The Forbidden and The Reckless - Chapter Eight
Chapter Eight
“Lucas, there’s... uh... something I need to tell you.” Looking at her reflection in the mirror, Haley grimaced as the words left her lips. Her stomach felt like she was traveling on a never-ending rollercoaster and she knew the sensation was only going to get worse once she’d told her best friend what she was up to. Practicing the words in the mirror wasn’t going to be of any help.
If only she didn’t have to tell him, she thought to herself with a deep sigh. Unfortunately, that wasn’t an option and no amount of wishing would change that. Lucas needed to know the truth, although she wasn’t going to tell him everything. She’d start small, letting him know she’d been assigned by the school to tutor Nathan and that she had decided to make the best of a bad situation and use it to get him to lay off the hazing.
Haley’s hands gripped the porcelain basin, her eyes looking past her reflection and seeing the hurt look on Luke’s face as she tried her best to explain how she had fallen for his half-brother, someone she knew he considered to be the spawn of Satan himself.
There was no doubt in her mind that he would consider this the ultimate betrayal and their friendship, which meant the world to her, would be over as soon as the words had left her lips. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that he would never forgive her and her heart already hurt just thinking about it.
What was she going to do?
Nathan was giving her the time she needed to work it all out and pluck up the courage to tell Luke but she knew he wasn’t going to wait forever. A part of her was petrified that he’d just blurt it out during basketball practice if he and Luke got into it on the court but another part of her couldn’t help feeling selfish, hoping that that would be the case because at least then the secret would be out.
She could feel the headache beginning just behind her eyes and she squeezed them shut, willing the pain away.
No, the information had to come from her. Anything else would be even more unforgivable and even if Luke did end up hating her until the end of time, at least he couldn’t say she’d let him find out from somebody else.
She’d debated ending things with Nathan but she knew she couldn’t do that. Not now, not after she’d admitted that she was as in love with him as he was with her.
Just thinking about him had her smiling and feeling all warm and tingly inside. Despite him not pressuring her, she knew he wanted her to tell Luke about them as soon as possible so that they could date publicly and deep down she wanted that, too. She just wished she could have them both in her life instead of having to choose, although it seemed most likely her best friend would be making the decision for her since she couldn’t envision him wanting to know her after what she had done.
Turning on the faucet, Haley leaned forward over the basin and splashed cold water onto her face before standing up and again staring into the mirror; the water running down her cheeks and mixing in with the tears that were now falling.
* * * * *
Nathan smiled as his girlfriend approached their table down by the docks but it quickly left his face when he saw her red-rimmed eyes and the dark circles beneath them. “Hales?”
“I-I can’t tell him, Nathan, I’m sorry.” Her voice cracked, her eyes not meeting his. She’d been awake all night, tossing and turning, trying to work out how exactly to tell Lucas about her and Nathan without any success. He’d been a part of her life for so long that she didn’t know how she would survive with the knowledge that he hated her.
And Karen had been like a second mother to her. The mere thought of looking into her eyes and seeing the disappointment they held made her feel sick to her stomach.
Just last night she’d sworn to herself that she wouldn’t give up seeing Nathan but, given the circumstances, it seemed like the best option all around. No one knew about them and if they ended things now, there was a good chance they never would.
“I’ll find you another tutor, okay, and you’ll—”
“What? What are you saying, Haley?”
“I’m saying I can’t lose my best friend... I just can’t. I’ve known him practically my whole life and he and Karen mean the world to me. I can’t lose either of them and I know I will if they find out we’re seeing each other.”
Nathan’s fingers gripped the wooden table as he stood up from the bench he’d been sitting on. He felt like he was trapped in some kind of nightmare and he desperately wanted to wake up. “Seeing each other? Is that all you think we’re doing?”
“Nathan, I—”
“Do you?” he interrupted.
Haley shook her head. “No,” she replied in a quiet voice. “It’s more than that but...”
“But it doesn’t mean as much as your friendship with him. I get it.”
“Nathan, please.”
“I love you.”
“I—”
“Do you know how many people I’ve told that to? Three. My parents when I was younger and now you. That’s it. I know I have this wild reputation but I promise you, it’s not something I’ve said to other girls. Not even when I was with Peyton. Don’t you think that means something?”
Haley’s eyes filled with tears as she listened to him. She wanted to run back home and crawl into bed and cry. Hurting him was the last thing she ever wanted to do and just looking into his beautiful, expressive blue eyes told her that that was exactly what she was doing. Squeezing them shut, she tried to get her breathing under control and when she opened them again a moment later, she startled at seeing him standing right in front of her. When he cupped her cheek in his large, slightly calloused palm, her teeth sunk into her bottom lip to stop herself from moaning at the familiar contact but she couldn’t prevent herself from leaning into his touch.
“You don’t have to tell him,” he whispered, his forehead resting against hers as his blue eyes searched her dark brown ones. “I won’t pressure you into saying anything and I promise I won’t tell him or anyone about us. Just... please don’t leave me.” He knew he probably sounded pathetic but right now he didn’t care. He needed her and just the thought of never being able to spend time with her, to kiss and touch her... he couldn’t bear it.
“I can’t keep lying to him, Nathan. It’s not fair on him or on us.”
“So there is an us, then?”
Nuzzling her nose against his, she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. “Yes,” she whispered, “there’s an us.”
Nathan wrapped his arms tightly around her waist as he buried his face in the nook between her neck and shoulder, breathing in her scent and releasing it as a sigh of relief. Drawing back from her several long moments later, he looked into her eyes and said, “Don’t ever do that to me again, okay?”
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she cried, her fingers clutching at his back.
“Shhh, it’s okay.” He rubbed one of his hands up and down her back over her jacket in an attempt to soothe her. “I’m not saying it’s going to be easy but maybe it won’t be as bad as you’re thinking.”
“Do you really believe that?” His eyes gave away the answer and she sighed quietly. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
“You don’t have to tell him today, Hales. I’m sorry if I’m pressuring you or—”
“You’re not,” she said, reassuring him. It’s me who’s pressuring me. It has to come from me and I’m just scared that the longer I leave it, the more chance there is of someone seeing us together and telling him instead. I know we’re being careful but even being here together now in broad daylight, anyone could see us and just mention it to him. It’s one thing if they see us studying together but if they see us hugging or kissing, you can imagine just how much juicier that information will be when they’re telling him all about it.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. He could easily picture that scenario, especially given the fact it wasn’t too far off what he would’ve told Lucas about himself and Haley had his plan worked out the way he’d originally intended it to.
“I’ll do it tonight,” she suddenly blurted out. “If I don’t do it soon, I won’t do it at all. I spent most of last night and this morning trying to work out the exact words and look what happened, I ended up here instead and tried to break up with you.”
“Maybe you’re over-thinking it,” Nathan said. “See him tonight and just take it as it comes. If it doesn’t happen, don’t worry about it. I mean, there’s always tomorrow, right?”
“Thanks,” she mumbled, the sarcasm clearly evident in her voice. “You’re a big help.”
“Hey, I’ll go with you if you think it helps but I’m not sure you’ll be too happy when he starts trying to punch my face in.”
“I wish you could come with me but you’re right, it’d just make things worse. If he comes looking for you though, you’ll know I finally did it.”
“You mean you won’t even call and give me a heads up?”
“You’re sounding like you’re enjoying all of this.”
He quickly shook his head. “No, believe me I’m not. I may not like the guy but I know how much he means to you and I don’t want him to hate you when the blame should lay at my door.”
“What?”
“I’m the one who came after you, Hales. I wanted him to know what it felt like to lose something he really cared about but that was before I got to know you... before I fell in love with you.”
“Nath—”
He cut her off by fusing his lips with hers, kissing her soft and slow, savouring her taste which he couldn’t seem to get enough of.
“I love you, too,” she told him a few minutes later when they finally parted and she’d managed to catch her breath.
“Promise me something.”
“What is it?” Her fingers idly combed through his thick, dark hair as she waited for him to reply.
“Don’t try and break up with me like that again.”
Hugging him tightly, she whispered into his ear, “I promise.”
“You can dump my ass if I hurt you in some way, not that I’m intending on ever doing that, but don’t dump me because it’s the easy way out of something ‘cause that’s not fair.”
“I know,” she agreed. “It was wrong and I promise I won’t do it again.”
“Good.” Smiling at her, he kissed the tip of her nose before finding her lips again.
* * * * *
Taking a deep breath, Haley knocked on Lucas’ door and nervously waited for him to open it. It seemed to take forever but finally there he was, looking at her with that familiar smile of his, the smile she knew would soon be disappearing.
“Hey, Hales, I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight. We didn’t have plans, did we?”
She shook her head and did her best to return his smile. “No, we didn’t. I just… I needed to talk to you about something.”
“Okay.” He opened the door wider and took a step back to allow her to enter his bedroom. “Is everything okay?”
Haley’s fingers toyed with the hem of her jacket as she forced herself to meet his gaze, her teeth biting into her bottom lip as she fought the urge to cry. Maybe she didn’t need to tell him toni—”
“Haley?” Closing the short distance between them, he took her fidgeting hands in his own and stilled them. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”
A single tear rolled down her cheek and she willed herself not to break down in front of him. “You’re not going to like what I’m about to tell you but I have to say it. I want you to hear it from me… I need you to hear it from me instead of from someone else.”
“Has it got something to do with how weird you’ve been acting these past few months?”
“Yes,” she stated simply. “I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now but it… I was scared to. I know you’re going to hate me and—”
“I could never hate you, Hales. You’ve got to know that by now.”
“You might change your mind after you hear what I’ve got to say.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t tell me, then.”
“I-I have to, Luke.”
Lucas didn’t know what could be so bad that she thought he’d hate her for it, but the fact she felt that strongly made him feel increasingly nervous about what she was about to tell him. Nodding his head, he replied, “Just tell me.”
Forcing herself to meet his eyes, she finally said the words she’d been practicing over and over again in her head, “I, uh, I’ve been tutoring Nathan.”