(Salem 2003)

Empathic Listening

By Richard Salem

July 2003

beyondintractability.org

Empathic listening (also called active listening or reflective listening) is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding and trust. It is an essential skill for third parties and disputants alike, as it enables the listener to receive and accurately interpret the speaker's message, and then provide an appropriate response. The response is an integral part of the listening process and can be critical to the success of a negotiation or mediation. Among its benefits, empathic listening

• builds trust and respect,

• enables the disputants to release their emotions,

• reduces tensions,

• encourages the surfacing of information, and

• creates a safe environment that is conducive to collaborative problem solving.

Guidelines for Empathic Listening

Madelyn Burley-Allen offers these guidelines for empathic listening:

1. Be attentive. Be interested. Be alert and not distracted. Create a positive atmosphere through nonverbal behavior.

   1. Be a sounding board -- allow the speaker to bounce ideas and feelings off you while assuming a nonjudgmental, non-critical manner.

   2. Don't ask a lot of questions. They can give the impression you are "grilling" the speaker.

   3. Act like a mirror -- reflect back what you think the speaker is saying and feeling.

   4. Don't discount the speaker's feelings by using stock phrases like "It's not that bad," or "You'll feel better tomorrow."

   5. Don't let the speaker "hook" you. This can happen if you get angry or upset, allow yourself to get involved in an argument, or pass judgment on the other person.

   6. Indicate you are listening by

      1. • Providing brief, noncommittal acknowledging responses, e.g., "Uh-huh," "I see."

         • Giving nonverbal acknowledgements, e.g., head nodding, facial expressions matching the speaker, open and relaxed body expression, eye contact.

         • Invitations to say more, e.g., "Tell me about it," "I'd like to hear about that."

   7. Follow good listening "ground rules:"

      1. • Don't interrupt.

         • Don't change the subject or move in a new direction.

         • Don't rehearse in your own head.

         • Don't interrogate.

         • Don't teach.

         • Don't give advice.

         • Do reflect back to the speaker what you understand and how you think the speaker feels.[9]

Methods Outline

• • Empathic Listening

  • Reflective Listening

• Active Listening

Notes: