Chapter Four
As they sat beside each other eating from the carton of ice cream, Nathan kept looking at Haley out of the corner of his eye. When she had opened the door to him just a short while ago, the first thing he had noticed was the redness around her eyes which gave away the fact that she had been crying. While he hated the fact that he was most likely the cause of her tears, he couldn’t help taking it as a good sign and let himself believe that maybe she did feel something for him.
Playing with her spoon, Haley finally broke the silence by asking, “So why did you come here?”
“You know why. We need to talk and I… I wanted to apologise for those things I said.”
She shook her head. “No, we don’t.”
“Yes, we do.”
“No, Nathan, we really don’t. I think we said everything we had to say at your place.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Hales.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Why not? You’ve never objected before.”
“That was different… things were different then.”
“Nothing’s changed.”
“How can you say that? What you said changes everything…” she trailed off before adding quietly, “I-I wish you hadn’t said it.”
Nathan saw the way she was refusing to look at his face and her hands were fidgeting, twirling the spoon around with her fingers. Reaching out a hand, he covered one of hers with it and ran his thumb back and forth over her knuckles. “I couldn’t lie anymore,” he admitted.
“Lie about what?” she asked knowing full well what he meant.
“Don’t do that. You know exactly what I’m talking about. I know you feel the same way… I can feel it.”
Still not looking at him, her voice was vehement when she replied, “No, I don’t. Look, this thing between us… it’s just…”
“Just what?” he prompted.
“It’s just sex.”
“No. Believe me, it’s not just sex.”
She laughed bitterly. “Right. I’m sorry, but I’ve heard all about your reputation and…”
“And that’s why I know this isn’t just sex,” he interrupted. “I’ve been with a lot of girls, Haley, I’m not going to deny that, but with them it was just sex. Being with you feels so different and… and it’s all I can think about.”
Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to meet his eyes at hearing those words. “That’s not my fault.”
“I’m not saying it is but it’s the truth. When I’m not with you I want to be and when I say that I’m not referring to us sleeping together. I mean I just want to be with you… talking to you, being in your presence.”
Haley felt the sting of tears behind her eyelids and looking down at her hands, she blinked a couple of times to try and clear her vision. “Nathan… don’t do this.”
“Why not? Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t feel the same way I do and I’ll go. I’ll even let you find me a new tutor so you don’t have to have anything else to do with me.”
“I-I don’t…”
“No!” Placing his fingers under her chin, he tilted her face so she had no choice but to look into his eyes. “I want you to look at me when you say it.”
“Don’t do this… please, Nathan.”
“Do what? I’m just asking you to tell me how you really feel so I can move on. You’ve said you don’t feel the same as I do so it shouldn’t be too hard telling me.”
Closing her eyes, Haley savoured the feel of his fingers grazing her skin before pushing herself out of his reach and getting up from the stool she was sitting on. “I need you to leave.”
Nathan smirked at her. “Sorry, but I’m not going anywhere until you tell me how you feel.”
“You don’t know what you’re asking me! If you have these feelings for me, why are you making me do this? Why are you so intent on hurting me?”
Those words wiped the smirk off his face and he gave her a hard stare. “Hurting you? Is that what you think I’m doing? If all I’d wanted to do was hurt you I could have just dangled our rel… whatever the hell this is between us in Lucas’ face and watched you squirm but I didn’t and I haven’t. If anyone should feel hurt it’s me.”
“Really, and how’s that?”
“You won’t even acknowledge me if you see me in school. Do you really think I haven’t noticed when you see me in the halls and quickly turn and run back the way you came just so you don’t have to walk past me? How do you think that makes me feel?”
Picking up the ice cream that was in danger of melting into a puddle, she busied herself with putting it back in the freezer. Getting up from his own seat, he stood across from her.
“Fine, ignore me, but it’s not going to make this go away.”
“What do you want me to say?” she asked, throwing her hands up in defeat.
“I want you to be honest with me and with yourself. I want you to tell me how you really feel.”
Her head shook from side to side. “I can’t do that.” Meeting his eyes for a moment, she desperately wished she could do what he wanted and reveal everything she was feeling to him but she couldn’t. If she did, there would be no going back and it would only make matters more difficult.
“Yes you can. What do you think is going to happen if you tell me, huh? Do you think the world is going to end or something because it won’t, you know.”
“It’s so easy for you. Whatever you want you get but things don’t work that way… not for me. If he found out about this he would never forgive me and I couldn’t blame him for that. It’s not like I didn’t know that from the start.”
“Well if he’d be that much of an ass about you dating someone, then maybe he’s not worth bothering with,” Nathan told her, folding his arms.
“Oh, me dating someone he could handle, it’s me dating you that would send him into a raging fit. He’s told me time and again that I’m the only person he can trust and it kills me that I’m going behind his back with you. I don’t know what I was thinking… no good was ever going to come from this.”
“How can you say that?” he asked, the anger evident in his voice.
“Easy because I know you only came to me for tutoring as a way of getting to Lucas. You thought you were so slick getting me assigned as your tutor but I managed to turn the tables. I figured I could use the situation to my advantage and get you to stop hazing Lucas and it worked.”
“So you slept with me as what… a thank you for leaving the bastard alone?”
“Don’t you dare call him that!”
“Why not? It’s what he is.”
“If anyone’s a bastard it’s you.”
The words cut into him like a knife and he visibly flinched. Oh, he’d been called much worse before but to hear her say it, it hurt more than he would have ever thought possible especially coupled with what she’d said to him at his house just a short while ago. He stared at her and he watched her take a step back as she seemed to realise what she had just said.
“Na-Nathan… I—”
“You win, Haley. Are you happy now? I guess you’ve gotten what you wanted.” He looked at her for a long moment as if to try and imprint her into his brain before he turned and walked away. His hand was just about to open the front door when he felt her running towards him. Without turning around, he said, “Don’t worry, your secret is safe. I won’t breathe a word to him.”
Staring at his back, Haley felt like her heart was breaking in two. The words were on the tip of her tongue but she couldn’t give voice to them. Taking a step forward, she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his back, whispering, “I wish things could be different.”
He released a heavy sigh as one of his hands came up to cover hers where they rested on his stomach. “They can be. If you really want them to, they can be.”
“I don’t have a choice.”
“Yes you do, you do have a choice. You always have a choice.”
“I don’t have the luxury of your choices.”
Turning around, he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. “What does that mean?”
“You don’t stand to lose anything by us dating, Nathan. Oh, I’m sure there’d be whispers and comments amongst your friends wondering what the hell you were doing with someone as boring as me, but that would be it. I, on the other hand, would lose my best friend and I couldn’t bear that. I’ve known him for so long and I don’t know what I’d do without him or Karen.”
“I’m sure she wouldn’t turn her back on you.”
“Maybe not but things would be awkward to put it mildly.
Running his hand through her thick, auburn hair, he cupped her cheek and tipped her head back slightly so they were looking into each other’s eyes. “So what do we do? Do you really want this to be over?”
Her hand came up to cover his on her face and she felt the sting of tears again. “It has to be.”
He shook his head. “That’s not what I asked. I said, do you really want this to be over?”
Before she could answer, he lowered his head and kissed her with all the passion he felt. For a second he thought she was going to push him away but she didn’t. Her arms came up to wrap around his neck and she pulled him into her as she returned his kiss. Breaking the kiss a few moments later, he rested his forehead against hers as he caught his breath, his hands tracing idle patterns on the patch of bare skin on her lower back from where her T-shirt didn’t quite meet her jeans.
“You haven’t answered my question,” he whispered.
“You didn’t give me a chance to,” she replied, looking into his beautiful blue eyes.
“I’m giving you a chance now.”
Haley’s mouth opened and closed a few times before she finally said, “No, I don’t want it to be over.”
Nathan’s hand again came up to cup her cheek. “Say it again,” he demanded.
Keeping eye contact, she repeated, “I don’t want it to be over between us. I-I want more too.”
“And?” He watched her hesitate and he was so sure she wouldn’t say it when she opened her mouth and he heard her beautiful voice again.
“I love you, too.”
The smile he gave her as a result of her words made his heart soar in his chest and he crushed their lips together again, kissing her as hard and deep as he could. His arms wrapped around her waist and he lifted her off the ground as he held her tightly.
“Nathan, I can’t breathe.”
Releasing her from his tight hold, he still kept her within his embrace. “Sorry,” he replied sheepishly. “Do you really mean it?”
She nodded. “Yes. I-I’m sorry for what I said before… what I called you. I didn’t mean it.”
“I know.” And deep down he did know. “What happens now though?”
“I need to speak to Lucas. He needs to hear this from me so can you—”
“Whatever you need. He won’t hear anything from me.”
“What about one of your friends?”
“If you want, we can carry on in secret until you’ve told him. I won’t say a word to any of my friends until he knows what’s happening, okay?”
Breathing a sigh of relief, she nodded. “Okay. Thank you.”
“So, uh, do you still want to hang out this weekend?”
The hopeful look on his face made her smile. “If you still want to.”
“Oh, I still want to.” He smirked.
“It’s a good job I forgot to bring my stuff with me when I left your place in such a hurry.”
“Do you want to go now or…”
“Now’s good. Let me just make sure everywhere is locked and then we can go.” Raising up on her tiptoes, she kissed his mouth softly, giving him a smile, before turning and running upstairs.
Nathan watched her go and he let himself fall back against the front door, letting the tension seep out from his body. He knew they had a long road ahead of them and no doubt Lucas would be more than an ass when he found out the truth but for now he was just going to ignore the bad feeling that kept nagging at the back of his mind and enjoy his weekend with her.
* * * * *
Upstairs in her bedroom, Haley was sitting down on her bed, not quite believing what she had just done. She had been willing to let him walk out of that door but the thought of not being with him again, not being able to talk to him or kiss him, hurt her more than she’d thought possible and before she had realised what she was doing, she was running after him.
The moment his lips had touched hers she knew she had made the right decision but now reality was setting in. The saying, ‘boyfriends come and go but best friends are forever’ kept pushing itself into her head and made her feel sick with the knowledge that Lucas wouldn’t be around forever once she told him what had been going on. Giving herself a mental shake, she decided not to torture herself with that right now. She was just going to relax and spend the weekend with her boyfriend and the rest could wait until later. Her lips curled up into a smile at the knowledge that Nathan was her boyfriend. At least she hoped he was.
Getting up off her bed, she turned off the light and hurried downstairs to meet him, more than ready to restart their weekend.