Scene 7.05 - The Arrest
EST: INT. Misty's Bungalow, Havana, Cuba - January 11th, 1799
(LORD BENNIE is telling a yarn over a midnight snack and a glass of celebratory Brandy [or two... or three...]. MONTY and MISTY are half-dressed; [i.e. sleepwear] yet are very attentive, sharing a blanket and sharing chocolate-chip cookies and milk. MONTY is wearing a gold-charm necklace, seen on MISTY earlier. MISTY is wearing a blunt-cigar-band for a wedding ring.)
BENNIE
...Then, when I had reached the point at the end of the map, I sailed the Pearl Necklace Southward, into... (Coughs, washes down some phlegm.) Aaah, I'm not keeping you two up, am I?
BOTH
(Adlibs.) No! Not at all! Of course not!
MONTY
We love your stories.
BENNIE
(Tokes.) Jus' wonderin' cuz it looks like you're dressed for some other business, and I...
MONTY
That business, milord, was concluded hours ago. (Cuddles with her.) You're not interrupting anything; please, go on...
MISTY
We had a private wedding. We exchanged vows. At least among ourselves; between us and God, Monty and I are married.
BENNIE
Oh? (Shifts in chair like he was getting up, but doesn't.) I don't want to wreck your honeymoon...
MISTY
We've already had our honeymoon, too.
MONTY
(Smiles, whispered:) On the roof!
(BENNIE tilts and sips drink. No wonder all the neighborhood dogs were howling their heads off earlier...)
BENNIE
(Smacks lips. Downs drink, pours another.) So, Niece, since you've swapped vows, you've told him what your real first name is?
MISTY
Uncle Jack!
MONTY
(Curious and surprised.) Misty's not your real name?
BENNIE
She's named after our Matriarch; my dear sweet grandmother from the Italian side of the house, a family name.
MISTY
Uncle Jack!
BENNIE
It's a beautiful name! He's family now, you should tell him-
MISTY
No! No! They used to tease me as a child with it.
MONTY
(Smiling; she's got a secret!) I'll never tease you, Wife; I love everything about you.
MISTY
A stupid jump-rope rhyme that they used to sing when I'd go out to the playground. It rhymes with linoleum, how terrible is that?
MONTY
I dunno. What's linoleum? (Beat.) What is it, Misty?
MISTY
(A little quiet:) It's Limonium.
MONTY
Limonium?
MISTY
You hate it.
MONTY
I love it. (Sweet:) Limonium.
BENNIE
Named after my dear, sweet gramma-ma, may she rest in peace...
MISTY
It's the name of a smelly weed that reeks like a wet dog that's passing gas inside a bait shop.
MONTY
(Pictures it.) Hmmm. Maybe I can change your mind on how you feel about it, Limonium...
(He kisses her. Pause.)
BENNIE
Well, a marriage is certainly cause to celebrate. (Pours a drink, downs it, pours another.) Okay, one more drink and Uncle Jack's heading home. Heard about the time I had to get the last coin of the pirate treasure minted from the Aztec temple of gold?
MISTY
(All smiles:) At least a thousand times, Uncle Jack, and you tell it better every time.
(There is a polite, yet stern, knock at the door.)
BENNIE
Who could that be at this hour? (Gets up.) I'll see who it is, you newlyweds stay put.
(He opens the door. TALL GUARD NOW WITHOUT MUSTACHE stands, holding a torch, star-struck. Yeah, cheap movie...)
TALL GUARD NOW WITHOUT MUSTACHE
Why, Lord Bennie! Milord, we have come to this house seeking Monsieur Monty Bizkit. We were told he is here, sir.
MONTY
(Up; puts on pants and vest, no shirt, no shoes. Doesn't button his vest.) I'm Monty Bizkit, what is the problem officer- hey, wait, I've seen you before.
TALL GUARD NOW WITHOUT MUSTACHE
I saw you yesterday on the island; I transferred. Tonight's my first night-shift leading these boys; so no hassles, okay? Let's go.
MONTY
Your funky mustache is gone.
TALL GUARD NOW WITHOUT MUSTACHE
Yeah. Got a girl in port; she hated it.
MONTY
(Strokes silky-smooth baby-soft chin that's yet to see whiskers...) I know what you mean; I had to take a hot bath before dinner. So what's this all about, anyway? Someone else die or something?
TALL GUARD NOW WITHOUT MUSTACHE
Not exactly. You've been summoned to answer to charges of treason; you are to speak to the Chief Federal Prosecutor.
MONTY
Treason! What the-? Step back! What choo- what do you mean treason? I'm 100% Marry-kin, yo!
(Look: When queried once, My Dearest Chronic-Toking Chronologist, our American high-school seniors demonstrated the belief that World War II was sometime in the 1800s and The Civil War occurred around the Middle Ages. So please, My Ardent Acolyte With Acumen In Academia, please do not comment on how I am only frustrating the attempts of future educational altruists to teach 'factual' American History... I think that perhaps we may already be a little beyond that by now. On that note, consider a quirky line from science-fiction annals that I like to repeat like a mantra often: "The aboriginal Americans lived aboveground, and drank water." - Bulletin, Shirley Jackson, 1954.)
TALL GUARD NOW WITHOUT MUSTACHE
Relax, man. Don't get worked up, I sure don't know, I only got orders to fetch you. If you're innocent, I'm sure you'll be back in bed within the hour. (Easy:) Either way, you are still being summoned, and you are to come with us willingly or we will have to take you by force.
MONTY
Please, let me get dressed first.
TALL GUARD NOW WITHOUT MUSTACHE
Nope; let's go. Milord, you and the lady may talk to the Precinct Captain in the morning to arrange an appointment with the Chief Federal Prosecutor; but I'm sure he'll be returned to you by then; you know how these-middle-of-the-night things usually go. Someone had heartburn and couldn't sleep and after raiding the ice-box, they got bored and then they call me up to fetch... Precinct Captain. Morning. Appointment. I don't know any more than that. Good night, Lord Bennie; Miss. Come, Monsieur.
DISSOLVE TO: