060 - Chapter 60

(Illustration: My assembly clown costume)

While I was in my third interregnum, at the Church of the Good Shepherd, and within the Willington Team, I was responsible for school assemblies. One day I was invited to accompany some pupils, from the local high school, on an outing to two quite different places of worship :- a Hindu Temple in Newcastle, and also to Durham Cathedral, as part of their Religious Education curriculum.

At the temple, a very trendy English couple gave us a visual presentation of aspects of Hindu worship. They also demonstrated and played the kind of instruments that were used. This was followed by descriptions of a Hindu wedding, along with costumes, which was all very colourful and appealing; and these two leaders answered questions in a most relaxed and friendly manner. We had all been promised lunch at the temple, and I wondered how on earth they were going to manage to feed so many children, about eighty of them in one medium sized room, without it becoming chaotic. The same couple had this in hand too, and it was executed most efficiently. Our students were invited to select a partner and sit in rows on the floor facing their partner, but leaving a space between them. Paper plates and forks were given out, then the couple walked down the middle of each row, and served each child with rice and chicken curry from large pans. Pieces of naan bread completed the feast. It was quick and efficient, and I was very impressed. Afterwards we continued on our way to Durham Cathedral. 

Unfortunately the lady who showed us around did not have the same rapport with the children. She showed us around the inside of the cathedral, and delivered a talk. When one pupil asked a question about a man holding a severed head, in one of the ornate stained-glass windows, (i.e. St Cuthbert holding the head of St Oswald) this lady retorted, “Well if you had been listening, when I explained this, you would know the answer to your question!”

Silence!

None of the children asked her anything else after that in the cathedral itself, and when she asked them questions, no-one replied; that is until they got to the cloisters where Harry Potter had been filmed, then their questions came in thick and fast!

What a chance this was to get teenagers ‘switched on; to the richness of the early history of the Christian faith, in such a beautiful historic building. I was saddened to witness it. It was such a missed opportunity.

I felt the need to remedy this, so I decided to invite the teacher in charge, to come to Church of the Good Shepherd where the children could experience a local Christian ‘place of worship’, with exciting creative workshops, in a friendlier atmosphere.

This worked out really well, that is until we repeated this exercise with another set of children a year later. The teacher took the children to our sister church, St Mary’s rather than ours at COGS, for a repeat session of these workshops. It was their OFSTED week! I thought that the teacher was walking them up to our church, along with the inspector. When they were late in coming, one of our helpers remarked , “I hope they haven’t gone to the wrong church?” I sat up straight. It suddenly struck me that this is what had happened! Surely they hadn’t gone to the other church in our team which was much nearer the school?

But they had!

The teacher and I had completely got our lines of communication crossed! Never in my life have I moved so quickly, I leapt into the car, drove down to the other church and found the party of schoolchildren and their teacher all returning to school, having found St Mary’s closed. Now we had also run out of time to travel to where we had everything set out and ready!

It was one of my worst moments ever! It was a genuine mistake, both the teacher and myself had just ‘assumed’ , but not ‘confirmed’ the actual venue! We could have laughed it off had it not been an OFSTED week. I was used to preparing everything so well as a former teacher, but I felt I’d let everyone down by not double checking.

Lesson learnt!

Of course, the teacher hadn’t prepared an alternative lesson, as I had done the lesson planning, and once we were back at school, all I could do was to offer to do the lesson in class with the children instead. The teacher spent time with her inspector elsewhere.

History had repeated itself. These pupils had not had the chance to experience the richness of worship in their local church and I was saddened by this blunder. It was such a missed opportunity, only this time it was my fault. It just goes to show, we all make mistakes, we all do and say things we regret, just like the guide at the Cathedral! But God forever wipes slates clean, and hopefully we learn from our mistakes!

There were other occasions where I made blunders too, some of which were hilarious. I recall two little boys laughing during a Pentecost assembly in a Primary school, when I was waving some cheerleader sticks in time to a song. I was puzzled, until I got home that evening and tried the same exercise out in front of a mirror, only to find the ‘batwings’ under my arms, were swinging ridiculously to and fro. We should always check what we’re wearing, so it doesn’t detract from the real message. It’s one of the reasons why we clergy wear robes!

There was another occasion where I was waiting for the children to enter the empty assembly hall, and I decided to sit on a low pouffe nearby. As I sat on it, the air came hissing out of it, and I tipped sideways in slow motion, unable to get up straight away. Then I had to try and stand up quickly with my creaky bones when I heard the classes arriving! Thank goodness no-one witnessed that!

At other times I didn’t mind myself looking ridiculous in assemblies, and even dressed up as a clown to get an Easter message over.

This period of doing assemblies in the Willington Team was such a rich time, with God providing the right idea, the right visual aid at the right time. God is indeed our great provider as we make inroads to teach others about faith.

Easter: The Clown

Clown script: (props: suitcase with clown costume inside + daffodil in a vase)

To the first few minutes of the song ‘All that Jazz’ from the film Chicago, open the suitcase and look surprised; take out a hideous pair of coloured trousers, and put them on; next a waistcoat with a squirty flower attached, then two long plastic shoes, then a large checked tie on elastic, then the wig, the red nose, and finally a hat. (All of which are available in the resources pack.)

Once fully dressed, invite the children to smell a plastic flower, and squirt them with water. Then proceed to eat, only the petals of a nearby daffodil, which will be in a vase.

Invite the children, when they go home, to see if their parents believe them when they tell them that a person came into a school assembly today, and squirted them with water, and then ate daffodil petals.

In a similar way, people thought the early disciples of Jesus were lying, when they claimed he had risen from the dead.

The disciples didn’t believe the women who witnessed an empty tomb. One of them, Mary Magdalene actually met the risen Jesus and talked with him, and they didn’t believe her either, until they ran to the tomb and saw for themselves the empty tomb and folded grave clothes! Jesus then appeared to his disciples in an upper room, and because Thomas wasn’t there at the time, he would not believe. Then Jesus appeared to him, and told him to touch the nail prints in his hands and side. Only then did he believe. Some people believed in the resurrection and some didn’t. But in the Bible, St Paul tells us that Jesus appeared to more than 500 people at one time, not just his disciples!

Still today are those who do and don’t believe, but this is the reason that Christians think this is a time to celebrate, because Jesus didn’t stay dead. He came back to life, and later ascended to his Father! Today he can live in each one of us, by the power of the Spirit.