Scene 9.15 - More Loose Ends
EST: EXT. Tellusia, Long Ago
MUSIC UP
(The set is Late 1800s Western. There is a large clock mounted upon a building at the end of the wide street. Various cameos, dressed in Western gear, are walking about in a daze. [Ref: Star Trek: The Return Of The Archons] CAMEO TWELVE and CAMEO FOURTEEN are running from something. They are dressed in Colonial outfits, a hundred years out of step with the rest of the community.)
CAMEO TWELVE
This way! Run!
CAMEO FOURTEEN
Look there's more of them! They're everywhere!
(Various shots of ROSE, DAISY, LILY, POPPY, DAHLIA, IRIS and PIXIE in face-obscuring robes, carrying hollow tubes, weilding them like weapons, walking slowly toward the pair.)
CAMEO TWELVE
Our horses! We must escape!
CAMEO FOURTEEN
I can't make it!
CAMEO TWELVE
Come on!
CAMEO FOURTEEN
Go without me, warn the others! You know what they're capable of!
CAMEO TWELVE V.O.
No! (We hear him mount his horse as the women surround CAMEO FOURTEEN and we hear a sci-fi-sounding electonic wah-wah and CAMEO FOURTEEN goes rigid and then falls unconscious. The group turns toward CAMEO TWELVE, who we hear furiously galloping away. The women point their tubes at him.) Noooooo!
MS ROBED CHICKS HOLDING LONG SHAFTS
SOUND: WAH-WAHHHHHHHHHMP!
CUT TO: Tribal Village
(THE BARON, CAMEO TWENTY-ONE, CAMEO TEN and CAMEO ELEVEN are sitting around a campfire, passing several peace pipes. They are jovial and are all wearing masks. A masked CAMEO ELEVEN arrives from the darkness, carrying an unmasked and unconscious CAMEO TWELVE. CAMEO ELEVEN stands CAMEO TWELVE and holds him upright until CAMEO TWELVE comes to.)
CAMEO TEN
Our scout returns?
CAMEO TWENTY-ONE
Only one? What of the other?
CAMEO ELEVEN
Only one. He returned on his horse like this. I do not know of the other.
THE BARON
(Stands. Draws heavily from the pipe. Passes it to CAMEO ELEVEN as he supports CAMEO TWELVE from the other side and exhales into CAMEO TWELVE'S face. CAMEO TWELVE coughs a bit and eventually comes to.) What happened, man?
CAMEO TWELVE
You!
THE BARON
Are you all right, speak man! What of the other we sent with you?
CAMEO TWELVE
You, you all, you are not of the body. You sent us to spy on the body but these... (throws three-point hat at CAMEO TWENTY-ONE) ...these are not the clothes of the body.
CAMEO TWENTY-ONE
What of the boy? The other we sent with you? Where is he?
CAMEO TWELVE
Paradise.
THE BARON
(Trades back CAMEO TWELVE for the peace pipe. He tokes, nods to the chief and turns back to CAMEO ELEVEN. Tokes again.) Keep an eye on this motor scooter; don't let him out of your sight and don't let him play with any knives. Your chief and I with these other cats are going to doll ourselves up it the latest in Western wear and go find that kid and find out just what in blazes is going on. (Tokes.) Don't let him play with fire, either, unless you all are sharing a peace pipe. (THE BARON sure isn't sharing. Tokes.) Also-
CAMEO TWELVE
Peace. She is peace and joy and light and harmony and bliss and prosperity-
THE BARON
(Tokes.) Where's he going with this? (Tokes.) Dude! Who? Who is peace and joy and prosperity?
CAMEO TWELVE
(Looking off into space, away:) She is everywhere.
CAMEO TWENTY-ONE
Who do you speak of? What is her name?
CAMEO TWELVE
(Smiling, blissful.) Nandru. Nandru.
MUSIC UP
CROSSFADE TO:
INT. U.S.S.S. Enrapture
(CLARK arrives from the black Red Room door and the portal closes. He is alone.)
LILY
What happened, sir? You only left a moment ago.
CLARK
We were unsuccessful. (Strides to door.) Computer! Red alert! Battlestations!
CUT TO:
INT. Bridge U.S.S.S. Enrapture
RAMONA
(In chair:) I'm not sure what it is. Maybe we should call Lily-
SOUND: ALARM
(The red alert siren sounds. Lights be blinkin' red and all.)
POPPY
(At helm with DAISY.) Mam, I've got a fix on it. Thirty-thousand kilometers in diameter on all sides, cube shaped.
RAMONA
Magnify.
POPPY
Maximum magnification, Mam.
RAMONA
Good God!
CUT TO: BOARD CUBE
(An intricate, interlaced, three-dimensional circuit board sparks and glistens in the heart of space. Deadly, sinister and foreboding, it fills the screen with fear and the crew with awe.)
SWISH!
(LILY and CLARK enter. Musical chairs as everyone swaps duty stations and CLARK sits.)
CLARKE
Ms. Romero, report!
RAMONA
It just phased in out of nowhere! It wasn't there, and then, suddenly, it was!
CLARKE
Shields up!
LILY
Aye-aye sir.
DAISY
Lily! You got promoted! Congrats!
LILY
Thanks!
CLARKE
Enough line chatter! Hold our position and ready all torpedo tubes.
DAISY
Yes sir!
LILY
Magnification one thousand percent, still approaching at quantum warp factor two.
CUT TO: OMINOUS BOARD CUBE
DAISY
All blaster banks and torpedo tubes ready, sir.
CLARK
Stand by, Ensign Housemann.
DAISY
Aye-aye sir.
RAMONA
Mr. Clark, we are being hailed.
CLARK
Onscreen.
MS: BOARD VERNE
(Not quite like SIX-OF-NINE in an exaggerated sense, but certainly as grotesque in a creepy metal-hose-appendage, watery-electronic-voice, cyberpunk sense. The cyborg VERNE approaches on the screen.)
BOARD VERNE
I am Juicious, primary adjunct to hub one-seven-one, you will be assimilated by The Board, resistance is futile, you will be brought to perfection, prepare for hostile take-over.
CU: CLARK
CLARK
Ensign, fire.
MUSIC UP
FADE OUT/IN
EST. LS Arial of modern house in wooded mountain region
INT. Apartment, Oblivion.
(We're in the room of the apartment that resembles the house in Forbidden Planet. Instead of being sparsely decorated -- as in the scene where the couple had just moved in -- it is elaborately furnished, with little room for anything new to be introduced without having to move to a larger space. Not necessarily like a hoarder, nor cluttered, just -- full. Full of eye candy, vintage signs and antiques, the room looks more like a booth at a flea market than a living room. A large wall screen dominates the large windowless wall toward the center of the room. The trio is seated on a large, ergonomic couch; all looking at the title screen of Mastering Mary Jane. VERNE fumbles with a remote as VIOLET snacks on trail mix and JYNX cracks open another beer.)
JYNX
Maybe it's in a sub-menu.
VERNE
It's gotta be here.
VIOLET
What are you looking for?
VERNE
A deleted scene.
VIOLET
Probably under Outtakes.
VERNE
Huh? Outtakes? Where's that?
VIOLET
You're in Director's Commentary. Back out of that to the main menu -- no you double clicked and you're in Subtitles. Go back. See Outtakes? Yeah, now Deleted Scenes.
JYNX
You should have just let her do it.
VERNE
Which one is it?
JYNX
I dunno -- hit Play All.
MS: Flatscreen Television
(It's from Volume One, Scene 5.28 -- the scene where BUD GREEN is in CARMELLA'S bedroom. CARMELLA is pacing without touching the ground, AURORA is floating in an adjacent alcove and BUD is in bed. BUD sits up and immediately lights a hefty blunt.)
BUD
(Sparks, tokes.) So... You want a baby?
CARMELLA
(Already smoking a joint in a cigarette holder.) Yes, I need a man. I need you.
BUD
(Pause. Tokes.) Excuse me. (Exhales.) Why would "God" need a man?
AURORA
(From an adjacent alcove.) Huh? What are you doing?
BUD
I asked you a question, Mel. Why would "God" need a man for a baby?
AURORA
Are you out of your mind? When The Almighty asks for your sperm, you don't ask why!
BUD
I'm just askin' a question: If you're God, why do you need me for a child? Can't you just breathe on some clay? Isn't that how you supposedly created us in the first place?
CUT TO: Trio
VERNE
This ain't it.
JYNX
Skip to the next one.
VERNE
I think it might not be on here, it was in the beginning of the movie.
VIOLET
What was? What are you guys looking for?
VERNE
Nothin' special. Hey we'll just forget about it, ai't?
VIOLET
What's he looking for, Jynx?
JYNX
There's supposed to be a scene where Mary Jane didn't have enough suds to cover her...
VIOLET
Oh that figures. You're such a pervert!
JYNX
I could have told you that.
VIOLET
Kye-ah-thay! He gets it from you. (Takes remote and switches to a nature documentary.) It's my turn to watch something. You guys find something else to do if you don't like it.
VERNE
See what you started?
JYNX
Don't look at me. You're the one who rented it cuz it said is was the unrated version.
VERNE
Should we order pizza again?
JYNX
How's it look outside?
VERNE
(Opens shudders. The entire forest surrounding the house is on fire.) Looks pretty bad. Don't think we have much time before it reaches us and it's all over anyway.
JYNX
What do you think, a half hour?
VERNE
Mmmmm... If that.
JYNX
So... would this be a good time to discuss sexual experimentation?
VERNE
No.
VIOLET
Discuss what?
VERNE
Nothing. (Beat. Offhand, waves it off.) He's been wanting us to have a threesome.
VIOLET
What?!?
VERNE
He's been bugging me about it. He says it won't get gay.
JYNX
It won't, I swear!
VIOLET
Oh, and that makes it okay? Over my dead body. You actually thought I would go for it?
VERNE
No... We're married, of course I didn't think you would go for it, but I really didn't think you would get this upset about it; maybe you should feel a little flattered, Honey.
VIOLET
Flattered? I'm certainly not flattered!
VERNE
Uh, I know. It's kinda why I never brought it up before.
VIOLET
Oh, and so now that we've only got a half hour to go before the world ends and we finally wake up and get out of this unholy prison, you thought it would be best spent by doing a three-way?
JYNX
I prefer to call it a menage-a-trois... A triangle of love...
VIOLET
You! Shut up already!
VERNE
I didn't ask you to- Man, maybe you'd better go, see what you've started? I think enough has been said about it. Look, I didn't tell you about it, cuz I knew you'd never go for it.
VIOLET
No! You thought I'd be flattered! I can't believe you didn't set him straight.
JYNX
I'll go. I'm sorry you're upset. Goodnight.
(He opens the door. Flames rush in, engulfing the room and setting JYNX ablaze.)
JYNX
Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrgggghhhhhhh!
(JYNX, engulfed in flames, falls and dies. VIOLET rushes to embrace VERNE.)
CU: PAIR IN A LAKE OF FIRE
VIOLET
(Melodramatic:) Is this the end, baby?
VERNE
(Calm:) I think so.
VIOLET
(Amorous:) I love you.
VERNE
(Sincere:) I love you too.
(They kiss as the room completely catches fire around them and fills with smoke.)
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. New Trinity, Home Of the Titans
(The TITANS are in their lair, standing in a semi-circle. In both arms, ZERO [VERNE] is holding the corpse of AZALEA: Nude, bald, dead. He lays her body at the feet of the massive TITANS. The top of her head has been stapled to the rest of her face and it looks like a butcher with tools from a hardware store made a go at putting Humpty-Dumpty back together again. ZERO looks up to them, sighs and nods downward, as if to say: "Okay, I tried everything short of channeling lost ancestors to get this girl to breathe again so come on dudes and dudettes, work your magic and do the voo-doo that you do so well: Fix my broken Universe again and while you're at it, repair my special playmate so I can be happy she's alive again.")
ZERO
Well?
TITAN SIX
You want us to fix your toy.
TITAN FIVE
And your Universe.
TITAN FOUR
And purge all those ghostly demons from your psyche.
ZERO
Yes. That basically sums it up.
TITAN ONE
We could stop now and go right to the real problem if you want...
ZERO
No, no... that can wait; that's in the works already. You see why she has to live...
MS: JYNX, CANDY AND NANCY IN TOGAS
JYNX
(Reclining on a ledge in the massive cave, his head in the lap of NANCY, who is giving him a scalp massage and his legs across the laps of CANDY, who massaging his feet while his sandals rest nearby within reach.) Like I said: Cleo, queen of denial.
ZERO
(To JYNX, quick:) Hey! I'll deal with you in good time; throw those baddies out and get back to what we were working on -- and take your damn robot with you!
(JYNX floats down to the cavern floor, near the TITANS, and morphs into a familiar-shaped obelisk of molten mercury. NANCY and CANDY [carrying JYNX'S sandals] float gracefully toward JYNX. Once the girls land, they shoot a stuck-up nose-in-the-air huff-glance toward ZERO and walk into the obelisk, vanishing and only leaving ripples in the quicksilver to remind us they were even here at all. ROMEO, dressed as he was at the Las Vegas hotel, rises from the fountain, holding one end of a chain that leads deeper into the fountain in the center of the massive cavern. ROMEO crosses to the obelisk and vanishes into the monolith of mercury like the ladies before him. The chain continues to parade across the remaining group and, eventually, an eight-foot, leashed version of a mature DUMPLIN HEEP arrives on the scene, only to quickly depart through the quicksilver portal to the nothingness within the bowels of the frame of THE GUARDIAN OF INFINITY [JYNX].)
TITAN THREE
Aw, you're taking Dumplin'?
TITAN FIVE
(Pets the creature's sweet-spot one more time.) We so much liked little Dumplin'...
TITAN ONE
(Picks up the corpse of AZALEA in one hand and slings her body toward a corridor. She flies like a toy doll toward a massive shelf along a long, dark natural corridor with a high ceiling.) And this one, too.
MS: HEAP OF BODIES
MS: AZALEA'S FACE
(AZALEA'S corpse lands atop several featureless toy bodies, all in a row on the shelf along the corridor. The stacks of limp, nude, featureless bodies stretches the length of the cavern to infinity. AZALEA'S features slowly erode away, like wind on sand or ice melting.)
TITAN TWO
It is done.
TITAN THREE
Last chance, Zero. You could stay here with us; lead us.
ZERO
No thanks. This place is a dead end.
TITAN TWO
It is not the end. It never will be the end.
ZERO
Once you know the answer of answers, how can it not be the end?
TITAN ONE
I think it is best described in the headline that is written for tomorrow's newspaper.
ZERO
Which is?
TITAN ONE
"Something Happened!"
ZERO
Doesn't sound like much news to me.
TITAN ONE
It is when you were expecting the opposite. Goodbye, Zero.
ZERO
Goodbye.
(VERNE walks through the phantasmic/plasmic monolith. The sheen of the tower becomes transparent, emitting only white light. Two images of VERNE diverge into different directions, one left and blue, one right and red.)
MUSICAL SEGUE
DISSOLVE TO: