Empathy-Compassion Relationship
by Edwin Rutsch

What is the Relationship Between Empathy and Compassion?

The question comes up a lot about what is the relationship between empathy and compassion? What first needs to be acknowledged is that there are many definitions of empathy and compassion. People point to different phenomena, experiences, or actions and call it empathy or compassion. So it's easy to be using the same word but be pointing to different experiences. It's easy to be talking past each other.

Many in the compassion community seem to be very critical of empathy. Advocates of compassion write articles like, Is Empathy Our Most Dangerous and Self-Indulgent Emotion? or books like Against Empathy: The Case for Rational Compassion. They try to shift the problem of Compassion Fatigue and say it is really Empathy Fatigue or say that empathy is not about taking action, but only compassion is. The criticisms go on and on. Here, I will give some of my understanding of the meaning and relationship of empathy and compassion. Basically, I find empathy to be a very positive and constructive way of being that is very misunderstood.

In my view and definition, empathy is the process of connecting with (feeling into) the full range of human experience, i.e.; feelings, intentions, values, needs, desires, etc.

How do I and the others feel?

Do you know what they are feeling?

Compassion is the Slice of Human Experience Related to Suffering.

Compassion, by common definition, is connecting with the slice of experience related to suffering. So in my view and understanding, 'empathic compassion' is the slice of the empathy spectrum or pie that specifically relates to suffering. There are no hard and fast delineations between empathy and empathic compassion.

Compassion as a Part of the Empathy Spectrum

Another way of looking at this is that we naturally empathize with the full spectrum of human experience. We feel people's joy, happiness, creativity, fun, pain, etc. Compassion is when we empathize with the parts of the spectrum than deal with human suffering. Often the desire to alleviate suffering is also considered part of the definition.

Sympathetic Compassion

Another type of compassion would be sympathetic compassion. This is were someone feels stressed by seeing someone's suffering and feels sorry for that person and wants to help them. The person is detaching from being present with the sufferer because they are focusing on their own feelings of distress or guilt. This is a sort of narcissistic self-orientation and actually blocks empathy. The problem with helping that comes from this, is that it can be geared toward the sympathizer trying to alleviate their own suffering versus the suffering of the other person. The actions or solutions don't necessarily address the real needs of the sufferer. This mindset is often seen in foreign aid type of projects that fail miserably.

The definition from Websters for compassion is; "sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it"

Self-Righteous Compassion

Something else that I see is sometimes called compassion, is a feeling that one cares about people, which gives a sense of self satisfaction and a feel of self-righteous. I care about others and you don't. Political Liberals are often seen as doing this. This feeling of patronizing and self righteousness gives a warm feeling of the rightness and superiority of their care. There is a judgment and condemnation of the others as being uncaring.

An empathic approach would be to not judge but to have mutual empathic dialogues with others to understand where they are coming from. It realizes we all have empathic blind spots and it is through dialogue that we come to see our common humanity and can take actions together to meet our needs and well-being.

Why Focus on Empathy?

I like to focus on empathy because I get better at connecting with the full range of life's rich experiences. I find it depressing to only focus on pain and suffering. I don't want to avoid the suffering, but also do not want to dwell and just focus on it.

Empathy is Healing and ActionPeople from the compassion community sometimes say that empathy is a neutral quality. They say we can empathize with people, but it is neutral and doesn't lead to healing or action. This is not accurate because empathy itself has a deeply healing quality (*reference) and is the gateway to effective action.

People who are doing well, feel even better when someone empathizes with them. Also as therapy shows, people how are dealing with a wide variety of emotional issues or problems can be healed with empathic talk therapy. Also when we stay present with people we can address their real needs.

This old saying captures this truism,

"Joys shared are joys double,

Sorrows shared are sorrows halved".

Another Fallacy: Only Compassion takes Action

Another criticism of empathy, often made by people in the compassion community, is that only compassion takes action. This is inaccurate since the Human-centered design community, which designs products, services, process, systems to address the need of people is based on empathy. Human-centered design is a creative approach to problem solving in any field. "Human-centered design is all about building a deep empathy with the people you’re designing for."

Human-centered design process is widely used in industry, high tech, education, etc. Many schools are teaching this process. Also many schools are now designed from the bottom up using Human-centered project based design methodology.

Empathic is a Powerful Way of Being for Taking Action