

Lady: Mrs Fortesque-Smythe!

Angel: Well ma’am . . . let me find your name, it must be somewhere here. (scrolls way down the page)

Ah here it is! . . . Well yours is . . . well, it’s not exactly a mansion . . .

Lady: Whatever do you mean?

Angel: It’s some way away from here, the old hut by top field.

Lady : Hut? Hut!! Top field? There has got to be some mistake! Put me through to Head Office!

I will speak with the duty manager!

Angel: No mistake ma’am; whatever you put into life is what you get out of it. And your deposit

. . . is, shall we say, very low.

Lady: Low was it? Low? And what about him? (points in the direction of the man)

Angel: An absolute gem.

Lady: Oh I see! Well I demand some kind of compensation, or some kind of reward here!

I’m not used to being treated in such a manner as this! (works herself up into a fury!)

I couldn’t even reach you by phone to book my place. If you had had the courtesy to

answer the phone, I wouldn’t be saddled with THIS HUT! AND might I add, I don’t like

your haughty manner! YOU should know better!

So let’s sum up, shall we?

· Failure to listen!

· Very poor communication!

· Abysmal service record!

· Broken promises

· Rude and arrogant!


Angel: That is truly amazing ma’am. How on earth did you know what is written down here,


Lady: (looks horrified as the truth dawns on her) Top field was it? (exits)