044 Chapter 44

(Illustrations; The famous East Window of St Luke's Parish Church, Wallsend, and the interior of the church: photos by Bill Norman)

The Ordination of Women to the Priesthood had become a divisive issue.

I had been ordained as a deacon in 1995, and at that time had not felt the call to be priest, and seeing myself only as a permanent deacon. As I mentioned in chapter 42, however, the beginnings of a call to priesthood had now surfaced.

On 8th May 1994, at Newcastle Cathedral, the first group of women from the Newcastle diocese were ordained priest, and my sister Joan was one of them. Anyone who has experienced her ministry, will tell you of her steadfast conviction, her supportive ministry and her years of compassionate service.

My calling to the priesthood was a complete about turn for me. I now thought a lot about the arguments, for and against, running each of them through my mind carefully and reviewing them. Both sides used scripture for their arguments. 

I looked at women who had been priested and when I saw the amazing work they were doing, and being accepted for it, I felt my call strengthened.

Fr John and Fr Sam left St Luke’s in 1996, a year into my ministry as a deacon. I was so disappointed that I would not continue to have the benefit of their experience.

Our step-father Bob Bell died that year in July. Mam had twenty-two happy years of married life with each husband, they had both died of lung cancer; one died in 69, the other in 96. He cared so much for us as stepfather and step grandad, and he had had a deep love for my mam.

Fr Richard became the new priest the following year, and introduced much higher Anglican traditions than we were used to. I must be honest, it seemed to me we were becoming less protestant, and more like the Roman Catholic church just along the road.

In my very first meeting with Fr Richard as his deacon, he suggested I should have a title, that I couldn’t simply be ‘Sheila’. Would Mother suit me? Or Sister? I declined both invitations!

I was so happy for my NEOC year group, friends I had trained with, when they were ordained priest after their diaconate year in 1996. I wasn’t being priested then myself, because, as I have already said, I was expecting to be part of the permanent diaconate. However, because I felt called to the priesthood now, I felt that calling needed to be explored with my priest and the bishop.

I went to Fr Richard, who put the wheels in motion and contacted the Assistant Bishop, Bishop Gill. In time, consultations were organised within the parish, and an open meeting followed.

The question: ‘Would you be content for a woman priest to exercise her ministry at St Luke’s?’ was put to the meeting and a significant number of parishioners responded favourably.

However, the vote still had to be passed by the PCC, (the church council), who made the final decision.

When the question was eventually put to them, asking if they would accept a woman priest, by the raising of hands, the result was 14 to 9 in favour, but even this result didn’t truly reflect the significant vote of the majority at the open meeting.

(Had the vote gone the other way, I like to think I would have accepted it graciously, and could have moved to another church with dignity.)

A second vote was taken immediately afterwards, and the PCC had been told that this vote would be by a secret ballot.

The question they were asked was:

“’Do you agree that the Revd Sheila Hamil be licensed to exercise a ministry as a priest in St Luke’s, Wallsend?’

When the votes were counted, the result had swung the other way.

It seemed fairly obvious that a small number of people had used the secret ballot as a tactic, to delay having a woman priest at St Luke’s, contrary to their first open vote.

(Bishop Gill told me afterwards that he would not have been able to give his consent to the first motion anyway, as the voting was not by a big enough margin. He also said the process should have been stopped after the first vote. The second question should not have been asked.)

I could not believe the result of the vote. I was in shock, as were others.

I had put my heart and soul into serving the people of St Luke’s and had ministered to them faithfully. I had always spoken out for Christian unity, I had always encouraged teamwork, and now I found myself at the centre of heated arguments and disunity within the parish in the days that followed. It was this ‘disunity’ that caused my greatest heartache; not so much some people’s rejection of me, but more the deep conflict within St Luke’s itself.

Far more people supported me than were against me, and I felt for them. I knew they loved me. I knew they wanted me. A large number of the congregation signed a petition to the Bishop, expressing no confidence in the result of the PCC’s second vote, and he also received letters in support of me. I only hope that those who supported me with such love and care will realise how much that love and care meant to me. It meant more than they could ever know.

Many of them left St Luke’s for other churches, some left church altogether! It caused me such raw, unimaginable pain deep down in my soul, that to this day, I’ve not really recovered from.

To have become bitter, or angry or unforgiving would have destroyed me completely. I chose to forgive. I bore no grudge, because I knew that some of those who’d voted against had done so because of their opposition to women being priested. They had told me openly to my face how they were going to vote. I admired them for that.

In a telephone call with the Bishop afterwards, I even asked his permission to stay on as deacon, as I believed by staying, I might have been able to somehow mend the situation, and help unite people again, but he turned that request down, saying there was far too much hurt around to deal with.

I was concerned too that the news that St Luke’s had voted to receive women priests, but had rejected Sheila Hamil as their priest, would now spread through the diocese. People might think ill of me, and I had done nothing wrong.

I was transferred to the oversight of priests in another parish with immediate effect, who gave me love, support and affirmation until the bishop found me another parish where my ministry would be appreciated.

Can you imagine what it felt like to be ripped out of a family I had been with for 22 years, and not be able to say goodbye to them? To say I was broken, is an understatement. Wallsend was where I had lived all my life, where I worked and St Luke’s was the local church I believe God had called me to, a church I had poured my heart and soul into, where I was trying to build bridges, bringing people outside it and inside it, together.

All this still affects me from time to time, a feeling of not being quite good enough, of having to prove myself worthy. However, in time, I came to realise that God had different plans for me, in fact I believe it was his way of moving me on from St Luke’s, as I would never have willingly agreed to leave it. I loved it so.

My prayers weren’t answered, God didn’t give me what I had asked for, there was no going back; but he was to give me something infinitely better. On the basis God knows best, the experience has enabled me to grow and flourish in creative ministry in the places where God has called me to be.