Directing

Listening Well: The Art of Empathic Understanding.

Chapter 5. Roadblocks to Listening

William R. Miller

"1. Directing is telling someone what to do, as if giving an order or a command."

"2. Warning involves pointing out the risks or dangers of what a person is doing. This can also be a treat."

"3. Advising includes making suggestions and providing solutions, usually with the intention of being helpful."

"4. Persuading can be lecturing, arguing, giving reasons, or trying to convince with logic."

"5. Moralizing is telling people what they should do."

"6. Judging can take the form of blaming, criticizing, or simply disagreeing."

7. Agreeing usually sounds like taking sides with the person, perhaps approving or praising.

8. Shaming or ridiculing can include attaching a name or stereotype to what the person is saying or doing.

9. Analyzing offers a reinterpretation or explanation of that the person is saying or doing.

10. Probing asks questions to gather facts or press for more information.

11. Reassuring can sound like sympathizing or consoling.

12. Distracting tries to draw people away from what they are experiencing by humoring, changing the subject, or withdrawing. "