Scene 5.09 - The King Of Bling
EXT. Englewood, California, Late Afternoon
FADE IN
(Picture four mounds of dirt holding aloft four homes in the run-down, dirt-road, dead-end cul-de-sac at the edge of a very small cliff. Three, in the distance, at the edge, are red, white and blue, respectively. Three houses are silhouetted, all in a row a short distance to the right, and one is immediately in front of us to the left, appearing dark green. The green house in the foreground is the largest, comprising of three rooms and a side porch that is enclosed with plastic sheeting-stapled to a wooden frame that makes it look like a foggy, greenhouse-addition to the green house -- on the South side, almost unseen. Confused yet? Well, I still got a few hundred pages left in me, so stay tuned. The house sits in the foreground on a dirt mound, and this house belongs to ACTOR CHARLIE. Adorning the dog-scratched, scuff-marked, dirty, bullet-ridden, double-deadbolted, steel, white, window-less front door are two bumper-stickers; one for a car and one for a gate, both utilized as a vertical welcome-mat. One reads “DON’T LAUGH, IT'S PAID FOR” and the other reads, “Forget the Dog, Beware of OWNER.” Also, “Home Sweet Home” is neatly-written above the bumper-stickers in black marker. The house’s address is written with a Sharpie pen on a piece of white-painted, scrap plywood and is tacked-in-place with two penny-nails above the entrance. The only good thing about this hood is the beautiful, unobstructed ocean-view it has due to undeveloped property adjoining the acre adjacent to the bottom of the cliff. The nice view is, of course, to the West, toward the three houses in a row and beyond to an ocean horizon. Reading left to right when viewing the three houses, we see the first, a one-room shack with 1/2 bath, a kitchenette and an interior door used as an exterior door. It has several surfboards leaning on its north side. Upon the second, distant mound is a modest shack of similar size, yet is tilted to the right much like the Leaning Tower of Pisa and one instinctively-senses that it is only a matter-of-time... This second house has a dog-house near its South side. We don’t see a dog, nor do we see the third houses’ true luxury until we’re practically on the porch, so I’ll save that for later. The third house, the blue one, solely-boasts the only vegetation seen in what-otherwise-looks-like a dirt-bike race-track. Atop the mogul of the third house are seven unmatching samples of sod -- obviously lifted from work when one of its occupants did a week’s stint as a landscaper’s assistant. Luxury knows no bounds. It’s late afternoon, almost dusk. Dark figures roam, wearing colored bandanas; silhouetted, like a dance behind a scrim. Everyone's robbing everyone else; soon the items are stolen-back to how it all started and everyone goes home none-the-wiser; they close the curtains and throw-on their respective red-white-and-blue-colored porch lights. The sunset is gorgeous.)
REVERSE ANGLE
CU: Zeta counter, ASIMOV whistling to himself.
FOLLOW TO GREEN HOUSE
(It looks like a very weird metal-detector with a cooler attached. Sleek and exensive-looking. ASIMOV gazes about, flashing all the while. Flashing as in sparkling, I mean. He is decked out in more rhinestones than Liberace. His leather jacket on the back reads in red, white and blue rhinestone: KING OF BLING. He has more chains than Jacob Marley; he's got more rings than Saturn and even wears shoes that are covered in mirrored tiles. His leather pants have blue-and-black rhinestone studs. You'd half expect to see it all light up; to the measure of The Electric Cowboy riding in a rhinestone-lined kaleidoscope under a disco ball.)
ASIMOV
Nice view.
ACTOR CHARLIE
Thanks. Nice halloween costume.
ASIMOV
Theece eez how Eye driss ill the timm.
ACTOR CHARLIE
Oh. Nice jacket. Like the hat, but ain't that a girl's hat? Ain't you wearin' it backwards?
ASIMOV
E tree to kip ip own the littist in fashion. Iss theece your house?
ACTOR CHARLIE
Yeah... ain't you that host on that dance show, Supersonic Soul? Ain't you Actor Delta?
ASIMOV
No, I am not Actor Delta, I am Zick Izzimoff, Eye verk fer ze mining and petroleum companies of ziss verled as a free-lance speckillator, but after making me first billion een kimmishinz, Eye git kynna beard vithit. Zitztoo eesee! So Eve gun bick to ze veal veason Eyes hear. Me nimm iz Zick ind Eemma paratimm ixpliror frim ze feature and me newist inwhenshun his lid me dear reekly to you. You hivf Zeta wivvs kimming frim here. I seezem ear.
(A plane from LAX roars overhead, they pause in their conversation. It’s the Englewood Stutter.)
ACTOR CHARLIE
Rich inventor-guy, huh? You want me to do an ad for your product? I've done plenty of informercials, "Gee, Doug, you mean it can slice, dice, massage your feet, shave your legs, and do your taxes, too?"
ASIMOV
(Chuckling:) Zat iss funny.
ACTOR CHARLIE
I even did a couple-a national brands, you ever hit the drive-thru for a Venus On The Half Shell? It’s a chain; the ad was shown in seventeen cities here in California, it almost got national broadcast.
ASIMOV
Vaht do you mean vehn you see it iss a chain?
ACTOR CHARLIE
It was an ad for a sea-food restaurant. The commercial was called The Promised Land.
ASIMOV
Is a Venus On The Half Shell inny gid?
ACTOR CHARLIE
Depends on what you order. Anyway, the ad was historically accurate all the way down to me wearing black-face, and cryin’ about “Injuns” and I was warned by the brothers not to do it, cuz they told me saying “Injun” is just like dropping the N-bomb to them Redskins, but the money was right and the lines were solid, plus them chiefs all got casinos and free college, what we swamp-ginnies get anyway?
ASIMOV
Bees me. What us swamp ginnies lick us got anyway? I zunn oh. Nuzzing but ze clues in ear bick, E kiss.
ACTOR CHARLIE
Yeah, that’s what I thought too, so I did the ad. Wanna hear it? Me and the boss-man were floating down-river on a raft and I got this long stick in the mud and I say, “Lordy, boss! Them Injuns is afta us and Im-a-shore starvin’, boss! They's a heap o' catfish in that there pond, but it's on the Massa's plantation, you thinkin' he whip me if'n I goes in dere and fishes some? Cuz I shore is a hungry Tom!" (Rubs belly, exaggerated. Pause.) And then the boss-man points to the restaurant around the river-bend and I drop the stick and go to my knees and say, "Free At Last! Free At Last!" (Pause.) Well? Sound familiar? Ever see it?
ASIMOV
No, I kint see thit E hivf.
ACTOR CHARLIE
Yeah, probably not- and I know why. You know why? (As if he coined it, which he did:) Reverse tokenism. You see, in that ad, I was a slave telling a white man about a good fishing hole and what’s what, but his knowledge of whitey's capitalism was supposedly the downfall to the economic tyranny that The South still has over blacks today. Just look at Chocolate City after Katrina. New Orleans might as well be Topeka, Kansas -- it’s doing exactly what led it to be in the mess it is in now, except with only half the population it had and bigger levees -- it’s progressing in the wrong direction. (Yeah, I know, I know. Or Horshack-style, “Ooooh! Oooh! I know! I know!” I’ve read it: “If pro is the opposite of con, what’s the opposite of progress?”) I thought the river-setting had depth, but it irked some people, ya know, especially in the New Orleans test-market. The ad got pulled after the first run in California, a few execs got canned, and somebody else got fined and you know what?
ASIMOV
Vaht?
ACTOR CHARLIE
The ad agency still kept me on. They liked my acting, but in order to down-play my previous role, they had to give me a character with drama, history. You know who my next ad was for?
ASIMOV
Who?
ACTOR CHARLIE
Partnership For A Zero-Tolerance America.
ASIMOV
Sends villy kitchy; vat vas swore rall? Who did you plea?
ACTOR CHARLIE
See if this rings a bell -"I, I can't a-been the daddy to thet bebbe, we was only smoking da meff a few time, and she said she wuddent old enough to have chill'ren, and she axed me... she axed me... I thought smokin' da ice would make me impo'tant, but it made me impotent! Naw, Naw! I can't be thet bebbe's daddy!"
(With finger gun, HEINLEIN blows his brains out, dies. He takes a mini-bow to ASIMOV'S perfectly complimentary-and-sincere applause.)
ACTOR CHARLIE (Cont'd)
That one got an award. Some Law Enforcement Screen Partnership Editor's Trophy or something.
ASIMOV
So, vat are you doing now?
(Somebody obviously ate some beans. Another plane roars overhead.)
ACTOR CHARLIE
(Stirring the ground with a stick:) Let's just say I'm weighing my options.
ASIMOV
Options? Vaht options?
ACTOR CHARLIE
Well, a few days ago on my way to another job interview, an old lady left her bag on the bus. I chased her down and gave it back. She was really surprised that she had left it, and even more surprised that I gave it back without looking in it -- it had to be that, had to be. I was late for my interview and I didn't get the job. Now I don't know what was in that bag the first time, but the next morning, that same bag was sitting there, right on my porch, next to a newspaper from the future! I don't get the newspaper. Trust me, paper-boys don't come around here too often.
ASIMOV
You gitta newspeeper frim ze feature?
ACTOR CHARLIE
I thought it was a joke, a prank, especially when I saw what was in the bag. If I'd-a known-
ASIMOV
Vaht was in the bag?
ACTOR CHARLIE
A note, thanking me, and fifty-thousand dollars.
ASIMOV
Fitty Gs? Now zat's some-zing. (Smiles, displaying grill:) You kid git quit a greel wit thit.
ECU: ASIMOV’S $50,000 SMILE
STARLIGHT FILTER
(As ASIMOV displays his only known Nemo look to the camera since “Oy Vey, he had to ask!” in Chapter One. Make it good. We see one of the diamonds in the ‘dollar-sign’ on one of his incisors twinkle a little. He doesn’t lose the grill until the next chapter, yet only now do we notice it.)
ACTOR CHARLIE
Nah, the note had it clear: Twenty for me, ten in three little bags: one red, one white, one blue. She said not to spend any of it until I give the bags away, and only give the bags away when this locket finds it's key. (Fondles locket.) So far, I've been patient, but I haven't eaten in a while, and I don't have an audition until next week, and if I don't get some food soon, I'm bound to only be cast in roles where I play a starving African. Screw method-acting! Racial awareness and ethnic pride don't go very far when you're hungry.
ASIMOV
(Produces a fat joint:) Yes, till me about it.
ACTOR CHARLIE
Oh great, gimme the munchies while you're at it.
ASIMOV
Relicks, E gitta lynch-box in the bick of me inwhenshun!
ACTOR CHARLIE
You got... food?
ASIMOV
If korss! New vaht kind if ixplirer vould I bee eef Eye deedn't pick a lynch? Here, hivf it. I'm nit too hingry innywee.
ACTOR CHARLIE
Man, you loaded this up! Boneless ribs, cornbead, four ears of Indian-ear corn and a six-pack of domestic!
ASIMOV
I thit we kid shear the sex-pick.
ACTOR CHARLIE
Oh sure! (Affixing an enclosed, checkered, BBQ bib:) Dude, this is like an early Thanksgiving!
ASIMOV
Ind mibbie in ear if kone, mibbie?
ACTOR CHARLIE
Oh sure! It's your food anyway. There must be a dozen ribs here! You sure you don't wanna rib or two? Maybe a little cornbread?
ASIMOV
Just thit little rib thear ind this hiff-ear if kone ind I'm hinky-dewey.
(They eat as a tremor hits the coast, no one really reacts, like in L.A. Story.)
ACTOR CHARLIE
Mmm-mmm! You're a damn good cook, G.
ASIMOV
Me nime's E-sick Izzimoff. Me list girlfrind killed me Zick.
ACTOR CHARLIE
Okay, Zack, sounds more like you look anyway. Isaac sounds like a book-worm, you're more hip.
(HEINLEIN enters, gets in the rotation, hits the joint. ACTOR CHARLIE drops the fat of his mostly-devoured rib.)
ACTOR CHARLIE
Am I seeing things?
HEINLEIN
Hello, Isaac.
ASIMOV
It's Zick now, Rib.
HEINLEIN
And I'm Rio now, Zack.
ASIMOV
I lick Rio, it's suits you bitta.
HEINLEIN
Man, it's good to see you. I really don't blame you for turning on us and leaving us to fend for ourselves in Oblivion, and maybe I was a little upset, but I'm glad we're together again. What ya say you come back, face the music with the Captain, and I'll stand up for you.
ASIMOV
You vill?
HEINLEIN
Of course, you're my best friend. If you get disciplined for the strawberries, so do I.
ASIMOV
(Wide-eyed, aghast:) Ze kiptin news abit ze strewbeeries?
HEINLEIN
I lost my cool for a minute, but the worst is over. He's a changed man, he'll go easy.
ASIMOV
No, I sink hill go crizzy. How are you so sure he von't lick me up ind throw avay ze key?
HEINLEIN
He wants to get some. Ain't no girl gonna put out for a guy who picks on his underlings.
ASIMOV
Mebbe you are vite, I vill go vith you once I've figured ziss out. Theys Zitta wivvs here.
(ACTOR CHARLIE has been eating and listening, sizing-up the scene's absolute implausibility.)
ACTOR CHARLIE
Is this one of them hidden-camera shows playing a prank? That ain’t makeup. You a relative of mine or something?
HEINLEIN
Yeah, I'm from a lost tribe.
ACTOR CHARLIE
That tribe must have really been lost. You look just like my dead pappy!
HEINLEIN
So do you, in a way. My pappy was a test tube.
(The quake hits for a few prolonged moments, only HEINLEIN reacts. Not exaggerated like it was the first time he’s experienced it OFF; no, it’s a small reaction contrasted with no reaction from the other two who are quite used to it. He’s quick about it; not out of surprise, but more because he finally gets to ask someone.)
HEINLEIN (Cont’d)
(Direct:) What's with the ground all movin' up in here?
ACTOR CHARLIE
Just another Earthquake. Aftershocks are due in a minute or two. Probably just a three pointer offshore, what, don't you have Earthquakes outside California?
HEINLEIN
I've heard of them, but where we're from, California's completely underwater!
ACTOR CHARLIE
Oh yeah, how? Superman forget to stop the nuke and make the world spin backwards to save Lois?
HEINLEIN
Huh?
ASIMOV
Nyet; it vas Vernevood, an issteroid kimprised if dick mitter; it hit Vest Sit Lick Seety.
ACTOR CHARLIE
An asteroid hits Salt Lake City, Utah? An' you say California falls into the ocean?
HEINLEIN
Yes. The Great Tsunami nearly washed away Hawaii and Japan.
ACTOR CHARLIE
I don't think I saw that movie, unless it was that one with Bruce Willis and what's his name.
HEINLEIN
Billy-Bob Thornton.
ACTOR CHARLIE
Yeah, him. I don't remember the plot; I remember the taxes line carried the movie.
ASIMOV
Anyvey zey hivvin't diskivvered the issteroid and they are nit treeing to rittreeve it.
ACTOR CHARLIE
You said your name's Rio?
HEINLEIN
(A la The Matrix, poses:) I'm Rio.
ACTOR CHARLIE
Okay, I'm Actor Charlie, call me Actor C. I’m still me. I'm gonna leave it at that. This whole week's been weird.
(The aftershock hits.)
HEINLEIN
Whatcha doin, Zack?
ASIMOV
Von mimmint pleece!
ACTOR CHARLIE
Zack's showing me his little lunch-box invention.
ASIMOV
Eats nit jist a lynch-bix, it's a multi-avay imni-dirictionill supear-sinnik bizz-pewid, killed-fewshinn rigyillitted, sizmik ken-dicked-teen Zitta Sinzer!
HEINLEIN
A Zeta Sensor? You mean you've made a Zeta Counter?
ASIMOV
Vy yiss, bit E kill it a Zitta Sinzer, it's me iwn inwhenshun.
HEINLEIN
The captain's tasked us to try to collect elements to make one for ourselves-
ASIMOV
Vell, Eye deed eat fearst and Eem ging to get the pittint innit so eat's mean!
HEINLEIN
Keep the patent; you really didn't invent it, anyway. The first Zeta Counter was made by Jester Froogle in the Thirty-Fourth Century to root-out all the remaining-
ASIMOV
E dint nid you were His-terry lissin! Eem micking a new his-terry fir iss. No Jister Friggle!
HEINLEIN
The Bradbury Protocol's been thrown out the window for some time, even before we got here.
ASIMOV
You're tilling me! (Away from ACTOR CHARLIE, like it's a secret:) Zeez pipple never ivven hid of a veal kimera fin!
HEINLEIN
Video phones weren't a novel idea, you're only treading on their planned obsolescence.
ASIMOV
Vaht iss dat?
HEINLEIN
Don't show 'em better until you've milked every dime out of the worthless crap that just hit the stores.
ASIMOV
Bit thit's kinterpridickedtivf to prigriss!
ACTOR CHARLIE
Unfortunately, it's also very profitable. With reverse-engineering and no real global patent law, I can't say I blame 'em. We could have all had video cell phones in the 60s, but computers that they invented in the 30s were just starting to hit the market...
ASIMOV
No vonder zem petroleum guise ver not eentearissted in me plisstik, solar-powered, livititting, in her kant an’ end hell tear bo train! You sim lick a villy smart guy, Actor C.
HEINLEIN
Good-looking, too.
ACTOR CHARLIE
I'll agree with that; I take care of myself. As far as being smart, nah, I just pick-up a few things here and there...
HEINLEIN
Looks like Zack's Zeta Counter is picking-up something too.
ASIMOV
Sinzer! Zitta Sinzer! Izz your licket, inda key!
HEINLEIN
This key? I dunno, I just walked where my feet led me, and here we are. Seems easy, too easy.
(They put the key in the locket and AZALEA, a la bride of Frank, steps from the greenhouse of the green house.)
LEAH ZALE HOLOGRAM
I gather that the three of you are attending my party tonight at my pad?
HEINLEIN
Ms. Azalea, how did you-
ASIMOV
Izz a hologram, she innly respinds to seartin quistinns.
ACTOR CHARLIE
How did you get in my house?
(She walks through him as she indirectly strolls to the red house. A plane roars overhead. She knows the Englewood Stutter.)
LEAH ZALE HOLOGRAM
This is a community gathering, and we'll need some locals to spice up the mix. How many people live in this dwelling?
ACTOR CHARLIE
Two guys and two friends who still live with their parents most of the time, but I wouldn't-
(She knocks on the spray painted red door, triggering a booby trap. A shotgun blows a hole through the door. CAMEO TEN'S head pops out of the large hole. -- The occupants of the red house are three of the boys who were playing craps in the Orb Of Doom Playset commercial from The Silicon Valley Girls. The three boys in the white house are from that commercial and the Isle Of Dread playset commercial. The boys of the blue house were in both commercials and one is also YOUNG SINGER and GUITARIST. All boys played CHARLIE, reporters and fans of Bobby Pluto, soldiers in Saudi Arabia and Kansas, cops, bar patrons, Nazis, townsfolk, lunar juvenile delinquents and also one of the houses’ occupants played BOBBY in the shoddy, low-budget reenactment of When Bobby Met Percy... Starting to make sense yet? To quote Led Zeppelin and the great Robert Plant: All will be revealed...)
LEAH ZALE HOLOGRAM
Well, hello!
CAMEO TEN
(Yelling back, opening door a little:) It's cool! It's just a chick! Whatcha want lady? We're kinda busy, we ain't got no money and we done sold our souls to rock and roll.
(He makes a devil horn with his raised fist as he air guitars badly.)
LEAH ZALE HOLOGRAM
Oh no, nothing like that, I want to invite you to a party!
ACTOR CHARLIE
Yeah? What kinda party? The kind where you pray together or the kind where you play together?
(CAMEO ELEVEN opens the door a little more; CAMEO TWELVE and CAMEO THIRTEEN stand behind CAMEO ELEVEN, looking out.)
CAMEO ELEVEN
Hey, who's the chick? You taking a census? Wanna know my favorite position?
(CAMEO ELEVEN demonstrates slapping some imaginary victim's behind as he does the poor, imaginary woman doggie-style.)
LEAH ZALE HOLOGRAM
Eight tonight at Leah's Luxury Suites. See ya.
(HEINLEIN and ACTOR CHARLIE and ASIMOV catch up with her. CAMEO TWELVE pushes out to the porch, follows her, and so do the other cameos. Another plane roars overhead as she boldly walks to the white house.)
CAMEO TWELVE
Hey! Hold on! We ain't gonna go to no party if they're gonna be invited.
(ACTOR CHARLIE gets it and hands CAMEO ELEVEN a red bag of cash.)
ACTOR CHARLIE
Here guys, this might help persuade you.
LEAH ZALE HOLOGRAM
(Knocking on white door:) It's for your costume expenses.
(Loud barking dogs are immediately heard. After a pause, loud rewind tape sound, silence. “Bravo Perro” is written on the door.)
CAMEO FOURTEEN
(Through the door opening secured with a cheap chain:) Yeah, lady?
LEAH ZALE HOLOGRAM
You live here?
CAMEO FOURTEEN
Me and my homies, you a cop?
LEAH ZALE HOLORAM
I'm a party invitation.
CAMEO FOURTEEN
Oh yeah? (Closes door quickly, loses chain and swings cheap, ghetto-door open like it's a palacial gate and gestures to a ratty sofa just inside.) Well come on in and let's get this party started, babe.
LEAH ZALE HOLOGRAM
I'll stand right here, thanks.
(Suddenly CAMEO FIFTEEN and CAMEO SIXTEEN come to the door. They got the barking tape player.)
CAMEO FIFTEEN
Who is it?
CAMEO SIXTEEN
(Looking her over, strokes patchy goat-tee:) Nice!
CAMEO FOURTEEN
Hey man, I get to bag her first, I answered the door.
CAMEO FIFTEEN
(Lazily-pinching a zit with thumb and forefinger:) Are you gonna sing for us?
CAMEO SIXTEEN
(Digging for a couple of ones in his pocket, folding them:) Do you do lap dances?
CAMEO FOURTEEN
Nah man, I ain't doing no sloppy seconds.
CAMEO SIXTEEN
A lap dance ain't nothin'.
CAMEO FOURTEEN
Yeah, but it always leads to more and the next thing I know I got your spunk on my junk, and that ain't happenin'.
LEAH ZALE'S HOLOGRAM
Leah's Luxury Suites, eight tonight. Good-bye.
(Ad libs of Hey, wait! Hold up! etc., as the posse following AZALEA meets up with them as she steps to the blue, wooden door. Like all the others, it’s missing a screen door. A ratty, propped-with-a-stick-in-a-puddle-of-mud, duct-taped air-conditioner-unit -- copper intact -- graces a front window and purrs loudly. As I said, luxury knows no bounds. A white bag is given to the three teenage boys and the mob moves together to near the air unit. LEAH ZALE’S HOLOGRAM steps-up and knocks.)
CAMEO SEVENTEEN
Whatchoo want, lady? (Sees group; directed at them:) Hey nut-mouth! I thought I told you to stay off my lawn!
CAMEO THIRTEEN
Yeah, that's what I told your mom last night but she came anyway, dick-smack!
CAMEO SEVENTEEN
Whatchoo want, lady? I don't read any magazines, they all lie about me anyway.
LEAH ZALE HOLGRAM
You are invited to a special halloween party tonight.
CAMEO SEVENTEEN
Oh really? Hey, ain't you Judge Alpha?
LEAH ZALE HOLOGRAM
No, I'm a hologram for Leah Zale. The party's tonight at eight at-
CAMEO SEVENTEEN
Hey C-18! Get a load of this broad! She looks just like Actress Alpha!
CAMEO EIGHTEEN
Which one's Actress Alpha?
CAMEO SEVENTEEN
Ya know, the short, trash-talking chick on that court show! You know, the one with the nice ta-tas and that tight back-side that looks like it could go all day?
CAMEO NINETEEN
Actress Alpha? Wasn't she in Adam Amsterdam?
CAMEO SEVENTEEN
No, that was that other ho! Come 'ere! You gotta see it for yourself, she looks just like her except all pale and cut up and wearing black lip gloss like she could suck a golf b-
CAMEO EIGHTEEN
Holy cow! Yeah-she does look like that night-court-judge-chick! 'Sept all Emo and ready to go! Woo-hoo!
CAMEO NINETEEN
Yay-zoos, she's the spittin’-image! (Sees C-15, moves:) Hey turd-face, whatcha doin on our lawn!?
(HEINLEIN intervenes and gives CAMEO NINETEEN a small blue bag with ten grand in it.)
LEAH ZALE HOLOGRAM
The party, Leah's Luxury Suites, tonight, at eight.
CAMEO NINETEEN
C-18, look bro, there must be over five grand here!
LEAH ZALE HOLOGRAM
The amount is ten thousand dollars for the three of you to buy costumes to wear. And to pay your back-rent. You’re all overdue.
CAMEO FOURTEEN
Hey chick, this ain't gonna work. I don't like hanging with any of those losers. What's stopping us from just keeping the money and skipping-out on your little party?
CAMEO TEN
Yeah, those guys suck-
CAMEO SEVENTEEN
(From the porch, yelling down to C-10 from ten feet away, pointing agressively:) No you suck!
CAMEO TEN
No you suck!
CAMEO FIFTEEN
You both suck! Yeah, lady, we got all the cash now; what's stoppin’ us from just having our own party?
(The teenagers are at least in agreement about that and ACTOR CHARLIE was about to intervene-)
LEAH ZALE HOLOGRAM
(Smiling, one breath:) Didja ever consider that if even one of you shows up late, that perhaps the person who has enough cash to give you lame ducks thirty grand for your costumes could just as easily pay someone else not as lame, but just as poor and desperate -- and twice as big, just half that amount to have every single one of you slowly strangled in your sleep? (Beat. Jovial:) See ya there, boys!
(She vanishes into thin-air. Pause. The sadder-but-wiser youths shuffle into their respective houses, in awe.)
ACTOR CHARLIE
Well, my job's done, for now. After they order their fill of pizza and after C-17 and C-19 give up on trying to find a liquor store where they don't get carded, they'll come knocking, and I'll make sure they all get into a costume and catch up on all their overdue bills. I gotta few of my own to pay. See you tonight. Thanks for the ribs, Zack.
ASIMOV
Innytimm.
(Exeunt. Another plane goes over as a final aftershock also hits.)
HEINLEIN
Hmmm. (Looks down and up and down again.) A double-whammy. We should find the captain, Zack.
ASIMOV
Vith me Zitta Sinzer, Eye kin find the lickation if ivviree von if ear crew!
HEINLEIN
Yeah, that's me, that's you, there's the locket and key going into the house with Actor C.
ASIMOV
Eef Eye zoom it out, there's za kiptin...
HEINLEIN
Yeah, the captain. He's got a key, too. He's closest to us, we should see him and apologize.
ASIMOV
Zat's on ze Barrios' Vest side, along ze kissed, I dunno if vee shid go through zair.
HEINLEIN
Why? What's wrong with the Barrio?
LS: Englewood cul-de-sac
DISSOLVE TO: