Pray
Title: Pray
Author: Diane
Pairing: Nathan/Haley
Rating: Teen Rated
Disclaimer: I don’t own a thing!
Spoilers/Warnings: Everything up to and including last night’s episode, 4x09. Includes a little bit of bad language.
Summary: She had saved his life. She had risked her life to save him. If only she had known he wasn’t worth it.
Author’s Notes: This is written in response to Dash’s (nashley’s) request for me to write a tag to last night’s episode, following on from where it left off. I hope this is at least a little like what you were hoping for.
Since I'm not involved in the medical field, I'd ask that anyone reading this suspends their belief regarding that particular part of the story.
As this story is a bit of a departure from what I usually write and I'm a little nervous about posting it, much love and big hugs go to Brynne for reassuring me and for beta-ing it, too. *hugs*
Everything was such a blur.
He had lost all sense of how much time had passed since…since… The words wouldn’t come and seemed to be stuck in his throat. An ‘accident’ was the wrong word. That had been no accident. It had been deliberate…calculated and it was a good thing that bastard was dead because he would have ripped him apart with his bare hands if his father hadn’t have stopped him.
His hand, which by now had been cleaned up and bandaged by a nurse who had noticed it when he was giving her Haley’s details, felt numb despite a lack of pain medication. In fact his whole body felt numb…frozen. He couldn’t feel a thing and he knew he wouldn’t again until he knew how Haley was…how both she and their child, their son was doing and even then it depended upon what he would be told.
Nathan ran his uninjured hand through his hair as he sat by himself in the corridor, watching the double doors behind which the doctors and nurses were working on his wife…his Haley.
She had saved his life.
She had risked her life to save him.
If only she had known he wasn’t worth it.
He was the one who was supposed to protect her, supposed to protect her and their unborn child but instead he had put them both in danger. God, if they didn’t come out of this…he would never forgive himself for as long as he lived.
This was all his fault.
And Lucas. His brother. His heart hadn’t been able to take seeing his best friend, his sister-in-law lying in the street, her body bloody and broken.
What had he done? How could one stupid action become so catastrophic as to endanger three lives and devastate the ones who had to stand idly by and do nothing but watch and pray that everything would be okay.
If Haley pulled through but they lost their baby, how would she ever forgive him for what he had brought onto them? She had the biggest, most generous heart of anyone he had ever known but he knew there was a strong chance this would be too much for her to take.
If they lost Lucas…
Nathan shook his head, his fingers gripping his hair tightly as he mentally shouted at himself. NO! No. He couldn’t think like this. He needed to stay positive, he needed to believe that he would have a chance to make everything right, make amends for this unholy mess he had made.
Sitting in that corridor, he felt invisible. Doctors and nurses walked by every now and then and each time they did, he was sure they were coming over to talk to him and his body would straighten as he waited for the other shoe to drop. But they didn’t stop. They simply walked past him as though he wasn’t there at all and once more his body would sag.
As he continued to sit there, staring at the floor, his shoes, the walls, he wondered whether his dad was still with the police. He figured he must be otherwise he would be here and a part of him actually wished he was there sitting beside him. God, there really was a first time for everything. He felt fresh tears in his eyes and he blinked furiously to try and see through them but in the end he gave up and just let them fall.
“Nathan?”
His head turned to the side at hearing the familiar voice and he saw Whitey standing there, the old man’s own eyes glassy with suppressed tears as he held a cup out to him.
“Can I sit?”
Nathan nodded, his mouth too dry to speak. Taking the offered cup, he took a sip of the hot, bitter coffee and mumbled, “Thanks.”
“How’s everyone… Has there been any news yet?”
“Not yet. No one’s come out and—I don’t…” He paused, feeling more tears roll down his cheeks and placing his drink down onto the floor, he swiped at them angrily. “This is all my fault.”
“Son, you can’t--”
“I’m the reason that Haley and Lucas are in here,” he stated. “It’s all down to me.”
Whitey watched the young man in front of him and he could just tell that there was more to this than just the normal sort of guilt a person felt in these sorts of circumstances. “What are you talking about?”
“She saved me, you know. Haley pushed me out of his way and he hit her instead and I watched…I watched…”
Placing an arm around his shoulders, Whitey tried to offer some form of comfort even though he knew it most likely wouldn’t help. The only person who had ever really been able to do that was Haley and he silently prayed that everything would be okay because he didn’t think Nathan would ever be the same without her. He didn’t deserve to lose the love of his life before they had even had gotten started. Sure, life could be cruel but did it need to be that cruel?
Both men were so caught up in their thoughts that they didn’t notice the doctor who had suddenly walked up and stopped in front of them. “Mr Scott?”
Wiping his eyes, Nathan immediately stood up and looked at the doctor, his face full of questions. “H-How’s Haley? Is she okay? The baby? Can I see her?”
The doctor smiled kindly at him, used to having a million questions thrown at her by the families of her patients. “She’s doing fine; she was very lucky considering the impact she suffered when the car struck her and then when she hit the ground. However, the x-rays have shown that her right leg is broken and she’s also got a fractured wrist. We’ve already set them and placed them in casts. The scans we took show no signs of any head injuries which is, of course, very good news but we want to keep her in for observation. We’ve cleaned her cuts and--”
“What about the baby?” Nathan interrupted. “Is the baby okay?”
“The baby has survived but--”
“But what?” His panicked eyes found Whitey’s before he returned his gaze back to the doctor’s.
“The baby’s heartbeat was quite faint when your wife was brought in and so we’re monitoring the situation closely. Considering the trauma she suffered which I’ve already mentioned, it’s not surprising that it’s caused the baby some distress. The ultrasound we carried out didn’t show up anything untoward but, like I said, we’re keeping a close eye on things so let’s not worry too much just yet.”
If it wasn’t for Whitey’s hand still on Nathan’s back, he was sure he would have collapsed onto the floor by now. His legs felt like Jell-O and the weight that was pressing down on his shoulders wasn’t helping matters.
“Can I see her?”
The doctor nodded. “Of course. She’s still unconscious at the moment but hopefully she’ll be waking up soon. When she does, try to keep her as calm and relaxed as possible. The less stressed she is, the more chance there is that the baby will make it through this. I’ll take you to her,” she said, as she began walking down the corridor.
“I’ll try and find out about Lucas,” Whitey informed him, giving the young man standing before him a gentle push in the doctor’s direction.
“Okay,” he said, taking a few steps before turning back to face the other man. “Whitey? Thanks…you know, for being here.”
“You’re welcome, son,” he whispered, giving him a reassuring nod before he watched Nathan turn and walk away.
* * * * *
Nathan stood in the doorway of Haley’s room for a few minutes after the doctor had left and he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her. She looked so small lying there, so pale and fragile as some sort of monitor was attached to her stomach where their baby rested. The blood that had been on her face was gone and a pad of gauze was taped to where he had seen a cut on her forehead. Her grazed knuckles had been cleaned and what looked like an ointment had been applied but he could still see the angry redness coming through which was a stark contrast to the white cast that encased most of her left arm.
Finally, he forced himself to walk towards her and he moved the chair that was beside the bed even closer and took a seat on it. As gently as he could, he picked up her hand and kissed each of her fingers before placing her palm flat against his face. The warmth he felt radiating from it gave him proof that she was here, that she had survived what had happened and he felt the knot in his stomach loosen just a tiny bit.
“I-I’m sorry, Haley… I’m so sorry,” he repeated as tears once again flooded his eyes and spilled over to fall down his cheeks. “I’ll make it up to you, I’ll make it up to you both,” he promised. “I don’t expect you to forgive me but I-I need you to try because… I need you, Hales. You’re the only one I’ve ever needed and I don’t want to go back to the way I was before you came into my life.”
Shifting as close as he could, Nathan leaned forward over her and covered her unresponsive lips with his own, kissing her as softly as he could before retreating back further into his seat. He laid his head down beside her stomach, his face turned towards hers so that he could keep looking at her. Eventually, his eyes grew heavy and even though he tried to force them to stay open, all the events of that night finally caught up with him and he couldn’t help it when they closed.
* * * * *
His eyes flickered open when he felt a light brushing sensation through his hair but he squeezed them shut again when the bright fluorescent light in the room stung them. When he opened them again a few moments later, he was met with the most beautiful sight. Haley’s rich, brown eyes were open and looking right back at him and he felt a smile stretch across his lips. Breathing a sigh of relief, he carefully moved back into his seat, feeling the pull in his muscles as a result of the awkward position he’d slept in. His fingers lightly brushed over her cheek and he saw the glassy sheen in her eyes which he knew mirrored his own.
“N-Nathan…” she choked out in a dry whisper.
“Hey, baby.” He couldn’t resist kissing her now that she was awake and scooting forward on his seat, he touched his mouth to her lips before drawing back. “Let me call the doctor or a nurse and tell them you’re awake and--”
“Wait,” Haley interrupted. “I need to know…I-I want you to tell me…” Her voice broke as the tears cascaded down her face. “The baby...is he…”
“He’s fine,” Nathan quickly told her. “They, uh, did a ultrasound and that didn’t show anything bad but they’re going to keep monitoring him to make sure everything’s okay. The doctor said you need to stay as calm as possible so just try and rest.”
It was Haley’s turn to breathe a sigh of relief and she closed her eyes and said a silent prayer of thanks. She felt Nathan’s hand on her cheek and she leaned into his touch. God, when she’d seen that car coming straight at him… Her first instinct had been to push him out of the way. She remembered the headlights which had dazzled and startled her, rooting her to the spot until the car catapulted her into the air and she hit the windshield. It had happened so fast yet she could still hear the loud cracking/smashing of glass ringing in her ears.
“Hales?”
She tried to lift her hand to her face but it felt heavy and her eyes immediately searched Nathan’s. “My arm feels heavy.”
“Your wrist is fractured so they’ve put it in a cast and, uh…”
“What? What is it?”
“Your, uh, leg is broken,” he told her, lacing his fingers with hers and being careful not to touch any of the grazed skin.
“Anything else?”
“No, thank god,” he said, burying his face in the nook of her shoulder and breathing her in, feeling her warm skin against his own. “I-I thought I’d lost you, Hales.”
“Shh, it’s okay, I’m here,” she whispered, stroking his hair and lightly caressing the back of his neck. He was trembling against her and using her good arm, she held him to her, comforting him as much as comforting herself. If she ever lost him…
“I love you so much,” he told her after he’d drawn back from her so he could look into her face, his fingers touching her so delicately.
“I love you, too.” Haley covered his lips with hers and the kiss they shared was one that seemed to touch her very soul.
“I’m so sorry,” Nathan whispered into her hair over and over.
“Baby, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for… That car just…it seemed to come out of nowhere.”
Taking a deep breath, he opened his mouth, about to begin his confession when he suddenly seemed to realise that now might not be the best time to reveal everything to her. The doctor had told him she needed to stay as calm and relaxed as possible and hearing that he was responsible for what had happened wasn’t going to keep her in that state. The last thing he wanted was to hurt her even more than he had already.
And he hadn’t even broken the news of his brother—her best friend to her yet. That alone was going to crush her and--”
“Nathan?”
“Let me go and get the doctor, okay? They’re going to want to check on you now that you’re awake.”
Smiling at him, she replied. “Okay. Could you do me a favour while you’re gone?” When he nodded, she continued. “Find Luke and tell him I’m fine. He and the others are probably worrying and there’s no need.”
Nathan’s mouth opened but no words came out so instead he again nodded his head in agreement. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Getting up out of the chair, he lowered his head to hers and kissed her lips before dropping a kiss onto the top of her head. Walking towards the door, he lingered in the doorway for a moment, watching her place a hand over her stomach and he felt like his heart was breaking.
He stopped at the nurses’ station and told them Haley was now awake but instead of following the nurse as she headed to check on her, he stumbled around a corner and slid to the floor, his back to the wall. Resting his head against his knees, he let the tears fall as he prayed to whoever was listening for Haley, their son and Lucas to be okay and he also prayed for a chance to put everything right. For all of their sakes.
Fin