R is for Rain
Title: R is for Rain
Author: Diane
Fandom: Roswell
Pairing: Michael/Maria
Rating: Teen Rated
Disclaimer: Nope, I don’t own a thing!
Written for: The letter_love community challenge
Summary: Michael’s thoughts and feelings during that scene in ‘Independence Day’.
Author’s Note: Maria’s dialogue is taken from the episode itself and the transcript I used was from Crashdown.com
I stand here in the freezing cold rain staring at what I know is her bedroom window. When the colourful hanging beads covering her window part several moments later, I see her staring back at me and I desperately want to go to her. For a while, all I can do is continue standing there, my hands shoved deep into my pockets, but finally they begin to move and, as I get closer, I can see her lips moving. She’s saying something and while I obviously can’t hear her voice, I can pretty much guess what she’s saying based upon how things have been between us lately.
Our relationship, if you can even call it that, is hard to put into words. I know she thinks I’m using her as some kind of make out buddy but…that’s actually not true. There’s a part of me that wishes I could open up to her and tell her how I really feel but I can’t. I have to keep that damn stonewall up in place because when the time comes and I have to leave earth… Well, it’ll just make things easier if I don’t have any attachments to anyone or anything.
My feet are taking me even closer still and my eyes are riveted to her full lips and I see them forming and releasing the word ‘no’ repeatedly. My shoulders slump that little bit more and while I know I should just turn and walk in the direction that I came from, I can’t seem to make myself leave.
The rain is coming down even harder and despite the collar of my jacket being pulled up tight, the cold water manages to find its way inside and I feel it trickling down my bare skin. I shiver in response and… I don’t know if she saw it or what, but the next thing I know she’s opening her window and helping me to climb inside.
My body shivers harder as the warm air from inside envelopes me but I don’t move. I simply stand in the centre of her room and breathe in the familiar scent of rose and eucalyptus oil which I know from having smelt it on her so often that it’s still her favourite mixture.
Suddenly, a soft towel is placed on my head and she’s gently rubbing the rainwater from my hair. I can feel the prickle of tears behind my eyelids at the care she’s giving me, care that I don’t deserve and especially not after the way I’ve treated her.
“God, you could get pneumonia. Here, take your shirt off. Hold on. You're shivering.”
She unbuttons my shirt and pushes it off my shoulders and down my arms, leaving me in just my undershirt and when my eyes meet hers, I feel a tear escape my eye and roll down my cheek, a tear that she gently wipes away with her thumb while the palm of her hand cradles the side of my face and she watches me intently.
I honestly can’t remember the last time I cried. Actually, that’s not true. I remember crying after one of Hank’s early beatings not long after my foster mother had skipped town. He laughed at me, calling me a pussy and whipping me even harder with his belt and then punching me with his fists until I passed out. After that I forced myself to bury everything deep inside and to never let anyone see me cry.
“Come here.” Her hand lowers and she takes my hand in hers and leads me over to her bed and I hesitate for a split second before climbing onto it and lying on my side, my back to her. I notice her scent is so much stronger on the pillows and I can’t help but breathe it in.
She climbs onto the bed and I can feel my body trembling harder as I cry without making much sound. I hold my breath as I wait for her to laugh at my weakness but it doesn’t come and I slowly begin to breathe again, although my body is still tense.
Her hand rubs up and down my arm as she scoots in even closer to me and I feel her chin resting on my shoulder as she soothes me with her words.
“Shh, it's ok. You don't have to tell me, it's ok.”
I cry harder at that. The strange thing is that I want to tell her… I want to confide in her but I don’t know how. How can I tell her something that I’ve never told anyone? Something I can’t help but feel ashamed about. Oh, I know Max and Isabel are aware of what my life is like, especially after what they witnessed tonight, but… They knew before tonight and they never ever mentioned it. They never offered to help me yet Maria, without me telling her a single thing, is helping me by simply letting me into her home…into her bedroom…into her arms.
I know we’ll still fight and bitch at each other yet whatever comes our way, whether together or apart, I know that I’ll never ever forget the kindness she bestowed upon me with such simple gestures.
As I slowly drift off in the safely of her embrace, I’m pretty sure that tonight will be the first decent night’s sleep I’ll have had in a long time and for the first time in my life on this planet, I feel safe and warm and it’s all thanks to one Maria Deluca.
Fin