049 - Chapter 49
Where do I go from here?
(Illustration: photo by Reuben Hustler on Unsplash)
I’ve already spoken about doors which open to us in life, and similarly, doors close to us too, and we are directed elsewhere, but how do we know which is the right way forward once the way ahead is barred?
Let me ask you this. You are walking along a country path on holiday, away from a coastal town and you eventually come to a junction. The path here veers off in several different directions. Unfortunately, the signpost which could direct you to where you need to be is broken, and lying on the ground. How do you know which path to take? Don’t read the answer, think first . . .
Now read on.
The answer is to elevate the signpost, and point the arm which says 'Coast' in the direction of the coast, where you have just come from, and then all the other directions will be made perfectly clear.
By 2002, I had been teaching for twenty-two years in total, and now the school I taught at was having to close its doors for good. History was repeating itself, this had happened before in my previous school, hence my dilemma: - ‘Where do I go now?’ ‘What will I do?’ ‘Do I carry on teaching elsewhere, or should I leave teaching to enable me to do more outreach work in the church and in the community?’ My ‘signpost’ was lying on the ground! I needed to pick it up, look back where I had come from, assess my real strengths, then look to see what my options were.
This came about when our local high school, Burnside High School was expanding to take in students aged 11-18. Our local Middle schools were losing half of their children from years 7 and 8, and were becoming Primary schools, but not ours, Central Middle School was closing down.
I found myself yet again, along with other staff, being asked to apply for a new job within the new Comprehensive School System. I finally made a decision to seek early retirement, and spend more time in ministry and evangelism. I was still expected to go through the interview process though, but I made it clear to those who interviewed me at Burnside High, that my future lay elsewhere. My decision also had something to do with the fact that I didn’t feel qualified to teach one subject all the way up to GCSE level in a high school, nor did I feel I could teach all subjects to a high enough standard in a Primary school system for I had no interest in teaching Maths, Science or Geography.
I came out from that interview, with no job, seeking answers to my questions.
I wrote a song with this title once, ‘Where do I go from here?’
It was based on the result of an RE questionnaire I did with twelve/thirteen-year old pupils, and one of the questions had been, ‘What do you fear most?’ So many of them responded with the same answer: the future! My response to their answers was to write this song, from John chapter 14. In it Jesus was teaching his disciples that he would show them the way forward, because he was the Way, the Truth and the Life.
SONG: Where do I go from here?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fz9cTCc1mg...
It crossed my mind that ‘full-time’ church ministry might be the right way forward, rather than ‘part time,’ and Bob gave his approval for me to test this.
I had one very brief interview with an archdeacon, to test whether full time parish work as the vicar of a church, might be right for me, but it was not to be. I mentioned to him early in the interview my belief that if God opened doors, then nothing could stand in the way, and if an idea was not his plan, then he would he would close the door. I was ready to follow God’s way for me. I quoted: Acts 5. 38 from the New Testament in which a wise man called Gamaliel advises the council to free the disciples, whom they have arrested for preaching to people about the resurrected Jesus, and he says to them:
“Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God!”
The reply that came back to me from the archdeacon was:
“My dear God doesn’t make the decisions I do!”
Such an arrogant response made me clam up immediately. Whether he was testing my mettle, or merely joking, I know not, but his patronising attitude helped me make my decision immediately. God was closing that particular door.
I seemed to recall that when I trained on NEOC, several different kinds of priest were described. Most people think of them all as ‘Liturgical’ priests; but there are also ‘Social Activist priests’; ‘Religious order Priests’; ‘Liberation theology priests’; ‘Evangelist priests’; ‘Minister in Secular Employment’ and so on.
Looking back, my decision to gravitate towards the Evangelist model was spot on. I had creative gifts, which were just right for evangelism, but I was certainly not gifted in administration, and much time is spent on such matters by those in charge of our churches. Had I become a vicar of a church, my more creative gifts would most likely have been swallowed up, and I would not have had many opportunities for evangelism, children’s outreach, music outreach, prison and asylum work and radio, all of which I went on to do in time.
Those of us making similar difficult decisions in life might appreciate this Bible reading. Philippians chapter 3 it tells us to leave the past behind us, and press forward, on to the goals which God is calling us to:
St Paul says:
‘Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
I wrote this next song for a presentation we did at St Peter’s C of E school, with that reading in mind once. The theme had come from an article I had read (which I cannot trace now) where a young trapper boy from a colliery, had been told to run and warn fellow miners of a leak in the coal face. The young boy was terrified and didn’t pass the message on. He escaped to the surface and saved himself, but tragically disaster befell the miners below. We tried to ask through our presentation:- How did he manage to forgive himself, and how did he came to live with that awful memory?
A pupil of ours, a young girl danced to this song in church, dressed as that little trapper boy, and by the third verse she had picked up a red rose, as a symbol of God’s understanding and forgiveness. Hence the words, ‘leave the past behind you’ in verse 3. Thank you for that beautiful dance you choreographed yourself, Emma Bambrough. I still see it in my mind’s eye.!
SONG: Don’t be sad and lonely