Wednesday 20th March 2019

Long Ride ride report. “Abandon hope all ye who enter here” should have been written above the metaphorical door of the long ride this week and indeed the physical door of the shed that served as a place of ablution at our pit stop! In a moment of rare ill judgement, John had emailed Eric of all people, the night before, asking him to lead. To ask a man who until recently carried more lard than a week of Razor Ruddock’s breakfasts to lead such a potentially elite group seemed bizarre to most. As they arrived Derek was taking considerable volumes of crumpled envelopes and used fivers off people on the corner in the manner of a crack cocaine street dealer, the neighbours were considering ringing the police but Derek insist he was collecting for the June Skeggy trip. When the leadership issue was announced at Outwoods Drive there was a distinct, indeed visible stepping back and several discovering urgent afternoon business, necessitating they rapidly join John’s shorter ride.

7 brave souls, probably all misfits, miscreants or just merely delusional decided to follow the de facto leader as he headed off down Beacon road following no sensible cycle paths, as if forward planning only should be considered after an event. So it was that Pat, Phil, Lyn, Rob, Brian, Keith (who masqueraded as Myles all day until he was unmasked and the truth forced out of him much later on. Myles’ (lawyers have been informed) and David who brought up the rear as back marker having agreed to do so inadvertently whilst answering a quite unrelated question.

They left the town via the Cotes road turning right after the mill and right again after Eric had briefly stopped to explain what was happening to the confused assembly in some belated attempt to gain a false sense of solidarity. Then it was left down the quiet of Bandalls lane and a right and left heading to Walton. Black hill was a good loosener followed by the down and up to cross Paudy lane then down and up again to Seagrave and down and up to the A46. The leader hesitated whilst Phil and Keith played chicken with each other and dashed past him to beat the oncoming truck. The rest followed more cautiously.

As they whizzed down into Thrussington there was moment, not for the last time that day, to consider how gorgeous it was to be cycling in the beautiful Leicestershire countryside on the first day of spring. It was a lovely warm sunny day and all was well with the world except for the elephant in the room, albeit that he is marginally less elephantine than he was previously. As they arrived in Thrussington, this fellow supposedly in charge rang the coffee venue to ensure they were open, 30 minutes prior to arrival. Well there’s nothing quite like forward thinking, or so Last minute.com have been having us believe!

Turning left they went through Hoby and past Frisby and onward to Asfordby. They turned right and rode until the reached Saxleby road. Here they turned left by the undertakers leading distasteful macabre jokes about the correct place for the man at the front and past the school. The tricky bypass had to be crossed and then up the steep hill toward Saxleby. The serious grumbling started, that neither Howard nor Terry would have lead them up so many hills prior to coffee and that this macho style trying to play hard ball was gaining about as much support as a Theresa May meaningful vote.

At the top of the hill there was a right fork taking them on a quiet lane toward Ab Kettleby but after a short distance they turned left into Saxleby down a steep hill losing all the height they had just gained leading to further muttering from the back benches. In Saxleby they turned right up Ostler lane heading to six hills lane. A steady climb up this quiet road regained the lost height and as they neared the top Philip broke off in his customary way to get front of the queue and first choice of cakes. However with one word from him pursuers they unleashed Keith who sped off as only Myles can and caught him on the hill up to their destination of Nice Pie.

Turning left down the rough very steep track, many walked the last few yards to the cafe.

Nice pie is unsurprisingly famous for pies. Pork pies, steak pies, sausage pies and Bakewell pies. Many cakes were also on offer but highly recommended is the lemon curd pie, especially by those with a more than healthy appetite or those trying to regain the excessive weight they have just lost. Nice pie is a lovely venue and would be an especially excellent place to visit on a sunny summer morning when the outside area could be used to great advantage.

As they struggled back up the steep path out, pushing bikes ahead of them, someone unkindly enquired what everyone had been desperate to ask all day....... no, not why had Eric been made leader? but a more pressing issue... why was Rob wearing his trousers inside out ? A satisfactory answer was never really acquired although some suggested it was a money saving exercise by allowing extra wears prior to washing, others that it fashionable to show seams and labels on garments (quickly discounted as Rob is clearly a deeply unfashionable kind of chap).

Turning left down six hills lane and ignoring the left turn to Grimston they turned right onto Paddy’s lane. It was perhaps appropriate whilst on that lane someone tentatively mentioned to the madman in charge that he had not taken any photos yet. So they stopped in a gateway with the wind farm in the background so they could grimace at the camera whilst he clicked away like David Bailey on speed.

Past Old Dalby and onto Nottingham lane. At the T junction they turned left onto Midshires way. They crossed The Fosse and took a brief detour through Willoughby on the Wolds to allow Pat to perform bin duty for an offspring. They came through Wymeswold and dropped off Pat and heading to Hoton. Here everything completely unravelled as they turned to Prestwold and it dawned on the leader he had lost his back marker and one other. Keith trying to make amends for pretending to be Myles hared after the missing two. He was unsuccessful in persuading them to continue to follow the man who had abandoned them. The rest of the troop went past Prestwold hall and limped back into Loughborough. As they came down Nottingham road they all decided to go their separate ways so the fellow at the front looked round as he past the bell foundry to find he had a following of one ... himself. They have done over 34 miles on a glorious early spring day but the experiment will no doubt be reviewed by senior management at the next clubhouse meeting.

Short Ride

Meanwhile the less ambitious riders (Derek, Rob, Anne, Patrick, Ken (a new rider), Howard and Clyde led by John) headed out through the University as Garendon Park was deemed likely to be too muddy. John had found a path through the new Science Park past the Advanced Technology Innovation Centre which he tried out. The riders then proceeded around Shepshed using Cambridge Street and Anson Road to get to Tickow Lane. Whilst progressing along this lane Clyde had to take an urgent phone call so the group waited for him at the top of the hill where they found a new housing estate had been developed rather spoiling the ambiance of this lane.

After some photos the group continued to Charley Road, admiring the host of daffodils outside Fenney Spring Mill, befor turning off to Oaks in Charnwood and refreshments at St. Josephs tearoom where the riders sat out in the sunshine. The group then returned to Charley Road and headed towards the Beacon. Ken and Anne decided to take a shorter ride home down Nanpantan Road while the other riders headed towards the Beacon. Clyde and Derek then decided to head home via the B5330 while the remaing riders completed the ascent to the entrance to Beacon Park before enjoying the plunge down to Woodhouse. Here John, Howard and Rob took the track past Mucklin Wood while Patrick, preferring to stick to tarmac, headed back via Quorn.