Wednesday 13th June 2018

As John decided once more that the group was so extensive that it needed to be split in two, he awarded Howard the dubious honour of leading the rag tag army of Ne'er-do-wells that signed up NOT to take a sensible ride to Sileby. The suicide squad that left Outwoods Drive included Marcus, Phil, Clyde, Derek, Jeff, Eric and new member Vic, who, when he surveyed his fellow travellers, must have wondered what he had let himself in for.

"Ulverscroft cafe" was Howard's rallying cry; "the highest cafe in Leicestershire" was John's salutary parting warning. We were off, through Mucklin Wood of course just to please those with the thin tyres. On to Woodhouse, turning left at St Marys in the Elms and past our favourite cottage of the Pestilence variety we took Brand Lane to Swithland. Oddly, Howard, having heard of the near disaster of Jeff's trial leadership the week before,which was Anarchy masquerading as Democracy, decided to follow the same ill fated model. He started asking people's opinion on which way they would like to go. When dealing with sheep it is best to use a dog that bites, not start asking one of the ewes which field it fancies! The "decision" led to turning right at the triangle and we started the first serious ascent. "Wait at Joe Moore cross roads" was the polite request. Phil had other ideas and ploughed straight up Warren hill on a lonely furrow. The decision became, follow a man of single minded determination or turn right and let him ride alone. .... we all know what happens to those in a herd mentality. ... we climbed the hill. Swiftly down Sharply hill and right into Ulverscroft lane admiring the houses we shall never afford, unless Lotto intervenes. We turned left up Polly Botts lane. Who was Polly and why her Bott had a lane named after her we can only imagine but another climb was required.

Vic entertained us with an architectural lecture on Gimson and the arts and crafts movement as we past Stoneywell and other similar cottages. At the top we turned left onto Priory lane and down hill only to climb back up to meet Whitwick road. Turned right and in a short distance we were at Ulverscroft Grange. Tea coffee and large quantities of cake were consumed, but it took a while arriving. Although a sharp last sprint meant we beat the coach load of OAPs to the front of the queue.

Sadly someone let Eric go first. This is a man who thinks the Ark is a modern invention; so, letting him loose on a self-service coffee machine designed to save time was a BIG mistake. After he had been instructed how to work it and the staff had got him a self-service tray he proceeded to add coffee to the cup with a tea bag. Whilst the exasperated staff looked on in horror and wondered who had let him out of his institution for the day. They thought it better to serve him themselves from the self-service machine rather than throwing him out. The foot tapping and tutting from the OAP coach was embarrassing when they tarred all cyclists with the same imbecile brush!

We were joined by a jaunty Ray who arrived by car and a perspiring Lyn who in a moment of madness he had left the sensible party and joined the suicide squad by a mad catch up ride. Foolishly he mentioned he had a small puncture. Before he had time protest Howard had his bike upside down and inserted a gas cannister. A MINOR explosion occurred and one of the OAPs needed medical attention for a cardiac incident thinking that rural Leicestershire was the latest ISIS target.Clyde stayed behind with Howard and Lyn to help with the chaos that ensued. Howard's most bizarre act to date was to nominate Eric of all people to lead the hapless bunch home. At that final straw Marcus sensibly left in the opposite direction.

The rest headed for Woodhouse Eaves on the steep up and downs of Priory lane. Further mishap occurred as a stone caused Vic's puncture. We limped on to Woodhouse Eaves to Derek's house for more repairs and tea. Phil sensibly went home. Finally Jeff, Vic and Eric departed and Jeff turned on his own to Loughborough as they split up in Quorn. The other two decided to add some extra mileage to get miles in the legs prior to next week's Skegness trip. Coming uphill out of Seagrave to cap an eventful day Eric's bike gave up in protest as the cassette disintegrated inside. They both also gave up and returned home to assess the physical and emotional damage of the day. Ride report by Eric. Thanks Eric.

While the more energetic participants headed into the hills of Charnwood Forest, Rob, Norman, Rosalind, Patrick, Lyn and John headed south east down the Soar Valley. At the Quorn traffic lights Lyn muttered something about needing to make a phone call and headed off up Woodhouse lane to join the group at Ulverscroft. Presumably he felt the mobile signal would be stronger at that height. The remaining riders crossed the Soar into Barrow before taking Melton Road up into the Wolds. A steady ascent took the riders past a recent crash scene at Paudy Lane/ Big Lane cross roads where all the air bags in the vehicles appeared to be inflated and the police were in the process of breath testing.

The riders enjoyed a relatively flat ride along the Salt Way as far as Berrycott Lane where the turned south east to head down hill into Seagrave. After passing the village school where the children were at play, the group descended to Sileby to take refreshment at the Grreen Place, following which they returned to Loughborough just before noon.