Scene 5.16 - A Passage To Zeta
EST. INT: Leah’s Luxury Suites, 12th-Floor Party
INT. KITCHEN
(VERNE is reveiwing his screenplay with RAMONA. Both are feasting on various party trays while absently-playing quarters.)
RAMONA
Whatcha gotta do is break-this-thing down, put-it-into some palatable, bite-size portions; like a soap-opera; add a little breast here, a little infidelity there; have some unknown twin-brother recover from his amnesia and fight for control of the corporation.
VERNE
(Shoots, misses. Chomping on a salmon wrap:) The corporation?
RAMONA
(Readying her shot:) Yeah, the real power’s got to be like, a corporation, not this mumbo-jumbo Time-Police garbage. No one can even relate to that.
VERNE
But the existence of Time-Police is the whole reason the Zeta paradox dominates the Internexus! It explains the tyranny!
RAMONA
Nah, nah, it’s too convoluted; (She makes it.) drink. Tell me: If future society thinks time-travel is impossible, how do time-cops even fit in?
VERNE
(Downs the triple-shot of beer, they’re just getting started with only rims and chance on the table. RAMONA always shoots from the nose and most-always makes it. VERNE casually-drops it, hardly looking. He’s almost hitting three for five. Rims. He isn’t warmed-up enough yet...) Well, there’s this little nebula near the planet Zeta that operates independently of time and space. We call this nebula Burrough’s Great Smog. We can’t even approach it. It’s a super-secret headquarters, real hush-hush. Some future, sick version of American civilization supposedly-came-up with time-travel and established the the Time-Police, but I think it’s all hooey. They haven’t proven they can do anything but quarantine soldiers and order everyone around like they own the place. I think they’re a bunch of posers. (Pause. Makes it.) A bunch of conservative neophytes -- well, it’s like that whatchoocallit -- Homeland Security you got here. Some bureaucratic entity created out-of-nowhere with hasty legislation and given a vauge mission and absolute power with no real authority to answer to- What’s up Rio?
HEINLEIN
Ms. Azalea asked us to check on you.
VERNE
You can tell her we’re still only two sheets to the wind -- give us another few minutes, we’ll have what’s left of these salmon-wraps out-to-her in-a-jiffy. (RAMONA slurps down the beer, liking how her new friend VERNE pairs himself with her and wonders if it wouldn’t be such a bad fit...) Wanna hit?
HEINLEIN
Is a duck’s bill water-tight?
RAMONA
What’s with you, Alpha?
ACTOR ALPHA
I was under the impression you two were tearing each-other apart. It seems Leah was over-concerned.
VERNE
Nah, Ramona’s only tearing my screenplay apart. (Drinks, pours.) Want to settle an argument? I bet you’ll dig it if you like science fiction...
ACTOR ALPHA
Can’t say that I do. No, I’ll just get back to the party. There were a few ladies on my couch doing body shots and I hear there’s a fan out there who actually liked my last movie. I don’t want to miss talking to her, maybe drop some digits.
VERNE
Cool, but answer me one question, help me settle this. Do you think people of this time-period could be ruled by a secular group of officials who have no credentials, answer to no one and are completely above the law? Or is that too outrageous?
ACTOR ALPHA
No. Of course it isn’t too outrageous. Ever hear of the G.O.P.?
VERNE
What’s that?
HEINLEIN
The National Association for the Advancement of White People.
ACTOR ALPHA
A systematic design to insure the haves have more and the have nots have less.
RAMONA
No way; and don’t throw race into it, brother. You Democrats want the haves to give it all away to the ones who don’t think they should have to work for a living.
HEINLEIN
(To RAMONA:) You're a Republican?
ACTOR ALPHA
Hey, I earn my paycheck, lady.
VERNE
Can we break up this little scuffle? I have absolutely no clue what either of you are talking about, so obviously your differences are trite and meaningless. In the future, the real future, there’s only one political party that matters.
RAMONA
Oh yeah? Who? The Libertarians?
VERNE
No, of course not. It’s the Zeta Party. World leaders are borne of Zeta, bred to lead star systems; “Phantastic Worlds.”
ACTOR ALPHA
Now I’m confused. What’s he talking about now?
HEINLEIN
“Phantastic Worlds” is their planetary motto. I’ll explain it to you in the other room. I hear a drink out there calling my name.
ACTOR ALPHA
True that. You always explain things so much better than your captain ever does.
(They exit.)
VERNE
(Removes mask, loosens ascot:) Is everyone in this time-period either a sociopath or an idiot?
RAMONA
(Loosens her ascot as well, downs a shot:) Pretty much, or else they’re on perscription drugs and think they’re not while they’re at least twice as much.
VERNE
Huh. Well, I might cut out the Time-Police, but I tell you, they’re everywhere. Except now, which is kinda nice, really.
RAMONA
What about this End-Of-The-Universe subplot? If you have an ending that kills off The Universe, there can’t be a sequel.
VERNE
Why? What could I possibly add to a story that’s already perfectly written?
RAMONA
Ours is not to reason why... Let some other guy worry about that. Most sequels are written by someone else and contain nothing but re-hashings of scenes from the first movie and ill-conceived explanations of elapses in time and reason. The only things that they never explain are casting changes, gaps in dialog or why they don’t just write a different movie in the first place. You gotta give them an ending with a question mark -- a cliff-hanger so they want to see some more.
VERNE
What’s a cliff-hanger?
(The doctors enter.)
WELLS
Well I’d never believe it with my own eyes. You actually seem calm and relaxed, Julie.
VERNE
(Passing joint:) I thought I’d take the doctor’s orders for once.
WELLS
I hate to get you riled up while I see you’re finally eating healthy food and keeping your blood pressure down, but you should know that crazy Virginian has Shang-Hai’d The Baron and took off to Zeta and heaven knows where else.
VERNE
What?!?
CAMEO TWENTY-FIVE
That’s not the worst of it, I’m afraid. (Extends hand, VERNE shakes it.) I’m Dr. 25, The Baron’s primary physician for the last five years -- I can personally attest that The Baron has created some kind of bomb, I’ve seen it countless times during my house calls. At first I thought it merely a prop; a gag of some sort -- I’ve since learned otherwise. He’s dying, Captain Verne. In his terminally-ill state, I think he may dare to do what only a madman would consider.
VERNE
And Clarke along with him, helping him dodge the quantum bullets. That is distressing. I guess this party’s over. Round-up the crew, Doc, I’ll be out in a minute to... brief everyone.
WELLS
Aye-aye, sir.
(They exit.)
VERNE
This cliff-hanger stuff is going to have to wait.
(VERNE folds the voluminous screenplay into a small matchbook; pockets it.)
RAMONA
H- Hey! How did you do that?
VERNE
Oh, that. Well, things have more space in them than they have things that aren’t space in them. I’m just borrowing a little space from it for awhile.
RAMONA
And you do that with your mind?
VERNE
The pot helps. (Beat. Toke.) I guess we got time-enough, you’re pretty cool. Here, I’ll show you something-else I bet you’ve never seen before.
KEY: FOREST
(He violently shakes a beer bottle and lets it spray against the wall. The beer seemingly melts-away the wall behind it, transforming it to reveal a portal into another dimension.)
RAMONA
What... is that?
VERNE
I call it a hidey-hole; a side-pocket to the Internexus. It’s a like a time-closet but a thousand times cooler than a time-closet because it directly flows from Burrough’s Nebula. Best of all, the Time Cops haven’t found a way to do it yet.
RAMONA
I’m completely lost. What are you saying?
VERNE
(Steps in, beckons. There is a forest on the other side.) Come here; I’ll show you.
RAMONA
No, I don’t think so.
VERNE
Oh come on, it won’t take a but a second in reality, and you’ll see why my movie doesn’t need your sequel or a cliff-hanger or whatever you call it.
(He blazes another fat joint. He blows a smoke ring.)
RAMONA
(The guy is all charm:) Since you put it that way; okay.
(Like every trip-conscious woman, RAMONA quickly grabs her purse. We see it is very similar to AZALEA'S handbag. VERNE and RAMONA exit into the beer portal. The party noises from the other room stop. Silence. A flash in the room.)
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