2006 FRQ #2

         DUCHESS OF BERWICK (shaking hands). Dear 

     Margaret, I am so pleased to see you. You remember 

     Agatha,1 don’t you? How do you do, Lord 

     Darlington? I won’t let you know my daughter, you 

5  are far too wicked.

         LORD DARLINGTON. Don’t say that, Duchess. 

     As a wicked man I am a complete failure. Why, there 

     are lots of people who say I have never really done 

     anything wrong in the whole course of my life. Of 

10 course they only say it behind my back. 

         DUCHESS OF BERWICK. Isn’t he dreadful? 

     Agatha, this is Lord Darlington. Mind you don’t 

     believe a word he says. No, no tea, thank you, dear. 

     (Sits on sofa.) We have just had tea at Lady Markby’s. 

15 Such bad tea, too. It was quite undrinkable. I wasn’t at 

     all surprised. Her own son-in-law supplies it. Agatha 

     is looking forward so much to your ball tonight, dear 

     Margaret. 

         LADY WINDERMERE (seated). Oh, you musn’t 

20 think it is going to be a ball, Duchess. It is only a 

     dance in honour of my birthday. A small and early. 

         LORD DARLINGTON (standing). Very small, 

     very early, and very select, Duchess. 

         DUCHESS OF BERWICK. Of course it’s going 

25 to be select. But we know that, dear Margaret, about 

     your house. It is really one of the few houses in 

     London where I can take Agatha, and where I feel 

     perfectly secure about dear Berwick. I don’t know 

     what society is coming to. The most dreadful people 

30 seem to go everywhere. They certainly come to my 

     parties—the men get quite furious if one doesn’t 

     ask them. Really, some one should make a stand 

     against it. 

         LADY WINDERMERE. I will, Duchess. I will 

35 have no one in my house about whom there is any 

     scandal. 

         LORD DARLINGTON. Oh, don’t say that, Lady 

     Windermere. I should never be admitted. (Sitting.)

         DUCHESS OF BERWICK. Oh, men don’t matter. 

40 With women it is different. We’re good. Some of us 

     are, at least. But we are positively getting elbowed 

     into the corner. Our husbands would really forget our 

     existence if we didn’t nag at them from time to time, 

     just to remind them that we have a perfect legal right 

45 to do so. 

         LORD DARLINGTON. It’s a curious thing, 

     Duchess, about the game of marriage—a game, by the 

     way, that is going out of fashion—the wives hold all 

     the honours2 and invariably lose the odd trick.3 

50     DUCHESS OF BERWICK. The odd trick? Is that 

     the husband, Lord Darlington? 

         LORD DARLINGTON. It would be rather a good 

     name for the modern husband. 

         DUCHESS OF BERWICK. Dear Lord Darlington, 

55 how thoroughly depraved you are! 

         LADY WINDERMERE. Lord Darlington is trivial. 

         LORD DARLINGTON. Ah, don’t say that, Lady 

     Windermere. 

         LADY WINDERMERE. Why do you talk so 

60 trivially about life, then? 

         LORD DARLINGTON. Because I think that life 

     is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously 

     about it. 

         DUCHESS OF BERWICK. What does he mean? 

65 Do, as a concession to my poor wits, Lord Darlington, 

     just explain to me what you really mean. 

         LORD DARLINGTON. I think I had better not, 

     Duchess. Nowadays to be intelligible is to be found 

     out. Good-bye! (Shakes hands with DUCHESS.) And 

70 now—Lady Windermere, good-bye. I may come 

     tonight, mayn’t I? Do let me come. 

         LADY WINDERMERE. Yes, certainly. But you 

     are not to say foolish, insincere things to people. 

         LORD DARLINGTON (smiling). Ah! you are 

75 beginning to reform me. It is a dangerous thing to 

     reform any one, Lady Windermere. (Bows and exit).